So, I watched the Downsized TV show.
I heard about this show back in September when we were on vacation, and its topic piqued my interest. The reality show, called "Downsized" (which is done by PieTown Productions, the same company that contacted me about a reality show several years ago!) chronicles the adventures of a blended family (7 kids total) who has come upon hard financial times and has had to downsize their lives as a result.
Unfortunately, the show is on WeTV, so we don't get it here at home. But, when we were visiting Mr. FG's grandma the other day, we caught a few episodes.
At first, I liked the show quite a bit...the family seemed to be working together to make ends meet, although I was a little surprised at how nice their house was (they did look for a cheaper rental, but decided the cheaper homes were too small. To that, I say that if you constantly struggle to make rent, then you need to make do with a smaller place!).
However, when the parents had a meeting with a financial planner, I started to be sort of horrified. The family is on food stamps and is using several other forms of public assistance, which made me think they must really be living on the lean side (the mom, Laura, said that she didn't know what else they could possibly cut). But no, I was wrong.
They spend $500/month eating out, $145/month on cheerleading for their 10 year old, and the mom has a serious Starbucks habit (and those are only a few of the ways that they bleed money).
Gah!!!
I seriously wanted to start yelling at the TV at this point. I really cannot understand being on food stamps when you routinely spend $500/month eating out. Or using public assistance when you're buying Starbucks coffee every day (she is tired from having M.S., but hello! Caffeine comes in cheaper forms than Starbucks.). And if you struggle to come up with the last $100 for rent every month, what in the world are you doing putting your child in cheer?
My brain simply cannot comprehend this kind of thing. Do people who spend $500/month eating out really honestly feel like they've cut everything they can?
The financial planner (I think I'm a fan of his now!) tried to point out that the family was going into the hole each month by about $1700, and that if they kept up like this, they'd end up living on the street somewhere. That didn't seem to give the mom sufficient motivation to cut the Starbucks and the cheer lessons, though.
At least, it didn't in that episode or the one following, where the mom asks the 10 year old if she could maybe give up theater if she still gets to keep going to cheer.
I found some teasers online for upcoming episodes, and it looks like the mom is going to learn how to make coffee at home, and that the kids are going to give up some of their expensive athletic activities, so maybe there's hope for this family. 😉 And if they do learn to manage their money well, hopefully the people watching will learn how to manage their money better too.
So, now that I've shared my thoughts, I'm super curious to hear what you all think of this show. Talk to me!
Today's 365 post: My children consider this a treat.
When I saw the show I felt the same way! I was furious that they could be on public assistance and be living the lifestyle they were living! I mean did you notice the cars they were driving? Come on! Their home is nothing short of a mini-mansion and they seemed to have the best of everything! I know some people who are well off, that do not live that well! They need a serious reality check! In the episode I saw their youngest son ended up selling one of his prized possesions (can't remember what it was) just so they could make rent! Being a frugal enthusiast I saw so..... many ways they could cut costs and wanted to scream at the tv myself. I think there should be classes on how to be frugal, because some people obviously have NO clue!
I know...the mom did seem genuinely clueless! I think she really did believe they'd cut everything they could.
I think she grew up in an affluent family (she said something about that), and so she probably isn't used to the idea that you really can survive without eating out, or that kids can survive without extra curricular activities.
You gotta do what you gotta do.
The car was her mom's that she gave her and it was 15 years old. All of the items they had computers, wii etc were from their life before they lost all of their money. The house is a rental and they need a big place for 9 people. I agree the eating out and starbuchs was crazy. As for the cheerleading that was excessive for the avg person but for someone with money (which they were a year ago) that is not a lot. I have to think it must be hard to go from riches to rags overnight. Your entire thought process has to change. Not sure how easy that is going to be when they must be getting a big paycheck for doing the show.
Seriously! We caught a few episodes last night with our on-demand service. Even my 6 year old was telling the TV "sell that car!", "Daddy, why doesn't she sell her rings?"
Blows me away that some people have such a sense of entitlement that they don't understand the difference between needs and wants.
However----I have to say that for the most part, the kids are GREAT and really seem more interested in making the necessary sacrifices than the mom does!
Did you see the episode where two of the 14 year olds were working at the concession stand? Their conversation totally cracked me up!
And yes, from what I saw, the mom seemed to be the spender in the family.
I like the part where they have to give each kid a bedroom and keep the rings while sucking down public assistance. As a taxpayer I resent paying for them to live far better than we do.
All I could think of is how can you be on welfare, then hop in your Mercedes to pick up your Starbucks gourmet coffee. I realize her mom gave her the car and she has an emotional attachment. But, Mercedes are not cheap to maintain. Buy a coffeemaker at a yard sale or thrift shop. Buy bulk coffee and make a CUP!
I was interested to see this show when I saw the previews because I love frugality and thought I might learn some new tips to add to my repertoire. I only watched a couple of episodes because I was so frustrated by their attitudes. They are on food stamps, but are buying convenience foods. They had chocolate syrup in their grocery cart, but had to put it back because their food stamps card didn't have enough money. I think they ended up getting a can of gravy! These are not people acting like they 'get it.' They've already filed for bankruptcy once. It doesn't seem to me they want to make real change.
Their "downsizing" would be upsizing for my family! I was horrified at the eating out and coffee expenses. And to be using food stamps and cash assistance yet still spending that? Wow. I also noticed that as the mom is saying how she's cut everything she can, she's wearing a pair of Coach diamond earrings. I also wonder if they've checked into scholarships for the extra curricular activities? I think the mom needs a reality check on raising the kids though. Giving them things isn't showing them how much you love them.
I noticed her diamond earrings and big diamond ring as well, and wondered why she hadn't sold them...She wouldn't get near what they paid, but isn't it better than borrowing money from your kids and having them sell their prized possessions? I stopped wearing my diamond engagement ring so I wouldn't have to insure it, and hope that I never have to sell it because it came from my husband's grandmother. But if things got bad enough, I'd sure sell it before going on food stamps and taking food out of mouths of other people's babes. And I'm perfectly happy with the teeny tiny diamond stud earrings my husband gave me when we were dating back in 1994. When times were better, he once asked me if I wanted to upgrade them. I said no way. They were what he could afford when we first fell in love, and they are good enough for me. Those big honking diamonds the mom wears look so tacky and just represent food on the table to me.
I feel sorry for the kids, that their private lives are being spread all over the world and that even their school is shown. With all the wackos in the world, that can't be too safe. They may think it's cool to be on TV now, but this could follow them for a long time.
Diamonds typically sell for less than a fifth of their buying price. The high purchase price is the result of a worldwide cartel controling price (de Beers) and an extremely heavy advertising campaign supporting demand (de Beers again). Yet another reason not to buy them.
Yeah, I agree. I have a very modest diamond that I got when I was engaged back in 1999, but I sometimes wish I had the money that my husband paid for it instead. Diamonds are a waste of money and they are mined in horrible conditions.
I was horrified too - but I think those diamond earrings were Coco Chanel - even worse.
Oops! I guess that just shows I don't know my designer jewelery! LOL I can understand not getting rid of some jewelery. Engagement rings, wedding bands, family heirlooms, etc. But all of that stuff she wears could be used to pay down debt.
@Lili, absolutely. Both adults need a reality check. His business went into foreclosure soon after they married. She should have had a CPA do a forensic check prior to the marriage. Also, why is he not working everyday somewhere? He is a terrible business owner as evidenced by the fact that he had no savings to carry his expenses during lean times. Business owners know. It's torture to watch the kids worrying and selling their price possessions.
I also watch the show and sometimes end up shaking my head at some of the things the spend their money on. However, the car she drives belonged to her mother who passed away. I can understand keeping that. I would too.
Me too! It's super old and probably not worth that much anyways.
The whole thing infuriates me. Making light (aka a "reality" show) of struggling families is distasteful and disrespectful. This show makes a mockery of those who have cut EVERYTHING and still don't qualify for assistance. I'm wondering how these people have food stamps and the like and can still come up with ways to spend $500/month on eating out.
Ditto
That was my first thought -- how do they QUALIFY for food stamps?
I'm only able to see the few clips available on WeTV's website. From the little I've seen, I can sympathize with their struggle to change, but I'm also frustrated with their seeming cluelessness. Did the daughter really get a car, in the middle of all this? And the son's not helping with work? Seriously?
I had a much stronger reaction to an episode of 30 Days (by the guy who made Super Size Me) in which Morgan and his girlfriend "became poor" for a month. (There was also book about this, Nickel and Dimed, by another author.) I got really upset by their conversations as they learned how truly hard it can be to make ends meet when there's not enough of a shoestring.
The car was from the daughter's mom (it's a blended family and her mom is apparently fairly well off).
I actually really enjoyed that episode. We had to watch it in my public policy class my senior year of college.
I realize there were a lot of weird statements that they made, but I think it opened a lot of people's eyes to what living on minimum wage is like. They had to cut a lot of costs from the way they had been living.
I think the fact that the statements seemed upsetting, but I understand where they're coming from. I grew up in a very affluent family, but am now in college. My parents still help me out occasionally when I really need it, but for the most part I'm on my own. It's a big shock to change lifestyles like that. That doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the struggles other people are having, many of them greater than mine, it just means that I'm struggling as well.
I loved Nickel and Dimed. Kids in our high school here often read it in Life Skills class, which is a fab idea.
