Most of your life will not be extraordinary
I came across this quote on Instagram recently and I saved it because I wanted to share it with you all.
In case someone is using a screen reader and that doesn't translate, the quote says,
"Most of your life will not be extraordinary. Most of your life will be simple things, done regularly. If you are only going to be happy:
- when you're on vacation
- after a lush payday
- after a big career win
...you're going to spend most of your life really dissatisfied.
You either learn to love the day as it is, or you don't learn to love life at all."
I don't think this quote was written with a frugal audience in mind, but I think it is super relevant to the contented living we talk about so often here.
It reminded me a little bit of that post I wrote about really, truly enjoying things.
Since most of your life will be simple things, done regularly, then learning to savor and appreciate the simple things is likely to increase your happiness!
And while "learn to love the day as it is" sounds a bit like a serious exercise in self-discipline, I think of it as something more like...a practice in delight.
I don't think we need to learn to find delight in scrubbing toilets or sitting in traffic; that would be rather delusional.
Instead, I think the key is finding the bits of wonderful sprinkled in among the everyday, monotonous things in life.
Three "practicing delight" ideas
I am sure there are a multitude of ways to get good at practicing delight in the everyday, but here are three that work for me.
1) Take pictures
I really think that photography has upped my noticing skills!
Because I take pictures so often, I notice beautiful scenes, a colorful leaf, a beautiful water droplet, a lovely ray of light, a wispy bit of steam, and so on.
2) Make a list
I do this mostly on Thankful Thursdays, but all throughout the week, my look-for-things-to-appreciate radar is working, collecting things to share with you all. 🙂
This radar helps me notice ordinary things that I can enjoy all the time at little to no cost; a brilliant blue sky, a refreshing shower, a cozy bed, a hot cup of coffee, a delicious sandwich, a cozy hoodie.
3) Tell someone else
When my kids were younger, sometimes at dinner I would have them share the best and worst part of their day (a fun practice when you have a tableful of people!), and that's a simple way to get into the habit of noticing at least one good thing in each day!
I also routinely tell Zoe about delightful things I notice*; I don't know if this habit makes me notice things more, but sharing a joy with someone else does usually amplify the delight.
*Just yesterday I was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm so happy it's sunny! That's two mornings in a row that were forecast to be cloudy but they were sunny instead."
Doing Thankful Thursday posts combines all three of these very nicely; I take pictures, I make a list, and I share it all with you guys. 😉
How do you find delight in the ordinary days?
P.S. Because I know someone will read this and think, "This is toxic positivity! Some days just suck."...yes, it is true. Some days are pretty much terrible from start to finish. But in my personal experience, a lot of days do hold little delights, and I find it to be worth my while to hunt for those delights.
Life has both good and bad, hard and easy, misery and delight; there is room to acknowledge both. 🙂
Spending time with happy little kids will help with this, because they delight in the smallest things and share that with EVERYONE. Not-so-happy little kids are another story . . .
That is so true! They are less jaded than most adults. 🙂
And regarding your last sentence...they share their not so happy moments with everyone too. ha.
@kristin @ going country, seeing the world through the eyes of children does give you a completely different perspective. I don’t think there is anything better than hearing them squeal with joy.
@kristin @ going country, So true. Little ones see the world with fresh eyes. Everything is a wonder to them. Having kids helped me notice all those everyday details of life.
I spent some time with friends this past weekend, including 6 kids. It was so fun to watch the 3-year-old be delighted opening and closing the screen door for about 15 minutes. I commented to my friends that I miss doors being that exciting 🙂
Thankfully I get a lot of satisfaction from orderliness - things having a place and things being in their place. Not always enough to balance out some big things but it means I have many little "oh, that's nice" moments.
@WilliamB, I like this too which is why adjusting to an ADHD household is tough sometimes.
@Battra92, I’m in the same boat and it really is; ditto with kids, right? At least semi-temporarily. For me, it has the effect of increasing the pleasure when it does happen.
@WilliamB, right with you on the orderliness front. It soothes my soul.
@WilliamB, Count me in on a serene living space being comforting. As the book title says, Outer Order, Inner Calm.
And, yes, the time with young (and teen) kids creates a wrinkle in orderliness. Luckily, kids are delightful in their own ways, such as what Kristen mentions about fun answers around the dinner table and the squeals of joy at simple things someone else noted.
