I'll be me. And you can be you.
This is something I've been thinking about lately, partly because of Gretchen Rubin's writings, partly because of conversations with friends, partly because we've been on a Myers-Briggs kick around here (I'm an ISFJ), and probably because of some other things I'm not remembering right now!
Oh, and also because of our math and history conversations last week here on the blog.
One of Gretchen Rubin's mantras is, "Be Gretchen." by which she means that she wants to give herself permission to be who she is without trying to be someone else.
(Just because her friend likes acupuncture doesn't mean she has to like acupuncture and there's no need to feel guilty about that.)
Of course, in order to adopt a "Be myself." mantra, you have to know yourself, and the Myers-Briggs profiles have been making me think about that.
Realizing what makes me tick helps me do a better job of being myself and of creating a life that works for me.
I've always had kind of a "Do what works for you." mentality, but learning more about my personality and other people's personalities has solidified that way of thinking even more.
I like to stay home, and a friend likes to go out.
I recharge by being alone, others recharge by being around people.
I like quiet, others like noise.
None of these things are wrong and none of them are morally superior to the others. They're just different.
Of course, because I am me, all this ruminating has meandered over into the arena of frugality, as I've been thinking about how knowing yourself and being yourself can help you figure out how best to save money.
A friend of mine and I were discussing menu planning this weekend, and she was telling me how if she tries to plan ahead, she gets a mental block and takes forever figuring out what to make, whereas if she just thinks of ideas the day of, she can get the deciding and cooking done way faster.
I am the COMPLETE opposite.
If I don't plan a menu, mental block hits.
And the closer I get to dinnertime without a plan, the less my brain functions, until I'm all, "I CAN'T COOK ANYTHING. I ONLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE TOAST. AAAAAAAHHH!"
So for me to function well, menu planning is really important.
For my friend, it's important not to menu plan.
And really, I think both ways are just fine.
I'm not better because I plan and she's not better because she doesn't plan. We're just different and we're doing what works for us.
If you approach frugality this way, I think you can make frugality a lot more enjoyable.
(Especially if you're in a place where you have choices and saving every single penny isn't necessary for survival.)
For instance, I like shopping thrift stores and clearance racks, buying second hand stuff online, baking bread, painting (furniture, walls, frames!), refashioning, using the library, and investing in long-lasting items (a long-run frugal strategy.)
I do not like couponing, keeping my heat at 60 degrees, or line-drying my laundry.
(I did manage to do all three of those things when it was necessary for survival, but I dropped them when we got a little more budget wiggle room.)
There are frugal people who hate shopping at thrift stores, but love line-drying their laundry.
And there are frugal people who hate baking but love couponing.
I used to feel vaguely guilty for my lack of love for line-drying, but I'm at peace with it now. I save money and resources in a lot of other ways, and giving up line-drying has increased my life happiness significantly.
If you're feeling guilty because thrifting doesn't blow your hair back, or because you haven't the smallest desire to bake your own bread, give yourself that same grace.
It's ok. Really, it is.
We don't all have to be good at the same things, and we don't all have to love the same things.
(No one can possibly be good at everything and love everything!)
The important thing is to live within your means and manage your money responsibly, and there are a zillion ways to do that well.
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Yes. This is why I like reading your blog so much! Nicely said.
Ditto to Susan's comment. I like the fact that you are not so militant in your frugality that if someone does it differently it would be "wrong". I love to shop for a bargain and some of my favorite places are thrift and second-hand stores. We rarely buy anything at full price. A good portion of the furniture in our house is second (or third or fourth!) hand. (We love antiques.) I am trying to make more things from scratch, both for economy and health's sake. But at the same time, we do eat out a fair amount (we use coupons!) and I am fine with that. BTW, Kristen, I just completed my first photo book (with a free coupon!) and used many of your photo book tips. I think I am hooked! 🙂
Great post. I would add one word to your last sentence...
The important thing is to live within your means and manage your money responsibly, and there are a zillion "right" ways to do that well." 🙂
Amy Poehler's book "Yes Please" has a good line related to this. Her mantra is,"Good for her! Not for me."
I will do pretty much anything involving food--growing it, processing it (canning, freezing, butchering), cooking it--but can't sew and don't want to. I shop at thrift stores but have no interest in coupons. I drive an old, rusty minivan, but will happily pay someone else to fix my dryer.
