I’d like to hear your comments on your balance between “You only live once” (so spend) and needing to be responsible and save.
I’m naturally frugal but sometimes I do have to think “Laura, you only live once — spend it!”
Do you have these moments?
Oh yes, I completely understand what you are saying. My natural inclination is to save, save, save, save, save.
Which is good, at least some of the time.
But this attitude can also be a little unhealthy. Do I really want to get to the end of my life having only save, save, saved?
Money IS a tool, and tools are meant to be used, not just hoarded.
Note: If you, dear reader, are a person who tends to err on the side of spending, then you probably need to focus on the importance of financial responsibility.
(You’re gonna get into financial trouble if your response to every, “Should I spend on this thing?” question is, “Well! You only live once!”
But since Laura and I tend to fail in the other direction, that’s what I’ll talk about.
I’m not saying I have this balance completely figured out, but here are a few things that have helped me.
1. Set aside money specifically for spending.
It’s hard for me to spend money on things that seem unnecessary.
A mortgage payment? Sure!
Groceries? Yep.
The electric bill? Here are my dollars.
But things that aren’t strictly essential are harder for me.
This means that a fun money budget, a vacation budget, or an eating-out-with-friends budget is really helpful.
If the money is already set aside and ear-marked, it’s way easier for me to part with it.
So, if you’d like to live a little more with your money, make a, “You only live once!” fund.
2. Cover your financial responsibilities regularly.
I know it’s easy to feel like you should be putting 100% of your extra money toward becoming more financially secure, but see if you can be slightly less intense about it.
If you are making regular progress toward your financial goals each month, you don’t need to feel bad about putting some money into your, “You only live once!” fund.
And if you do start to feel bad about spending money on some non-essentials, you can remind yourself that you are faithfully working toward your financial goals at the same time.
You can do both!
3. Look at the big picture.
Instead of getting too focused on how much you want to save right now, think about the big picture of what you want your life to be like.
Twenty years in the future, when you look back, what do you want to see?
I imagine that you want to see responsibility, but that you also want to see fun things like vacations, dinners with friends, a hobby purchase, a great pair of shoes, and so on.
___________________
Fellow die-hard frugals, what helps you loose your purse strings a little?
P.S. After I wrote this, I realized that my main points could also apply if you are prone to too much fun spending!
Make sure you cover your financial responsibilities, set aside specific amounts for fun spending (so that it doesn’t get out of hand), and look at the big picture to make sure there’s enough responsibility mixed in with the fun.
Rachel says
More than 10 years ago, I was working diligently at paying off my accumulated debt from college (I was so, so foolish during college!). At the same time, a once in a lifetime opportunity arose to spend one of my closest friend’s thirtieth birthday with him at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I made a deal with myself that I could go on this trip, but only if I paid for every part of it without adding to my debt. I added a Grand Canyon category to my monthly budget while I continued to pay down my foolish debt. I was successful with my plan and had the best time with my friend. I would regret missing that trip, but I would have regretted adding to my debt even more.
KT says
A solid plan. Win-win all around!
Rose says
Yes. I’m a natural spender and someone who is an obsessive antiques collector. Which means sometimes I see things I can’t live without and if I don’t get them then, I will never be able to.
I used to just buy the things and then feel guilty for spending instead of saving. Now antiques are a line item in my budget, so I can buy without guilt. (Although at this point, my house is so full, I really do need to rein it in…)
JD says
That’s pretty neat that your post works for both sides: refusing to spend, and spending too much.
I’m much more in the refusing to spend category, but I’ve been able to spend when I really, really want to – most of the time, anyway.
I don’t have a specific ongoing fund for spending, but maybe I should start one, because that’s a good idea. My main method is to wait and see if I still want to spend the money for X after a few days (or weeks, months, or even years!), but, as Rose noted above, when shopping antiques or one of a kind things, that method won’t work, because the opportunity may never present itself again.
