A reader sent me this message via Instagram recently:
Could you possibly do a blog about surviving the pandemic mentally? Between winter, being tired of being online, etc. I’m super crabby…despite my blessings…which are many.
Part of it is I think I spend wayyyy too much time on my phone, doom scrolling.
Since I am not remotely qualified to give mental health advice, I told her I felt like I might be overstepping if I tried to address this.
But as we chatted, I realized that I could write about what helps me during tough times like these.
I am not giving you expert advice; I’m just sharing what works (and doesn’t work!) for me.
I don’t think any of this is rocket science, but sometimes, I know it helps to have a friend remind of basic things; things I might already know but may have forgotten about.
So, I’m going to try to be that friend for my Instagram follower.
Things that help me:
1. Acknowledge that this is hard
2020 was a rough year for the world in general (thank you, pandemic!)
Then when you add in the fact that it is winter for those of us in the northern hemisphere and you sprinkle in the personal challenges each of us face…it’s a lot to handle.
To pretend otherwise would be kind of a lie, and I think there’s some mental relief in being able to acknowledge that this is a tough time.
2. Remember that this is hard for everyone
An article I read recently pointed out that it’s safe to assume that most of the people you see are hanging on by a thread right now.
Some people are struggling more than others, but pandemic life is hard for everyone in some way or another.
There are financial struggles, loneliness, stress, family difficulties (from everyone being home), schooling difficulties (from everyone doing school at home!), and that’s not even taking into account the health difficulties from people being sick.
I don’t want other people to be struggling, of course!
But sometimes it does help to remember that I’m not struggling because there’s something wrong with me; I’m struggling because this is hard, and it’s hard for everyone.
3. Help someone else
Ruminating on my own unhappiness almost never helps me to feel better.
What DOES help me is to stop gazing at my own problems and instead look at someone else’s problems with an eye to helping.
How can I bring cheer to the people in my house?
How can I reach out to someone who might be lonely?
How could I encourage someone?
How could I take a load off of someone else?
4. Spend less time on my phone
I am just as tempted as the next person to doom-scroll, consume too much news, get sucked into social media, and so on.
And I know some people might be the exception, but I have read over and over that this type of behavior is statistically likely to make one’s mental state worse.
I also know that my level of self-control is pretty weak compared to the brilliant way that these apps and sites are engineered, so I do not leave this up to chance.
I:
- block most news sites from my phone’s browser
- keep most social media off of my phone
- install Instagram when I want to post, and then uninstall it*
- try to mainly use social media on a computer, where it is less addictive
- try to leave my phone in an inconvenient spot
- keep almost all notifications turned off
*trust me, this is necessary. Every time I leave Instagram on my phone, I end up getting sucked in and spending way too much time on that app. The time it takes to install and uninstall it is a tiny investment that saves me oodles of time overall. I have tried lots of other ways of curbing my Instagram time, and this is the only thing that has worked well. Basically: I CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
5. Remember that hard things do not usually last forever
Winter eventually ends.
Pandemics eventually end.
Some hardships in life are a very long sort of temporary, but even a long temporary IS still temporary.
So. I remind myself that spring is coming, that a vaccine is coming, and that the end of restrictions is coming.
A lot of the current hard things are quite likely to improve in just a few months.
Remembering that these struggles are temporary is what allows me to hope!
6. Celebrate small bits of progress
For example:
- The shortest day of the year is in my rearview mirror, so every day is getting a teeny bit longer now.
- People are starting to get vaccinated! And that’s really the beginning of the end of the pandemic.
7. Get as much light as possible
I know that getting outdoor light into my eyeballs helps me feel more cheerful. So, I open all of my curtains/blinds every day, and I try to get outside for a walk every day.
Yes, it’s cold out there, but cold light is still light, and it helps me.
8. Take good care of my body
I feel better when I:
- get to bed in time to get 8 hours of sleep
- move my body in some way, even if it’s just going for a walk
- put nutritious food into my body*
Those three things are serious self-care; I do them because they make me way better equipped to handle what life throws my way.
