What do I even title this? (a hard life update)
Deep breath.
Ok.
More than one of you has noticed that any marital mentions have been conspicuously absent from my posts for the last two months.
And more than one of you has emailed me to ask about this.
I have waffled and wavered and hemmed and hawed about what to say, and I probably still am going to get it "wrong".
So, here's what's going on:
On the advice of, and with the support of a counselor and pastor, I left my house in mid-January, and the girls and I moved in with my parents.
(I left my house and then came down with Covid three days later. God really was like, "Here, how about a few more troubles this week!" Ha.)
If I thought this situation was going to be a short state of affairs, I would stay quiet about it.
In fact, in 2018, I was in this same position for four months, and I said nothing about it on the blog. At the time, we had gotten into marriage counseling and I thought things were going to be ok, so I figured nothing needed to be said.
But, I am sorry to say that things are currently very not-ok. I do not know what the future holds for my marriage, but I do know that if it gets put back together, it is not going to be any time soon.
And that is why I am sharing this with all of you; I think this is going to go on long enough that it would be extremely difficult for me to keep blogging while also keeping this quiet.
(Like, some of you have wondered why I am not going on date nights, or why my grocery spending has been so low.)
There is obviously so, so much more that I could share about this situation, but I want to be respectful to everyone involved.
How I'm doing
My heart is very heavy; I have thrown myself into my marriage for almost 25 years now, and this is certainly not where I had hoped to be. It is also most certainly not the family situation I wanted for my children.
Some days I am sad, some days I am angry, some days I am confused, some days I am hurt, some days I feel full of grief.
Almost daily, I go for long walks on the trails in the woods near my parents' house; sometimes those walks are happy times, and other times, I sit down on a log and just sob.
I have cried so much since I left, and I have spent so many days in the last few years crying as well.
(I can confirm that a human body is capable of producing a nearly-inexhaustible supply of tears.)
And yet, in the midst of these terrible times, I also see blessings, particularly in the form of people rallying around to help and support me.
There are always, always mercies, and that is why I have been able to keep doing Thankful Thursdays these last few years.
Trials and blessings can coexist, and in times of trials, it is ever more essential for me to be a blessing-sleuth, hunting for the bright spots in the midst of the dark.
You will usually just see my smiles, on social media, or on my blog. The smiles are genuine, because I can have moments of joy even when life is hard.
But please know that there has also been plenty of gut-wrenching sobbing happening too.
Some days I look like this.
And some days I look like this.
I can see where some of you might think I am being fake when I count my blessings or when I smile. But I look at this as me practicing what I preach; the rubber has met the road, and I am persevering in my gratefulness habits.
I understand that this news might come as a bit of a shock to you, particularly to those who have followed me for a long time. In a way, I feel almost like I am letting you down.
This blog is real life, though, not fiction, and sometimes real life takes twists and turns that are disappointing and unexpected.
So I think the kindest and fairest thing for me to do is to be open and honest about those disappointing turns; you deserve realness from me because fake-ness serves no one.
Do we all wish my life was not currently like this? Sure.
Does it do any good to pretend that things are different than they are? Nope.
So, what now? (for me AND for the blog)
I am currently looking for a place to rent for a year. Given the current state of things, I am going to need at least that long to get clarity.
I would imagine that some things about my new living situation will show up in blog posts...like, I might be rehabbing some old furniture in order to cheaply furnish whatever place I end up renting.
I will probably do a lot of second-hand shopping to outfit my kitchen (which is probably going to be pretty minimalist by necessity!)
And I will need to be careful about all of my expenses in order to afford the rent in this very inflated rental market.
So, some of my content might be a little different than it has been before, but I think the themes will be the same.
And that is because no matter what life situation I am in, I am still my same frugal, waste-averse self; I'm gonna bring that energy into this chapter of my life just like I did in all the previous chapters.
I will continue to seek wise counsel and help as I try to figure out what my path forward from here looks like. I will continue to love my girls, work on my nursing degree, and write posts here.
And I know that whatever my future looks like, I will be ok. God will take care of me, and there will always be people around to support me.
There is so much hard in my life, but there is also so much good, and if you want to come along as I make the best of this (bumpy) ride, I'd be honored to have you stick around.
_________________
P.S. I realize that this post probably leaves you with more questions than answers. I don't want to get into the specifics of the particular issues in my marriage, but other questions are fair game.
P.P.S. Please know that leaving my home and my marriage was extremely difficult for me. It was not, by any stretch of the imagination, my first course of action.
Oh, Kristen, my heart breaks for you. Hugs and prayers!
I just want to give you a big hug. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will pray for you.
Kristen, dear heart, I am so, so sorry to read this. Just as you've been here for a lot of us in our troubles, let us now be here for you, to the extent that we can. I will keep you and the whole situation in my thoughts, and I wish you all the best possible outcome--whatever that may be.
Thank you so much; I know that you are going through so many challenges in your life too, and I appreciate you having space to care about my difficulties too.
@Kristen, @A. Marie - while I know neither of you “in real life,” I’ve felt a connection to you both through the years, reading your stories. For different, unimportant reasons, they’ve resonated with me & given me hope & strength when needed. You both find the good in the hard and the grace when it’s needed. I’m not saying either one of you is perfect or being held on a pedistol, I’m saying you both TRY. And some days, that’s all you’ve got to do. You’ve both got a virtual friend in me who needs zero details about the situation but is lifting you up in care & support. To quote a famous person who may or may not be someone you follow “We can do hard things.” I’m proud of both of you and wish you both comfort, peace & moments of joy in the hard stuff.
Thank you, Patti!
@Patti Downs,
That was beautiful. It left me with chills.
From what I have read on your blog, you are an amazing and extremely kind person who would never hurt anybody on purpose. I wish you lots of strength and support from your loved ones. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you virtual hugs!
.... Marriage problems did not even occur to me. Your marriage always seemed so perfect to me (even though you did not pretend it to be perfect). I think that says more about me (single woman that I am) than about you - the grass is always greener on the other side... Thank you for being so honest and real and for opening up to your community! It means a lot to me.
Praying for you, Kristen. ❤️
Hi Kristen,
you are a brave and strong woman!
Thank you for being so open and what great trust you have in your Blogger community!!!!
I do not want to focus on the "I am so sorry" part - because I am sure in the course of time you will figure things out for yourself and those who care about you and those whom you care about.
Your faith and your honesty and your openess - towards life in general and towards your community on this blog - will be the crucial tools which will guide you through all obstacles.
I so very much do admire you and am so glad and thankful to have found your blog.
@Lea, I agree with this 100%...especially your last sentence. Kristen has blessed me tremendously and has improved my mindset and my life over the years.
Kristen, I'm so sorry for you... you are in my prayers
Many blessings and hugs sent your way
Kristen,
I had finally figured out that something like this was unfortunately going on but knew it was yours to share if and when the time was right. I am so sorry for all the pain and suffering you have endured these past months and years. I am grateful that your parents and other family members (children, siblings and their families) are there for you and that you have blogging income that allows you some choices.
I find walks in nature to be among the best balms for tough times and I'm glad you have that readily accessible.
Thank you for being so real. I think your blog followers, including me, will be very supportive. Dark humor wise, it will give you a lot of new things to write about.
Virtual hug to you.
Yes, yes, to the blog giving me choices. I have said that so many times recently. And yes, you are right, I am sure there will be so much to write about!
I’m sending you a big hug and spent some time praying for you this morning. I’ve always loved reading your blog and your cheerful spirit has been an encouragement to me always. ❤️
I don’t know you, but I love you and i am sending you the very biggest hug to just keep on going. You will get to the other side, whatever it looks like.
I am so sorry to read you are going through this. Oddly enough I had not made a connection with what was missing, with illnesses and spring breaks.. What I have had strongly on my mind the last week or so when reading your posts is your son.. and hoping things were quietly working out for you. Now reading what you wrote( and all that you did not write) my heart breaks for your heavy burden and I pray that peace be showered on you and that you and our girls remain strong and safe!
@jes, I could have written this. They only thing I thought was, "Well, if Kristen had those pretty woods to be walking in all along, why didn't she share more pictures of them!" Shows me how self-centered I am.
Kristen, I'm so sorry for your pain and struggles. I will add this to my FG prayers.
Thank you for your prayers, Jody! I know that you care. 🙂
YOU ARE TRULY AMAZING. I can't imagine how hard it is to live through what you are and then to have to tell all of us readers. I rarely comment but have been reading since probably 2012 and needed to make sure you felt heard, appreciated and supported by your "crew".
@Riley, Agreed!
@Ann,
Well said. I don't usually comment but I have been a reader for years, and I am so grateful for the openness, honesty, and optimism of this blog. Kristen, you are an amazing person and you will land on your feet no matter what happens. You are endlessly generous and talented and whip-smart, and even if you are on a different path than you expected, you will make the most of it and be a success in any endeavor you take on. You have a huge wellspring of support from people you have never met who are rooting for you and keeping you and your beautiful family in our thoughts.
I am so very touched by the outpouring of support today. I have cried happy tears so many times today, reading emails and comments and dms. This is one of the mercies I was talking about. Is my marriage terribly hard? Yep. But look at how much love is coming my way from all of you!
I have so much to be grateful for.
@Kristen;
This time, you're reaping what you sowed. Your blog is an outpouring of grace shared, and support, and love, and faith, and family, and kindness. Of course this is what's coming back to you.
Sending you wishes of love, peace and strength. Your blog posts and the community that you’ve created have made a difference to so many. You have taken us through good times and bad. I hope that we can do that for you.
Kristen, thank you for sharing the hard and not just the good. I wish you strength in your struggles; may they lead to a place of light and happiness, where I am sure you will find an even stronger foundation for whatever may come.
Very different circumstances, but I recently furnished an apartment very frugally, and it is very comfortable and nice though I miss my other home. Giving up on some things we thought we cared about, we come to appreciate the little things and things that really matter.
With family and my children, there have also been big transitions that I have sometimes had a hard time with and have felt very powerless with. Know that your love will carry them always and reach them even in dark places. Take care of yourself.
Yes, I try to remember that; I miss my own house and my possessions and my kitchen and my piano and who knows how many other things, but I also know that I will be able to make a little home in a new spot too.
@Kristen, I have noticed that things come and go in our lives cyclically, and some things that we feared were gone return to us in another season. And sometimes a loss is the space we need for something else to grow.
@Kristina, This is a beautiful sentiment, particularly your last sentence. Thank you so very much for sharing it.
@Kristen, I understand if you don’t publish this, but just wanted to say you should be able to access your house for your belongings. The piano might be too much to move, but you shouldn’t have to start from scratch outfitting your kitchen, or get all new furniture. If safety is an issue the police can accompany you. Take care.
I was just thinking the same thing. I understand why you might not be ready to consult a lawyer yet, but remember you have rights to your communal property, and you shouldn’t need to completely start over with furnishing a home and kitchen. It may just be that you don’t feel getting possessions would be worth it - certainly no need to explain! I know you’re naturally an optimistic, kind, giving person though, so I just want to remind you that you also have the right to look out for yourself too.
I also just want to say that I’ve been a faithful reader for years and years now, and while I don’t know you, I often feel like I do. I’m so sorry this happened, but I know enough about you to know that you and your kids will be ok. My parents divorced when I was a teenager. Things actually became easier once they divorced and were no longer trying to make things work “for the kids.” As long as your kids know you love them (which they clearly do), it will all be ok.
@Laura, and @Kristen, I agree. You should be able to get your beloved possessions from your home. Please reach out if you need me.
@Kristen,
I recognize you're the best judge of how to navigate your situation, but I wanted to make sure you know you're entitled to half the possessions in your household. It's unnecessary to spend your energy refurnishing an entire new place, especially when you've already amassed all the kitchen items that perfectly meet your needs. Please know you have the right to go get whatever you want from your home. If needed, police will accompany you to pick up items. Or your family and friends can accompany you. Go once with a truck or van, take what you need, and be done. Or don't if you don't want to. But it seems unfair that you face the burden of rebuying everything from scratch.
Thank you for your bravery in sharing. Praying for you and your family as you work through your next steps. ❤️
I feel sad and selfish that I did not notice obvious things like other readers did. Mostly I wonder about Joshua and whether he made it back into the fold, but it looks like he has not. And yes, you can have laughter and happiness in the face of grief. Its a very weird thing that us humans possess! (a blog reader told me recently that the outside doesn't always match the inside and that is 100% true) Your readers have learned to care about and love you for who you are, and who you are doesn't seem to have changed. I, too, struggle to share more of me than I am comfortable with. You are under zero obligation to do that, of course, but some frugal advice about this massive life change? That would be welcome to me, as I am learning to live as a single woman, too, and I'm sure you have very practical advice to share. Thinking of you today.
Oh goodness, Gina, please do not feel bad! I was purposely trying to keep this quiet until I decided what I wanted to say. You are certainly not selfish, and plus, I know that you are dealing with your own serious loss and grief as a new widow.
I will certainly share as much as I can about how I am navigating this financially. 🙂
I feel the same as @gina: how could I not have noticed this if others did, and I also feel like I must be WAY too self-centered. I can't imagine how hard it is to go through this at your "age and stage," but if it is what must happen, better now than later. I will be praying for you and the kids as you navigate this. I know it must be very painful for everyone.
@Bonnie, I didn't notice either and feel badly about that (which I know was'nt FG's intention), no matter how many challenging things there are in my life.
Kristen I am sure you have the most valid reasons and in this situation you need to do things in the right time and place. If you wish there is no need to explain. Some things are very very private. My heart breaks for you. God bless you and all your loved ones and may you always feel HIs presence. Lots of love.
Oh, Kristen. So many prayers for you and your family as you navigate this. The end of a marriage--even trying to decide if ending a marriage is the right thing--results in grieving, for sure. And so, I will pull out my much-used, but no less sincere, response in times of grief: I wish you gentle passage through this difficult time.
Thank you, friend. Yes, so much grief; it's like a loss of a dream, a future that I hoped would be.
@Kristen, I had thought my marriage was the happiest I knew, and our family the happiest and luckiest ever. This, now, isn't the family I wanted for my children--this isn't the future I wanted for myself.
But I've fought hard to make it the best it could be for myself and for them. I didn't just lose my husband--I lost his family as well and at least half of our friends.
I have thought of you several times as I've been walking through this; I know your marriage came to such a hard end for you, so I know you know what it feels like to try to readjust what you thought your life would be like.
@Rose, "this now isn't the family I wanted for my children-this isn't the future I wanted for myself." Thanks for giving words to the thoughts I've had the last several years in my life.
@Rose, you hit the nail on the head. When a marriage ends an entire future is wiped away.
@Rose, I am so sorry. I am sure you are doing right by your kids. A big hug to you from me.
@kristin @ going country, "I wish you gentle passage through this difficult time." What a beautiful phrase. I will be using that in the future, when there really is nothing else helpful to say. Thank you.
@Kristen, I can certainly agree. Much love to you and the girls. Keep moving ahead, one step at a time. Know all of us in your community will be behind you no matter what happens. You are strong, you make a difference and you deserve to be happy.
@Rose, my husband was killed in May 2019, which was yesterday and also almost three years ago.
I call this sensation “forward amnesia” because just like amnesia wipes away all of our memories and leaves a blank space, so too does grief and loss, especially sudden, unexpected loss - every hope and dream and thought for the future? Poof, gone. Stunningly disorienting.
Kristen, today’s writing is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve read here. Grief and hope do an odd dance, don’t they? and you write that so well.
I am so sorry for your loss, and I am so very grateful that we get to rest in the certainty that God’s heart toward us is good, even (especially) in grief.
Johanna
@Johanna, I am so sorry. What a tragedy.
The day after my husband left, I had to go to court with my son. (Marijuana possession charge. Of course now it's legal, sigh.) I literally could not understand what his lawyer said to us (my son and me--his father gave up on him). It was in English, but I could not process any of it. "What? What did you say?" Shock is so very very weird.
I also know what you mean about three years ago and also yesterday. Most nights I dream about my husband, even though he left in March 2013. Now the dreams are about him being mean to me, versus the previous dreams where life was normal.....?
I am sorry. I don't want to make Kristen's blog about me and I am worried about doing that. I just want to share things that happened to me in the hope they will help a little.
@Kristen, I'm grieving the loss of the future I thought I was going to have, too. It's no damn fun and a lot of work, although realizing that grieving is part of it makes it a touch more understandable. I'm looking forward to helping you with yours, best as I can. We help ourselves when we help others, eh?
Man, ain't life some s*** sometimes? I'm hoping spring brings a feeling of new growth and renewed hopes for you, and I'm glad you are able to feel the love of others around you. Please add my love as well.
@Becca,
LOVE your response! You're exactly right!
I comment so rarely, but I've read every post of yours for years. I've had a busy last couple months, but I can't believe I didn't notice the lack of Mr. FG in your posts. I'm sure it's been difficult to go on acting like everything is normal on your blog. Writing this post and making everything "public" is incredibly courageous of you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're clearly a strong, independent woman and an amazing mom, and I look forward to coming along for this part of your journey.
Well, it looks like another Emily commented pretty much exactly what I was going to comment. (normally a lurker, not a commenter, been reading your blog forever, plus the fact that I think Kristen is awesome).
I'm sure it took a lot for you to post this. The weird thing about blog-world is that I'm guessing so many of us (well, I definitely do) think of you as a sort of friend, yet you really don't know the vast majority of us. So, know that you have a whole bunch of friends cheering you on through this and whatever may come next. <3
Thank you! The internet support really does mean a lot. 🙂
Also a longtime reader who very rarely comments. But Emily put it so well. You have SO many internet friends who will walk with you, lift you up in prayer and cheer you on. As one who has also often wondered about Joshua, he too is in my prayers.
You and your family are in my prayers. I will pray for God's Will in your lives. "If He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it."
I am so sorry for what you're going through, this situation as well as the situation with your son. I'm sad that you were worried that some readers might think you have let them down. If they feel that way, it's on them, not you! Any response other than compassion doesn't even deserve your time and attention. You are in my prayers.
Praying for all of you.
I am terribly sorry that you find yourself in this situation. I have been through a divorce with children and know how challenging marital problems can be, but I also am very well aware of the unexpected joys life tends to send our way. I am praying you have many of those! Sending love and support and well wishes for you and your family!
Sending you love, strength, and as many moments of peace and joy that can be scattered through your days. While the circumstances are different (relationships are never the same), I divorced my husband a few years ago and I can confirm - the human body can produce more tears than the ocean.
I’m sorry you are going through this. My daughter is in a similar situation—she’s taking steps to dissolve her marriage, but due to finances, they both (and my two grandchildren) are still living in the same house. Even when conditions are good (enough money, available housing, access to counseling), this is a difficult process.
Deep breaths. You can get through this, regardless of the outcome.
Oh wow, that must be quite a challenge to still be under the same roof. Kudos to her for being able to do that!
I am so very sorry. I wish I could just give you a good, heartfelt hug. My thoughts will be with you today. I even though I don't usually post, please know I am here and will remain being a faithful reader sending you love.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and let me know you are here!
Hugs and prayers for you and your family. ❤️
Prayers, love, hugs and most especially God's continued blessing. <3
So sorry for your hardships, Kristen. I have been there, with children, where everything you thought was secure and sacred gets ripped away and you start anew. Sweet girl it will be so very hard but you got this. Please email me if you ever need to talk. But know you are not alone, and you will overcome this. You will press on. You will rise above it. Women are strangely resilient. As a nurse myself, I have seen women go through hell and back and come out clean on the other side. You will get through this. Prayers and love❤️
Thank you for your encouragement!
The saying of how you never know what someone is going through so be kind always seems fitting here. You have contributed so much to a lot of us here online without a peep of your own extremely difficult struggles. I wish you peace in whatever decisions are made.
@Jen DeB,
My sentiments exactly.
Kristen,
You are so brave to have shared this part of your life with your faithful readers. This can't be easy by any means. My wish for you is God's continued presence in your life leading the way on your new journey. What is meant to be, will be with God's guiding hand. Love, hugs and many prayers to you and your family. I wish only the best for you, my favorite blogger. <3
This must be so difficult for you and your family. Peace to you all.
Oh goodness ... I'm really like not sure what to say except do what you need to do and also if there's something you need or are looking for feel free to reach out. I'm not sure what I can do from here except for what can be delivered via mail or email (outside of prayer) but you can always ask for help!
Thank you, Battra! You have been here for so long, and your caring means a lot.
Oh Kristen, none of us know what the other’s life is really like but I’d hope we could all imagine the hardship because we’ve all been through some sort of struggle. Marriage is one of the hardest things to do in my opinion and whether you stay or go, do it based on what’s best for you. Do it based on what you’d advise your kids to do if they are in your shoes 15 years from now. I’m so glad you’ve taken the huge step because what could stop you now?! And whatever your next huge step is, know in your heart you and your loved ones will survive. I’m so glad you have family nearby and people to lean on. I’m sending you comfort and peace!
Kristen, I have read your blog with pleasure for years but have never commented here before. I am doing so this time to express my support and sympathy. Thank you for keeping it real and honest. You are gifted in so many ways, not least in the way you connect with me and other readers. Your writing skills are phenomenal. This is a hard time, but you will get through it. You are resilient and strong and (clearly) greatly loved. Warm wishes from Minnesota.
I have rarely commented but have read here for a long time. Didn’t put two and two together even though I noticed the lack of date nights.
Praying y’all can get back together again even though we don’t know everything. Keep looking to Jesus, trusting Jesus and listening to Jesus as you walk this path!!!!!!!
Sending love and wishing you strength and guidance.
Kristen. I am so very sorry you are going through this. I am praying for you.
Prayers ascending without ceasing for you, Kristen. Know that you have created a community that cares deeply for you and supports you from afar. Also, you (and I) are made of strong, South Dakota stock. We know what it is to persist.
Kristen,
Hi. Long time reader, infrequent commenter. As a fellow 40 something mom whose 15 year marriage ended in a Lifetime Movie-esque way a few years ago, I'm sorry. This is hard. Wherever this takes you, I pray for peace (for you and your kids) on the other side.
Side note, I'm finishing my pre-reqs for nursing school this semester, and if all goes to plan I'll start the program in the fall. I've enjoyed reading about your return to school, too!
Take care,
Pam
Oh, I am so sorry that you have been through something hard like this too.
And congrats on your return to school!!
@Kristen,
It is the worst. Not gonna lie. I have to tell you, though...I am happy here on the other side of it all. My son is happy, too.
I hope those small, quiet moments of gratitude continue to bring you peace when you're in the thick of things.
We can do hard things.
Pam
That is encouraging to hear! Thank you for sharing with me.
I truly understand you.Do what u must n move on.Whatever u do, be strong for the children.
Wow Kristen, I am so sorry you are going through this. But I can tell you from one nurse to another soon to be nurse, "You're gonna be okay". Hold your head up and focus on you and your children. Your gonna get through school and you are gonna be and have an amazing new life. You definitely got what it takes to get through this. Please take care, and I will travel along with you reading your blog.
I am so very sorry to hear this for you. May God give you wisdom and continue to direct your steps in the days ahead.
I’m so sad that your family is going through this. Sending lots of hugs to you and your girls!
My heart and my prayers are with you. I *do* understand, as my own divorce was finalized two weeks ago after 28 years (the last 5 of which were not anything to celebrate) .My advice is: don't be afraid to take material goods from your marital home with you. They are as much yours as his.