We all make choices. As long as we're thinking about our lives and what's important and what's not to us, that's what matters.
Finding a comment that exactly mirrors what I thought while reading a post? Yes, please.
There are times when it's good for her, not for me, and others when it's good for her, good for me. How wonderful to be reminded that life is ripe with these simple, profound truths.
It amazes me as to how many rules there are according to some people as to what is the right thing to do to be frugal. For example, I don't make my own laundry detergent. I think lentils are unfit for human consumption (my guess is when Esau sold his birthright for them, they were eternally cursed) and all the other things we're supposed to do.
I will spend money on the things I care about because I can save on others. I'm happy to work an hour of overtime here and there to be able to afford to buy a new video game or to go see a live show. I spent hundreds of dollars this year going to an anime convention with my wife but I would never dream of taking my future kid to Disney World (my coworkers keep insisting I'll change my mind but I highly doubt it.)
We don't eat much in the way of legumes here either, mainly because Mr. FG hates them!
I'm on a homeschooling forum, and somebody asked the other day about frugal dinners, and of course everybody was like, "Rice and beans!" My entire family would mutiny if I served them rice and beans, and I think my husband would be leading the mutiny (and he likes pretty much everything). Any frugal meal ideas that are based on rice and beans being a regular or staple thing is just not going to work here.
But I think that's the important thing about figuring out what does work for you, because if you do try things to don't, you'll often end up spending more than you would have otherwise. If I planned a week of meals around rice and beans, we'd probably end up eating out most nights and spend way more than if I'd planned slightly more expensive meals that my family actually enjoyed. If I invested hundreds of dollars in cloth diaper supplies, and still ended up buying diapers every other week because I just can't and don't want to keep up with cloth diapering, then there's extra expense rather than savings coming from the cloth diapers. I love the idea of gardening, but I know myself well enough to know that--unless I had somebody to really guide me through the entire process and the time to devote to keeping it up, which I don't right now--any money I spent on gardening would not result in grocery savings but instead on a bunch of gardening supplies that went unused.
Thank you for admitting to hating lentils! I cannot stand the smell of them.
Thanks. I just went, "Ahhh....yes." on a Monday morning 😀
I also am ISFJ. Oh, that inner landscape! You are one of the most non-judgmental, non-my way or the highway writers I have read/people I have known. It is a goal for me.
Fellow ISFJ here!!!
A frugal lifestyle means I'll rarely buy a coffee, takeout meal, or snack food on a whim, but I won't think twice about an occasional dinner out ( especially at an ethnic food restaurant)
I'll avoid Whole Foods markets, but will shop at a combo of Aldi and our local, member owned food co- op, where I can purchase locally raised/ open range meats and eggs.
I'll buy inexpensive kitty litter from Costco but will purchase dog and cat food from an awesome PA company call Anamaet ( not cheap, but a small company that makes super good quality food)
I recycle as much as possible but do not compost or garden.
I'll buy my son's clothes in thrift stores, but mostly buy my things new ( more bc of finding things that fit me well)
I have a very limited footwear wardrobe, and I am far from a clothes horse ( If I could wear jeans and a fleece every day I'd be a happy girl)
I'd buy something much more quickly for someone in need than I'd ever buy it for myself.
Fun post, Kristen!
Thank goodness someone else doesn't like to meal plan! It seems EVERY SINGLE frugal living blog advocates meal planning as a MUST-DO to save money. I just don't like it, and I am fine with flying by the seat of my pants with meal preparation. I keep my freezer and pantry stocked with staples and so I have all the ingredients I need all the time for many different tasty meals, so that's my meal planning!
I think that if it's working for you, then you should just keep on doing it! I would be terrible at flying by the seat of my pants, and we'd end up eating out way too much, but that's me, not you.
Be you! 🙂
I think the underlying frugality is cooking your own food, and not shopping at the last minute for ingredients or dinner options. For many, planning is the way to go and so that becomes one of the standard recommendations. But as The Lady says - do what works for you.
Been trying to really learn/accept this for a long time. Good post. Thank you.
We too like Myers-Briggs, but were introduced to the StrengthsFinder a few years ago and it is remarkable! It helped me be more aware, accepting and appreciate and less critical of of the strengths of others and myself. Really a fascinating tool!
