Stop saying things are easy when they're not!
In our current headline-driven, Pinterest-y culture, I see many promises of "easy".
- Five Easy Ways to Meal Prep
- Easy Workout Plans for Busy Moms
- Easy DIY Furniture Plans
- Budgeting Made Easy
I understand the intent behind these headlines, but I think they end up doing people a disservice.
If these things were truly easy, why would we even need posts about them? Wouldn't we already be doing all these "easy" things?
And if we tell people that something is easy, then when they try it and discover it's not easy, they're going to be discouraged.
I think it's much more fair to set people's expectations realistically.
I know no one would advise a headline like this, but I'd kind of like to see an article titled,
Cooking Dinner Every Night Is Really, Really Hard And You Will Feel Like Giving Up Pretty Much Every Week But This Article Has Some Tips To Help You Carry On
or
There Is No Easy Way To Workout So Here Are Some Sweat-Inducing Moves That Will Make You Miserable But Also Healthier
or
Budgeting is Way More Time-Consuming Than Just Spending Mindlessly: A Guide To Doing What Is Hard, Which is Why Most People Aren't Doing It Already
I feel like this level of honesty would be refreshing.
A related story that has nothing to do with frugality:
When I was pregnant with Joshua, a friend who already had a baby said, "Breastfeeding is really hard at first. You'll feel like quitting because of the pain, but it will get better if you can hang in there."
She was not wrong on any counts.
And I was glad she told me that, because then when I experienced the pain inherent with first-time breastfeeding, I didn't think, "NOOO SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG AND I SHOULD QUIT."
I knew that it was going to hurt, but that if I kept at it, things would improve.
It did hurt, I hung in there, and things got way better.
But what if someone had told me, "Oh, breastfeeding is super easy! You'll love it from the start, and it definitely won't hurt."
I'd certainly have been tempted to panic and/or quit when things got hard and painful.
Valuable, important things are often hard.
And conversely, things that are unimportant and meaningless are usually easy.
So, a life spent in pursuit of valuable things is going to be challenging. There is nothing wrong with you if you try to do something important and valuable and you find it to be hard.
In fact, it's probably a sign that you are indeed doing something valuable.
And despite what the headlines make you think, you are not alone in finding things hard.
We are all out here in an uphill battle together, trying to
- cook at home
- live within our means
- leave a smaller environmental footprint
- get out of debt
- insert any number of other valuable pursuits
Hard things can get a little easier
I'm not here to tell you that budgeting, cooking, DIY-ing, or any number of other frugal pursuits are easy.
But I can tell you this: often, hard things do get a little easier over time.
When you get better at cooking, it's not as challenging.
When you get into a budgeting routine, budgeting does get easier.
When you practice repurposing leftovers, your newly gained skills make it easier.
SO.
The tl; dr (Too Long, Didn't Read) summary of this post is:
- Important, valuable things in life are usually hard.
- Avoid discouragement/giving up by setting your expectations at a realistic level.
- Do not believe all those "easy" headlines. Other people find this stuff hard too.
- The hard things WILL get a little easier over time, so hang in there.
Umm, yeah, this post resonates with me. I really, really hate it when people don't acknowledge the hard of trying to do a good thing. Breastfeeding was a great example that you gave; I always give people the same advice as your friend gave you. It's realistic, and I think that it's more helpful all around. About trying to be more frugal, cook at home more, etc... I agree that it's the same thing. Plus, when I am finally (mostly) successful in these hard things, I feel so accomplished and so good about myself!
THIS! ALL OF THIS! I feel an urge to go retitle every article title on Pinterest with your truth statements. I needed to hear (read) this. I appreciated the truth that if it is something of value, it will be hard. I love to reach for the easy, low-hanging fruits to feel "accomplished." But I need to learn that reaching for the hard and getting it wrong is not bad - those are things to pursue with gusto (and grace). Thank you for sharing this today.
Thank You!! I wish I could get my teenager to read this but I really needed to hear this today.
Print it off & stick it to the mirror in the bathroom & write on it at the top 'note to self' - your kids will read it & won't know you put it there for them 🙂
Brilliant idea!
