Meet a Reader | Hawaii Planner, of California
Hey, everyone! Today we're meeting a reader who lives in one of the most expensive areas of the U.S., but she's managed to resist the siren call of lifestyle creep.
We know her as Hawaii Planner in the comments, but for the purposes of a first name here, she's going by KD.
(Who, by the way, is not the same KD aka Kate from the east coast. We met that K D here!)
1. Tell us a little about yourself
My husband, two teenagers & I live in a suburb in northern California. We’ve lived here for about 10 years, and lived in Seattle before that. We both work in the tech industry for the same employer.
We have two teenage boys, and they are 16 & 17 years old.
The teens play plenty of sports (tennis & soccer), & are rarely home now that they both have a drivers license. The teens have played soccer since they were 5. I’ve spent an absolutely mind blowing amount of time on the soccer field, driving to/from soccer, & spectating soccer games.
My husband & I enjoy working out, and I occasionally try to grow things in our garden, with mixed results. I travel for work, and pre-COVID, averaged about an international trip a month. I’m now down to four or so per year, which is a huge win.
I also have an autoimmune disease (lupus), so I prioritize my health, & you can see that in some of our financial decisions. I get a lot of sleep, work out daily, try to manage my stress & stay on top of being at a healthy weight.
We are all very close to my family, and they live near Portland. When we moved away from the family for my husband’s job in California, we agreed that we would devote part of our increased salaries to travel, so we could continue to attend family events.
All of my family lives reasonably close together near Portland, so we travel back & forth quite a bit.
My husband’s family is in Iran, which makes travel & staying connected quite challenging. His family went 12 years without seeing us, due to travel restrictions, but we recently met up & spent time together this spring.
Travel is complex & incredibly expensive, but a priority for us as his mom ages. We are hoping to plan for one more big trip together, likely next summer, before his mom is too old to travel.
2. How long have you been reading The Frugal Girl?
I’ve been blogging for over ten years, and started reading The Frugal Girl before then (I was inspired by Kristen!), so I’d say maybe 11-12 years?
I also went through & read the entire blog, once I discovered it, so all of the early content looks familiar!
3. How did you get interested in saving money?
My parents were good with money, although they didn’t have much (my dad’s first year of teaching, I still remember that we qualified for food stamps (SNAP, at the time?) & the really not great “cheese” that they handed out.
While my parents didn’t have a lot of money, they definitely prioritized time with family, and making “experiences”, while still enjoying time together. I had a fantastic childhood, and feel so grateful for my parents. My sister is also my best friend, much of which I credit to my parents, and our great childhood.
4. What's the "why" behind your money-saving efforts?
My husband & I are both very well paid, which makes us a bit of outliers in the frugal space. We’ve had some non-frugal times (and, certainly spend a lot on various budget categories - more on that), but that makes it even more important to me that we are good stewards of our money. It’s very important for us for our spending to align with our values.
Our values include
- lots of family time & experiences
- helping our extended family
- saving for the future
- ensuring our money is spent in the way we intended
- donating our time & money
- giving us financial flexibility & freedom in the future
We budget, track our spending, and review large purchases.
Making prioritized financial decisions (along with our salaries, which we feel really lucky to earn) has allowed us to pay off our incredibly expensive bay area house, and save for our future retirement, as well as for the boys college.
We also cover much of our extended family travel, so we can enjoy experiences together. We live in an area with a lot of wealth, and try hard not to fall into the trap we see some others fall into: you can outspend your earnings, regardless of how much you make.
Our number one budget category (now that the house is paid off) is actually travel!
5. What's your best frugal win?
A few smaller ones:
-I leverage my Buy Nothing group heavily
-I use travel perks/status from work travel to cover personal travel whenever possible
-When the teens were babies, we realized how heavily we were relying on takeout & restaurant food. Our schedules were quite hectic during the week (the boys are 13 months apart), we were both working full time, and my husband traveled 50% of the time as well.
We got creative, and started cooking double meals on Friday, Saturday & Sunday, planning the second half of those meals on Monday-Wednesday. On Thursdays, there are sometimes leftovers, or we always have easy freezer options.
And, a couple of bigger ones:
I got a large scholarship for my undergrad degree, and worked three jobs in college to graduate debt free. I still remember my $25/week “spending money”, which had to cover everything from groceries to gas. Much frugality was learned during those times!