When I went to Guatemala again last year, I already knew I would want to buy a few of the unique locally made items, and had extra quetzals with me for just that reason. In circumstances like that, I give myself permission ahead, up to a rough dollar amount, to make some purchases that aren’t necessary for life.
I don’t know if I explained myself well, but that’s how I let myself spend now and then.
Laura says
My husband is a spender and I am a saver, and I think we really balance each other out well. I help him see the benefit of saving for that big thing you want, and he helps me see how if the bills are paid and goals are met it’s ok to spend some money to have fun. We also have designated money each month for eating out and entertainment, and fun money for both of us to spend on what we want.
Kristen says
Haha, I almost considered including as a tip, “Marry someone who is the opposite of you.” because even though that’s annoying at times, it does help you to balance each other out!
Kristyna says
My hubby’s a spender too! It definitely has helped stretch each other to see the benefits of both worlds.
Cindi says
We’ve always been savers (and it enabled my husband to retire at 58) but very early on, when we had very little money, we started a vacation fund. When we had enough to take a vacation, we took it. The memories of those trips are still with us, though much of the other ‘stuff’ we bought over the years is long gone. We looked at what was important to us and were willing to sacrifice in other areas in order to pay for what was truly important to us.
Mary ~ Reflections Around the Campfire says
This is our story exactly, Cindi, from your first sentence to your last. In our case, we’ve been married almost 40 years and raised (and traveled with) two great kids. Living debt-free, saving for early retirement and the kid’s college expenses, and traveling as often as we could were our lifetime priorities. We don’t have one single regret about the time or money we spent traveling even though we retired later than we wanted to because of it. Travel provided wonderful experiences for our kids and allowed my husband and I to see and do much more than we could have if we had waited until we retired to begin. I know that budgets are sometimes thought of as evil restrictions on our lives but they really are just a simple tool to help you focus on your priorities and achieve every goal you set.
Cindi says
So true! And we really are following the same life path — our 40th anniversary is this December!
Karen says
When I read Cindi’s comments I said that is us. But then I read Mary’s response and I said oh my we have twin families. Our 2 great kids are grown up and married and they spend their extra savings on travel just like we did with them. Travel is so educational.
Mary ~ Reflections Around the Campfire says
What neat connections these are, ladies! Congrats to you and your husband, Cindi!
Vicky says
We have been doing a “family fun fund” since last year, every first of the month we transfer money to a separate account. Our only daughter who is six attends a year round school (9 weeks of classes, 3 off) which give us opportunity to travel more often (and off season) and make memories as a family, which are important for us. We do not eat out often or have expensive date nights because we prefer use our money for trips. We are planning a trip to Alaska next year!
Nan says
I’ve never been a big spender so that has enabled me to go to Hawaii and Europe and send all 3 of my children away to college without incurring debt. I still work though and have no plans to retire. Now I’m saving for a used car for my oldest grandson- my pleasure. I own my home and really have few wants.
Stephanie says
Yeah. We ended up front loading family experiences since we don’t know how long l will be around. We have savings, education funds, and are able to pay all of our bills but we take a trip of some kind every year instead of the original plan of every two or three years.
Jennifer Y. says
This is such an interesting topic! And funny enough, it is difficult for me to even define myself as a spender or saver. I am both depending on the specifics involved.
I am definitely a saver when it comes to household maintenance. I rarely purchase new household items, including large things like furniture and decor. My home is largely furnished with hand me down/used items (dining table and chairs, living room couches, bedroom sets). I think my household would greatly benefit from a cleaning service, but I cannot justify the monthly expense because I am capable of cleaning it.
In the past year, I have moved from a saver to spender regarding self care. I opted for a better wardrobe, regular haircuts and manicures. In justification, I see these changes as directly impacting my professional career. (but my frugal self really does consider these luxurious)
Annie says
What helps me loosen the purse strings is meeting my needs/savings plan first, then considering if my want will truly be worth the time and effort I put in at work to earn the money I’ll be parting with. Eating at restaurants often on a regular basis is not usually worth it, saving for a really special restaurant meal once in a while usually is. Buying many pieces of cheap clothing that I’ll have to replace in less than a year isn’t, patiently looking for a few well-made pieces that will last for years is.