@Denise, I completely agree with you. My biggest regrets about my divorce are that I did not take many material items from the home, and that I settled for far less than I was legally entitled to financially. It has taken me years to dig out from that. In issues of physical safety (if applicable), police can escort you to/from the home while you collect items. I didn't think the "stuff" would be so important to me as I just wanted it to be over, but there is a lot of sentimental stuff I deeply regret leaving.
Sending you so much love. Sending support from a very long time reader. Your posts are just so real and that is what I love about you. I’m so sorry you are going through this rough and rocky time in your life. No matter the outcome, you will be ok, and your friends from afar will be here supporting you along the way!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Short term pain can lead to long term happiness. My husband died in 2019. It was the hardest thing I’ve been through. Like you I was determined to still find happiness. A bad day can still sneak in but good days have become the norm. I wish that for you.
I am so sorry, Kristen, that life has thrown you this wrench. I wish you lots of strength and healing energy as you work out what is best for you.
I don't think there's anything fake or phony about smiling, blogging, frugalling (is that a word, lol?) whatever it is you do, in the face of adversity. After all, I am 10 months into my cancer journey and there are still lots of smiles and laughter, tears too, yes, but life can still have joy.
(((hugs))) to you, my friend. I'm looking forward to reading about your journey ahead.
I am so sorry that life is so much more challenging for you now!
They’ll be no judgment coming your way from me. But, I will be praying to our God on your behalf.
I will continue to enjoy your blog as I have for many years now.
Big, long virtual hug to you and your loved ones!
Thank you so much for sharing this trial with all your readers!
I respect you and your privacy. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers . ❤❤❤❤❤
I'm so sorry to hear this. Praying for you and your family.
Prayers for strength to you, Kristen
New reader here, sending you love and peace for your days ahead.
Kristen, prayers and love for you and your children. May you find the guidance needed to help on you next steps.
Just so you know, it is ok to receive. You have given so, so much here for so long. I know you won't want to, but there are many people who would love to purchase things for you from an Amazon wish list or contribute to you in some way. We know you wouldn't be expecting it and wouldn't think more or less of any of us if we did or did not participate in it.
@Chelsea, I second this. Could we set something up?
Oh my goodness, you guys. That is so kind and thoughtful of you. I am ok for right now because I am at my parents' house, still looking for somewhere to rent. But if I get into a tough spot, I will try to take a deep breath and reach out for help.
and I've got a purse with Sonia's name on it.
@Caroline Starr Rose, I am part of this plan too.
@Chelsea, Yes, please! Could we start a GoFundMe or something to help with the expense of setting up a new home? Think of all the pennies we've saved because of Kristen, and how much joy and encouragement she's been. If we all gave back to her a tiny fraction of what she's helped us NOT spend...we could be a real help. Whatever gets started, I'm in!
@Chelsea, great idea!
@Lauren,
This is a great idea and I am totally in!
@Chelsea, I would love to see an Amazon wish list happen
Yes! I think a lot of us would participate.
@Chelsea, great idea. another long time lurker here and I’d love to contribute too!
@Caroline Starr Rose, Hi, I'm WilliamB and I support this plan.
@Chelsea, Yes!! I would absolutely love to participate in this!
@Chelsea, great idea! I’m in.
Supporting this also
J NL
@Caroline Starr Rose,
I, too, support this idea.
@Erika JS, I support this idea as well! I would love to chip in after all I have learned from this blog.
@Chelsea, same
You are a wonderful, smart, kind person and deserve the best possible life. Sending you compassion and encouragement that whatever path you ultimately choose will be the right one. You have helped so many of us, please don't hesitate to reach out for help *from* us, too.
With love from a lurker.
Adding my love and support to lift you up during this time- may you feel surrounded by a strong embrace of friends and family in your life (including all of us virtual/reader friends)!!
Kristen,
I’ve been faithfully reading every one of your posts for the last 10 years, but have only commented once (just recently). I’ve always admired your positive, resilient spirit. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. You have a wonderful community here to support you!
Oh my, I'm so sorry for you. Sending prayers.
Praying hard.
Dear sweet Kristen, I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. I’m relieved you are surrounded with loving family and friends and your beautiful children. I know I speak for others when I say you will be in our prayers as you navigate this part of your life. God’s got you and we do too. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
I'm sorry to see you (and yours) are going through this. Best of luck with whatever you decide and have to do.
I am sorry things are so hard. I have followed your blog for many many years and enjoyed it. I too never noticed the absence of your spouse, just your son. And I thought the improved grocery budget meant your kids cooked more now. My mother went to nursing school in her 50s and enjoyed it so much, I wish you the same great experience. And I love your frugal ideas. Best of luck and I will remain your faithful reader.
This makes me love you even more. You help me sooooo much by sharing. Thank you. You are loved.
I'm so sorry and could not imagine your pain. Will keep you and family in prayer. I love you share that trials and blessing can coexist. Sometimes we feel both and that's okay. Take care.
Hugs Kristen! I am glad you can see blessings in this most difficult of times. And the picture of you and your girls prove it.
I have seen people go thru this, and it is gut wrenching. It is a difficult path to walk. I just hope that it will go smoothly for you and things will start to look up.
I will always be here.
Thank you for sharing and for your honesty! Sending virtual hugs and support.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Sometimes things happen in our lives that we really don't deserve and don't understand. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Your blog inspires me every day. It will continue to inspire me even if what you post isn't all roses. It's okay not to be okay sometimes. Think of yourself as one of the beautiful old dishes you pulled from the abandoned house. Under the dirt and grime that has come your way, you are still under there, unique, beautiful and shining. Praying for you!
Aww, I like that picture. Thank you.
@Linda H., Wonderful comparison to the beautiful dishes!❤️
Kristen - I've walked the road you are on and my heart is aching for you! I have discovered that God's plan will show itself in His time and no matter what that plan is you are blessed to have the strength, sense of humor (I love your sense of humor! Please never lose that!), and support of so many to help you navigate this journey. No matter how bumpy this road is or what direction it leads you, I know you will find your happy at the end of it. Please know I am praying for peace, patience, continued strength, and abundant happiness for you and your family. Hugs to you all.
Oof, I am so sorry that you have been in these shoes as well.
I will try my best to keep my sense of humor. I might do a lot of crying these days, but I do still do plenty of laughing as well.
@Kristen, Crying is cleansing! We all need to do it occasionally. 🙂
Praying for wisdom, encouragement, peace of mind, provision and clarity for the path you are currently walking. You are a light even in the midst of troubling times. God bless you!
Long-time reader, first time commenting. I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and for your marriage.
Thank you so much, Sarah; I am so grateful for your prayers.
Whew, Kristen. Very long-time reader here. My heart aches for you. I was thinking about Joshua recently and mentioned to an IRL friend that you are one of those people who is so kind, so genuine, and so wonderful, that you just don't want anything bad to ever happen to them. I am so sorry you're suffering through even more heartache. I am grateful you've had the courage to trust yourself and the courage to remove yourself and your girls when it was necessary. I have no doubt that you and your girls will be ok. I pray that your burden becomes lighter. So much love and support coming your way!
Thank you so much for all of these kind words!
I’m so sorry and I know you’re hurting…life can be hard. Especially when these bumps come along we can be shaken.
I will be praying for you and your family. This verse comes to mind from Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will keep your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
God is with you, and God is for you.
Cheryl
Sending you nothing but strength and positive thoughts.
Kristen, it's always painful to hear about friends or family members dealing with life-changing difficulties, but it really hurts when it's a warm, caring, gentle soul like you who is struggling. You and your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers. Throughout the years I've followed your blog, you have always exhibited a positive attitude, perseverance, determination, intelligence, compassion and kindness. Those wonderful traits of yours, along with the love and support of your family and friends, will get you through this exceptionally heartbreaking situation. Keep the faith, take one day at a time and remember to treat yourself with the kindness and care you have always extended to others. Love the photo of you and your girls - they're all grown up and just beautiful!
Thank you so much for these encouraging words, Mary!
Yet another comment from a regular reader, rare commenter. Several years ago I was blindsided by a betrayal/divorce. One of the (many) hard things about it was that my family members, including my parents, were nearly all in long and seemingly happy marriages. I felt like such an incredible failure when mine did not last. And in case you feel similarly, I have zero advice or suggestions, only a deep sense of empathy.
Oof, that is so hard; it's not that you begrudge anyone else a happy marriage, but it can be hard to feel alone!
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I just recently found your blog, and will continue to stick around with you during this season. I think your blogging about this experience will help others in similar situations. Sending you love, light, and prayers.
Kristen, I am so sorry you and the girls are going through this valley. Please know I am standing with you in prayer asking the Lord to give you comfort and strength for one day at a time and clarity and peace as you move forward. I commend you in the way you presented your situation with such humility. I love you dearly. I’m glad you have a place with your parents for now.
Reader since the beginning, although I have only commented a couple of times. I have been in your position and also took long walks. There is light on the other side and things will get better ( even though it may not seem like it now). Praying for strength for you as you navigate this time. ❤
When I woke up, I was like, it’s not a thankful Thursday, but I bet it’s today. Sending love. So many things are hard for so many people and I’m sorry this particular one is yours.
Thank you, dear friend.
One of my favorite Bible verses is, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
May you sense God's nearness and deep love for you. ❤️
Kristen, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this trial. I’ve been reading your blog for years now (I think I found it through some homeschooling posts, and now I am a mom of 4 as well). My heart is breaking for you. Thank you for being honest and real, and thank you for being respectful of your husband and his family. I will pray that God would surround you with His presence and comfort and carry you in His arms. May He provide the clarity amid guidance you need, as well as supply all your needs. Much love to you and your girls.
Thank you for sharing and your honesty. I hope you find a new happiness- whatever that looks like.
And there is no way you could let anyone down, you owe us nothing.
Sending you support and love. ❤️ And grace.
Praying for you
Sending you compassion, strength, and space to grieve and heal. If anyone were to pass judgment on your situation, that’s on them, not you. May you have easier days ahead.
Kristen, I am so sorry. My marriage is struggling right now too at 28 years. Just know that this reader will keep reading no matter what.
Ohh, I am so very sorry to hear this. It is so hard to be in this spot after so long in a marriage.
My mom has often sent me this verse over these last couple of years; a good one to hold on to! Thank you for reminding me.
Sending you my love x
Kristen, Just like those beautiful woods you love to walk in......you will find your way out of this. Prayers to you and yours.
Praying for you. Strength, wisdom, discernment as you walk daily. Provision for all your needs and for the girls, physically, emotionality and spiritually. Sending you hugs.
The fact that you can be honest that you are having problems and leave your home with your daughters makes you a very strong woman, in my opinion. There have been times over my 40-year marriage that I thought about leaving, but was never strong enough to do it. Sometimes I wonder if I would be a happier person today if I had.
It will be a tough road, but you have already made a very tough decision. Stay strong.
@Mary Ann, I was thinking this same thing, how many of us just “settle” and let go of the life we want. I admire the courage it took for this post, and the self reflection and valuing of self it took to make the move! As always Kristen you express yourself so well in clear and firm tones. I respect how you carry yourself, I wish you less heartache as you move on, you have a solid base and core values and deep faith, all things that will help you reconcile what you’re going through. Thank you for you! Love and support and prayers sent your way!
I am so sorry. I have followed you for more than ten years. I didn’t notice anything other than you have had some low spending weeks. I will be praying for you.
Do not ever feel like you are letting anybody down, you have to do what is best for you and your family. We are all here to support you and help you through this. It is never easy to make this kind of decision and it will be tough. But you are a strong lady and will get through this. Much love and prayers to you.
Life is messy and I honor your honesty. I have no doubt that no matter what happens in the future, you will be stronger than you think you can be. {Virtual hugs} from someone else who had to go through the unthinkable and came out the other side stronger and more committed to a better life for myself.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, I am praying for you and your family. Jesus is standing with you in the fire, hold on to Him tightly! He is faithful and He keeps His promises.
Hugs and prayers as you navigate this difficult time.
Sending you love and kindness. It’s brave to share the hard parts of your life with us. All of us go through really hard times, and social media can make it seems that everyone else’s life is perfect all the time. I really appreciate that you shared with us and that we can hold you in this difficult time. Sending you peace
I would have had no idea that things were so tough. Please know that I am pulling for you and for brighter, happier, more peace filled days ahead (whatever that looks like). Please know you are not in any way letting us down.
oh dear. you will NEVER let us down by showing us your true side. We all understand that some details are best left as private. But we also know that if you need to vent, we are all hear from you. Praying for you!
Be safe and at peace, no judgement here. You can do hard things.
I'm holding you and your family in my heart. I don't know anyone who take separation and divorce lightly, and I know your faith makes it even harder of a step, but I'm glad the counsel you're getting from your loved ones and your faith community affirms your decision. So much love to you.
I have never commented on your blog before but faithful daily reader. I am deeply sorry for this current situation for your sweet family but God is faithful.
In Feb I also made the difficult decision to separate myself from my marriage of almost 25 years to evaluate. Like you, I have cried many tears over many years - and since leaving have days of peace and days of sorrow; but always days filled with blessings, confirmation and hope. It’s a private journey and you’ve shared enough for your readers to understand the changes they may see in your blog. Wishing you the best!
Oh, I am so sorry to hear of your pain too. Much love to you!
I am a faithful reader in recent years and rarely comment despite enjoying the comments immensely. I so admire your spirit and authenticity - you make this world a better place it is clear. I am sorry to hear that you have and are suffering more than we were aware. I admire you so much for your honesty and positivity which I know must require so much effort at times. This morning I was reading in my “Courage to Change” book which always seems to help me center, hope and think with more sanely. I hope you will continue to find the resources, support and encouragement needed to navigate this journey. Clearly your faithful readers are all rooting for you and recognize in time you will find happiness and a life that gives you peace, joy and contentment. This too will pass is a legit thing…..but it often takes longer than we plan or wish it to. I know it doesn’t feel like it at times, but you are such an inspiration to so many in both good times and sad. Will pray and think of you and your family often as we all navigate this bumpy road called life. I know that in time all will be well for you and yours.
Hi Kristen,
I've read your blog for years and years now, and this is one of the first times that I'm commenting. Your blog feels like a calm, safe place on the internet and I love your optimism and creative ingenuity. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for courageously sharing what you are going through.
I left my husband a month before I had our second kid, and moved in with my parents as well. That was a few years ago, and through it all I saw God's goodness. It was hard, and brutal, and also freeing. I wanted to let you know that it gets better. I'm not sure what better will look like for you and your kids, but I know God is a healer and a mender of the broken. I'm so glad you have a place to go and people to love you. Whether or not your marriage is salvageable, I found DivorceCare really helpful for meeting other women in similar situations. If the situation involved abuse, there's often free counseling available through county domestic violence programs.
I'm rooting for you!
Thank you so much for your encouragement about what it's like to come through on the other side. I am so sorry that you have been through this type of thing too, though.
Dear Kirsten, I am so sorry to hear about this. Thank you for your gracious honesty as always. Your blog is such a wonderful place, and it must have been so hard for you these past months. Take care
I’ll be praying for you, Kristen. I’m so sorry you’re going through this hard thing.
Oh Kristen! You are NOT letting anyone down by sharing your reality. This is life and it is hard. Giant hugs and support. Love your truth and honesty and you need to do what is best for your family.
Praying that the answers to your questions and doubts become clear.
I am sorry that you are going through this. I am a true believer that slowing down and listening to the whispers brings clarity. While not often easy, I have found that resting my mind and just breathing, really breathing, has helped in soothing some of the disappointment and anger I have been dealt. I hope that you have found that in your trail walks. You don't have to have all the answers yesterday because it took 25 years to be where you are today. Take the time you need to find you. A lot of love, devotion and time has been spent growing your family, and your children and those supporting you will help you find the new normal.
Oh Kristen, my heart hurts for you. I rarely comment, but I've been a faithful reader for years now, and I will be praying for you and your family.
I know you are secure in and strengthened by your faith; our God can do "far more than we can ask or imagine," and He is "near to the brokenhearted." I pray you will feel His grace and love in your life every day as you walk through this. Keep looking at Jesus.
...and please tell me you and the girls have the cat.
Unfortunately, we do not have our cat right now. I have some family that is very allergic to cats, so my parents don't want us to have our cat here. But I am looking for a place to rent that is cat-friendly; it would make this whole situation 1000% easier for Zoe if she could live with her cat.
It is just so, so so hard to find a place to rent right now! And since I am self-employed and need to qualify for the rent on my own, the process of getting approved to rent a place is tough. But I trust that God has a plan for us, and I will eventually find the right rental where we are supposed to land.
I have a dumpy cottage in the middle of nowhere! Heh. Have 50 cats there--I dare you. (I know, I know...)
Kristen,
I am so incredibly sorry that you are going through this. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart breaks for you.
I’m so very sorry to hear this. Will be praying for you! May the Lord comfort and strengthen you and give you His peace.
Kristen, prayers and hugs to you and the girls. May God surround you with His love and peace each and every day. Please know you are not letting anyone down, you have not been fake. Life is hard and sometimes it sucks. As a pastoral family our life was out in the open four years ago due to our son having an affair. It was gut wrenching, filled with sobs and tears and unfortunately other peoples comments. Four years later God has brought us to a much better place. Just because you are a public person doesn’t mean life is a bowl of cherries and perfect. Of course I’m staying for the you and the blog! You don’t owe your readers the details. Part of your charm is your openness and down to earth-ness, but this is your personal life and you get to share what you want to share. I am sorry you had to write this post. I am truly sorry that you are going through this heartbreaking change in your marriage and family. As I read each day’s email and then again on Facebook I will lift you all up in prayer.
Thank you so much for your prayers!
I know this decision to share & decision of life paths wasn’t easy to make by any means. You are so brave to share them with us. You photos were beautiful. I will be praying for your road ahead
Dear Kristen. Please know that so many of us are praying for you and will continue to do so in the coming days. Our journey has not been yours but the hardness of our journey has taught us that God carries us through the waters (Isaiah 43) even when his footsteps are not seen (Ps 77). We are so thankful for you and the way you bless us Kristen and hopefully we can be a blessing to you in this awful time.
Thank you, thank you, Helen!
Reading this today was almost like reading a scripture from the Bible when I KNOW God is speaking to me… I am so encouraged right now. My husband moved out on Monday and I don’t know if our marriage will make it. I am now at home with our 4 kids trying to figure out how to do this and looking for encouragement.
Kristen; I have followed you for years, since my oldest (15) was a baby. I struggle with the things you are good at; housekeeping, educating my kids, financial fitness and meal planning are very hard for me. I have other strengths and usually I do not succumb to “I’m a failure” type mindsets, but occasionally I do, like most moms. Today, I feel so encouraged to know that there is someone like you who is willing to be vulnerable and honest enough to help shine a light in the dark, scary place I am finding myself in.
You said you feel like you may be disappointing some of your followers… I PROMISE YOU; the biggest disappointment would be for you to not have given me hope today like you did by keeping this to yourself. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I feel seen and not so alone.
Ohh, friend. I am so, so very sorry!
When I told my mom and dad that I was going to write a post about this, my dad said, "I think other people out there will be encouraged to hear that they are not alone." And he was right.
Big hugs to you. Feel free to email me if you ever need a listening ear from a fellow traveler.
@Kristen, Thank you. Yes Dad was right!! It's very hard to reconcile this kind of disappointment with our christian faith. I will keep you in mind. Thank you again.
@Kristen, I think your dad was right. All the comments today remind me of how healing it can be to share such difficult things with others. When I miscarried, I was on the receiving end of so much love, and I was surprised how many "me, toos" came out of the woodwork. And while it didn't make me feel good to know that others (secretly) carried the same pain, it did help to see them "on the other side" and living well despite the ick.
@Amber, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope you find the support and the help that you deserve. Try to do what's best for you and your children, and not what others expect or you think - again your grain - is the so-called "right" thing to do.
My heart breaks for you. Having been through a similar situation myself, I can possibly relate to some of the feelings you have. I am fine now, thankfully, but it was a process. You are a special person and I am confident that with the support of those around you, you will make the decision that is right for you. I will pray for you each day and look forward to hearing from you in future blogs. You have always been an inspiration to me and I know you will continue to be. Take care and God bless you.
You are Loved by many of us here in Blogland... continue to rise every day with a hopeful soul, a spring in your step, healing mind, and Love in your heart. God is with you and so are we.
Hug's!!
Kristen, I have followed your journey since nearly the beginning, and I'm so sorry to read your post. Though I don't know you in real life, I feel like I've gotten to know your kindness. I know none of this was taken lightly. I really appreciate you sharing something that is incredibly difficult. I pray for your clarity, hope for your happiness and continue to faithfully read your words. Please take care of yourself, and give your mind, body and soul time to heal.
Many prayers and I’m so sorry I can relate from my past marriage,Do the best you can girl it’s all any of us can do.Keep your faith in God our Creator he will show you the way.You’re a beautiful young lady with a beautiful soul,Thank you for all your newsletters and time it is appreciated ♥️
Kristen- I have followed your blog for many, many, many years probably 2013 or earlier. I rarely comment but read the emails almost daily. I just want you to know that I am praying for you, your family, and Mr. FG. May God's peace, comfort, wisdom and peace wrap around you. Thank you for always being honest and authentic yet simultaneously respectful and thoughtful of your own and the privacy of those in your life. Prayers and blessings. Christy
I've been a faithful reader, and infrequent commenter, since 2008/09 when I looked for resources on how to make do with 1 salary, 2 kids and wanting to buy a house. You and Katie have been there for me in so many ways in that journey.
My heart breaks for you and all you're going through. What comes across strongly from your post is your love to your kids and wanting to do best by them, which shows your love, strength and courage (I say that as a child of divorced parents!). Love is the home, and your love is the home for your kids.
I send you light and more love.
Yes, that is so true; I care very deeply about my children! It broke my heart to make such a big step that ripped up their home.
But funny enough, both Lisey and Zoe said to me on separate occasions, "Mom, wherever you are is where home will be for me." and that is such a heart-warming thing to hear.
@Kristen, That is just so wonderful! I warms my heart. Mama, you have been doing a great job! and that love you have together will get you all through this, with bruises and bumps for sure, but you will get through this. (add heart emoji)
Kristen - I am so sorry. A few years back my marriage hit the skids and while we were able to repair it - I understand the heartbreak of it all. I know you'll continue to lean into your faith (that is literally what saved me) and know that sometimes He will show you ways to forgive that you didn't know were possible. You know what you are going through and you know if you'll be able to forgive (whatever happened). But forgiving doesn't mean it can be repaired. It just gives you a peace to be able to forgive.
Be well and go easy on yourself. <3
@kris, thank you so much for sharing that bit about forgiveness. So true. It doesn't mean whatever it was is ok, just that you can be free of it. I'm working my way through this from a different type of situation, but I know it is HARD.
My tears fall down my cheeks as I am reading this post. Having been divorced after 10 years of marriage, I know a little of what you are going through. I am so thankful that the Lord brought a wonderful man into my life several years later and we had 29 years--not wonderful, stressful and yet loving--before he died suddenly. I have been a widow for 16 years but have children who love me and keep in touch regularly. 16 grandchildren and 7 greats--I have much to be thankful for. God is my refuge and I could not have coped without Him.