I also paid for an MBA by going local & part time. I did an executive MBA, which means you take the classes on evenings & weekends. This meant that I didn’t stop working during that time, and my employer paid part of the cost. I cash flowed the rest. The MBA was a huge investment in my future employment & the salary I could command.
But, overall, our best financial win has been our careers, particularly our move from Seattle to the Bay area. The change in our salary was huge, despite the cost of living differences.
6. What's an embarrassing money mistake you've made?
Too many to list!
I used to shop as a form of relaxation & a hobby. We lived a few minutes away from a mall, and it was too tempting to look for stress relief in the stores.
I bought a pair of very expensive designer shoes & not only were they miserably uncomfortable, I never wore them, because I was haunted by how much they cost & didn’t want to damage them. I sold them on eBay.
We’ve also done inefficient things with our taxes more than once, due to opting not to pay for a professional, even with a complicated tax situation. Sometimes, splurging on an expert really does save you money!
7. What's one thing you splurge on?
Fitness overall, and for sure good running shoes!
I love to work out, and belong to a reasonably expensive gym. My employer reimburses me for part of the cost, but my health is a top priority, and this gym really motivates me.
8. What's one thing you aren't remotely tempted to splurge on?
Beauty products are just not my jam. I use drugstore sunblock, and wear mascara & lipgloss daily.
9. If $1000 was dropped into your lap today, what would you do with it?
Splurge on a long weekend with my mom & sister.
10. What's the easiest/hardest part of being frugal?
Money can definitely make your life easier, but hedonistic adaptation is also real.
I want to walk the balance between being good stewards of our money, enjoying life, living our values, but also not obsessing over what we spend. I find myself sweating some of the small stuff, and also really thinking a lot about how we’re raising our kids, and what messages we send to them about money.
We’ve been very committed to having our teens work over the summer, and it’s been great for them overall, but also teaches them a lot about the value of their own money & budget. They’ve been shocked by the price of fast food! 😉
11. Is there anything unique about frugal living in your area?
Very few people are frugal?
We live in a very expensive area, so even thinking about money or trying to ensure your values and spending match can sometimes make you feel like an outlier. But, it works for us, and we’re happy with our tradeoffs.
12. What single action or decision has saved you the most money over your life?
Marrying a partner who shares my value.
We actually have very different financial approaches due to our background, but we have the same core values: no debt, prioritize family & experiences, save for the future, give what we can.
We may choose to spend a bit differently, but we’ve learned along the way that the disagreement over the slightly more expensive yogurt is probably not worth the battle. I know I should be making my own!
(Note from Kristen: I actually do NOT think everyone needs to be making their own yogurt!)
13. How has reading the Frugal Girl changed you?
My life is in some ways different than a lot of readers, but I learn so much every week that I apply in my own life. People are incredibly creative, & I love how much I get from the community.
14. Which is your favorite type of post at the Frugal Girl and why?
I love, love a freezer clean-out, and also the weekly frugal posts. I am always trying to clean things out of our freezer, so those posts always speak to me.
15. Do you have any tips for frugal travel or vacations?
A few:
We use Costco travel a lot for vacations, and find that they are often the cheapest option.
We also consolidate our travel where possible, to earns status & perks. That’s only useful if you travel with some frequency.
We buy travel gift cards at a discount.
I have a spreadsheet where I track miles for every member of our family, track credits from flights, gift cards, etc.
Before any trip, I set our priorities, and then set a budget. If the budget seems unreasonable as we’re planning, we review our options & see what kind of tradeoffs we want to make (reduce duration, look for a cheaper alternative, etc). That helps to avoid surprises at the end of a trip, when you’re adding everything up.
Random trivia:
-I have made 20+ trips to Japan, and have never been outside of Tokyo. (I’m usually on a very tight schedule, due to work & family priorities. It’s a goal to get to Kyoto & explore more of Japan.)
-I love fitness related adventures, and am regularly trying to talk my family into something. Family relays with our extended family, kayaking with my sister, skiing with my husband & the teens, running unprepared for half marathons, stand up paddle boarding yoga… One of my favorite things to do on vacation is to try a new adventure or workout class.
-My favorite reward meal (after a half marathon or the like) is nachos & a margarita.
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KD, thanks so much for participating and sending all these great pictures! I love how adventurous you are and how much time you manage to spend outside. I imagine that living in California makes outdoor time much more feasible year round.
I'm so impressed you guys paid off a house in the Bay Area, since housing is wildly expensive there. Good for you!
