On my birthday: 20 Things I've Learned

ByKristen
56 Comments

Today is my birthday, and so I'm gonna take a little detour off the frugal path and instead write a random list of things I've learned in the 37 years I've existed.

20 Things I've Learned

(I was gonna write 37 things, but I ran out of time.   So, um, here's 20 instead. 😉 )

One

There are many right ways to do things...many right ways to parent, cook, do marriage, handle money, spend time, and so on.

(There are some wrong ways to do things too.   But what I've learned is that in many cases, it's not like there's ONE right way, and all the others are wrong.)

Two

My way of doing things isn't necessarily superior.

I happen to be a morning person.   A homebody. A person who prefers quiet over noise.

But this doesn't mean I'm better than a night owl who loves to be out in a noisy city.

Different, not better.

Three

I function better when I plan ahead and think ahead.

This doesn't meant I can't grow in spontaneity (especially because some of my household members love spontaneity), but it does mean that if I'm smart, I'll try to plan ahead and think ahead when possible.

Four

I don't need as much stuff as I think I do.

Less is almost always better for me.   Fewer clothes are better than more.   Less kitchen equipment is better than more.

(Especially when the things I DO own are things I really love.)

Five

I'm selfish.

I used to think, pre-marriage and pre-kids, that I was fairly unselfish.   But I think I was under that impression just because I hadn't really been tested in that area.

Marriage and kids have a way of exposing selfishness.   😉

Six

Dark chocolate is always better than milk chocolate.   And I actually do like 85% dark chocolate.

Seven

Kindness is powerful.   And a soft answer really does turn away wrath (most of the time).

Eight

A neat home makes me feel better.   Neatness doesn't matter to some people (and that's fine!) but I feel better when my home isn't cluttered and disorganized.

Nine

I've had a lot of privileges that many other people haven't, and it's important for me to see that.   A lot of my successes in life are due to these privileges, and not due to me being awesome.

This sort of deflates my pride.

And that's both painful and good.

Ten

What's inside a person is what matters.   And this is good news because the outsides of most of us go downhill as the years go by.

Eleven

There are upsides and downsides to every stage of a child's life. The best thing is to look for the upsides of each childhood stage.

And when the downsides drive you crazy, remember it's a stage.

Twelve

It's ok not to like everything.   I don't have to like every food, or every genre or art/music, or every hobby, or every part of mothering/wifing, or every task.

And this is true even if someone else DOES like the things I don't like.

Thirteen

Everyone's lives are messy in some way or another.   Everyone has their own particular sorrow or burden, even people who at first appear to have no sorrows.

Fourteen

I can do hard things.

Fifteen

There are upsides to some of the downsides of my personality.   I'm sensitive and care too much what other people think.

But the upside of this is that I am sensitive to and care about other people's feelings.

Sixteen

I like sunshine and light. I didn't always realize how much light affects my mood, but it really does.

Seventeen

While I love to take pictures for other people, I don't really like doing it for pay.   I thought I would (get paid to do something I love?   Perfect!), so I'm as surprised by this as anyone else.

Eighteen

Showing love to others is crazy important.   And a heart attitude of love helps me extend grace to other people.

Nineteen

Saving money is good.   But sometimes spending it is a wise choice.   And it's usually better to give more of it away than I'm inclined to give.

Twenty

God love for me doesn't change based on my behavior.   I can't make him love me more because he already loves me at the maximum level possible.   And I can't make him love me less because Jesus has already taken the wrath for me, and all I know is grace.

(While I never doubted my salvation, I used to think God was angry with me if my behavior was poor, and Milton Vincent's Gospel Primer book is what opened my eyes.)

So, there's abundant grace for me, and that abundant grace allows me to give grace to others.

(Though of course, I never do that perfectly, so thank goodness for grace.)

___________________

P.S. I dropped the ball on this a bit, but there's a big homemaking ebook bundle available, and today is the last day of the sale.

I don't have a book in this bundle, but I'm thinking about buying one for myself (Happy birthday to me? ) partly because of the bonus $60 Craftsy class and the $20 cute scarf I keep seeing on Instagram.

This post contains affiliate links, which help keep the lights on around here at no extra cost to you.