Kristen, I have so much respect for your willingness to address this difficult topic with your readers even though you did not have to share such personal news. I am sorry that you and your family are going through this but am so glad that you have a wonderful support system to help you. You are such a kind soul who can find light in the darkness. I know that you are doing what is best for you and your girls. I pray you find peace and strength.
Hugs and prayers from PA. Life is messy and you are right. There are always blessing even amidst the storm. I know this must have been such a difficult decision. You have poured so much if yourself into your marriage, your children, and and your home. God’s love and protection to you during this part of your journey.
Dear Kristen,
What a heavy, hard experience to be going through. The grief is real and to be honored. I am so in awe of the courage and vulnerability it took to both make these decisions to leave (both in 2018 and now) in the face of what was probably the overwhelming urge to just keep going as is. I had been thinking about Joshua recently, and I am hoping and wishing that this break from your husband may open a door for healing with your son. I am so delighted that you have been pursuing a nursing degree as this can eventually provide you with independent financial stability in addition to your blogging income.
You are so strong, even though it’s exhausting to always have to be strong. I hope you get: peace, rest, material, emotional, and spiritual support, connection so you remember you are not alone and you are most certainly not a failure for being brave in this way.
We are here for you because of who you are - not because of a specific relationship status, house, or type of date night post. We will keep being here.
I will be praying for you and your family as you continue to navigate your way.
My thoughts are with you as you navigate through this difficult time. Thankfully it sounds as though you have a supportive family and wise counsel to help you. Wishing you many blessings among the pain.
I am so sorry. Kristen, I think you are a bright, shining light on the Internet and knowing your experiences makes it even more true. Thank you for being real and for the beautiful reminder there is still good to find in the midst of such pain and uncertainty. I take great comfort from the words in Isaiah "surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows." You are known, understood, held, and loved by One who has experienced suffering and carries your specific heartache. Much love to you and your family.
I am so very, very sorry for the pain you are going through. The woods are healing—I am glad you have access to a place to walk. Praying for you, for guidance and clarity and peace. Remember Hebrews 13:5–God will NEVER leave you or forsake you!
Hugs! Thank you for sharing, and letting us help carry your burden just a little bit. May it help make your load just a bit lighter.
Kristen,
I have read every word you have ever written on this blog. I can tell how much you love every member of your family. I am so very sorry that you are going through this heartbreaking and gut-wrenching time.
Wishing you peace and love.
Kristen, I'm so sorry you're going through a hard season. I'll be praying for you.
Oh, Kristen, that's very hard, I know. But you are right - no matter how hard life can be, it's not an unrelenting darkness with no sunshine at all. There are always happy times mixed in, and that's what you're modeling. I have you in my prayers.
Oh Kristen, I'm so so sorry to hear this! My heart breaks for you! I'm a LONG time follower (I remember reading your blog in my house that I sold in September 2009) and while I'm surprised, I know that sometimes things like this happen. I'm thrilled for you that you're able to find moments of peace and joy and that you have a supportive community around you. As your posts always are, this is an elegantly written, classy, wonderful post. You're so kind and generous to share with your readers what's on your heart even when that's not easy (to say the least). You'll be in my prayers!
I'm so sorry, Kristen.
Breaking with a spouse is never easy, but oftentimes it's a gateway to better horizons. Turn the corner whenever you're ready.
Kristen I am so sorry that this is happening to you, but you are an amazing woman! I have been following your blog for years, and I appreciate your honesty and openness on your situation. I know that God has a plan for you! Stay strong and cling to the cross! I’ll be praying for you!
This is none of our business. I’m sorry this has happened and send you my love and support. x
Hoping and praying all goes well. Be safe and know that God is holding your hand. May he surround you with peace and true joy for those hard days.
Oh sweetheart--you know I've been through it too. Please email me if you need to. I'm here for you. My heart is breaking for you.
Hell, I'd even hug you. (You know things are getting serious then.)
Love to you and the girls.
Ohhh, I saw your other comment first as I was scrolling down! So, please do go find that one too.:)
And yes, I take it as an extremely high compliment that you would be willing to give me a hug. If I ever make it to Long Island one day, I will take you up on it.
I’ve followed your writing since both of our kids were little, so I have a sense of how resilient you are. I hate you’re going through this, but I’m 100% sure you’re going to come out the other side so much better and stronger. In the meantime, I hope you gather strength from all of our support.
This sounds like a tough road to travel. I’m sending lots of light & love your way.
Kristen,
I am so sorry. It is so true that joy and sorrow can coexist. It seems like seasons of this life sometimes involve raising one hand to the Lord in praise while holding a tissue in the other. I will be praying for your marriage and for the Lord to equip you to keep taking one step at a time, loving your family and doing the next thing.
Kristen, I am so, so sorry you are going through this. I was crying for you and your girls as I read your post. I am very happy you have such a supportive family and broader community. My thoughts are with you as you travel this road.
Like so many on here, sending warm hugs and kind thoughts.
Sending virtual hugs and prayers, long time reader here. I hope tomorrow and days ahead bring brighter days.
Life can be so hard sometimes, but the support from your blog readers is amazing and a testimony to the person that you are and the community that you have built. I admire your courage and honesty in sharing your story. Sending you peace and healing energy.
As a long-time reader who very seldom (if ever) comments, I just wanted to say I am sending love and positivity your way from the Midwest.
You always address really tough life situations with grace, humility, and honesty. What I respect most about this post is the transparency that there are moments of laughter and moments of sorrow. I lost my child just before birth in 2018, and I’ve learned since then that we tend to think of our feelings and ability to absorb them in terms of “or.” I’m either happy or sad or angry, etc. But feelings are not pie - you don’t have to choose. By embracing the word “and” instead of “or,” you give yourself freedom to feel all of the (often conflicting) emotions that we experience when going through heartache. One feeling does not discount the intensity of another.
You are resilient, you are worthy of love, and I hope this new chapter (whatever course it takes) brings you the peace that you deserve.
Oh my goodness, that is such a hard loss. I am so sorry to hear of your pain!
And yes...the "and" instead of the "or" or the "but" is so important. This is hard AND there are also mercies.
@Kristen, Thank you! I know you have supported family personally through that type of loss, and this is another reason why I know your heart is huge and deserving of so many good things.
As Chelsea mentioned - many of us would love to offer tangible support, if needed. Please let us know how we can return the kindness and joy you bring to our lives (and I’m sure to the lives of all that know you).
@Dana S., Tangible support, well said, I struggled with how to phrase it in my comment, so left it out! I’m also on board with this!
Sending hugs and good energy your way ❤️
Holding you and you family in the light
@Robert Sterbal, you family = your family
I hope that wherever this roads leads you, it ends in happiness for you and your loved ones.
I’ve been reading for over 10 years and I just want to send you some hugs and love. Take care of yourself and no matter how it turns out the future will no doubt be bright.
Long time reader, rarely comment. Praying for you. Lots of hugs.
Strength and love to you while you decide on the right course in your life.
Kristen, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know from experience that it is super difficult.
I am in a similar situation. After many years of marital discord, my husband and I agreed that he should take a position teaching abroad this year. It was a hard decision, but we needed the space to figure things out.
I understand all of your feelings. I've been there. I think the uncertainty is the worst. Lean on your people when you need to. Say yes to invitations to socialize if you can. I promise it will get better, one way or the other.
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Stay strong! I left my spouse 10 years ago, after 18 years of marriage. It was difficult but in the end, the right decision for me. Remember, just because you are in the public eye doesn't mean you have to share every detail of your private life. Most people (including my children) do not know all the reasons behind my departure from my marriage. It isn't their business.
Sending up prayers for you and your family. From personal experience I know that leaving is always hard. Hang in there.
I just want to say how much I appreciate your words about finding blessings amidst the trials of life. I’ve been a faithful reader for years and so often appreciate your moments of gratitude as that is something I struggle with daily. Prayers for you!
I am a relatively new reader, but join all the others in saying what a joy your blog is to read. My husband of 28 yrs died almost 4 yrs ago, leaving me a widow at 52. I can empathize with staring down a future that looks radically different than what you planned. Sending thoughts of peace, comfort, & clarity.
Sending you love.
Thank you for trusting us with this. I’ve read your blog for probably 8 years or so. Your authenticity brings me back each week!
Hugs to you for having such a hard time in your marriage. You’re brave and strong.
Wow! You are a lot stronger women then you give yourself credit. I did notice little things but I am not a person to really nit pick on people. Did you take the cat? 🙂 we have the same kinda cat. I also know that God is in control! Keep the post coming and we will enjoy your next adventure!
I dearly want the cat for Zoe in particular, but that will have to wait until I can find a cat-friendly place to rent. Zoe's heart is going to explode with happiness if she gets to have her cat back.
@Kristen,
If you haven't already, perhaps consider asking your family if the cat can move over and just live in the room where Zoe is sleeping. I've done that once before, and it worked fine. The cat will be fine with less space. When you leave, you can vacuum and clean the heck out of the room to address allergy concerns. You can even get a professional rug cleaning for just that room when you move out if it makes the family feel more comfortable.
You most certainly are not letting us down! My heart aches for you. As so many have said, know that you are being held up in. prayer.
As a long-time reader who rarely comments, yet who has celebrated as I have watched your children grow, and you blossom as you go back to school, I grieve with you and wish you many hugs and blessings through this challenging time. ❤️ Thank you for being here for all of us and know that your readers are her for you too!
I very much admire you for sharing this. It is not easy to be public about marriage and personal issues. I will be praying for you and your family. I have to agree with you about the happy and sad existing at the same time. It is a difficult place to live in but the older I get the more I am trying to appreciate it.
I am praying and holding you in my heart. May God give you and your family strength and comfort. I am thankful that you have such amazing family support and will not stop praying for you all.
All the hugs to you, dear Kristen. This song has comforted me through many heartbreaks. I never saw the video until very recently. Strangely, when I watched it, it reminded me of you. I thought it was only because of the wonderful old family photos. I'm sorry it's apparently more than that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0A7jAVDPJU
I assure you, there *is* more room in a broken heart, and that love is always coming around again. That Carly Simon is a very smart woman. God will keep your heart safe for new love, whatever form it takes.
I am so touched that this song made you think of me. Thank you!
I am so sorry you are enduring this. Please know I am praying for you and your family. You are right, you are not alone. May God's love, peace and comfort surround you. You are loved!
I am so sorry you and your family are going through this pain. I am glad you have the support of family, friends, and professionals. Big hugs and many prayers for you. You will get through this and we will be cheering you on as you build a new kind of life.
Rest assured, you didn't get anything "wrong," Kristen. I think you did an amazing job of sharing something deeply personal with your audience community, while also being very respectful to everyone involved. Thank you for sharing something so heart wrenching with such grace. It must have been very difficult. You are in my prayers and I hope the situation resolves itself - in whatever way it is meant to - in time.
Oh I am so sorry for all that you are - and have been - going through. I have no words of wisdom, but lots of love and prayers for your family. Thank you for sharing with us so that we can know and support accordingly.
Kristen--I read your blog every single day and have since nearly its beginning. I had tears streaming when I read your post today, but not because I think you will be stuck in misery. I know you will work it out with your attitude and faith and great family support. The tears come from admiration, love and wanting so much for you to have what you truly deserve. You have NEVER let your readers down; you have so often elevated our moods and perspectives. Please stay strong. Life is a mixed bag for sure,it is unfair and it is unpredictable. Hug those girls and please know we are with you. No one is on her own in this crazy life.
Kristen. Long, long time reader here, first time with a comment. In the most loving way possible, I have this advice to offer you: lawyer up! You will need a strong legal advocate as you navigate the inevitable conflicts over the division of assets and financial arrangements to insure your, and your children’s, monetary support. Most lawyers provide an initial interview without cost. Arrange those interviews sooner rather than later. Hugs to you and your children. And do claim that Vitamix!
I am chuckling about the Vitamix! I think he probably would not want it anyway, so I can probably have it without an argument. Heh.
And thank you for the good advice about a lawyer.
@Leslie G, YES.
If there's anything I have learned in life, it's get the best lawyer you can possibly afford. Or not afford. I'm still paying one of them off.
My ex cheaped out and got a terrible lawyer--I got a great one. Guess who "won"? (And I got the best criminal lawyer for my son when he needed it. With a less-good lawyer, he'd've been looking at jail time.)
Also, don't try to be fair. Women always want to be fair. Men don't, and that's why women get screwed. I have a lot of feels about this.
@Kristen, and! Document! Document! Document! Protect yourself and your girls.
@Kristen I don’t know that I have ever commented in the 15? Years I have read you faithfully. I believe I found you when I had lots of evening time after my first marriage fell apart. I didn’t have children but it was still hard. Thank you for sharing with us even through you don’t have too.
As I have read through the comments, I noticed you mentioned you need to qualify for rent with just your income, I hope you have consulted a lawyer in all of this. I’m not in your state and don’t know your laws but I’m pretty sure you qualify for alimony and child support while separated. If you are looking at a year to figure this out, a legal separation and financial support will give you more breathing room, plus legal access to your vitamin and possibly your piano.
Not ironically, because God but you were on my mind this morning and as many have mentioned also, Joshua. You mean a lot to many people whom you will never meet. Your ripples are many and we want what is best for you and your girls. Hugs.
I know I, along with all your readers, feel deeply for you at this time. I'm amazed you've carried on this long with your helpful posts in this situation, but that just makes me realize all the more that you practice what you preach. I appreciate the honesty, and pray that you feel all the support coming your way.
Sending you the warmest thoughts. Long time blog reader, while this is a shock I know what a steady and thoughtful person you are. Wishing you the very best.
I'm so sorry to hear that you have been going through this trying time. We are just reading about this but you have been living it for some time and, for that, my heart breaks for you. I hope it has helped a bit to open yourself to your readers. They say sharing a burden lightens a load.
I'm happy for you that your faith, friends and family will comfort and uplift you and guide you through this. I hope it is also some comfort that you have many, many readers, including me, sending love, prayers, and virtual hugs your way. And, to your kiddies too of course! I've been a faithful reader for easily 12+ years and still remember those little ones sneaking stuffy animals into your grocery haul pictures! There! I left you with a smile!:)
Love from Canada!!!
Kristen, I’m so glad that you decided to share what you’ve been going through so your family, friends, and readers can support you. You are such a positive person, who looks for the good in everything and everyone. Hope that you continue to heal and gain the clarity needed to feel at peace with your final decision.
Thank you so much, dear friend!
Kristin, thank you for your openness and honesty. Your blog is one of the few I read on a daily basis, and it is so inspirational. I wish you peace and happiness.
Sorry for my typo **Kristen!!
I’m so sorry Kristen…I have followed you long enough to “know” you well enough that you don’t make decisions like this lightly. I will be praying for you and your girls and Mr FG too. You have told us wheat you feel we need to know, and that is enough. Wishing all the best for you and I will keep reading
When my husband left me when I was five months pregnant with our first child (planned pregnancy, 7 years of marriage), it was a weekly dinner with a close friend and saying grace with meals and spending time in prayer that brought me to my current life. I was able to forgive my ex-husband and myself because God loves me and forgives me. I'm so relieved for you that you have a strong faith foundation even as you face life's current challenges. I'm so sorry you're going through these challenges right now. I will pray for you and your husband and kids.
Oh my word, Barb. What a heart-breaking situation.
I was thinking today about how what is carrying me through is time with friends and family; the support is invaluable. So I am not surprised to hear that your dinners with your friend really helped you!
I pray that conscious uncoupling brings wholeness to both of you. May God give you strength in the process.
Much love ❤️.
Kristen don't ever feel like you've "let us down!" You've done the bravest thing anyone can do! You've looked around and said, "something has to change," and you've taken action to make that happen. We all love you and we're all praying for you / sending you positive love and light.
Aww, I appreciate so much the empathy and love, Gail. Thank you!
Kristen - I cannot pretend to imagine the heartbreak you are going through. Cheers to you for having the courage to share. I know I don't know you in real life but I am in your corner cheering you on & praying for you and your family. Even in this remember that God always has a plan and He is surprised by nothing. You are His cherished daughter and He will bring you through this.
Sending you lots of hugs!!!
Bless you Kristen; praying God would be especially close to you and the family and be assured of a brighter skies ahead♥️
Long time reader, I almost never comment. But I had to today. This post breaks my heart for you and made me teary. Please know you are in my prayers. Big hugs to you.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through, Kristen. I went through a divorce myself, and surprised myself by how I could walk away from a lot of my possessions, and even my beloved pet. I 100% believe how you can still count your blessings. The blessings don't stop, but neither do trials! I always think of a song's lyrics from camp (and I don't remember the name) but it was something like "Can't go over it, can't go under it, gotta go through it." You'll go through it and surprise yourself.
@Sarah C.,
Are you talking about "Going on a Bear Hunt?"
@st, Oh my gosh, that's it!! I looked up the words.
As everyone else has said— I’m so sorry you’re going through this. At seven years of marriage, my husband was unfaithful, and as we are Christians too, that brings a whole other facet to things. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever endured, even more so than the deaths of very close family members, so whatever your unique situation is, I’m sure you’re feeling great pain, and for that I’m sorry.
We did stay together, and although I never thought it would get better, it did— though it took 3-5 years for my marriage to really feel “good” again. It’s not the same, but it’s very very good again, and for that I’m thankful. However, at many points, if he hadn’t shown complete remorse, commitment to change, etc., I would have left. I didn’t have income (SAHM with a 1 and 3 year old at the time), so I’m sure that influenced my choices as well. I’m a realtor now, and to be honest, the realization of my dependency is what prompted a new career for me. I’m very happy with the way things turned out afterward and with who we are now as well. We’ve now been married just over 15 years, and I couldn’t be happier— but this did teach me that nothing in life is certain, and we have a lot less control than we’d like to think.
It’s easy to do a lot of blaming yourself or asking what you could have done differently. In my situation, it really didn’t have much to do with me at all. My husband had a difficult home life growing up, and there were some deep issues there for him that he had to deal with. My husband told me there was nothing I could have done or not done to change things, and nothing I did that caused it— this was both comforting and terrifying because it meant I had so little control over such a painful thing. Therapy/counseling really helps! This is so important, even if it’s in your own.
I know from reading your blog over the last few years that you are strong, kind, and capable. You will get through this, and you will have true happiness and joy again, even if that feels impossible right now. Your kids are lucky to have you. I wish you didn’t have this pain, though, and you will be in my prayers. It’s so hard to not know what the future holds— whichever direction this goes, I can tell you make wise choices, and I know you will be okay somehow. God bless you!
Barely 9 am and nearly 200 comments? Now that's love and support! Clueless me never noticed. I'm honored you feel comfortable enough to share with us, but I honestly don't expect such transparency when I read a blog. Not sure what I can add that hasn't already been said, but do let us know if we can help, this community that you've created definitely has your back!
I know...my goodness, there is so much kindness coming my way. I am so blessed.
I’m still on my 2 year old journey of being separated and now divorced. It is a journey (an emotional rollercoaster) still after 2 years! I wish you the best and stay strong, especially when everything feels like it’s against you!!! Prayers and hugs to you!!
Sending you extra hugs, courage and strength as you grieve and navigate a path forward. Please don't give one more thought to anyone who may have a judgmental opinion of your private life. I know you will do whatever is best for you and your family. We're rooting for you from the sidelines.
I know this is a very difficult time for you all and it must have been a hard decision to share it with all of us. Keep your head up and we will be here cheering on all of your wins frugal and otherwise.
Kristen - I've never commented before but I wanted to say that I'm sorry and also to thank you. I'm fairly new to following your blog - maybe sometime in this past year. But I feel like you have such a genuine, lovely, and kind blog. Though I have been a frugal girl myself for quite awhile now - I am still learning and find your blog a great place to learn. I think I can relate to you in a shared faith and also homeschool lifestyle. I am sure it must be hard to be "starting over" in a sense - especially when it is something that isn't what you wanted you wanted. I will pray for you and your family today and when you come to mind. Thanks for sharing with so many. I hope that the encouragement you have provided is now poured back to you.
Dear, dear Kristen, we love you so much and hate to see you or any member of your family in pain. I left my marriage after 16 years. At the time, I was scared out of my mind and had no idea how I was going to move forward and what my life would look like. Like you, I was in school to develop a career. Unlike you, I was somewhat of a spendthrift, so I had to learn to be frugal really fast. But all these years later I can tell you that the divorce (you may not take that step) was the best thing that every happened to me in terms of growth. It was, in the end, a blessing. My education paid off (and yes to the community college experience before the bachelor's being wonderful), and I have a wonderful career. Which means I can support myself no matter what. You will be ok, honest you will. And you will model that strength for your daughters. Love and peace and prayers for you.
Dear Kristen,
I have been reading and following your blog for a few years now-the only one that I allow in my email inbox actually, and I have to say-when I first read the headline, I braced myself for what I thought might be an announcement of someone's passing. So I'm relieved that's not the situation, although the dissolution of a long relationship (if that's what this turns out to be) is somewhat of a death. I will be praying for you and your family as you navigate these new waters, but please don't worry about letting anyone down. I hate that you're troubled by that thought, although I get it. Christian marriages are held up like some kind of yardstick by which everything else in your life is measured, but at the end of the day you're just two people in a relationship (albeit with Jesus riding shotgun).
Courage, Frugal Girl. My heart is heavy for you and your family.
Oh Kristen I’m so sorry to hear this. Marital problems are so difficult to share as everyone wants to put their two penneth in and give advice.
My first marriage ended in divorce (married at 22, divorced at 27) it was in very different circumstances to you and there were no children involved.
I’m not going to give any advice other than to say things will get better; breathe; put one foot in front of another and what will be, will be.
Much love xxx
I’m so sorry. I’m sending you lots of prayers and love.
PS. It takes a lot more bravery to share the vulnerable and imperfect parts of our stories. God bless you dear
Hi Kristen -- I have followed your blog for YEARS. I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this stress now. I've watched a friend go through marriage issues and can only offer this one piece of advise: take it one day at a time, 1 hour at a time, maybe even 5 minutes at a time. Lots of hugs and warm wishes.
I would love to see an update on your kiddos. They've all grown so much since I've started reading this blog. I've lost track of their ages and the like. Obviously, this is a big adjustment too and they might not want anything shared -- all very understanding.
How are your college courses coming?
(not ignoring what this post is about, just trying to respect your privacy. I hope you see that your community is behind you to support you; where ever that may lead. What can we do to help you? More comments, likes, views, shares?).
College is going great! One bright spot in my life. 🙂
And I'll share as much about my kiddos as they are comfy with; I always check with them before I share things, as they have opinions about what they want shared now. The girls all just had birthdays, so they are 21, 18, and 16 now...it's hard to believe I have only one kid under 18.
Kristen I'll just join in and echo that I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, and I'll be praying for you. I hope all the love you can feel from your tribe here can help ease your heart a little bit today!
I am so very sorry. I am currently going through the end to my own 25 year old marriage. In my case, my husband is a serial cheater. I also tried marriage counseling and did everything I could to try and save my marriage. What I didn’t know at the time, was that cheating is abuse and that I could in no way stop the abuse until I removed myself and my teen daughters. He was abusive in many other ways as well that I never wanted to face. My spouse has decided to no longer have anything to do with our girls, so I raise them alone, which although not easy, is a blessing. I feel concerned that you were the one to leave your house. I’m sure there are many reasons that maybe you don’t feel that you want to share, but I hope that you consulted with a lawyer beforehand. Or will do so in the near future. I know how gut wrenching it can be, the loss of what you thought was for a lifetime.