@WilliamB, Different strokes---when I go into a place that is super orderly, my instinct is to want to mess it up a little. Maybe even a lot. It is only when we have a guest coming that I try to tidy things up but even then my house looks rather haphazard to other people. I like seeing my books and papers all over and my husband says I have never met a countertop I didn't immediately cover with stuff. In fact, if we have a guest for too long, and I have worked diligently to keep things orderly for them, when they leave I feel like exploding---like one of those gender reveal guns that shoots confetti and makes a mess all over. Only mine would be multi-colored with neon bits of paper.
@Lindsey, that reminds me of my brother - when he was little, still just crawling, he would hover near the chair where my father was reading the newspaper and carefully laying the sections down on the floor beside him. My brother would creep up silently and then just sort of pounce onto the pile of paper, every limb scrabbling in a different direction so the newspapers would crumple loudly and fly chaotically in all different directions. He had the most beatific grin on his face.
I'm a lover of simplicity and lack of visual clutter myself, but the joy that gave him always made my day. Kind of like your neon confetti cannon.
@WilliamB, When things stress me out I reorganize the pantry. Or a bathroom closet. Sometimes just the spice cabinet.
@Lindsey, That made me laugh. All you would need to do is come to my office. My desk is never cleaned off because when it comes to projects (updating will, paying bills, etc.) out of sight is out of mind for me.
@Battra92, We are a household with three ADHD adults, and the order is what brings me peace. (not all ADHD people are messy ones!) I don't tell anyone how to clean or organize their rooms - they can simply close the door, and when its important to them, they will deal with it. They may learn someday that an orderly home helps them manage other aspects of life. It did for me. Then I look around and notice the small things more easily and I feel the happiness of them.
I had many day brighteners yesterday. I spent the morning walking through nurseries with my daughter while she picked out plants for her front porch, patio, and window box. She and I discovered new flowers such as orange and yellow petunias and maroon hydrangeas. I don't know if they are actually new, but they were new to us. After a morning of sun and a lot of walking, I took the afternoon to read and relax. I had a visit from two little neighbor girls who brought me beautiful peonies, so happy to see their smiling faces. My daughter invited over for dinner and I got to see the results of her busy afternoon, the colorful front porch, window box, and several planters that she had created with all of her nursery finds. It made me happy to see her so pleased with herself.
Last week there was a Babylon Bee "article" whose headline read, "'I Wish I Were Rich,' Says Man Who Has A Family, Roof Over His Head, Self-Propelled Lawn Mower." I don't have a lawn mower but I do have people who come and cut my lawn for me (a bill I happily pay over doing it myself!)
I guess it's like how you can't always be on vacation because if you are then you'd never have a break from your vacation.
@Battra92,
Lol, I love the Babylon Bee and The Onion. My husband was delighted when we bought our current home, because he could justify getting a riding lawn mower (we have a corner lot with a large amount of lawn). The shine of that purchase quickly wore off, though he does still mow our lawn with it.
@Battra92,
I saw that headline too-it was a good one.
Choose joy!I love this because it truly is a choice to enjoy the simple things that bring joy, happiness and pleasure or choose to be miserable daily.
Have you read anything by Kate Bowler or listened to her podcasts? Check her out. The latest is "Have a terrible, beautiful day!"
Kathy M,
I got it backwards!
Have a beautiful, terrible day!
Yes! I love her approach.
@Kathy M, just requested four of her books from my library. Thank you so much.
I grew up living on the ocean and both my parents loved nature. They would have their morning coffee and read the paper while watching the sunrise. We ate breakfast and dinner outside on beautiful days. We watched the ocean roil when it was stormy. We looked for whales during migration season.
Most of our lives were filled with ordinary moments. My father commuted into the city for work. There was laundry and vacuuming. I always seemed to have tons of homework. Just everyday life. However, my parents always took a moment to appreciate the beauty around them. We were fortunate that they passed that gift on to my sisters and me. We have passed it on to our children.
I think a beautiful sunset is an extraordinary moment. I think that the potential of seeing the Northern Lights in North Florida is exciting. I think the roar of the ocean and birdsong are as beautiful as a symphony. John Muir said, “Most people are on the world not in it.” I try to be in it.
@Bee, well said, and I try to do the same!
@Bee,
You stated that perfectly! I so enjoy hearing the morning birdsong as I step outside to go to work, and in the evening when I come home. Hubby and I looked for the Northern Lights here in Ohio on Saturday night, and while we didn't see any, the sky was so clear, and we could see so many stars! This weekend was unseasonably clear, breezy and beautiful.
Relatedly, a poem that's been on my mind lately -
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.
Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow
By Mary Jean Irion
@Laura, thanks for sharing! So true!