I've often wondered why getting food stamps doesn't come with some mandatory cooking classes. A lot of people on them here at the moment are young couples who have the most clueless things in their grocery cart, but I have a feeling a lot of them grew up in open-a-can or go-to McDs households and they don't know how to cook. You'd think some would have the gumption to figure it out on their own!
I agree that Food Stamps should come with a cooking and shopping lesson. I was in line behind a mother on food stamps. Her bill came to over $300 (probably a monthly shopping). She had pre-made mashed potatoes (over $2.00 per container), cases of soda, pre-made salad mix (3.00/bag), etc. Her bill could be reduced drastically with some cooking training and shopping hints.
I have never watched this show because I do not have cable service.
Ah, that makes more sense - thanks for the updates. I understand about the car better. In my family, there was a magical red car I bought in high school (cash!) that somehow fit everyone's needs, even when we finally sold it. It went to a family in need of an around-town car and helped offset the expenses of losing two "dependent children" on my parents' taxes this past year. (An side effect of the kids graduating college.) I guess you'd have to watch the episodes through to understand the trajectory of learning and growing as this family comes to terms with their new reality...
I just watched this clip on CBS and the first thing that came to mind is to cut their hair. http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7014157n (you'll probably need to copy and paste the link) I'm the Mom of 2 teenage daughters with long hair and my daughters go through conditioner like it's water. I can spend $2.99 - $3.99 a week just on coniditioner. I use coupons to buy the kind on sale but even then it's not cheap.
I also have a friend who has a similar mentality on "bleeding" money and if she would just put that money to pay debt she could be a stay at home Mom like she desires to. Drives me nuts!
I love all the comments. I just came across this show over the long Thanksgiving weekend and I too was yelling at the TV. Yes, sell the car! But it was my mom's. I get it, but sell the car. It's just a car. And than she had $1000 bonus from work and sent it all on clothes for the kids. Hello? Did the kids really need new clothes? If so, Goodwill and Savers have awesome stuff! The mom needs to wake up and smell the home-brewed coffee!
I agree about Goodwill. My daughter needed a white button-up shirt for something at school. That was all she wanted it for. I didn't want to buy a brand new shirt for her to wear once, so we went to Goodwill and found the perfect shirt for $5. She moaned and groaned about going to Goodwill for it (never bought her used clothes before). It actually looked really fabulous on her so she ended up wearing it regularly.
She recently spilled black nail polish on it. The tag said it was a Coldwater Creek shirt, so I decided to look on their website and see if I could find a new one for her. I did. And the new ones are $70. No way am I paying $70 for a plain white shirt. I looked on EBay and found one for $10. More than I originally paid, but still far less than a brand new one.
Yes, the one daughter did get a car---but that was provided to her by her mother (it's a blended family).
I have not watched the show but wanted to offer some insight on reality TV.
These people are chosen for the show not for their financial savvy or lack, they are chosen because they make good TV. People watch not to empathize but to know they could handle the issues better and possibly to boost their own self esteem.
The family on this show is probably taking direction from the show's producer who is encouraging bad decisions. Bad decisions + high drama = good reality TV.
I'm fond of
Unfortunately, this is the attitude of many in our country. I've run into it many times and it never ceases to amaze me. I could cite many incidents, but one that comes to mind is an episode I saw when I worked in a doctor's office several years ago.
A patient came in to the office complaining that she was tired from her morning at the gym. She was on Medical Assistance, food stamps, welfare. Our office manager saw "red" when she heard the patient's story. "Morning at the gym! Morning at the gym! I'm here working hard to pay for her lifestyle!", the office manager said - after the patient was taken back to the examining room to see the doctor. Oh yes, the doctor received $8.00 from MA for the patient's treatment.
At least going to the gym is a healthy habit. Any idea if it was a $200/ ritzy gym or a $5/month YMCA?
I don't know where your YMCA membership is $5.00 but a family membership at my local YMCA is $60/month. Even that is expensive these days.
My Y isn't usually $5/month either. I was taking poetic licence to raise a point.
The YMCA in my area offers "hardship" assistance. Of course you only hear about that option when you tell them you want/need to cancel your membership.
I realize this is an old post but William, open your eyes, you are paying for her gym membership. I work in the medical industry and you would be seeing red as well if you saw what I see. iphones, designer clothes, bags, fancy cars, and they whip out that medicaid card like it's due to them. Give me a break. Do you know we pay for medical procedures for patients that are on a 3 day visas? They are not even citizens but get benefits that Americans get denied for. You work your whole life, pay into the system only to be denied when you NEED it. Think on that. The Medicaid system is so abused it sickens me.
The daughter did have to give up cheer in a later episode, and the husband found out the ingridents for making the starbucks coffee at home, and she was statified with it. The thing that made me made was she got a 1000.00 bonus at work and went right out and spent it! She bought clothes for the kids,(yea i am sure they needed it, but I am sure she coud have figured out a way to get some clothes for the kids for less money! And put that 1000.00 to better use!
I have never seen the show and feel like I will get yelled at for commenting this way but have to add my 2 cents. My husband lost his job 2 years ago, a very good paying job, and we have a nice home, a camper and a boat. We are on foodshare and still have those things BUT we tried selling them but in this economy no one is buying! We have to hang on to the house because it is our only retirement/savings and our payment would be no less for an apartment for 6 people. We both work hard at low paying jobs and try to get by, we are very frugal but from the outside looking in we may not appear to be. We never eat out, buy new things, our teenagers work to pay for their cell phones, have no land line, everything made from scratch, sold what we can, etc........We live every day praying we don't loose it all and hope my husband finds a new job! Just my 2 cents
I understand your situation---and I assume that this family started out in the same position as yours. The problem is, they never truly 'cut back'---when they showed them meeting with the credit counselor, Mom was still spending $130 per month at Starbucks AFTER they'd already lost their house and filed for bankruptcy. They continued to spend $2000+ more than they were bringing in per MONTH. That is just irresponsible and selfish.
Apparently the mom grew up in quite a lavish way, never wanting for anything; she keeps whining about how hard it is that she can't do the same for her own kids. Which I also get----but then, don't take 9 people out for dinner at a sushi restaurant!!!!
I also get that this is a 'reality' show and some things may be manufactured for effect. That doesn't negate the bad decisions and poor planning they'd already had.
The Starbucks coffee excuse makes me sick, my sister passed away with MS and the doctors do not want MS patients to have coffee; it causes stress on your adrenal glands, your liver and raises your blood pressure, so its just a poor excuse for her habit. The father says they got into their situation as a family and they will get out as a family. Wonder what financial decisions the children are responsible for? They make the kids work (nothing wrong with teaching kids that hard work doesn't hurt you) however that have taken everything away from the kids. With that many kids some sort of cable is a necessity. The cheerleading should have been stopped months ago, I am glad they finally did stop. If her sisters had cheer, why can't they teach the younger one what they learned? I too wonder if some of the things are just for show; because some of the things the mother does really makes me wonder where she got her Masters Degree. The house cleaning fiasco with the home made cleaning supplies ( I am sure there is a dollar store in their town, she probably never had to shop in one before) and the overflowing toilet; they just watched it overflow instead of lifting the lid and pushing the plunger down to stop the water flow. I am sorry for the children, but that family is much better off than a lot of folks these days. They still have a big house, heat and air and enough to eat; unfortunately many many people have no safe place to lay down at night and not enough food to eat and I am sure they are getting money for this tv show.
Oh goodness...your situation is entirely different! You are living in a responsible, thrifty way, and the family on TV doesn't appear to be. That's apples and oranges in my eyes. 🙂
I'm kind of in a similar situation. My parents are very well off (mom's a doctor, dad's a lawyer, bother are retired Army full colonels). They've always lived modestly though. They got a lot of our furniture overseas when they were in the Army and it's traveled with them/us for 30-35 years. Growing up I mostly wore clothes from goodwill (kids are pretty hard on clothes anyway!), my mom and my car are both from 1998, my dad did buy a new one last year with his inheritance, but he budgeted for that.
Now that I'm in college and (mostly) cut off, my life is very different. I still have nice things, but I bought some of my furniture from Ikea, but the rest I inherited from my grandmother. I'm very careful with my food spending and I have awesome credit. I only work 9 hours a week, but I find a way to make it work and still live a lifestyle I can be comfortable with.
My aunt has Ms and is wheelchair bound. Sometimes she cannot move at all. They could buy an Entertainment coupon book in the area they live in and save by getting buy one free or ect.. Sometimes with those coupons it is cheaper than cooking. She could get a nice creamer flavored at the store to perk up her boring coffee or make a cheap one. One that is good is just cream, cinnamon, sugar and whipping cream. It is much cheaper than Starbucks. They sell other coupon books too or she could get the deals on line. If she hurts too much or gets to where she cannot move. Maybe she cannot cook sometimes. I agree they do waste too much money and could do it much cheaper. They just need to budget better. Anyone can improve.
I really like the show! While you seem to be a naturally frugal person who has truly succeeded at living this lifestyle in a remarkable way, there are millions of Americans who are not. Many of their lives have been turned upside down the last couple of years and they have had to reevaluate their lifestyles. This is a very painful process - however outlandish it may appear to you. I think this show is perfect for those involved in this pilgrimage - similar to a recovering alcoholic using their struggle as inspiration to others of their persuasion. It is so much more meaningful coming from someone who has been there.
Many of your readers are your choir members and read your blog to help boost their lifestyle which they have already mastered; but many are on the road to a more frugal existence - some have taken many steps and some have taken their first step.
Often, this is a journey made by choice and sometimes this choice is one they would never make but one they unwittingly did.