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Love and hugs, Kristen and girls. Take care!
Thank you for being vulnerable and real with us as you travel through this storm. Love to you from a longtime Michigan reader.
Thanks for being transparent in this very difficult time.
I understand where you are at and the difficult decisions you're making. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. It's hard... Gut wrenchingly hard. No day is easy but you're right..... There can still be joy mingled with sorrow in the midst of it all. That's the joy of knowing Jesus.
Press in to the One who created you, who loves you and is sovereign over all things. It's a mystery how He works, moves and ordains our days but He will never fail to provide for you, to guide your steps, to give you wisdom and to be near to your broken heart.
I will be praying for you and your family in the days to come that God will make all things right and bring beauty from the brokenness.
I have a friend that is going through a divorce. They've been separated for a year and have older kids, like yours. Apparently, he's always had depression and the pandemic hit him hard.(The increased stay at home, no social outlet/interaction seems to have made a lot of people's lives harder. ) He went to some extremes that I was not expecting. I don't know all the details, but she had to get a restraining order for her and the youngest(was still at home). Her youngest was freaked out by stuff. Know you're not alone.
I'm sending prayers your way. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.
Prayers for you and your girls. I’m feeling sadness for you.This morning in my devotional book we’re the words “Sometimes your circumstances are so difficult and confusing that you feel as if you’re surrounded by darkness. At times like this, you need to look up and see my light shining down upon you. Gaze at me in childlike trust, resting in my Presence. Let go of problem-solving efforts for a while. Cease striving and know that I am God.” I wrote 2022 here in red ink. I was waiting to go to hospital for a procedure about another health issue. I was feeling so frustrated and upset that another issue has arisen. I’ve been used to not having “enough” health issues to even have expenses above my deductible. So these words were just what I needed and I pray will be of a comfort to you.
Oh Kristen. My heart breaks for you. You are NOT disappointing your readers and we all just want to love on you. Life can be both very hard and very beautiful and right now you are in a difficult period. You have a lot on your shoulders right now. Hugs to you, and sending up a prayer as I type.
Oh Sarah, I am so very, very sorry hear of all your marriage troubles. It is so hard to repeatedly try to save a marriage, to no avail. Much love to you.
I wish I could have been the one to stay in the house, and I tried to type here why it is that I am the one who left, but I could not think of a way to do so without saying something negative. But trust me, I am unspeakably frustrated about it.
@Kristen, Those of us who have been there can definitely understand. As the primary caregiver to your minor child, you should have exclusive rights to your house but I know that can be a very complicated and frustrating. You are a bright capable woman and you will get through this. Although I don’t understand why I went through what I did, I lean on God’s promises and trust in his plans.
@Kristen, it's entirely up to you but do understand that we're here for you whether or not you decide to write something negative.
Praying for healing, strength, and clarity for you!!
Praying for you.
Kristen, I'm a few days behind on your blog and just read this..... tears came to my eyes as I read and tried to imagine the grief and hurt you are dealing with. And your precious girls - I hope they are doing as well as they can in the current situation. There is no promise that our lives will be easy, but we do know that God is there to help us through every situation and I pray that you are leaning in hard on Him right now.
Blessings to you.
Sending hugs and prayers your way.
I didn't notice anything odd. I notice the shift in what you were posted. I figured it was change in seasons. Plus, you're back in school and that would be a priority until you were finished. I started a busy physical job last year, so I haven't been online as much myself.
Having been divorced before (very early on in my life, pre-kids), I will share that it was the biggest struggle for me to feel like a failure, share the news with others (and, just family/friends, not an entire blogging community), & the decision to end my marriage. It felt like the end of all of my hopes, dreams, & plans as well. In hindsight, it was the best thing that could have happened to either of us, and I'm so grateful for the courage that led me to the path of leaving. So, so grateful.
All of the support & hugs to you, as you navigate this challenging time in your life.
Kristen- I am so sorry you and your family are going through this very difficult time right now. It is such a blessing that you have your parents, family, and girls close, to surround you with love. You also have all of us readers here to listen and love you through it. I want you to know that you could never get it wrong, or disappoint anyone in this situation. We are only here to listen and help, after all you have helped everyone else with your caring, understanding, and wisdom. It is evident from all the comments that you have already helped so many just by sharing. I have only been in this situation as a daughter, many years ago, but my thoughts are with your children also. My mom raised 5 children alone, and we could not have been more proud of her for all she did. We all grew up to appreciate and love her more than words can say. I am sure your kids will have difficulties, but will learn and grow from your strength and faith and love as I did from my mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you, dear Kristen.
Kristen,
Thank you for being so open and honest. You have to do what is best for your own mental, emotional, and physical health, as well as your girls. You are strong, smart, and resourceful. Having family support is so important! As you said, even in the down days, there are always things to be grateful for! The coffee mug I am using this morning says, "BEGIN EACH DAY WITH A GRATEFUL HEART". Just remember, it's okay to not always be "on", for your readers or anyone else. You are human and need to be able to "feel your feelings"! Take care! You and yours are in my thoughts.
(((HUGS))) I know what a difficult decision it was.
Kristen, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. You and your Blog were the light for me when I was and still do have those dark days. I know that you will find the light again when you get to the other side of this. My favorite quote is by Isak Denisen "God made the world round, so we do not see too far down the road " The best days are coming , one step down that road at a time !! Hugs
So sorry, Kirsten! I have been following you for six or seven years, and I quote you often to my daughters. May all be well through this unexpected detour in your life! It is huge! Thank you for being so respectfully honest!
Thanks for being open and honest about your life - the good and the bad. I wish you and your family peace and love as you travel this path.
Hugs!!!
I love that you are still focusing on things like Thankful Thursdays, even with all the chaotic things happening, too - it’s a really good reminder of how critically important those habits and skills are when life isn’t all roses.
I’m sure this was difficult to share, but I appreciate your honesty.
Oh, my, Kristen! I had noticed a lack of mention of some things and people, but thought it was just you being very busy with school. Never did I dream it would be this. I feel hurt for you and your whole family. How hard it must have been to write this, too.
I have been married just shy of 43 years to my DH, but the fact is, he's my second husband; I have been through the death throes of a marriage, and it is breathtakingly hard. I will pray for you and your family and pray for the best possible outcome of this situation, whether that outcome is the restoration of the marriage or not.
You can see all of us here wish only the best for you and your family and think so much of you. Thank you for being willing to share with us.
If I may, I'd like to add this from the Book of Common Prayer 2019:
O merciful Father, you have taught us in your holy Word that
you do not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men: Look
with pity on the sorrows of your servant Kristen. Remember her, O
Lord, in mercy; nourish her soul with patience; comfort her with
a sense of your goodness; lift up your countenance upon her;
and give her peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen
Omg Kristen. My husband of 16 yrs moved out last month. I’m with you. Xoxo
Oof. That's so hard, Dana. Hugs to you.
Sending you positive energy as you navigate this.
Not to sound crass but I hope you were able to salvage items from your brother's flip house for your new apartment?
Haha, yep! I do plan to use some of those things when I move into a rental.
@Kristen, I had the same thought too! I would have been looking for pans and a mixer and all that! But the plates you showed us are just so beautiful, and I hope they bring beauty into your new home.
I am so sorry to hear it. I hope that you are your family will ultimately be well, whatever you decide in the long-term.
I'm sorry for your and your family's situation. I hope your strength carries you, and your loved ones carry you when your strength falters.
Another long time reader, first time commenter. So sorry you are going through this, you and your family will be in my prayers.
Oh Kristen my heart goes out to you. I’m glad you are in nursing school and have the blog, so you don’t have to make decisions based on finances. I hope whatever happens brings all of you peace.
Me too. I am so, so grateful for my blog income!
Kristen
Thank you for sharing. I can only imagine how challenging your life is now, and added to that, your concern about how your life changes may be perceived elsewhere. As always, it is no one's business but yours. None of us is here to judge, only to say: You are in our prayers and we pray for your strength and fortitude as you forge ahead this year.
It is YOUR life. You must do what your heart and soul tells you to do. No matter how sad and uprooting. You know yourself well enough to do what has to be done and I admire your strength in making the hard choices for you and your children and for yourself.
Let no one tell you "how it should be." You are wise, as always, to seek a variety of counseling to help you wade through all of this.
You set a good example for other women with your honesty, especially about the tears.
Most important, you have let no one down, let alone those of us who read your blog. It is your life and only yours to live as you see fit.
Life is too short to stay in circumstances that, even though not discussed here, clearly compromise you and your belief system. No one ups and leaves a home they love without due cause and that, again, is your business.
Feel free to share or not, as you wish. No pressure from this reader who just wishes you well and wishes you the strength, the courage, the fortitude and the resilience to pursue this new path to where it may next lead you.
Cry as much as you like. It's healthy. Trying NOT to cry takes even more energy. But also try not to stress yourself unnecessarily. If you can. Worry and anxiety do nothing to change a situation, so we learn to manage them as they pop up.
Remember: You ARE strong enough to deal with whatever shows up. Believe in yourself.
Believe in your ability to do what you must as you need to.
As we say in Italy, corragio, Kristen.
Oh, I feel so sad for you. I so respect your honesty. Marriage and life is so hard. Don't be hard on yourself. I will always stand by you and continue to read your blog. Take care of yourself. You are so blessed to have wonderful parents in your life.
There are no simple ways to speak of this hard road. The loss, the grieving can be so profound.
You can take this time to guard your energy and your story and only share in safe places.
It takes so much energy to walk this unwanted road.
I have been walking it since 2019 and I resonate with how painful it is. May you have loving,safe ones to be WITH you in it all.
Kristen, all the I'm sorrys and hugs don't seem like it'll make anything better, but as so many have said already, you are well loved by this community, and as many as pray are praying for you, your girls, Mr. FG and all involved.
How can we support you during this season? Could you make a list of affiliate linked posts so we can check here if we're purchasing something to see if you've linked it?
Oh, my heart goes out to you, Kristen. Thanks for sharing with us, and please know that this reader supports you. I have been reading your blog for over a decade, through some good times and some very hard times in my own life. Your writing has always helped me think about the sparks of light in life, even when the overall picture has been pretty dark. I am sending best wishes that you find a place to live that is a comfort to you and your girls.
I'm sitting here tearing up. What a hard situation. As Stephen Curtis Chapman reminds us, we are "not home yet" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-A1u-Zfal8
One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart...lean not on your own understanding...in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight."
I'm trusting the Lord to guide you through this difficult time. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your entire family.
Sending a virtual hug your way!
Kristen.
I’ve never commented on your blog but just wanted to let you know I am praying for you and your family. Thanks for the courage to share your pain, and know that you will be able to overcome this situation
Kristen,
Words can’t begin to express how sorry I am that you are in this space. I am glad that you have your parents and others to support you as you go through this very difficult time. Marriage can be beautiful and it can also be torturous but no one except the two people in the marriage should decide whether it will thrive or end.
I love what you said about being a blessing sleuth and I’m borrowing it because I need to do more of that in my own life. But…letting anyone down….just stop…you are honest, kind and resilient and you’re going through stuff…hard stuff…take care of yourself and your girls and just say No to feeling guilt about those of us who read your blog..do what’s best for you. I will be around to read whatever you write…and I’m sending good thoughts and prayers up for you.
Sending you hugs. I’m so sorry you have been going through this.
I've read your blog for years and rarely comment,but have found so much useful information and positivity in your posts. Thank you for that.
Wanted to add my warm thoughts and prayers for you and your girls as you navigate this next part of your lives. Change and moving in a new direction are always hard, but I know from reading your posts that you have the courage, the resiliency, and the positive outlook to continue to move forward.
Thank you for your bravery in sharing the changes and challenges in your life. I think it is so helpful for others to know that everyone has bumps in the road. Your story may help someone else make a tough choice to move in a positive direction and build the life he/she deserves.
Sending positive vibes and best wishes,
Nancy B.
Your post may well set a record for number of comments. I'm not going to read the previous 293 responses, so I'm sure many of my statements will be repetitive. I am in your massive group of followers that read regularly but post rarely. I am shocked & saddened by this turn of events, as it always appeared that your life was very well put together & working relatively well. I appreciate your transparency & fully believe in your ability to persevere. You have many gifts & talents & a bright future ahead of you. I feel very badly that you are going through this but am convinced that you have the resiliency to come out stronger on the other side. I stand with your other readers in supporting you & rooting for you.
I'm praying for you and your family.
You do not have to tell me more and I DO UNDERSTAND.
You should be able to get some items from your house legally I do believe and not have to start from scratch.
I support you 110 percent and am oh. So. Sorry. For your pain.
You are smart and kind and most importantly. ENOUGH!
Thank you for your post. I am a new blog reader so didn't notice.
You are going thru difficult times. I don't think it is at all fake to have happy moments thru hard times.
Thank you for sharing. You and the girls will be in my thoughts and prayers as you move forward. Stay strong. Lean on family, friends, God and your faithful blog followers. We all care about you! ❤️
I commend your courage for writing this blog post, something I’m sure was extremely difficult in the midst of a very private matter. I hope distance provides more clarity for you on your next steps - whatever path you choose for the next part of your life. I know I (and many others by the looks of the comments) will continue to be here and support you! And finally, although I think you’re already pretty good at this, just remember you are free to share as little or as a lot as YOU decide on this very public space. Boundaries help keep our sanity 🙂 lots of love & care to you and your girls.
Kristen, I count myself among the many many readers who, over the course of a decade, have grown to look forward to your name in my inbox, knowing it will be a ray of positivity and inspiration (for my wallet, my kitchen, my homeschool plans, or even my reading list.) I am praying for the comfort of our loving Savior to walk beside and before you through this valley. I pray the Lord leads you beside still waters, gives you rest in green pastures, that he restores your soul. I’m so grateful for your voice in the world.
Kristen,
What tremendous courage you have shown. It is very difficult to leave an untenable situation. Leaving a long term marriage will take all of your strength. There are huge gifts in any situation and having the skills to try and find the positive ( even very small things), will help you. All of your frugal skills will be put to the test as you find your way on this new path. I wish you many blessings as you travel it.
Dear Kristen, Thank you for honestly sharing the challenges you are facing. I am sorry this is happening to you. This is the first time since I started following you that you have repeatedly used the word “disappointed.” As one of your older (68) readers, I think that I can say with some assurance that life disappointment comes to all of us eventually. In many different forms. What is important is what you do with it. Feeling grateful each day, as you do, along with working toward a worthy goal, as you are, is the way of a wise woman. You are a self-aware, balanced and wise woman and I am confident that you will use this difficult time as a learning and growth opportunity. Be kind to yourself.
<3
I am so sorry, Kristen. I bet this was very hard to write. The greatest of moments of comfort and strength will come from the Lord. Lean on Him. Trust His plans, and will. He sees those tears…you are not alone. Will be praying for you and your family.
More prayers and virtual hugs for you as you find a path forward for yourself and your family. I will remain a faithful blog reader. Thank you for sharing.
I hope each day brings more peace and joy to you, whichever road your marriage takes. You will continue to be an inspiration to your readers, and more importantly, your children. Trust in yourself. You are a shining star and you are capable of wondrous things!
I have been reading your words and enjoying your perspective since 2011, Kristen. Sharing this difficult news with us takes so much courage and I just want to say how much I appreciate your grace and good cheer. Thank you for writing about the whole spectrum of your life and how you approach things.
Just take it one day at a time Kristen. You and your girls are very strong Women.
May peace and love return to you all.
Whatever that will mean.
However painfully long it takes.
Thankful you had a safe place to land at your parents' house. Keep making the best choices you can with the information you have. One day at a time!
I don't normally comment, reading is what I am here for. Anyway, I have been married 30 plus years and yeah we had a bump at one time. We are both believers and I have to say God hates divorce. So hoping your hubby realizes that and you all can work it out, should be easy at this point, you have so much time under your belts. Hoping this is not his fault. No details please. The love work is worth it and hoping you two can achieve some sense of oneness once again. Thank you for sharing all that you do share, it is plenty enough for me. Be well always.
@Rebecca, ?????
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hugs to you and your girls.
Such sad news! Please continue to pray for your marriage because God does preform miracles on a daily basis!
@Maria Martoral, ?????
Kristen I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I wish you and your family peace, whatever that looks like.
Sending hugs &prayers for future happiness, whatever that turns out to be. May you find the strength to do what's best for u all
Dear Kristen--another lurker, long-time reader here who is sending you all the light and love this internet stranger can send you at this time. I've been through something similar, and if I had any advice, know that you are enough and that this doesn't change how the people most important to you feel about you. I remember apologizing to someone very dear to me when I was going through this, saying that I thought she'd be disappointed in me because of this change, and her response was perfect: how could I ever be disappointed in you because of this? It's life, and we get to accept life on life's terms.
You are enough : ) All the best to you!!
Kristen,
One of my favorite scriptures is "and it came to pass..." Nothing ever comes to stay.
Bless your heart. I know you will survive just take it slow.
Prayers are with you daily
You are certainly in my prayers. I'm hope you are kept surrounded by loving, caring, giving individuals.
Big hugs. We are proud of you for as far as you’ve come and endured. We are not let down.
We are thankful you continue to write and show us this peek into your life. You inspire us.
Like everyone else, my heart aches for your situation and just know you're not alone, you're not letting anyone down, and you are handling it just like you need to. If you and your girls are making it, that's all that matters.
Prayers for peace of mind, for clarity, for courage and strength. You may have a tough road ahead of you or God may intervene and solve it for you. Whatever happens, you can do this.
Sorry. I'ma new reader so don't know much but have been enjoying your archives. You seem very resourceful and I don't doubt you can keep your footing even in such unknown terrain. I wish you well and unexpected kindnesses. But I also worry 'bout your stuff. You make special meals for your girls and I want you to have your stuff to be able to do that. You mentioned grilling season and as a fellow displacedee, my place doesn't allow charcoal only electric, so I got a 14 dollar hot plate at Walmart and put it on my deck with a cast iron grill pan and crank it up. Mmmmm mmmmm good grilled comfort food and lemonade. Take care.
My heart goes out to you as you deal with one of the hardest things life can throw at you, especially with kids involved. I have been there. Some days I felt numb and full of doubt but life eventually improved, and by quite a lot. Friends, family, and good legal advice (so your choices are properly informed) were the critical supports for me. Also, I tried to be gentle with myself, to recognize that while I had really tried to make things work out, that I could only control my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. I hope you are gentle with yourself too.
Kristen, I am so sorry to hear this. I admire your bravery in sharing something that must be so difficult for you. I wish you and your daughters the very best as you work through this.
Reading your post I was feeling so much compassion for you and your girls. Then I got to the line about you feeling like you are letting your readers down and I just started to cry. One of the reasons that I follow your blog is that I feel like you have always been real and honest about who you are and what you are experiencing. I am so sad that you have to go through this challenge but also hope that you know that you are in no way letting any of your readers down. The fact that you are willing to be so real and honest helps us all realize that nothing is perfect - even when it seems like it from the outside. I don't want this to make it seem like you have to post about what is happening. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be going through such a difficult situation and then have to decide how much and what to share. I just wanted to let you know that you are such a light in the lives of everyone who follows you - even during hard times. I wish you all the best as you navigate this situation and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Like so many others, my heart is breaking for you, Kristen. At the same time, I am impressed that you are sharing this so openly and I do believe that this is very helpful for many of us who also struggle in relationships. I'll be praying for you!
Kristen - no wise advice, just best good wishes and prayers. Transitions are never easy and mourning the life you thought you would have is completely necessary. I can tell you, as a long-time single mom, some things actually get EASIER. No checking in with anyone. No compromising on what you want to do. You are captain of your own ship. I have no doubt that this path will lead you to wherever it is you are supposed to be. All my best to you!
I'm a long time reader and don't often comment. Popping in to say you're not alone. You're doing a good job. You're a good mom. Sending you lots of love.
My heart aches for you. I have been there after 24 years of marriage. While no one's experience is the same, I know some of the distress it causes. I believe in the power of prayer and will be praying for you to feel God's peace in this situation. Love you bunches!
Thinking of you and hoping for the highest and best outcome for all.
Kristen:
My heart is broken for you.... Know that you are loved - not only by God, but thosands and thousands of readers around the world. You are incredibly special!
Your honesty and openness has always been much appreciated in the blog along with your respect of the privacy of others involved. This is always a difficult time so I am glad you had a place to go to with support. I am watching a similar scenario play out in the family across the street from me.
You WILL get through this with your strength and attitude even though it may at times feel never ending. It definitely takes two people working towards the mending goal to put things back together. Sometimes that is just not possible. The grieving is real.
Thinking of you and the whole family with much love.
Dear Kristin,
I am so sorry that you have to endure this loss of your dream.
I’ve ached over the situation with your son and hoped so much for that to be resolved that I missed the signs here (except, oddly, that Mr. FG wasn’t holding up his end with Sunday cooking. Ha, as it turns out.).
I can’t help but feel the two situations are entwined.
I admire your courage to get your girls to safety even when it means leaving your home and possessions behind. He should be the one to have to leave!
I admire your kindness in sparing his family members, so very much in keeping with all of your blog posts which have in turn inspired us to much greater kindness. The strength that must take in the face of the unfairness of life in this moment shows that your kindness is essential to you and not shallow.
The example of showing your girls the right thing to do even when it’s hard will serve them well. Also important is that they finish whatever education/schooling path before settling down so they always have a profession and job opportunities to fall back on if needed.
You have inspired us in so many ways toward frugality and positive attitudes and I only wish I could do something to help you in return. Like others, my thoughts are entirely with you today and, I suspect, for a long time. I know you will triumph over this and look forward to hearing if that as it comes. Like others, I would gladly contribute materially if a way can be found.
Know that I consider you a friend of the very best kind.
I am so sorry for everything you and your family are going through. As you said, God is with you and yours and he will provide for you all. How very kind of your parents to see your need and help. That is such a huge blessing. I thoroughly enjoy everything about your blog and those who comment. You have been through a lot and that probably explains the kindness and consideration that run through this blog. I will keep you in my prayers.
I have been following your blog for years. This is my first comment. Just want to send you Texas sized caring encouragement. I empathize with your challenging situation. It is an excruciating season of life. May you continue to find the blessings amid the adversity.
Wishing you the best and I hope you find the peace and clarity you deserve. You deserve to be happy and to be surrounded by people who care for and respect you. Best of luck in furnishing your new place and in finishing school!
I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I went through a very painful separation and divorce with two sons. It does get better. My mom kept telling me you are stronger than you think you are. And I would say "I am tired of being strong." It does all work out in the end.
Sending you so Much love. I’m so sorry for what your going through and I respect the courage you have to share it with us. I feel honored to be In your circle and will keep you and your girls in my prayers. You are not alone!
Kristen, I'm so sorry that things have been this difficult for you. You've shown in so many ways that you are capable of handling this - your kindness, your reasonableness (is that a word?), your family as a priority, a clarity of your values, your faith. This time must be so incredibly difficult. Take it day by day and you'll find your way through. Please take care.
Oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear this-- You were one of my first (and only blog) when I got married, bought a home and did not know how to bake bread or use my kitchen to save the money that we (suddenly) needed for the mortgage-- I feel as if I grew up with you and your lovely family, thru thick and thin, painted walls and re-habbed end tables. Thru prayers and tears and Covid. I do not want to pry or ask personal questions but I have a couple of thoughts.