@Laura, After I was at my sickest and for so long, I remember crying the first time I was able to go into a coffee shop. It was so ordinary, to walk in, order, be well enough to eat a scone and have a drink, and to know that I would be leaving to run errands. The ordinary was what I longed for when I was in the hospital. I used to look out the window and people jogging past and would think that they probably were not appreciating how lucky they were to just be doing the ordinary, daily chores of life.
@Lindsey,
It's so true, isn't it? On a much smaller scale, I can't ride a bike right now - and I don't know if I'll ever be able to - I think the same thing when I see people effortlessly riding bikes.
Thank you Kristen for always posting your walks in the woods. In the morning, on Mother's day my 2 grown children called me.
Then my healthy husband and I also healthy took a walk in beautiful weather on my favorite wooded hike. The sun was dappling on the water making for some beautiful pictures. Noticed by me because of you.
So all in all a perfect Mother's day. Oh and in the afternoon I sat outside in that perfect weather and read my book.
Kind of related: I always try and go outside at least once a day for a walk, even if it's raining. I always feel better after being out in nature and getting some fresh air...and if not, I always really appreciate being back indoors!
Sometimes I really need a day where I just don't go out at all but generally I try and get fresh air at some point!
I've been on an archive binge, since I'm a pretty new reader. I remember reading about Kristen doing a monthly happiness challenge a few years back.
This part reminded me of that challenge: "And while “learn to love the day as it is” sounds a bit like a serious exercise in self-discipline, I think of it as something more like…a practice in delight".
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but sometimes I think the type A/overachiever/weirdos into personal development need to make happiness and gratitude a challenge. Otherwise it gets lost in the madness of other goals.
@Andrea, I try not to be sappy about it, because it takes more words and more time to explain "finding joy" that it does to actually find joy. Some days the moment comes to you, and you take a breath and think to yourself, "There it is!"
How do I find delight:
1. Dogs. Making up stories about them.
2. Hot showers.
3. Good food.
4. Staring at the ocean.
5. My favorite books.
6. Thinking about bad times and being grateful they're over.
(PS, my mother died yesterday. It was stressful because my sibs and I hadn't made the concrete plans we should have and I had to deal with it, as well as frantic calls from the nursing home about someone having to pick up the body, and getting pushback from people about not having a funeral or service. But that's all been done. And please no I'm sorrys or Thinking of yous from the rest of you. I'm already full up with those. Weirdo. Today I might just sit in the sun and read, not sure.)
@Rose, I think sitting in the sun and reading sounds like exactly the right plan.
@Rose, Sending you love and prayers and support. And if you prefer not having funeral services, you do what is best for you and your sibs. Stay strong and do what YOU need to do -- sitting in the sun, reading, whatever.
@Rose, About that last bit: I kind of felt like that with Mother's Day hype.
@Jody S., I asked about Mother's Day last year.
https://www.thefrugalgirl.com/qa-duolingo-mothers-day-nursing-specialties-and-fried-eggs/
Guess I got my answer.
@Rose, my side of the family doesn't do funerals. When my brother had a boat, we scattered ashes. My husband and I will be cremated and placed in the wall at a military cemetary. No gatherings.
@Rose, I hope you get to sit in the sun, ready, and enjoy the day.
@Rose, I hope your time in the sun with your book is good for your heart. Reading in sunshine is always a gift.
@Rose, it's a thing, how a little bit of sympathy goes a really long ways. When my brother died, I very effectively isolated for over a month because the first couple days were way too much. So. If you're weird, then I am too.
@Rose, I have instructed my family and my closest friends that I do not want a funeral. I have told everyone because I know someone will be upset with either my husband or my boys for not having doing it, but it is my wishes. I expect the most pushback will be from the funeral industry/services. My husband wants the whole shebang and that's ok as it is his wishes.
I pray people offer you the kindness and grace to respect her wishes and allow you to mourn and reflect in your own way. ((hugs))
@Rose, I looked back at that link. Ironic, isn't it?
@Rose, It seems odd, but here is to not thinking of you today! Hope you have more sunshiune and reading today.
@Lindsey, Yes, since yesterday was a washout, I declared today "Mother's Day Observed." Son is helping a lot.
Stories about dogs: we have always had long running series about our various dogs. Since Rescue Pup is so ridiculously smart, we've decided he moonlights as a lawyer, referencing the immortal line from "Air Bud": "ain't no rule that says a dog can't take the bar exam!"