I love that you are taking advantage of your high incomes by being financially responsible. I have seen so many cases of people earning high amounts of money but still being broke because they spend it all.
And that always seems like a crying shame to me...what a wasted opportunity! I'm glad you guys are operating differently.
Lastly: I'm so happy you enjoy my freezer clean-out posts. Those are so helpful in keeping me accountable, and I'm glad they entertain/inspire you too.
Nice to meet you KD. Your intentional living is inspiring; some people never consider their values as being connected to their money choices.
"My sister is also my best friend, much of which I credit to my parents, and our great childhood." I think this was an amazing accomplishment. I hope my children stay close. When they bicker, I doubt; but when they share lovely banter and stand up for each other, I have hope!
Also, (and this is a spoiler for my Tuesday comment)-- forget yogurt! I learned about making buttermilk at home. No heating or keeping just the right temperature. Oh no, it is just putting store-bought cultured buttermilk in a quart jar (1/4 cup), pouring in regular milk, and letting it sit on your kitchen counter for the day. THAT'S IT! And, yes, I know the adding vinegar/lemon juice to milk trick, but I really prefer the taste of cultured buttermilk in pancakes and biscuits.
I'm not forgetting making yogurt because I do have the time. But if you are feeling guilty about not making yogurt, I think you can become guilt-free by making buttermilk.
@Jody S., thank you! I feel super lucky that my sister & I have such a great relationship, and am always hopeful that our teens will also be close growing up. Our kids also have two cousins (my sister's kids) who are very close to them in age, so there are lots of options for them to stay close to each other as they get older. Fingers crossed.
The buttermilk is a great suggestion! Thanks for sharing.
Hi KD! This was fun to read. Thanks for writing!
@kristin @ going country, aww, thanks! I love reading your blog, & live vicariously through your fabulous kitchen adventures & rural living.
Hi KD! It was fun to read about your life, though you've also been quite forthcoming in the comment section. You make me miss being younger and working in tech; my ex-husband also worked for the same company--in fact we had the same boss. It worked great for us.
@Rose, it's always interesting at dinner when we are talking about work, as we tend to have quite a bit of context (same company), and can relate to each other. It's a large company & we don't work on the same team (and, not even in the same city), so we don't see each other at work.
@Hawaii Planner, Well....it worked great except at review time, when Boss would give my ex a bigger bonus and raise than I got because everything was graded on a curve and it was more convenient to put me down on the curve. "All the money is going to the same place so what difference does it make," he would say. Sigh.
@Rose,
Seriously? Wow. In 2023, this sort of thing still goes on. I would have taken this up with HR at the least. At the most? One or more of us should switch companies if this kind of bias exists. That kind of boss is not someone I'd work for.
@Irena, This was more like 1998-99 and I didn't want to rattle the golden handcuffs (that is, stock options). That boss is still one of my best friends, go figure.
While I'm all about standing up for oneself and complaining, sometimes shutting up is the smarter move.
Thanks for sharing your family and life KD. I enjoyed reading about someone from a very expensive place to live, but is still Frugal. We also like to do active vacations and have found boating and biking in Europe is a lot of fun. We leave this week for a trip with some of our family. In the states, when we go to meet family, our bikes are always with us too. My husband got me into riding 7 years ago and its a lot of fun.
@Maureen, thank you! We are very active vacationers for sure. That is awesome that you have found active options near you!
Thanks so much for your post KD! Loved reading it. The running trail you use regularly is beautiful:)
@Jackie, thank you! It is a gorgeous trail. That's about 4 miles in, with a lot of hills, so it also tends to be pretty quiet. Not everyone is willing to go that far. It's really, really peaceful out there.
Just to clarify, we DO have another KD (Kate) who lives on my side of the country. We met her here: https://www.thefrugalgirl.com/meet-reader-kd/
I suppose I should go put a clarification in the intro!
@Kristen, thanks for the clarification. I was thinking when I read the original post early this morning that "Gee, this sounds more like what I know about Hawaii Planner than about K D," so it's nice to know I wasn't going crazy!
And, HP/KD, it's good to learn more about your life, and to be reminded yet again of what a diverse and interesting bunch we Frugal Girl commenters are.
@A. Marie, thank you! You are remembering correctly 🙂
Are you willing to share what your blog is called? I'm interested to read it!
@R, sure! I blog here. https://thehawaiiplan.blogspot.com/
I'm a little more sporadic than Kristen, but blog pretty regularly.
