On wants
We don't need to increase our goods nearly as much as we need to scale down our wants.
Not wanting something is as good as possessing it.
~Donald Horban~
So, how do you go about scaling down your wants? I've got my own thoughts on this, but I'm interested in hearing yours first.
P.S. I spent some time last night writing up a little commenting policy. 99.99% of you already do a fabulous job of abiding by those guidelines (mwah!), but I needed to put it up so that my expectations were clear for everyone.
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Today's 365 post: In a bad mood? Try some math!
Joshua's 365 post: My Narwhal, and the Answer
Your new comment policy is also a good one to use for relationships in general 🙂
I've gotten myself off of a lot of catalog mailing lists - if I don't know that the pretty dress, sofa, sheets, etc., I can't want them. Living in a small town 45 minutes from most shopping also helps - I can't hop into a store like Target(a dangerous place for me) when passing by just to see what's new. 🙂
Kate, that's a great idea. I throw almost all catalogs into the trash without looking at them, but not getting them in the first place is even better!
I used to work for a gentleman that used to say that the only difference between a need and a want was whether or not the person was willing to pay or work for it. Although this is kind of umbrella-ish, it has served as a great guiding tool for my family.
I've found that the less that I am exposed to advertising, the less I want. We got rid of cable, stopped getting magazines, primarily listen to NPR, and are in the process of removing ourselves from email lists for sales. Sometimes a head in the sand approach is exactly what is needed. 🙂
Seek contentment. Think about what is really important and what your priorities are (or should be). Chances are that thingamajig won't seem as important.
And on the very practical side, I agree with Kate - avoiding catalogs and shopping malls helps a lot!
My husband and I are really thinking abou this subject right now because we are being to look for a new house to buy. We currently have a 2 bedroom townhouse that suddenly feels a lot smaller since we had a baby - and we want to start trying for another child next year, so we would like a bigger place.
It is really hard making a list on must-haves and just wants when house shopping. I think our only must haves are a 2 car garage (we only have a 1 car garage now), 3 or 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, and a backyard big enough for a swing-set. I would like an attached, not integral, garage, a laundry room that isn't in the basement, big eat-in kitchen, but they are all just wants, not needs.
Luckily, we are pretty thrifty naturally, so we don't really struggle with wanting the latest clothes, cars, or electronics -- although an Ipad would be pretty great to have, I'm sure! We don't ever go window-shopping. I'm only in a store if I need something.
I've seen too many people buying the latest new 'It' things, and then struggling to pay the bills for them later. My husband and I would rather travel than have more stuff laying around, so that's our incentive to not buy things and to be content with what we have.
It's the memories that make you happiest, not material objects.
Shopping used to be my recreation, and when I had to cut back after "acquiring" the mortgage, I was pretty angry about it (in retrospect - at the time, I just thought "life wasn't fair.")
I had some gift cards a while back and went to a local mall for the first time in many years. Would you believe that I couldn't find ANYTHING I wanted so badly that I was willing to use the gift cards? It may not seem like a big step for naturally frugal people, but to me, it was a real indication of how far I've come. I'm happy with so much less (not that I don't want a new laptop... hmm.) Now if only I could instill contentment into the rest of my family...
I can totally relate with you on this one!
It was a hard time for me when I went from living with my parents to getting married and suddenly having a mortgage and all kinds of bills that go along with owning a house. It was so hard to tell myself I could no longer go to the mall and buy that cute pair of shoes just because.
Now, I hardly ever want to part with my money (even though all my clothes are getting so worn out) even if I have a gift card. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who has struggled with that and overcome it!!
I struggle with the "wants" and sometimes have a difficult time keeping myself on budget in places like TJMaxx, Target etc.....you have given me a great idea to purchase myself a "gift card" for those places. Somehow I am more selective about what I will use a limited gift card for rather than when I have my credit card in hand. It's how I manage my Starbucks purchases...it makes it more of a "treat" and keeps me on budget. Thanks for the (although perhaps unintentional) idea! 🙂 This may be a solution to my struggle!
And I should also add....I find that staying out of stores, away from catalogs, fashion blogs and Pinterest help alleviate any feeling of lack. And like so many others have said, truly being mindful and thankful for what I have...primarily my husband, healthy happy children, a warm and secure home, plenty of food etc....helps to keep it all in perspective! It's all about gratitude! 🙂
I agree/follow most of these things, but don't find Pinterest to be a problem. I think I follow mostly DIY kind of boards on the site so I actually find it to be a good frugal inspiration. Maybe you could change which boards you follow?
What a great idea! I also have a hard time spending gift cards. I'm soooo gonna try this! I'm thinking this would be especially good to keep me within budget for Christmas shopping.
I think it comes down to making careful decisions: if I give into this want, will it keep me from taking care of my needs? Or, if you really really can't shake the want away, what alternatives are there to satisfy my craving that won't inhibit my ability to take care of needs? Sometimes, a want is a need in disguise: for example, "I want to go on vacation!" might actually mean, "I could really use a solid day without any obligations or demands." The former would be much more adventurous and fun, but the "want" is likely satisfiable with the latter.
Oh I like that way of thinking about it.
that's a great way to look at this!
Yes -- what a great way to think about this!
That is a really great approach! I especially like the vacation analogy - I remember coming home from vacations sometimes feeling more drained than when I left because what I really NEEDED was just some downtime around the house.
I am definitely going to start looking at my "wants" this way - is there a need concealed in there that can be satisfied in a less spendy/consumerist way?
Everytime I start to feel like our house is too small (roughly 1100 sq feet) I remind myself that the previous owners raised three girls in that house with only one bathroom. God Bless them. It was their home for forty years. We added another bathroom so I think we're going to make it. 🙂
I have a very similar situation. A 3 bedroom, 1 bath, 1200 SF house. It feels tiny sometimes, even with just me and my husband. But, there were at least 2 children raised in that house in the 60s and 70s. When I remind myself of that, it helps.
We have two boys and another boy due this Spring. It's going to be tight, but I think we'll survive. I remind myself: less to heat, less to clean, less stuff to fill it with, etc. We also have a short commute to work and live near the water. Do I dream of real closets and not being able to hear my neighbor sneeze when the windows are open? Um maybe...but hey dreaming is free.
Touche! Such a great point!
Ours is a 4-BR 1.5BA 1400sqft. But we moved from a 1-BR, 1BA 700sqft apartment, so it feels huge! We moved into that apartment when we got married and stayed in that apartment for the first year of our son's life. We couldn't afford to move, and it would have been silly, as DH was a year from finishing his Ph.d., after which we were going to be moving cross country to wherever he got a job. DS slept in a crib in the living room, the changing station was a changing pad on top of his dresser in our bedroom, and he got baths in the kitchen sink!