*this is 100% about making sure I add good nutrition. It is not about outlawing or avoiding foods. I wrote more about this eating philosophy here.
9. Remember what I believe
I’m a Christian, and my beliefs help me when times are tough.
For instance, I can remember that God promises to never leave or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).
I can remember that God takes care of even the sparrows, so I know he’s taking care of me (Matthew 10:29-31).
I can trust that God will use hard times to shape and grow me.
I can remember that God has good works planned out for me to do (Ephesians 2:10), and that the Bible doesn’t seem to say that that ceases to be true in a pandemic. Pandemic or no, I have work to do!
10. Take it one day at a time
Whenever I have been through hard things in my life, it has been tempting to look into the future, see a long period of suffering waiting for me, and then get really discouraged.
I do so much better if I just focus on today.
For instance, when I was pregnant and I saw months of sickness in front of me, I felt so defeated. It was much better for me to focus on getting through just one day at a time. At night, I used to collapse into bed and think, “Ok. I am one day closer to the end of this!”
I would personally rather live through a pandemic than live through hyperemesis again (pandemic life is less miserable for me!), but still, the same kind of idea can apply.
Each day, I can ask myself, “How can I best live today? How could I bless someone else today? What good could I be grateful for today?”
And each night, I can indeed remind myself that we are now one day closer to the end of the pandemic!
11. Focus on what I can control/influence
I have no true control over anyone except for me.
And the more time/energy I put into fretting about things and people outside of my control, the more miserable I feel.
I can control what I do.
I can control my own attitudes.
I can control how I react to things/situations/people outside of me.
But beyond that, it is a waste of energy to fixate on what other people are doing or on situations outside my control (such as…a pandemic. Or a vaccination schedule. Or a political situation, assuming I already voted.)
All the things in this list are within my locus of control, and when I focus on those things, I feel better!
____________
I feel like this list could be twice as long as it already is, but I’m nearing 1500 words as it is.
So, I’m going to stop here and open up the comments for reader input. Most of us are about 9 months into this pandemic, and we’ve all lived through plenty of winters before, so I know you all will have some good ideas to share.
Trish says
I couldn’t of said it better. Thank you for posting because I am positive there are plenty of folks needing to hear this and especially trying to control others. Wink! This control freak needed to read that. Have a blessed day!
Kristen says
It is such hard work to focus on controlling ourselves, isn’t it? So tough.
Melannie says
This was a great article! Even hearing what is working for someone else is very helpful to evaluate what is/isn’t working for me. Thank you!
KS says
Hi Kristen! Thanks so much for this post. I sent you a message on Instagram–but I guess true to your commitment to avoid spending too much time on there, I don’t know if you saw it.
Kristen says
I do get behind on messages there sometimes! But I just responded now.
I’m so glad the post was helpful to you.
Amy says
Thank you so much for this post!
Ruth T says
Focusing on how this is only a season has been huge for me.
And I saw ones person mention it – find ways to laugh! This spring I discovered a comedian that is totally my jam! So, so hilarious and even a mid-thirties parent of three like me. He posts every day or two, has a weekly podcast, and came out with a comedy special a couple of months ago. Looking forward to the laughter has been good for me as well as enjoying the funnies themselves.
Kayla says
Thank you for sharing this. It is very helpful to keep my attitude in the right mindset. ♥️♥️♥️
Sally says
Thank you for this post. It was exactly what I needed.
Suzan says
It is summer here and hot, hot, hot and humid. I find that I don’t get enough light. We stay indoors and close windows, curtains and crank up the aircon. SoI try to get out early and late in the day. I do believe excellent nutrition is necessary for everyone. The pandemic has been kept under control here and Australia will begin to vaccinate in about 7 weeks time.
For those of you who suffer from the winter blahs I wish you well.
Beth says
Thank you very much. I am in the midst of depression, and feel very forgotten. Thank you for being that friend. (I have three littles, no childcare, and am pregnant. But I don’t have hyperemesis!)
Patty says
Here is one of my favorite scriptures. “And it came to pass…” Because nothing ever comes to stay!