Claudia says
Due to some changes of circumstances last year, I’ve really tightened my belt (I was never a crazy spender in the first place). I have a tricky situation. I run my own business so income is unpredictable. I have quite a lot in savings but I don’t own my own house because I can’t get a mortgage as a self employed person. So my savings kind of sit there.
I’m also single so anything and everything is down to me. I also don’t have a pension for retirement and I’ve reached an age where I can’t put aside the money for one and there’s little point now anyway, so I invest my savings where I can, keeping them to hand in case I suddenly need money for something I couldn’t predict like having to move again because my landlord is selling up or a new car because mine has died.
That said, I look at all these zeros in the bank and think ‘what am I putting myself through all this for?’ I scrimp and scrape to the point of switching off my heating in the winter, having little social life and not going out very often, with no idea whether or not I am ever going to reap the rewards of my saving or if I will ever be able to enjoy it anyway. They say you should predict 80% of your income for retirement. Sad to say the UK state pension is already equal to my current earnings. This makes me wonder…..
Jenelle says
I was going to say the same thing about having a very little social life because I say “no” to so many things (dinners out with friends, experiences, etc). It becomes depressing, especially when it’s not a choice its a reality because of the little money in the bank. I’m right there with you. Currently, I would like to buy some new clothes for work for the warmer weather. I feel guilty of even wanting new clothes (when my basic need of clothing is met) but I also am tired of sewing holes and mending just to keep these going.
Jenny says
Regarding being self-employed (Claudia), I am self-employed and have been for years. I, too, have had some recent changes in my situation. The flexibility and autonomy can be great, but it requires a good bit of self-discipline and also seeking expert help at times. So, I am kind of mystified about why you couldn’t get a mortgage (I have, several times) if you wanted to own a home, and, of course, we self-employed ladies have to make our own pensions by having and carefully managing and funding IRAs. I have a great lawyer, a great accountant, and a personal financial planner, all of which I need, because it can get complicated. I don’t think it’s ever too late, though. Even if you don’t make a huge amount of money, these things are tax deductions if you do them properly. Using professionals has earned/saved me many thousands of dollars, and allowed me to feel happy and positive about my situation, and I hope the same for you! Here is a website about the financial planner (it’s really important to get the right kind; I learned this the hard way!) https://www.napfa.org
Deidre says
I think it sounds like you need to see a financial advisor – I don’t know about the UK but in Aus there is some really great free help out there, maybe you could try some government websites/local council. If you could get a loan for a 2 bedroom apartment you could rent out the other room; I have a friend who is an older single lady & she rents out the other rooms in her house to international students. The other option I would consider if I were you is to see if you have any friends or relatives in a similar situation who you could buy together with – done with the right legal set up this can work very well. I understand sharing may be out there for you but it’s worth considering for the long-term benefit – btw the best nights I have with my friends are pot luck nights so why not institute one of those at your place, and there’s lots of free activities you can start or join in to get social.
Allison says
I practice frugality in many areas of my life so that I CAN spend freely and even lavishly on the things that matter most to me. My approach to my financial management and deciding when to spend vs save is whether a purchase is in line with my priorities. Every now and then I do some reflecting on what kinds of things bring me actual, longer-lasting happiness – vs a brief high from consumption. I prioritize those things, and that makes it easy to forego other things.
Sometimes I practice experiments, like “What happens if I don’t get this thing?” Sometimes I cut things out of necessity that I thought were integral to my happiness and I find they weren’t. It’s all a work in progress. But overall, we’re not broke anymore, we’re meeting our savings goals, we don’t have consumer debt or a car loan… I’m fine loosening the purse strings a bit and enjoying life mindfully.
