"Please write more about the bad stuff in your life."
I was sorting through the 2015 reader survey results again the other day, and I noticed that several people said they'd like to hear more about the bad stuff that goes on in my life.
This is always a hard issue for me to grapple with as a blogger. How much do I share? How much do I keep private?
I really would love to be able to talk about more of the hard things on my blog. I'd love to be more transparent, to let you see more of what goes on in my heart and in my life, and I would if this was an anonymous venting space.
But I'm not anonymous, and lots of people I know in real life read my blog, including, most importantly, the people who live at my house.
Because of that, there's a limit to what I can say.
Plus, there's this difficulty: a lot of the hard things in my life are not just my story. They're my kids' stories or a friend's story or a relative's story too, and I can't tell my part without telling everyone else's parts too.
I want to treat people in my life the way I want to be treated.
If my husband had a blog, would I want him to write about a situation in which I was being really frustrating?
If my kids wrote personal blogs, would I want them to share something negative about me?
If I was involved in a hard situation, would I want someone to share my part of the story without asking me?
Nope to all of those.
It's not that my husband is always delightful or that my children are always delightful...it's that I don't feel like it's my place to share about their less-delightful times.
It's a tricky place to be.
I really, really want you all to know that I'm human and that things don't always work out perfectly in my life and that I have scars from the past and that marriage and mothering are hard for me too, but I just don't know how to share a whole lot of those details without being disrespectful to the people in my life.
I do try to share as openly as I can when I'm talking about my own flaws and failings, but even those sometimes those end up not being just my story!
And I try to share things like my house messes and food waste issues and lice infestations and such.
But there is always a limit to how much I can share with the internet at large, and I don't think there's any way around that.
If I was having coffee with you or you were in my small group, it'd be different. But on the internet, there's no way to know who is reading my words, and I've got to exercise more restraint.
So.
When you read my blog or see my Instagram feed, know that what you're seeing is only a part of the whole picture.
We're all hot messes in our own special ways, and we all have lives that are messy in their own special ways...you, me, and everyone else!
Even if not all of that mess is publicly visible.
So, maybe just keep that in mind that on the days when it seems like I live a perfectly charmed life.
And I promise I'll keep trying to do my best to present as accurate a picture of my life as I can while still showing love and respect to my family and friends.
I don't blame you at all Kristin. I'm a very private person myself. And the bottom line is that you write things that fulfill the purpose of your blog--frugality. Really, no one can ask for more than that. 🙂
You have clear priorities which are respectable and necessary, and I applaud you for your personal clarity and honesty.
It is difficult to be human and in a world of many other humans, but we--and most honorably you as seen by your essay above--continue to find it worthwhile to give our best effort for our families and the world.
Thank you for everything you aspire to be and for what you are to your readers, Kristen. Love, Gail
Last week I didn't get my newspaper column written for this exact reason. I had a rough draft, but then I kept wondering if my children would be upset by it. I figured if I wasn't sure, I would err on the side of caution and scrap the column. The column isn't a job, and my family is my priority. It does make writing a family column difficult sometimes.
In the end, I guess there's enough negativity out there (and in our own lives). I like reading uplifting. If I read too much complaining, I start complaining more.
I can't express how wonderful it is that you see the need to keep certain things from public scrutiny for your family! Thank you for taking your roles of woman/wife/mother/friend/etc. seriously!
So often I see photos on fb or read things online where people are sharing horrendous - or even just embarrassing - things about their spouses or children in a way that makes me cringe for their feelings and future selves. Once it's out there - it's out there forever!
Blessings on the journey!
A precious post couldn't have said it more eloquently.
Kudos! We all have to know that what bloggers share with us is just a small slice of life, not the whole picture. When we get caught up seeing people's "perfect" lives online and then end up feeling bad about our own lives we need to step back a realize everyone is human. With human frailties just like us.
Thank you for your honesty.
Elegantly put.
I think your response is so very reflective of the way you present your blog. I don't have a blog but if I did I would probably feel the way you discussed today. You are the Frugal Girl not the Tell the World Everything That Happens in My Life Girl. Please keep blogging away - you & Katy of the NCA are my favorite bloggers on the net! I learn so much from both of you every day!
I find it funny that this came up in your reader survey. I think you do share a glimpse of reality with photos of your messy kitchen or piles of laundry. Those photos are more than most bloggers are sharing. It's admirable that you respect your loved ones and value your relationships more than writing something that could be hurtful to them on your blog.
Also, I agree with Jody, I want to read positive writing and see beautifully styled photos. If I want to see a messy house I can just look around my own home 😉
I think a blogger can be authentic without sharing all the nitty-gritty details of their personal life, and I feel that you are a good example of this. I do not expect people to share personal details of their lives on such a wide platform as a blog. There are problems that come with sharing too much also.