Kelly says
What a grace you are to the internet, Kristen. Thank you. This has been a hard day, and I so appreciate your words at the end of it.
mary says
This was a beautiful and timely post and I so appreciate the input of your readers. Thank you. I live in the wet and gray PNW and this is usually the hardest time of year for me as the weather is generally very rainy and cloudy and dark and the holidays are over.
Things that help me are staying as active as my health allows and trying to take advantage of “higher light” days when there is a break in the rain to take an outdoor walk. Unfortunately I had a surgery that I’m still healing from but I’m trying (in good moments) to focus on what I can do rather than what I can’t do physically. This is a work in progress
I’m adding as many “grace notes” to my life as possible. I’ve rediscovered candles and am enjoying adding these to my evenings. We also recently started using our fireplace for the cozy/calming effect. I recently became a convert from coffee to tea after being gifted some amazing Mariage Freres tea (unfortunately not frugal) and I fell in love with it. I’m drinking it out of my prettiest cups with seasonal decorations and adding honey and making sure it is just the right temp.
I am using the bad weather time of year to try to go through things indoors and purge and organize.
I enjoy making healthy soups using greens still growing in my garden.
I’m listening to classical music as my background in the house during the day. A few years back I turned off any news on the radio and it was one of the best decisions.
I don’t follow social media and I avoid the news as much as possible.
I do get a lot of joy from taking care of my cats.
This blog and community is very helpful and I look forward to new posts and input from the community.
Gretchen says
Kristen- You mentioned that you are not a mental help expert; but honestly, this is probably the best advice I have read about surviving/thriving during these Covid times. Thank you.
Rachel R. says
1. Drinking lots of water & tea…hydration is so key to feeling well.
2. Hugs–so, so important!
3. Counseling–in different seasons this has helped lift the burden.
4. Seeing friends & family when possible, texting them, writing them, etc.
5. Getting out of the house, and into nature.
6. Supporting local businesses.
7. Not buying into fear.
8. Talking/smiling to others–like mentioned, the loneliness/stress is real for all & stores/restaurants can be eerily quiet. Speaking to and acknowledging others matters.
9. Meals eaten in community
10. Worship in public, with singing
11. Chocolate & cheese & healthy green foods too:)
12. Cozy socks, candles, real plants, whatever brings comfort & care
karen says
As usual thank you for a timely helpful post.
The #1 thing I am doing is NOT watching the news. And I really mean it. I stopped months ago. Now I look at the TV and walk on by.
People give you the updates on what is going on.
I was the facilitator for my book group last night and thought, I am going to stick to the book. No wandering conversations about covid or politics. And it worked! I was prepared any time the conversation started to drift I brought it back.
Three ladies emailed me today about how much they enjoyed the meeting and I thought because we did not talk about stressful things.
Stephanie says
We have been kicked down tight in metro Detroit since March 10th. I am tired. I am COVIDtired.
Thank you for your post. My pets and daily outdoor walks have helped me during this time.
Stephanie says
I meant LOCKED DOWN TIGHT
Ruby says
Kicked down tight totally works too. It sure feels like it some days. (((hugs)))
Lindsey says
I am not especially bothered by the pandemic restrictions, since I am an introvert and have always disliked shopping, and my husband and I have worked together for over 20 years now so are used to being together pretty much 24/7. But the political situation has turned me into a wreck. My parents were refugees, survived Nazi camps and then displaced person camps. To see this country seemingly coming apart at the seams is nerve wracking. And then today’s storming of the capital building…Unlike most of your readers I am not coping well. I sleep A LOT, I am not being very mindful of nutrition. Reading history and biographies is pretty much the only thing that seems to distract me.
Heidi Louise says
Lindsey: I am so sorry you are feeling such distress.
Wishing you peace.
I am digging down deeply inside of myself to trust in the ultimate good of people.
Bee says
I too am extremely distressed about our political situation. Our country is so divided, It breaks my heart, and I feel helpless.
Heidi Louise says
Peace and comfort to you, Bee!
Kristen says
Much love to you, Lindsey. I can totally understand why today’s events were particularly upsetting to you.