I take every time estimate on meals and double it and hope that’s still enough time! Sometimes I think they start their timer when everything is on the counter, chopped, measured and ready to go. Always takes me longer!
Oh yes, that is so true! At least, for the first time you make a recipe. You get faster the more times you repeat a recipe, but I usually figure double for the first try.
I do that, too! Especially with new recipes. I have a food blogger I follow, but I agree with Kristin--I think she must have a sous chef in the background doing all the putzy work. The time estimate she gives for recipes is unreasonably short, IMO. Also, I tend to be doing laundry/cleaning the kitchen as I go/helping out with homework, etc., while I am cooking, so, yeah, I always tack on extra time when I'm estimating my food prep schedule.
I agree although I am particularly slow at new recipes & chopping it takes me 2 hours to complete some recipes
Long time reader, first time commenter.
This is a really great post and raised some really really good points. There's too much of a 'you just need this one trick' or 'you just need this one item' to make life easy. That being said - my instant pot really is cutting down on food prep time so not all ideas are useless.
I think this attitude contributes to why some of much of household work (by which I mean the work of running a household) is undervalued both societally and financially.
For sure...some ideas are definitely useful. I try to post, "This is a hard thing, but here's a way to make it a little less hard." kind of stuff whenever I can. Instant Pots making people's dinner prep easier and faster is great!
But I think on the whole, we could all use a little more truth about how hard we should expect things to be. More of a, "This is going to be hard, so here's how you can carry on when you feel like quitting." message would be great.
To be honest, though, everyone knows that working out/budgeting/dieting etc is hard. The job of the journalist is to get someone to read the article, not to state the obvious. And of course things come much easier to some people than others. I'm a natural spender so keeping to a budget is much harder for me than it is for someone like you, naturally frugal.
I think people kind of know that in the abstract, or they know that it's hard for them personally.
But sometimes I think it's easy for us to think that, say, getting dinner on the table is a breeze for everyone else. Or that getting dinner on the table is a breeze if you just have the right recipes/equipment/tips, etc.
The hard truth is that consistently producing dinner, day in and day out, IS a slog, and there's no way around that other than not cooking! There are ways to make it easier and quicker and less challenging. But regardless of how many good ideas and tips we read, we should not be surprised that cooking feels like a slog at least some of the time.
I think this is true in the exercise/dieting world as well; we know it's hard for us, personally, to stick with healthful habits. But we can also easily hold onto the idea that people who just have the right eating plan or the right workout routine do suddenly find things easy, and then we try to chase down that plan or routine so we can find it easy too!
I know lots of people who just love cooking dinner every night. Of course, part of the issue is that they're only cooking for themselves. Cooking dinner loses its charm fast when you've got to please multiple people, many of whom are in small form, heh.
Have you ever read Peg Bracken's I Hate to Cook Book? While the recipes are mostly kinda dated (from the early 60s), I think Peg is a scream. Her recipe instructions include things like "Now, avert your eyes and stir the carrot shreds into the jello" and "Light a cigarette and stare at the sink," etc.
And one chapter starts like this: "Never doubt it, there's a long, long trail a-winding when you hate to cook. And never compute the number of meals you have to cook and set before the shining little faces of your loved ones in the course of a lifetime. This only staggers the imagination and raises the blood pressure. The way to face the future is to take it as Alcoholics Anonymous does: one day at a time. "
https://www.bonappetit.com/story/i-hate-to-cook-book
Oh yes, one day at a time is the only way to do it. Or one week at a time, if you are a planner like I am.
I have to think the same way about exercising. If I think about trying to keep this up for years and years, I feel discouraged. But if I just focus on doing three workouts this week, I can handle that.
I absolutely love this post! Completely agree, and as an aside, I feel like in this very social media/internet perfect world we tend to think that everyone else's life is better-easier-perfect when in fact everyone struggles. I respect the women like you who show life as it is, real, and very seldom perfect. We are all just trying to do the best we can and often we are all at hot mess, regardless of what it looks like on our Instagram of Facebook lives, and I think that illusion of perfect does many a disservice.
Many things in life, important or mundane, are hard. Thanks for bringing some truth today, and of course for your constant encouragement and ways to make some of the harder things easier!