Beautifully put! And as someone else said I feel like you do share the mess. It's one of the reasons I like your blog. When you showed us your laundry room and it wasn't a beautifully decorated room it made me smile because that's how mine looks. It also made me feel ok for not decorating ours 🙂
Life online can be frustrating. When you talk about the positives you get accused of glossing over the negatives. When you talk about the negatives you are told to stop complaining (or are accused of being a downer.) It's enough to make one want to not do anything.
I have a six month old, a messy house and maybe get 3-4 hours of sleep at night. It's sometimes nice to see that I'm not the only one who struggles with being a parent but I also want to see that there are good times to look forward to.
A happy balance is hard to find! And really, no matter what you say, there will be a group of people that are unhappy, so trying to make everyone happy is a losing battle.
Hang in there! There are upsides and downsides to every stage of parenting that I've been through so far, but the future stages of parenthood that await you? They contain more sleep! 🙂 And more sleep makes everything feel better.
A lot of the previous comments have shared how I feel. I've been reading your blog for YEARS and have never felt that you are anything but genuine. You write with clarity and positivity which is why I keep coming back. I think you share a great deal about your family and it has been fun watching your kids grow up. We come to this blog to learn from you, not to listen to you complain. I personally find this blog invaluable and it gives me hope that once my small children are a bit older I can focus on more reading and such (I revisit old posts for more perspective on my current situation). Your readers are just as important and I appreciate that they are so helpful and positive. I read your post first thing in the morning and then later in the evening to read the comments. Thanks!
My respect for you just grew by leaps and bounds. In a world full of uncomfortable (to me) over sharing it is great to see someone willing to set boundaries.
Yours is a very wise approach. I think boundaries, especially as far as the Internet at large are concerned, are a needed think when it's about your family/and not just you!
You are such a bright light on the Internet. Such good humor, so intelligent, thoughtful, and clever. I appreciate what you share, and I do feel it it is really Kristen coming through, not a perfect, disembodied voice from a blog. It's been my experience that simple living/frugality bloggers are the most honest about their day to day life. All those very stylalized "mommy blogs" are not my cup of tea!
I applaud your respect for boundaries for your family and friends. I wasn't one of the survey commenters, but I am thinking they weren't looking for personal bad stuff so much as the frugal bad stuff - washer breaks, car trouble, vacation expenses under-estimated. My guess is that as you've gotten to more solid financial footing that these kinds of troubles are no longer the financial catastrophe they used to be but readers who are still struggling might be looking for that perspective? Just a thought. Have a great week! I always enjoy your blog.
Ah, that's an interesting thought. I'll have to go back and reread the survey comments to see if that's possibly what they meant.
I totally don't mind sharing stuff like the rodents chewing my car wires, or my appliances breaking, or the fact that we're late starting on retirement savings...airing that kind of thing publicly doesn't bother me at all. It's just the personal and relational stuff that I'm hesitant to share.
I was pondering this some more (rather than working on my menu plan/grocery list!), and your food waste posts used to have some "fails" in there. Food is on my brain and is a likely target for failure for me - too much waste or I cook a meal that totally sucks and no one likes it!
My recent big purchase fail is coffee related. I work from home and am a one cup a day drinker. My husband gets his coffee at the office except on the weekends. A Keurig was a good solution for us, but I really love lattes and wanted the ability to easily brew one at home so I researched and saved up and finally bought a Nespresso Vertuoline machine when I was able to stack a 20% coupon on top of a good sale after our Keurig started to fail. I thought this would be a win-win because my husband could have his preferred regular coffee and I could make lattes at home. Well, $200+ and one year later, I love the lattes but we both hate the coffee. It comes out with a weird creamy foam on top that makes it difficult to see if you have the right cream proportions and has kind of bitter taste and only brews one size cup. The pods are also a lot more expensive than the k-cups and you have to order them direct in 50 pod increments and pay shipping. My research didn't extend that far I guess. I've been kicking around buying another low end Keurig to pull out when we want regular coffee. Total fail. 🙁
You might look into a french press as a temporary solution. You would also have to stock ground coffee, but they are very inexpensive and the coffee is the best. We have several friends who have purchased one after having coffee at our house.
Hi Kristen, I just wanted to echo Susan's comment... If I had been one of the folks who requested more posts about the bad stuff (which I wasn't), I don't think I would have meant sharing family issues, interpersonal frustrations, etc... basically things that are definitely not anyone's business but yours/your family's. I wholeheartedly agree that your blog isn't a good place for you to vent private matters. Possibly these people just wanted to see some day to day hiccups? For instance: frugality attempts gone wrong, new recipes that turned out horrible (or maybe that never happens with Cook's Illustrated? haha), something you knew you shouldn't buy but just couldn't help yourself, bad hair days, lol... you get the idea. You do just seem to really have your ducks in a row (not that that's a bad thing!), so it's possible that some of your readers wonder if you ever do the things we're all guilty of, or struggle with the same stuff everyone deals with. Just my two cents. Great post; I really appreciate your approach to your blog!! I've been a faithful reader since about 2010 or 11, and I still read daily!