1) When I saw the title, my heart dropped!
2) It is grace from God that you started nursing school with a clear pathway for YOU as a person as you segue from raising kids to contributing to society in a different meaningful way--
3) Girlfriend? Can I call you that? GET the house. Why does Mr FG stay in the home you built and paid for TOGETHER? You have two daughters living at home and adult kids who visit. Why isn't it Mr FG who has to go rent a studio apartment?
4) If you haven't already, talk to an attorney (just to check out what viable options you have). You don't have to take action and it does not have to "mean" anything but legal advice might not be a bad idea? Just so you know where you stand.
So sorry you are experiencing this loss. I truly understand having been there myself. One day at a time and keep moving forward. Prayers for you and your family.
Sending many hugs and prayers to help comfort you during this trying time for you!
You are brave, good and honest. God is coauthoring a book with you: the ending of the book is great, but some of its chapters are very difficult to read and to understand.
By sharing your honest story, you are helping some of us more than you know.
With God’s help, you can survive anything. Anything.
Please don't think you've "let us down." You haven't and won't.
I am so sorry that you are going through this!! I know how difficult the decision to leave was and the struggle to figure out a marriage situation. Big hugs and lots of prayers to you all.
I'm so sorry for all that you and your family are going through. I hope you can find the strength to work through this with your loved ones and find the best possible outcome that can bring you to a place of calm and happiness. You deserve it.
Dear Kristen-I’m so sorry you are going through this very difficult time. I appreciate your sharing it with us. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers, for God to continue to work in the situation and for you to have all you need. I am truly thankful for you!
Sweet Kristen - many, many, many prayers are being said for you today, and in the days to come. Sending you love, hugs, and encouragement.
So many hugs. I’m sorry.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I support you as one of your long time readers. Take care.
Kristen,
I've been a lurker for years (as a not as frugal as I would like to be Brit!) but your posts cheer me up and encourage me every day. Thank you for all that you pour into all you do, especially with so much hurt going on behind the keyboard.
I'm praying for you all and cheering you on x
Oh, sweetie, I am stunned. I admit with some embarassment I always envied your family life. I would hug you if I were even in the same state as you. You are so lucky to have supportive parents. Bless you.
I'm so very sorry to hear this! I've been reading your blog for so long that you really seem like a friend of mine, although we've never met. Praying for all your family these days: for comfort, for guidance, for courage in the days ahead. Sending love!
So sorry, sweets! Know I had been praying hard for a few years, for this situation to improve. You are loved always, no matter what. God has gone before you and is making a way, where the way forward seems uncertain & cloudy, whether married, separated or divorced.
I apologize if someone else already asked this, but is there any way we can directly support you?? I assume this blog makes you some money, but do you have a Venmo or some other way we can send a little cash your way??
I can only imagine how hard this time is for you, and I know your readers would probably love to support you in some small ways.
This is so kind of you to ask; thank you! I am ok financially right now, particularly because I am still crashing at my parents' house.
A larger problem for me than cash on hand is me trying to get approved for an apartment, income-wise. Everything like this is complicated when you are self-employed! And so many places around here want you to have 3x the rent in monthly income, even if the rent is $2700/month. Sigh.
I am super super grateful to be self-employed because my work is so flexible, but my goodness, it is a headache when you're trying to get approved to rent.
Can your parents co-sign you?
I know it's embarrassing and awful. Like the time I had to drive reeeeeeeally fast to an office an hour away with cash in hand to avoid my electricity being turned off. WOMP WOMP. (putting a nice fail trumpet sound after one of my many, many screw-ups or tribulations makes them a lot easier to handle)
Or the time I had to drive my son two hours away to avoid his bail being revoked. Immediately. That afternoon, or the bail bondsman said his freedom would be going away. WOMP WOMP. Ah, nothing like getting to know the exciting world of bail bonds. Not something I thought would happen to me.
Yes, they are willing to co-sign, and I am willing to be humble enough to accept the help. We shall see if that becomes necessary.
I don't have a whole lot of embarrassment left in me at this point; I am grateful to accept assistance!
I rarely comment but I enjoyed reading your blog for a few years now. Sending you love, peace and prayers in this difficult time.
Dear Kristen,
I think I discovered your blog around 2009 and have been reading ever since. We are very different - I am not religious, didn't home school my children and was never a stay-at-home mom - but we're both frugal, but I've always found your blog to be such a ray of sunshine in my day. There were days at work when I was miserable (for any number of reasons), and a new blog post from you would raise my spirits. I've also enjoyed the many great recipes you've shared over the years.
I don't need to know the details of your situation to feel a profound sadness for what you're going through. I won't say "hang in there", "give it time" or any of the usual things people say when they want to make someone feel better, but I will say that you have a grateful reader in your corner who is rooting for you and your family, and who hopes things will get easier.
And although I don't pray, I will be thinking of you, and sending you all the good vibrations I can muster. Virtual hugs!
This must be terribly hard but you will be able to handle this. You are in my thoughts. A warm hug is on its way to you
Dear Kristen,
Sorrow upon sorrow for you & your family. The death of a long held hopes & dreams is hard, especially when you’ve poured your self into that pursuit. Having the privilege of knowing your family from afar & being deeply grateful for their impact in my life, the heaping sorrows of 2022 are overwhelming. “A bruised reed He will not break and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out.” I ache for ALL the losses your family has endured. Praying on!
Long-time reader and infrequent commenter here. Thank you for your honesty and bravery to share your life with your readers, even the very difficult parts. My prayers are with you and your family that God will continue to uphold you and comfort you, for his wisdom and healing for you. Even though I don't know you IRL, I feel like we share our frugal, waste-averse traits and faith in common and consider you a blogger friend. Hugs!
I have suspected for quite a while that you are my favorite person on the internet, and today is no different. I love all your posts and have been inspired by your outlook on life so many times. Being just a few years ahead of you kid-wise (empty nester now) and I recognized how your WWS/WWA posts had evolved; kids growing up meant special diets and differing schedules and my dinner might be cheese and crackers eaten over the sink. I had thought about leaving a comment on one of the posts to give you “permission” to stop those posts if they felt like they were becoming a burden, but had not yet gotten around to it. So I guess I’m doing that now. Seasons change, and so do we. I am sorry you are having to navigate so many difficult paths at the same time. Please don’t feel you have to keep up what doesn’t serve you during this exquisitely tender time. Sending you all the love in the world.
Kristen,
I've really enjoyed reading your blog over the past few years and so sorry that you are going through a very difficult time. Many hugs and prayers for you and your family. Although this post is delivering sad news, I still find it uplifting. It is your outlook and general nature, so positive.
Feel sad for your situation. Beeing of the ripe age of 56 🙂 I´ve bin through this kind of tuff circumstances a few times. Sitting here in the northern parts of Sweden sending warm thoughts to you.
I'm so sorry and understand completely. I went through a similar situation. I had to move on and even moved far away. I'm so much happier even though I didn't think being happy again was possible. We all appreciate you and send you virtual hugs.
So sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. You are an amazing person. God’s peace to you and your family.
Kristen you are incredibly brave and so strong. Stronger than you know or feel. Thank you (is that the right thing to say?) for sharing your heart right now. I sensed that something had changed but knew you would tell us when you were ready. Not only do you have the support and love of your family and friends, but also the prayers and love of us. On your saddest days, remember that you have people you’ve never met praying for you and for your girls. You are going to be okay. <3 Much love.
Oh Kristen, I feel heartbroken for you and all the losses you all are experiencing. Prayers for freedom, care, strength and protection over your family. May God redeem it all. Much love to you & yours. (We are walking out the tension/loss in 2 family marriages right now, and it’s like walking through deep spring mud. These losses are so shared. Your wisdom and grace in this position of immense personal pain is so admirable.)
I’m so very sorry to hear this, Kristen. Sending big hugs from Illinois and big hopes for a happy future for you and your family. ❤️❤️❤️
In my sixth decade of life I can confirm that God is real, He has bottled up your tears in Heaven, He will not abandon you and He us the Best Company on any journey. Always and in all ways.
Soli Gloria Deo
I’m so sorry that you are going through such a difficult season in life. I’ve been there and it’s the most heartbreaking and scary thing I’ve ever had to endure with my child. But know this, as hard as it is in the moment, one day this will be behind you and life will look wonderful again. It’s difficult to go through the pain and hardship, especially with your beautiful children, but you are doing what you need to do and what is best for you all. I send my love and prayers from a longtime reader and first time commenter.
Dear Kristen,
I have wanted to message you for some time about the "going back to school as an adult" and now there is another layer.
I am so proud of the work you are doing to become a nurse. Even if that's not where you land, know that I know the difficulties of being a student and a mom and a wife. It takes structure and determination, tears and prayer. So proud of you. (yes I said it 2 times)
Adding the stress of a relationship that is no longer viable in its present form can feel like too much to bear. I wish it were different.
With many prayers for all of you.
Deborah
No advice or questions. Just sending you lots of love. That is all
“(I can confirm that a human body is capable of producing a nearly-inexhaustible supply of tears.)”
Isn’t that the truth! I am so sorry to hear that you are currently in that place. But getting them out is cleansing. Thank you for your honesty. Some days it can be hard to keep your head up….but you are a strong and wise woman and you will persevere. We never know what the future will look like (COVID has reminded us ALL of that) but we must adapt and find joy along the way where we can. That’s one of your superpowers!
Sending support and hope from afar. Wish I could drop by with a bowl of soup, homemade bread, and a big hug!
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this! Been a long time reader since around 2009. Nothing in life can be taken for granted. I am so glad you have a support system and are able to continue practicing thankfulness and gratitude. Hoping good things for you.
Kristen, I’m so sorry to hear this yet still manage to find wonder in your writing about it and perspective.
I am also having a very hard time in my marriage, feeling all the same feelings, desperately trying to save it but failing miserably.
Lots of love from your ‘dear reader from Europe’ ♥️
Oh, friend. I am sorry that you are struggling too. Big hugs to you.
So sorry you are going through this! Thanks for feeling like you can share what you did. I have been following you since 2010 and will continue to follow you through the good and bad times. Take care:)
I'm so sorry to hear this. Hugs and prayers for you.
Kristen, I am thinking of you and your family. I see over 375 (and counting) comments have been posted of love and support - wow, I know you feel the love from this beautiful community that you have created!
What I have discovered about life is that 2 things can be true at the same time. We can be filled with grief and worry and we can also be optimistic and hopeful for the future. I love the quote "Bloom where you're planted." But I also love the quote "When a flower doesn't bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower." I have no doubt that you will bloom in whichever direction life takes you. Your more admirable traits are your authenticity, thoughtfulness and optimism. Those traits will serve you well as you navigate your new path with the.
Big hugs from Dallas and from your whole community. xoxo
Sending you hugs and prayers. The picture of you and your daughters is lovely. I am sad about your situation but happy you have a plan and family support. I wish I lived close enough to give you a hug in real life.
Sending love and support to you all.
Kristen, so sorry to hear of your struggles. Thank you for being willing to share. Thinking of you and wishing you the best (in whatever form that takes) as you move forward.
I read this blog every day and have for a very long time. The optimistic outlook, the frugal thinking, the DIY, the recipes, the wonderful photographs keep me checking first thing every morning for a new post! I usually don’t comment, but maybe I should for things other than relating to your tuxedo cat:) You and your family will be in my daily prayers. Please take care. Hugs
Sending hugs and prayers to you and your family.
I am so sorry to hear about what you are dealing with. My heart goes out to you and your family. Many prayers!
Kristen
Thank you for sharing what's going on.
I send you the very best wishes
Susanne
I’m so sorry. I wish I had better words of comfort, but know that I’m thinking of you and your girls as you navigate this.
Keep going. You have children who need you and love you. I commend you for pushing through. It WILL get better. Been there.....
I’m so sorry Kristen things are bad. I hope, things work out to how you want to them to work out. I say this with the best intentions you need to consult with a divorce attorney immediately even if you do get back together. You need to know your rights.
I'm so sorry, Kristen. My marriage fell apart a few years ago, to the point where I moved out and our lives basically revolved around hours and hours of therapy a week. It was absolutely brutal. By the grace of God, we were able to work it out, and I'm grateful for that. But sometimes marriages don't work out, and that's ok too, as sad as it is. I only say this to provide some solidarity--I don't think we talk enough about how immensely difficult marriage can be (and it can be BRUTAL), so I appreciate you opening up and normalizing that a bit. It sounds like you have great support and counseling around you, and you're being very open and kind to yourself in this process. Keep taking gentle care of yourself--I hope and pray that no matter the outcome, that you feel supported and held by God, your counselors and loved ones, and that all of your logistical and financial needs are taken care of. Sending big, big hugs as you navigate this journey. <3
Dear Kristin, I am so sorry. (((HUGS))) I am so glad that you have your parents and your girls during this sad and challenging season. And always remember that you have boundless worth, as a woman, a mother, a person, and someone with wonderful skills, which can be hard when one's self-esteem is taking hits. ((((Extra Hugs))))
Sending you and your girls so much love and I will be praying for you and your family. ❤
I’m so sorry.
Thank-you for this post. Your post is helping me to craft a message to a friend just starting this journey.
“I am beginning to see that much of praying is grieving”-Henri Nouwen
Long time reader here- just wanted to add to the outpouring of love that you are deservingly getting from your readers! As someone else commented, I have tried a lot of your recipes and frugal tips, and almost feel like you’re a friend.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I am thankful to hear you have a lot of support and I know from reading that you are relying on the Lord through this.
Well, OUCH-EE. Isn’t that just heart breaking news. You will survive and like a piece of furniture that you make new and beautiful, you will transform yourself (with God’s help) and become a new and better version of yourself. Don’t despair. Have hope for the future. So many people believe in you and are supporting you with their gratitude for all you have given us through the years.
Absolutely heartbroken for you, your daughters and your entire family! I wish I could make you a big cup of tea (in a Snoopy mug, of course!) and lend a supportive ear and shoulder to you. Please continue to take one day at a time and know God will never leave your side. Plus, you have lots of people (like all of us!) cheering for you each step along the way! You are so incredibly kind, strong, faith-filled and brave ~ the perfect example and guide for your daughters and son. Hugs to you, Kristen!
Kristen, first of all, I am so sorry you and your girls are having to go through this. I'm happy you have the support of your parents and other people in your life!
I've never been of the mindset that bloggers "owe" their readers any more details of their private lives than they're willing to share. I come here for the frugal stuff, and that said, I've always been impressed at how respectful you are of your family--you share just enough so we can see how you make frugality work for you and your girls, but you don't overshare. In today's overexposed, social-media-happy world, that is a gift! I never feel like I'm reading something I shouldn't, if that makes sense. It speaks to your generous and humble nature that you wanted to let your readers know why your content has changed, and more than that, we don't need to know. Your post was honest and true, just like all your writing.
Praying for you and your girls, that you'll find a (cat-friendly!) place to land; as a renter, I know how hard it is out there right now. Have you looked on militarybyowner.com? Military (and ex-military) rent out their homes by owner, sometimes with a property manager. If you are near a military base, at all, it might be another avenue to search by. That's how we found our last two homes. Generally they are open to allowing pets. And right now a lot of military are PCSing to new locations, so there are quite a few, at least in our area.
You and your children have my 100% support. One foot in front of the other. Rest when you need to. This is so very hard. And you will figure it all out.
I am so sorry to hear of this hard news. I will be praying for you and your family.
Count me with the oblivious readers. Sharing something as personal as family problems can't be easy. However, you have many readers who will be bringing your family before the mercy seat of God. That would not be true if you had avoided the subject. I'm praying that everyone involved in this struggle will grow closer to Jesus as a result of the trial. Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might.
Sending warm blessings and postive energy your way.
Much love to you...you may be in the trenches now but will climb out (said by someone who has been there).
Hang in there.
Dearest Kristen - I am so so sorry for your pain during this time. I guess what I wanted to say is don't compromise yourself an inch to 'salvage' your marriage. I am no longer Christian, but remember the strong pressure to keep a marriage together even when it was past broken (my parents finally divorced when I was 12). It was always my mom who had to look past something, to forgive, to compromise, to give in. I got married in my mid-30s and have never assumed we would stay together until death. That probably sounds cynical and sad, but it helps me keep my identity and independence as a person intact, if that makes sense. For myself, I need to know that I have the freedom and ability to leave and that I choosing to stay every day I'm in this marriage. My career helps so much with this and I've been so excited that you are pursuing your education and training to be a nurse.
I am sorry for the loss of this one dream. I wish you so much happiness and joy and peace in your new life and for your new dreams to come.
If you are not ready to start a Go fund me type of operation, would you consider setting up a Patreon? I've benefitted from your wonderful free blog and recipes and tips for maybe 15 years now and would sign up in a heartbeat to continue to support you and your work.
Hmm, a Patreon does feel like a more comfy option for me; I have never looked into Patreon but I know people create some extra content/benefits for people who contribute, so maybe I could look into that.
@Kristen, please do! I think it also has the benefit of not being a one time type of thing like Go Fund Me, but could be a steady additional source of income.
@Kristen, Patreon is a fantastic idea from @Ally. I am a Patreon of http://www.modernmrsdarcy.com, a wonderful site for book lovers. While I've never met her, Anne Bogel, founder of the blog, seems like someone who would be happy to give you advice on how she works with Patreon.
That is a good idea! I used to be in a mastermind group with Anne, so we kinda know each other. I will send her an email.
Dear Kristen,
I am so sorry for the pain you are in. I'm not sure what to say (I'd rather give you a hug and sit and cry with you!) but I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we do not know what to pray or do not have the words. So please know that you are being loved and prayed for from afar. You are a treasure and I'm so thankful for you.
Kristen,
My heart hurts for you and your family. I am grateful for each of your posts, and especially for this one. I of course wish you were not going through this very difficult time, but as your dad suggested, sharing your experience helps others realize that they are not alone. I am wishing you strength and peace on your journey.
Prayers for you through this season… I hope you find all the support you need, and the ability to let careless comments slide. Many (from the church) who didn’t know my family’s full situation would feel compelled to make comments about my moms decision in divorcing my dad, and it gave mer so much pain to feel their judgment. It made me so mad, and I feel very protective of women in this situation. I pray any comments will find you in a strong state of mind as you know who you belong to, and whose opinions really matter. I’m so sorry you’re going through this - nobody plans this, and nobody makes these decisions without much thought and consideration - and ample amounts of TRYING to make things work before they get to this point… I see you and wish all the love for you right now.
Thank you for sharing, I needed to read such right now as I lost my beloved wife on Monday. I find is very special that so many of my clients, friends and family have reached out to me. Like you, because loss is loss no matter what causes it, I to am what I call my emotional roller coaster. I usually am an extremely strong person yet at moment I have to just stop and simply breath otherwise it does become far to overwhelming.
I hope that what ever lies down the road for you and your family is a peaceful loving environment no matter how your trials of this affair end. I am a firm believer that we are all on the path we need to be on. We don't have to like it yet it is always much easier if we accept it.
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for your loss. And yes, a loss of any sort feels like a roller coaster emotionally. Sometimes I am really feeling ok, and then sometimes I am a complete disaster. I figure the waves of feelings will come and go, and I have to just let them be what they are, remembering that the hard feelings will not stay forever.
@Terri, so sorry for your loss.
@Terri, I'm so sorry for your loss.
@Terri,
I’m so sorry for your loss. Stay strong and I’m sure that better days will come to you.
@Kristen, Thank you for you kind words of my loss....yes, one day at a time is all it takes. Nothing will ever change the love you have for another except your own self. I have told everyone I have ever loved or still do love that I will love them to my dying breath and beyond, wish them well if we are to depart then hang on to the good things that brought about the love in the first place.I do so because all to often I hear people state they hate a person due to the situation then never allow them into their thoughts again. This to me is very strange because for the life of me I can not understand how such can be said... I know by keeping such love in my heart I can make it through even this. Hang in there, it does get better...with time.
@Kris, Thank you for your condolences
Kristen,
Thank you for sharing with us, even though it must be terribly difficult. My thoughts are with you through such tough times. Please keep us posted on how we can support you- even a regular post about things we all need/atta girls and boys would be welcome! I'm very grateful you've allowed us on this journey with you.
Kristin, I just discovered your site a few days ago and I love it! Believe it or not, this is the first time I have ever posted online on a site like yours. So thank you for being courageous and posting about your troubles, it gave me courage to post too! God bless you, you and your beautiful family are in my prayers; keep up the good work of your Frugal Girl site and thank you❤️
Aww, I am touched that you have posted here. Thank you!
I am guessing this will be the most commented post on your blog. When a crisis occurs even the silent come out in support. You are appreciated, and dare I say, loved by so many of your readers for the variety of things you bring to each of us.
As I recently said to another favorite instagram follow "If I take a moment to think about how I really feel about most of the influencers I follow, it's that I assume their lives are probably messy and challenging but they are able to get through that and still create/find/share content that I appreciate. And that's the goal, not the perfect life but the ability to create a moment of zen despite the real life. Or I guess, as a part of the real life." The fact that you share your ups and downs makes you an influencer in the best sense. You influence us to go on and keep trying.
My heart aches for your pain. May your entire family share in the support we give you.
I’m a longtime reader and lurker here but feel the need to step out of the shadows and say I understand. I understand every word you write because I have been there. No one wants to leave a marriage but we sometimes have no choice. Be well, focus on you and try to build a happy life for yourself and your girls. What others think is inconsequential. It is in these darkest days that you most need to search for joy and gratitude- no matter how small.
Also, it’s hard to tell who you have helped by sharing these truths. Take care. You have a big cheering section here!
Kristen, I’ve been a reader for the entirety of my marriage, almost 12 years. I look up to you so much as a wife, a mother, and a Godly woman and I’m grateful for your honesty about this. I’m praying for you as you make difficult decisions day by day. Good job doing the hard thing, friend. I admire you even more for handling this situation with such grace.
I’ve been following you for years and years. I just want to say thank you for your bravery in putting this out there. I will pray for strength for you as you navigate these difficult times!
I just said a prayer ("Hail Mary"), for each of the members of your family, (all 6 of you).
I asked Mary, the true Mother of Sorrows, and the Mother of Joy, to be with you, and to give you comfort.
In the context of your "What Every Woman Wants to Hear" post,
I SUPPORT YOU.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Thank you so much for the support! I love that you remembered that from my Kristen Prompted blog.
I am so very, very sorry to find out that you are living with this pain. And I am filled with admiration for your strength in doing what you have to do to take care of yourself, in continuing with the blog, in staying in school. I wish there was something more tangible I could offer besides keeping you in my thoughts. I am so glad your parents are available to provide comfort and a place of shelter to you and your kids.
That is a lovely picture of you and your daughters.
Thank you so much, Lindsey! Your marriage is an encouragement to me; to read that it is possible to love and be loved like you are gives me hope.
I have never commented before on your blog although I have been a silent reader for years and years. You have inspired me so much with your quiet faith and cheerfulness and now with your openness about the brutal reality you are weathering. Sending all good thoughts and wishes for your support and for your family. I hope you know what a blessing you are to readers of your blog in both cheeriness and despair. Your sadness has drawn me out of my silence to comment and to send you a virtual hug. x
Thank you so much, Ella!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I like to think that marriage is like two people paddling a canoe. You need be communicating and working as a team to get to where you want to go. It's HARD to maintain perfect alignment during the course of a marriage. Sometimes you're paddling in opposite directions. Sometimes one person is paddling and the other other is sitting on an oar. Sometimes other people are getting into the boat with paddles of their own taking the boat in directions that benefit them. Sometimes you're stuck in a downpour.