It is refreshing to read about a family with a sizable income that still manages to carefully assess how their money is spent to ensure it matches their family values. I think more families need to do so as many times little thought is given to the frequency and cost of various things such as travel, no matter the income level.
Although this family's income may be substantial and, as stated, above what most people around the country might make, it is clear that they are stewards of their incomes and isn't that really the goal of personal finances? It's clear that they are investing in what really matters: Their health and well-being and their family and relationships.
Hopefully they are also amassing savings as we have learned that no matter how good your job is, especially in tech anything these days, it can end and not necessarily be replaced easily in the same location. That's the one advantage a high income should have: Ability to save. We have known several high-income families who have failed to save even on very high salaries and lived to regret. It can't be easy to NOT spend frivolously when one is surrounded by a lot of wealthy folks, so I really applaud this family's commitment to using their $ for what really matters.
One thing struck me: Failing to originally hire a professional to do complicated taxes. I think they learned that this is not a way to save money. Over the years, friends at all income levels, have shared how "investing" in a qualified accountant has actually saved them money in the long run and, often gained them a higher refund. It just sort of surprised me that this was not something they initially pursued because the family clearly analyzes their spending proving that all of us have areas to rethink over time. (and I am impressed by how they do it and very impressed that they are teaching their boys the value of earning an income. We have known many families with high incomes who have deliberately NOT wanted their kids to work either before or during college. I think KD who worked hard (income wise) to get both her undergraduate and MA degrees is wisely passing on the value of working. It's often something that the well-off these days overlook.
The emphasis on family trips to see other family members is heart warming. Again, so many of those with high disposable incomes put personal travel experiences first and often allow little if any time for family.
Thank you for sharing, KD.
@Irena, our tax situation is usually pretty straightforward, and we have most of the basic strategies locked down. We've failed to recognize when we've entered into more complicated scenarios (e.g. income limits, etc) & optimize accordingly. We have leveraged accountants in more complicated years (we sold an out of state vacation house, which required some form of reciprocity taxes between OR & CA & was well beyond my capabilities). Knowing when you need help is a skill that I haven't always mastered, but we are better with it after experience learned the hard way. 😉
On the savings side, we are fully saved for retirement, & also have a large savings account & emergency fund. We're waiting to see how much the boys college will cost (we also have college accounts), so we can finalize our plans for the next 5 or so years, as we will have two kids in college for at least three of those years.
Hello, KD!
Super interesting story and images. I am also always trying to improve my health and diet so I appreciated your fitness goals and your "No S diet" (as described in your own blog).
My DH and I are also learning French ….but in a bit of an unconventional way: from our 4-year-old granddaughter who is fluent. She loooves teaching us and is a stickler for prononciation ha!
@Erika JS, I've really liked the ease of the "No S" diet, and feel like it's something that will work for me over the long haul, vs a complicated fad diet. It's also feels a bit like common sense (although, clearly wasn't how I was eating before, so maybe less common!) Glad you enjoyed the pictures.
Love that you are learning to speak French from your granddaughter. What a fun experience to share together.
Nice to meet you! I enjoy reading about different ways to be frugal. I really like that you are teaching your boys about hard work. Sometimes that message seems lost in some of the younger generation.
I have been reading a bit of your blog. Do you mind sharing what brand your espresso machine is? My husband and I invested in one after researching extensively and it failed after only 2 years. They also stopped selling any parts for it, so we weren't able to fix it.
Thank you so much!
@Cheryl 90, you bet! It's a Jura - Impressa F60. Originally purchased at Costco (although, still pricey even at Costco prices).
I'm curious how you will handle college education for your children. Have you saved? Will you cash flow it? It sounds like you won't qualify for need-based aid but maybe your sons will qualify for merit aid. Will your children pay some of the cost?
We paid for our children's education. Their commitment was to figure out what they wanted to do (which they knew going in) and to work hard. They each had merit scholarships and totally delivered on their end of the deal. We were happy they were able to graduate with no debt. They appreciated this even though some would say they had "no skin in the game." It worked for us.
@Marie, good question! We'd originally assumed that our kids would go to UCs. However, UCs are incredibly difficult to get into, so we are now assuming that our kids will be going out of state, which changes our approach somewhat. We saved enough for both kids to cover four years at a UC, and/or roughly 1.5 years of out of state. We will start from their college accounts, and then go to savings & cash flow.
