What if you could have that AND your money?
Lisey and I were on the phone the other day, and she was telling me about a pair of shoes she bought on Depop, a secondhand fashion site.
Of course, I told her about the shoes I just bought from eBay.
And then we got to talking about how great it is when you can get exactly the thing you want for a lower price.
Sometimes people think it's embarrassing to do frugal things like getting free stuff or buying secondhand, but I fail to see what is embarrassing about it. If you can have the item you want AND you can keep more of your money, that's something to celebrate, not something to be ashamed of.
(I recognize that as a frugal blogger, my take on this may not be representative of humanity as a whole. I have made a career of not being ashamed of my frugality. Ha.)
If your brand of frugality is deprivation-heavy, then ok, yes, I can see how people would judge you for that.
For instance, if the soles of your shoes have holes in them and you choose to keep wearing them, you might get judged.
But if you have almost-new shoes that you got for a fraction of the price, I think you should be admired, not judged.
Choosing to subsist on packets of ramen: ok, yes, maybe embarrassing.
But if you are cooking nutritious meals at home, you should be proud.
Or if you bring in a nice packed lunch, that is not embarrassing. It just means you're keeping more of your paycheck, while also eating well.
If you have solid wood furniture that you got for free, you should be proud. You have lovely furniture and you got to keep your money. In fact, you probably have better furniture than you would if you'd bought brand new stuff!
If you're rewashing and reusing plastic cutlery, I can see how that would be a little embarrassing (and also not recommended because that stuff is not designed to be reused. Hello, microplastics!) But I am not remotely embarrassed about my collection, which is a combo of abandoned house silverware + Buy Nothing Group silverware. All free.
I just think there are so many ways to get the things you want without paying full price. You don't have to give up everything wonderful in life; you just have to find a less expensive way to get all those wonderful things.
And there is almost always a less expensive way out there. 🙂
P.S. I hope this is clear but just in case: this post is about situations where frugality is a choice, which is very different than living below the poverty line.
P.P.S. Frugality is not embarrassing, but being stingy is. Selfishness should always be embarrassing. 😉
I agree with everything stated above; plus, buying secondhand/used is also more eco-friendly!
Thinking that every one of us feels just as you do about frugality; now if only the spendy crowd would catch on–but then who would set out free furniture for us? 😉
The re-siding project continues through August, and my headache from banging/buzzing/pounding also continues. I know I could go elsewhere, but then the worry side of me wouldn't be able to enjoy whatever I was doing while my husband was working on the house (what if he got hurt and I wasn't here to help?!!). so yeah, staying home with a here again/gone again headache. But this project is saving us soooo much money that it'll easily cover the cost of our upcoming vacation.
I laughed out loud at "...who would set out free furniture for us?". The number of times I've gone down the mental rabbit hole of "but if everyone also put 90% of their remaining cash in ETFs, then the economy would stagnate...??"
Embarrassed? Who's embarrassed?? I tell everybody! And if you're a friend of mine, you'll get some of my cool frugal/thrifted stuff too!
@A,Marie - YES! My friends/family all know they will be getting secondhand gifts that I thrift with them in mind!
Honestly, in our office cafetaria (which is not bad) they do not serve lunches anywhere near what you prepare!
JNL,
The cafeteria where I work would *easily* charge 10+ US dollars for a meal like Kristen's!
What do you do with the worn out Altas that you just replaced? Do you throw them out? My husband replaces his running shoes regularly since they do wear out, but then he never wants to throw out the old ones. He says he’ll wear them to mow the lawn or do home repair projects and I say sure, but you only need one pair for that, not six. I don’t think it’s fair to donate worn out shoes, I want to throw these in the actual trash to be clear. Is there some better destiny for worn out shoes?
H&M ( if you have one in your area) takes items ( clothing and shoes) that are no longer fit to be worn or beyond repair. Not sure what their whole process is, but the end result is to keep items like that out of landfills.
Hope this helps!
Food for thought. I'm fortunate that where I live NH there is a textile recycling company and they take shoes/sneakers. They donate what they can and then turn the rest into usable products such as insulation. Maybe there is something like that near you, or where the shoes could be easily shipped??
https://shoesforsouls.com/
to donate shoes
Hmmm, this was actually Beth in SE PA rather than Beth in NH–which reminds me to use my new username rather than just Beth
Beth,
Thank you for the link! However, they accept new and "gently used" shoes, not worn out shoes.
Beth,
Thank you for the link! However, they are looking for donations of new or "gently used" shoes.
Oops, sorry for the double comment!