I have not been to a mall in a few years. I don't buy magazines anymore and I don't go on the computer much either. I also do not watch much TV. I don't miss any of it either, my life is much better after getting rid of this stuff and not buying a bunch of junk. I get alot more done around here, less clutter, and less money worries. It really is a great feeling to go to the store to get necessary things and know that what I am buying is needed and there is no reason to feel guilty and I can now enjoy the times I do shop.
I fulfill my craving for magazines at the local library. Sometimes I really want that "junk food for the brain!" But this way, I'm not shelling out $$$ for magazines I'll read once and never reference in my daily life, and am supporting the library too.
I try not to window-shop for fun, either online or off. I avoid catalogs, tempting stores, etc. Of course, when that doesn't work, I try to practice delayed gratification by keeping a "Stuff I Want" bookmarks folder on my computer (which I wrote about here: http://catelinden.com/?p=1653).
But beyond that, I really, really try to be grateful for what I already have. I won't pretend that it's not hard sometimes, because like many people, I'm really susceptible to material wants. But I find that actively taking note of the simple pleasures of my life goes a long way toward making those material things less appealing.
I think it's ok to appreciate and like things (like pretty dresses that are pretty but I wouldn't ever wear), but also recognize that doesn't mean I need to own them. Like toys. Yes, I'm 27 and like to look at toys. But I think I can appreciate the cute dolls and legos without needing to own them and play with them every day. It's not like I would actually play with them every day, after all.
And +1 for the comment policy.
Oh, I wish I could get my mother-in-law to realize this! Can we say, "Beanie Baby hoard"? And that's just the tip of the iceberg! 🙁
Over a year ago, my job became the victim of a slow economy. With a sudden 40% reduction in income, my family was forced to look much more closely at our needs and wants. We were never super materialistic, but we did buy a lot of little things simply because we saw it an liked it. Even though I have more recently been offered a great job, I turned it down. My need and want to be with my young son and keep him safe (he has severe food allergies and asthma) has far surpassed my desire for anything money can buy. Thankfully, my husband's modest salary covers our true basic needs like food, shelter, utilities, and medical insurance, and my very part time job covers some necessary extras. We have no extra money these days, but I'm happier than ever now that I have the time to enjoy my life and family.
I think this is it for me, too - clearly visible priorities have made it easier. I had a great job that I voluntarily left to be home with my daughter. I could go back and we could have more stuff. But, for both of us, my time at home is so much more valuable. With two professionals in the house, we had plenty of money but no time. Now that I'm home I can and do take our daughter for lunch with Daddy several times a week. I can also take care alot of the household maintenance stuff that ate up our evenings and weekends before. So, we actually both get alot more time with her... I think it also helps that my husband is very vocal about how much he prefers the way we are living now and completely supports having more time and less stuff. If I felt like he was making sacrifices he didn't want or that I wasn't carrying my weight, it might be harder.
This is true for us, too. My husband's job covers what we need and my ability to take care of the house stuff (without a job), gives us a lot more family time which we all appreciate. It is hard to stick to this plan when everything is so job centered, but it works for us and I think that is what counts.
Trust me, you will never regret one moment you are home with your children. My kids are 27 & 24. I treasure every memory I have of being home with them when they were little. It was worth giving up all those "extras" I watched other people buy. You can never turn the clock back and it is truly a "once in a life time experience".
I had a man come to my door the other day while going door to door looking for snow removal clients. He asked me if I had been to this upsclae kids store at the big mall about 10 miles away that his wife ran. I said, no, I rarely go to that mall. He was suprised and said it was funny how in a mid-sized town like we live in how people only go to the mall closest to them (about two miles away). I told him actually I just rarely go to the mall. He didn't know what to say to that. I think that the best way to train yourself to not enjoy recreational shopping is to avoid it whenever possible. I just find that kind of environment too much anymore and I would rather take my girls outside or to the library. That way all of us are more calm and content. You also don't have to be blasted with potential wants.
I guess I can honestly say I don't have a lot of wants with the exception of a few areas I struggle in......food (that I probably don't "need" to be eating), my cloth diaper stash for the girls, and kitchen gadgets. Darn those kitchen gadgets get me every time. I don't indulge as much now though due to my husband's salary getting reduced and the desire to move to a house that fits our now larger family. We really "need" a house where we can all fit at the kitchen table at the same time to eat a meal. That is a strong motivation to save as much as possible and curtail those wants.
How many people struggle with a want for a bigger diaper stash?
Kim, I don't think you have a problem.
You would be surprised...I'm not the only one who finds those cute little dipes quite addicting 🙂
My youngest is 8 now, but I'm totally with you!
I was always torn between being very practical and not really needing any more than a terry square and the gorgeous shaped nappies and covers that were just irresistible!
I sate my kitchen goods jones by going to Estate Sales. The quality is almost always better and I can usually buy used for what the sales tax would be on new, inferior quality versions. Unlike yard or garage sales, Estate Sales occur as a rule when someone has died and the relatives are looking to unload the unwanted household goods. I often find deals on cleaning supplies, foil, waxed paper, tissues and even canned goods.
It occasionally creeps me out a bit, but it's really just another way to "reduce, reuse, recycle". When I think of it, I say a little prayer for the deceased and their loved ones when I use their item.
When I moved, I had cleaners, plastic bags, foil, waxed paper, etc. that I wasn't going to take with me. I had a table at my yard sale and priced all of this stuff 5, 10, or 25 cents and people were THRILLED!
I really have not had a hard time with this, cause I hate shopping. I do have family members who run to get the "latest and greatest" as soon as it hits the stores. In turn though, they don't have the money for emergencies. So, that whole "keepin up with the jones" has bit them several times. My wants are just a little different. I want to not worry about paying the electric bill,house payment, groceries etc. It seems the more you practice the frugal lifestyle, the less material things you want. My sister told me one time that we deprived ourselves by living frugal. I told her that we have things you can't see. Peace of mind, a savings account for emergencies, etc.
I like your reply that you have things you can't see like peace of mind and a savings account for emergencies. I would probably also add better sleep (no laying awake worrying about if a check will bounce or maxing out a credit card)!
I made my adjustment a long time ago so I no longer remember how I got there - no help, I know. It helps that, like Terri S., I don't like shopping.
Ah! I remember one thing. If I want something that everybody has, that I can't afford or shouldn't buy, I pretend I'm so stinking rich that I don't care what others think.
I have found that the less I work, the happier I am, and that I don't really need all the *stuff* that working bought to be happy. I go shopping as little as possible, and try to think very hard about each purchase. I also find that writing about my life makes me examine it even more, so blogging helps!