Heidi Louise says
Scriptures say:
“And it came to pass….”
Not:
“And it came to stay….”
N says
I’m big on actionable things. So long as I can **DO** something, I can keep myself centered and shockingly Pollyanna. I spent last year dedicating my sudden free time (no professional events, prep time for the same, trips, etc.) to my “Someday” list of projects. Some were personal, others professional, still others a mix of the two, and I shocked myself by conquering them all by November. Several projects had sat waiting for literal years; having them finally DONE remains both amazing and not a little unbelievable. I’ve a new list for 2021–we’ll see how I do!
Related, I’m also working on giving myself more leisure time–I’m abysmal at sitting still.
The closest I’ve come to “hacking” myself in that regard is my morning hike. In addition to the exercise and getting out of the house, it’s one of the few times where I just let myself **be** and turn my whirring brain off for an hour or more. On the rare days I have to forego my hike, the difference is remarkable.
Linda Sand says
Increased support of charities that are helping people even more affected by this pandemic than I am. Money not spent on entertainment is easy to donate. And those stimulus checks are easy to donate as well since we hadn’t already budgeted that money.
Rachel says
This almost certainly isn’t for everyone, but one thing that’s been helping me is reading/learning more about difficult times in the past. Like, fall of civilizations difficult. Fall of Civilizations podcast is one, the book Lessons of History is another. It’s a helpful reminder that it’s actually the last 70 years or so of good times that are unprecedented in human history, and humans have survived similar times before.
vicki says
Thank you! This was so needed today. I live in the UK where the virus is out of control. We’re all back in a Total lockdown. It was hard enough last spring but doing it all again in the winter….. Well your tips are appreciated!
Jess says
What helps me: scheduled recurring video/phone calls. It’s hard to put in the effort to schedule things when I’m not doing well, but I’m always happier after my weekly call with my sister, and I’m more satisfied with my life when I have multiple people I feel close with and in regular contact with.
Victoria says
No 1 is being helpful for me. I can spend a lot of time in comparison or telling myself that I’m supposed to be handling things better, or supposed to be happier. Accepting that things are hard while not looking at things with pessimism is a work in progress.
I also love the suggestion to be creative that one of your readers made. That’s been helping me, even small projects. I have being getting acrylic nails for years as they’re important to me in self-esteem ways, so with multiple lockdowns in the UK I’ve been teaching myself to do them on myself, which is creativity and learning a new skill! Takes forever but they’re looking ok
Glenna says
Thanks for the insight, perspective is terribly important. I have been doing the following:
1) avoid all news and social media related to anxiety causing topics (I have unfollowed a lot in the last 9 months)
2) refocus. I am a goal oriented individual so setting some growth goals for myself that are doable has allowed me to focus energy there. I am doing a no spend January, pantry challenge, and using free online videos to learn to watercolor. I have contained these within the month to keep my focus. I always feel better when I am accomplishing something.
3) spend time (even virtual time) with people who lift my spirits and avoid politely those who don’t. We all have those individuals in our circle who can be draining. Keeping their contact to a minimum is imperative in difficult times for me.
4) eat dinner together. Our household is in the almost empty nester phase. Our youngest is in college and our 2nd youngest still lives here. Both are very busy with work and school but we take the time whenever possible to eat together. It’s a normal thing that reminds me that not everything is different.
Ruby says
As a professional-grade anxious person, I found it very helpful to type out the text of Philippians 4:6-8 and put it on my computer desktop. The reminder to not worry, to pray and to thank God for His answers, and to think on good things has been really comforting.
For the more mundane, I have found it hard to read fiction since the pandemic started. It’s either too silly or too awful or I get impatient with the characters. This from someone who used to read three novels a week! So now I read a lot of non-fiction, particularly memoirs, biographies and autobiographies, stuff about science, mountaineering and war reporting. I think I want a perspective from someone who’s been in an awful fix and survived it.
Tending to and playing with our rescue dogs (we have three) and doing a lot of household organizing have also been good. I love an organized home and find tidying and straightening up to be a balm to my spirits.