You're the best! I'm an ESFP. I hang dry our laundry and help my husband with making fires/ stacking wood for our wood burning furnace. ....But we use disposable diapers because laundry is not my favorite chore! We all have different priorities and preferences, and your post is a good reminder that, although some people make choices that would never work for otbers, it does not mean it is wrong.
I love this. For me frugality is about living a "rich" life cheaply. For example, we're going to Bali for two weeks this summer. It sounds extravagant and no doubt could cost tens of thousands, but we are traveling via home exchange (which means we are staying in someone's house for free). Our youngest is flying as a lap infant, so his airfare was almost free. Once there we'll eat out of the kitchen most meals and save our cash for experiences, which are very cheap considering the strength of the dollar. I bake our bread and thrift shop for clothes. We spend almost nothing on entertainment. Our boys go to public school, and we would never consider buying a new car. But as long as my children are clothed and well-fed I will not give up travel for a slightly thicker savings account!
There is a great line from a song, "If you want to be someone else, chang your mind"
I love this post, Kristen. I think it's one your best yet. Such a simple but wise thing really!
Yes! Thank you so much for this!
THANKS for this post!!!! You know it should be common sense, but why is it sooooo easy to quickly feel like we should be like someone else or feel 'guilty' for not doing/loving what someone else is? And this definitely applies to frugality since we as individuals have different things we prefer or prioritize to save on and spend on. So true! We can't and shouldn't do it ALL. Let us let the guilt go and be ourselves unapologetically.
Lovely post, Kristen! Your blog always makes me smile!
I, too, love the Meyer-Briggs test (I'm an INFJ--a rare specimen! Ha!). Back when I was a supervisor, I had my entire staff take it, and it opened my eyes to how different we all view our world. For instance, I had been "rewarding" one of my best staff members with additional projects (because, for me, that WOULD have been a reward) and through the testing procedure, I learned that she viewed doing projects as a punishment. It's so helpful to have an understanding of different personality types no matter what your role in life--mom, executive, health care professional, VBS coordinator, frugalista ...
I do not line dry either. I am sure it could save us some money since I am doing laundry for 9, but with a few of the kids having allergies and the amount of time spent, it is not worth it at all for me. I don't coupon, I don't cloth diaper, and we have cable! All with no guilt. I enjoy cooking so we save on meals at home, I shop at Aldi, love working a big garden, and never go to the mall. My friends are opposite in many of these things and that has never been any issue at all, we just want each other to have happy lives and families and encourage each other to do whatever it takes for us to be happy and healthy.
Great post! For me, it looks like having a part-time job and then just doing what I can.
I like making yogurt. Making bread, not very rewarding, so instead I buy several loaves at the bakery outlet and freeze them. I like mending clothes and doing my own hemming... not so much refashioning, as I lack fashion imagination.
Yay! Great post! I used to feel so guilty about certain things. I didn't think I could be a good wife/mother/homekeeper if I didn't do certain things... i.e. bake bread, sew, plant a garden, cook everything from scratch, use only cloth diapers, can my own veggies, etc. I simply don't enjoy those things... they feel like unnecessary stress on myself, and I feel like I have enough to deal with already. If I loved them, they wouldn't feel like stress.
I've finally admitted to myself that I'm not that mom. I'm THIS mom. Me. And that's ok! Maybe when my kids are older and more self-sufficient I will rediscover a love for some of those things, like canning or learning to sew. But for now I'm proud of the mom that I am. My daughters and husband are happy. Our home is happy and healthy and that's what matters.
Thank you for writing such affirming posts for your readers. It's much appreciated.
Well said! To each his own...
I am one of those who likes line drying laundry, but never shops in thrift stores. (Does that make me your opposite?) I keep my old car well-maintained, take my lunch to work every day (my husband does, too), but we like to eat out together. Finding a special little place to eat is our form of entertainment--never spend money on a movie, haven't in many years. I rarely feel guilty--life is too short!
I like this. First of all, I freaked out at that first picture, because Bauer is my maiden name. Whoa.
Anyway I had to laugh at the math thing when I went back to your previous post (that I missed) because we LOVE math. My husband and I are both engineers (he's got a PhD) and we are math nerds. My 9 year old is a WHIZ at math.