Excellent, excellent. Love you policy-sweetly but succinctly put. I really needed a bit of a reminder to keep my priorities straight. I'm a bit stressed this week and usually cope with that by...going shopping not good when I'm really trying to grow my next egg. Thanks for the virtual smack. 🙂
I tend to focus on what I have, not on what I don't have. Yesterday I saw a poster that said "What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday". That really made me think.
Oh wow. I guess that means I'd have water, my apartment, and my family. Although, come to think of it, that's enough.
I am going to try to remember this. I think it might send me to my knees a bit more often, too!
I put things I want on a wish list. I keep an active one on Amazon so I can add to it whenever I feel the need. When I look over my wish list from time to time I take things off that I really didn't want I just thought I did at the moment. What stays on the wish list is eventually purchased. I figure that if I wanted it for a few months I might actually "need" it.
I'm the same way! So often I end up taking stuff off my list and thinking, "Why did I want that?"
I use this technique too. My mother used to make us sleep on our wants for 24 hours before she would purchase something we "needed". I find it rare that I end up buying something on my wish list. I still use the 24 hour rule.
Thinking about things in regards to how many hours I would have to work in order to buy it helps me to keep my wants down.
Also, my husband and I have a goal to be debt free (including our mortgage) by age 27 (2 more years) which helps to keep us motivated. Every month when we pay our normal mortgage payment we look at how much went to principal and how much went to intrest and celebrate with a bowl of ice cream. We have to "celebrate the small victories or we will go insane".
I want to be able to stay home with my kids if we have any, and being debt free will help with that.
Those are my ways of curbing material wants- always looking to the future and reminding myself I will not regret being frugal in some areas so I can enjoy the things that really matter!
Morgage gone before you turn 30! You are amazing! Good for you.
Wow!! Good for you. What a responsible goal to have your mortgage paid off. My husband and I just bought a cute little house and people tell us "oh, you'll live there a few years and then move up". But, no, we'd love to be in this house for as long as possible. Buying a bigger house than what we need is *not* on our list of priorities.
Oh, my hat is off to you -- so inspiring! And I am an old lady of 5 decades plus. Love the "Bowl of ice cream" -- your achievement IS celebration-worthy at any age but -- wow! -- so young and so focused! Kudos!
I try to keep mindful. I love having sayings printed and put on the wall. Next to my desk is "A Place for Everything and Everything in Place" (and I have a 695sq ft home for 3 people, one of which is a toddler) and "It isn't about having what you want, but wanting what you have." I think the two of those remind me constantly to be mindful of space and to find contentment with those things we already have.
I really like what Mary Kay said above! It reminds me to be more grateful! I'd have my family, food and health! I need to be grateful for the roof over our heads too!
Reading blogs like yours, I've come to realize that if what I have works, there's absolutely no reason to replace it! For example, my husband and I both wanted ereaders, and toyed with the idea of saving for iPads. Then, one night, Geoff called it a tablet computer (which I hadn't heard up until then) and I realized that I have a perfectly good laptop that I don't need to replace. So instead we opted for Kindles, which did exactly what we needed them to do.
Also, one time you said that when you're tempted to just get takeout and not cook, you try to remember your overall financial goals. I try to do that too. I think about how we're paying off credit cards and saving for new furniture. Sometimes that helps me realize that I don't need to go out to eat, or that I don't need a new movie or shirt, because I'm saving for something larger.
Frugal Girl, I think you have a typo in your comment guide lines.
I think you wanted to say than not that in your 3rd point.
Yes! Thank you so much...I fixed it.
Some wants are ok in life. For instance, I wanted to pay cash for my recent wedding. My husband and I saved for two years and managed to scrap together $20k. Excessive? A bit. But we didn't go into debt for it and me not buying that handbag I wanted, or those shoes that were cute, or going out to eat 24/7 really made it worth it.
Now that we're trying to build back up our savings, we're still in the same boat, just without a deadline.
I keep a word doc. with all the material wants on it (some of them are not as material, like plane tickets somewhere). But each time I feel like I realllly want something, it goes on this list. It's been SO helpful for holidays and birthdays, when people really want to know what I'd love. I can hand over the list and they can pick whatever they want. It's a good feeling to be treated to something I've been wanting for a while.
(I know I should probably say I try to be grateful for what I have..etc etc. I AM grateful for what I have. And I do avoid catalogs, advertisements, shopping for fun--I'm never at the mall. BUT I don't feel like this eliminates my wants completely. Sometimes when I'm baking or doing a household task, I'll think, "man, wouldn't XYZ be great to have right now?" Then XYZ goes on my list and I forget about it again.).
How do you ACTUALLY get rid of wants?
It helps to get older! I'm a grandma and it is MUCH easier to look at something in a store and thinks "How cute is that!" yet not want to bring it home with me. 🙂
The good thing about that technique is that we will ALL be using it eventually. Hee.
My husband and I made the conscious decision to live Plain - living with a minimum of technology - six years ago. We do have electricity and a computer, obviously. A 3/4 reduction in salaries makes it a lot easier to cut back, but it might not curb the wayward heart. We just had to get a right way of thinking - that things we have are just to get us through life, not to make us feel better. We don't use credit; we must pay cash for everything; housing, heating, utilities and car expense are given costs, and then we buy food.
The one sign I have up throughout the house and in my wallet is :
Use it up, wear it out, make do or do without.
I truly live by that and I'm raising kids by that also. We (my dh and I) grew up around our grandparents and having heard their stories about the Great Depression and WWII and how they struggled really changed us and whenever we have a want we think back about those times and our want isn't really exciting anymore.
We may have gadgets , but they were on sale/gifts given to us, paid in cash, sometimes free ( through dh's work incentives) and something that will last us years ( I still have a Tracphone from 6 years ago, my car is 11 years old/paid cash for it too). We really think about what we are buying first and sometimes wait years to buy something new.
My dd's have paid for their laptops ( used ) and iPod's with their work money and/or birthday/Christmas money. They want something that is outside the needs, they pay for it with their own money..it really makes them think about what they are buying.
I just heard a show on NPR discussing how it is human psyche to try to attain status symbols and currently that my friends is STUFF! How do we change the societal norm? Well, all we can change is ourselves and that takes conscious thinking and making a conscious decision on each purchase. It means questioning what we believe and why. It is very helpful to find other like minded people and hang with them.