I agree with your position on this. Replace "bad stuff" with "mistakes" and that can be as useful as your other posts (and not necessarily negatively affect those in your life). Learning from others' mistakes is as valuable (if not more valuable) than learning about their successes.
That's true, and I don't think I mind sharing about mistakes so much. It's more that I don't feel comfortable sharing personal wounds, frustrations with the people that I love, etc. Though I suppose interpersonal mistakes would still fall under the too-private-to-share umbrella most of the time.
I read your blog because of your honesty.
Personal wounds are tough to share. I write a semi-anonymous blog and started a blog just to document the tough couple of months I have had recently and yet find myself unable to truly talk about it because it is so sensitive.
This is great - you don't have to have everything out there. No one should. I've been reading and lurking for a while and I know that you don't force yourself to create a front that seems magazine picture perfect all the time. You are a person and as all people, we deserve to keep our private lives private. And sometimes I think we should keep more things private.
Less related, the best piece of marriage advice I ever got was when someone told me that the only person I should complain about my husband to is directly to him - and not even to complain to my parents or closest friends. (I am speaking about everyday complaining, not abuse) I think that is related in that if you were to come on the blog and jabber about your problems, it would make struggles even harder at home.
In my less than rational or logical states of mind (which sometimes feels all the time), I wish I could have the "perfect" life you seem to have. But then I rein in my brain and know that no one has a perfect, all-the-time perfect life.
But I also have come to rely on being able to come to this blog and see a little sunshine. I have always valued this blog for the positiveness. Thank you so ever much.
Thank you so much for sharing this; it's so beautiful and so true. I just started my own blogging journey, and it's been difficult to know where to draw the line with sharing, especially when it comes to details about my family. While I understand people wanting to hear the negative aspects of your life for a more well-rounded picture, I applaud your decision to stay positive and maintain your privacy. 🙂
I suspect that some people enjoy schadenfreude too much.
But I'm going to hope that Susan is right and people don't want to read about interpersonal drama (if they are, there are *plenty* of trainwreck blogs to read that I tell myself are actually just performance art and not actually people creating their own drama), but about the kind of mistakes that constructive lessons can be taken from.
Starting retirement savings late is an important one that a lot of lessons can be taken from!
I suppose I should have said this in the original post, but at least one of the reader feedback comments mentioned that they'd like to hear more about bad things that happen with my kids. So, that's why I went the direction I did with this post.
On the retirement savings front: I look back and man, I'm not sure what I'd have done differently! We worked really hard to stay out of debt, and were successful at that, but there was just nothing left to go into a retirement savings account. Had the internet really been in full swing back then, I could have started earning some money that way, but that was back in the days of dial-up.
Things got better once Mr. FG moved into the IT world, but again, that couldn't have happened much earlier because the field he's now in didn't even exist.
Oof.
But I figure we can't change the past and all we can do is take advantage of the higher income we have now. We can use our frugal mojo to avoid spending all of the new, higher income, and work hard at making up for lost time.
Most people start saving for retirement "late", so knowing what to do when that happens is important.
On the upside, when you've lived on a low income for a lot of years, then when you DO finally get to a higher income level, it's a fairly easy task to sock away a lot of that money into savings. All those frugal skills come in handy!
Maybe they wanted to hear about frugality and kids. So, how do you get kids on board? What do you do when they are not? Otherwise, none of their business. Haha
You are so wise Kristen.
There is so much negativity if life, that I love that your blog is pleasant and upbeat. It helps remind me to be cheerful and look for positive intent.
YES to the above comments. No need to change. Lurve 🙂 the blog just.as.it.is.
Wow! "Bad stuff?" Rather a dark request. There is enough "bad stuff" in the news...too much in fact. Keep up the happy advise and success stories...much more useful.
Kristen, you are so right. Over the years I have had a lot of very real, very painful things that the Lord brought me through and I would have loved to share them in order to help others. But my deeper concern was that, while helping strangers, I would be setting my loved ones up for fallout and hurt feelings. So, I have refrained from doing it. Their feelings matter so much I dare not put them at risk.
♥Sinea
Well said! 🙂
Kristen, I appreciate your sensitivity, positivity, and honesty in
handling so many issues. You tend to take the high road and that
is a beautiful thing.
I enjoy reading your blog, seeing pictures of your beautiful family,
and watching as your children have grown up.
In many cases the internet has allowed people to become mean, overly
critical, and negativity has flourished and I find that to be really disheartening.
Thank you for your thoughtful, sensitive, and unself-centered writing
and handling of issues.