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56 Comments

  1. I'm pretty selfish as well. I'm hoping that will change with the kid on the way (I'm trying!) but it's very difficult to break.

    Also, I've heard the easiest way to kill a hobby is to get paid for it. I loved doing IT work until I got employed in the industry. Now I bake for fun. I'll never turn that into a job.

    Reply

  2. OK, seriously, you sound so much like me. I agree completely with all 20, and all the personality things you listed describe me to a T 🙂 #5 has been a big lesson to learn over the last 8 years as a parent! Happy Birthday!

    Reply

  4. Happy Birthday dear Kristen!

    Thank you, as always, for sharing a slice of your life with us!!

    Reply

  5. Okay--here's another list, things that are awesome about you:

    1. You're a good writer.
    2. You're creative.
    3. You're an awesome mom, wife, and daughter.
    4. You bless so many people, every day with your blog.
    5. You're a fantastic photographer.
    6. You forgive ('ahem'--if you remember some of our dialogues 😉 )
    7. You make the most of the money you have--and share how you do that.
    8. You bring sunshine to all of us--every day that you blog 🙂
    9. You're down-to-earth.
    10. You're accepting of others, even if they're not just like you (or believe just like you).
    11. You make everyone feel at home on your blog!

    Happy Birthday to Awesome You!!!!!

    Reply

  6. Happy birthday!

    These are all awesome. I love the one about not liking everything. That's taken me a long time to figure out too.

    Reply

  8. Happy Birthday! Love this list. Number 9 made me laugh but mostly because it resonates so much with me. Privilege (even when we think so many people have so much more of it) is a really interesting thing. But you're also pretty awesome!

    Reply

    1. The problem comes when I don't recognize all the advantages that I've had. I work hard, but a lot of that is due to growing up in a stable, solid family that taught me how to work hard. Had I not had that privilege, I might not work as hard as I do.

      Or another example: I have a good level of confidence in myself, and I usually think I can do anything I set my mind to. This too, is at least partially due to the supportive environment I grew up in. If I'd heard disparaging remarks as a child ("You'll never be good at anything. How could you have messed this up??"), I'd probably have a lot less confidence.

      For me, recognizing that my successes are not all my own doing is critical in helping me to give grace to other people. Instead of being impatient with others for, say, not being more confident, I can give grace when I see I've had a privilege they haven't.

      Reply

      1. Great points. That's the hard part about many privileges - when it's all you know, you don't realize just how privileged you are. It's things you just take for granted. Happy Bday!

        Reply

  11. Happy Birthday, Kristen. You are my son's age, and that of his wife, named Kristen! Thank you for your list and for the blogs that reflect it. You have made me feel better about being so far from perfect, about often preferring to stay home, about not being very fashionable, and more. Thank you also for sharing vignettes from your family. Celebrate the day.

    Reply

  12. Happy Birthday! My favorite is number 15. I am exactly the same way - and my husband is not - and I see both sides to it.

    Reply

  13. Happy Birthday!

    Number 11 is something I really needed to read today! It's been a tough year with my 5 year old, but it's also been so fun to watch his brain work. Must focus more on his amazing 5 year old self, and not let the defiant, testing the boundaries moments over shadow the day.

    Reply

  14. I totally disagree with you on the chocolate subject. I would rather eat kale than dark chocolate.
    Happy Birthday!

    Reply

      1. I'm not that virtuous! I love milk chocolate, but have never understood the appeal of dark chocolate. I don't enjoy it, so I don't even bother to eat it.

        Reply

  17. Happy Birthday dear Kristen! Echoing what others have said, your blog is a blessing, and my favorite of the ones I follow :). I experience a little hop of joy every day when I see that I've gotten a post in my inbox. Thank you!

    Hope you have a bee-you-tee-ful day.

    Reply

  19. I have pretty much lost the ability to eat milk chocolate. Tastes too sweet with a lack of substance. Not quite into the 85%, but closer to 70%. I've been eating these "Dippers" things that are frozen bananas or strawberries in dark chocolate. In the freezer case. They should seriously ask me to do commercials for them. Best dessert ever, and pretty low-calorie, all told.