Girls on the Run is an organization for young girls that teaches and encourages the skills to build their confidence, develop meaningful relationships, and discover the joy of movement, all while training for their first 5k run! - they accept donations of used sneakers , clean them up and give them to girls in the program that cannot afford them.
Nike takes their brand for recycling and some running stores like Fleet Feet take them, too. My son downgrades one pair for everyday wear and one for messy work and then they get recycled.
When my shoes are TRULY worn out, like not good enough for yard work, I usually take them to the Nike store and toss them in their recycling bin (I think they are turned into playground mulch or something like that.)
What a wonderful topic. I get a thrill out of buying second hand items that I've wanted forever. I also enjoy wearing or using things that have a history. I guess I have an active imagination.
My first career job was very far from the South, in Los Angeles, Beverly Hills to be specific. I arrived with two suitcases and a lot of hope. My company was rather posh, and lunch was a thing. However, my thing was saving money so I brought sandwiches for lunch and went to the community pool nearby to get exercise and see a lot of happy people. I also had a car accident after 8 months of drought. My car hydroplaned into the one in front of it. Remarkably, the other person claimed it was his fault and they gave me $1,200! So what did I do? I drove my wrecked car around for a year (and horrified my coworkers ). My boyfriend and I bought and sold VWs with the money, frequently just changing the spark plugs before making a $200 or $300 profit. In 2 years I had amassed $7,000! In 1982 that was almost enough to buy a brand new Honda Accord. However I didn't. I bought a Toyota!
Oh I forgot to say that in my job I was the only female in the department and the men men did a classic 2 Martini lunch. I was assigned to all appointments for the first couple of hours after lunch!
My dear friends Mary was an engineer for a large company based in the Northeast. Now long retired she was the only female engineer but they had a secretarial pool. On her first day, one of the men came to her desk and said, "The ladies in this company take turns cleaning the kitchen."
Don't know what sort of biz it was, Jen, but personally I would hate to have any drunks handling my case.... Whether or not it was before or after their boozy lunch!
Ha! It was a British based antique and fine arts auction house. Drinking at lunch was for schmoozing clients etc.
Any variation of frugal obtaining is admirable (excluding theft🤣): eBay, thrift store, estate sale, buy nothing, free piles, etc…Personally buying something in a store on sale is ok, too. People brag over their “sale” purchases without shame all the time. Who cares which method they used? Sale purchases just have a different, classier halo to some folk.
My observation though is most stores these days, mark things up just so they can mark things down to make them *look* like they are “on sale!” I rarely buy clothing, new in stores these days because I can get something equally good (sometimes even better) and often the same, second hand for even less than “on sale.”
Being frugal is like paying yourself.
Amen! Well said, Anna!
I agree. And if I can get things on sale or used, I've saved money there. And it frees up $$ when I HAVE to get something new because it makes sense or there's no other option and I don't feel guilty about it.
I'm frugal and proud if it. There's a way to be thrifty versus frugal. I choose frugal every time! Good for u ou!!
Janet, I'm guessing that your "thrifty" = my "cheapskate" (the thing none of us want to be). I regard "thrifty" and "frugal" as two different ways of saying the same thing. But we Commentariat members differ in many ways, including how we use words.
Amen and amen!! So well put. I’ve been thrifting so long that if I have on something new my friends will say don’t tell me you found that at Goodwill! I’m a huge ambassador for secondhand.
You and I will disagree on this but I would never buy used shoes, underwear or a mattress. You could never convince me they are clean enough or worth the savings. I just watch for sales and other deals.
My only hesitation over used shoes is that I heard they can be bad for your feet - lightly used is probably fine though. I always buy new because my feet are awkward and between sizes.
I have no qualms about buying used shoes. I am very picky and only order the ones with zero wear on the soles. I also remove the insoles to make room for my orthotics. I buy the same style again and again, in multiple colors. It's an expensive brand, but not for me!
Last week, I scored a lovely full-zip cashmere sweater/jacket for $3.99 on half price day at GW. It makes me feel as though I'm beating the system when I find a deal like that. I'll wear it proudly for years to come.
After a lifetime of frugality, I am now FIRE. Have I abandoned my frugal ways? Heck, no! I am now able to give generously, which makes my heart sing.
It means different things to different people. To me, thrifting means cleverness and waste reduction. To my mother, it meant poverty. Different starting points, different outcomes.
Oh, yeah, both my MIL and my SIL thought I was nuts when they first met me. But in time, they came around. When my favorite nephew (my SIL's younger son) was here last week, one thing we reminisced about was how I used to buy worn-out alligator polo shirts at my usual sources, so that my SIL could sew the alligators onto less expensive non-logo'ed shirts and the boys could keep up with the Joneses. 😛
I swear my dad used to have a beach towel with alligators wearing polo shirts with humans as the logo LOL.