Our kids have been working, and have some savings that they will use for spending money during college. We are unlikely to ask them to work for their first year (but, will want them to work over summers) as we would like them to get comfortable with college and academics are their first priority. I'm hopeful that they can work part time for part of college, but as someone who worked 3 jobs during college, I wouldn't wish that for them.
@Hawaii Planner, Working 3 jobs!! You should feel accomplished. My husband scrambled to pay but that was back in the 70s when you could work all summer and cover most of college. I worked for spending money in college as our children did. We just felt fortunate that our children took good advantage of the opportunity we provided. No regrets!
@Marie, I took advantage of a lot of merit & need based financial aid, so my jobs largely covered living expenses, as well as the small remainder of my tuition not included. That is awesome that you were able to help out your kids!
Greetings to Hawaii Planner, from one of your longtime readers!
I was looking forward to your interview because we come from similar high-income backgrounds, and I was intrigued to see which of our frugal practices aligned - many as it turns out!
Like you, I come from a family with modest means, and have carried much of their frugal ways into my current life. As a result, I feel like we are able to sidestep most of the 'keeping up with the Jones' pressure we might otherwise feel living where we do in a rather pricey coastal community. So with regard to yourselves, and with particular regards to your boys, how have you all avoided lifestyle creep, or simply lifestyle comparisons? And how have your boys in particular responded?
PS- We required our daughters to have summer jobs when teens as well. It simply did not sit well with my modest income family background to see them lazing around when at their same age I was piecing together part time jobs in order to generate income, understanding none was to be had otherwise.
@Tamara R, hello, friend!
Avoiding lifestyle creep is a challenge, but as the boys have gotten older, they are just much more open to discussions. For example, when they talk about how friend X has a fancy new car or friend Y goes to Europe for months with their parents, or has a third house, or they fly private or whatever... we continue to remind them that we spend a lot of our budget on things that are important to us. Our teens are super close to my parents, and prioritize time with them over almost anything. Although they may ask for other fun stuff, when we talk about how we prioritize time with family, they do understand it. We also now bring up the cost of college, and how we are saving for college, so we have to cut back in other areas.
They are both super different people, with DS17 wearing seven year old shorts from Costco, and having zero desire for anything. He owns one pair of shoes (and, cleats for soccer). DS16 has spent a chunk of his summer earnings buying himself fancy sneakers & cologne, and regularly asks for clothing. It's so interesting to me that we've raised them exactly the same, but they are pretty different financially. Now is the time for DS16 to learn how quickly the expensive sneakers wear out, and how...later in the year when he has less spending money than his brother! We are happy to let him experiment & make mistakes now, when the stakes are really low.
@Hawaii Planner, Isn't it funny how different the children are?! Sometimes I think my kids are different from a sibling on purpose-- just to carve out their own niche.
@Jody S., sooooo very different! It will be interesting to see how they evolve over time, and whether they continue to be super different, or like my sister & I, more similar as we got older.
KD, I really enjoyed your post. Like you, I don't necessarily have to be frugal, but I surely strive to be. As you've shown, the key is to live your life intentionally no matter what your net worth. I've read your blog and comments over the years and am always impressed by your efforts to not only be frugal, but to help others. Also like you, we have an accountant do our taxes. She is in the same group as our financial planner, and they work together on every financial issue we have. They pay for themselves by ensuring we don't do anything dumb/costly. Thank you for giving us a glimpse into your life!
@MB in MN, thank you! Agreed very much that intentionality really helps us think through our spending decisions & sort of sets you up with your priorities. It's the roadmap for financial decisions, as it were. And yes, we've had accountants that have made a world of difference, both in our tax approach during that particular year, but also more generally with helping us understand how to optimize.
Thank you for your lovely post! I am curious what things you feel your parents did to help you and your sister have such a good relationship? And what you've done with your boys? I want this for my two kiddos (ages 3 and almost 2) and think about it often!
@Katie, great question. We spent a lot of time together (particularly during the summers, when my parents were both off of work, as they worked in schools) & made lots of family memories - camping, road trips, family barbecues & holidays. We encourage the boys to do things together that they both mutually enjoy, but also try to respect that they are very different people, & to not expect them to be the same.
They were incredibly close until maybe age 13, and then COVID & being home alone without getting a break was a challenge for their relationship. It's slowly started to go back to being closer (thank goodness, because it was hard for me to see them not getting along &/or just ignoring each other), which we've loved. We've also been reminding them that our time together as just the four of us is quickly evaporating (DS17 will be at college in a year) & to make the most of the time.