Becky says
I’m a natural saver. Husband is to a point. We have a mortgage where I pay the amount required plus another amount (half the normal payment) added to the principle. It takes the balance down quicker. We also go on a “spending diet†once a year. That means we spend half what we normally do on groceries, no extra spending on things not needed at the moment and so on. We use part of what we save to pay property taxes and the rest is an extra payment on the principle of our house payment. We don’t suffer on that spending diet because we know the benefits benefit us more than doing a lot of spending.
We also did a big purge of things no longer wanted or needed. That sure helps in the no spending area. Less stuff, less waste. Husband sold several big machines he no longer uses and I sold a few sewing machines.
Rejena says
For the YOLO expenses, I try to make the most of those dollars! I try to use my discretionary funds on something more memorable. If say, foregoing my daily coffee out means that I can take the kids to an amusement park once a year, that’s much more meaningful and memorable! Since my dollars are not unlimited, I have to choose which I prefer. I can make a coffee at home–the amusement park in my backyard would be a little more difficult!
Linda Sand says
We gave each family member, including the adults, an allowance. You could save it or spend it however you wanted. So, I could buy my husband that camera lens he wanted and he could take me out for a nice dinner and our daughter could add to her record collection without any of us feeling guilty.
Battra92 says
I generally don’t spend money on myself much. I mean, I buy some music once in a while or a movie or something but in general, I don’t ever go all out.
Sometimes it sucks to compare to others I know who travel around a lot and are always doing things with friends and stuff. Granted, I don’t exactly have friends locally so I just have to be content with doing things alone or with the wife and kid.
Ruth says
I agree that setting aside spending money is important in giving yourself the freedom to buy something outside the realm of basic necessities.
The area where I’ve struggled to spend recently (the last few years) is on clothes for myself. I stopped working 4.5 years ago to stay home with our kids and now that I don’t need professional clothes I feel guilty every time I need to buy new jeans or tops or something. It helps me to hear how much money we have in our clothing budget category and get encouragement from my husband that yes, this is ok. I need clothes, too (and that fit – thank you, 3 babies in 5 years.)
Jody S. says
Yes! After 14 years, I am now done nursing. Yesterday when I asked my husband if he liked a dress I found online (brand new!), he ordered it without blinking. There is a wedding coming up, and I really wanted to wear a dress instead of shirt and skirt.
Ruth says
How exciting!!
Amanda says
These are excellent points. I am frugal as well, and I never lived on a budget because I thought the point of a budget was to restrict your spending. The result being that I felt like I had failed every time I bought anything that wasn’t food! I finally get that budgets are about empowerment. We planned for X. We saved for it. Now it is okay to spend it.
Another strategy that was helpful for me was to name our savings accounts. For years we piled up cash in one account. Then when we needed a car I had a hard time letting go of our “hard-earnings savings.†After listening to Dave Ramsey, we put six months of cash in an emergency fund that we only use for emergencies. Then our other savings account became the “fix the porch account†or the “new truck account.†Before I was “failing†by draining savings. Now I am just executing the purchase we started months before. Money is all a mind game.
I agree also that it is about playing a long game. How does our spending today roll up to our larger goals and values? We diligently save to hit goals like paying cash for college and having plenty of cash in retirement, but we also set aside cash to travel because we want to enjoy this precious time when our kids are kids.
nicoleandmaggie says
Having lots saved and a big safety net and being ok in most common disaster scenarios (ex. one of us loses a job) has allowed me to loosen up.
Effie says
Our frugal journey is motivated by wanting to give our kids the best start we can by avoiding mindless spending and concentrating on things that enhance their lives. This includes educational and fun experiences now and putting money aside for their futures.
Today it was the school holidays so I took my son to the Natural History Museum (which is free and fantastic). We had a frugal day and have had a frugal holiday so far, which has freed up enough budget for a family trip
to a amusement park. So for me it’s a balance, money is just one of many tools to have a good life. This month my mortgage over payment won’t be very much but I will make one and we won’t accumulate debt.