But reading. Oh, the reading. He learned in 1st grade. He's good at it, he enjoys it, but it is like PULLING TEETH to get him to do it. My husband and I both love reading and history also.
So. I am not really into the drugstore game. I wish I was - with all of the Unisom, toothpaste, shampoo, female products, band-aids - I *KNOW* I could be doing better. But I don't. I also don't line dry my clothes because of the birds, and because I don't do the laundry. If I did the laundry, I'd love to line dry.
I try to handle it mostly by keeping my grocery bill to a specific number. And by cooking from scratch (though with a full time job, 2 kids, and PTA duties, it gets really really old). I don't make my own yogurt.
I like the idea of thrifting, but I don't have time for that. I'd rather just not buy anything.
I love the idea of gardening, but just don't do it.
And at our house, it's so the opposite! 4/4 of my kids are great readers, and it wasn't even very hard to teach them how to read. It seemed to come naturally for them.
I forgot about gardening...that's a classic frugal thing that I don't do. I'm not great at it, I don't enjoy it, and my yard is very shady, so it's tough to grow anything. I would rather pay the farmers to do it for me. 😉
I agree. I read and subscribe to a lot of blogs and I have yet to find someone who's my mirror image when it comes to frugality. I like to pick and glean ideas and inspirations from people of various walks of life and style to put together a way of life that my and my family enjoy. I don't obsess about organic food or unplugging every appliance/charger when it's not being used, won't drink raw milk, won't feel guilty about driving my huge SUV or not shopping at the "Farmers' Market" when all their produce comes from Mexico and South America anyway and isn't cheaper than Aldi, love couponing and getting freebies, like rack-drying some items but not our cotton clothing, a big YES to using the library, and I'm the recycle police at our house. People who can't be bothered to remember to bring reusable bags when they go shopping drive me batty but I buy plastic trash bags for my own trash. We all have our own idiosyncrasies and if everyone minded their own business and respected other people's opinion I think we would have peace on earth.
What I like is the sharing of ideas and methods so we can each cobble up what works best for us.
There was an article just this weekend, I think, on Lifehacker (I believe, too lazy to look it up) that said that Myers-Briggs was all hogwash. All I know is that each time I took the test, they could never tell me what type I was for certain.
Great reminders Kristen! I wish I would have learned these things earlier on in my life! I am much more at peace with who I am yet still strive to improve in my "weak" areas. Reading your blog has definitely encouraged me to find ways to conserve more and be more frugal, but also in a way that fits me and our family. There are still areas I'd love to tackle (small garden, composting, less paper products, etc.), but we're just not there yet. I think for me it is the wisdom to see where I can improve and have it benefit our family (and the greater community) and where implementing something right now would just be too much stress! Thanks again for the encouragement!
Thank you, thank you!!! I have never commented. We are so frugal in many many ways - following the Dave Ramsey system will do that to ya 🙂 But the one thing I feel I "need" to spend on is my skin. I have had so many issues with adult acne that I could just cry. For me to find something that FINALLY works and lets me not hide behind makeup - but that is way more than what I would like to pay - is a really hard choice for me. Heck - if I could use dollar store soap and vaseline (tried it, haha) I would. I look like a pizza after that btw.
So this post is so timely - I do not need to feel guilt about spending on one thing for myself! Everything I own is from Goodwill, we garden, eat frugally, etc. etc. I homeschool and live so simply. Thank you for this amazing blog - this post just made my day.
Jamie, please do share what you discovered for your skin!
These posts have a been such a joy to read. I think we all have a responsibility to develop self-awareness and be the person God created us to be without feeling guilty or somehow inferior if we don't fit a particular mold.
Hi Susan!