"Advanced math equations will get easier." Nope! Not for a crafty-type homemaker like me.
It does come back to haunt me when trying to figure ingredient amounts when increasing a recipe. Calculators come in real handy... The ornament looks like a good craft to do with grands.
Ha, I'm not a math person either, but after homeschooling four kids, I do think math has gotten easier for me. But I still wouldn't say it's easy!
I couldn’t agree more! Thank you for such a refreshing post! We welcomed our third daughter in 2018 and many 3+ kid families told us it’d be such an easy transition. Boy did they stretch the truth! We are truly blessed, but adding another child is never “easy” (in my opinion). Now that we’re expecting #4, I feel like we have a much more realistic expectation and approach. We are very excited, but know it will come with challenges as well. We gratefully welcome it all!
"Adding a kid" and "easy" should never really go together, in my opinion! Even the easiest babies are not exactly easy. 😉
I think how things go when adding a baby vary so greatly, no one can ever predict how "easy" or "hard" it'll be. My hardest transition by far was from 0 kids to 1 kid, but that's partly because Joshua was a really high need baby (plus I had no idea what I was doing!). But my brother and his wife had an amazingly chill baby their first time, followed by a very high need baby.
I do think that having more experience under your belt helps a lot, though, and you've got lots of experience on your side for when #4 arrives. 🙂
I couldn’t agree more! Our first was so chill it really did us zero favors when #2 arrived! All of them have been so different, I think we both feel more comfortable knowing we’ve had a colorful experience in parenting so far!
Joshua's babyhood was full of dark days for me, but I've often been grateful he was my first, not Lisey. Because if Lisey had come first, Joshua's babyhood would have been even harder for me! As it was, I figured that the way he was was just how babies were, and then I was pleasantly surprised by Lisey.
By your point in life, though, you are already prepared for whatever comes your way!
Thank you for the encouraging words! They mean a lot!
I second what you said! We had three kids for 6 1/2 years before we had our fourth, and somebody told me that the fourth kid is always really easy and goes with the flow. That was not my experience--my fourth has a firecracker personality and is also intensely extraverted, so she wanted to be with me every second of the day--and still does, 7 years later. She has not gotten any easier, but I've definitely gotten better at living with a strong personality, and I can "amen" the notion that some of the hardest things are the best!! I wouldn't trade her for the world.
YES! We need to acknowledge hard things instead of hiding them under the word 'easy'. It's ok for things to be hard, and I feel like when we try to make them sound easy, we undermine our accomplishments. Like, oh running 10 miles this way is supposed to be easy, but it felt kinda hard to me so....I must not have done a good job with it. Or, this is an easy supper....but it took me 30 min to chop and 30 min to cook, didn't feel easy, I must be inadequate. 'Less hard' and 'easier' are definitely preferable words.
Yes Yes! I always felt inadequate after running because I thought it was supposed to get easier the more you did it, and it never got easier! I had a much better time of it when I just expected that it was going to be difficult for me.
Sometimes things never get easier. Take working out, for instance. Sure. Your body gets conditioned to the workout, so that initial workout becomes easier. Then you increase your intensity, or try something different. You push yourself. It may suck all the time! But what's motivating there is that you can see the progress. And you (sometimes) can see physical changes that drive you to do more.
Or with cooking. Sure. Certain recipes will become way easier to make over time! But then you might try and branch out to something new and different that you've never made before. Which could still suck (or taste terrible at first!). But again, it's motivating that you'd be trying harder, tastier, and potentially healthier items.
Stuff may always suck. I seem to recall someone very wise saying, "You don't have to like it. You just have to do it." And sometimes that goes for budgeting, cooking, working out, etc. So many ways to wrap this all into one! I loved this post. And absolutely needed to hear it as I'm 1 week out from welcoming a new human into the world. Terrified of labor. Of breastfeeding. Of caring for another human. Of the incredibly long hours and 12 weeks off work to dedicate myself to my new son. It's going to be hard at first. But what can be more motivating or rewarding? <3
It's gonna be hard, but you will make it through. <3 You've made it through almost nine of months of pregnancy, after all. Best of luck to you, and congratulations on your soon-to-arrive little person!