Thank you for sharing. My 15 year old and I talk about this all the time: once you put it out there on the internet, it can never be taken back...so no stories about partying, drinking, doing bad stuff. It can come back to haunt you when you are looking for a job in the future & yes, HR departments do google candidate's names.
You are the first blog I ever read...way back when I was first discovering blogs and was looking for inspiration about simplicity and frugal living....I have been a faithful reader ever since! I think that bloggers are quite generous in sharing about themselves and their lives. I don't think you are ever under any obligation to share anything that you don't want to. And I very much respect your right to privacy and the privacy of your family. I love the pleasant stories of everyday life! These are the things I try to be grateful for in my own daily life. Don't change a thing...I think you are doing great!
Especially in this age of information overload, it is important to show respect for others. Not only are you drawing sensitive boundaries around your family, but you are also teaching your children to respect the feelings of others. Smart woman!
I love the positive vibe of your blog. I wouldn't want to read a whiny one.
it would be interesting to know WHY those readers want to hear the bad news.
Please don't change!
I imagine it's probably because when we're struggling, we want to know that we are not the only ones. I completely understand that desire, because I'm not immune to it!
But as I said in another comment, I think that desire is probably best fulfilled with real-life relationships, where it's safe to be vulnerable and open. I have a small group of friends that function like that for me, and I wish that everyone could experience that!
I agree with the others who think the readers probably meant frustrations and hassles related to the focus of your blog rather than interpersonal struggles.
Some of the others were less specific, but I know at least one of the comments specifically mentioned wanting to know about things that are hard with my family. And that's come up in the comments before too, so I know it's something people have wanted to hear more about.
Which I totally understand, because when things are hard in your own family, it's tough to look at what seems like a perfect family! I've been there myself. But I just cannot figure out a good and respectful way to handle this differently, so I've tried to make peace with the fact that you all are probably just going to think more highly of my husband and kids than is completely realistic. 😉
Your family is the first priority. I think it's wonderful that you are so proud of your children and that you speak highly of them. Too often we just read parents' frustrations with their kids. My parents were always very complimentary of my brother and me and I think that gave us a good sense of self-worth. We knew our parents held us in high regard and that kept us in line. We didn't want them to think less of us or to lose their trust.
If somebody feels badly after reading a blog, it's not the fault of that blog. It's possible that person has unrealistic expectations of themselves and needs to scale them back, and it's also possible that maybe their feeling bad is a bit of conviction that they need to make some changes. I read a few homeschooling blogs, and on occasion I'll read something that does make me feel badly. Sometimes it's simply unrealistic expectations: what I can do as a mom of four kids, three of whom are very young, who also works a part-time job looks differently than what a mom with two older kids who is a full-time homemaker and homeschooler can do, and that's okay. But, honestly, at times I really do need to make changes: we need to get outside more, we need to scale back on screen time, we need to get started earlier in the morning, we need to not make being in our PJs at 3 p.m. a regular thing. My bad choices and habits are not the fault of the blogger, and I'm usually glad to have a little kick-in-the-butt reminder that I need to get certain things back on track, and am better served by that than by having my bad habits validated. I can't imagine why I'd read a homeschooling blog by a person who was consistently making what seemed to me to be poor choices except for the schadenfreude, and that wouldn't be a very good reason!
I think it's really easy to roll your eyes at the blogger who says that, when she sees her messy house, she feels grateful for having a family that makes the mess. That's my first reaction, too. But, honestly, I need a little more of that attitude than I do of the hundreds of FB memes about how terrible housework is. I certainly think people should have room to be as real as they want, but nobody is or should be under any obligation to reveal anything about their lives they don't want to reveal. If we want to just feel better about the way we are currently living our lives, there are any number of reality shows we can watch that will let us do that. It's not the job of a homeschooling blogger to make us feel better about our being less dedicated than we feel we should, or a homemaking blogger to make us feel better about our messy home, or a frugal blogger to make us feel better about our bad spending choices. Certainly nobody expects to go to the doctor and be made to feel good about smoking or eating a lot of junk food or not exercising!
I don't know, I just think we need to move away from this idea that it's the job of the internet to make us feel good about ourselves and validate our life choices. It's not, and even if it was, it wouldn't work. Keep doing what you are doing. If somebody feels badly after reading your blog, maybe they have unrealistic expectations they need to check (I personally love how peaceful your homeschool pictures look, but I recognize that, at the age my kids are, that's just not in the realm of possibility for us right now) or maybe they need to own up to some bad choices they have made (if I feel some guilt after reading your grocery spending for the week because we've been eating 4 meals out every week because of poor planning or poor time management on my part, that's on me!), but it's not your job to air you or your family's personal struggles so that a reader will feel better about themselves, especially since that won't work anyway.