Re my mother's wishes: she never stated them except she wanted to be buried with my father. However--that grave is full. There's my father in there and coffins for my two younger brothers. We're going to ask if we can put her cremains in there; if not, we'll scatter them. Whatever her wishes would be, they wouldn't be this, but they're my and my two sibs' wishes and that's the way it is.
@Rose,
Spending time with your pupsters, reading a good book, sitting in the sun - maybe all three at the same time, if your pups can safely go outside with you (my dog likes to bolt if he goes outside in an unfenced area) - sounds like a wonderful way to spend the day. And whatever you feel is 100% right. Funeral or no funeral, do what your heart and soul suggest is the right thing to do.
@Liz B., All of mine are scent hounds and they will go after a scent. That's why I have a six foot stockade fence in the main house backyard and same in the cottage backyard. Bonus: keeps deer out because they won't jump if they can't see what's on the other side.
@Rose, Grab that beam of sunshine and read that book. Put it down and feel whatever you need to - these are tough days.
@Rose, when my dad died, I only looked at the signatures on the cards. A year later, I put an entire grocery bag full in the trash because I couldn't look again.
@Rose, in situations like that, you do the best you can and just ignore the rest. I think of it as radical emotional triage. It sounds like that's been your wise approach.
Dogs are always the best!
I think however you choose to process this event is exactly the right way to do it. I hope you've gotten some sun and reading in.
@Rose,
When my father was dying, I asked him what he would like me to do when he passed away and what were his final wishes. In my father’s humorous way he said, “ You do whatever will make you happy, sweetheart. I won’t be attending this event.”
@Bee, I told my kids I don't want a funeral, but hell, if they want to have one, whatever, as long as my friend who's an Episcopal priest "Ashes to ashes, funk to funky," which he's already agreed to do.
@Bee, I LOVE this. I have instructed my family that “I want no one to profit from my demise”. No muss, no fuss. When my sister passed we had a celebration of life at her house 4 weeks later and served her favorite foods from her favorite places (takeout and put in pretty bowls/trays). It was fun. Someone who attended marveled at the event saying “I didn’t know you could do this instead of a funeral”. I think one’s personal values need to be respected and also the age and religious beliefs (if any) of the person is a big factor. For example, I have always thought that burying “fine furniture “ (caskets) was horrific but for some people it’s the only thing they would do. To each their own.
@Rose, thanks for your authenticity and sharing your journey.
Yes to everything you said.
But also. I feel as though when I was growing up, our culture pushed the "you can be anything you want to be" idea. For me, that felt like pressure to be extraordinary. I needed to be an important doctor. I needed to be an inspiring teacher...the kind people make movies about. I needed to be a famous person of some sort, somebody notable. I hope it is different for others now because that is a lot of pressure (which, by the way, my parents never put on me). I really, really, really appreciate normal now. Routine. Plain. It is so underrated.
I am so happy about sunshine this morning.
@Jody S., I have not lived up to the expectations of my youth, and I find as I get older that I am much happier not. Won't ever be wealthy or famous (only one of which would be helpful in any way, lol) but I will gladly "settle" for being known as solid and chill.
@Karen., "only one which would be helpful," lol. "Solid and chill" yeah, sounds better than some of the things I have already heard about myself.
@Karen., Yes. I'm not sure if I'll ever be known as chill by those who know me, but I'm okay with boring or predictable. Unknown. Poor (gulp).
@Ginger Bruce, Every time I read your name I am startled! Like a mashup of Cream without Eric Clapton. (Ginger Baker, Jack Bruce.)
great post u r so busy now but u put out a1 quality every time. am so grateful to u i have a dream for us all to meet someday irl. love the chiquita photos. some more of shelley would be appreciated. u made my day. my son is very sick has been out of school over a week. he is in middle school so school is so important. has been to the dr. 3 times. they just say he will get better but he doesn't.
I disagree. I think most of our lives are extraordinary. Everything we do has the power to impact others for better or for worse. So it is important to be thoughtful. To do no harm. To make a positive difference no matter how small.
@Nicoleandmaggie,
I love this perspective!
I heartily agree with all of Kristen's points. I also like to read authors who can help me cultivate that kind of mindset.