Offer up your sorrows to the Lord and in time His plan will become known.
Kristen, my heart goes out to you, for what you’re going through in your marriage, having to leave your home & bring forced to & courageous enough to share your private and personal trials so you could feel true to yourself and be authentic to your readers. While my situation was totally different than yours (my former husband announced one day, after 7 years of marriage, that he was unhappy and refused to go to counseling & I was completely shocked), I wanted to share two songs that helped me tremendously that I played on repeat. One was from the Disney movie Pete’s Dragon which spoke to me about the friends and family who supported me (I don’t remember the name).The other was “Too Many Fish in the Sea” by the Marvelettes”. Not that I was even remotely interested in dating again at that point, but the song was optimistic! I did meet my current husband about 6 years later on Match.Com and we celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary earlier this year. Kristen, while we have never met, I can tell from your blog that you are smart, kind, loving & lovely, a hard worker, creative and filled with faith, among other positive attributes. Peace and blessings to you and your family.
Oh, I love that your story has a happy ending. I am so thrilled for you!
Nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said. Sending you the biggest hugs ❤️❤️
Right there with you, sister, after 20 years. It is so hard. And sad. You will find the right path for you and your family.
I am so sorry that you are walking this path too. Big hugs.
Kristen, I think the love and support of your thankful readers broke the internet today - this is my fourth attempt to reply, and I kind of love that.
I hope you are feeling the support of those of us out here who have been so touched by your lovely blog over the years. It is a true gift for us to be able to give back to you now, even if so humbly as a simple blog reply. Know that we want only the best for you and your family, wherever and whatever that is. And that there is absolutely no judgement here, only a sincere hope that your pain lessens over time, and leaves space for something beautiful to take its place.
I am feeling so loved and cared for; thank you so much for commenting, even though my blog has made it a little hard to comment today!
Kristen, as another long time reader, my heart hurt for you as I read this. I said a special prayer for you. You are a lovely person. ❤️
Oh, Kristen! I'm so sorry to hear this. I have read your blog for a long time but never commented. Sending so much love and hugs. I am navigating a similar uncertain path in my marriage and understand the grief but also finding joy in the in-between. Just know that you are not alone, you are strong and you have such an incredible group of women standing behind you to give you strength. <3
Oh, Kristen. I am so, so sorry to read this. What pain, what struggles you have been through to get to this point. I’m thankful that you and the girls have your parents to embrace you and provide a loving home for you, and to help you provide one for the girls. I will be thinking of you every day, cheering for your wins and offering empathy during the tough times, that you can count on. (A great many people feel the same, looking at all these comments.) I hope you’re able to find a pet-friendly home soon that you can afford, and you can get started on the work of building towards whatever life will look like in the future. And that Zoe gets her cat back! I second what some others have said too: get a lawyer. Even if you aren’t to the point of looking at legal separation or divorce, a lawyer is a very important resource person to have on your side as you are making decisions, and they will help you understand what you’re entitled to and know how to help you get that.
Both my wife and myself have been through divorces at a similar stage - with young people at home still or just moved out. Life was so not what we had expected or planned for or wanted, for ourselves or for our children. It does get better though. We have a new normal and are surrounded by a new iteration of family. Life is rich in a new way, and interesting. It will be that way for you too, even if it takes awhile to get there.
I’m sending so much love to you all!!
Thank you for posting. This may help one of your readers. I was where you are four years ago. My marriage ended in divorce. Yes, the amount of tears a human body can shed is pretty amazing.
I have no questions I just have support in the form of prayer for your. You said it perfectly that during trials we can also have blessings. Your blessings sound much like mine - a village to support you
I’m praying really hard for your rental situation. I too had to rent and in January i was told my lease would not be renewed and had to move by February 28th. I just got keys to a new place, in the interim I was in an Airbnb with my son.
May you understand that separation and divorce send you through the grief process. This grief can be worse than the grief you would experience with the death of a loved one.
Praying for you and your family.
Oof, the rental situation right now is just...terrible. So, so hard. I'm so glad you got a new spot to land.
Kristen, I rarely comment but enjoy your blog so much. As a Mom whose daughter went through this I can understand the hurt and the worry of your parents. Be good to yourself and your girls and you will find a way. I am praying for you and will hope for future joy and happiness.
P.Ss I am in on the "$-help" if anyone starts this. You have helped everyone so much that maybe we can help in just a little way.
Oh, Kristen, I`m so sorry to hear this!
Sending you big virtual HUGS!!!
Marriage is hard and it takes a lot of courage to walk away when it's not working anymore (and after much back and forth on this, I'm sure).
You are a strong women, and whatever comes your way (your decisions) I am convinced you will be OK. Even if I don't know you IRL. I have been reading your blog since the beggining and you are a good, strong and wise person, this transpires in every post.
I am very happy to read that you are pursuing your nursing degree regardless, and wish you all the success in the world with this.
Hang in there, it WILL get better.
I've been reading you since nearly the beginning, and want to say thank you for sharing and you'll be in my prayers this year. I hope that you get clarity on the decision that is best for you and yours. <3
Kristen,
Thank you for sharing. You could never "let us down" as we are loyal readers and fans of you in all of your humanity. In our house we have laughed through many tears and had hysterical laughter turn into sobs. This is life. There is grief and gain and your ability to find the mercies and silver linings is what makes you an inspiring person. Whether your marriage "works" or not, you are listening to your true self and doing what you need to do and that is always a good thing.
The Japanese art of Kintsugi is where the artist takes pieces of broken pottery and repairs them with precious metals. Something new and beautiful is created out of something that was broken. You get to create whatever you want with your life. You have been a wife and mother for so much of your adult life, have supported your loved ones and now you get to take the time to figure out what you want with the next half. Personally I can't wait to see how you grow and shine!
Try and keep finding the beauty in life. It seems like the scales are tipped towards sorrow at the moment, but life is fluid and will shift towards joy in an instant.
With love and hugs from SoCal,
MB
Finding the words for this post must have been so difficult. Keep your chin up.
My prayers are for you. I'm saddened you are going through this. Have read your blogs since you were on the 700 club. May you sense the love and appreciation we have for you.
My heart hurts for you, Kristen. I'll definitely pray for you when you come to my mind. This is a tough road to travel, and I'm glad you have support.
I am so sorry you are going through this and I wish you strength and the love of the people around you.
I know you haven't decided what the future of your marriage is, but you still need to consult a lawyer NOW to understand how to preserve your future rights just in case the marriage ends. Please don't rely on the church to give you legal advice, including whether or not to consult an attorney.
Kristen, so sorry to read of the troubled time you are going through.
You are inspiration to those of us that follow your blog and you help us to see the good things in life even when we go through tough times.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!!
I have never commented, but been reading for years...
Know that you are loved and in the prayers of so many people.
Don't feel any obligation to tell anything you don't want to. You do not owe anyone on the other side of a computer screen anything.
I for one look forward to any new adventures in frugality await during this next season of life!
Kristen: Thanks for giving us some of the details of what is going on in your life! I will stand in prayer for you and your family 25 years of marriage speaks volumes that you have hung in there! May God work a miracle in your family and life and things can change for the better for the two of you! God hates divorce let pray that you can work things out for his glory and benefit! God loves both of you and cares about your heart!
@Karen Parlier, ????
That post of full of strength, grace and honesty. I wish you and your family the very best...
My thoughts are with you and the girls as y’all navigate this time in your lives.
Kristen,
Thank you for sharing this with us. I know how difficult it must have been. I am one of your long time readers, and I want you to know that you have NOT let me down. Please also know I am praying for you as you start to build a new life. I wish I could give you a big hug and give you a comforting meal.
Sincerely,
Amy
Oh, Kristen, I´m so sorry for everything you´re going through! I think all of us blogreaders just wish we could carry part of your pain for you.
Sending you all of my blessings from Stockholm, Sweden.
I'm so sorry, Kristen, and so sad you are going through this. I have been where you are and it was the 2nd most painful time of my life (1st was I lost a child stillborn). No matter the adversity that comes our way, I always know that joy can be on the other side. After 30 years of ending a difficult marriage, I have had 25 years of a joyous, almost blissful marriage to the love of my life. In our 70s we are more in love than we thought possible.
I wish for you a peaceful and joyous resolution to your current pain, whatever your decision. I know God will direct you in the path you should follow. It's obvious you have plenty of love from us, your readers, and we'll continue to pour love until your "cup runneth over". Always know that big (virtual) HUGS are available whenever you need one.
I love that your story has such a wonderful ending, and I am thrilled to death that you have found long-lasting love in a new relationship. So lovely to hear!
Oh, dear! I am very sorry to hear this. I will keep you and your family in my heart, and thoughts, and prayers. I hope it all works out as best it can for all of you.
In the meantime, I am looking forward to the continued and refreshing realness your blog has always offered. Will be sending much loving-kindness your way.
I've loved your blog for over a decade. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Hang in there!
My very first comment, and I realised I typed your name wrong. I am so sorry Kristen!
Reposting my comment so you can ignore my previous one and approve this instead-
Dear Kristen,
I wish this is not the first post that I choose to comment (I have been a silent reader and follower for a while now), but here I am choosing to comment because I want to send you lots of love, strength, support and good vibes your way. Marriage is hard, but it is even more hard to stand up for our own self. Your blog has been nothing less than honest and earnest so far, so thank you for sharing this phase of life as well with us. Take care and I sincerely wish you find peace and happiness.
Oh, no worries at all. I am very used to people misspelling my name. There are SO many ways to spell Kristen.
Like, Kristin, Kristyn, Krystin, Christin, Christyn, Chrysten, and so on.
Thank you for commenting to voice your support!
Your honesty is so brave. Sending all the positive thoughts!
Oh, Kristen. I don't usually comment, though I have read your blog for many years. I can only echo what others have said so much more eloquently than I ever could: I'm rooting for you and praying for you and wish that I could give you a hug. Take care of yourself.
You have not let us down.
I am so sorry you're having to walk on such a hard road. As a friend once said to me, sometimes change can be good if it's something you wanted and pursued, but a lot of times it's just thrust on us and you have to choose to make the most of what you're left with. I'm sure nearly everyone can relate to our lives not turning out exactly as we thought they would, and I know that we respect your need for boundaries in how much you share and in your need for grieving and space.
Thank you for sharing your strength with us, and your faith. There are always good things even amidst the very worst trials and tragedies, but it does take effort to notice and appreciate them. I wish you clarity and peace as you forge your path ahead and choose the right path for you and your family.
And also, if you do end up deciding to get a divorce, know that your children can still be happy, healthy, and thrive. My own parents got divorced when I was a teenager, and though it was hard to go through, I can see now that it was absolutely the right thing long-term for the mental health of everyone involved. It might take some time for your children to get there, but they definitely can.
Hugs to you <3
That is very encouraging to hear about the kids. I feel such a heaviness about the upheaval in their lives, but you are right; it was not a healthy environment for them even when we were all under the same roof.
I’ve been thinking about you all day, Kristen. You are dear to me, even though you don’t know me. I am so grateful that you light up this corner of the internet with your wisdom and kindness and personality. Just know that you mean a lot to your readers and we are here for you.
Oh, Kristen! I’m another lurker, rarely comment, although I read every blog entry & all the comments. Please know that I stand solidly in your corner. I applaud your honesty & am humbled that you trust us with your truth. I’m sure I speak for the other readers when I say that our hearts are open to hear you & help.
As a long-time reader but new commenter, all the way from Dublin, Ireland, can I just add my love and sympathy? Other readers have been much more eloquent, so I will just add an old Irish blessing: "May the road rise to meet you, may the sun shine warm upon your face; the rains fall soft upon your fields and may God hold you in the palm of His hand". Know that we are all rooting for you ..............this too shall pass.
Kristen,
I've been there done that. The roller coaster ride of emotions can be overwhelming. My shame of failure was almost unbearable. But I kept my focus on my kids and my self worth. I encourage you to continue counseling with clergy or professionals, as a couple, family or individually.
I appreciate you sharing your life with us. Many, many hugs!
Yes, we have multiple therapists and counselors and pastors helping us; I am so thankful for all the support.
I'm so sorry you've been through this too.
@Kristen, Now add a lawyer to the list. You shouldn't be scraping to get and pay for an apartment and you shouldn't have to cede all the marital possessions, even temporarily.
We don’t have to look far to see that we live in a broken world and my heart breaks for you. I admire your strength, bravery and trust in God’s mercy and I pray that the hope and promises of Christ’s redemption for our brokenness encourages you. Come, Lord Jesus. Hugs!
Dear Frugal Girl,
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I went through a divorce after 20 years of marriage with three teenagers, I went to nursing school, and I’m currently very satisfied with my life. That’s not to say it wasn’t hard, because it was. My girls had traumatic experiences thanks to their dad and they continue to muddle through life to get on their feet. I pray for them daily and trust that God will give them all the graces they need to succeed. I’ll be praying for you and your family as well.
I am wrapping my arms around you best I can all the way from phoenix,Arizona, and over the internet.Sending you VIRTUAL HUGS AND REAL LOVE. I feel you are a part of my daily life..I check your blog every single day. You AND your readers are so polite,yet honest,real and raggedy all at once and I count on it!!! My family has also been going through a hellacious year, our grown son has had long covid with many many health issues and we’re STILL scared.Yet, LIKE YOU,I believe we have the good the bad and the ugly in every day of our lives.I am struggling with my faith, but I keep praying.And I keep doing THANKFUL THURSDAYS with you and also i do a gratitude journal daily.
We do not need personal details.That you are in pain and yet still willing to blog with us and be with us, is a gift!
I love that you have been taking care of yourself with your pursuit of nursing (I AM A RETIRED LABOR AND DELIVERY NURSE!!!) and with exercise,walks, and good counseling. I love that you have supportive family.I love that your girls are there for you.
Hang on, and know that your faithful readers adore you.You could NEVER let us down.
Here’s to a bright future custom made for YOU.
My thoughts are with you and your ladies during this challenging time. Somewhere down the road is an 'After' with less pain, more joy and I hope you get there soon.
I have loved you and your blog for over 10 years, and this only makes me love you more. I hate to see you and your family go through this. But I have no doubt you will come through this, and in the end, will be better for it. First time commenting in all these years!
Thanks for being real/genuine. Whatever comes next will be a change for you and that must be scary. Just know that you can handle this. Doing something about your marriage because it hasn't been right takes courage and your family will likely be better off as a result. You're moving forward instead of staying stuck. Trust yourself. You have all the skills to lay your path forward. Sending you so much support and positivity (((hugs))).
Kristen...continued prayers for you. For wisdom, strength, healing, clarity of mind, and ability to see through hard circumstances. My heart is heavy for you. Several Bible verses come to mind, but this one has carried me through a very similar hard time. Isaiah 43:2--When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. (I offer the verse because you have opened shared your Christian faith.) Just knowing He will be with me is comfort.
As a long time reader for years and years - sending all the love and I hope you can find clarity on what is, I'm sure, a really difficult situation. Hang in there.
Wow ! Thinking of you and many blessings to you and your beautiful Daughters . Everything going to be alright , God is in charge ! Visual hug to you dear Kirsten.
That’s a sad post for you to write. But maybe it’s also uplifting, as so many of your readers have sent you love and kind words.
It must be unsettling. Thinking of you and sending you love all the way from New Zealand.
Pippa
Kristen,
Oh, how my heart hurts for you. Please know you and the girls will be in my prayers as you travel this hard road. God has you tightly in the palm of His almighty hand. If you want to be nearer to your good friend in Ohio, there's plenty of room for you at our home. Honesty is hard but it is so necessary for healing and moving forward. Know you are love and supported by those of us who read you faithfully.
Kristen, I don't know you, but I appreciate you and your words so much. This morning as I read your post, I just had to stop and cry. And I keep thinking about you today. Hugs and prayers for you from another mom with a son and three daughters who are very similar ages to yours. May you find God's mercies fresh every morning. Hugs.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this, Kristen. I have so much respect for your positive outlook on life and values around frugal living; while we’ve (obviously!) never met, I do feel a connection to you and wish the very best for your future ❤️
Long-time-reader-and-mostly-lurker here joining the hundreds who love you and care about you to send prayers for strength and peace. And a cat-friendly place to rent!
MANY prayers sent, hang in there. This whole story made me cry.
I've read your blog so long, but I have never left a comment. Please know that all of the wisdom and experiences you've shared over the years is so appreciated. Sending good thoughts to you and your loved ones as you continue to move forward, 1 day at a time. Thank you for all you do and the positivity and honesty you bring to the world with your writing.
Kristen, I just want to send you all the love. I'm so sorry you've got such hard going on. The Internet is amazing in its good and bad ends and one of the good is that we can have people in our lives (like I have you, and you have all of us readers) and we can genuinely love you and each other. Hoping all the best for you. xo
I love your blog! I will definitely keep reading, it really helps me stay motivated. Thank you for all you do.
Your blog is a place I come to because it's serene, comforting and homey. I rarely comment though as I'm the least frugal person ever but trying hard to learn how to be one.
Your marriage and if you go that route your divorce are yours. You don't have to mention it ever again and your very loyal readers will continue reading because you're an incredible person who cares so much about others and it's evident in every post.
I would be happy to contribute a bit to Amazon (well I do that too often) or go fund me, and I don't do that often--only if I know the person personally and then I have a long list of criteria which I don't even have to ask myself in your case! But I think you're going to find your way, quicker rather than later.
Like many of the readers commenting today, I’ve read for several years but never commented. Your blog post has been looping in my mind all day. I guess we really never know what goes on behind closed doors. I have a very painful situation in my own life and when someone else is brave enough to share their pain it makes mine feel lighter. Not that I want you and your family to suffer so my pain can feel lessened, that’s not it at all. I think it’s more carrying each other’s burdens. Of course I only know you through what you share on your blog and social media, and you don’t know me at all, other than this comment. My way of carrying your burden will be to keep you and your family close to my heart and in my prayers. No one gets out of this world without their fair share of suffering but that doesn’t mean we won’t also experience joy in the midst of it. I hope the Lord grants you abundant joy during this time of trial.
Thank you for sharing <3 I have been in a difficult season in mine since 2018 and it has taken its toll (many times I wished physical separation was a more realistic option than it currently is and I think it may be inevitable). Thinking of you. It's so hard to come to terms with reality sometimes and the life we imagined/thought we had/the people we thought we knew. Clarity will come, either way. You will come through and you will prevail.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I know what a strong role model my mom was for me and I know you are the same for your girls. When my mom left my dad, we also moved in with my grandparents and that was the best gift she could have ever given us. It was a sanctuary of peace and love in turbulent times. I'm glad you have your forest walks, your girls and your family. We're all here for you, no questions asked, you deserve your privacy. Love and hugs.
Giant hugs to you and your kiddos. I had a thought about your smile and gratitude and that is this: This is exactly WHY we practice gratitude frequently, so that we can weather all of the storms and sunshine of life. You are an inspiration to us and your blog community is sending you good thoughts.
Sending you strength and positive energy.
Kristen, I'm so so sorry to hear this! I have followed your blog for years and I have always felt like we had a lot in common. I can't imagine how hard this is for you! You will be in my prayers! Thank you for being so honest. It's a reminder that we all need to be there for each other!
Kristen,
My heart is absolutely breaking for you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I've been a reader for well over 10 years (maybe closer to 15), but infrequently post. During that time, I've gone through rough times (major child issues, health issues, divorce and even a seconed marriage) Life sure does throw us some curveballs. But, as you so eloquently point out, those curveballs also come with beautiful and happy moments as well. Thank you for being so beautifully transparent while remaining respectful (just as you have alwayas been).
(((Kirsten)))
That's a hug from me to you.
When your soul hurts, being out in nature can be a balm..you go right ahead and sit on that log and do what you've got to do.
Your surrounded by love and supported by many. Remember that.
All my best to you and yours, and again...
(((Kirsten)))
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry for you. Please do not beat yourself up - please be kind to yourself
I recently read my kid a book - it said: endless tears are possible, biologically. So... yeah that.
I've read your blog long enough to have suspected the troubles previously, as I think I also noticed a nose piercing at about the similar time, with date nights too - and thought 'i think there's big things going on, behind the little things'.
My thoughts - and NONE of them do I expect an answer to, are: why can't you stay in the home? Thinking of the windows you lovingly put it! I do hope you can find a way where you don't bear the full burden of reequipping a new home (financially, energy wise etc etc)
I am so so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I have been there. I thought I couldn't live through it but I did. Others have. You will too. Someone mentioned Divorce Care. I highly recommend it, if you get to that point. They talk about the death of the dream and what forgiveness really means. I am pretty sure it is non denominational. The leaders have been through it too so they understand. And they will give you snacks! You can do this!
Praying that God will do what only He can do. He IS our redeemer and He loves to redeem marriages, all for His glory! Stay on our Solid Rock and you will not be moved. Wait on Him. He will hold you fast.
Kristen, I'm not going to be able to say anything that probably already hasn't been said. Know that you and your daughters are in my prayers. I am sorry that you all are experiencing such heartache.
I am so sorry to hear this news. I’ve been quietly reading your blog for a decade and have cooked your food and watched your kids grow up. So many people are routing for you. And even tho the internet is huge you’re not alone in this corner.
To FG and all of you who are facing challenges:
Get yourself a book called.....SISU - The Finnish Art of Courage by Joanna Nylund.......all about determination and making it through almost anything.
SISU has helped me through deaths of three of my children, a fire losing everything I owned, and I'm on my third round of breast cancer/now metastisized.....my only child living is my son of 54 years old....he is a survivor of neck/throat cancer/7years ago .....now has heart disease, diabetes, colon cancer, a hip that needs replacing ...and he suffered a stroke and blood clot 6 months ago on his left side; he is left-handed and is/was....an illustrator/artist of textbooks to teach English to Asian K-12 schools....now he cannot even hold a pencil and most of left side still has little or no feeling.....no use/control of left hand.
You can bet I SISU him every day....but he's dealing with it all....mostly....(totally overwhelmed)....with determination and nobility......SISU!!!!!
And I am so very proud of him !!
Always have hope and just do the best you can do, with what you have to work with, for as long as necessary....my heart is with you!!
Sending you a hug. I will be praying for you as you navigate through this difficult season of life.
Please find yourself a support group. Family and friends can be a great source of support but a group can help in different ways and help you understand. Called to Peace Ministries has online help, resources and articles.
Thank you for sharing this VERY hard thing. Prayers for you as you navigate this next uncertain time. Prayers for peace and comfort. ❤️
I was in your shoes at the end of 2018. I just have this to say… you will be ok and so will your kids. Cling to your support network. Allow yourself to laugh, like really belly laugh. Remember who you are or take some time to find out who you’ve become. You’re not alone❤️
Your blog family is here with you (even though many of us rarely post). Never worry about what you have to share, we will understand and help hold you up when you’re down. ❤️
You are brave and so true to yourself to share such a personal experience. While you will have your hard times know you have the support of not only friends and family but countless readers. You are mighty and you will find the right path for you wherever it takes you and your family. Sending virtual hugs from a less brave reader who also recently separated from her husband. You are an inspiration to speak my truth vs hiding.