Doing for others helps too. Because three of the four adults in our house are high-risk in multiple ways, I can’t go volunteer, but I’m stretching our grocery budget to give to the food pantry run by the church down the avenue from our house. They have contactless donation bins set out every Saturday. Every little bit helps.
Kristen says
“professional grade anxious person”-that made me laugh! But I’m sorry about your struggle with anxiety.
Ruby says
I take medication for it and it is tons better than it used to be. I was born this way and it takes some work not to let it run my life even under ideal conditions, so the pandemic has been giving my coping skills a work out. These days I also find myself borrowing from Alcoholics Anonymous and accepting the things I cannot change, by reminding myself that “this is beyond my control.” It does help.
JD says
An old book I enjoyed reading was “Brave Men” by Ernie Pyle. If you can find it, it’s worth a read.
Ruby says
Thank you. I will look for that.
CrunchyCake says
Love the suggestions here from both you and your readers! Here’s what’s helping me:
1. Focusing on what I do have vs. what I don’t. I have time with my family, I have a safe and comfortable home, I am free of social obligations, I haven’t had a cold this year, I am eating more healthfully, my life has quieted down from the hustle and bustle of busy-ness.
2. Reminding myself that this is temporary. Also that this has been a lesson in flexibility and resiliency – if we can make it to the other side of this, we’ll all be stronger and better equipped to handle what comes our way.
3. Not having all the distractions of “usual” life has opened up the opportunity for me to do things that are valuable and interesting to me.
4. Movement – I started going for a daily walk again over the last few weeks. Just being outside and walking and getting the chance to be alone with my podcasts have brightened my mood and it helps me feel more balanced.
5. Being productive – I want to lie around under a blanket all day. But the reality is that it makes me feel worse. I read this quote that is so true – action is the antidote to anxiety.
CrunchyCake says
Also, I don’t watch the news and I’m not on facebook, twitter, or Instagram. I know – weird. But I think I’m better off and I don’t feel like I’m missing out.
Jenny Young says
Three things that have helped me….
-completely stop watching/reading the news or any social media posts talking gloom. I just scroll past….or try to. I’m doing all I can to be safe & I’m sure someone in my life will let me know when I can pull my head out of my comfy hole.
-snail mail. I’ve always written cards & letters but I’ve ramped it up this year & I’m actually receiving many cards & letters as a result. It has so encouraged me, helped me to feel less isolated, helped me to see others’ perspectives, ect.
-read more history. Instead of reading about the current chaos, I’ve been reading alot about past turmoil & how people lived through them. We really are dealing with nothing compared to people in the past. We call this the worst pandemic in history because we have not read history. Just one small thought: During the 1918 Influenza epidemic most people could not call an ambulance or take their loved one to the hospital….families had no choice but to take care of their loved ones at home, not being able to relieve their suffering much at all & often watch them die. When whole families fell ill neighbors jumped in to care for them…how many of our neighbors would do that?
So when I feel overwhelmed by political turmoil (read some American political history..geesh!), the pandemic (read about the plagues of Europe or other pandemics), isolation ( read about cities/countries who lived through wars in their own towns…or just pioneers or immigrants who left home never to see their families again.) It sounds counterintuitive & we shouldn’t just read these things constantly but it does put our present circumstances into a better perspective.
Kris says
We watched Wartime Farm on YouTube early on in the pandemic (WWII from the British farmer’s perspective) and it was interesting and helped put into perspective that there have been hard times throughout history.
Kris says
Typing this again …. someday I will gain control of my fingers which want to hit the wrong keys, haha!
Kristen’s list has hit all the big points. Something she alluded to is the idea of placing boundaries around people/activities that suck your energy (like what she does with her IG account). That has been a biggie for me over the years. I really enjoy being helpful but find that I can get sucked into taking on more than is healthy for me so I have to be ever-mindful of that.