One of my favorite authors in this arena has to be Anne Lamott, who calls herself "a woman of faith and cranky optimism," and can somehow help me feel joy even in burdens like a DMV visit because of the camaraderie of sharing the indignity. (Ex: quote from a recent article where she's talking about the many things she's afraid of: "Maybe worst of all, I have to get my driver's license renewed fairly soon, which means I have to take the written test. I would rather go to my periodontist and let her do the deep gum planing that she seems to enjoy. Even five years ago, when I last went to the DMV to renew my license, I was full of dithery fear, bumbling around like Mr. Magoo on crack cocaine looking for the right counter. To my astonishment, I passed the test. But now, only five years later, I have to do it again. It's so wrong.") Exactly..
@Suz, she is an awesome writer, isn’t she?!
@Suz, can't you do it online? I agree with the "DFW" trip. I went there twice in the last 2 weeks for work. Stressful.
@Suz, Anne Lamott just cracks me up!
No matter how appreciative and greatful one is, chronic health problems can really challenge you on a daily basis.
And although there are people and situations that bring delight, they are not, alas, available frequently.
So, what I list here may not sound all that special or delightful.
Having food that I enjoy in my home and being able to eat it brings delight (I have had so many gastro problems that any day without one is celebrated.).
Listening to music I like, whenever I want, is a delight.
Watching those wonderful animal clips online where we see cats, dogs, and all sorts of creatures just doing sweet and loving things...as well as outright funny, looking at you the cats of america!---gives me lots of laugh.
Unfortunately, it's hard for me to get outside regularly but I am blessed with West-facing windows and when the sun is out, it's great. I also have a sliver of a view of a nearby park and a sliver of a view of the Hudson River. It is amazing how much delight I take in the sun and the views of the nearby park and water. (We used to have almost a ten block unobstructed river view until several high rises were built but I'll take whatever bits I can have!)
And the joy that I get from watching and participating in Jeopardy every day is boundless. (Especially when I get a correct answer and none of the four do or when I get the final jeopardy question right...and the guests don't!
Doing the NYTimes Connections puzzle and the Daily Spelling Bee (harder than you might imagine to do to spell out the daily number alloted to be made from just 7 letters. ) brings joy to me and untold others it seems as well.
There's fewer and fewer TV shows I watch anymore but when they are on (Chicago Fire, Blue Bloods, the new Elsbeth, Guy's Grocery Games, House Hunters International, Supermarket Stakeout), I thoroughly enjoy them.
And when I can actually get some real sleep, it's heaven. Not often enough but I savor every bit as it is hard to come by when you have serious sleep issues.
Oh, and when I see or talk to the people I love and care for. That's always the best.
@Irena, Greetings from a fellow Jeopardy! FANatic! I agree Spelling Bee is difficult, but I usually try it right after Wordle.
BTW, I have a 29-day-straight winning streak on Wordle. I'm 91% after 590+ games over many, many moons.
I'm nowhere near 91% on Spelling Bee. Today was extra frustrating.
@Irena, Yes. I'm sure it's a lot easier to "choose joy!!!" when you don't have chronic pain. Right now, my back hurts, my legs hurt and I'm starting my daily migraine. But then I'm a Type A overachiever and I don't have the damn energy to make a positive influence every day.
@Fru-gal Lisa, I thought I was doing good with an 18-day winning streak! For the record I have lost only five since I've started playing but did not keep record at the beginning. 98%.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
My husband and I play Wordle, octordle, word hurdle and word blossom ( similar to spelling bee) every day over coffee. We take turns choosing the a different starting word everyday so Wordle will be more challenging. It is funny how similar our logic processes are. We report in on our results even when he is traveling for business.
My longest streak was 200 + days. The first time I ever missed was the same day that I had my car accident. Call me superstitious, but I now do not like to drive on the days that I miss.
@Irena, I love the NYT word games too. When I wake up in the middle of the night, it's wordle, then connections, then strands. Spelling bee happens on my computer sometime during the work day. 🙂
@Fru-gal Lisa, I volunteer at a charity thrift shop. Recently a lady bought a collection of Shakespeare books and told me she needed to brush up on her Shakespeare knowledge because she is a big Jeopardy fan and they often ask questions that require that knowledge.
I'd say that a high level of ordinariness appreciation (or, as some cynics might put it, a high level of tolerance for boredom) has been a gift to me throughout life. So have openness to what the universe is telling me and an ability to laugh at myself, both of which I experienced this morning:
I was a bit cranky with myself yesterday because I thought I'd left a full bottle of eyedrops (just ordinary TheraTears, but no eyedrops are cheap these days) on the table at the restaurant where I had lunch with my JASNA Panera friend on Saturday. But on this morning's walk, I picked up one of those rubber-band bracelets that read, "I'm not perfect." The other side, when I turned it around, read, "But I'm still good enough." I laughed the rest of the way home. (And then I found the missing eyedrops when I dived all the way to the bottom of my purse. Self-acceptance rewarded!)