Today I bought more sheets because I need less sheets, crazy, huh?! I'm fed up with our set we've had 'forever' and I realised the other day that we have a ton of sheets for our children's beds when two sets for each bed will suffice (only one set for my bed, washed and dried in one day!) So I'm replacing the old threadbare ones with bargain basement new ones and then I'm whittling them down! So you see my needs are fairly complicated at the moment, lol!!
Oops, you talked about wants and I replied about needs..this is obviously my subconscious frugality speaking!!!
I just had this very conversation with my boss yesterday. I've had to downsize my financial life considerably because of a divorce 3 years ago. I have learned to find peace and happiness in the comfort that I own and have paid for everything I have (except my mortgage). I don't have much and many of the things I do have are used and worn out but they are mine. I would do just about anything, except go into debt, for a new living room right now. But when this "want" starts to consume me, I look around my house, maybe do a little decluttering and find comfort in knowing that what I'm doing is best for me and my son.
When friends around me are all talking on their fancy iphones and I pull out my pay as you go $20 phone from Walmart and say to me, what is that? I say its a phone I can afford without a huge monthly bill. I don't need to keep up with the Jones, I only need to keep up with me.
Simple living makes me happy.
These comments are great! I recently graduated from college and started an AmeriCorps volunteer position, so frugality is necessary. I save 10% of my income (and one of my "wants" and "joys" is seeing that number grow every time I deposit!) and try to spend frugally in certain areas so that I can be a tiny bit extravagant in other areas.
The things that are most important to me are spending time with people I love, eating well, and appreciating my surroundings. This means that my priorities are saving money to visit family and friends and having a larger food budget so I can try cooking new things. When I see an object I want, I weigh it against being able to spend more in those areas. Usually, I'm a lot happier fulfilling those simple wants than purchasing extra gadgets or new clothes.
When there is an object that I want (usually a new kitchen gadget or a book), I add it to my Amazon wishlist. I leave it there for quite awhile. If I keep thinking about it, or often start to make something and think about how much easier it would be if I had a certain thing, and it would truly be used often, I try to find it for the lowest price possible.
Taking my teenagers shopping is a no-no!
Lovely. Not wanting something is as good as possessing it.
Thank you for this 🙂
That quote is true and profound yet simple. It hit home--just the renewed strength and motivation I need going into this holiday season.
Also, I loved the post yesterday with the great pics. I loved the expression on your kids' faces. It gave me a cozy feeling as I was home tending to my 13-year old son's broken collarbone. The boys enjoyed the fantastic weather we were having on Tuesday, (thus green machine tricks and accidents and quick ER trip) and then on Wednesday the snow hit but is already gone, thankfully.
Thanks, Kristen for your post. True joy does not come from "the stuff" anyway. I am still buying gifts for people but my motivation is for those gifts to be meaningful and practical to the recipient. Not to impress the crowd and I definitely think about keeping the cost low. If it's a high-ticket item than it will be well worth the expense. Also, we've scaled way back on the number of gift recipients. It really isn't about the gifts anyway, it is about the relationships. Those relationships are the gifts.
There seems to be a streak toward hoarding in the women in my family and that really influences my shopping habits. I worry this hoarding might be genetic so I keep a very ruthless rein on purchasing and try to edit the contents of my house often to maintain only the things I use often and eliminate redundancy. Whenever my mom comes to visit I have to fight really hard to stop her from buying all the little things that are on sale that she thinks I would like, or stockpiles of food - so so stressful! I guess the upside to all this vigilance (aside from a clean and clutter-free home) is saving $$$. Although I confess, if I find something I think is perfect, I won't consider the cost. What I find strange is that my mom considers herself a very frugal person, because she won't buy anything if it's not on sale. Except she will buy several completely unnecessary items simply because they are marked down and she thinks it's a good deal. So in the end, we might end up spending the same amount of money but I will have something that I use all the time of high quality and she has 20 random things she never looks at again but can't bear to throw away. Sorry this has gotten off topic a little, just something I am currently dealing with!
(and am in complete agreement with the new commenting policy!)
So true about buying something just because it is a good deal. I found this great cotton nightgown/loungey dress at Goodwill....so comfortable. But after I got it home it dawned on me that I already had enough nightgowns! I guess one of the old ones has to go. But I still spend money that I didn't need to.
I have noticed this tendancy in my family too and work very hard to fight it. I think to myself "I don't want my house looking like this" everytime I visit them and keep very mindful of that when I think I need to buy something.
All I really want is to be around to see my Kids have their own family. That's something money can't buy...
This is something I struggle with all.the.time. I'm a compulsive shopper so the only way not to buy junk I don't need is to not enter the store at all. When my desire to have something new (especially a new house) gets really strong I have to remind myself of all that I am already blessed with. This doesn't mean I am truly content with what I have- I'm still working on that. But it does help put things back into perspective. Our 2 bedroom condo might be small, but it fits all of our stuff, doesn't take a long time to clean, and there's a second bedroom for when our first child (or children) comes along. I may not be satisfied with my current career, but at least I have a job and it pays well enough to cover my mortgage and other expenses with a little left over at the end of the month. Reminding myself that most of my friends don't own their own homes and that many of them are struggling to pay their basic expenses helps me refocus on being thankful for all that we have already, which is a heck of a lot.
Jennifer - as a compulsive shopper staying out of the store is the single most effective thing you can do. I'm not a shopper but have still managed to reduce my monthly spend (not just groceries by almost half) - I no longer make emergency trips to a large store. I could go in for a pint of milk and spend £20 - and I'm NOT a shopper!
I can TOTALLY do that. For those emergency trips to the grocery store, I send my husband who will only buy what's on the list. Target is probably my biggest money sucker, so I just have to stay out of there as much as possible. I used to go once a week and now I go less than once a month. Most of the items I used to buy there- like litter- I've found elsewhere so my reasons to go there are reduced.
I have different ways of trying to accomplish scaling down my wants. I want a new car, but then I think "I'd have to worry about somebody scraping it in a parking lot, I wouldn't want to ferry around pets (right now if I go to the bank at work, the office dog goes along for the ride!), I wouldn't feel comfortable drinking a coffee on my way to work". So maybe it's best that I drive around in my little beater - it's certainly more comfortable.
I want a nice wardrobe - but instead of going to the mall where I know I would get into all kinds of trouble and then feel bad about how much I'd spent - I go to a resale shop, where I can usually find nicer things than I would have been able to afford if I'd bought them brand new. Like the London Fog raincoat I found a couple of years ago at Value Village.
I want to go shopping with my girlfriends and blow money the way they do, but instead I skip the shopping day trips and encourage movie night in our homes, dinners made together, and game night.