This makes me think of the close cousin to saying things are easy when they are not--when people will tell you how much you will love an experience. Reese, I did NOT love the early days of new parenthood. Breast-feeding was hard and sleep was non-existent. I sometimes had thoughts of "what did I just get into???" running through my brain. I like to tell new moms that it's okay when you feel exhausted, inadequate, and secretly wish you could send your baby to some parents who are much better equipped than you are. I had a friend who had a super easy baby #1 and she gave well-meaning advice to me which just made me feel worse about myself. Then along came baby #2 (and later, baby #3) and those babies weren't so easy (and their family moved and they didn't have grandma close by to help out) and the playing field felt more level to me. All to say .... you got this, girl! The ride may be bumpy, but the destination is wonderful.
I get annoyed when someone tells me I'm going to love something (a movie, a book, a song, a restaurant). That sets up expectations and it pretty much guarantees that I probably won't. I'd rather someone tell me they loved it--and let me decide for myself.
Me too! Especially if it comes from someone whose taste in books/movies is different from mine. I call this a "smile and nod" moment. 🙂 I listen to what they have to say and then make up my mind on my own whether or not to follow through with it.
I read everything with a grain of salt. I'm smart enough to know that life isn't easy and all the pieces that create my life won't be either. So, I mainly read the article for enjoyment and the other person's view on how easy it is to do XYZ. I don't really get ruffled feathers over it.
I agree, I hate those clickbait articles and will usually avoid them. I prefer when the writer is honest and says their tips and tricks may save you time or trouble once you learn and practice them. The one I could never master was how to fold a fitted sheet. My husband and I figured out a way to do it that is good enough to fit where we store them, but my folded sheets will never be on the cover of Better Homes and Linen Closets.
My other peeve are posts about recipes that include a whole lot of useless commentary and photos that you have to scroll through to get to the actual recipe. For those of us who are super busy, please just cut to the chase and put link to the recipe up top! (This comment is not meant for your posts Kristen, yours are reasonable and your commentary is helpful.)
Solidarity with your second paragraph! Some writers are relevant and interesting (Kristen, Smitten Kitchen, usually NYT and Food52) and the rest should just post the recipe and let us make the food already. Ha.
I agree about the recipe posts. If the text preceeding the recipe is relevant (FAQs, equipment recommendations, warnings against common mistakes, etc.), I think that's helpful.
But a story about how the person first ate this dish...I don't care. I just want to make dinner!
YES! I don't care how beautiful the 35 photos of your finished dish are, I only need one good one to get an idea of what it looks like!
It's funny you mentioned fitted sheets. I've been married and doing laundry for nearly 40 years and finally learned how to fold lovely fitted sheets in the last couple of months. Before then I was like you, it got done, but my linen closet wasn't a thing of beauty.
I agree about recipes. Put the recipe first and then the commentary. That way I can decide whether I want to read the comments or not. Or at least keep the comments pithy as Kristen does.
5 minutes to the perfect body...I mean really!
What?! I did those 5 minutes last week and currently have a perfect body! J/k
If it took five minutes, there would be a LOT more perfect bodies in our world. Ha.
First, define "perfect."
I am reminded of a ... 1990s? ... Wonder Woman comic in which Diana first encounters makeup and such. Her reaction is to wonder why all these women are covering up their beauty.
Five minutes of liposuction, maybe. lol
I love he ones that say ' eat this to melt away belly fat' hahahaha, Today I saw a vibrating step to stand on to 'melt away flab' - it works - I didn't even have to buy it I just kept laughing all the way up the aisle & my stomach muscles hurt!
As a society, we've come to expect the hyperbole in everything from the political process to the food on the table. Hyperbole isn't life. And thank goodness for that. Too much burden of expectation.
You are so right, Karen! All those click-bait headlines. Everything is "jaw-dropping."
What a great post (and so timely too as the holidays approach and these types of "Easy" posts only proliferate, and our lives only get busier and busier!). Thank you!
