leaving things better than we found them

At the beginning of last month, a reader asked me in a comment if my advice for my girls about dating has changed from what it would have been previously.

I said,

“Ohhh, for sure. I grew up in the height of purity culture, where the worst thing you could do was have a bunch of relationships before getting married. People wrote books saying things like if you have multiple relationships, you lose a piece of your heart each time and then you are not a whole person when you get married.

As if hearts do not regenerate or grow. (!!!)

Now I think…if a dating relationship isn’t working out, it’s fine to end it. And it doesn’t matter if it takes a lot of dating relationships before you find someone you want to marry. Each one is a learning experience, and hopefully, at the end of each one, you leave the person you were dating better than when you found them. That is not a waste of time, and I think it could save a lot of heartbreak in marriage.”

And it’s the “leaving things better than we found them” idea that I wanted to talk about.

While I do think that if you date someone with kindness and authenticity, you can leave them better than you found them (maybe you expanded their horizons, taught them something, brought them joy, helped them grow, etc.), I also think there are ways to do this in almost any area of life.

And the more people that do this, the nicer the world will be!

I don’t think it’s possible to do it perfectly, but I want to live my life so that the places I’ve been and the people I’ve interacted with are better for me having been there.

I thought I’d list a few ways I think we can do this and then I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments (I’m guessing most of them will cost little to nothing).

I hope that after I spend a day with my patients, I have left them feeling better than before (both physically and emotionally).

I try to clean up little messes in the unit nourishment room (the room where we get snacks and drinks for patients), and I do things like tightening the handles on the drawers, which are always coming loose. Those are small efforts, but they leave the room a little better than I found it.

When I listen to an upset patient and say, “That must be so frustrating/disappointing/difficult.” and then they calm down, I leave them better than I found them.

I try to leave my patient rooms a little more stocked than they were when I found them (with extra gloves or thermometer probe covers, for example).

Yesterday when I was at the gym, I saw a guy put all the dumbbells back in order before taking his off the shelf; he left the weight room a little better than he found it.

A couple of times recently, some fellow gym-goers have said things to me like, “I see you are working really hard. Great job!” and that left me better than I was before.

When I take a plane ride, I often will purposely choose a seat near someone with a small child because I know flying with a toddler/baby is stressful. And since I am not bothered by babies or children, I can provide some relief to that parent. Hopefully that leaves the parent less stressed than when I found them!

When we repurpose or rehab old things, we are most certainly leaving them better than we found them.

When you fix up a house and give it some TLC, you leave it better than you found it for the next owners.

When people pick up trash on their walks, they’re leaving the path better than they found it.

When we greet strangers with kindness and a smile, when we are friendly to a cashier, and when we dispense, “Thank you so much!” and, “You’re welcome!” with abandon, we leave people better than we found them.

I know there are lots of other examples so tell me:

How do you leave things better than you found them?

(and the corollary: how have people left you better than when they found you?)