My friend's mom did the same thing many years ago, after her husband left her for a younger model. The mom was living in poverty with the youngest kids still at home and the ex was not paying his child support as ordered. Big legal mess! Their teen boy could make money being a golf caddy, but the ritzy county club (where the tips were very generous) required them to wear either polo or penguin shirts. (I forgot which, but they were too expensive to even consider!). So the mom bought raggedy name brand shirts at garage sales and sewed the logos on JCPenney plain pocket golf shirts. My friend was out of the house and working by then; IIRC, she gave her Mom a JCP card (Gift card? Credit card? Not sure) to help with this. I have no idea why one would need to dress in expensive name brand duds instead of just being clean and neat, but I'm glad they found a way to beat the system.
I can relate to that. I have some family members who get distressed when I buy things second-hand, because for them it's so linked with the idea of not being able to afford what you need.
I don't go as hard on thrifting as I used to, for two--well, three--reasons. One, I have more money now than I did as a student. Two, I often know exactly what I need and and prefer to buy that exact thing once than a few less-optimal things (prioritizing fewer possessions.) And three, unfortunately the thrift stores around me closed their changerooms during COVID and never reopened them, so I can't try anything on, which is the end of me buying second hand clothes for myself.
Exactly right!
If someone is crazy enough to get rid of a perfectly good *whatever*, then I'm crazy enough to get it secondhand --either for free or for a big, fat discount. At least 3/4 of the things I own are secondhand and still doing just fine. Seriously doubt anyone could tell I didn't buy it brand new.
Buying -- or picking up -- what others get rid of is, like, the centerpiece of my life! Not only am I not ashamed of it, I am stalwart in proclaiming my secondhand habit has given me me a lifestyle that is just as nice as someone who's spending twice as much.
Now, my family is a bit ashamed of me, but I think secretly awed and impressed. At least that's how I choose to think of it!
I grew up in a family that LOVED thrifting.A fun day for my Nan and my Aunt was taking me and my cousin to 3-4 thrift stores and finding goodies! Clothes, sewing notions, blankets to cut up for animal bedding, games, you name it—the thrill of the hunt was ingrained in me at a young age!
I LOVE good brand clothing.Stuff that lasts. I purchase my clothes almost exclusively at my fave consignment store where the selection is way better than cheapo Target or other local stores with “fast fashion.” So my clothes LAST and look good.I live in Arizona where it is HOT HOT HOT and I DO LIVE in the COSTCO SKORTS all summer..they run around 10 dollars,last years wash and dry fast, and I have them in many colors. Worn with all my fun tops from consignment.
Cooking and eating meals at home these days is a no brainer.. I think frugal people look a lot SMARTER than folks ordering door dash all week. Also better or the body! IF you approach cooking as a hobby that can help, but not everyone loves it.So learn 5 easy meals to start!
Using all the FREE options for entertainment is so easy..why would you NOT?Libraries in my town offer free craft classes,book clubs,history lectures,bird watching and more. Free culture passes to local museums. We have many gorgeous parks for free exercise and nature pleasure..bringing a picnic to the lake and watching the ducks is free fun! And free Vitamin D. I play cards with my neighbors, we takee turns hosting and providing small snacks.
I find living the frugal life, even after I have gotten older and can afford a few more luxuries,is just a thrilling and creative way to live! I splurge on what I truly feel is important like airfare to go vacation at my sis in law’s home, where we can enjoy our time together and see many local cultural sites too.. we cook together,walk the dog in a large park daily, play games, etc.
I THINK YOU HAVE CREATED AN INSPIRING BLOG TO HELP OTHERS LEARN THE JOYS OF FRUGAL LVIING.It’s a healthier way to be, in my opinion!!!
I completely agree. I get so excited when I find what I need/want for cheaper. I also love my local buy nothing group. It makes me feel good to share things we no longer need with someone who does (or in the case of this year, share my garden overabundance!) And thank you Kristen, I never thought of looking for the shoes on ebay. I love my altras but they are pricey!!
My only issue (as a semi-frugal person) is the time involved in being frugal. While I don't hesitate to clean my own house, cook from scratch, and sew my own clothes, I find coupon searching on my phone for grocery store specials to be a huge time consumption for instance. I grow impatient at having to find 7 items for $7 by going through item after item of stuff I don't want (Rice-a-roni or Hamburger Helper!!!), nor do I want 7 avocados, either. I just keep telling myself that it's a process.