And really, I think keeping yourself busy is the best way to keep from worrying about what you "want". Read a book, take a walk, work in the garden. Stay away from the t.v. that just advertises all those things you want, and makes you think everyone else in America already has them. Celebrities certainly do, but I think t.v. has made us think that everyone lives that way, while in reality it's just a tiny percent of the population. Everyone else is doing their best to get by just like we are.
This was a good topic - I hope you consolidate the answers when you post your own thoughts.
I try to be respectful of the things I own. For example....a washing machine. My husband had to work X number of hours to purchase it. I feel I have a responsibility to take care of it, keep it clean and not let it get gunked up over time so that it will stay looking nice and operate efficiently.
Or something pretty to set out on the mantle. It's going to get dusty. Am I going to get enough enjoyment out of it to dust it, wrap it carefully when we move, work the number of hours it would take to purchase it, etc?
It helps me to remember that everything I own, owns a part of me.
That comment from Renee is SOOOO true.
"It helps me to remember that everything I own, owns a part of me."
so very true!
I have this same issue...I create "wants" lists to help me figure it out...here are my thoughts in full: http://minimalistmommi.blogspot.com/2011/09/desiring.html
This is a great post! Thanks for inspiring us to think.
For me, the problem isn't deciding between what I need and what I want. I know the difference. I need a shelter, I need food, I need love. But, curbing my wants is hard. I really like the suggestions about getting off catalogue mailing lists. I'm going to do that!
I find that going to the library really helps me satisfy some of my buying urges. I get to bring home all the books I want, and it's all free. It's shopping without spending money. And it helps me read more and watch TV less, which is good for me.
Love the library!
Here is what I've been working on to reduce the wants:
- Cancelled all catalogues and store e-mails
- Cancelled cable and just watch Netflix now (no commercials!)
- Avoid shopping malls and department stores, go shopping with a list
- Instead of reading magazines, read frugal and minimalist blogs to be inspired
- Watch documentaries on simplicity and sustainability to remind myself of the lifestyle we want and need to live
- Declutter, declutter, declutter. The more I get rid of, the less I want to bring into the house
Yup, TOTALLY agree with the decluttering! I realized once that I was bringing more STUFF into my home when my home was already filled with lots of stuff I never used or looked at! Once I decluttered and got rid of lots of stuff, it taught me to be really careful about what I purchase and bring into my home. The "want" of having an uncluttered home somehow overcompensates for the "want" for more stuff!
I think for me, I try to root out the "wish" or "unhappiness" behind the want. For example I often desire a more cute/hip wardrobe, but of course should not spend that much money on clothes. So I examine, what am I really wanting here? I am really wanting clothes or to feel beautiful? Am I wanting a new sofa or do I am I just feeling bored with my life and moving around the furnature would do the trick? etc.
I think for me when I am mindful of all that I am blessed with, that helps me to be content and actually smile.
I do limit trips to the mall and other stores and we don't watch TV so we don't see the commercials for the latest and greatest thing. That also helps me.
One last thing, our philosophy is if we don't have the cash in hand to buy it, we can't buy it. We have been able to do that with everything except our house and cars but we are working toward paying for our next car with cash.
This is still something I struggle with a lot. I'm really great at not buying stuff I don't need, but I constantly covet things that others have.
I think it's just something that gets easier over time for me. As I get older, I realize more and more that I would rather have the money than the clothes I'm never going to wear or gadget I'm going to get tired of.
Staying off the computer! 😉 Looking at what all my friends have on facebook, etc does NOT help! My husband has a saying "the reason the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence is because there is more fertilizer over there"....and I always think "but their house is cleaner, nicer, better furnished..etc..." Really though? My children are happy, healthy, and we are giving them a solid family to grow up in. That is so much more than a lot of other people have. I have to remind myself to be thankful for a husband who loves me and children (including one teenager) who like to be around me.
I don't have Facebook any more, partially for that reason.
Avoid the media, definitely. Limiting visits to stores, yes. But, the piece of advice that Dave Ramsey gives is to live like no one else so that later you can live like no one else. He means not to go into debt for wants so that later you are building wealth while others are making payments. I like the live like no one else notion, he says to be different, let people laugh at you, basically dont keep up with the jonses because ya know what most of the jonses cant even afford what they have anyway!
This is our motto exactly too! We were started on paying off our mortgage early before we read the Dave Ramsey book, but once we read that it was more motivating. I love the "Live like no one else so that later you can live like no one else"! Have to remind myself of that when we get together with friends that have the latest iPad, satellite tv, high speed internet, new vehicles, etc, etc...It can get pretty discouraging, but then I think well just think of all the debt they are trying to manage. We will hopefully be able to buy those things with cash in a few years. And really all those things may make us happy for a short time, but the happiness quickly wears off because of how quickly everything gets outdated.
It helps me to look back at how most families lived in the 1950s. House weren't so big--smaller rooms and fewer of them. No one had both a living room and a family room. Few families needed more than three bedrooms--one for boys, one for girls, and one for parents. Bunk beds were popular. Closets were small, too, so obviously people didn't have tons of clothes. No one had dish washers and clothes dryers. Yet somehow whole families lived happy lives. We can, too.
I use the simple method of walking away. If I'm still thinking about an item a week or so later then I'll go back and get it.
I actually window shop a lot which drives my bf crazy. I'll go completly through a mall, try on a bunch of things, pick out a bunch of things, then buy nothing until a week or so later when I'll do a quick in-and-out to get the one or two things I'm still thinking of. I also make a habit of buying things for others, even if their birthday or christmas is months away I'll buy the perfect gift early and tuck it away. When I'm constantly thinking of what other people would like and could use, I want less for myself.
When I buy an early gift, I make a note on my calendar on the event date (birthday, etc). "Have gift. Hall closet". I've been known to forget where I put it!
LOVE IT!
Almost nothing feels so good to my psyche than money in the bank i.e., some sense of financial freedom. One of my favorite quotes is "I buy my freedom with my frugality." This has allowed me to leave an extremely difficult work situation.
So, when I see something that I want, I mentally hold it up against "financial freedom". Rarely does the thing outweigh the freedom.
However, I have found that I do much better if there is some "blow money" each month so that some of my wants are met. Lately the blow money has been spent on dinner/lunch with friends i.e., experiences rather than things.
The best thing I've ever done is read "Generous Justice" by Tim Keller. Since I grew up in church, I always tithe & I have always heard that my money belongs to God (not to me) but I didn't fully grasp the concept until reading this book recently. So now my husband and I are comparing our "wants" to the needs of those around us who aren't blessed with a good job or safe housing. Such a blessing to use our fun money on helping people rather than our own selfish desires - I'd much rather give my money away than have a whole closet full of fancy shoes. You can't take them with you!