I have worked in our community's food pantry through the church and have learned a lot. I will never judge a person for what car they are driving or what they are wearing as they pull up to load up their groceries. Quite often these people are one paycheck away from bankruptcy. Perhaps they have lost jobs and have nothing left but that fancy car or nicer clothing. What I do have a problem with, and I do not consider this judging, is when people find things like Starbucks and eating out a necessity because they are too tired. I would feel terrible guilt if I were in their position financially and used our money to have a $5.00 cup of coffee everyday. She could use the money she saves, go with her children and teach them to shop wisely then plan and prepare meals together. I think I will look for this program and have my children watch with me. We will then talk about what we can learn from this.
I might get yelled at, but I feel like I need to add in my two cents.
I was at the grocery store on Sunday, and there was a woman, a man, a toddler, and a baby (probably about 1 year?) shopping. The man had a carriage that was FILLED with about 12 containers of formula, 10 loaves of bread, 4 gallons of milk, etc. I can only assume this was for WIC or foodstamps. The woman had another shopping cart with a couple of other items that I would assume are not covered by WIC. Ok, fine. I understand this. But the kicker was that that woman was pregnant. I'm sorry, but what in the world is she doing PREGNANT while on public assistance, when she already has 2 children that she can't afford to raise?? There is absolutely no excuse for that. There are more than enough birth control methods out there to prevent pregnancy. I know that everyone has the right to reproduce as they like, but isn't that just common sense NOT to bring another child into the world if you can't afford him or her?! AND not to mention that I see hundreds of dollars come out of my paycheck for taxes that go to pay for this kind of thing. Yikes.
I agree bringing a child into this world can be costly, but we don't know situation of the family. Perhaps the pregnancy was unexpected and they are against abortion? Or maybe they plan on giving up the baby for adoption, and all the items were for their toddler and 1 year old?
I personally have loads of mercy for accidental pregnancy. I haven't the faintest clue about how I managed to get pregnant with Zoe (I won't go into details, but her conception kind of defies science)....and I got pregnant her at a MOST inconvenient time (we were moving) and at a time when money was very tight for us.
Nothing but abstinence is 100%, and I'm certainly not going to advocate for that in marriage. 😉
I agree that accidental pregnancy is sometimes just that, an accident. Even if you take the best precautions, it could still happen. If abortion isn't an option in one's personal beliefs, then there isn't much you can do.
Also, they may be able to work another child into their life by making do with less for a while before they can get back on their feet.
If it were me, I'd hesitate to pass judgement unless I knew the family and understood their situation and history.
Also, it's true that a lot of people who are on food stamps haven't had the benefit of as much education as the rest of us, and are sometimes woefully lacking information about reproductive stuff. I take my knowledge for granted (and I still managed to get pregnant by accident more often than not!), but not everyone has the same advantages.
You're completely right! I hadn't even thought of that. My mother is an OB/GYN so I've had PLENTY of education on reproductive health and birth control.
Also, it may be harder for them to get medical coverage for birth control, or they don't know the public assistance options for it.
Depending on where they live, birth control may not be covered completely or at all by their public health care. Crazy, I know, but because of the controversy surrounding whether or not bc pills can cause an abortion, they aren't covered in all states.
I'm glad you brought up education, FG. I think some of us were lucky enough to be raised or influenced by frugal people who modeled frugal behaviors. For some, the concept of frugality is completely foreign and as hard for them as it would be for me to go out and make a million bucks a year!
I knew I'd get some flack for stating that.
Assuming it was an accidental pregnancy, and all possible precautions were being used, then fine. I understand that. I'm certainly not suggesting that people have abortions because they can't afford a child - that's a horrifying thought. But we can no better assume that it was an accidental pregnancy rather than a planned, irresponsible pregnancy. Welfare abuse is all too common.
I'm not against welfare, and I am happy that my tax money goes towards keeping people fed, clothed, and off the streets. I just wish it was better managed and less easily abused. The government really should put more money into training programs (ex. cooking classes, like some other readers mentioned, personal finance classes, and perhaps even classes on preventing unplanned pregnancy and health). I know that's a tall order, but I really think it would be nice to see that sort of thing be required.
I volunteered for a Big Sister program a few years back, and neither my "little sister" nor her mother knew who her father was. And her mother had a total of four children, born to four different fathers. I honestly can not imagine how she was doing "everything possible to avoid becoming pregnant, but it just happened accidentally".
Oh no, I completely agree! There are a LOT of people who abuse the system or act irresponsibly with their reproduction choices.
I'm just saying that, as someone who's volunteered with WIC and the like, I prefer to find out about their situation first.
Actually, welfare abuse is not "all too common". That is a common straw man argument, because everyone has their "story" about this one family they knew that did x,y, z. In general however, welfare is very, very difficult to get. Depending on the state you get checked up on as often as monthly, and usually at least every 3 months, and each time you have to undergo and interview situation. In addition, regardless of the state one lives in there is a "lifetime limit" of 5 years, which was part of the welfare reform enacted by Clinton.
It gets everyone in a tiff talking about "Welfare Queens" but the reality is that most people who get it truly do need it, and honestly some of the poorest people in our country are the *working* poor, who can't get ahead even when both parents are working full time. My mother worked full time, and my father was never late on child support, and we *still* qualified for HUD housing and food stamps.
Yes, some people abuse it. But contrary to popular belief (that is not based in any kind of fact) welfare abuse is the exception, not the rule.
Had I seen that I expect the first thought in my head would be about the same as Erika's (I have an extremely critical backbrain, something I'm working on). Then my next thoughts would have been: accidents happen, rape happens, surrogacy happens. I need to know more before I am in a position to judge.
You know, I suppose this is the good point about discussing hard topics - it makes you consider alternate explanations and ideas about things. I'm sorry that my commentary sounded so harsh; it certainly wasn't appropriate and I apologize. I feel terrible for judging this woman so quickly.
I guess I just really have a problem with people bringing children into poor circumstances. I feel like it is putting an innocent child into a situation that is going to cause them unnecessary hardship, and that just breaks my heart. I truely believe that raising a child is the responsibility of the parent, not the responsibility of the tax payers. If a person has a child, and hits some hard times and needs to apply for assitance, of course they should do so. But when a person is already in tight financial straights and yet still continues to bring children into the situation, it just seems incredibly irresponsible to me. And I know we've discussed all the possible reasons why an accidental pregnancy could occur, but there are appropriate actions that could be taken in many of those situations to reduce the chances of pregnancy, or to prevent pregnancy until the family is in a better position.
Again, I apoligize for being so harsh before, and I thank you all for bringing another perspective to the situation. It is appreciated 🙂
I agree with you, these people that are on welfare keep having children they can't support. But here is another irony; state Medicaid pays for Viagra, go figure.
Never saw it...but how in the world do you qualify for food stamps when you're getting paid for a reality TV show. Methinks nothing about it is "real."
Exactly....reality tv=phony tv. They are doing these things to get everyone mad and wanting to watch more. Who says any of it is true?? Unlikely when they are the stars of a show and are obviously getting paid to do so.
I do budget counseling at my church and there are many people out there who claim to be cutting back due to lost jobs etc., but then charge a trip to Mexico that they just had to go on. Or they continue eating out, gym memberships etc.
I remember my sister in law (whose life is always in shambles due to poor choices) asking us for money while she had a gym membership, starbucks habit, and shopped at pier one! I didn't do any of these things myself as they were just not in our budget! So needless to say we sent no money, and she has continued her welfare and nasty sugar daddies instead of getting a job. Why work when you don't have to, right??
I love this show! But not so much because I agree with the family's choices...
I think people like this family have trouble distinguishing wants and needs. If you remember in the episode with the financial planner, this family used to make millions of dollars each year. They became accustomed to a certain lifestyle.
The lifestyle they are living now is so much less than what they are used to, but still so much more than what I am used to. I am inspired by the way the family works together and I have high hopes for them.
Yes, I felt encouraged when I saw some teasers for the later episodes!
People like this need to learn to expel a couple words from their vernacular. Those words are deserve and entitled.
Your child is not entitled to be a cheerleader when you can't pay your bills.
You do not deserve a Starbucks coffee when you buy a can of coffee for the price of a cup. Heck, you can buy gas station coffee for $0.99 a cup.
You don't deserve food stamps. $500 buys a lot of groceries. If you don't want to cook, eat the $1 TV dinners.
Disclaimer - I haven't watched the show
I think that this type of attitude is very common. People don't know the difference between wanting to do something and needing to do something. I know we can't go out to eat even though I want to do so. I can't buy alot of things I want. We (DH and I) realize that there are sacrifices that must be made to make do with the money we have.
We also know that we are luckier than alot of folks and try to concentrate on that instead of what we can't buy.
I haven't ever heard of this show before, but I was reading a very similar article on Yahoo yesterday. It was about a couple that made 10 million dollars several years ago and is now going broke. In fact they are so broke that they can not afford to pay their two mortgages. Now personally I can't understand why anyone with 10 million dollars would have a mortgage at all.
Simple... living above their means. It is the American Way! (Sarcasm).
Good point!! 🙂
I always wonder that too! I'd SO buy a home with cash.
I read about the same couple. Given his background and experience, I think he judged he could earn more by having a mortgage and investing the money.