@A. Marie,
I love that the universe sent you this message and what a wonderful message it is!!!
Yay for found eyedrops!
After having a morning worthy of the Manic Monday song, I got to my substitute job and to the classroom just as the bell rang. Last night, I decided to forego TV and radio -- didn't need any reminders of holidays I no longer celebrate since my mother's passing many years ago. Instead, I just read. I snuggled into bed and my elderly dog got onto her floor pillow and stayed nice and quiet, eventually going to sleep. As did I. Having nice quiet evenings (OK, late nights....) is a pure delight. My dog has cancer and I know we won't have a whole lot of evening like this left.
I love the bit about the dinner-time questions. I used to do that at bedtime. As I tucked each child in I'd ask them "What was the best thing about today?". If they couldn't come up with something I'd help them out with something I saw them do or overheard them say. Between us, we always had something good to say even if they started out saying that today sucked.
I love the line you said "finding the bits of wonderful sprinkled in among the everyday, monotonous things in life" I agree with this wholeheartedly! There is always something even if it's just the weather. Thanks for the post.
Roze
This post really resonated with me. While I was frugal in many areas of my life to prioritize travel, which indeed gave us wonderful memories, memories of everyday life are just as precious. My children are grown, but I have wonderful memories of us talking as we walked out dogs, going to a nearby beach, playing in the garden, or watching a DVD while eating homemade pizza.
Sadly I recently lost my beloved husband. The memories I miss most are having coffee together in the morning, going to an inexpensive local restaurant, simple dinners at home followed by Netflix, or sitting on the sofa reading
@Lizzy, I am sorry for your loss, but I hope those good memories are a comfort to you.
@Lizzy, hands across the miles from another fairly recent widow (my DH died last June). And I absolutely get it about missing the ordinary moments the most. As Kristen said in the original post, we have a lot more of those than of mountaintop highs--and it sounds as if you and I were both fortunate to be married to men with whom we could treasure the ordinary moments.
I've just gotten down my copy of Thornton Wilder's Our Town and gone back to the line that moved me most, even when I was a junior in high school playing a bit part in it: After Emily's death, and after she has gone back in time to her 12th birthday and had her heart broken by the beauty of ordinary life, she sobs, "Do any human beings realize life while they live it?--every, every minute?" I didn't actually weep over that line at age 17, but I just reread all of Act III, and I'm crying now.
Oh, Lizzy. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and I hope the sweet memories you shared with him bring some comfort to you in these tough days. Thank you for sharing.
I feel lucky because I seem to have been born with a naturally enthusiastic/optimistic nature, and I DO delight in small daily things so very much.
My favorite small things that bring me pure delight:
The night I have FRESH SHEETS on the bed.. ooh la la.
The smell of my favorite bath gel in the shower..lavender and citrus scents perk me up!
My soft nightgown and pajama collection.Love slipping into my pretty night clothes.
MUSIC: finding new playlists on spotify..I often have music playing when I am in the house.I love Bossa Nova, Oldies, Motown, Chill and some electronica.My son helps me find new stuff I would not discover..
GOOD FOOD made at home in my own kitchen. I love my own cooking,lol.
Pie. A perfect piece of home made apple pie with a hot cup of coffee,for breakfast!!
NATURE: My walks in our three local parks are a continual delight to the senses on morning and evening walks! Sunsets and sunrises!!
There was a 2 year stretch, 2021-2023, where I had to be a caregiver for our grown son who was very injured by a medication, and somedays the ONLY thing holding me up besides prayer and counseling was INTENTLY FOCUSING on how good the bed and those soft sheets were gonna feel at the end of a long hard day.I pulled through,so did he.
And now,I am even MORE grateful for every SMALL AND WONDERFUL thing in my daily life.I tell my friends I have a “ low adventure quotient.” I don’t have to sky dive or race cars or zip line or traipse around Europe to feel happy or thrilled,some days just the perfectly brewed cup of coffee will do it! I feel blessed.
What a nice reminder of my grandmother. She could be challenging, but one of her gifts was to stop and notice beauty. I had a west-facing window in my bedroom and when they were visiting she would often come in to see the sunset and make me stop what I was doing and look too.
I'm not an optimistic person by nature, but after starting to participate in the five thankful things, I have been looking at each day for opportunities to find beauty, joy, and things to be thankful for.