Well, after years and years of doing the cleansing/toning/treating/moisturizing routine that I thought I was supposed to be doing, with all of the "anti acne" products on the market - and I've tried them all, from Proactiv to neutrogena to all organic/dr. Bronners - and I will also add that I have done the "no wash" routine which left me feeling disgusting - I have found that using a gentle wash (right now I'm using Sebamed) with NO comedogenic (pore clogging) ingredients (you can find a list of them at acne.org) plus either a) morning - a makeup or BB cream with spf and also no pore clogging ingredients and at night b) a cream called Retinol Resq by Alpha Hydrox (sold at ulta, 14.99) is what has made my face SO clear. I cannot believe it!!! I think it is the low potency retinol that is doing it for me. Also, I've started taking 1000 IU of vitamin D3 daily. This helps so much with my oil control during the day. No more face blotting. I'm going to start using the Alphy Hydrox cleanser soon to see if that works well also, but I am so happy where I'm at right now. So its not ridiculous in cost but more than I would ever consider spending on ME. But I am - and I am so happy. Hope this helps anyone who is suffering. For me, less irritation and NO NO scrubbing (the retinol does this for you without scrubbing) is key. ALso, no benzoyl peroxide OR salicylic acid which is in everything for acne - even natural things. Have a lovely day!!
I also want to add that I eat very very well. I get at least 1lb of vegetables each day (yes you read that right) and 1-2 fruits. I do not do much dairy at all and only eat whole grains and lean protein, and some nuts, but not too much because when I eat too much fat/oil I break out! Diet is really important for skin health. 🙂
My frugal life means not spending anytime at all on frugal activities. I've been reading yours and several other money saving blogs for years now, though I rarely comment, and I feel as if you are all old friends by now and love getting a peek into your life. But I quickly realized that I enjoy making yogurt, baking bread, making laundry detergent and clipping coupons about as much as I like laundry and dishes. I did it when I had to, but I wanted to find a better way. That way ended up being what I DO enjoy, which is craftiness and glitter, and I turned it into a business where I now make an average of $150-200 per week for about 7-10 hours of my time, which is a better return than I was making before. I now spend a little more at the grocery store, but I still buy cost effective staples at the store and stretch my ground beef and purchase gently pre-owned clothing when I can. But I have a life I love now as well as a feeling of accomplishment that I never got from frugal activities.
I think that's great! Deciding to spend your time doing something fun that earns money is definitely a valid choice, especially if your return per hour is greater.
Well said! This is one of the reasons why I love your blog. You recognize - and remind me - that there's no one-size-fits-all solution for anything. No need to stress about being "wrong."
I use coupons for things I'd buy anyway (like getting 5 tubes of toothpaste for $0.90 at the Dollar Tree!), carpool to work when possible, only borrow books (except a few reference books), and cut out cable.
I love to bake but time is an issue, so I do it for fun, not everyday needs. I keep a "wish list" for thrift store shopping, but am not afraid to buy new either.
Love your post! I am an experienced frugal farm gal. I raise my own food, veggies, beef, chickens, fruit and can/freeze/butcher my harvests. I shop at thrift stores and garage sales. I cook from scratch and shop for groceries once per month. My friends all think I'm crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way!
Count me in! I enjoy reading frugal tips and blogs, but get aggravated by people who insist I must do certain things to be frugal, such as ride a bike to work, when I live 9 miles from work in a rural area, meaning busy state roads without bike lanes, AND I live in steamy Florida. I can't imagine what I would look or smell like by the time I got to work on a muggy August morning. Ew. I will, however, make laundry detergent, line dry the clothes, put up produce, etc., because I'm able and willing to do that.
I finally accepted that I can't do it all and don't want to. Budget constraints mean I have to do more than I'd like to, and waste and environment concerns cause me to do other frugal things I wouldn't do otherwise, but some things simply don't suit me or my life, and I don't have to do them! What a relief! Thanks for stating it so well, better than I ever could.
Yes. Biking is GREAT if you live in an area that is biking-friendly (and if you live fairly close to your job.) Mr. FG's job is a 40-minute car ride from here, on highways, which means that biking is just an impossibility.
Not to mention that, um, it snows and gets bitterly cold in the winter, and you'd have to be REALLY hard core (and maybe a little crazy) to bike on snow and ice.
Totally LOVE this post. INFP here.
Love hanging laundry, gardening & walking/biking for transportation... pretty much any excuse to lollygag around outside. I even like shoveling snow and using my wonderful & QUIET hand push lawnmower. Also love most DIY projects (paint scares me though... it's just so darned permanent and unforgiving). My strong suit is wingin' it in the kitchen - I often don't really know what I'm making until the meal is done, I just start tossing things in and see what emerges.