I really like this because I'm firmly convinced that many financial advisors hit it big by luck (e.g. the house they inherited skyrocketed in value and were able to keep their job by telecommuting, sell and buy in a lower COL area or some other such story.) This is like how most personal trainers were the jocks in school and never had issues with food or working out. To them it's easy. To most people, life is really difficult.
You're right in that most financial money savers are difficult. I really hate cooking dinner every single night of the week (except for maybe Wednesday when my wife is home) but I do it because takeout is expensive and unhealthy. I'd rather just hire someone instead of having to DIY everything but I don't. Heck, I'd love to rip and replace my whole kitchen but instead I live with it because it's not a need etc.
Your post also reminded me of something else. Due to some medical stuff we bottle fed our daughter. The sheer amount of condescension and dismissal of any of the issues my wife had by everyone around her (mostly in the medical profession I'm afraid) was insane! Everyone kept telling her it was easy and that she wasn't trying hard enough and that she needed to "deal with it." Yeah, well biology and life aren't like that. My kid was fed and guess what? She's hit every milestone (learning to read now at 4 and everything) and is all around a great kid.
Kudos to keeping your daughter fed! The judgement around breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding makes me crazy. Fed is best!
Ugh, yes. This is such a hot topic among parents of young children, and it feels like such a huge thing when you are in the baby/toddler stage. But once you get past that stage, it suddenly seems to matter less.
I mean, which parents of high schoolers are ever discussing how their babies used to be fed? We have other problems to worry about!
Bunch of stupid idiots, they are. The phrase I like most is "A good bottle experience beats a bad breast experience."
More importantly, though: how is she FOUR?!?
Such an encouragement to read this today. A lot of things in life are hard but worth it or hard but a bit easier ofter practice and habit building. Lately I've seen this kind of thing with saving money to retire in your 30s. There is nothing easy about retiring in your 30s!
There's a twist to this headline that bothers me even more: "If I can do XYZ, there's no excuse for you" or "What's your excuse?" I saw that a lot, especially in regards to fitness, shortly after the birth of my youngest child, and it was so discouraging. I'm already susceptible to comparison, and then to see that someone else had it all together and looked perfect made me feel like a failure for just being able to go for walks.
Now, I'm training for a half marathon. I have 3 kids ages 3-5, and I'm still running slower than my friend (running the same race as me) who's 6 months postpartum from her 3rd baby, the oldest of whom is 3. She's been super supportive of me and my fitness, even though she's so much faster and fitter than I am right now. She never has challenged me saying, "I have three kids younger than your youngest kid, and I'm finding the time to do the training, why aren't you getting every single run in?" Instead, she empathizes with the tough days and celebrates with the great days. It's hard for both of us, for different reasons, but in both of us recognizing that, we can spur each other forward constructively and effectively. Saying something is simply a breeze or that it's so easy to have your act together is discouraging, and ultimately doesn't help most people achieve their goals.
I have to laugh at myself because everyone goes on about The Instant Pot making cooking so much easier but I don't think I would find learning how to use it easy so I'll keep using my crockpot.☺️ I live in a tourist town and work from May till end of October full time plus hours. Making meals from scratch definitely falls apart when I've been up since 4am and don't get home till 4pm. Lots of sandwiches and frozen pizzas are what's easy!! Excellent post Kristen and soooo very true.
My problem is that I don't have space for an Instant Pot! I already have appliances stored in various places in my house and I really don't know where I'd put an Instant Pot.
Me too! Another thing to laugh at is that I was using my crock pot incorrectly and sealing the lid which turned it into a pressure cooker anyway. I was amazed at how fast everything cooked until my daughter told me I wasn't supposed to lock the snaps.
This post is made my Monday!! Thanks for the truth; it's wise (and funny), a great combination! As always, your blog is so worth my time and such an encouragement to keep doing the "hard things".
Hard is caring for a beloved aging Mom, with dementia and a serious stubborn streak.
The care agencies show pictures of easy. Call us and it will be easy, look at this well dressed peaceful daughter and this well dressed peaceful appreciative Mom beaming at each other after finding the right care situation. The reality … not so much. When a persons mind is not working, peaceful is not the emotion.