What a sweet post. It's interesting how we are so curious about the lives of public people. Me included! I applaud the reasoning behind your decision. This just makes me wish I could meet you in real life. 🙂
Who is Katy of the NCA? If you and she are a readers favorite bloggers, I'd like to check her blog out too. Christie
Good grief- what an ugly typo! Can't even figure out how to edit it either. Oh well.
Katy is Katy Wolk-Stanley. Her blog is The Non Consumer Advocate. She and Kristen are kindred spirits, IMO.
And the typo thing gets me, too. I think people are (sadly) getting used to trying to fill in the correct word. I'm a terrible typist all on my own, but autofill helps me reach new depths. I do like it when a blog provides comment editing.
I don't know how to add a feature for people to edit their comments! But I fixed your typo for ya. 🙂
This is Katy's blog: http://thenonconsumeradvocate.com/ I think you will enjoy it because you enjoy this one.
One of the things that I enjoy about your blog is that although life in not perfect, you seem to highlight the silver linings of things without being negative. I personally hate to read blogs where it's all about how terrible the kids are or how unsupportive the spouse is or how mothering sucks.
There are plenty of blogs out there that do that for readers that want that "real life" picture but truth be told, "real life" is also about enjoying those brief moments of happiness.
I agree that this post has balance, what with things like mishaps and frugal fails along with successes and frugal tips. I find it to be just right -- inspirational, yet real.
So, a recipe didn't work out but a birthday party did. An appliance quit, but a kid had a success in schoolwork. I think it evens out.
Well, I have to say I'm utterly disappointed that you're not perfect, I thought everybody that had blogs or instagram was tip-top all of the time! This was a lovely post and serves to remind us that we don't have to share everything, especially when it concerns those around us. Keep doing what you're doing ♥
(I was being sarcastic, I don't know if that came across!!)
Hey Christie, This comment is from NCA Katy. She's very funny too!
Haha, nope, it's a different Katy! There must be two funny Katys who read my blog.
When I saw this later in the day, I knew there must be another funny Katy. In fact, this whole conversation is even funnier when you see the topic of today's NCA post.
http://thenonconsumeradvocate.com/screen-free-week-2016/
Totally did! It's all good. Although one time someone did leave a sincere comment for me along those lines when I wrote a post about some things I don't do, or a list of some failings of mine.
Katy here, the French one (I normally add "France" to my name to avoid confusion, but I forgot this time!). I've followed your blog for years and we have occasionally exchanged tweets 🙂 I rarely leave messages, just on posts like this where I feel that a touch of moral support is needed, people are often quick to complain and yet we forget to praise those we care about too, so I like to pop in and say 'you're right!' occasionally!
Aww, you are so kind! Thank you.
I love, love, love this post. Thanks.
Yes, I Highly agree very Nicely put.
It must be tough to be a blogger in the age of reality tv. The whole point of reality tv is to show what a mess other people are and make viewers feel good about themselves. Luckily for us your work is uplifting and not about tearing yourself down. There is always someone out there who wants to bring you to their level of negativity. Don't sweat 'em.
I didn't get the sense from the reader comments that they necessarily wanted to bring me down...I think it was more about wanting me to share an accurate picture of my life (a desire I completely understand). I know what it feels like to want to know that I'm not the only one struggling, but I think that need probably is best fulfilled with real life relationships; it's not something that can be done really well via a blog.
Kristen your blog is wonderful just as it is. You seem to have found the perfect balance of what to reveal and what to keep private. You seem like someone I could have a cup of coffee with, along with Katy. Why? Because you both come across as "real women" with real families! Keep up the good work sweetie!
I had not realized this before, but I think I read your blog precisely because it is so positive and encouraging. You are "cheerfully living on less," cheerful being the operative word here. I certainly don't mind when you share hard things, but I know no everyone has their share of troubles and I would not want you to betray your family's privacy to satisfy the curiosity of your readers. I think your blog is fantastic just as it is.
I'm so glad that the cheerful vibe is workin' for you. 🙂
I wasn't one of the commenters who requested more "bad" stuff, but I think I can see where they are coming from. You DO tend to make your life seem pretty darn near perfect. There have been times that I have been tempted to unfollow your blog because of the "perfectness" that you present your life as, but then I realize I would miss the recipes and grocery spending posts.
I think you could definitely be more "real" without putting your family and their weaknesses on full blast. I have never seen a post from you that said you were having a crummy day, so you left dinner up to your husband and went out for some alone time. Or how about a girl's night out - do you do that? Ever leave dinner and bedtime up to your husband so that you can do dinner/drinks and de-stress for a few hours with some girlfriends? Ever feed your kids cereal for dinner because you just can't get your act together that day?
I'm thinking those people who commented are probably just having trouble relating because I don't know anyone in real life who makes breakfast/lunch/dinner every single day or is happy-go-lucky every single day or who just never needs a break from all of it.