Hate meal planning, schedules, routines, couponing, organizing, to-do lists and pretty much anything that has a lot of rules attached to it. Also not a real fan of shopping - especially if I have to drive to get there and deal with a lot of crowds - I vastly prefer to do it online... well, except for grocery shopping, because I love inspecting every piece of produce individually, seeing what's on sale in the discount bin & dreaming up stuff to do with it. I thank god for the self-checkout lane!
I'm an INFJ myself, and being me is just SO important to me! The main difference between INFJs and ISFJs is the Intuition vs Sensing, as I'm sure you're read 😉 Otherwise we're pretty much built the same way!
The thing about my intuition is that for years and years it's been key to my decision-making process. Whenever something doesn't "feel right" to me, I won't pursue in that direction. I rarely cave to peer pressure for that reason. And if I force myself to cave (if I really really can't do otherwise, e.g. I'd really hurt someone by not doing it), 99% of the time I feel bad afterwards, or something bad happens, because it was not the right decision for me.
Being me is paramount to following my intuition, and vice versa - I'm not me when I don't follow my intuition. Even though half of the time I cannot explain why something doesn't feel right, it always ends up making sense somehow. I guess that's a superpower 🙂
Anyway, because of who I am, I'm all for people being themselves! I think it's one key to being happy with oneself, and thus being happy overall! I have a hard time liking "people pleasers", those who only like what others like, who fear others will like them less if they love orange when everyone talks about blue. I can't understand them!
Love this, it comforts me to know that I can practice frugality in the manner that best fits my needs. 🙂
Thank you.
I am seldom, if ever, plagued by thoughts that I am not doing enough or somehow am not following the frugal life well enough. I was in a work meeting once and after the discussion was over, someone asked me if I didn't feel odd that my opinion was at odds with the opinions of my 8 colleagues---but the truth was that I had not even noticed that!! My problem is that I find it all too easy to judge others harshly for not living the way I think they should, with regard to things like recycling. I am constantly having to remind myself to shut up or that most things are not my business anyway. I pray for grace, but obviously need to working at it...
Thanks for this post, Kristen! It validates everyone's feelings and is so refreshing to hear.
ISTJ here! May I recommend the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain - all about introversion. It was an eye opener for me and helped make me feel better about my personality traits. It also validated that I am not weird, just an introvert, and that is okay.
I try to meal plan *each day* at the beginning of the week but we always have leftovers or I just won't cook that day because of different errands and such that may just pop up. I try to plan but like I said we end up having a simple meal (canned tuna sandwiches after a long day) or left-overs. So whatever I DO plan gets pushed over....That's us 😉
Thanks for posting this...being myself and not feeling guilty are things I struggle with.
What's helped me the most is adopting the attitude of: "I'm Eliza. I do what I want. And f#$% you!" But, I think the "Be Eliza" is a much more positive mantra to use going forward.
It IS really freeing when you realize that it's ok to not like things that other people genuinely like. Kind of a load off your back.
This is a little off subject, but you mentioned that you don't garden, so what do you do with your compost?
Kristen I really enjoyed this post for many reasons. Firstly Gretchen's book was one of the first books I read when looking to simplify my life. It was very relevant to how I felt, and how I see things. Secondly many many years ago (15 maybe?) I had the Myers test done at work. I'm an ENFJ and the overriding thing that I took away from it was it stated I have a passion for fairness - injustice is probably the thing I fear and detest the most in the world. As I get older this is reinforced.
I could not agree more with 'I'll be me and you can be you'. This I live my life by. How boring would the world be if we were all the same? There's a Jewish Proverb "If I try to be like him, who will be like me?".
You don't line dry - I do. You make yoghurt - I will never make yoghurt. No way Jose 😉
Wonderfully said, Kristen! Right now, to me, frugality looks like using coupons and stockpiling disposable diapers, yet baking bread and making homemade yogurt. Frugality looks like going to the library on a regular basis, not having cable, and staying home with my son. We all live our frugal lives in ways that work for us. Thanks for the reminder! I'm thinking of a tangent blog post off this topic now...
I should have read this post before I commented about the chalk ink markers!!! Carry on!
Love this post, thank you for sharing! I'm an INFJ, and I've had to force myself into routines and schedules, which are really good and productive for me, but there are certain frugal things that are too time consuming for me -- and it's taken time for me to let go of those things and not feel guilty for the accumulated spending on those things.