Just started that book! Glad its worth the read!
A comment to your comment policy - don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't say directly to their face. It makes you think about what you say and how to say it politely.
I think the turning point for me was reading Ron Sider's "Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger". I would say my wants list became drastically reduced after that.
I think the #1 thing we do is we don't have a television. We do watch dvd's and stream a bit on our computers, but since that doesn't involve many, if any commercials, it's a lot better.
Secondly, I don't go to malls or other shopping places unless I need something. If it's not in front of my eyeballs I don't have the chance to want it! Ignorance is bliss, right?
Lastly, I try to think about purchases that are not emergencies for a few days. Most of the time I can resist after a few days go by!
Re: comments policy - we *try* to use the *THINK* policy around here - Ask yourself if your comment is:
True
Helpful
Inspiring
Necessary
Kind
good commenting policy.
I am expecting a baby, and will be a full time stay at home mommy once he gets here. This will drastically affect our budget- hence what is a want and what is a need. I currently work part time, so a want is something that I can work extra hours for if needed, or if there is extra money we can have it. That will change to is there extra money so we can have it. That seems so simple, but man that want list is long!
We have a "fun money" fund. This is where our extra money goes- often we save up for something. Not in the fund? Can't have it. Wait until the money is there. If we really want it, money moves over quicker because we are motivated.
Wait. Oh, I already said that. But really- delaying gratification sometimes helps me find other ways to do without, find a really good deal, or cross it off the list.
Avoid temptation. I try to stay out of multi-purpose stores- Target, Wal-mart, the Mall, and the huge grocery stores. I pay at the pump to avoid gas station goodies temptation (for me and my 3 year old!!).
Contentment and perspective. I find it easier to be content with what I have if I am busy doing something I love. We got a pass to our local state park and go hiking as often as we want. It keeps us busy, out of the malls, and at the end of a hike, or yoga practice, or really anything of the sort, I am so happy that I don't want anything but more moments like those.
I also thing about the bigger want, which I guess doesn't stop wanting completely, but it does help focus it on something of value (a house and a child right now) rather than the "deal" at Target or where ever.
Before reading all the other comments, I'd say:
1) Cultivate friends who share the same values (particularly about STUFF) as you do.
2) Limit your exposure to advertising.
3) Think carefully about the difference between "want" and "need."
4) Focus on doing what really makes you happy, and not what our society says will make you happy.
Now, I can't wait to go see what other great ideas have been posted!
This may sound silly but I look at our life through my dogs' eyes. They must feel like the most privileged dogs in the world. They have a warm place to sleep, enough to eat and all the love they could ever need. They don't care that they are sleeping on a 15 year old stained sofa. They just care that they are getting to cuddle. I then look at my life and think I have it pretty good. The love is where it's all at anyway.
Great answer!
I am trying to get better at only purchasing needs. I agree staying out of stores helps a lot. Also I wanted to wholeheartedly agree with the point several people made about the value of having TIME and how two working parents makes for a very stressed life. Both my husband and I work full time and as a result we don't see our daughter very much, always feel rushed, and struggle to find time to do basic home upkeep. We're trying for another baby and have decided I will quit my job when he/she arrives and live as frugally as possible. Living a hectic life and never seeing your children is not worth the additional income. Like others have said it's all about keeping your real priorities in mind. 🙂
Good for you Amy! I did the same thing over 34 years ago and never regretted getting to enjoy watching my daughter grow up! ... have to admit getting use to one income will be a challenge the first year ... but don't give up ... you young mom's have so much more info available about living frugally then I did ... example: I quit work when my daughter was 2 1/2 yrs. old ... we went to the zoo one afternoon and came home to find several families with children my daughter's age had all bought new swing sets ... we didn't have the money at that time to buy even a cheap one ... I cried and cried ... silly now that I look back on it after all these years ... but it was a sacrifice worth making ... ended up my husband's grandmother bought one for her ... just a simple set ... nothing elaborate ... but my daughter and the neighborhood kids enjoyed that simple swing set for almost 10 years!
SIGH, another, dime a dozen, stay at home "frugal" (read husband pays for everything, while god zombie mombie pretends to stay busy)mom who will delete any commetns that dont kiss her butt and whorship at the alter of the boring, mombie
Actually, your comment tickled my funny bone so much, I'm going to break my own commenting policy and approve this. 😉
Mandy, yours is an interesting perspective. I am a non-religious, single, career-oriented female with no children, and I find that the insights and the intentions of this blog help me remember what really matters in life. For me it's relationships, people and experiences, not things. As an environmentalist, I appreciate other perspectives about how to reuse, reduce and cut down on the number of goods that need to be manufactured. Not every idea makes sense for me, but the discussions keep my creative juices flowing for solutions that make sense for me.
If this blog doesn't speak to you, you might consider unsubscribing from it and looking at the Bioneers (http://www.bioneers.org/). They come from a different ethic that make resonate more for you.
If you don't agree with any of the content of this blog, why bother commenting? How exactly does one get pleasure out of this type of comment?
I just think being called a god zombie mombie is downright hilarious.
Mr. FG thought the comment about pretending to stay busy was pretty good.
HA! Like my husband likes to joke, "you're just sitting at home eating bonbons and watching soap operas."
Yep, that's exactly what I do all day. I used to work a 60 hour a week stressful office job, and let me tell you, being a SAHM is a lot harder.
I also like Dave Ramsey's response to callers who describe a home with separate finances. For example, a woman with a much smaller income than her husband was expected to pay off "her" debt with "her" income. Dave asked if the woman if she took care of her husband when he was sick.
Marriage is a partnership... and we help each other in endless ways. Does it really matter that my husband is the only one earning an income right now? Besides, Kristen earns her own money through teaching piano, blogging, etc. on top of all the frugal things she does. And all the "frugal" (insert snarky tone) activities SAHM's do are earning money tax free!
Yes, Mr. FG doesn't view his paycheck as "his" money, and I don't view my income as "my" money either. We're partners, and even though I pull in a lot less actual money than he does, I know he feels like I pull at LEAST my fair share of the weight around here because of all that I do at home.
Ha! I'm going to be starting a part-time job now that both my kids are in school. When my husband and I were discussing whether I should take the position I said, "My life is really scheduled right now. I know I'm dropping off the kids, but it's not like I'm sitting around eating bonbons and reading magazines!" My husband responded, "Well I don't know why not. You're missing a golden opportunity here!" It made me giggle for weeks.
No doubt!
Wow as the working spouse I find this very offensive. My husband has been unable to find a job and we often find ourselves feeling like we are missing out on our "wants". I found everything everyone else said very helpful and enlightening.