The pandemic has forced me to let go of my need for control. Well, not totally, but I’m doing better on that front. My mom is under hospice care in her assisted living facility but family is not allowed direct access until she is “actively dying”. Sunday night I got a call to come in immediately as they thought she might not have much longer to live. By Monday morning she was awake and alert so I contacted my siblings and told them to get in to see her while she was coherent (we had all gone to our homes to catch a few hours of sleep in the wee hours of the morning) and before the facility kicked us out as she was not at the end stages of her life. It ended up being a gift of a day spent with her (the facility allowed us to be there all day but we can no longer go into the facility), laughing, reminiscing, holding her hand, hugging her. So, oddly, it was a fantastic day. My other life lesson during this time is to appreciate the unexpected blessings–we never expected Monday to be like it was but were ready and willing to take advantage of it when it happened.
On a completely different note …. do something that makes you laugh. Watch funny videos on Youtube, play a game with your family that doesn’t require lots of strategic thinking; if the weather allows, get outside and go sledding or build a snowman …. let go of the seriousness of life for a few hours. The world won’t miss your obsessive worry and either will you.
Victoria says
You’ve been living what Kristen wrote about in how you approached the news of your mum. I wanted to say that I was proud of you, in a hopefully non-creepy way! It just felt like the right way to put it.
Kris says
Not creepy at all and I appreciate the support. There are so many friends-I’ve-never-seen-in-person out there and the ongoing encouragement is amazing.
Kristen says
Oh, I am so happy that you got to spend a day with your mom. What a lovely mercy in the midst of something so hard. Much love to you and your siblings.
Battra92 says
Nothing really.
Battra92 says
Whoops, meant to expand on that and Enter submitted for me.
So far, these are things that have made life a little more okay.
1.) Purged some “friends” from Facebook. They were people I knew from college and they did nothing but lecture me online. They never came to things I invited me to and basically they are still living like children. Good riddance.
2.) Trying to get to socialize a bit more at work with the others who are still in the office. Human communication is great.
3.) Going to church in person when I can. I still feel it was evil to close or restrict the churches and I hope the elected officials repent of their evil ways.
4.) Knowing that I can control some things like no one can tell me what to do in my own house.
5.) Taking my medication on time, ya know when the worthless post office delivers it.
Mar says
Here in Michigan where the sun is gone for months it does tend to get depressing. Equally depressing is we were to spend a month in GA with our son and his fiancee. They see the sun. I miss my kids.
We play Houseparty with our kids who are in different states. It fun to play and everyone can see each other. Phone app.
I started the 20 day challenge for Ten Percent Happier app (trial is free). Clearing my mind has helped. This is self help and meditation.
I joined my insurance company’s webinars for Well Being & Weight Loss (also free). BCBSM offers them.
I belong to several closed Facebook groups that are in my area of health related and health pet related who treat each other well and offer support.
JD says
This post makes me feel better!
I agree with this post and the comments. Winter is hard on many, and top that with long months of pandemic, with end-dates that seem to keep getting pushed ahead, and no wonder we feel tired and anxious.
I am limiting Facebook as well, but my hometown’s history page on FB had a couple of news articles describing the year 1918 in my hometown, when the deadly flu pandemic was joined with one of the worst winters ever – much colder and more snow than is normal for that area. And those people didn’t have internet to reach out to each other, either. Interesting side note – the article mentioned that people wore homemade cloth masks “which were useless.”
Counting my blessings helps me. It sounds trite, but even in the bad times, we all still have blessings, many of which we are so used to that we overlook them.
Get enough sleep, but don’t allow the blues to let you sleep too much. Get up in the morning with an alarm clock if you tend to oversleep. I’m not talking about clinical depression, here, just the temporary stress/blues/anxiety many have right now.
Deliberately look for beauty anywhere and everywhere. I even like to see my clothes hanging in color order. It’s a small thing, but I like it.
Straighten up and clean. A dirty or disheveled house bugs me terribly.
Change your routine, or conversely, get back in your routine if you’ve let a helpful routine slide.
Thank you for deciding to post this. I look forward to what ideas others have as well.