We also talk about how important siblings are, and how it (can be) what makes a family really special. I think they see how close my sister & I are, how close my dad & his brother are, and my mom and her siblings, etc, & want that for themselves. Even though, as teens, they may not quite internalize it like that yet.
@Hawaii Planner, I'm close to my sibs, my ex is close to his sister, and yet my two kids have loathed one another since day 1*. Even when toddlers they hated each other. I have no idea why and I'm resigned to it now.
*OK, not day one. But probably from the ages 2 and 4 on up. Sigh.
@Rose, I have struggled to get along with my oldest sister, whose first act when I was brought home from the hospital was to dump me down the stairs. After talking with my dear aunt, I think my sister was very jealous after having Mom all to herself, and Mom never could see it or rescue me. Not that her intervention would have guaranteed a better relationship; but I have accepted that this sister is just mean, and I can't change her after years of trying to have a civil relationship. There may be a child psychologist you could talk to, as I'm sure our mother would never have wanted to see this, but by the time she realized what had happened, it was too late. Now I am 75 and my sister is 81, so it seems unlikely that a change will happen, and we live 2,000 miles apart. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be? I don't blame my mother, but I am grateful to have a very warm relationship with my other sister. It takes two to tango...
We are also a higher income frugal family and travel with family is our splurge. Our young adult (19 &21) sons both work to help with their own costs and also kick in for college incidentals (parking passes, college gear). Over the years we have had them save to buy their own electronics as well - it’s amazing to see how well they care for the things they bought with their own money compared to what we have seen with other friends. At times we have had some push back from them when they see things handed to friends but I’m hoping this instills some good habits in them financially in the long run.
I can’t stress enough how amazing Kyoto is! As much as I love Tokyo and am insanely jealous you have been so many times, Kyoto is a must. One of my favorite cities to visit. I suggest getting up early to visit the bigger shrines before anything opens or the tourist busses arrive, so peaceful and beautiful at that time.
Thanks for sharing your story with us!
@Kim, it's great to hear how you are managing finances with your young adults! I tell friends with younger kids that your approach will continue to evolve, as your kids age. We love this phase, as our teens are able to help out my parents when they visit, and bring some of their spending money to treat my parents to dinner & the like. Which reassures us that we're doing something right!
Tokyo is a lovely place, but I'm usually in on a Monday & out on a Friday, so timing is so tight, and there's a lot of hotel, office, airport, with the occasional dinner in between. I am going to do my best to get to Kyoto sometime in 2024!
@Hawaii Planner, I enjoyed meeting you too! I hope you will be able to visit Kyoto, a beautiful city with many interesting sites. We also visited Hiroshima and Nagasaki a few years ago, and found the bullet train a great experience. I like to combine business and pleasure.
As you express very well, earning a large income does not automatically make things easy in the long run. I come from the Bay Area, where my great grandparents were married in 1895. They were working Scandinavians who believed work and thrift are the path to a good life, and would be horrified by the rich techies who have driven Seattle real estate up the mountain, where my husband's family lives. Money gives you more choices, and I congratulate you and your husband for your intentionality about values. I hope your sons will appreciate your insistence on work, as it is likely to make them better people. Sounds odd, but I have worked with a number of privileged students who are clueless about their own privileged lives, and they seem to be headed toward a kind of empty existence. I hope not, of course, but I find it hard to be around some of them as their values are seriously warped and material.
Sorry to use cliches. I am trying to also think about how frugal practices are just as important for a comfortable household as for a poor one economically, enriching life itself and our appreciation for what we DO have. The entitled style of the one percenters ignores the importance of community, and of sharing, and our culture seems to swallow consumerism as if it were a good thing. We who are frugal are pushing back, insisting that family and community are more important than designer doodads. Not that I don't enjoy the occasional bit of luxury!
@Kristina, reading your comment made me think of a wonderful 1943 FRUGALITY- related book “Mama’s Bank Account” by Kathryn Forbes (AKA McLean, née Anderson) which then became a play, then a really great movie called “I Remember Mama”, starring Irene Dunne, Ellen Corby, and Barbara Bel Geddes! It’s about a Scandinavian family in early 1900s San Francisco and I highly recommend it. Talk about frugality! One of the daughters was named Kristina!
