Skip to Content

A few thoughts on turning 40

Delayed a bit, since I turned 40 at the end of April.

Kristen and her friend

Just FYI: this post is going to have nothing to do with frugality and a whole lot more to do with navel-gazing.

(Because this is my blog and I will navel-gaze if I want to!)

So if you’re only here for the money-saving stuff, come back tomorrow.

I feel fine about 40.

Forty is kind of an over-the-hill age, and several people have asked me how I’m taking this milestone.

Honestly, I feel just fine about it.

I mean, my kids are almost all teenagers, I have a high school graduate, two of my kids are driving…it was starting to feel a little weird to still be in my 30s.

Plus, I keep coming back to this thought: not everyone gets to turn 40.

Forty trips around the sun are a privilege that some people don’t get to have, and I’m grateful to have them.

I’ve been blogging for a quarter of my life.

Sonia and me in 2008, right around when I started my blog

I started my blog in 2008, when I’d just turned 30.   It’s so weird to think I’ve been typing out my thoughts here for 25% of my life!

I thought I would know more by now than I do.

You know how people write those, “40 things I learned in 40 years” sort of posts?

Well, I feel like mine would be kind of short, because the main thing I’ve learned in 40 years is that I know so little. And that I was wrong about a lot of things I used to be sure about.

When I was 20, I was practically bursting with confident knowledge and wisdom. (ha)

Teenage me. Just about to the brimming-with-much-knowledge stage. 😉

I was so sure about so many things at that age because everything seemed really black and white; everything was clear cut.

I miss some parts of that assurance, but mostly I think it’s better to be a little less dogmatic; to take things more on a case-by-case basis and to acknowledge that most problems and issues are way more complicated than black and white.

I am more aware of my own failings than I used to be.

I’ve always been a behaver, so my faults and flaws (for instance, people-pleasing, or being overly self-reliant) are a little bit complicated to see.

My problems can kind of hide beneath the surface instead of being super obvious and I suppose that’s why I see and understand more of them as I age…it’s part of seeing the world in a more nuanced way.

Kristen, Sonia, and Zoe at the beach

When you are a behaver, it’s easy to think that you aren’t as messed up as the people whose problems are more visible. But the more I understand myself, the more I see that I’m just a messed-up person who looks tidy on the outside.

(Which is why I need Jesus just like everyone else!)

I used to think I’d be a better mom/wife than I am.

Before I got married, I was pretty sure that I was going to be The World’s Most Amazing Wife™.   And my confidence about my parenting was off the charts when I didn’t have any kids.

Isn’t it just so easy to be perfect at something before you actually have to do that thing?? 😉

Kristen and Zoe

I suppose one useful thing I’ve learned, though, is that everyone is kind of muddling through, messing some things up and doing some things really well.

But no one can possibly do this perfectly, and that does indeed include me.

(Again with the needing Jesus thing.)

I used to think I deserved a lot more credit than I really do.

Oh, man…20 year old me thought that my successes and skills had a whole heck of a lot to do with me and my choices and my self-discipline and who knows what else.

And the older I get, the more I see just how many privileges I’ve had that have put me where I am:

  • my race
  • my socio-economic status
  • my stable childhood home life
  • my education
  • my health
  • the country I live in
  • the number of people in my life who love and care for me

The list could go on for a long time!

I’m looking forward to my 40s.

My twenties and thirties were mostly spent mothering (I became a mom at 21), so while there have been some changes in those years, the theme has still been four-kids-at-home mom life.

Zoe, Sonia, and me, circa 2006

But by the time I reach a new decade milestone (God willing), my kids will be 22, 24, 27, and 29.

(Whoa. That’s the first time I did that math. HOLY MOLY. I am going to have adult children.)

 

Anyway, the next ten years are going to be full of lots of change (like, uh, the fact that I will finish being a homeschooling mom), and while I know some of it will be bittersweet, I think it’s going to be really interesting to see how my life shifts.

In my almost 19 years of mothering, a thing that’s held true is this: there are good/bad and easy/hard things about every stage of parenting.

So, I have every reason to think that this upcoming stage of kids-becoming-adults will be no different and I look forward to discovering the delightful parts of this new phase of life.

(Ok, but I probably still am going to cry when my kids move out.)

And I think that concludes all of my turning-40 thoughts. Thanks for indulging me.

P.S. If your 40s are behind you, I’d love to hear about them!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Jennifer

Friday 11th of May 2018

You are wise beyond your years. I think you have figured out more than I have in my 46 years. (I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up!) I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Kristyna

Friday 11th of May 2018

Loved reading all the navel gazing. You really have some wonderful words of wisdom to share.

"...the main thing I’ve learned in 40 years is that I know so little. "

Isn't that the truth? I find that every year that goes by, I learn so much, yet discover how much more I don't know or understand. And that's ok. Part of that is discovering my own depravity and deep need for Jesus (just like you said), his grace and forgiveness. So thankful for Him!

Thanks for spending 25 percent of your life typing away encouraging others in being good stewards of their money, resources and time. I know I've appreciated reading your blog over the years before I had children and now that I do have children, I've gone back to reread a blog or two that I remember you writing that is now more relevant to my stage of life.

So, Happy Birthday and bless you as you enter a new exciting decade!!

Sara

Friday 11th of May 2018

I have a few things I do every single morning. One is, check your blog. It’s the best blog out there. I’m 43. It’s SO much better than my thirties. By the watch you look 30!!

Lisa

Thursday 10th of May 2018

I'm 43 and enjoying my 40s so far. So much of what you wrote about self-awareness and privilege resonates with me. Thanks!

Battra92

Thursday 10th of May 2018

I'm in my mid 30s with a 2 year old. I'm now just finally starting to feel old. I feel lucky that I got to spend my 20s being frugal and doing youthful stuff (though I'm a behaver as well, so it wasn't all that exciting.)

I get you on needing Jesus, though. I'm pretty hard on myself most of the time (particularly with parenting) so even though I try to put up a brave front, I'm crying on the inside a lot.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.