Cathy, been there several times with different people. Believe me it is not easy for the relatives with dementia and it is certainly not easy for the care agency/facility either. It takes a special kind of person to dedicate his/her life to working with dementia patients every day. There isn't much personal reward for either side other than just knowing you are keeping the person safe and cared for. The pictures don't convey easy but cared for and about and giving the relatives time to take care of themselves. I doubt they claim taking care of "Mom" is easy. In fact, they will go in to detail to tell you how difficult it is and why it costs so much and why the cost will continue to increase. Been there so I empathize with the path you're on - it is difficult.
Cathy--
Hang in there. My dad had dementia (and also was stubborn--maybe it's a risk factor for developing dementia .... ) and there is nothing easy about it. In the early stages, my dad knew he was declining and told me that it was really hard to have this "dementia thing". Definitely a painful conversation to have but I was glad he felt he could trust me and be vulnerable. At the later stages when he was in a memory care unit, I remember feeling like my feet had 10 pound weights on them when I would go to visit him. I did NOT want to walk through that doorway. You are doing a good and brave thing by caring for your mom. Try to find some sort of support network (in person is best but there are online ones as well) so you don't feel so isolated in this very difficult time.
Thank you both
Parenting newborn twins! I have a friend whose twins were born 5 months before mine and she said, "oh it's really easy" so when it wasn't for me, I thought something was radically wrong with me/ us/ our parenting. Interestingly, I don't trust what she says now because there is no way parenting newborn twins is easy!
I seriously am amazed that she thought having twins was easy. I bet she's by far the exception!
You asked what the worst "easy" claims are. How about " Easy way to lose 13 pounds of fat in 3 days (or 3 hours or something else equally preposterous)"?
Yes. Amen. Any other affirmative phrase you'd like to add here.
Easy is a matter of opinion, and it depends on the abilities and resources one has, plus, time. I agree with using instead, "Less hard," "Easier" and "Worth Doing." I love this post!
Thank you for this post. I have thought this so many times. Believing people that are constantly telling you things (everything) is easy makes one think that you're not capable of doing anything when you try and fail. A little honesty would be refreshing!!
I have a sort of related gripe, and that is how some things are characterized as being really hard. I speak here of people who, for example, say that marriage takes a lot of hard work, or that parenting is the hardest job in the world. Both are extremes---saying things are easy when they are not or hard when they are not. Why not say that some people find certain things (like budgeting) easy while others find it very difficult? Why not say that some people find marriage or parenting really hard but others do not? It is like we have to make everything extreme when really there is the old bell curve (or a continuum) and where you find yourself does not mean everyone does. Extremes make it easy to shame or discount the experiences of others. And it also makes things suspect. For example, that parenting is the hardest job in the world. Really? Harder than having to work in a mica mine for pennies in order to survive? Harder than working in a chicken gutting factory 40 or 50 hours a week? Why can’t we just say that sometimes it is really hard and other times not so hard, instead of making extreme statements?
That's a fair point. Probably some marriages are super hard work, and some children are probably really, really hard to parent. But others are not so hard. It really all depends.
Which is kind of what I was saying in a reply to another commenter earlier about babies. Some are super hard, some are not so hard.
Yes to this!
Funny story about romantic relationships being hard: when we were newly dating, my husband (who had previous dating experience) laughed over dinnerfor no apparent reason, so I asked him. He said "I didn't realize dating could be so much fun!" I couldn't help retort something to the effect of "Why would you date if it's no fun??" I thoroughly enjoyed being single, and I wasn't going to give that up without an awfully good reason. Apparenty, he was prepared for hard work well before marriage even started!
It's easy to caulk and paint kitchen cabinets.
I followed your directions and referenced the blogs of other DIY painters.
I didn't find it easy at all. And it was expensive too. I had NO painting experience when I started.
I had to hire a pro to redo before we sold.
Lol
I'm not sorry though. I learn things the expensive, hard way.
I'm sure your directions are spot on for veteran wall painters.
Oh yes, I took on that task and I made it through, but I would most definitely not say it was easy! It was kind of all-consuming for a while there and I hated having my kitchen torn apart.
I think painting is usually not super complicated, but it's not easy! It's a lot of work.