I genuinely love all of my clothing that comes from Thredup. I typically buy brands/size I'm familiar with, but sometimes get something different and feel less pressure to take a chance because it's steeply discounted.
I have been thinking a lot about addictions these days. I have been in an outpatient eating recovery progam now for 3 months for binge disorder. I am embarrassed to write this even though I understand it is a mental health issue just like any other. I need to treat it seriously and with compassion. Why me? Science doesn't even know exactly. The solution is somewhere between nature and nurture.
Addiction is a chronic medical condition where a person has an uncontrollable need to use a substance or do an activity, even though it causes harm, pain, or problems in their daily life. Both shopping "new" excessively and excessive frugality can cause great pain to the one who suffers and all those around the one addicted.
My goal is to be in the middle, just what Kristen describes. I buy new treats and use my CVS coupons for eyebrow pencil. I can see a clear peaceful path for me in this area. I am hoping the food world becomes as clear.
Thank you for being vulnerable Mary Ann! I like the idea of a middle, peaceful path.
Much love and prayers for you in your struggle. Remember the little worm who says "Yard by yard life is hard, inch by inch, it's a cinch!"
You can do it!
Mary Ann, for the umpteenth time, I am wishing we were friends in real life!
Back at you.
Thank you for your comment, Mary Ann. I have been a recovering bulemic for 37 years. Addiction is an illness just as cancer, heart disease, or diabetes is. Since I cannot avoid food, I do my best to keep it in balance rather than all or nothing. I also take just one day at a time, and do the best I can within each day. Some days are better than others -- there is no perfection. Wishing you well on your journey.
I have been a sober alcoholic for 38 years. Nothing has kick my ass more than my challenges with food. What is the saying? I have to let the tiger out of its cage 3 times a day. Also, social media almost glamorizes/ encourages food obsession as opposed to alcoholism which is frowned upon. If I am too skinny it is looked on as triumph of will power. If I am overweight, I am lazy. The idea of healthy has to come within me most often. Thank Goodness, I have a husband of 25 years and a 24 year old son who look at me and see beautiful. I have friends who encourage. I have the ability to delete Facebook feeds that make me crazy.
( I am the same age as Demi Moore and Courtney Cox. God Bless their path but it is not mine.
Mary Ann,
Congrats on your 38 yrs. Don’t discount what it says that you’ve achieved them. Oftentimes those of us who’ve been sober for so long tend to forget what it took to get and stay that way because other challenges overtake us. You’ll prevail over your disordered eating with the same inner conviction you’ve used for alcohol. You are taking responsibility for your own health and that is a gift to those who love you! They are lucky!
Sending you a virtual flower bouquet for your honesty, Mary Ann. And, yes, with frugality as with food, there's a middle path to aim for.
Mary Ann, I admire your honesty, vulnerability and bravery. Wishing you all the best on your peaceful, middle path.
you are the frugal queen. and you should be proud not embarrassed. none of us need to be embarrassed. we are all doing the best we can with what we've got. YAY us. and YAY you.
I love that frugal, careful, mindful ways allowed me to retire early, establish a foundation and scholarship fund (with lovely caring like minded people).
I buy used shoes, new underwear and new mattresses.
PREACH! When I need something, I always check free/secondhand first! Why pay full price if you don't have to? It's also good for the environment to reuse/get things secondhand. When I peruse thrift stores/estate/yard sales it shocks me what a "disposable" culture the world has become.
Yes, Cheryl. You are so right! I once read about a preacher who was visiting the US from his native Third World country. For some reason, his hosts took him to see the local landfill. According to the story, he began crying. The preacher said people in his homeland, living in extreme poverty, could have used many of the items he saw piled up as junk and trash.
Overconsumption has become the norm, to that point where underconsumption / frugality feels like an act of resistance.
Are you the only nurse that packs their own lunch?
At my last and final hospital, we had a subzero fridge because so many of us brought our own food. Geez, by the time you reach the cafeteria, half of your lunch break was used up standing in line, finding a table. Ugh.
Oh, no, a number of my co workers do as well!
I had a conversation the other day with someone and I made the point that why should you pay more for something if you could get it for free or less.
I have known several wealthy (and I do mean rich) families. Almost all of them practice frugality and often in a way that is somewhat obnoxious at times in terms of how they handle negotiations for services.
They have tons of money and then some but they will not pay one more cent than they have to and do a lot of what is sometimes embarrassing hondling and negotiating over price (by that I mean they say rather nasty things about a product or service to the seller or creator or supplier, thus insulting them in the process. NOOOO)
Insulting someone is NOT the way to get a price down unless maybe you are in some foreign market where insults are the norm.