I am so sorry, Kristen. Thank you for sharing this news with us. I know it was probably not easy to open up like this. We are all rooting for you!
I am holding you in my thoughts and hoping things are as gentle as they can be for you. Please don’t feel like you’ve let anyone down. You are honest, brave, courageous, vulnerable and inspiring. Thank you for sharing your authentic self. I will keep thinking of you. Someone once told me- We can only appreciate the sunshine once we have walked through a storm. You are in an awful storm right now but it sounds like you are already still seeing the sunshine. Take care of yourself and your girls, and stay strong x
Adding my voice in support. To quote Dory : " Just keep Swimming"
I have been a faithful reader for years, but I'm not sure I have ever commented. I will be praying for you. This is hard stuff. I'm happy to hear you have wonderful support--that is so important.
Hugs to you....it would never have been an easy decision. We do what we feel is the best and I know after reading your words for many years, you would have made a very calculated decision with everyone's best interests at heart.
Sending you lots of hugs from Western Australia. x
Kristen, just another 'nearly from the beginning' reader chiming in to send you all the love I can.
Just take it one day at a time, you can do anything one small step at a time. I too have three girls. I made it through LPN school one day at a time, and almost 10 years later went back to get my RN one day at a time. You can do anything that you put your mind to! Will it be hard ….. absolutely!!! But it will definitely be worth it! Big huge hug sent your way! You’ve got this!
I wish you love, peace, and light to you and your children as you go through this difficult time. Thanks for sharing the hope of thankfulness in your Thankful Thursday posts. These last two years have been particularly hard for me so I always look forward to those posts to remind me there is much to still find joy in, and I admire you for being able to share light although you have been going through your own battles yourself. You have a lovely spirit that is felt through every word you write and has helped lift my spirits many a time. <3
I’m so sorry that this is the road you are traveling. I’m sure I join many other readers in praying that you find the answers you need, whatever they may be.
Kristen,
I am sending love, light, prayers and positive energy from my heart to yours. I have been reading your blog for years but this is the very first time I have commented. I really appreciate you, your point of view and your blog and I really appreciate your honesty in such a difficult time. Time heals a lot of things or at least makes them easier to accept and I believe your community of readers is always going to be here for you. Thank you for being you
It's Polly. You are one of the kindest people I have ever met. You came all the way to Arlington after my mastectomy to document my surgery! I have spent today being sad for you. Please accept my prayers and good vibes your way. There are many possible paths before us. Trust and believe. And hugs. Lots of hugs. If you need anything I'm only 45 min away in Reisterstown.
Ohhh, Polly! So lovely to hear from you. Thank you so much for caring and for taking the time to comment.
Holding you & your family in my heart as you go through this hard time. I wish that I had the words to take away some of the pain, the anger, the grief…but there aren’t any…. Just know that you will get to the other side of this. I know that God is holding you in the palm of His hand.
I am so sorry, Kristin. I am a long-time reader (10+ years) and have always found hope and solace in your posts. You profoundly inspired my decision to homeschool my kids and later, to start my own homeschooling blog (!) and I have learned so much from you about having a cheerful attitude in all things (not my natural strength!) and about being a good citizen of the Internet. Yours is one of the very few blogs I allow myself to read at this point, which speaks to the incredibly positive and productive community you’ve built here.
I am praying that you would feel the the Lord’s peace with you as you walk through this. He sees every tear that you have shed on that log (Psalm 56:8) and he feels your grief with you, for Christ himself was “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). He sees you and he loves you, and I pray that you would know, with every inch of your soul, that one day, you will be with Him and He will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Every single tear. And there will be no more mourning, nor crying, nor pain for you then, for you will be with Him, delighting in Him and He in you (Rev. 21:4). So much is uncertain about the future, yes, but this is true, and I rejoice in that for you. Hope to meet you there, sister, when we get to the place where “everything sad will come untrue,” as Lewis put it. My love and prayers are with you.
Your girls are so adorable. God will help you. ❤️❤️❤️
Tolkien! Tolkien! Not Lewis. But I’m sure Lewis would have agreed.
Oh, FG, I am so sorry that this is how things are right now and I'm absolutely confident that you made the current right choice for you and your girls. Your strong faith, your strong supportive family, and your ability to think for yourself will get you though this, although it's going to be hard (which you already know, d'uh).
And my goodness, five hundred and freaking sixty five comments of support! (I didn't read all of them but I'm confident that they're supportive.)
It must have been so hard not to say anything for this long, and now so hard to share it. I hazard to predict that even if you don't talk about it much, it's going to be easier for you now that you've shared it. Secrets can be poison; sometimes the way to take away the sting is to share them.
Thank you for sharing your life, even the hard parts. I hope you have peace with the situation sooner rather than later.
I echo what so many have already written, but I hope you and your daughters find solace amidst life changes.
I have been a long time reader, and I am not sure that I have ever commented. But I have been thinking about your post most of today. I am so sorry that you are going through this, I am praying for you and your girls. I do not have much more to say, but my heart hurts for you!
Kristen, I'm so sorry you're facing this difficult situation! I'm praying for your family and trusting the Lord will give you wisdom and courage as you walk this path.
Another long-time reader and first time commenter here. My heart broke when I read your story. I went through a divorce with 2 very young kids, a demanding job and no family nearby in my mid-30s. The grief can be overwhelming. I haven't read through all of the comments, so I apologize if someone has said this: don't be afraid to lean on folks right now. If a friend or family member invites you out for a meal or a shoulder to cry on, go. If you have a day when sitting on that log and sobbing is all that you can bear, ask your parents for help with household stuff or driving your girls and go there to cry. If a faraway friend offers to Zoom or call to let you talk and process your grief, let them call. At times, you may not feel up to doing any of these things, but working through your sadness and letting people envelope you in love helps a lot. There will be another side. I was fortunate enough to find love again after my divorce. Just as important, the strength that I found when going through the hard days and the confidence that I gained have stayed with me and sustained me. Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us.
I am so sorry for your situation. Whatever happens, I know you will be o.k.
I am so sorry. I'm so thankful you have the support of your counslor, your pastor and your family. I will be praying for you and the girls!
You have always shown such grace in adversity - I know your strength will not let you down now. Of course you will cry and scream - it is NOT FAIR!!! Allow yourself ALL the emotions! But in the end you will come throuh, maybe sadder but certainly wiser. May you be ever aware of God's life giving presence and abounding love. In my prayers.
Kristen, so sorry to hear this, you're in my prayers, be Strong.
I am very sorry for your difficulties and hope and pray things resolve how you want them to. I am so glad you have your parents and daughters.
Kristen, I have been with you for many years. I too regret not seeing any sign of what was happening. I had tears while reading your post today, as I am sure many of us did. Bless your parents for being there for you and the girls. Look to all of us for support. We’re here!
A while back you posted something about Andrew Peterson’s song Always Good, which I had not heard before, but I added it to my iPod. I’m not sure if you made a connection between that song and Joshua, but when I hear that song, I pray for him. So now when I hear that song, I will pray for you as well, regarding this current situation. If you’re inclined, you might take a look/listen to Mark Lowry singing Does Jesus Care. I have listened to and cried to that song numerous times, but its freeing to let the hurt out. My heart aches for you in all this, and like many others, I’d come over and hug you if I knew you in non-blog life.
Yes, I actually came across that song during our first separation, in 2018, and I have listened to it during many troubled times since!
I will look up the song you recommended; thank you.
You’ve given so many of us such kind and cheerful encouragement through the years. I am glad you have some support now as you go through this. Am sending you all the good vibes. And p.s. I think it was super brave if you for sharing. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing so generously, please never feel like you are letting us down! Huge hugs, and hopes for peace and a healthy path forward, however that looks for you.
I'm another longtime reader (2008 ish?), rare commenter. I second the idea of a Patreon, I'm sorry I didn't write down the name of that commenter or reply to the comment, so I can't give credit where it's due. But like them, I have benefited from your wonderful recipes and wisdom over the years, and have enjoyed following along all these years. (My only child is a few months younger than Lisey, and we also homeschooled.) I would love to be able to help you financially in this time of need. Look at it this way: you deserve to be paid for your skills, whether it's your recipes or your fine writing. Also, on the topic of children and divorce: my parents did not divorce, but they should have. They have now been married for almost 66 years, miserably, and have stressed out and saddened my sibling and me so badly that we can barely stand to be around them. Now my father has dementia and my mother insists on "caring" for him, while keeping up the contempt and condescension she's treated him with my whole life. It's heartbreaking. He told me during a lucid moment that he wished he'd had the courage to do something about it long ago. No matter what happens in the future, you have shown your daughters that you (and they) deserve to be treated with respect, that you are strong and that you will rise above difficult circumstances. Hugs to you from Seattle. (And fingers crossed for a pet friendly new home, very soon---I can't imagine being separated from my emotional support kitty!)
I’ve never commented here before, but I just want you to know how much I admire you right now for doing what’s best for you and your girls. I wish more people had your strength.
I’m so very sorry. I’m praying for you and your family.
I am so very sorry to read this, and my heart goes out to you. I have been reading your blog faithfully for at least ten years, although I don't comment much. I just want you to know that you have created such a lovely space here of genuine honesty over the years with your blog, and I appreciate it tremendously. One of the last times I commented was when you posted about Joshua, and I am reminded again of how grateful I am for you allowing us enough of a glimpse into your personal life to see your struggles. I went through a divorce when I was much younger (I am just about your same age), and I struggled so much as an almost-30-year-old when I thought everyone else had their life totally figured out and I couldn't keep mine from falling apart. Your honesty helps keep "the grass is always greener" thoughts in check that can creep up so quickly when reading about someone else on the internet. I think as I get older, I am getting better at realizing we all have tremendous struggles in life and you never know what someone else is really going through--even if you think their life looks perfect from the outside. Thank you, again, for your vulnerability and honesty. I know I don't really "know" you, but I am sending you tons of love for healing and peace, no matter what direction life takes you! Thank you for being such a blessing to your readers.
I’m so sorry you are facing this. You do so much for others, and I’m glad there are so many people to lift you up. Sending love and support from South Florida.
Kristen. Please get what belongs to you and your girls. I'm assuming that you're just waiting for a place to put them. But if not, get someone to help you salvage your own stuff. Don't leave it all behind. Without knowing your situation exactly, there are people and entities to help with that.
Kristen,
Regular reader / almost never a commenter. I read this very early this morning and have been thinking about you and your family as I went through my day. What a hard time this must be and how courageous you are to share what you have with your blogging community. I am glad to hear that you are finding ways to find solace in your walks and support from your family and friends.
Most recently, when facing adversity of my own, I felt the need to "comfort read/listen" to the whole Narnia series by C.S. Lewis again while going through some of the hard tasks. So as I read the comments that flowed forth in response to your post today it made me think of that moment in Voyage of the Dawn Treader where everyone is sure that all is lost and a small bird appears to lead them out of darkness. “But no one except Lucy knew that as it circled the mast it had whispered to her, "Courage, dear heart," and the voice, she felt sure, was Aslan's, and with the voice a delicious smell breathed in her face.” Maybe you have not read this series, but suffice it to say I hope you and your family continue to feel all the love and support you need and deserve as you walk this future path.
Oh Dear, I am so sorry for your pain but also proud of you to be so though to move out. its one of the hardest things especially if you are not totally independent
I have been following you for more years than I probably realize. Time flies! Thank you for sharing. I am honored that you let your readers know what you are going through. We will be here for you just like you are here for us on the regular even when our own lives take a turn on us. ❤️ Take care!
Kristen, I am so sorry to hear this and my heart aches for you. I hope you are feeling the love here and know we are with you. Sending you positive, healing vibes.
I am a fan and usually never makes
Comments but today I will share with you words I wished I heard many years ago. Sometimes the path gets darker before a great light shines through and fills you with calm and warmth. Hindsight is definitely 20/20 and God doesn’t always show you his plan but you can trust that his unconditional love will make you whole. You are loved and so worth it, never forget that. Always be true to yourself and watch how you find your way, wherever it may lead you. ❤️
My heart is grieving for you friend, for you truly are a friend to so many you've never met! I feel like I have a kindred spirit across the miles, for so often you mention life experiences that I can raise a hand in solidarity with: a homeschooler who now homeschools her own, biology major and EMT, mom of 4 who experienced crippling hyperemesis the entire pregnancy every.single.time, Christ follower. You encourage and bless countless poeple with your kind and cheerful spirit and you and your family have been on my heart all day.
Please know that I'm adding the echo of daily prayers to those already being offered up. I read your blog daily and it will be a constant reminder to lift you up to the throne of grace.
Specifically, I'm asking the Father to give untold grace and true heart repentance wherever it is needed, that He will be your great comforter and provider and healer. That He will send encouragement and strength for the day as you need it, and that He will guard your heart and that of your daughters from the ache of bitterness and anger. I pray He will give you friends who love your entire family well and that He will indeed restore. I pray that you will know His wings covering you and He would grant some kind interaction with your son if in any way possible. Most of all, that you will not be without hope, "day by day and with each passing moment."
May you know indeed, that He is near the brokenhearted. Sending hugs and blessings
Ohh, is that a reference to the hymn? My mom loves that one..."day by day, and with each passing moment, strength I find to meet my trials here."
@Kristen, yes! That hymn has been a balm through so many sorrows, though most often sung with tears running down my face. May you find the Lord's heart to be "kind beyond all measure" for you and your dear ones.
I thought about listening to it on the way to class this morning and then thought better of it because I was sure it would make me cry. I will listen to it right before bed, when I do not have to go anywhere with puffy eyes!
Dear Sweet Kristin,
My heart is breaking with you. Thank you for having the courage to trust your readers with your sadness. As a whole, we all treat each other with kindness and that starts with you. Your gracious personality shines through even during this most difficult season in your life. As a believer, you are my sister in Christ. I have struggled all day with what I wanted to say. Everyone on your blog has said what I am feeling, most of all that we will love you through this no matter what happens with your marriage. I am praying for you and your whole family. Life is uncertain but God’s presence is sure and his grace is never ending. His mercies to you are new every morning. I am sending you a huge bear hug, that is the best kind of hug. I am also sending you this verse from the Bible that speaks to me and I hope it does to you as well. “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield”. Psalms 91:4 (NIV)
Please continue to have quiet moments, stay in His Word, and take good care of yourself.
Love to you and your children.
Warmly, Vicky Mac
Kristin, you have been such an encouragement to so many, I love that God calls Himself the God of all comfort, I pray that gives your heart rest. Awhile back I recommended the devotional Streams in the Dessert, it is extremely helpful, such comfort in the storm. Such encouragement that God is always working, sometimes when our heart is battered and bruised we don't know what's next, one of my favorite Steven Curtis Chapman songs says "trust God and take another step" we just have one job, just to be in in God's will. Take care, I so appreciate your genuine heart.
I’ve been reading for years. I usually don’t comment, maybe never? I continue to read because I appreciate your approach to life and the way you write about it. I’ve also learned a thing or two, purchased something on a recommendation, etc etc. Your writing produces a feeling like I know you and that you want to be known.
All that to say: you wrote about and are carrying this trial gracefully.
God bless you in these coming days, weeks and months. May His plan for you be made clear. May you know His peace.
Oh my goodness. I feel like words are sometimes so inadequate.
I wish you all the love and healing and strength, and most of all, the clarity to follow whatever path takes you to peace and happiness.
Oh Kristen, I am so sorry for your pain. Hearing this news makes it even more incredible that you have studying and achieving excellent grades!
When I was considering divorce it was so hard and I read books and articles and tried to find the ‘right’ answer. I felt so lost and uncertain and scared and ungrateful. We did divorce, which was the right choice but I was still conflicted about it. Then I read one of the stories in Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed and in one of her responses to a Dear Sugar letter she said, “wanting to leave is enough”. I can’t tell you how much peace that gave me. I wish peace for you too.
We had plans to buy a house last year and he kept us waiting 8 months before pulling out. The rental we were in had sold and we had 2 weeks to find somewhere to live. We did it though and today I can ignore the main road and look over the beautiful yellow in the field opposite and see that joy. A place will come along for you, and whatever it is, I know that you’ll make it home and keep moving forward.
You and your girls are in my thoughts.
@Victoria, came back to add that you could get a ‘buy me a coffee’ widget for your site, and people can buy you as many ‘coffees’ as they like. It wouldn’t be you asking for something, it’s the act of a friend to take their friend for coffee and a chat when they’re having a rough time. You’ve bought us all many metaphorical coffees over the years without your grace and tips, so people want to do the same for you now - friend to friend.
Kristen you will be OK. You have Jesus carrying part of the yoke with you. And you have a great support network who are praying for you. Especially me.
Hi Kristen, I don't usually comment, but I just wanted to send you my love and best wishes in these hard times.
You are truly inspirational, you have created such a lovely online community here, I have been reading this blog for years, and I just love the familiarity of it!.
I really hope everything turns out ok for you and your lovely girls.
Take care
Vicky x
Just wanted to send you a big HUG! I have been in your shoes (minus- i didn't have any children) It is stressful, a lot of emotions! Thank goodness for family!
I will turn out exactly how it is suppose to.
Keep on writing!
Praying for you and the girls as I am sure it is hard on everyone!!! But your right God will see you through and you will be just fine!! And we are all in your corner praying and lifting you up!!!
Your grace and kindness…you’re just a wonderful person. I wish you clarity.
I am joining in with the others of this FG community in giving you love and support. Thank you for your courage to be open and honest with us. We do not need to know anything more than what you feel free or want to share. You have brought so much encouragement to so many of us and we want to encourage you in this time of loss and grief.
You are in my prayers. You are extra-amazing for continuing to blog and help so many others while you are going through this valley in life. I hope the sun shines brightly for you on the other side, however that may look.
I am sorry to hear this and I will keep you and the girls in my prayers. As far as sharing, I am of the firm belief you share whatever you need to at whatever pace you need to.
@Wanda, I agree with you.
I did not see any way to comment except to reply to the last commenter. Probably since I am in my late 70's and don't know all the ins and outs of computer things.
Kristen, my mother heart aches for you. You could be my daughter. My 3 sons are in their 50's and I have grandchildren the age of your family. My point in saying this is that, even at my age, I learn from you---not just recipes and homemaking things, and frugality, but attitudes and courage. You have a heart full of love and you willingly share it.
You will see brighter days, and we will all be here to share it with you. Sending hugs and prayers and "you go girl" wishes your way.
xo Jane
Kristen, I am so sorry for your pain and loss and will be praying for you.
I have been reading your blog for years and would love to be able to help you in some way. Would you consider setting up an Amazon registry and link it to your blog so that your readers can help you with the household items needed? We have no idea what you were able to take with you and would need direction for sure. Just the kitchen alone is a major replacement of items but so necessary to keep costs down so that you can do your own cooking. Thanks for considering this idea. Sending lots of long distance hugs to you.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Huge hugs from me to you.
I read this last night and I was hoping that overnight I would think of something comforting and profound to say. Sadly, it did not come to me. All I can say is I'm so sorry that you are going through this, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Prayers are the perfect thing to offer. 🙂 Thank you.
We love you and want you to be happy. Please share whatever you are comfortable sharing. We are here for you. Hugs♥️
Kristen, I’m so sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. I’ve always respected your deep faith in God (even though I don’t share that), and I know deep down that it will bear you up through this painful time. Sending all my best wishes for happiness for you and your girls.
I am so sorry for your family's struggles. I have gotten so much from your blog, for many years, at no cost to me. I would sincerely appreciate it if you would post a Venmo or similar way that I can contribute as you create a safe and happy home life for yourself and the girls.
Many hugs. Keep taking care of you and yours. Wishing you peace.
Hi I have read your column for many years. I love how frugal you are and what you have to offer. I have left an 18 year marriage almost three years ago at the age of 58. I knew I wanted it so bad for so long without telling anyone. I work two part time jobs and continue to look for more work at 62 years old and renting an apartment (one bedroom after leaving a 4 bedroom house) where the rents go up every year ugh!!!! Its hard to figure out what should I take and in my case what would he allow me to take (part of my reasoning for a divorce). I worry all the time about paying my bills and having a roof over my head. My kids sided with my husband so at this time there is no relationship there (dad has never cooked, cleaned, done laundry and you left, etc....) I was a child in this relationship having to ask permission for things people take granted for. From the outside people thought everything was great but I am one to bottle things until I just can't take it because I am so unhappy. I received help from a therapist who totally helped me to shed some light about what I deserve. I have always been frugal and can make a meal out of nothing. Me writing this to you is just to hold your head up and don't listen to any negative comments that may or may not come your way. You are strong and you will figure it out where you and you alone will be happy in your decision. I am happy making mine and being alone as sad as that may sound. Keep your head up and listen to your heart no matter how hard this is and alone you feel.
I am so sorry that you have been in such a rough place; it is hard to be blamed for being the one who left, when the situation you left was simply untenable. Big hugs to you.
Kristen, one of my favorite Christian songs is Grace Got You by MercyMe. I was having a rough day (and sad about your news yesterday too) when the song came on. God knows just when to play the right music at the right time. His perfect timing! Your amazing positive attitude is what I love about your blog! Hugs and prayers!
I'm so sorry to read this. I hope you and your family can find peace and that you and Mr FG can come to terms with what the futures holds ahead. I'm glad that you are blessed with a strong family support network to help you through this.
Have not had time to read your posts lately but this one caught my eye. I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope you get some clarity with time spent apart and you end up in happy place no matter which way it works out. Having my own problems and issues in a ten year relationship so I feel like I know a little bit of what you are going through. Relationships are not easy and everyone has issues. Sending love and hugs and wishing all the best for you and your family.
I (a long time reader/never commenter) just wanted to let you know that I've been lifting you and your family up in prayer and will continue to do so. I have found so much encouragement, strength, and hope from Katy Nichole's "In Jesus Name" and Charity Gayle's "I Speak Jesus" when fighting my own battles. This road may be an uncertain one, but I am so thankful for a God that is close to the brokenhearted and who restores our souls.
Oh that’s funny! I just recently added I Speak Jesus to my worship playlist. Also, Same God.
So very sorry to hear about this. I'm glad you have the support of your parents and daughters. It can be a very hard time. I speak from experience. But I feel you are a strong woman and you will come out of this ok, no matter what the outcome.
Thank you for sharing with all of us who love to read your blog.
I'm just sorry you come from a culture/context/religion where you'd need anyone else's permission or approval to leave, that you'd feel the need to justify your decision, that you'd feel the need to prove how hard you tried to avoid this situation, etc. It's obvious you're a good person who cares about your family. It's obvious something very wrong is happening if you and your three daughters moved out. That anyone would question or doubt your decision is insanity. That you'd need to worry about justifying your decision is unfortunate. That you've put up with this for 4 years (or more) is sad. I hope you can do what's right for you without worrying about how others or religion will judge. I hope you know life will eventually be amazing again if you decide on divorce. I hope you feel empowered to leave something that you've already tried to fix for a very long time.
I hope all your readers have learned not to assume that marriages are sunshine and roses, even if it appears that way from the outside.
I know this is hard to share, but I am grateful that you did. I am also going through what might be the end of a (much younger) marriage. It's not nice to know that you are struggling, but it is also nice to know that I'm not alone in struggling. If that makes sense. God bless you with wisdom and strength through this challenge.
Big hugs to you; I am so sorry that you are in a tough spot as well.
One more comment because your post is still in my head...