I don't think the problem is necessarily having wants, it's lack of personal responsibility in consumers. We, as a society, have such an instant gratification infatuation that we are willing to blame just about ANYONE else when we overspend and give into temptation.
What curbs my giving in is imagining myself in a courtroom, confessing to the frivolous spending I *want* to do. Silly? Maybe, but having to stand there and take responsibility of my wants before I cave keeps me from following through a large percentage of the time.
It would be super easy to just say "well so and so shops like this," or "but that commercial really sealed the deal," but in the end, the truth is that no one can be blamed for satisfying my unnecessary wants but me (unless someone gifts me something, but that's a different and rare story).
We move every two years for work. The mental filter I always use is "will I want to inventory this, pack this, ship this, unload this, inventor this, and pack this back up again"? Surprisingly effective!
Er, spell check fail. Inventory this.
A friend of mine lost her house in a fire two weeks ago. Since, she has started us all on cataloging everything in our homes should that tragedy befall us - and the things you get rid just so you don't have to write down you own them!
I'venever been a buyer - i own one pair of jeans that I wash and wear daily, and I havent talked myaelf into getting another - but I see this helping with any impulses I do have.
I was in a TJMaxx yesterday (never a good idea!) and on the back of the dressing room door, there was a sign that said "go ahead and get it. you know you want it." or something to that effect. I couldn't believe it! I can't remember recently seeing anything that seemed like such an aggressive marketing strategy.
As I get older, and with the influence of my frugal husband, I find that I want less, buy less and need less. The challenge is having teenagers who have a hard time with the difference between wants and needs.
In grade school, when my scholarship ran out, I decided to sleep over all purchases. So, I would try on shoes, find a pair I liked, thank the people in the store for their help and say I would return the day after. More often than not, they thought this was a fib and they had a hard time hiding their thought in their facial expression! More often than not, I would return the next day to collect my purchase. Still makes me smile, that memory of their surprise when I _did_ return.
That would be the exact opposite of the sign you saw at TJmaxx!
Later, one income/new house+baby etc, I found it really easy to retrieve this gut feeling of really making sure I was not spending unnecessarily. Practising, practising!
I so love this! I am getting much needed inspiration from everyone! I have struggled with this myself over the years and have finally attempted to live by it. I just sold my 4 bedroom, 3 bath house w/2 car garage and half acre back yard and moved into a 2.5 bedroom 2 bath mobile home with no garage! A little extreme in some eyes, but I am simplifying my life and my son's. He will be my biggest conversion, from wanting to needing. But these life changes are already having a great impact. One step closer to moving our new mobile home to plot of land where I can eventially live off the gris and substainably. Baby steps! Good luck all!
Two quotes always come to me when I'm thinking about wanting something. The first is by Will Rogers and is :"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." The second is :If you have food in the fridge, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep your richer than 75 per cent of people in this world. If you have money in the bank, some in your purse and some spare change in a dish, your among the top 8 per cent of the worlds wealthy.
I'm not sure where this one came from though! When I'm considering a purchase I try and think of these as it helps me focus on whether it's a need or a want.
I've never been one to want lots of material things but like many, I do get caught up in wanting certain things. Like a pp, I buy cloth diapers "for my baby.." uh ya, she needs like 8. I have bought her like 30. Anyway, what helps me curb my wants is thinking about all the things that have that I don't want. Like the golf clubs we never use or the fancy breadmaker that we used once or the set of china from our wedding. We're out of space and bringing more stuff into the house just makes me feel worse. I tend to feel stupid when I pay a lot for something that doesn't fit well or we don't use, so that motivates me too.
I have to remind myself about how I feel when I spent $40 on a mani/pedi and then the nail polish smudged so I had to remove it anyway. This encourages me to instead go buy a $4 bottle of nailpolish that will last me months. In the end, it's not the fancy car or flashy clothes that make me feel good about our lives. It's knowing that we've saved up so I have the option to stay home with our daughter. It's knowing that I made and fed my family a healthy meal. It's knowing that my husband looks forward to coming home and spending time with us. It's having a healthy family. This is what matters to me so when I think maybe I want that $50 pair of shoes, they suddenly don't seem so important. Living within our means = freedom for us.
In an effort to save money on gas, my husband kindly asked me to consolidate my trips into town. At first, I'll admit, I felt like a hermit only driving into town 1 time per week. However, I've come to realize that in addition to saving gas money, it's drastically reduced my tendency to spend compulsively because now I only go to the places where I absolutely need to go to get something. Also, since I have a young child I must move from place to place very quickly before meal time/nap times/melt down times. I feel much more efficient in my shopping and am less likely to window shop or stroll around the stores finding reasons to spend money.
Knowing the difference between a "want" and a "need" comes in handy...nay! is an absolute necessity. Can you live without it? Then it is a "want" and you don't need it. Funny, the less I need things, the less I want them, too. Works well for me.
Very good suggestions from everyone. Being a bit older than most of the posters (kids in college), I have an opposite problem. It's hard for me to spend money for anything that is not an absolute necessity even when we have the money. We have always paid cash for everything, paid off our houses early, and stayed out of the stores. Consequently, we have a good nest egg, money for college and retirement, and any thing else we could need. However, I go through a lot of angst buying something that is not absolutely needed even when we have the money and it is something that would really make my life my enjoyable. We have set good examples for our kids in that they are very responsible with their money and have few wants. However, I also want them to know that it's okay to spend money sometimes if you have it.
My husband and I experienced a large decrease in income when we decided it'd best for me to stay home with our baby (now 13 months). So thankful I did as this last year went by so fast! It can be hard financially but so worth it and really we just end up being home a lot to decrease spending, which isnt a bad thing!
My question is how do you handle those friends who don't have a frugal mind set at all?? They want and get the latest and greatest things and all name brand clothes. I find myself feeling discontent when we spend time with them and I just hate that feeling! Do we limit time spent with them like we do with other things like tv(which we dont even have, just watch dvds and shows online! So much cheaper!),stores, magazines,etc.??
P.s. love reading all these comments! So encouraging!!