Any way you can save money, to me, makes sense. And I hate that someone would be made to feel bad or shamed for opting for saving on something (provided they are not insulting anyone else in the process.)
I wish I had embraced frugality (still hate that word) years ago. I shudder at the amount of money I wasted.
Frugality takes on many forms depending on the individual and items/services to be purchased.
I love your site for many reasons and I love that you do not apologize for trying to make your money go far.
Amen to “selfishness should always be embarrassing”!
Maybe it is my somewhat advanced years (66), but being judged is a non-issue. I absolutely do not care what other people think about my shoes, clothing, hair, silverware, food, choice of music, transportation, buying habits, or anything else in my life. Those opinions are completely irrelevant to how I choose to live.
If the thought of being judged is troubling to someone out there, take heart: in time you will learn that it doesn’t matter a hill of beans.
I am a couple of years ahead of you Central California Artist Jana and I feel exactly the same as you regarding not being burdened by others opinions. It is so freeing!
At almost 71 years of age, CCA Jana and BC Elaine, I too have no further #$%&s to give about what other people think of me. Letting it all hang out is liberating!
I am in my thirties and have decided to stop caring about what people think of me early!
You go, girl!!
Thanks! I had a book as a kid where someone's grandmother was described as something like 'the original hippy' with long hair, no makeup and mismatched clothes. I knew that was who I wanted to be when I grew up (and it still is!).
Sophie in Denmark,
I loved when the movie Annie Hall came out and Diane Keaton's mismatched clothing/thrift shop chic was suddenly the in thing, the hottest fashion. Too bad it didn't last long.... At least among the general population.
La-di-dah, la-di-dah! And RIP Diane Keaton.
I never thought about microplastics in disposable utensils! *gasp* I always try to reuse them if they're sturdy enough. I will have to carry my own utensils more often. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!
I carry two sets of the stackable boy scouts knife fork spoon, folding chopsticks all rolled up in two cloth napkins.
Fantastic take on frugality -- well done!
Growing up I wore hand-me-down clothing from my cousins. My sisters wore my hand-me-down clothes. But my mother drew the line at shoes. We always got new shoes because she believed that used shoes could damage our feet. It took me a long time to try second hand shoes but once I got a $60 pair of new Naot sandals for $5 at a yard sale I was hooked. Even so, I still hope Mama can’t see me!!
Considering the starting quality of Naot and assuming you inspected them, I say well done!
Just the other day DH was commenting that he wished he'd taken the offer for insurance to pay for an elevated toilet seat when OT/PT recommended it for DS#3--at the time we had a bedside commode and it just didn't seem necessary--but now he is walking around the house better so we're thinking, yeah, that would have been a good idea. So DH was looking at prices for one of those seats.
A day ago he came home from the grocery store (using his bike as he always does) and said, "You'll never guess what I ALSO brought home!" On his way back, he saw a elevated toilet seat out on the curb. It was clean and in good condition, so he lashed it to his trailer with bungee cords and brought it home. Later we were out for a bike ride and he saw a man out at the house where he'd found the seat, and he went over to double check with him that it was okay we'd picked up the seat. The gentleman was a little confused 😀 but said it was okay, the neighbor living there was moving to assisted living and didn't need the equipment anymore so they were helping him get the house ready to sell.
Some would be embarrassed to tell this story, but I'm pretty gleeful about the fact that just two days after we were talking about buying something (that can run to $100 or more without insurance), it literally showed up free for the taking.
*Do not worry, we will be sanitizing the seat to the nines before it is put into use!
Another good place to find medical equipment is thrift stores be when someone dies or goes to the nursing home, the relatives may call Caritas, St Vincent de Paul, Salvation Army or whoever to come clean out the house. I've seen walkers and wheelchairs and pkgs of adult diapers a lot when I go thrifting.
Karen, I love the image of your husband biking home with the curb-picked toilet seat!
Love this post!!!
Do not forget there is a risk of fungal infections from secondhand shoes!!
I used to have a "To Buy" list that I renamed "Acquire" once I realized that more often than not I ask for things via my Buy Nothing group or try to find an alternative before buying something, preferably secondhand. No embarrassment here!
The color of that eBay dress is amazing. You have me on eBay trying to find it!
Ohhhh, that is the blue that you love!!
I think the brand is Leith.
100% agree! I am frugal so that I can spend on things that are important to me, like travel, tipping well, my kids, etc.