Should you decide on divorce, I am SO EXCITED for the second half of your life. You're going to rock it and have the most fulfilling life after you get over this mountain of sadness and transition. Let's review:
- You're about to have a rewarding, lucrative career as a nurse where you'll help so many people and gain meaning, satisfaction and financial security. I'd take you as my nurse any day. Your clients are going to love you. You're entering an in-demand field where you'll have your pick of jobs, you'll have geographic flexibility, and you'll have job security. If you want adventure, there's travel nursing too!
- You'll continue to have this blog and the huge community of people you've built who love you.
- You'll have your grown children who seem fabulous and who will be such interesting adults, and maybe one day you'll have grandchildren to love too.
- You're so fortunate to be close to your parents and siblings and they aren't going anywhere.
- Hopefully as you exit the parenting phase, you'll keep making more real-life girlfriends, which are my favorite relationships in the whole world.
- You are SO YOUNG. Compared to my urban life, many of my friends your age are just starting their first marriage or having their first child. Should you wish to be married again or date, you'll have epic love in your life. And you'll find an even better, healthier romantic relationship next time, because it'll be informed by the wisdom you've gained over the last 40 years.
- Again, you're SO YOUNG. You're done raising kids at an age when many people I know have toddlers (again, I have an urban life in a liberal, high-educated context). You still have a whole career in front of you! You have FREEDOM of extra time no longer spent caring for others. You can take up new hobbies, prioritize making new friends, and do whatever else you wish.
- You're so darn HEALTHY (physically at least). You're in the minority of Americans who aren't obese, who aren't on a long list of medications, and who don't have a lifestyle-created disease. That's amazing! You're so well set up to live your best life when you're ready to step into that next phase.
- You've likely been banging your head against a wall trying to fix something for 4+ years. You can't spend life dragging someone behind you. Well, you can, but it's miserable. Nor can all things be fixed. Nor should all things be fixed. When you're ready to let this go, imagine all the emotional energy you'll have to devote to other parts of life! I know it's hard to let go of a theoretical vision of how life should play out or how you imagined things would be when you were 20, but I promise things get brighter when you let go of what's not serving you well.
I hope you gift yourself a joyous, healthy, selfish (taking care of yourself first) next 40+ years! You deserve it. And if you want to be in a romantic partnership again, you deserve someone who is kind, unselfish, who fights for you as much as you fight for him, who knows he's lucky to have you, who celebrates you, and who brings out the best in you.
Thank you for this, KK. That last paragraph: yes, that is exactly what I would like to have.
@Kristen, I am SO much older than you and have an 18 year old - struggling with his "I'm 18 and can do what I want attitude" ! BTW, traveling nurses make almost double what on-staff nurses make (no benefits though) in case you wanted to explore and save significantly for a few years. I don't see how this is sustainable in the long run but seems to be a growing trend. On-staff nurses don't love working with traveling nurses because they don't have the experience working at the hospital to where they are traveling and don't know the routines/where things are, etc.
That's true; it's something I could consider, depending on my household situation once I graduate. I think it could be fun to travel around for a little while!
Adding my warmest thoughts to this beautiful chain of caring.... because of who you are!
Long time reader, first time commenting. I wanted you to know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. In the tough season you have ahead of you I hope you can find the clarity and peace you need. I love your blog and look forward to reading it and all the comments from the wonderful community you have built. Thank you for all that you do for us in providing such wonderful content and giving us a peek into your life through the good times and bad. Even though I don’t personally know you I consider you a friend and truly wish I could give you a big hug. Wishing you all the strength you need now and during the road ahead of you.
May peace and God's grace be with you in this challenging time. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I have been reading your posts for many years although I rarely comment. Thank you for being so honest and real. In sharing this, you can help others. You've already helped me. I remember when I read your post about Joshua and it was after I had been struggling with my own son. I kept beating myself up trying to think about how or what I could have done differently and I felt like such a failure as a mother. I knew you weren't a failure and when I read about what you were going through it helped me to be gentler with myself. I love how you share your faith and the fact that God will take care of you. I believe that. It easy to share something when you've gone through it and it's over, but it's more difficult to share something when you're right in the middle and it's messy. You are a strong, brave woman and what a good mama to your girls. Thank you for sharing
Long time reader, first time commenting. I’m another link in the chain link fence helping you to stand strong, giving back for all you have done for this community.
Thinking of you and sending best wishes. (-- long time reader/lurker 🙂 )
Kristen, you may not see this and I don't comment frequently, although I always read. I just wanted to say how brave and strong and inspirational you are, have been and continue to be. Sending all my good thoughts to you!
Kristen, I’m sending you love, light, and prayers for strength and healing.
I think you are an amazing woman, and none of this changes with this latest update.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
you know what they say...when God shuts a door, opens a window (something like that, english is not my native language)
Kristen, I haven't read all of the comments (you have a great on-line support group!) so this may have been mentioned, but it bears repeating. You've spoken of a counselor and pastor, but if you have not already retained legal counsel, please do so. Your husband has certain obligations and you and your girls have certain rights. While you were a SAHM and home schooling your children, he was in the work force earning Social Security credits towards retirement, as well as a pension and/or 401K. You have none or little of either; he benefited by not having to use his salary to pay for child care or school tuitions. Secure your financial future now; other than your income from your blog, it seems you will not start earning a substantial salary (where you pay into SS and pension/401K) until after you finish nursing school which looks like you'll be starting in 2025. Sorry if this sounds cold-hearted, but women in your position often end up financially insecure in their later years. None of your blog friends would want to see this happen to you. You can still be nice, but don't be a doormat. Let a good lawyer take the lead in securing your rights. Thank you for letting me speak my piece!
I've been reading your blog for so many years. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'll continue to seek your wise advice on frugality and cheer you on as you maneuver through this next phase in your life. I wish you the very best and am looking forward to reading about your journey through moving and re-habbing furniture and keeping costs low and whatever else you feel comfortable sharing!
I will always stick by your side, Kristen.
this is devastating. I am so sorry. Offering up a prayer as God knows exactly what your family needs. I hope this can be a space to be a part of your healing as well.
As many others have already said...so sorry about what you're going through. Thank you for sharing, though. Although I don't know you, you seem like such a brave, kind, resourceful, and smart woman. Sending positive thoughts your way!
You have created an unusually kind and supportive blog. Reflective, I suspect, of your personality, moral compass, and faith. I joined your blog recently in hot pursuit of Anne Marie’s comments, who had mostly stopped commenting on Katy’s non-consumer blog. (Anne Marie’s sense of humor and tips are quite helpful to me. Plus over time I deduced that she lives in my “neck of the woods.”)
Others here have said very eloquently about how important this community is to us all. I would only add that should you find yourself headed for divorce, you might consider a collaborative divorce. If there are lawyers in your area trained in this approach, it can be a more “friendly” experience. You would each have a lawyer and a team consisting of a counselor/facilitator and a financial advisor. Divorce is hard work and exhausting so any approach less adversarial than the usual I found very helpful (my husband of 41 years left at the beginning of the pandemic). Sending you warm fuzzies and cat kisses.
Oh my goodness, Nancy. I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. Big hugs to you!
And yes, if this ends up heading toward divorce, I would hope we could use a mediator and save ourselves some stress and expense.
With almost 700 comments, this might get buried.
1. I’m praying for you, Mr. FG, your kids, your marriage/future, and Joshua’s situation. You’re not fighting alone.
2. I was glad to see in a later post that you have trustworthy people to talk to. It’s good to have spaces where you don’t have to stay so respectful. Where you can be raw and real in confidence.
3. I will continue to read your blog.
4. I love your spirit. Your desire to respect Mr. FG, family, and your children while also still respecting your readers.
Nope, never buried! I see all the comments as they come through on my blog's dashboard, so even on older posts, a new comment is at the top of the "pile" so to speak.
And yes, it is extremely helpful to have places where I can let it all out...places more private than the internet. 😉
Kristen, I've been following your blog for years and I'm heartbroken to hear this news! Praying for peace and the best possible outcome for all parties involved. Thank you for continuing to share your stories with us. Your blog has been a blessing.
Dearest Kristin,
I have followed your blog for years and yes, it does come as a surprise... but I completely get it. Our family has also gone through similar trials recently, but with us, it was a parent-child issue rather than a marital one.
We homeschooled our boys and we were pretty sure having one of them "go off the rails" was not going to happen to us. As you said, we threw ourselves into parenting for the past 24 years and we were positive we would be immune to the kind of trials we've had to endure, but nobody is immune to heartache and we can't control the behaviour of others... even if they are loved-ones.
My husband and I have also shed bucketloads of tears over the past couple of years. But, we have also been recipients of wonderful advice from professionals, both for ourselves and for our son. One doctor told us recently that recovery (which is similar to what you are going through now), is like walking up a saw blade. The overall trajectory is an upward climb, but each day brings its own jagged and sharp edges with slight slips backwards. The main thing to remember is that the path is going up, things are getting better, and this too shall pass.
Hugs to you and your family as you slowly recover. I can't say it enough...This too shall pass.
@Kristen... I recognize I spelled your name wrong above....but I've spelled it correctly down here, so that counts!!
❤️
My marriage ended 8 years when my husband went to work one day and never came home. Unbeknownst to me, he knocked up a girl a year older than our oldest son and went, moved in with her, and immediately had two kids with her. It took me 4 years to track him down and force a divorce upon him. We had been together for 23 years and had two kids, and everyone though we were going to be together forever LOL. Things happen, and today I’m pretty happy being single, and trying to figure out if another relationship is even a thing for me. And I kept the house, and work to keep it in great condition (what a chore!)! I’ve read your blog for over a decade, so please don’t be ashamed if things in your life didn’t go as planned! Life happens, and I promise you that no matter what - you will be okay someday! It sneaks up on you, eventually! When you least expect it! But we are here for you, and you do what is best FOR YOU! Not anyone else! And take your time! You got your kids and your family, and as long as you stay busy and have goals you should be JUST FINE!
Thank you for the honest way you approached this, while still remaining as positive as you can. I appreciate the fact that you are respectful of Mr. FG and his family members, and of course, your children. Maybe the things you learn from this experience will help others in a way that you couldn't have helped if you had not "been in their shoes". We readers respect you, and will pray for you.
Kristen, I am so sorry. I have read your blog for years and my heart breaks for you. You have such a great attitude and the way you are handling this difficult situation is very inspiring. You and your family are in my prayers. Truly! Big hug to you!
Sending hugs and calming thoughts your way. I’ve been following your for four or more years and have gotten so much from your blog. I know it wasn’t easy to reveal what is happening in your life but it does give others strength knowing we all go through tough times.
I've been reading you for years and years. I don't think I've ever commented on here. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I pray God will lead you during this difficult time. Thank you for your authenticity.
Another person with a first time comment after years of reading…I wanted to comment now for two reasons. I have always admired your blogs posts about good and services…they are so informative..I have stopped reading many blogs because of the feeling of being “sold”something…never with you…many things I use I have learned about here.
Mainly I wanted to say I admire the way you write your blog…you have an exquisite feel for sharing but not over sharing…you are in my prayers…as I read your post something a friend of mine says came to mind and I hope you will find it even a bit helpful…”Many people are living a life they didn’t choose but that doesn’t mean it cannot be filled with graciousness and wonder”
God Bless
Kristen, my heart goes out to you and I pray for your whole family each day. I believe your honesty will help so many others. No one can judge the marriage of others for only that couple and their God knows the truth of their struggles. My husband and I have been married for 33 years. We have been in ministry that whole time and few know we came close to considering divorce during two different time periods. I will continue to pray that God leads and heals each of you.❤️
I look at that last photo, and you know, I see four strong, fearless women. And that's what I'm going with! A big hug to you, Kristen. Keep taking those long walks in the woods -- they can be magically healing.
This is the last thing I expected to read. I am so sorry, prayers for you all. I also had a thought that your brother just bought that house to flip. Could you live there while he rehabs it and maybe help? Wherever you ladies land I pray it is where you should be and you are all safe.
Kristen,
I don't comment often, but I LOVE your blog! I'm a nurse (since '85). You are going to be an amazing nurse! You have made an extremely wise career choice!!!! I'm praying for you and your family.
Kristen,
I'm a long time reader and infrequent commenter, but I am so sorry to know you're going through this. As others have mentioned, you're strong, smart, and compassionate, and you will find your way through this. As someone who had serious marital problems not so long ago (about two years ago), the road can be hard to travel, but worth it. My marriage is still a work in progress, but husband and I managed to keep things together and move forward. It could have easily gone in a different direction.
Please know that I appreciate your honesty, and that we loyal readers of yours are here for you, no matter what. Hugs to you.
I have followed you for at least a decade and appreciate you being so honest and transparent. I love how you say “trials and blessings can coexist”, amen to that. Thinking of you and praying for you! And proud of you.
Kristen, sending love and prayers your way. Thank you for sharing your life, the good and the not so good with this community. Take care !
Kristen,
I am long-time reader and this is my first time commenting on a blog ever. You have been in my thoughts and prayers the past couple of days. I pray for God's comfort for your whole family.
I am thankful for you and the words that you share with us. There have been so many times through the years that a blog post by you comes through at just the right time. I specifically think of your post about why you wear a mask. I've shared it many times, because it was like you were in my head and said what I couldn't find the words to say. And although I know it was extremely hard to share what you were going through with Joshua, it came at just the right time for me as we were going through an extremely hard time with our son who was in college at the time. I cried many times over that year and a half. It helped so much to know that we weren't the only ones going through hard times with our son.
All of that leads me to this quote: "Sometimes the only way to carry a heavy burden is to share it with another." You shared yours, and it helped me. I am so thankful that you have this community that will help carry your heavy burden and that you will find that it is not quite so heavy to carry.
Kristen, I have been a faithful reader for many years, but never posted til now.
Huge gentle hugs to you as you move forward through this painful time. I was in a similar situation after 30 years of marriage. I also became an RN at 36! My thoughts are with you- please give yourself lots of grace. I believe that God means for us to be happy.
Very Sorry to read this post,... just getting to it now. You and your girls look beautiful!
Having been down this path I can only say I have some idea of how you feel. I agree with the previous comments.
Your realness is one of gifts/talents we love about you. Someplace after this grief there will be joy again.
I am so sorry to hear that. I pray that God will provide you with the clarity you need to move forward. Take Care!
Aren't God's ways interesting? My mom died Jan. 22 -- and I picked up Covid either during the visitation or her funeral days later. Then shared it, of course, with the Brick.
Maybe God did that to get me to rest and slow down. Maybe He did that for you, too. Please be patient with yourself -- you've got so many things to deal with right now (including school) that you don't have to be magical or perfect.
Just be yourself. That's what we, your readers, started reading your blog for in the first place. Don't worry about the rest for now until things calm down a bit.
Sending love and hugs to you, Kristen.
I'm sorry to hear this and my heart breaks for you. However I want to affirm (as I know you already know this) that the Lord is kind and he will faithfully lead and carry you through. My husband and I separated over a year ago and God has carried me and my girls every step of the way. It's not over yet but life is so much better. The Lord will guide you and take good care of you. I have to tell myself that all the time and remember all the ways He's provided when I am afraid and overwhelmed. But he always comes through, he never fails, he will never leave or forsake us. Hugs.
Thank you, Amy! I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this too, but I am so glad to hear that your faith is sustaining you.
Big hugs to you and your girls!
I have followed you from the start, sometimes you will pop into my mind and I come by for a visit. Your children were a little older than mine in the beginning and I liked following another home schooling parent. I can’t help, with the vulnerability in your post, but look back at more idyllic times. Almost a decade and a half later life happened to all of us… rocky relationships, medical diagnosis, loss, little children who grew into big children. Homeschools that turned into public schools, goals that turned into far away dreams, hair that took on a grey hue and frown lines that moved in with laugh lines. I am not so young anymore. I understand life a little more now. And the more we live the less we expect perfection. I still look here for inspiration. And found it again today. You are in my thoughts, with a prayer for your peace on your journey. Thank you for continuing to share.
You’re in my thoughts. I feel like COVID has been a pressure cooker for marriages. You’re a tremendous person. I hope you’re ok.
Thank you, Jen. That is so kind of you!
It took me a little while to digest this and then to read all the comments. I've never seen so many comments on any blog, which I hope lets you feel maybe a tiny bit good about how many people care and are thinking of and praying for your family. Of course, I think there are thousands more, all over the world!
I had been in a sort of similar situation a long time ago. Hardest thing ever, but I grew so much. With much work, we got the happy (not perfect, not fairy tale) ending, but I did have to prepare emotionally, financially, logistically for the opposite, which can be so confusing. I put as much as I could in my Higher Power's, God's, the universe's hands. Advice and judgment from 99% of people was very not helpful, including some close family and friends.
("God hates divorce"????) Unbelievable. This kind of thing is why organized religion hasn't helped many people. I hope I'm not being insensitive to you by saying that. I'm glad you have beliefs and support that work for you. My spiritual life grew in wonderful ways though my journey. My world got bigger and many things make sense now. Love to you and all your family!
Oh Kristen! Sorrow is a strange things, it hits you when you least expect it but life also continues on with all the emotions of life. To be able to feel all the feelings is a blessing. I do find the forest to be a place of healing. Thinking about you, thank you for sharing.
I am a brand new reader to your blog. Donna at Surviving & Thriving mentioned you, and I followed the link.
You said, "And yet, in the midst of these terrible times, I also see blessings". I can relate completely. I know for sure that in every challenge or difficult time I have ever faced in my life (and there have been some doozies), there is always, ALWAYS a gift(s) as well, if I can slow down enough to look for it. Often, the greater the challenge, the greater the gift. And for that, I am so grateful. It gives me the strength to continue to put one foot in front of the other.
May you find your gifts in your challenge.
Thank you for the kind words! I appreciate you taking the time to encourage me.
Oh Kristen I feel so bad for you and I could cry right along with you, I will
pray that God will comfort and direct you and your family. I feel like you are part of my family.
Aww, thank you so much for caring about my difficulties. That means a lot.
Bright blessings to you & your lovely family. You're in my thoughts.
I have been reading your blog for many, many years and you have been a blessing. I am holding you and all of your family close in my heart and sending much good energy, healing thoughts, love and prayers.
Sent you an e-mail earlier, but I just wanted to let you know that, despite my very infrequent posts here (and my total lack of social media presence at this point in my life!), I regularly check in here, and I'm thinking of you and praying for you. My heart is breaking for all that you've endured these last few years. I still remember, many many years later, the kind and encouraging words you shared with me after I opened up about an extremely painful, and (it felt to me) shameful, issue in my marriage. I know that this is not a decision you made lightly.
I'll be praying that, if it is possible, the Lord with restore your marriage, and that if it is not possible, he will make that clear to you and give you peace.
I'm very late to this post, I haven't kept up with the blog lately. I still wanted to extend my love and well wishes to you and your family. I'm so glad you have family who can give you support during this challenging time. I hope you will take all the time you need. Hugs from Wisconsin!
Thank you so much!
This is a phase and this too shall pass.
Sending thoughts of positivity, prayers, strength and hope for happiness your way!!!
Thank you!
I am very sad that you have had to go through this. But, for the record, I have been there, done that!! I am now 78 and I can say for a fact, because I lived it, that “you and your kids will be ok!! God is with you, He is taking care of you, He will help you grow, and He will fill your lives with blessings!” Hang in there, never give up, keep praying, and keep following Him!!!
Thank you so much for the encouragement. 🙂
Thoughts and Prayers for you!
I am so sorry to read this (a couple months later, but still....). I can only imagine how much thought went into your decision, and then all the logistics that follow. Praying this new chapter brings you all the blessings! I always have enjoyed your posts, and appreciate your honesty.
Dear Kristen, thank you for sharing your life with us. You're doing exactly what you need to do for you. Smile, and then cry when you need, but smile--you have a beautiful smile and you are totally worth a wonderful life. Hugs!! 🙂
Hi Kristen,
Just catching up on your emails as they go to an old address (need to change that!)
I had to leave 12 years ago and felt like my heart was ripping out but knew I had to do it
to take care of myself as the road I was on was not good. I don't know your details, but for me, Al-Anon was a live saver. I learned to do what was good for me and to look for the positive. It took time but life got better. My faith and friends were so important on my journey. Looking back, I am constantly reminding myself about how right my choices were when I left.
I don't know if you'll get this as I'm adding it to an old email. One day at a time, and prayers for you and the kids.
Aww, thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I get 'em all in my blog dashboard, so never fear, I always see them!
I'm so glad that things have turned out well for you; I hold on to faith that the same will be true for me too.
I am a recent fan of your blog. Reading it makes me know that I would like having you and your girls as friends and neighbors. You all sound so nice. But maybe you are too nice? I don’t understand how you have had to completely outfit your new home from scratch. Why Were you not able to take some basic items from the place you left? That seems to be an acceptable move….it sounds as if you pretty much left with nothing more than the clothes on your backs. You surely were entitled to take some basic items you would need.
I did take some things; if there were two cookie sheets, I took one, for instance.
But the long and short of it is this: I am the more frugal of the two of us. If I take something and he has to replace it, he will most likely spend more money than I will. In the end, this only hurts me, because that leaves less money to split in the eventual divorce.
So, I think it makes more sense for me to obtain free/cheap things to outfit my house. Yes, it's more work for me, but in the end, it keeps overall costs down.
And you are not the first person to tell me I might be too nice. lol
You will get thru this no matter what the out come and you will be better because of this. I went thru a divorce and there are ups and downs.. hang in there you will get thru and be happy again.Hugs to you and your girls… I can’t believe how big they have gotten. I am a long time follower but have been away for awhile.
I've been down the separation and divorce path. Not fun. I may have some experience to help you. It does seem you are "together" and making the right moves.
Thank you! And I'm sorry to hear you've been down this road too.
I was thinking about you today and came back to check on your blog; I didn't realize it's been a whole year since this announcement. I hope you're well. You are a strong woman and I appreciate you sharing your life with us.
I can hardly believe it's been a year either! And thank you for the encouragement.
So sorry you find yourself in this position!!! I too finally left a marriage after 35 1/2 years and we too seperated one time few years before our final. I too went back to school....best thing I ever did. Actually started school during the first separation and somehow knew not to give it up when we reunited....Thank our Lord!!!!! I found it takes much longer to move past the abundant grief and terror than most say. May God keep his and on you all the way!!!! One thing I am going to share.,....PLEASE educate yourself fully on the sepration and divorce laws in your state. In particular those of Equitable Distribution!!! I learned that VERY few attorneys really take an interest and just want you to "horse trade" as one said to me. Do not settle for attorney who is not really in this to help you and for your own safety sake........learn Everything possible as I said. Hope there is a law library near you,. I had a wonderful friend who had done just this and took me under her wing and walked through all learning process with me. I let three attorney's go before finally finding one....who took me on pay later basis........I know a miracle. And about broke....but determined to not just give up. But the decisions you make will impact you and your children for the rest of your and their lives. You can not see what the future holds for you or for them. And not to sound hard...but it is typically the mother who really stands by children after divorce. Thoughts and prayers. Gaye
You can contct me if so desire at below e-mail. God Bless and Keep You!!!!!
Thanks for being real. I am sure this decision was difficult. Do know you have support for what ever decisions you make for you and your children. Even after 52 years, I remember how hard nursing school was for me at 18. You have the added stress of your other role of Mom. Prayers are with you for strength as your journey continues