It doesn't seem possible to spend $500 a month eating out. But I'm not surprised. I know several people that eat breakfast/lunch/dinner out every single day. And a lot of people believe eating out is cheaper than cooking at home (someone told me it was silly to make hamburgers at home when McDonald's has a dollar menu!! eek!). I think the family in the show is somewhat aware of their expenses, I just think reality TV shows are not really reality. 🙂
Oh, I can see how it's possible, especially if you've got 7 kids. My family can easily drop $75 eating at a chain restaurant like TGI Friday's, so it wouldn't take much of that to get to $500. And we only have 4 kids!
Totally agree about the dollar menu...it seems so cheap, but it's not cheaper than eating at home. I can feed the six of us 21 meals a week for $100....that's only $.80 per meal, not just per meal item.
And it's real food, not salt, sugar and preservative laden crap.
Well, mostly. I don't think chocolate-covered marshmallows are real food. =P
Or Peeps!
I saw chocolate-flavored Peeps in the store recently. I love me my Peeps but somehow chocolate Peeps struck me a Just Wrong.
I have watched every episode of this show except for last week. I completely agree with everyone about the eating out, Starbucks etc. When they were $100 short on rent and their son sold his baseball glove....HEELLLLOOOO how could this mom not feel terrible that herStarbucks caused her son to sell his glove, what kind of example is she setting. For many of us that read Kristen's blog I think the kind of spending they are still doing would be a step up in our lives. My family could afford to do all the things this family does butcannot affored, yet we don't do it, it is a waste of money and completely unnecessary.
Reality TV is designed to make you want to throw something at the television:) I do think, though, that these are the mindsets and attitudes of today's generation. In my opinion, the worst of it is that people like this are raising their children with that same sense of entitlement. They'll never know better so they'll never DO better and the whole cycle is repeated:/ You're looked upon as "judging" if you have anything to say about it, even though hard working, honest people are footing the bill. It makes me sad and I see no solution for it.
thanks for mentioning this show.
I'm going to check it out.
I thought people with MS needed to stay away from caffeine. I must have had it wrong.
Someone I know has intermittent MS - she consumes numerous caffeinated items: coffee (regular I think), tea, chocolate. But, of course, that doesn't mean she's supposed to consume these things...
I have never seen this show but I am shocked. I know a family who "makes too much" (har-dee-har-har) to qualify for public assistance and yet the father works several jobs to make ends meet. They rarely eat out or do any sort of out of the home activity except spending time with friends and family (which, incidentally, suits them just fine 🙂 ) Anyway, it just shocks me that people like the ones on the TV show think they really "have it bad." I hate to tell ya, honey, but if Starbucks is your main concern, you're doing ok.
You have more patience than me. I would have turned it off. Although I do hope some learn through the show. I worked with a woman who made 2 times what I did, took free assistance from church and when a $6K commission check came in went shopping and ignored the collection agencies pounding at her door. She had a $12.50 Starbucks habit a day (I only know this because she asked me to calculate it for her one day).
Some won't learn because they won't grow out of their own selfishness...What I try to stress to people who ask is how freeing the downsizing/frugality/saving process is and what blessings it truly brings to your life by removing so much stress and stuff to allow other things in...
Sounds like they need to start reading your blog. 🙂
This makes me thankful I don't have cable anymore! Obviously I haven't seen the show, but it sounds like Hollywood has intervened in this family's situation. I really don't understand how they could even qualify for food stamps. The poverty line for a family of 7 is only about $33,000/year. And if they are spending what people have detailed above... Hmmm... But to reiterate what someone else said- reality tv is about entertainment, not so much anything else.
In some states, the "line" at which families qualify for food stamps or other assistance programs is 200% of the federal poverty line. I know this because my husband and I looked into it in Minnesota early on in our marriage when we unexpectedly got pregnant, he was still in school, and I was working as a nursing assistant. So for a family of 7, the line at which they qualify might actually be closer to $60,000
I've never heard of this show. Now I need to see if it's online anywhere.
-Katy
I looked and didn't see full episodes available anywhere. I wouldn't have heard of it except that we had cable when we were on vacation, and the ads definitely made me interested in seeing it!
I don't watch this stuff because we haven't had cable in years. We are taking a finance class and I find it unbelievable that people think just because they can afford the payments that stretch over their entire lifetime they can afford something. Oh I need an RV, a giant SUV, a luxury vacation every year, a mcmansion, etc. And these people are "struggling" to make ends meet. My husband and I are both unemployed as of today ( I have been for months). We honestly don't have too much else to cut (internet and $20 of spending money a week is all we spend on wants), but we have not used a credit card yet and have some money in savings we can use in an emergency. Now if unemployment runs out we are in trouble, but we cut back BEFORE we were unemployed so that we were ready for my pay cut. We were planning to try again for a baby after our miscarriage, but obviously we can't do that right now. I wish we were lucky enough to have had a boat, Starbucks addiction, monthly Hair Appointments, etc to give up in the first place so we could start a family.
I've watched several episodes of this. The whole Starbucks thing got under my skin too. Then she tried to make the drink at home but it didn't work out and they threw the whole thing away. Did they think to look online for a recipe first? Ugh!
My husband pointed out that all the men only seem to wear Under Armour brand tshirts, and they are not blurred out. Wonder if they are getting extra money for the advertising. Also, how much is WeTV paying them to be on the show??
I constantly see people using food stamps and taking their purchases out to a BMW or Mercedes. I simply don't get it. I don't think people are embarassed about hand outs anymore. They simply feel entitled. It's discouraging to those of us who truly struggle to make ends meet with no hand outs.
Thanks for a very enlightening article Kristen!
I haven't seen this show, and I don't plan to go searching for it on the internet. However, the talk about the daughter in an expensive cheer program hit close to home for me.
We are not in dire financial straits, although money is tighter than we'd like and we aren't very good about saving for an emergency fund, let alone retirement and/or college. However, each of our 4 kids are in some form of sports for most of the year, and up until a year ago our oldest daughter took ballet to the tune of $120/month. I would sit and look at our budget printout and see that ballet cost and I knew in my head that it would be financially prudent to cut ballet and trim back the other sports. But I didn't do it. It was too hard for me to contemplate telling our daughter (who is neither a shopper nor a spender and is content with goodwill jeans and t-shirts) that she couldn't take her beloved ballet any more. I knew Dave Ramsey would be yelling at me if he knew, but I just couldn't do it.
I can't excuse the lady's Starbucks habit, but I do understand the cheer.
PS--this year my daughter is earning a full scholarship at ballet by being an assistant teacher!
See, I think that's completely different. You are not depending on government assistance and still coming up $2000 short every month.
I think your daughter's ballet sounds much more like mindful spending than anything...you're saving in other areas so that you can splurge in this one area, and I think that's fine.
I did ballet for 11 years and the older and more involved I got in the company, the more expensive it got. I think the cost crept up on my parents. Once I started dancing 30-35 hours a week, it was costing about $2000 a semester (that's $500 a month). My parents could afford it, but they still asked me to TA the little girls' class and run rehearsal so I could offset some of the cost. I was more than happy to if it meant I got to stay!
I'm deeply appreciative for the music, sports, and other extracurricular stuff my parents put me through. Even though I'm not using those skills much now as an adult, the training had a lifetime impact on me. This is *real* quality of life, not just entertainment or possessions. If you can keep the sports and ballet and still make the budget balance, Dave Ramsey can shut up.
I use the skills I learned in ballet, Girl Scouts, marching band and my other activities every single day!
I learned discipline, time management, punctuality, respect, hard work, giving back to the community, working in a group and putting others before myself. I may not be doing pirouettes at work or running around campus with my bass clarinet, but the deeper skills are certainly still with me today.
I myself have never seen this show but it boils me when people are on Public assistance and going to Starbucks for coffee and eating out . I am a single Mom ,work fulltime and I can't get any assistance not even a medical card . I see people in stores with food stamps buying lobster ,crab legs and steak . I think to myself hmmm I am paying for that and I myself can't eat that well.
My church recently did a Dave Ramsey series on budgeting and cutting down . It was a very good program I know some young couple are now finally out of debt . We do not go out to eat and I am a Starbucks fanantic and I have not been in months stopped going , I treat myself to some flavors and put them in my coffee at home . I'm sure this family has been living high for years and just has not come to reality that these are things they can no longer do .
I've never seen this show, but I admire this family for putting themselves through this type of public scrutiny. We've been in a forced downsized situation so I completely identify with anyone going through this type of hardship. It's extremely disturbing to me how our society and media has become so freely judgmental of people.
I love the story of Jesus' first miracle at Cana. Here was a couple with embarrassing and public lack whether from ill-planning or bad circumstances or other - we're not privy to the information. I think this omission is as telling as what Jesus' does in the situation. He doesn't pass judgement and lecture or even instruct; he compassionately and over-abundantly provides for their need. Love and grace always supersede.
I read an interesting article recently about newly homeless, middle-class families who were experiencing loss through foreclosure. It's a community of unusually high foreclosed homes because of several key reasons. But, what was interesting about the article, is the social services department in that area began to hold classes for those families who just didn't know how "to be poor." Beyond budgeting and being frugal, they just didn't know what services were available to them.
My point is we're not here to judge; just as Jesus didn't come to judge, but to love. We've not walked in their shoes and what is frugal for others may not be what is frugal for them. Sounds like the learning curve is a little steeper for them than for others. With loads of compassion and instruction, I believe their situation can be filled with hope and a future.
I totally appreciate your lovely and inspirational blog. You're making a huge difference in the lives of many people. Keep up the good work!
$500 a month on eating out!? that is ridiculous!