Funnily enough, when I read your comment, I thought of this post from 2010! https://www.thefrugalgirl.com/2010/11/i-shouldnt-be-doing-this/ But that WAS quite a few years ago, so you might not have been a reader then.
I think one of my hangups about posting specifically about a bad day is that quite often, a kid issue is the cause of a really bad day, and if they were to see me mention the badness of the day on my blog, they'd know that I was referencing them, even if I was vague about it. This was less difficult to do when they were younger and didn't read my blog (which is perhaps why that post is from 2010! 🙂 )
I just really, really don't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel like they're an unwelcome burden, you know?
I'm so sorry that your experience of reading my blog has been the way that it is. I really don't want it to be that way, and I'll continue to keep an eye out for imperfections that I can share while still being respectful of my family.
Well, if you had one bad day 6 years ago, I guess you have it all down. Most of us will never know that type of "perfect little world".
Saturday I had a crappy day, my kids were just not pleasant to deal with, my nerves were shoy, so when my husband came home from work, I turned it over to him. I met a girlfriend for dinner, we had a few drinks and then went and browsed around some thrift stores. I went home long after they were all in bed and I didn't have any more mom/wife duties for the day.
In your book, I am probably a lousy Mom for not making dinner for/with my kids, cleaning up after dinner and being in bed by 8:30 with my husband!
Oh dear, no, I didn't mean that I'd only had one bad day in the last 6 years. I just happened to remember blogging about that one.
I am so sorry that you had an awful day on Saturday! I think going out with your girlfriend for dinner and thrifting was a great way to decompress and it's great that your husband was supportive of that. I'd never think you were a crappy mom for doing that. Being a mom is hard work, the little kid years are especially exhausting (I'm gathering that your kids are young?), and getting a break is a lovely idea.
I bet you felt like a new person after getting to decompress and were a better mom for taking a break. All good in my book (not that my opinion is the marker of whether you're a good mom or not!)
She sounds like a nutter criticizing your life and wishing it weren't so "perfect". You'd do better to ignore that sort- they are never happy and use comparison to cut people down rather than improving their own lives. What a drag! Just do you and share what you like! If she unfollows, truly, no loss. Lol
I'm sure she's just a tired, discouraged mama who is having a hard time. And tired, discouraged moms need love, I think. (plus some breaks. and encouragement.)
We've had quite a few posts (quite recently since it seems to be a blog thing going around and also in the past when it was a forum thing going around) talking about how we don't understand this kind of attitude. It seems so crabs in a bucket.
And honestly, some people really do have good lives. Wanting them to pretend they have bad lives or to manufacture drama isn't going to make the crabs in the bucket actually feel better long-term. Much better long-term to try to figure out how to get out of the bucket.
It's like, I don't want to make things worse for people who are so obviously unhappy with their lives, but at the same time, I don't think complaining about people who are doing well to I dunno, try to make them feel bad about having good lives(?) is particularly productive.
Mmm... that strikes me as odd, people wanting to "read about the bad stuff in your life". Why??? Feeding on the negativity?? Personally I love the upbeat/positive vibe of your blog. I am all for honesty, but no need to see someone go through though times to feel better about my own life. Just read the news people, it's all layed out there!! Keep up the good work, your blog is great as it is!
I think it's just wanting to know that other people struggle too. I think it's an honest desire, and one that's not necessarily bad. When things are hard, you wonder if you're the only one who is having a hard time. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me?
And I really wish that there was a way for me to share more of that part of my life. Like, I love being able to help other distraught parents in the comments on my lice thread...it makes me so glad to be able to tell people, "Hey, you're not alone, it's ok to freak out, and you're going to get through this! Hang in there!"
Sharing about lice (with my kids' permission) is one thing, but sharing about a terrible homeschooling day or a day where I just feel completely defeated as a mother is different.