So very insightful. It's so easy to feel like you have to do everything. Before I became a mom, I was very settled into my own skin. Now that I have three other little lives depending on me, I sometimes fall into the trap of feeling like I need to do everything that's out there to give them the best chance. It's emotionally and financially draining to live that way. Really, I just need to enrich their lives in the ways that I am best at and happiest doing. Being the best version of myself is the way to be the best mom to them. I needed this reminder this morning. Thank you.
I appreciate your perspective here, Kristen. I haven't read your blog in a while, and am a huge student of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. I used to read your blog regularly and would have guessed with great confidence that you would test as ISTJ. Interesting that you're an ISFJ. I think your high level of confidence (that you referenced regarding privilege) tripped me up on your T vs F. Most Fs are less certain of their choices than your posts in the past have revealed. It makes sense that your confidence stems from a happy and confidence-building childhood. Happy you're delving into Myers-Briggs and will look for future posts about it. Thanks!
What's interesting is that occasionally, a test will say I'm an F rather than a T. And usually I'm not heavily tilted toward one or the other (whereas every single time, I'm heavily I and J.)
Makes sense. Your I & J leap off the page (or screen, I mean), IMO. Thanks for the reply:)
Gosh, I love this post! We are blessed to be in a place that we do not need to stretch every penny but even when we were in heavy debt payoff mode (I'm looking at you, student loans), there were some things that just boggled my mind. I remember reading a post on a frugal website suggesting you cut your child's milk with half water and make your own contact lens solution. It was good for me to read because it made me stop and really evaluate our goals and how much we were willing to do to meet those. This isn't so much about frugality but motherhood/life. Things I just don't do:
- Scrapbooking. I *love* looking at the scrapbooks my friends have created. I, however, absolutely despise scrapbooking. I've tried traditional and I've tried digital and I dislike both. I do enjoy blogging and Instagram, however, so my kids will be receiving books that I have printed from my Instagram account or blog each year.
- The gym. When I was single I went to the gym several times a week. I never enjoyed it. I finally realized my "thing" is walking and thankfully it's an exercise I can (hopefully) do for the rest of my life. And I don't have to pay for it!
- Air conditioning. I will go without food before I swelter in my own house. I can say this confidently because I lived off one loaf of bread and peanut butter in college several times but always had the thermostat on a comfortable (to me) setting.
- Time consuming meals during the week. Both my husband and I work full time and I used to feel a lot of guilt if I didn't have these great, perfectly balanced sit-down meals with the family. I'm trying really hard to let go of that and focus instead on spending less time cooking and more time visiting with my kids. Applesauce with quesadillas and canned beans has become a perfectly acceptable quick meal in our house. 🙂
- Messy crafts. I get a lot of flak from other moms about this but I just don't do or allow messy crafts inside the house. It sends me into orbit which makes the entire family miserable. Our kids are welcome to get dirty and make a mess outside but there will be no painting, play-doh, glitter crafts etc. in the house.
I used to worry my kids would look at their friends' moms and think, gosh, Mom doesn't do A, B, C. But then I realized that all of us have our sweet spots. My kids won't have adorable scrapbooks, glitter art or many other crafty mementos but they are blessed with a mom who has excellent organizational skills, a true passion for education and life-long learning and loves them to the moon and back.
Man, this is totally what I've been mentally grappling with in my head and on my blog this week. I'm such a systems person and I'm just owning it now. Yes, people may think I'm a weirdo for having so much planned out and my routines so structured. But, if it makes me feel like I've got a handle on things, then I gotta just let go of what others think. I'm the only one who has to live in this household, with these people and this to do list.
I'm an INFJ, by the way... 🙂
Yes. To some people, it looks like we're being control freaks when we plan things out. But really, it's about organizing our lives in ways that work for us. Some people need structure and others don't, and it's smart to embrace who you are and build a life that works well for you!
I have spent most of my life trying to fill the expectations of others . Sadly they may have been disappointed and I was way to busy to be happy . One day I walked away and changed every aspect of my life. Times are simple and there are very few worries. The house and car are paid for. Our living expenses low. All our needs and most of our wants are met. I certainly don't live the life I left, but my stress is non existent. The simple life has no worries. Frugality I have down pat . Each day I try to judge no one and be gentle to myself.