I totally agree this family needs to reevaluate their priorities!
The only thing I would mention is if they can swing it, it might be beneficial to keep their children in at least of one of the activities they're already doing and they enjoy (glad to see they're letting the girl pick one of her activities, but I wish she'd keep the arts over cheer....). Pulling kids out of absolutely everything because of money would be really hard on them, especially when they're used to living a more extravagent lifestyle. Also, it sounds like if they stopped eating out, drop the starbucks and reconsider a smaller home, they'd be much better off and could have more options for their children. Obviously, if they REALLY can't afford it, then it's necessary to cut it.
See, I think it's good to not insulate kids. Kids need to feel hardships as well. Too many people were raised sheltered from their parents' financial woes and their parents racked up bills while their kids got to "cheer" or play football.
I also think when you make kids cut back or give up things you need to do it across the board. My sisters got to go through gymnastics while my parents were having financial problems. I wasn't allowed to go to piano lessons (which I admit I'm still bitter about, 20 years later.) :-/
I completely agree that kids need to experience hardships, but I promise you these kids already are. The mom making them sell their possessions and facing the possibility of being homeless.
I think it'd still be acceptable to say something like "you can each pick one activity to do, but everything else needs to go (or be put on the back burner until such a time as we can afford it again). You need to keep your grades up and work hard in this activity in order for us to continue paying for it." If the family TRULY couldn't afford it, then of course they should cut it, but there are a lot of other things they could/should cut before they decide they can't afford any of their kids' activities.
I have been watching since the beginning. Yes, the car was given to her by her mom... BUT...they are on food stamps and she goes to Starbucks...they are struggling to pay rent and their 10 yo is in cheer.. I think the director/producer of the show is indeed helping them make bad choices...
But...the kids are learning.. and hopefully will go on to make wonderful financial decisions.. One gave up prom..3 boys gave up summer baseball..one sold his glove to help pay the rent... they are learning..
She does learn to make her own coffee drinks, they start a housecleaning business and she has a client..and she is starting to tutor...
See, I'm glad they're making better choices, but I think it's disgusting that they feel it necessary to force their children to give up on things like prom (which can be made to be frugal if you plan) instead of giving up on eating out and starbucks!
Although I never even heard of this program, my reaction is the same as yours, Kristen. My question is, are we expected to feel sorry for selfish, clueless people like this? Can we say S-P-O-I-L-E-D R-O-T-T-E-N? God help us all!
Yes, I agree that it does sound like they don't have a clue how to be frugal. However, they probably never learned how to be frugal before! Some of us are blessed to have frugal parents who teach their kids how to be frugal naturally. Others just struggle along when times get tough. Hopefully, they'll eventually learn.
There's another show I just happened to catch that was really great. It is called Til Debt Do Us Part. The financial adviser is really great. She shows them exactly how much they spend every month (which is always THOUSANDS more than they make) and helps them get into the habit of using cash. She helps them create a plan to pay off their debt and live within their means. Not all of the couples follow through, which I actually like. It makes the show more realistic.
This show has been on in Canada for years. Gail has her own blog too which is where I found Kristen. We got ourselves out of a huge hole thanks to Till Debt a few years ago. Love it, love her, love being debt free:)
Yes, Gail Vaz Oxlade is awesome. Love TDDUP...you can find her nearly daily blog and many useful resources as wella s encouraging stories of "followers" successes on her website...hope it's ok to post it here.
http://www.gailvazoxlade.com
Been a fan of her and her shows for years here in Canada and quite a few Americans follow now and read/post on her site too.
I totally understand your frustration with the way this family is spending their money. I have watched this show from the beginning and felt much the same way. But, put yourself in their shoes for just a minute. They were accustomed to spending close to 10K per month! To them, they are downsizing. It doesn't always come so natural to people to be frugal. It may not have been such a no brain-er to cut cheer, coffee, and cable. In the latest episode by the way the mother does cut all three of those things and on top of that pursues two side jobs to generate more income (tutoring, and house keeping). She even makes her own cleansers instead of buying them for full price. I have to give kudos to this family. They are learning as they go, and also teaching their children that things don't come so easy. It's an adjustment for the whole family. While they may not be the most frugal bunch, they are giving it a good try. Yes, they have a long way to go. I'm sure in a year or two when they look back at how far they have come with their frugal ways they will be so embarrassed at how much they wasted when they thought they couldn't cut another thing from their budget. Maybe you should send them a link to your blog 🙂
I was talking to my friends about this. If my income were to drop by the percentage their income dropped, I would be homeless!
I watched a couple of episodes but it was just too frustrating. They are totally clueless as to how they got into this situation and when/if the economy turns around and they are earning big money again, they will go back to their old ways. They haven't learned anything. I'm sure the show was meant to garner sympathy but I only saw them as spoiled, whiny brats (mother included).
In trying not to be too judgmental, I'm willing to bet that it has not even occurred to this mother that eating out or starbucks might be an extravagance. Indeed, in my area, many of the younger people I know, families or no families, make trips to Tim HOrton's for coffees several times a day. They think that is how people live.
Our society has become bombarded with the message to spend. When faced with financial difficulties we don't even realize there is a problem. sometimes it takes a huge shock to wake a person up .
Haven't seen the show, don't want to, could not afford to replace TV if I threw something at it. Someone mentioned a show called Till Debt Do Us Part, and I have seen that. Gail, the host, pulls no punches, and doesn't shy away from sometimes tough choices. She has a new show that I have not seen, called Princess (the entitlement set) I am not in the US, so have a really hard time understanding the food stamp thing. How do you qualify? How much do you get? And how could you qualify if you have $500/month available to eat out, plus $130 for coffee? I'm sure many, if not most of your readers spend less than that on ALL food purchases for the month (I do). There have been some newspaper articles locally about how a typical family of four (specifically on social assistance) requires about $1400 a month to eat healthy food. I can't even imagine what $1400 of healthy food would look like. How many carts would that fill? Or is the term healthy somehow being confused with convenient and exotic? It's too bad the difference between wants and needs is such a blind spot.
I haven't read through all the comments yet. I also haven't seen the show because we truly are downsized and don't have WeTV. We also pay our own bills. When I first heard about this show, I thought it was strange that it would be broadcast on a channel that most people who have truly downsized wouldn't actually have.
I thought the same thing! My husband and I have been watching this show and I frequently find myself rolling my eyes at some of their habits. The husband/Dad seems to have a clue - he has a "no tolerance" policy for slipping up and is the one that bought the coffee-making supplies for his wife. To boost income, he's also started doing some heavy marketing for his business and began taking jobs that he was over-qualified for. To his wife's defense, though - she did begin tutoring her students and even started her own home cleaning business with her daughters (though she still has a lot of work ahead of her).
I think it's sad that people don't seem to comprehend the meaning of "cutting back" and "going without." Spoiled!
Perhaps the point of the show is that they start out spoiled, but slowly get a clue. It'd still make me want to throw things, though.
My pet peeve: people who ask for a scholarship for their kid's $45 a YEAR music group, but own an iPhone! Really? Really?! That's just abusing the system.
These t.v. people crack me up. I remember an interview with Kate Gosselin (I watch junk t.v. when I iron my hubby's shirts) where she went on and on about how she could not support her family on a nurse's income. I wanted to strangle her. We support our family of 10 on about as much as the average R.N. salary in our area.
We don't have to worry about giving up stuff, our famiy decided long ago that there would be more to our lives than cheer lessons for kids or Starbucks for mom. Tonight we will sit down together for dinner at a table set with cloth napkins, candlelight and leftovers. lol
Have you guys seen the latest episode? Her husband buys her the ingredients to make homemade coffee and she likes it. She also is trying to start her own cleaning business and she bought the ingredients to make homemade cleaning products instead of chemicals. All of the girls cleaned their first house together.
And they canceled the $145 cheerleading class. I have actually been impressed with how the family is pulling together. They are all making sacrifices. I agree about receiving assistance and then spending money on dining out and Starbucks, but as the show progresses they are making those changes too.
Ooh, that sounds excellent! I'm so glad to hear they managed to find a way to give up the coffee and the cheerleading. She sounded so dead against those cuts in the episode I watched.
Oh I could rant and rave about this kind of situation....I see it daily..people who abuse the system. Like they can afford $5/pack of cigarettes but can't afford a prescription medication that will keep them healthy and costs WAY less per month than their beloved cigarettes. LOTS of pharmacies have $4/$10 month prescriptions on a LOT of medications so I have a hard time buying the argument of "I can't afford it". Um, if you can afford the cigs, fake nails, hair weave, iPhone, Applebottom jeans, Nike sneakers, Abercrombie tee then I THINK you can afford a $10 month BP Medication!!!
So I'm not the only one who sees the abuse, good to know... now if only the government see it.
Having an opinion that people should live within their means is not judging, it's common sense. I am sure that not ONE person here would deny help to someone who truly needed it. It makes most people angry to see extravagant people living on gov't assistance while folks who truly need it are doing without every day. To not care that our taxpayer money is being fraudently used by some and terribly needed by others who are denied it shows alarming apathy. I believe that in our lifetime there will be no more social security for people who have paid into it ALL their adult lives because of people like these. As a matter of fact, it's already dry!! Realizing that something is amiss and calling it so isn't judging. If you saw a person with a fur coat snatch a scarf off a homeless person wouldn't that make you indignant? On a larger scale, that's
what's happening. Sorry for the novel:/
First of all I wanted to say that I appreciate you sharing your life with the world (and me 🙂 Life is not about stuff and money, it's about living for the pleasure of our Lord and I'm proud of you for sharing not only your way of life but your faith as well!!! Now, about the "Downsized", ahem! As far as I can see they did no such thing (downsized), they are lucky that they are getting foodstamps, probably because of the number of children that they have. However, they could have used their money, that they spend on all the activities and going out, on food and leave the foodstamps for someone who REALLY needs it. And how about this tone I hear when they almost appologize to their children for taking aways stuff, acivities and not being able to do things, when they are barely making it every month?!! I think they need to snap out of what it used to be and learn how to live "Cheerfully on Less" 🙂 May God bless you and your family!!!
