What does it mean to be "cheap"?
Today, I have a request for you. List for me, in the comments, some of the behaviors you categorize as cheap rather than frugal.
(And here I mean "cheap" with all of its negative connotations. We're in the neighborhood of things like "miserly", "skinflint", and "scrooge", ok?)
My theory has long been that when you exercise extreme frugality in ways that only affect you, it's fine, but when you start negatively affecting others, then you're veering into cheap territory.
I wrote about this in some greater detail in 2022 (Am I frugal or just ridiculous?), but some examples:
If you use a raggedy bath towel for yourself, fine. If you make your guests use a towel with holes in it, that's cheap.
If you get a free unopened bottle of ketchup from your Buy Nothing group, fine. If you take 32 packets of ketchup from the cafeteria, that's cheap (your excess use affects the cafeteria, not just you).
If you serve yourself beans, fine. If you serve beans to someone who hates them, that's cheap. Get some chicken, and eat beans some other time.
Basically, if you are selfish and inconsiderate in the ways you spend money, then you're being cheap.
But now that I'm thinking about it, I suppose there are other ways to be cheap. For instance, if you save money by staying in a beach hotel that is a dump, that might be cheap, whereas if you find a discount off-season in a nicer hotel, that would fall into the "frugal" category.
Or, let's say you took free food intended for hungry people, even though you are not anywhere near going hungry. That seems cheap to me, and it also seems to fall under the "selfish and inconsiderate" umbrella.
Help me come up with a working definition!
I want to hear all of the things you think of as cheap behaviors, and then we can figure out how we define cheap vs. frugal. I do think my "Who does this affect?" theory at least partially explains it, but it feels incomplete.
So, tell me: what money-saving behaviors have you observed as cheap, not frugal?
P.S. In this context, we are only considering instances where money-saving is a choice. In other words, this is not a discussion of poverty, because in such cases, there is little choice involved.
Going out to eat with others and then doing something that puts the burden of the bill on them…I have several acquaintances who are really good at this!
Oh, and a former coworker who was extremely cheap did two other things I remember - once told me she wanted to take me on an outing for my birthday, she would cover the (inexpensive) admission and I could do gas and buy lunch (suffice to say I never took her up on this offer) and she would also often ask me to pick something up when she knew I was going to a warehouse store but then never even remembered to pay me back.
Maybe buying the less expensive version of an item that you'll need to replace repeatedly, when you could afford to get the more reliable, expensive version ( on sale of course!) instead?
Staying with people and never offering to cover expenses or a dinner out?
Resounding yes to the latter! I have cousins that come in from out of town regularly. In the past, they often stayed with my mom and not once brought her a thank you gift. They did, however, offer to take her to dinner. But to a fast food restaurant knowing that she did not enjoy or eat that food because of her diet (health issues). My mom is not hosting them anymore.
I think it's when you are being ungenerous to others; such as refusing to ever treat someone and lending someone a small amount of money and demanding it back to the very last penny (I should add that this is only if you can afford to treat someone or do without the change). Otherwise I agree with your examples, such as taking free food or clothing intended for people in poverty and/or on very low income.
On a personal level, it seems cheap to me to never spend money on anything fun. Again, I only mean this if you can afford to do so, but I personally don't want to live so rigidly that I would never take a vacation or go to see a film or hang out with friends because I don't want to spend money. A lot of people say they'll save for a big vacation when they retire...but who knows what will happen in those intervening years? And what your health might be at that age?
It's definitely a balance, and I think the other danger is spending without thinking because 'life's too short'. Still, I think it's a little cheap to never go on a small trip, buy an ice cream or simply have coffee with a friend. You're spending money but you're also creating an experience and building friendships. Again, I only mean this for those who are able to afford it - not for those who are on a very tight budget.