I find painting things kinda hard. While I find the painting/staining tedious, it's the reassembling that kills me.
It's never straightforward. Things that seem obvious when taking it apart, aren't when its time to put it back together, even if I take photos (small folding table, I'm looking at you.) Small differences that aren't obvious at all, become critical when reassembling.
Case in point: the Goodwill table that I stained. Turns out it was a homemade table and the undertable supports were each slightly different sizes. I *thought* the drill holes meant it'd be easy to line up the supports with the legs. But no! Realizing that, then figuring out the exact configuration, took a couple of hours.
Many sites go into detail about how to prep and paint furniture. I've yet to find one that goes into detail about reassembly.
This is a pet peeve of mine after having bariatric surgery and having people tell me I "took the easy way out" to lose weight. I don't regret it but as anyone who has made the same decision will tell you, it isn't easy. It isn't easy to deal with the psychological issues behind being overweight. It isn't easy to learn entirely new eating habits. It isn't easy to reform relationships and social experiences that previously revolved around food. But, as you stated, it was worthwhile to be healthier and able to expect to be around to see my grandbabies grow up. I am a stronger and better me for the investment I made in time and focus on myself. Thank you for this refreshing and realistic POV.
Huh. How is having major surgery "the easy way out"???? Good for you for taking charge of your health. There will always be detractors. You chose the best path for you and I'm glad it was successful.
I lost 60# several years ago through Weight Watchers. It kinda makes me laugh when people assume it was no big deal, when you and I both know it's a mindset and lifestyle change. And maintaining the weight loss is even harder (I need to take 10# back off, but I look at it as "at least I didn't put on 60# and 10 is manageable).
Along those same lines, it burns me up when things are advertised as free. I think that is the ultimate 4 letter “f” word. I would much rather hear that something has been provided by _____. To me, it’s very misleading and confusing.
My favorites are get rich quick by buying this "investment" and get thin/healthy quick by adhering to some crazy way of eating.
For me it is the promise of quick and easy meals that require 30 minutes of effort I am not physically able to give. Quick is five minutes, people. Open these packages, stir together these ingredients, done. I can do more than that only if I can do it sitting at a table. I wish my life could be more than stir-frys.
Thank you for boldly speaking the truth, Kristen! You are a great source of encouragement to this happy, weary mama.
Long time reader, never commented before, just wanted to say.... YES!!! You are spot on!!
Oh, I am so glad you commented! Yay! I love to hear from my readers.
Cannot say enough how true and wonderful this post is -- including all the comments. Having a baby is work -- I wouldn't change it for anything, but bless you for sharing that some of those first days with your 1st were dark. Thank you!! I wish I could have heard that when my daughter was first born. She didn't sleep well, cried a lot, and 30 years later, I realize that she had acid reflux which doctors didn't recognize in infants at that time. I had minor baby blues, and no family around to help. Mostly people got all gooey about infants and yapped on about these first days being so precious, etc. Well, yes they were, but I think I could have coped better and not felt so guilty and defeated if someone had admitted that it is WORK.
We survived and I do believe my wonderful girl is the single best thing we ever did 🙂 but it was not always easy. And new moms deserve to hear that it will be this huge adjustment and you might be sad and frustrated and your baby may be more challenging than others and it's not like in the diaper ads where stunningly beautiful new moms seem to do nothing but moon over their perfectly SILENT and contented babies and everyone is singing Kumbaya and no one is waking up 10 times a night. Thank you, Kristin and everyone else -- the nicest thing we can do for new moms (aside from offering some respite care by babysitting) is to tell The Truth. We'll still be good moms 🙂 but we'll also be good friends.
Okay the re-write of those headlines is giving me LIFE
On an evening when the last thing in the world I felt like doing was making dinner, this was oddly encouraging. This is hard for everyone. And now I have a pot of vegetarian chili simmering on the back of the stove, which will feed us for the next few nights. Thank you for a perfectly timed reminder that the right choices aren’t always the easiest ones!
Thanks for the honesty! Your headlines gave me a chuckle! I think you are onto some really key ideas that I needed to be reminded of, especially that something this important will probably require time and effort (and possibly even personal sacrifice), but that these are worth the end result.