My family lived overseas for many years, fortunately in the Northern Hemisphere, because I loved (and still love) seeing the constellation Orion in the night sky. He was my talisman and tellstar, and I always knew I'd be okay no matter what because Orion would be there tomorrow. It gave me a moment of grace, only an instant; it still does. It's like Desmond's "constant" in Lost (that's an oldie) -- Orion brings me through the weird stuff and back to the person I really am.
What a great post, especially on a Monday! Thank you, Kristen, for this reminder and encouragement. I read a book awhile back, The Liturgy of the Ordinary by Trish Harrison Warren, that reminded me to look at the ordinary in a similar manner.
I know when life gets chaotic I long to return to my usual routine. There is something comforting about it. The reminder to look for delights in the midst of the ordinary is such an encouragement and adds a bit of a fun challenge to the day.
Kristen,
I don't comment (hardly ever!) but I've been reading forever. I'm typing with tears in my eyes. This quote spoke to me so much and really hit at a time when it was desperately needed.
Thank you so much for posting it, I imagine it will resonate with many of us.
Thanks for all that you do and for reminding us how much we have to be thankful for in every day.
Aww, I am so happy that it was what you needed today. Sending love to you!
Ann Voskamp wrote One Thousand Gifts years ago. I read that book and started keeping a list. Then she had the Joy Dare and puts out a calendar each month (free) that has a prompt for three gifts that each day gives us. Some of them are simply drawing our attention to the good around us (playing with a puppy, sitting in the sun, hearing great music). Some of the prompts are being the gift to others which is always a bigger gift to ourselves. It does remind me that even a bad day has some good. It's easier to find some days than other though...and those are the days you need it most.
This reminds me of the work of poet Ross Gay and his book, The Book of Delights.
He is amazing! I was able to host him as a keynote speaker at a conference that I co-organized and I cannot recommend his writing enough!
@bettafromdaVille, I was thinking of him too! His Book of Delights was our state's One Book a few years back, and led to good conversations about what small daily things can be noticed with joy. What an interesting conference you must have had!
I have had a lot of medical issues since last October and I am still dealing with to this day. I have had to have some extended time home not feeling good, but In those moments I realize how grateful I am to have an amazing bed, medicine for pain and a warm heating pad. It is the little things that make life better.
This is so true! My mom has a friend who is constantly seeking superficial stimulus and reward. She traveled extensively a few months ago chasing the Aurora borealis - going half way around the world, never to see it. We experienced a fantastic show the other night and I called her to invite her to the show as we live outside of the city and light pollution. I had my driveway gate set to manual because the local deer herd has figured out that 6 deer on the sensor will open the gate. I was 5 feet from the gate to open it and she got disgusted and hit reverse and left. I did not have my phone on me as it was charging and so I opened the gate, and went back to my chair to watch the show.
I invited her up the next 2 nights, we saw a bit of the show last night, but not the vivid colors as the first night. She left very disappointed.
It takes all kinds of kinds (everyone is hearing a different beat of the drum). Observations, enjoying the minutia. Not expecting the rainbow, but celebrating it when it shows up.
Writing in my daily journal makes me reflect on finding 3 things that brought me joy, 3 things to improve on and 3 things to dream on. External stimuli, personal reflection of situations, reactions or lack there of to situations good and ugly.
Rose - sit in the sun, find your peace, watch your crazy puppy. Fill your own cup.
Man was made for Joy & Woe
And when this we rightly know
Thro the World we safely go
Joy & Woe are woven fine
A Clothing for the soul divine
Under every grief & pine
Runs a joy with silken twine
@Rose, thanks for the William Blake quote. I was delighted that "Jerusalem" was sung as the hymn before the Gospel at a recent memorial service for a former neighbor, who was as stouthearted an Englishman as ever breathed: "Bring me my bow of burning gold! Bring me my arrows of desire! Bring me my spear! O clouds, unfold! Bring me my chariot of fire!"
And re: your mother: Knowing you, I'm confident you won't let yourself be pushed into anything--but do continue to resist all pushback on not doing "in memoriam" things you and your sibs don't want to do. I'm still getting occasional whimpering almost a year later about my eventual decision not to have a memorial service for DH (other than the one at the medical school for anatomical donors). And I'm grimly amused that most of the whimpering has come from people who never dreamed of stopping by to see how we were doing during DH's long decline.
I wish you peace and rest.
@A. Marie, I wish you could tell them my stock line to people who gripe about the elections: If you don't participate, you also don't get to complain.
I had an instrumental version of "Jerusalem" played as the closing hymn at my mom's funeral because it's triumphant and uplifting. We needed that.