Jennifer says
Dh had a sudden, like in less than 30 minutes, flash pulmonary edema develop one Friday night in June. We live in a small NC mountain town and are over an hour to any hospital with a heart unit. He was intubated in our local hospital and transferred the next day to a hospital 90 miles away. Twelve days later, he underwent what we thought was a quadruple bypass. It ended up being a septuple, yes six, bypass surgery. He had a stroke 3 years ago, so add partial paralysis to that equation.
I figured that if God let us make it through this, COVID wasn’t going to take us out. Now, the Pollyanna in me has had her faith tested, but good things have come from this – you just have to find them.
We HAVE to stay distanced, so we don’t go out much. We are not spending as much money.
We both spend too much time on IG, but have tailored our feeds to ONLY include things that being us joy. I bet our feeds are 90% animals of all kinds – nothing political, medical or economic related.
Like you said, this will pass and life will be back to a new normal soon. I am forever telling dh that God has got this and I am not going to borrow trouble about it.
Bobi says
This is a great list! I would add–Be Creative!
Even if you’re not creative. Do you need something and have no money? Brainstorm or research a creative way of solving your problem. Are you bored? Creating something is very therapeutic. From trying a new recipe to a simple craft like paper folding (everyone has some paper and it’s not just origami anymore!), creativity can help you blossom and seeing/holding/eating something you made yourself can be so rewarding.
Margery says
For me, when I’m feeling down or overwhelmed, if I do something productive, I feel a lot better. I guess us task-oriented people focus on these types of things. If I can clean a cluttered space, get a niggling task done, finish a bit of work, complete an outstanding project, or whatever, I feel some sense of control and accomplishment.
Also, I agree heartily with “get outside.” Preferably in the middle of the day when the sun is shining, even if it’s only for a 150-minute walk.
Kristen says
I’m guessing you meant a 15-minute walk. Because a 150 minute walk would be pretty impressive!
Ann says
I normally don’t suggest buying something, but my Verilux HappyLight has been a game changer for me. The price varies but it has been well worth the $36 I paid for the improvement in my mood and well being. I use it daily.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07TD96K5T/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I also think going outdoors is hugely helpful.
One more thing I would recommend is planning something to look forward to. Research shows that planning and pre-thinking makes the thing more satisfying and enjoyable. For example, if you plan on Monday that on Friday evening you will get take out sandwiches, watch a movie and make caramel popcorn, you will have the enjoyment of several days of looking forward to that, thinking about what kind of sandwich you will order, imagining what movie you want to watch, thinking about how nice it will feel to get under your favorite blanket to watch, etc. You will experience more pleasure from it, compared to just deciding on Friday to get subs and watch the movie.
Glenna says
I really like the idea of a small reward or something to look forward too! I agree that is a pleasant experience.
Kristina says
Many of us can’t see loved ones due to the pandemic, and this is really getting to me. For me, focusing on connections I can make rather than the ones I’m missing is helping me a lot. I can’t travel to visit loved ones, but I can make a phone call and even see family with modern technology through video calls.
I’m also not as down on social media as many here. I keep it light, but use it to make meaningful comments with people, and really try to connect instead of falling into the trap of comparisons. I have friends and family I haven’t seen for years as I live in a different country from most of them and several states away, but through social media I can keep up and feel connected.
Exercise is my big one, and definitely doing it outdoors with running and walking. I would have gone insane without it.
With my family, we play board games.
Last, I listen to music, read, and watch movies. My personal goal is to make more art, as it really expands your world when you are creating something new.
Bee says
This is a lovely and helpful post. I do many of the things that you have suggested. I am a positive person by nature, but I have been having difficulty remaining that way over the last few months. I think two things have kept me sane.
The first is the adoption of my rescue pup. I know this is not for everyone. However, since my pup needs so much exercise, she gets me outdoors and moving. When out, I often run into my neighbors and we visit at a safe distance. This social interaction is a blessing. She is also a lot of company. Owning a dog or a cat can be good for us.
Secondly, I have tried to limit my consumption of both the news and social media. (This is difficult, because I’m married to a news junky who now works from home. The news is on 12 hours a day.) There is just so much negativity communicated through these outlets. The only message that seems to be delivered is we all hate each other. This weighs heavy upon my heart.