Congratulations on the progress you have made in your personal and professional life! Thank you for sharing your Lupus diagnosis! I was diagnosed 10 years ago and never saw a huge impact , aside from miscarriages, until about 2 years ago and it has significantly altered the way we budget for food and exercise/outdoor activities. I struggle with balancing saving money and knowing when it's OK/the right thing to invest in my health. I have three younger kiddos and work full time so when my rheumatologist asks how I am handling stress this can result in tears and more stress, bah! I am hoping that by spending more money on quality food, activities that move my body, and therapy I'll see improvement over the next year (and less doctor appointments!)
@Lauren S., thanks for sharing. I had young kids when I was first diagnosed, and I prioritized sleep above all else. Once I was able to add in more, I added in workouts, but they were hard to juggle, and when something needed to give, I made sure the sleep was the top priority.
Do you meditate? It does help me manage stress, and can be free & easy. I also had a point in time where, every month, I looked for a way to make my life easier. Sometimes those things cost money, but often they didn't. It could be: making a double batch of a recipe for nights I didn't have the energy to cook. Other days it was buying a premade dinner to stash in the freezer. Or, buying doubles of toiletries, so when I went to the gym, I could easily shower there & not have to pack/repack my toiletries. Many of the tweaks were the tiniest, smallest things, but I always like to feel like I'm making progress, and those little things do add up to make your life just a tiny bit easier every day.
You've got this. You are working with three young kids, and managing your health. Sending you lots of good wishes for healthy & reduced stress days ahead!
Very nice to meet you!!!
1@Stephanie, thank you, & likewise!
Loved reading this and I recognized those beach scenes, hike and redwoods. I live in a town very near you that starts with an A. 🙂
@Jen, if you live near the beach, I have a guess. The one forest scene is actually near my parents house, in Washington. They live near a ton of old growth area, and it's stunning.
@Hawaii Planner, I could have sworn that that bike photo in the redwoods at Nisene Marks. I was wrong. But I know I am correct on those beach stairs and beach scenes. My town starts with an A and ends with an S and is near the beach. We are neighbors. Glad to know there are other frugal and fabulous ones out there and around town. Living here is a struggle but you can't beat the weather and outdoor spaces.
@Jen, if we were ever to buy a vacation house in a beach town, that is most certainly at the top of our list! You are most certainly correct - the weather & outdoor spaces are amazing, despite the cost. We feel super lucky that we are able to afford living here, and still save for the future.
My 16 year old is desperate to take his mountain bike to the Santa Cruz mountains & get in more biking, after biking with my dad in Washington this summer. He's waiting on a part, and then yes, I'm thinking we will have some pics in that area. I'm terrible on a mountain bike, so maybe pictures are too optimistic, actually.
I so wish it were possible for you (and especially your sons) to travel to Iran. Mullahs aside, it is a beautiful country with wonderful people. Perhaps some day ... but right now, there are things money can't buy, and this is one of them.
@JDinNM, it's really hard for my husband, but we try our best to enjoy the time we have, and he calls every week, to stay caught up with the family. I'm a picture sender (as I don't speak the language), so I can at least keep everyone connected through photos!
@Hawaii Planner, The only Farsi I remember is "Hale shoma chetore?" (How are you?) and I only remember that because it reminded me of chicken cacciatore (in terms of pronunciation).
Enjoyed reading this! I’m also a Bay Area resident with a high income, and also feel like quite the outlier, being frugal! We haven’t paid our house off yet but we did buy a much smaller house than we could afford (which still cost an exorbitant amount) so that we’d be able to afford house payments on one income, just so neither of us would feel trapped in our jobs.
Did you travel as much when your kids were young? I have a 5 and 3 year old and we have not traveled much because it seems like so much work. We did just have a successful short trip to San Diego though, so it’s given me the urge to plan more trips!
@LB, it's nice to hear from a fellow Bay Area resident. We were already pretty far into our careers when we moved here, and owned a house in the Seattle area. Selling that (we rented it out for the first few years) was the push we needed to get this place paid off. And yes, it's exorbitant regardless of what you buy!
We definitely didn't travel much when the kids were little. I started traveling for this job when the boys were about 8 & 9, & we took our first international trip with them just the spring. We've always done a couple of long weekends together (my parents watching the kids) & have been skiing since the boys were about 3 or so. When we lived in Seattle, the mountain was just a day trip, so easy to go numerous times in a ski season.
It was too much work/logistics to travel, and not as enjoyable when they were really little. Now they are pretty easy to travel with - as long as we have access to plenty of food. 😉
I found your blog around the time you moved to the Bay Area and my husband and I had just started jobs in big tech. Yours and several other blogs inspired and encouraged us to “stay the course” of frugality with high salaries.