Well, aren't we a judgmental bunch? Why does everyone always feel like they need to prove how much better they are than someone else?
I do think that reality TV often serves as a tool to make us feel better about ourselves (it's one of the reasons I don't usually watch it...it feeds my pride!).
Like some other commenters said, my distress at this family's choices mainly stems from the fact that they are/were using government assistance while making purchases that were a far, far cry from a necessity. It's not right for someone to take people's tax dollars and use them like that.
If someone wants to spend themselves silly without using taxpayer resources, that's one thing. But this is quite another.
Of course, when we present our opinions about this, we should do it humbly (and we should be as merciful as the situation allows), but I don't think there's anything wrong with having an opinion.
Right, Kristen, especially when it's OUR tax money about which we're opining.
Also, I want to add (as gently as possible) that criticizing someone about being judgmental is, at the very least, perilously close to being judgmental. It's one of those catch-22s!
Many commenters have been kind enough to mention that we don't always know the circumstances of others' lives when we rush to condemn them. Of course we hope that others will show mercy to us, so we should do the same. With that said, however, I have to speak up as a retired person on a fixed income. I have paid my full share throughout life in the form of taxes as well as giving generously to charitable organizations such as our local homeless shelter. I am glad to help out those who need it, even though I do not have much excess money myself. I ponder for months or years about expenditures of a few hundred dollars or more before making those commitments. I make sure to keep a good amount in savings, so I can handle any emergencies myself that come along. All this to say, I can't help but resent when people like these (and I have not watched the show, only know what I've read here) have the gall to spend my tax money to go to Starbucks, as well as pay for fancy clothes and nonessential activities for their children! I pinch pennies for years in order to have enough to make a purchase the size of this woman's annual Starbucks expenditures!! My annual income is probably far less than this family spends just in entertainment and expensive, gourmet-type eating! If they were going hungry, and had no other alternatives, I would be willing to help them. But where is the justice in their lavish lifestyle when a hard working, low income person like me has to pay for it?
You may be "judgmental" too one day when there is no help available for you or someone you love because it has been drained away by people with no self-discipline. I don't think anyone here was speaking of anyone who truly cannot do better. Not trying to be argumentative, just presenting a viewpoint.
The irony is that this family will not live on the street because your tax money will pay for the roof over their heads as well. I take no issue with anyone who is really trying; these people, otoh, need a swift kick in the ***.
Y'all realize that the TV crew, interviewers and producer all work to make the family look as bad as possible, right? That drama sells better that quiet competence? That anyone could be made to look bad with careful editing - even the FG's family?
I haven't seen the show but have seen shows like this. Based on what's been reported I have the same reactions. But I know that that's what the producters are hoping to happen. The worse the family looks, the better the ratings and the better they seem at the end. Presto! The show's resources fixed the family. Now go buy the stuff being advertised during the show. It doesn't really add up, does it?
Having said all that, I hope they find a way to fund at least one activity per child. It's so healthy to be active and involved in something non-detrimental. It's like forgoing the crud one could buy with coupons to have a $4/week grocery bill, in order to get healthy food and the payoff of not getting ill or diabetes down the road.
Which is one of the reasons I said no to the reality show idea...I know good and well that an editing team would focus on every single one of our family's shortcomings, and I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't handle it (and the criticism that would be sure to follow) very well.
I also thought that once they came and shot at our house, they'd decide that we are far, far too boring to make good TV!
It would have been interesting to get your - sane, frugal - insider's view on it, though.
1. As others have said, these shows are scripted to get viewership (I believe).
2. They are a waste of time.
3. Don't judge others no matter what.
Maybe I am being judgmental about saying not to judge people (I am definitely a sinner), but isn't that what Jesus preaches? I don't think He was judgmental by espousing that sentiment. I'm not trying to be cruel at all, just stating my interpretation.
I have not watched the show, in fact I had only heard of it yesterday when an article popped up in our local news paper. http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2010/nov/29/lawrence-native-shares-economic-woes-star-reality-/?city_local
I am going to try to find some clips or full episodes to watch as it has sparked my interest. But I am also going to try not to judge as I know becoming frugal from a non frugal family (my parents live above their means) is hard work and some things that I once considered necessities I now know are not.
The producers of the show are smart...they have so many people watching because they're angry. They need something to keep people tuning back in. My cousin was in an episode of Jerseylicious by chance (in the background) and she couldn't stop laughing the whole time she was on camera...she said that all of the drama was rehearsed ahead of time to ensure it would be appealing to the viewers who just want the drama.
I think the point that this show is trying to make is that prior to the recession, many people lived in ways that were not sustainable over the long term. Credit cards and higher incomes (for some) in areas of the country that were booming (like Anthem, Arizona) gave a false sense that "the sky was the limit." I think that over the course of the show, you will see this family dig in and find out how to live more simply. This weekend, my kids were home from college/first job after college for Thanksgiving. We hung out on the couch together and watched all 4 episodes. My kids were rivited, and it inspired some good discussions. We live in an area where affluence abounds, and my kids (spoiled as you might call them) had many of the extras that these kids had before they lost their home. We had a "job downsizing" here (my husband), and we have had to cut back-but because we have always lived within our means, it has been do-able even with 2 kids in college at the time of the downsizing. I think that it was great for my kids to see what can happen if you don't plan for a rainy day. My kids sometimes tease me because I have embraced frugality and clip coupons with a vengeance, but it's those habits that have enabled us to ride out the current storm, continue to save for retirement, and pay down our only debt (the mortgage) even with a reduced income. I am interested to see how the show plays out.
About WIC people need to know it is for people with much higher incomes than food stamps. It is helpful and paid for by the tax payers to make sure people do not starve their children into brain damage or birth defects before and after birth. I support it because, babies cannot work or buy food. It covers before birth and up to 5 years old. They also help breast feeding moms. It can prevent birth defects and more. Some people do not have parents alive or anyone else to help them. I support it.
This entry has made me profoundly sad. This "˜reality' TV show is very dangerous not only because it screams FAKE but because it circulates a derisive, derogatory and stereotyped view of the impact of financial crisis that has hit so many American people. It implies that people who had money and now have lost it are abusing the system, that people on financial assistance are getting enough money to spend it on non-essentials and thus deserve our contempt and judgement. This show is not about reality it is about selling a "˜product' to consumers. Yes, there are some people that abuse the system and they should be dealt with, but if we start believing that "˜a lot' of people are like in this show then we are not grasping the gravity and the reality of what is really happening to the majority of those afflicted with dire financial circumstances. That reality is not TV pretty, as it is devastating and we often forget the psychosocial impact and just focus on the material loss. People are in shock, denial and may become depressed or even suicidal over losing the family farm or the mansion they spent a lifetime working for. We seem to lack sympathy for the later though, almost as if they don't deserve it as much. Not everyone has the coping skills and resiliancy to turn a negative situation and immediately know what the right, frugal things to do are. We are human and need hope, so maybe "˜we won't sell the car' even though we should because that job interview "˜went well'! Living off of financial aid is hard and it's day to day reality is bleak, it can be also overwhelming to try get off of it. (This can be said of surviving off of an inadequate income wether we brought it upon ourselves with debt or not, trying to make a better life for ourselves and family). I have to be humble enough to at least try to view others from their point of view, because maybe I can be wrong, maybe that family is eating at McD because their power was turned off, maybe that poor kid with the name brand coat got it from a corporate donation, maybe it was a friend who drove me in her SUV to the market. If I don't do this and I get so cynical who does it help?
My fear is that these "˜reality' shows will influence some policy makers to make more cutbacks to the needy (even when so many are already denied), that some companies will downsize their charitable donations and that some individuals will think twice about putting that spare change into that charity donation box or that canned good for the food bank.
I think this financial crisis is a reality call for all of us, to get back to what is really important and also for those who have the frugal skills: to impart those values and knowledge to others as to empower them, as this blog has helped me. Thank You
Wow, best comment! I know I'm very late to this...not sure anyone will even see this comment! But I love what you have to say. And maybe, like me last year, someone is receiving unemployment (oh no! government assistance!) and is severely depressed after losing the job they had for 15 years, stopped socializing because of depression and lack of money but wants to spend the evening in starbucks drinking a fancy over priced coffee and reading a book. You don't become a robot when you lose your job! And you don't want to spend 10 hours on your couch. We NEVER, EVER know what is going on in other peoples lives. And to everyone saying people on assistance are using "my" money, they may have paid taxes at one time too. Let's give everyone the benefit of the doubt. There are times when we're tax-paying citizens, and there may be times when we need assistance. I had an iPhone before I lost my job. Should I have thrown it away when I started receiving unemployment?? Do you know how helpful it was with a job search? Just take a breath and a moment before you judge "those people."