Than you Kristen I enjoyed this post enormously it & the comments gave me such a good laugh, so true & very encouraging.
AMEN!
I am that friend who tells you the worst case scenario experience... I share the weird, awkward and hard stories... that many are unwilling to.. and I get so much positive feedback because of it.. because it is truth and it is the hard stuff to ask... The scary post partum bleeding issues that are actually normal, pain and awkwardness in nursing 1 or 2 babies at a time etc. My willingness to share what I have experienced and know has answered unasked questions for many...
One thing I am VERY CAREFUL about though is talking about my twin pregnancy/delivery/term. (I meet a lot of pregnancy mamas due to working in early childhood)... Many will ask about my pregnancy if they find out they are carrying more than a singleton.. or a friend /relative is.. I love to share but always disclaimer my info with
"My experience is VERY uncommon, I don't share to brag or make anyone feel bad about their experience... I was just very very lucky" and then I will share that I was considered high risk but carried full term, no bedrest, no NICU, full term sized babies... but still share my laughable stories of pregnancy IBS, food aversions and outgrowing all my maternity clothing! lol
Life is easier when we come together!
One of my life Mantras is: I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!
or WE CAN DO HARD THINGS!! or YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!!
It's true!
The addendum to this post would be “Things don’t seem quite so hard if you set reasonable expectations and are able to be happy with less than perfect things.” Fixing a meal on the fly isn’t as hard for me as it could be since I’m ok with combining random leftovers.
This may be my favorite post of yours girl!! YES managing expectations is SO important. I'll never forget a conversation I had, very very pregnant, with a gal in my birthing class whose son came just days before mine. She said, "I wish someone had been HONEST with me about how much pain there would be. Even with the classes and education, it REALLY HURT."
LOL! Truer words were never spoken. Things are HARD, AND you can do them. 🙂
Yes! I agree completely. Well said. ☺
Reminds me of the John Wooden quote: "If it's easy, it isn't worth a darn". Well, he didn't use darn, but same difference. I say master something, then make it easier anyway you can.
Life in general is hard, but worth living. Coming from a 75 year old.
Favorite. Article. Ever.
Love this article. The headlines I detest are the ones that say “You have been doing (fill in the blank) all wrong.” I see these types of headlines all the time. It’s usually something simple and mindless like chopping vegetables. So now, we’re supposed to put brain energy on trying to “improve” even simple, every day tasks that we have been doing for years, - and we didn’t know we were doing them “wrong”!? Ughhh!
Oh, my goodness, YES! I think the worst "this is easy!" promise I've come across was when building an Ana White set of 2 console tables. Relative to building lots of other wood-working projects, it probably WAS easy, especially with a pneumatic nail gun, an accurate table saw, and childcare or a single napping child. I had 2 kids, no outdoor workshop (I built it in living room and painted it in the driveway), no table saw (had to do all the cuts either with a handsaw or have HD cut the wood where I could), and a hammer and cordless drill. I also had no protected outdoor space to do the painting, so I was constantly paranoid about the weather, and I couldn't get my kids to nap at the same time, so I gave up on sanding between coats (didn't want them in all that dust).
The tables turned out ok, but it definitely wasn't "easy"!
And that one of the reasons things get easier is just because you've done them 100 times and you've worked out some shortcuts, or at least know the end point and can recognize problems before they become PROBLEMS. Like why I keep timing how long it takes me to do the dishes - it always sounds/looks like a humongous job, but if I time myself, it really doesn't take longer than 20 minutes most nights to completely clean my kitchen. 30 minutes if I had an especially dish-producing recipe.
I think this goes for a lot of things in life - I've seen folks think marriage is going to be "easy" get really discouraged and quick to quit when they hit their first rough patch. I've seen it in my kids when trying to learn a new skill they've seen me or my husband do flawlessly, not at all appreciating the fact that we have literally decades of practice on them!
I opened a new browser window after reading your comment, and the first thing that met my eyes was an article titled, "Learning to code is easy!"
Bahahaha.
Learning a new language, whether is French or a computer coding language is just flat-out not easy.