I’m happy to say my daycare bills come to an end this month, I’m cancer free, and am proud to have titles in hand to our cars and mortgage. I feel like I caught lightning in a bottle with our salaries, so paying that forward is the least I can do.
@Walnut, that's so nice to hear. Thanks for sharing. And, congratulations on being cancer free! And, paid off cars & mortgage! Those are some huge accomplishments. So happy to hear that you're cancer free. Enjoy this time with the salaries & the end of the daycare bills!
I love the prioritizing for travel! We live in Europe and my family is in the USA- plane tickets this year were insanely pricey (in economy class!!) But it is a priority for me too.
@S K, Ooooh, flights this year have been absolutely bonkers. I get a reasonable flight cap for work, but even with that can't fly business most of the time. I use points to try & upgrade where we can, because economy international flights are no fun, when you have to rally & immediately start working.
Thank you so much for sharing with us! I love that we live in crazy different places and have very different lives, yet there are so many things that unite us here! A couple of things really popped out to me in your about me section - first, soccer! In high school we had to put together a PowerPoint presentation of what our dream life would be (career, car, house, etc.) and I put in an awesome Soccer Mom Minivan in mine. Last year I finally got to "have it all" - 3 kids in my minivan all headed to play soccer! Ha! We're on the early end of sports, so we have many soccer days (and other sports days) ahead of us.
Second, I was intrigued by how you're caring for your body in the midst of having lupus. A close friend is in the process of being diagnosed with lupus and I'm trying to navigate how to be supportive to her. While I know that everyone is different, can you share any ways that friends have been able to come alongside and be supportive for you?
@Ruth T, I consider myself a semi professional soccer spectator, because I have seen a crazy amount of games & practices! Two kids over a very long period of time (10+ years) means lots of soccer. Congrats on getting the life you envisioned! That is so cool. Enjoy the soccer mom time.
Lupus is so different for everyone. Other than when I was first diagnosed, I've been incredibly lucky with my health. I've had flares, but they have been pretty minor, and I've had no organ impact. For your friend, I'd suggest meeting her where she is. In the beginning, it's pretty challenging to hear that your health is going to largely be unpredictable. My friends have always let me lead with what I feel up to, and are very understanding when I don't always have the energy to finish plans. They also understand my need to prioritize sleep, and health/fitness, and are always supportive with that. Sending your friend lots of good thoughts that she's able to manage her health well, while living a very fulfilled life.
@Hawaii Planner, Thank you so much!
thank you so much for this post. very interesting read. your kiids are so luck to have you for a parent.
@Anita Isaac, thank you so much for your kind comment!
@Hawaii Planner, you are so welcome. you know something dumb? when i read your comments i thought you lived in hawaii.
@Anita Isaac, that was our retirement plan, when I first started blogging (hence the name, as we were planning for retirement savings.). Now, I think it's more likely we'll retire in California.
Hello HI Planner. Lovely profile! I'm waving "hi" from the East Bay.
@Dicey, hi there, fellow bay area reader!
Hi Hawaii Planner!
Thank you for putting the link to your blog in the comments. I am gobsmacked by your discipline (debt free education, all that planning and sticking to it) , and your energy (all those sporty things plus travel is exhausting) in spite of lupus.
I always have questions (and disregard any that are too personal for the World Wide Web):
1. Why "Hawaii Planner"?
2. How did you meet your husband?
3. Is the beach photo in Oceanside?
Thank you so much for sharing your very interesting life with us here!
@Central Calif. Artist, hi! Thanks for your comment, and happy to answer:
1) When we lived in Seattle & I started my blog, we'd envisioned retiring to Hawaii, so this was our beginning plan for how to save for/pay/afford retirement. I've just left the name, and we've gone to Hawaii semi-frequently & enjoy planning vacations. 😉
2) We met at work! Not for our current company, but a tech company 20+ years ago.
3) The one taken from the top of a hill is looking down on Manzanita, Oregon. The one with the surfing & the more California vibe is Santa Cruz, where my teens like to surf.
@Hawaii Planner, thanks! I've always wondered about your pseudonym.
Work is a great place to meet a spouse—you can really learn about a person with all that daily interaction, like how they treat underlings, and how they respond to stress.
It was the California beach that caught my eye, but I guess most Calif. beaches with cliffs and palm trees look alike.