I have read with interest the many comments to this blog. In fact, I have already commented on this particular discussion. After reading and thinking through the various comments, I've decided to post our experience. In 1980 our income was basically eliminated; it remained that way for two years. These were difficult days for us (5 of us), but we saw many miracles of provision during this time. We lived in a cold climate At the beginning of winter we put the money we had into heating oil. The tank was 1/4 full. We never had any more money to fill the tank that winter, but the oil burner kept on running all winter. We would bang our hand against the tank at different times. It always sounded empty. We ran out of gas on a country highway; an 18-wheel gas truck drove by, stopped, and filled the 2-gal. gas can my husband always carried in the car. While at the dinner table that evening my husband related the gas-truck incident to the rest of us. My 5-year-old son piped up and said, "Dad, while you were sitting there deciding what to do, I prayed and asked Jesus to send a gas truck." We planted a garden in soil that had not been dug before. Our produce from that garden was unbelievable. Three or four ears of corn one each stock; cabbages as large as watermelons; pumpkin vines that climbed the corn stocks with pumpkins hanging from the vines. My neighbor looked at the garden one day and said, "I'm jealous. What did you do?" My only response was, "I planted the garden and prayed."
Did we enjoy those two years? No, we did not. It was a luxury to have money to fill the gas tank. Was it a hard time? Yes, it was. But we never went hungry; we had a roof over our head and a means of transportation.
I've looked back on that time many times and have come up with these conclusions: 1) God is good! His promises are sure; He did provide all our needs. 2) For me personally, this difficult time was a time of "burning out of me the love of things." I'm very grateful for that.
We have never had a time since then when we have been without. But our faith in God became so strong during those days that we have endured other difficulties of greater magnitude with assurance and confidence that we can fully trust the Lord. Praise His name!
Diane, that is beautiful and I hope, one day, I will have the the strong faith in God you have.
My Mum did and it got her through terrible times
xxx
OK....I am a woman of a certain age...older and wiser each year. I haven't seen the show, but just read all the comments. My feeling is that the only person we can change is ourselves. We can lead by example, but cannot will others to live a more frugal life.
Diane, what a beautiful testament to Gods unfailing love. I have tears in my eyes. It is wonderful that though we fall so short, God remains faithful and his mercy never ends. I am so happy you posted your story. The part about your 5 year old praying made me smile and cry!! 🙂
Kristen, I share many of your thoughts on this show. I was actually cheering for the financial planner who really laid it out for them. The mom broke down, sobbing, that she needed her expensive coffee. really, did it never cross her mind that she could make it at home? I was cringing when she said they "cut back on everything they could."
I saw the first 2 episodes thus far. I think the teen boys are the most enthusiastic about helping out and cutting back. In general, the girls seem more spoiled. The mom also spend her $1,000 bonus on new clothes for the kids, when they couldn't make their rent. I hope for their sake that they learn from the process.
Kim from Philadelphia
Hi There
I Just Love your blog.
Just read your Latest rant on 'downsized' We don't have that show here in England, But Believe me, that way of life is on the up over here.
More people on benefits than ever, But the majority are able to work, they just don't want to. We have a good system here for people who know how to work it.
Like the show it's the Norm here to feel entitled to meals out, designer clothes and holidays, plus be able to smoke and drink (and in a lot of cases smoke cannabis) all on the pockets of us taxpayers. (and I do know for a fact this is true)
I naively thought The U.S. had a strict benefit system, but seems like there are people who can exploit it the same as here.
It's sad people can feel comfortable living like that. There are so many genuine cases, but sadly they are then lumped with the rotters that take advantage of an easy system.
My son has been very ill for over a year and his doctor suggested he is entitled to help, but because of the stigma etc. we decided we could manage without it, after all it is only meant to cover the necessities of life, people just get greedy.
Ooh...sorry for that rant, just a raw nerve for me,
Laura 🙂
though I haven't seen the show, thanks, Kristen, for starting such an interesting discussion. I think the mom in the show wasn't crying over giving up only her coffee...she was crying over giving up her whole self image! Love your blog, FG.
AMEN! to your thoughts ;o)
I watch this show and have to say it causes me both positive and negative emotions. On one hand I enjoy it because I like seeing people who have no clue about being frugal or budgeting learn how to be that way. In the same turn it ticks me off that the mom seems to feel entitled to certain things because she has MS.
I also have a ton of questions regarding their finances and what they used to own. Such as their investment condo,why didn't they go live there instead of letting it go into foreclosure? Where did the kids get nearly 3000 dollars to loan their parents? Did it come from child support or college savings?
As far as the benz they have(the one most think they should sell),its 15 years old,has a horrid sound when the turn on the car and drive it. I doubt they would get anything for it.
The car the oldest teen,Heather,received,came from her grandparents. It is their old car.. I do wonder though who is covering the maintenance and insurance on the car?
I do not agree with mom heading to starbucks to a tune of 145 bucks a month. Caffiene is the worst thing for those auto-immune disorders. She needs to find alternative way to "get through the day".
I did wonder how they managed to get access and food stamp benefits however upon further research and info received from the show,I understand.
What I think bothers me the most about the show isn't even the show but the folks who critize them and the show without even watching it. It bothers me that folks critize folks on welfare,access,food benefits or wic without knowing their stories. I do wonder how folks would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Let me tell you its really tough to have to live that way.
I am curious to see how this series ends.....
Oh btw folks don't make that much money on a standard reality program such as this. Not everyone is that ungodly Kate Gosselin.
Never seen this show, but thanks for the heads-up, I will avoid it at all costs 🙂 Not that it will be hard to do, we do not have cable. It is soooo frustrating to see "real" people we know doing this exact same thing but complaining about their money situation, including my own parents. Blows my mind, but in tying to not be judgemental, I just keep telling myself what is best for my family is not best for everyone else, no matter how stupid their decisions may seem (see, there goes the judgemental thing I am trying to work on....)
I do like this show but I too was horrified when I learned that the mother spends 30 bucks on coffee drinks each week. Disgusting. No ones fault but this out of control family!
This show is a reality check for me. I'm related to someone who had a very privileged life and is very wasteful, believes that only name brands work/taste the best, and has a shopping addiction that's throwing her family in turmoil. The thing is, she doesn't want my help on how to live well on less. She just wants to know where the thrift stores are so she can feed her shopping habit and buy things her kids already have (beds.) I didn't know where the stores were (we were visiting someone else) and told her that thrift shopping is still SHOPPING. I offered to help her go through her closets and teach her how to donated items to charity for a tax deduction, how to consign them, or sell them online. She said that was too much of a hassle and that throwing it away is easier. It's the same situation as these people my person knows she's in trouble but refuses to change to make her situation better. 🙁
I think the mom can sell some of her jewelery (like her Chanel earrings she has worn in several episodes....and I'm sure there is more where those came from!) to pay for things they need instead of taking the money from the kids!!
My 16yr old watch this show every week. I understand some of their choices but one thing we can't get over is why doesn't the mom change jobs. She has a masters degree and if teaching is not paying the bills why not look into a different career, if only for a while. The dad can save them money by staying home and do the cooking she's not willing to do. Which free's her up to go put in some drive time and work in the city. These children can stay home alone, that is huge in a working family. She's a little spoiled still looking for a quick fix.
I noticed that the boys and father each have about 10 different Under Armour shirts that they wear too. I wonder if UA is sponsoring them or if these people actually think they are too good to go buy some Hanes t-shirts from walmart to save some $. The whole Starbucks thing with the mother is crazy!!!! Is she serious?????????
I agree with Barb...anyone with MS should NOT have caffeine.
I do watch the show Downsized and am appalled the entire time. I know it has to do with editing...but can't those kids do something other than sit on their butts and complain? They live in a planned community with a free gym. Why don't they do volunteer work?
The dad seems like a fool..so does the mom. Why is she carrying around a designer handbag? I know she won't be able to get the price that was paid for it, but I'm sure she could get some money for it.
Why doesn't the family know how to grocery shop? Do the kids know how to do their own laundry? Why are they not helping out? Drives me crazy.
Yet, I still watch the show...mostly to yell at the tv and to be thankful that even tho I have MS...I certainly do not get upset when I have to get a brain MRI. I do what I have to do. If I cannot cook, I take food out of the freezer that I made on days when I was able to cook, and I eat that. I use my crockpot all the time. So economical.
Thanx for reading my post.
I have been following this show and can't believe the mother makes so little with a masters degree, they start teachers on Long Island with more. I am praying for them and feel they are trying to do their best, we are in hard economic times - they need to stay strong as a family. I have also noticed the under armour shirts, they could be old, bought when they had money.
Are they getting paid to make this show???
In viewing the many comments re: this tv show and without actually seeing it myself,
I am surprised (well not really) about all of the negative comments that it is creating towards the parents of this family.
really ... who are we to judge? Yes, we might be better at managing some areas but NONE of us are perfect.
All of us fall far short of the glory of God.
It's easy to get on a high horse when we are making good choices. It's also a tough landing when we fall off of that same high horse.
Here's a suggestion: Maybe we could incorporate a non-judgmental prayer directed toward this family into our comments regarding them.
God bless all!
I also watched the same episodes and came up w/ the same conclusion. Helllo what is wrong with this picture? You can afford baseball camp, cheer camp and dinners out while on every possible public assistance program? I work a full time job make less than $30,000.00 and still can't afford to send my one kid to camp and she is crying because her 10 year old had to choose between two? They use to bring in 1.5 million a year, I will probably never see that much money in my life time. Its very hard to feel bad for them. To me it's life.. not a downsizing.