Janelle, You are not the one with the wrong mind set. Less is more. I love watching tv from my computer. I find so much more to watch that meets my needs including you tube how to. Your baby will only be young for a while they grow so fast. Debt free is not a bad idea. The new things can wait the baby won't. Things don't make you feel love anyway. Being a happy family does. I know you feel left out but really you aren't. I love ebay, goodwill and any other place I can find a bargain. I love saving and couponing not extreme crazy like some folks but still I am good when I do it. Enjoy the hunt for the bargain. I got a great bread machine for only 9.99 at goodwill. Used is not only a bargain but in this economy the new cool. I like finding new Goodwills. Change your mindset and love your family. Maybe it is time to find a family that shares your same goals. And limit your interactions. Family is more important then friends. And those friends have bills out their bottoms. I have friends that don't have kids and they can do so much more then I do because they both work 60+ hours a week. So, they get new play toys all the time. But I love them and don't feel upset when they get new stuff. I love their vacation photo's I enjoy what they can do not envie. Their life is different I choose my path they choose theirs doesn't mean we still don't love each other. So, realize you chose to be at home with that beautiful baby instead of handing the baby to someone else to raise for over 10 hours a day. Eight plus 2 for commute. I don't blame you at all.
Thanks Twila! Yes, I need to just work on my mindset I think too. Mostly I try to remind myself that "that product/vacation is nice, but so not worth the time I have at home with my daughter." I also find myself in shock and awe when a friend states she paid $200 for just a curtain and crib bedskirt! I just cant imagine that ever being justifiable to me even if we still had two incomes. To each his own I guess, everyone have different priorities in their spending of money. A lot of the discontent I feel I think is more for the things we can't affiord for my daughter. Then I need to remind myself she doesnt care that over half her clothes are second hand or were on clearance, she doesnt care if her nursery isnt pottery barn perfect or her carseat isnt the "trendy" brand. She gets to have her mama home with her all day, every day and that's what she really wants/needs. Her daddy is so supportive of me staying at home and we have such great, low cost family time at the park or in the back yard when he's off.
My husband and I didnt really spend frivolously prior to having children. We would splurge at times when we found something we really wanted but over all not big spenders. I couldnt bring myself to buy any clothes for full price unless I knew it would be used often and for a long time, new shoes came when old ones wore out, etc. However, when you get used to two incomes....you really feel it when you lose about half of what you were making. Looking back now I see so many ways in which we could've spent our money more wisely, but that's life! It's so rewarding to see how far we can stretch our dollars now because we have to.
Finding bloggers online who are of this similar mindset is so encouraging and I love finding those bargains too and hearing of other people's bargains. There is no need to pay top dollar, you just have to work a little harder to find a good deal. 🙂 I have two sister-in-laws who are bargain hunters too and quite thrifty so that is encouraging as well. We don't live near eachother but its still helpful in knowing I'm not alone. 🙂
Your not alone and won't ever be. You choose to be a mommy first and that is the best present you can ever get. My daughter is hanging from a zip line in KY as we I type. She is happy, healthy and may not have all the brand new things her friends do. But we have computer,food, shelter and love what more do you really need. As you get older you will find programs to love and support your choices too. My daughter is at Tim Horton's Camp having a great time with Boys and Girls club. And it didn't cost us a dime Tim Horton's support the kids while they are there. So, you find programs that grow with you too that don't break the bank. Being good with money is an art and not easily learned. My kids know my heart and what I would buy if we could and what I wouldn't buy if we could. Things are only things. Love is love. Enjoy your baby and realize not only did you lose the extra income you lost the cost of the commute, daycare, lunches out, clothing needed for work, etc....I am learning to make bread, make noodles, can food, and do anything that saves us money and tastes better in the long run.
I was so infuriated a month ago when a friend from junior high posted on FB that she didn't know what to put on her Christmas Wish List now that there is no Oprah's favorite things list. Today, I posted the Food for the Hungry Christmas Catalog. How is it possible to feel we have to fulfill all our wants when others' needs go so unmet???
Living overseas, most of our family's wants are time with friends and family and foods we can't get here, it brings new perspective.
I totally agree with the comment about really looking into the perceived want/need to see if it can be met with a non-spendy alternative. Perhaps it is worth recommending investigating spiritual deficits in one's life rather than physical. Financial/material poverty should possibly be of less concern to more Americans, myself included.
I am sick and no longer have the wants like healthy person does. I currently have too much to care for I don't need anything new except for non-breakable dishes I drop them. Or less clutter all around. I am throwing away my life. My wants are reasonable a pressure canner to help keep me healthy. Things in my life are causing me grief I fall easily. Oh, and don't get me wrong I am not an elderly person just a person that has balance and health issues. So, less is so much more to me these days. Enjoy your health it is something a lot of us take for granted.
It's amazing how much things go into perspective when we lose something like our health, isn't it?
Totally agree. I wasted so much time on things I thought were important. I spent my last good year in school thinking I was going to be able to work. Now I am lucky to stand. Wishing I had spent all that stress time on studying on my kids instead. Gone places and done things I don't get to do now.
Regarding wants, due to spending 3 years getting out of debt ( 4 years ago now!), my motto has been, probably, rather drastic. " If I didn't have this or that, will I still be alive tomorrow?" Needs are different from wants and that is something I have to remember, especially when money is tight.
I have found that I don't need to own something to appreciate it's beauty. I also try to stay mindful of how little most of the world has. If I curtail my wants, I have more to share for their needs.
I think looking at some things practically. Like how much cable costs and what you are really missing. For example, what we are missing this time of year is football. Its hard to justify $500-1000 a year in cable when we don't really watch much other TV. So my guy has been catching up on the high-lights online or watching games other places. We're also looking into getting this $30 thing our friends told us about so that we could actually watch it at home. But looking at it as a chunk of money rather than the small amount a month I think really keeps things in perspective.
Also, thinking on others and what they are going through, makes me realize just how easy I have it. I've been thinking through this video a lot lately as we are entering the holiday season: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU&feature=player_embedded.
I work as a manager in a woman's clothing store so it has been difficult to resist the want of all things bright, shiny and new. It is pretty much expected of me to look a certain way and dress in newer fashions. I have done pretty well with this as I buy very few new items, mostly just clearance accessories to update classic looks and stay on trend. I buy a lot of clothes and accessories at the Goodwill and other thrift stores. I have a list on my phone of items that I want, I list a price range that I think is acceptable to purchase at and look for those items at thrift stores and yard sales. If I can't find that item at an amazing bargain price I don't get it.
One huge want I had struggled with is the want to eat out at Restaurants. We just had to set a limit: Once per week $30 or less with one of those being a go-all-out-appetizer-entree-dessert-extravaganza for under $60.
I also read frugal blogs. When I see that other people can control their wants and live a happy and healthy life I know that it really isn't about keeping up with the Joneses and come to think of it I don't really like the Joneses, they aren't very good friends or polite to brag about their new everythings, and the truth is they are kind of fake and not very happy contented people and maybe it would do me well to get some new friends that instead of bragging about how much they spent on a new bedroom set, brag about they they got their dresser from a curb alert and their mirror was a hand-me-down and their headboard was picked up at a yard sale for $6.