    Reply

    1. I used to be sort of ambivalent about dark vs. milk, but ever since I drastically cut back on my sugar intake about a year ago, milk chocolate just seems way too sweet to me.

      I love chocolate dipped bananas! Lisey and I made some for her blog not so long ago.

      Reply

  20. Happy Birthday, Kristen! And I hope we get to share many more with you. I agree with everything except #6. I used to think the darker the chocolate, the better, but a couple of years ago my taste changed back to less dark - more milk chocolate. Give me a regular Hershey bar any day over any other kind of chocolate ( although the dark Kisses are my next favorite) : )

    Reply

  22. First of all, Happy Birthday!

    Second, isn't it possible your love of planning makes the spontaneity able to happen occasionally? I am making something up, but after lunch (does this presume I think I know way too much about your family??) you all decide to go to the water or park. Knowing what is for dinner and/or what you might be able to swap out in your "pantry" make that easier?

    Thank you for your list. Makes me think about making a list about myself just to know that.

    Reply

    1. I suppose that's true some of the time. Thinking ahead makes things like fun outings more doable. But there are definitely times where I just really struggle to drum up a cheerful attitude about doing something spontaneously!

      Reply

  26. I love Number 9

    "I’ve had a lot of privileges that many other people haven’t, and it’s important for me to see that. A lot of my successes in life are due to these privileges, and not due to me being awesome."

    There are so many good things about my life that are just pure luck and have nothing to do with how hard I've worked or not worked, how smart I am, how awesome I am. If every person with privilege could see this, I think the world would be a bit gentler and kinder.

    Reply

  27. Happy Birthday, Kristen! And thank you so much for giving of yourself so generously. I'm really glad that you were born, and that you've enriched so many of our lives. Here's to fabulous celebrations today!

    Reply

  28. Happy Birthday Kristen! Hope your day is super special! I love your blog and look forward to reading it each day. I agree with your whole list - my favorite though is #20. Where would we be without grace?

    Reply

  29. Happy birthday! Today is my daughter's birthday too. 🙂

    I love making that kind of list of "things I have learned" and such. Will try and come up with 38 in June...

    Reply

  30. I just discovered your site and love it. I am going to try the yogurt today.

    It's my birthday today also, so happy birthday to us! 🙂

    Many blessings!

    Reply

  31. In Russia, there is the equivalent of a milk milk chocolate bar. You can hardly hold it without it melting in your hand, it is so milky. I love, love, love it.

    Reply

  32. Happy birthday, Kristen! Your blog is such a source of encouragement and inspiration. Thank you for all your wisdom and insight. On a lighter note, I, too, love dark chocolate and can indulge without guilt now that I know the best place to find it (thanks to you) - Aldi! That place has the best prices on chocolate. I also love a neat house. Outer order contributes to inner calm, as Gretchen Rubin likes to say. Anyway, I hope you have had a wonderful birthday!!

    Reply

  34. I love your blog! I love this post, it makes me smile 🙂 You are always so relatable and I feel like we would be friends.

    Reply

  35. I COMPLETELY loved this post!!!!! I love your honesty and all I was reminded of in reading this post! Kids, life, selfishness.... all of it!!! Thanks for sharing such a great post!
    Jillynn

    Reply

  36. Thank you for your words of wisdom. I am 71 and just learning how to be selfish which is a very good thing for me.

    Happy Birthday one day late!

    Reply

  37. Another Diane chiming in on Birthday Plus One Day. Since I'm late, I'll share a little birthday story. At Christmas one year, my mom's friend Edie gave all of her friends calendars. She wrote her birthday in each one of them, but she spread it out over two weeks! What a way to make the birthday celebrations last.

    Many happy returns, Kristen!

    Reply

  39. Loved your honesty and being real with yourself, and being brave enough to share it! It is wonderful when you can come to a place to accept yourself as who you are and others who are different from you too. I always tell my children, the world would be a sad place if we were all clones and look-alikes. Be yourself, and don't be afraid to be different, and stand for the values and things you believe in. Wonderful words written, and hope your birthday was very special!

    Reply

  42. Belated happy birthday Kristen. I celebrated my 28th birthday last friday. Hurray for April celebrants 🙂 I'm so glad to found your blog. I love #12, 13 & 20.

    Reply