You do a fantastic job of showing us some less-than-perfect parts of your life, but never in a hurtful or disrespectful way. You wrote a post after Sonia had that scare with her eye. You wrote about Sonia and Zoe's challenge in finding a color for their room. You responded to a comment one time by sympathizing with a fellow mother about how tough the whining stage of childhood can be and how you remembered that phase with your kids. And of course, like others have said (and like you said in the post), you show us pictures of your messy house on occasion. Your blog is not a relationship blog or an online support group. It's a frugality blog, and it's a good one! We don't need to know the ins and outs of your family's personal struggles in order to be frugal 🙂
I have to tell you I am thoroughly relieved by your response. Seriously, I certainly do NOT want your blog to get like "reality TV drama queen crap". Surely we have more than enough of that to deal with! I so do not want your cheery attitude, optimistic outlook and positive thinking changed in any way. It's what I come here for to be quite frank and honest. I know everyone has trouble in their lives, but so many of us increase it by letting too much out in the open internet-wise--believe me I know! I have several family and friends who just...well, let's just say we do not want that to happen to you. Thank you for what you do tell us. It's quite enough for most of us. Blessings to you and yours! 🙂
Hi Kristen, great post! I think you do a really good job of balance in your writing. It is a frugality blog after all. I do enjoy reading about what you care to share about your family but it makes complete sense that you need to have a middle ground in what you say about private stuff. I have to admit something, sometimes I find myself feeling a bit jealous of you. Isn't that awful? I have been divorced & widowed, never had kids although I wanted them, I just really wanted a different life than what I ended up with but I try to remember that many people in the world have much worse lives than I do. People in 3rd world countries etc. I have many blessings. Things just sometimes don't go the way we thought they would. But that's up to God & there is a reason for everything. Anyway, I'm always glad to read your blog & hear about what you can share. Thank you.
Aww, much love to you! I totally understand feeling jealous, because I experience the same thing sometimes when I look at other people's lives. It's a common thing, I think.
Eww.. That's nobody's business. Only write what makes you feel comfortable and don't let pathetic souls who revel in others pain force you to overshare. They will never be satisfied anyway.
I definitely respect the thoughts you expressed here. I appreciate your honesty about being human and having trials, but more importantly how to be filled with gratitude and cheerfulness through it all. Thank you for the positive message, especially concerning marriage and family!
Kristen
Thank you for respecting your family's privacy. In this age when too many people share way too much, and put others at risk, and not just of embarassment, it is refreshing to have someone say: Sorry, but there are lines and I don't cross them.
There are blogs that discuss tough topics and hopefully the people who create them do not use their actual identities. Posting something once on the Web means posting it forever and given how people choose to act, you never know how even seemingly innocent pieces of information can be used to harm someone personally or professionally.
It's natural to want to share certain things, but as you said, a small group offline is NOT the same as posting (anything) online.
Thank you for your blog and sharing what you do.
Thank you for pointing me toward the NCA blog. I love it already!
And thanks for fixing my typo, Kristen. Lol
This is such a pleasant little community here. I always leave this blog with a smile on my face.
Love your blog Kristen and I think you do a fantastic job of "keeping it real" while respecting the privacy of your family and friends. I don't blog but have faced this issue with my family. My son is adopted and we are a multi-racial family. I am often asked questions about my son or his adoption. While I welcome the opportunity to give folks information about adoption, some things are very private and some things are just not mine to share. I will sometimes respond to those somewhat uncomfortable questions with a question of my own...."Why do you ask?". I think that helps the person asking to recognize that they are being intrusive ("uhhh....because I am nosey"?!?). But it has also on several occasions opened up a dialogue with someone who is really just wanting to know about our adoption experience because they are considering adoption. Not at all blog related but in a nutshell I'm trying to say I get where you are coming from and I think you do a great job!
I have been following you blog for a few years now, and it's one of two or three I do read almost daily. I'll second what many others have said - you have struck a good balance between sharing bits of your life with all of the frugal living information, as well as between being "real" and maintaining respect for your loved ones by not oversharing.
There seems to be a lot of pressure in our society to share everything with everyone - for non-bloggers such as myself, it is mostly contained to, "Why do you never post/share photos on Facebook?" But the pressure on any "public" figure is crazy!
I'm glad you are writing about boundaries - I think it is something people need a reminder about once in awhile, especially on the internet. That what anyone puts on social media or blogs is not the whole picture, and that's fine - we shouldn't be obliged to share everything, particularly when it involves others.
You're awesome and thank you for sharing all of your great frugal tips and adventures with us over the years!
And your blog, not "you" blog! Hahaha The one time I don't proofread...
Very well said. I know I quite enjoy your blog and how you present things and how you respect yourself and others. The only thing I miss is food waste Fridays.
You wrote your thoughts with class! I don't know why some people would demand things like that. Airing dirty laundry on internet will trigger cyberbullying, and when people learn bad things about you, it'll be on the internet forever. For example, I blogged about our credit card debts not because to embarrass ourselves (even though it's really embarrassing!), but to inspire other people on how we paid it off. There are limitations when it comes to blogging, but to satisfy someone's demand at the expense of your loved ones is not worth it.
Interesting that people are wanting to hear more about the bad stuff in your life. I have never assumed you had a perfect life, as none of us do, but instead have always appreciated that you try to keep this an upbeat blog. You have shared on occasion when you have had a crazy or extremely busy week. To me that says that life is not perfect for you and you don't feel like this is the place to share the details. This post is yet another reason that I love your blog. You seem to live a life with intention and purpose and have a tremendous amount of respect and love for your friends and family.