Kris says
I think my approach is much like Effie’s. Your #3 point–consider the big picture–is what I use when I consider how our spending affects our family. We don’t eat out often (saving $$) which allows us to have money for vacations. I want my kids to grow up being financially responsible but understanding that, if your basic expenses have been met and you have a rainy day fun, it’s ok to splurge a little on something which you value.
Anne says
My mom and dad always took trips, even when they didn’t have a lot of money. My dad built a camper in the 60s, and that got us to a lot of interesting places. When my folks were in their 70s, their advice was “make memories, it goes so fast.” We were fortunate enough that my husband was making pretty great money in consulting for most of the time we were raising our kids, and we took some pretty great vacations with them, and alone. We definitely made memories, in California, up and down the east coast, in Israel. When my husband had a heart attack several years ago we were SO glad we’d done that traveling, and it remains a priority for us, even though we downsized his career significantly.
Suzan says
I find it difficult to save. My big weakness is spending on my family. This last weekend I took my daughters to Melbourne for a short break. They had a blast but mum is broke. Yesterday mu had three needles and I had to collect one of the prescriptions.
Having said that day to day I have a very small income and have to stretch it until it screams. There is little I can do to increase my income so I try to set aside money at the beginning of each fortnight.
Millicent Borges Accardi says
YOLO depends upon values, what YOU value and what you think is important and significant, to you and what you want out of life. As an example, I personally don’t care about jewelry or things or spa-days or shopping BUT I do value experiences and travel. So I would be MUCH more likely to “blow” $900 on airfare to Prague than on a tennis bracelet. And, once I AM traveling, I actually prefer living like a native, rather than in a posh hotel, staying in an airbnb or hostel and staying put for awhile: buying groceries, walking in the park or on the beach, going to church and the movie theater, attending a lecture at the library or a school, going to a yard sale, etc. . .all of which ARE ultimately frugal choices!
Judy says
My husband and I are both pretty frugal. I have an easier time spending than he does.
As an airline family travel was always at the top of our list, but we also were pretty
frugal about that. We wanted the experiences for our daughters. We’ve been mortgage
free since our 40’s. My husband put my 2 daughters and me through college. Retirement
savings was always at the top of our list even when we thought we couldn’t afford it.
Now in our 70’s we are thankful for our frugal lifestyle, our travels, and our investment
incomes. We now have extra money and a commitment to save for our 2 grandchildren’s
college educations. We are not grandparents who buy lots of toys but we do provide
experiences and consumable type gifts.
Basically we are still very frugal, but able to splurge if we feel like it. Our wants and
needs are pretty few. We also are really glad we traveled when we were younger because
we’d mostly rather stay home now.
Laura says
Gosh, I have seen so many people that have saved, saved, saved, to the point that they then are then too old or ill to enjoy it, my dad included. Turned out he was very wealthy, but became ill and that was that.
My attitude is spend on things you love, that bring you joy (this includes my grown sons) but always makes sure you have that little pot of money that will save the day if it comes to it.
Bobi says
I’m a little late to this discussion but after watching many elderly family members spend their entire life savings on nursing home care while non-savers “enjoy” (NOT) the same nursing home experience at government expense, I don’t necessarily advocate no savings but do advocate spending to actually enjoy life while you can instead of enjoying the fruits of your labor in a nursing home.
Mary says
I am a saver married to another saver and line items help a lot. Looking at my budget and saying “Oh, there’s an extra $150 in the personal care budget–go get your hair cut” is easier than justifying why I DON’T need to spend it.
I realize this is a bit of a tangent, but retirement calculators never seem to factor frugality in–my husband is a high earner so it says we need a ridiculous amount of money monthly in retirement. Our house will be paid off by then and short of spending basically all our time traveling I cannot even fathom what we would do with our current income (which pays off our 15 year mortgage and saves for our kids college as well as retirement)
Amanda Ashley says
I find it hard to loosen up and spend. I do sometimes and then I feel buyers remorse and feel guilty! It’s so hard to balance. I want to make memories with my kids and I also want to get ahead financially and sometimes I can’t figure out which one is more important!