I watched the show a few times and could not take it anymore, my family and I lived in a 4 bedroom 3 bath home in NV. Things got tough and we moved back to arkansas and now live in a 3 bedroom moblehome. And the 500.00 eating out a month thing with this family is crazy, my family and I are lucky to eat out at all. Everything we make a month goes to food and bills. And the mothers starbucks habit is crazy also, I buy the cheapest coffee I can fined when im shopping, this family needs to really come down to earth. WOW!!!!!
I do hear you. About a year ago my son and his family lost a four bedroom frame house to foreclosure and he lost his job. While he got another job, it is not nearly as good and they are cutting his hours already. The Cottens with three teens, five little puppies and a 68-year old grandmother live in a 39-ft travel trailer and it is a major downsize. You have limited space for clothes, personal items, dishes, and all other items. They had to get rid of furniture, dishes, household items, clothing, tools and treasurers. This is real downsize!!!
In order to qualify for food stamps their income has to be really low. In the state of VA you cannot qualify for food stamps if you have more than $2,000 in savings. $3,000 if you are elderly. They must be living on credit. The sad thing is: That they will probably default. And may never repay their credit obligations. I don't get WE tv either. So I won't be watching. Probably a good thing for me as it would be fruitless for me to yell at the tv screen.
Found your blog while I was looking for the coupon program featured on the show.
I have seen all the episodes (WeTv was a free preview channel on the dish that I hadn't sent back in yet) & I loved it.
The mother's craziness aside, I feel it was a good teaching tool for people. It showed you what true wants and needs are albeit by bad example sometimes. I also learned a lot about programs that can help me cut back even more than we already are - the coupon use and seeing a financial planner. Another program I thought was a good idea (even though my kids are much too young for it now) was when she had the kids break into teams and make supper on a budget. (Still a little upset the girls won though)
I was pretty disgusted by the majority of the comments on here. Everyone is so negative and nearly all of the commenters admit that they've barely seen as much as clips on the show's website!! Obviously the main audience for the show is not going to be the readers of this blog, as most are already comfortable in and knowledgeable in ways to save money. All the knowledge you have about what lettuce is cheapest and why pre-packaged anything is a no-no took time to learn and this family is undergoing that process, as illustrated by the show. They are making mistakes but they did go to the financial adviser and are taking his advice. Spending habits are just that, habits, and take time to break. All the kids gave up their activities, the father is interviewing for a 6 month job in another state so that he can provide for his family even when he isn't with them, and everyone in the entire family, even the youngest, has worked. They created that boot camp to raise money, the wife cleaned the house of an associate with her children to raise money (which I'm sure must have been very humbling), she started making her starbucks drinks at home, three of the children used their own money to make "goo" to sell, the yougest had a lemonade stand, one son sold his prized baseball glove to help with rent, they gave up cable entirely, and did view a cheaper house but it was taken by someone else before they could get it. The children had a competition, boys versus girls, as to who could make a meal for a family of 9 on $20 (no small feat), one of the daughters lied to her mom and said prom tickets weren't available because she knew she couldn't afford to go, the father installed a shower head that only allows 5 minute showers, and the couple went out to a romantic dinner because the husband found a coupon for a discounted entree, which they split with glasses of water. I think we could give this family some more credit. Everyone could always do more to save money and you are trying to cut back even further, just as this couple is. For a family to go from bringing home about a million a year to dumpster diving, I think they deserve more credit.
I agree with you. Americans are muct to quick to judge and not offer solutions. These comments here make me sad.
I found it hard to believe that they even qualified for assistance. I mean, sure...they do have enough people in the family to qualify, however I think that you are only allowed one vehicle per family, and it can only bluebook at so much. These cars look like they are worth more than that.
Also, I am not sure that they covered this or not,since I have only seen about three episodes. I would buy all my clothes at Walmart, or even a thrift store. Shop for staple food items and other things at dollar stores...some of their things are not bad or "low class".
I don't understand the show!!!! how can they be struggling since the obviously get many $ for showing themselves on the we tv show. Furthermore, how much does the other parents contribute to their childrens upbringing in the form of child support?
Well I just hope everyone of you know they cut all that stuff out in the next show so just calm down
I disagree with so many of you. Yes, they should cut out a lot of things to be able to afford the basics but they both work everyday and sometimes you do derserve (yes, deserve) to go out to dinner. Maybe not as often but still they should be able to go out to eat. Her jewlery was hers before this unfortunate situation happened. I would never het rid of my wedding ring nor anything my mother gave me unless we really where on the street. I see a lot of mud slinging here but unless you have walked a mile in this families shoes you really should not have an opinion. They are barely keeping their heads above water but working everyday. The Mom is a teacher which in itself is the most stressful job. It's too bad the families she has helped havent stepped up to help them. It takes a village to raise a family and they do need help. Cutting dining out once in awhile and asking her to sell off her wedding ring and family heirlooms in not fair. People do not seem to have much compassion. She drives an 18 yr. old car for goodness sakes, that is not cutting back...really? How many of you drives cars so old, raise 7 children and both people work? Compassion in these hardships is what this family needs. Not stones cast at them. The children even need to double up in rooms in this rented house, yet some of you find this a fault too. I find the comments sad. Americans are way to quick to judge but I do not see you offering to help this family.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned the mom's obvious tanning habit. You don't look like an orange oompa loompa without spending money on some form of fake tanning. Definitely NOT necessary.
Well, I have no sympathy for people like this at all. I lost my job 7 years ago and I used up most of my savings while looking for work. I came to the realization that America was in trouble and it was going to get worse, I did not foresee any employment opportunities and I did not want to run up any debt knowing full well it would be near impossible to get out of. The first thing I did was cut the TV, Telephone and internet I had a cell phone that was prepaid and I got free time for using my credit card points (which I paid off monthly).
To make a long story short, understanding my future financial situation I was willing to work anywhere in the world so... here I am in Thailand for the past 6 years with a new home (paid off), nice car and 2 motorcycles (all paid off), both of my children go to private schools and we have great health insurance, the best part of the deal is we have cash in the bank at the end of the month no matter what we do and no debt.
I think something we really need to rethink is our unshakable ideas that everything has to remain the same or the world will explode. My ancestors went to America for a better life. I left America for a better life.
Just a bit of trivia there are 5,600 Americans living in Chiang Mai Thailand retired and working so I wasn't the first one to realize the truth of the matter.
Hi! I was just watching this show for the first time, and in this episode the mom does ask her daughter to give up cheer, and the husband gives his wife ingredients to make her own gourmet coffee. He even gives her the cup with the lid and the straw! I thought that was cute. I was curious to watch it because I wanted to learn how a family deals with downsizing, and how hard it is emotionally for the mom. So far I have been enjoying the show because I see it as if the Kardashians were to downsize, so even though they are not as poor as other people, and could be doing more... it goes to show how downsizing involved physical, psychological and emotional changes and attitudes towards things and money.
So happy with this blog. I caught up with some of the episodes since my husband insisted we watch a few since it seemed pretty interesting. I completely agree with the opinions in this blog- the mother was definitely clueless.... Living on a budget with that many kids but they can somehow "justify" eating out multiple times just because you cant cook? Allrecipes.com=free cooking tips.... and gee whiz I wish I could afford a Starbucks every day and I get the MS argument but if you need the caffeine that bad, your treat of $5.00 for a can of Folgers for the week as opposed to $8.00 * 5 days a week=$40? But this is justifiable? And the cheer lessons... OH MY GOODNESS THE CHEER LESSONS! Can someone please explain to me how ALL the other kids have to give something up but this little girl gets CHEER LESSONS? I was so infuriated with this episode because in all of them I saw the kids cleaning the houses while this little girl played in the room with the other kids. How is this teaching her responsibility? Shes 10 - not 6. This episode all around just really killed me. I also had a huge problem with the beginning of the show where they interview MR Bruce and he discloses they were going through THOUSANDS of dollars a month.... and MRS Bruce had no idea.. are you kidding me?? You are spending - what 25? 50k A MONTH and you have no idea your husband is spending this kind of money on you and your army?? He has TWO kids and you have blinded yourself where you don't know how much money this guy is throwing at keeping the family (mostly you and your kids) happy? I think I had the biggest problem with this when the last episode where he is supposed to go to Missouri or whatever to go work and she HARDCORE tries to guilt trip him into not going--- UM WHAT?! He is being bombarded with the guilt trip because he is taking a job in another state because she just cant be left at home by herself with all the kids.... most of which are hers...... I just about died... A little piece of me curled into a dark corner and shriveled up and DIED.... I don't understand how a wife that literally sat back at watched the money flow until there was none can still strive so hard to be a high maintenance wife. This man is literally doing every thing in his power to keep them from living off the streets and she still wants more. Marriage is supposed to be two people being supportive of each other and from where they first portrayed the show in the first episode, to watching the very last episode - I just feel like her true colors exploded like shooting a rapid fire paintball gun against a cement wall. I'm so glad I am not the only one who feels this way about the ridiculousness of their spending habits and attitudes towards their situation. Good thing most of the kids are now on their own, but I sincerely hope they haven't acquired the sense of entitlement displayed in the show! Again... LOVED the blog!!
As a teacher, the mother should have some medical and dental benefits, probably with co-pays and deductibles, and probably an annual max. AND, Insurance cannot deny someone insurance or claim for a pre-existing condition. So, is this show fake or are they specifics that were not explained in the episodes regarding this?
Also, What kind of income are they earning from filming this show?