@Ruby, I chose "Let It Be" as the outro for BFF's memorial service a year and a bit ago.
@A. Marie: unfortunately "Jerusalem" makes me think of Monty Python first. My other BFF, who died suddenly six years ago, and I spent our teen years saying, "It's a man's life in England's mountains green" to each other.
I’m not adventurous so small things can really be my cup of tea. Some days we have to really hunt for the delightful things but usually they are there.
Finances were always a problem in my birth family and my mother had to be hospitalized a lot -and those two things are related- but on fall Sundays my dad always loaded us up in the car and drove us around the hills, down to the river and sometimes to the locks to watch boats go through. We might stop at a general store and get a cold Nehi in the bottle. It was such a simple thing, but the fall colors, the hypnotic movement of water and the icy cold sweetness of a grape Nehi made the rest of the week seem better.
I agree so much with this post.
Lately I have learned that the most mundane things we take for granted can be happy things.
Like DS feeling up to walking down to the corner and back.
DS being home from the hospital for a week (the longest stretch in a month!) and doing much better.
A moment to sit with a cup of Earl Grey (hot).
Bonding with my sons over the miniseries Band of Brothers, as well as The Chosen.
It shouldn't take a crisis like the one we had to appreciate the small things, but it does sometimes.
YAY for him being home from the hospital for such a stretch. Wonderful!!
I appreciate the little things in life. I am a homebody, an introvert. I enjoy spending time with my husband - who is the only person on this planet with whom I am totally comfortable with - and my kids (when they are in a good mood...!). I find great comfort in routine and knowing what is coming. I enjoy cuddling with my little dog, reading a good book, eating delicious food that I don't have to cook. It's very easy to make me happy 🙂
I think this is closer to what "carpe diem" actually means. "Seize the day" sounds very hedonistic, whereas appreciating the day, loving it as it is, seems a lot more meaningful.
@MaryH, that's the way I choose to interpret "carpe diem" too. Yesterday while at an art/craft festival, I met a guy who was BBQing, wearing a hat that said "Carne Diem". 😎
I like that phrase - practice delight. Like the "glimmers" popularized in social media recently (defined as the opposite of a trigger - something good in your life, big or small that makes you feel good).
I really do practice looking for these things. The color of the blossoms on the trees,
two birds chirping on a fence post, my morning toast and tea, my sweet pets looking at me like me like I am crazy when I sing to them in the morning, clean sheets, a new flavor of jam, etc. etc.
I was so excited that the Northern lights were coming down far enough to see them. I looked, but had no luck. They did arrive where I live, but I was sleeping at their peak and although I missed seeing them myself, I somehow like that I slept under those wild, wild skies.
Yesterday the sky was so incredibly clear and deep blue that I looked up and said aloud to no one, "Look at that sky!" Only the dogs heard, but they seemed to agree it was a fine thing.
Reading this blog is one of my ways to find delight in ordinary days. Thank you!
@Elaine N, a hearty AMEN to that!!
Your comment at the end made me think of something. Once in a while I have a day where I feel just...grumpy. Or something. Like nothing pleases me. It doesn't happen very often, but I've learned there is something good on those days too...going to bed! I'm finally learning that when I have a day like that, after I go to sleep at night and wake up the next day, that negative overlay always seems to have gone away. Knowing that helps to keep it from affecting me as fully as it used to, as long as I can keep remembering the fact that it's a time-limited condition. Plus....bed!!! Cool sheets, warm blankets, darkness, nothing left to do or deal with. On a crappy day, that's as blissful as it gets.
Listening to the birds in. the morning, helping my Mom get the day, watching my cat watch birds and squirrels.
My delights yesterday were visiting the grandkids. They are happy all the time.
Morning coffee.
Nice warm bed.
My dogs. Dogs only live in the moment.
For me the one that hit was that small joys and big joys are the same. In the same sphere of ideas and very much tied to the frugal choices.
Stuck in traffic is a lot nicer with music or a podcast you like on, and a pump bottle of hand cream to use on dry hands.
Waterfalls in Iceland are amazing. So is tea with my mum.
Having gratitude for those ordinary things. Gratitude for: the pictures to look at when you are having a bad moment or a sucky day, the list to read through when you think nothing is going right, a person to share the list and the pictures with. Those things might brighten THEIR spirits! So many people have big problems or challenges. Too many people are lonely or sad. If you share a smile or your list or pictures with them, you just might help them to start taking joy in the ordinary!