K D says
Thank you for this post. The past few weeks have been much harder for me, with the colder, darker days and all the other things going on (and not going on) in the country/world.
I have been trying to focus on keeping busy, getting things done around the house, and reaching out to others. I continue to be physically active, including getting outside for a walk every day. I make sure to eat healthy food but have been eating more comfort food lately as well. If that is what it takes that is what it takes.
We have been working to get things we don’t need out of the house. I have done several Freecycle listings one day a week. It feels good to re-home items.
I need to switch to reading lighter fare. I am almost finished with The Secret Lives of Groceries and it is not only informative but depressing. I will switch to non-fiction going forward.
Kristen says
Ooh, I have that book on hold at the library. There were oodles of people in front of me, though, so I’ve been waiting for a while. And I am still probably not close to getting it!
Angie says
I live in Georgia so thankfully I don’t have the dark winter in front of me. There will be gray days but I find that even a short string of cloudy days results in a very foul mood for me. All that to say I understand the winter blues from my limited view.
I can’t say that I have been in a wonderful mood or had a cheery outlook since March…each day has its own struggles. For me I have found that the most anxiety, depression and frustration is brought on by the news and social media. I have stopped watching and engaging in both. I don’t Facebook and I don’t watch the news. Many will read this and think ‘how can you keep up with going on around you?’ Quite simply I can’t. But I recognize that my own sanity is more valuable than knowing what cnn reported last night. I have a family
That is counting on me to be there for them be a mom, be a wife and that is the highest calling in my life. I try to eat well and take care of myself as best I can. Three phrases nourish my soul:
This too shall pass.
God is still on the throne.
There is nothing that surprises God.
Hang in there friends!!!
Rachel R. says
love this!
Jody S. says
Reading is a lovely escape, a break from reality. I don’t mean reading online or even reading an electronic book. Sit in your cozy spot with a cup of Earl Grey and your fluffiest blanket and crack open an old-fashioned book. Fiction (or at least not-too-stressful nonfiction). It can be a re-read of a childhood favorite. Whatever takes you to a less-stressed place.
These past two weeks have been extremely stressful for me–hospitalizations and death of loved ones, homeschool portfolio review time, and trying to get our house shifted about so my father can move in with us next week. . . and getting him packed and trying to give our children a normal Christmas. My sister gave me essentially the same advice as #10; she told me that I can only do one thing at a time, one step at a time. So I’m trying to focus on that.
It also helps that I can look back at the last couple of days and say to myself, “Okay. I’ve ticked this, this, and this off my list. That’s progress. What’s the only thing I need to worry about today?” And then I try to banish all those other thoughts and try to tackle only that one task (or maybe two smaller ones) for the day.
kristin @ going country says
Avoiding the news and cookies (or bread, pasta, ice cream . . .) both have a beneficial effect on my mental outlook.
kristin @ going country says
P.S. I did respond to your e-mail. I think last time we did this, some of my e-mails were going to your spam, so I thought I’d better give you a heads up.
Kristen says
I got it!
Maggie says
This is such a timely post. I got so terribly annoyed with the cold and awful weather recently and know we have months of it ahead of it.
Sometimes it helps me to remember the people who have a far harder time than me. Refugees who do not even have a roof over their head and are forgotten in their camps. Those who have lost their loved ones to CoVid to are fearing for the life of their loved ones right now. Those who worry about losing their jobs. Those with very small children at home who have to work at the same time. Or the medical staff who has to emotionally deal with having people in their care die all the time – how hard it must be to do your job when it feels so pointless.
Compared to all these, I only have annoying weather to deal with.
Faith says
Yes to all these!
12. Start a project. Paint a room. Sew a quilt. Learn a new hobby. Read a great book. Learn a new board game. I find finishing things or learning things instead of mindlessly scrolling social media or watching TV improves my mood.
13. Don’t be afraid of being still and doing nothing. I’m reading a book that talks about how we are becoming so used to filling every free moment with our phones (and we call that downtime and is not restful) and we are losing the ability to just sit and enjoy a meal together or a sunset alone or a walk without our phones (which is actually downtime and restful).