Your post was beautifully written, honest, tactful and respectful of your family. Bravo! I was very impressed. Your blog is always one of my daily treats, and today you did not disappoint! Thanks for being here, and thanks for the budget and shopping tips as well. We have a brand new Aldi's here now, and it is such fun to explore it after reading about it on your blog!
What a thoughtful,well written post.
I didn't read all the comments so possibly someone else has said this. I suspect when you live a disciplined, frugal life style, there aren't so many bad things that happen. Life is just more stable. Also, by homeschooling, you avoid all the drama that goes on at school. I am ambivalent about homeschooling, so I don't necessarily think that is the way to go, but I still think that life would be less turbulent by doing it. Having a responsible husband goes a long way, too. A lot of people for one reason or another have conditions in their lives that don't lend themselves to tranquility.
This is so interesting, because I always have felt Kristen is a "real person", relatable, not "famous" like other bloggers have become.
Gotta give you my $.02 on this. I've read your blog for years, and I don't recall ever having been frustrated by your lack of familial problems. If anything, your "have lemons, make lemonade" approach to life is encouraging, and quite possibly has fostered the same type of attitude in my own life. Sort of taught me to roll with the punches a little bit more, which is something that I am not naturally inclined to do. In my opinion, we are bombarded with the bad, the stressful, and the annoying all day long from a hundred different sources. Misery loves company and all, but that never makes anyone any happier. Sometimes one just needs encouragement, and you provide that for me.
Also, I, too, often wonder how other bloggers can write so disparagingly, or just intimately, about friends and family members. I often wonder ' don't these people read this!?"
Circling around again, since there's no new post today, alas... After some thought, I have another interpretation that's only been touched on slightly. You know how Katy occasionally does "Five Frugal Things and One Fail" and "Five Things That Make Me Happy and One Thing That's Pissing Me Off"? Perhaps people are asking for a little more exploration of "Frugal Failures" and not personal stuff. I believe "failures" are valuable lessons and what we glean from them even more so. I'm certainly not asking for more warts, but perhaps those survey respondents weren't really either.
What do you do when the budget falls apart or something unexpected happens? Years of frugality has (gratefully) allowed me to have much lower concern about these what-ifs, but people further back on the frugality path might worry about what to do when the wheels fall off the bus. Bad things do happen to good budgets, but they're seldom irreversible. Think of it as helping your readers build resilience, as you have in your own life. I hope this helps, because I have no desire to read anything that makes anyone you love uncomfortable and I truly hope the rest of your readers don't either.
Funnily enough, there's no new post today because I haven't been home much for the last few days (a mixture of happy and unhappy reasons for that) and I ran out of time to put a post together last night!
And yes, failures are one thing to share; personal and relational issues are another. I'll try to keep an eye out for the former so that I can share.
I have enjoyed your blog for years now, enjoying your posts and your peak into your lives. Honestly never once thought your life was perfect or you had it all together, and I do not mean that in a negative way, it is just you have always been honest that you have a normal life and normal frustrations/problems, even if that is not the topic of your blog posts. Anyone who has half a brain knows that homeschooling Mommas have their hands full of life and all that it brings, and NO ONE expects you to be perfect or air any "dirty laundry" about the people/situations that you live with. Love ya' lady and all the joy that you bring to us in sharing the inspirations that you find in frugal living.
Haha, no offense taken! It's a fact that I don't have it all together and I'm glad when readers are able to get that sense from reading my blog.
I absolutely love what you wrote today...and respect you even more for it. Please keep being you. I feel like you are real with us about things that you share - messy laundry room, lice, dreams of different kitchens, broken appliances, forgotten food and all. Thank you for sharing your life and frugal tips with us all.
Kristen,
I have been reading your blog for years. Even though I have very little in common with you (not religious, don't homeschool, I am frugal but my husband is a brutal overspender__aack!, no one likes breakfast for dinner, picky vegetarian in the mix...) I love what you write every day and I do share the same optimism that you have. That optimism is what keeps me going through some very hard personal times.
Perhaps what the commenters were asking about is how you managed to get through those difficult times/any parenting strategies and not necessarily the personal details. Of course there are many blogs out there, I am sure, that focus on that subject and that is where those that seek advice should be looking. Your blog suits me fine for frugal (and cheerful!!) advice.
I love your blog BECAUSE you are positive and inspirational!
Thank God for the wisdom that comes with years not to say your old, I'm 34 soon and I can look back and thank Him for sure for the wisdom that comes from growing closer to Him and thus "older" 🙂 Very wise answer... the majority of the "world " looks for those types of things if there isn't enough of that going on around why would we look for it in on an inspiring blog??? Hmmm lets think on whatsoever is lovely whatsoever is of good report ! It can be hard sometimes but if we just listen to God's instructions
Kristen, you are a very wise person. I admire your self-restraint and discernment with what to share and what to not share. You are doing an amazing job!