Sanity in the time of a pandemic
Reader Karen sent me a message on Instagram the other day asking what I am doing to maintain sanity and a grateful attitude during these difficult times.
For the record, I don't think I have this completely figured out, and I have not been unflappably cheerful this whole time.
But there are a few habits/tips that have helped me, and I thought I'd write them down in the hopes that maybe they will help you too.
First: Don't expect to feel totally cheerful all the time
(I am going to list some cheering habits after this; don't worry!)
Everyone's life has been turned upside down in some way or another, and I don't think it's fair to expect yourself to feel really fantastic about this.
For example, the extroverts among us are weary from not seeing people outside their houses. And the introverts are weary of having their housemates around all the time.
No one is getting exactly what would help them thrive.
Also, suddenly losing our routines, activities, and freedom (with no end-date to boot!) is just flat-out hard, and I think it's ok to acknowledge that. That's totally different than wallowing in our misery.
Plus, in the bigger picture, this is a really sad situation. There's serious physical and financial suffering happening out there, and we don't need to try to feel cheerful about that.
So, I think we need to give ourselves (and our housemates) some grace. This is hard, and we're all struggling in our own ways, so give yourself and your family some room to feel bummed out.
Ok!
On to some things that have helped me.
Don't think ahead. Stay in the moment.
In every long-term difficulty I've faced, I have been tempted to think, "Oh my WORD, how will I ever make it through x number of weeks/months??"
This has been helpful exactly 0/1000 times.
Thinking about a long stretch of difficulty is just so discouraging and I don't think anyone can stare that in the face and feel cheerful.
For instance, when I was pregnant and sick (I had hyperemesis all four times), I could not let myself look at the mass of upcoming day and weeks. I felt much more able to deal with the situation when I just thought about getting through one day at a time.
Focusing just on today or just this week really helps me.
Remember that most things are temporary
Full confession: I struggle to remember this!
When I hit something hard, I often assume that the hard thing is permanent and will never go away.
Sometimes, this is true, of course.
But a lot of difficulties are temporary. And even a long period of temporary is still not forever.
Our current pandemic situation is going to be a loooong temporary, yes.
Things are not going to be this locked down for the rest of our lives, though.
One day, we will be able to go to work and school, have friends over, go shopping, and travel.
Think about who you could help
Focusing on yourself and your misery will rarely help you feel better.
But helping other people will almost always make you feel better.
I can write blog content that helps people, I can help keep my girls busy, and I can reach out and check in on friends and family.
All of those things help others feel better, but they also help me feel good. A true win-win!
Focus on what you can do
There are a lot of things we can't do right now. A LOT.
So, it's easy to think about those things and then feel discouraged.
This is a pretty dis-empowering line of thinking, though, and I find that I feel a lot more powerful if I think about what I can do.
To name a few things, I can:
- help others (see above)
- take care of my body
- follow the government's directions
- pray
- feed my family
- take care of my home
If I have extra free time*, I can read, make a photo book, watch a show, write something, learn a language, do a craft, tackle a home improvement project, and so on.
*I know not everyone has more free time! I've felt a little more busy than usual in some ways, and so have lots of other people.
Keep some structure going
I don't think something super regimented is necessary, but in times of upheaval, it feels good to have some sense of normalcy.
So, I am still going to bed and getting up at the same time, and I'm making sure Sonia and Zoe are too.
(Lisey is 19 and I figure she can manage herself. 😉 )
We're still having meals at the usual times, chores are still happening, I still shower and get dressed, and so on.
I think it's possible that some people might feel all right with a structure-less life, but I'd venture to guess that more often, even a loose routine feels better than a snack-whenever, screens-all-the-time, up-all-night, sleep-all-day situation.
If the latter isn't working for you, try a little structure and routine and see if you feel better.
Look for things to appreciate
There has never been a time in my life that has been completely bereft of things to be grateful for, and that's probably true for you too.
You might have to work kind of hard to find things to be grateful for (!), but they are there.
Some examples for me:
- I am healthy and safe.
- The weather is mild.
- We're still allowed to go out and exercise.
- The girls have fun doing video calls with friends.
- We've got plenty of food to eat.
- Mr. FG can work at home, and so can I.
Make to-do lists
I don't think this will help everyone, but I had to include it because it is helping me SO MUCH.
In the evening after dinner, I try to think through what I could do the next day (productive things, things to help my kids and others, things that could help me feel good and so on).
I write them all down, and that way when I get up the next day, I immediately have a clear idea of what I could spend my time doing.
This helps my days feel much less aimless and disorganized than they would otherwise.
(Your mileage may vary! If to-do lists make you feel stabby, then skip this tip. 😉 )
Maintain healthy habits
I mentioned keeping a sleeping routine, but I'm also trying to eat well and be consistent with exercise.
These things help to keep my mental state as good as possible, and they also help to keep my body stronger, which is a boon in a pandemic.
I'm not doing anything crazy with the diet and exercise (having a quarantine glow-up is not my goal!); I'm just trying to keep moving and keep plenty of the good stuff in my diet.
___________________________
I hope these tips are helpful to you. And I'd love it if you added to my list of ideas, so:
What's helping you to maintain your sanity?
P.S. Since this is not a blog about Christianity, I didn't include a lot about my faith in this post. But as a post script, I will say that my faith helps me to not be anxious about getting sick. I know where I am going when I die, and I also believe that I will not die before the work God has for me here is done. So, that helps to calm my fears.
It was settling and calming to read your piece, Kristen. Thank you.
Staying home is not a problem for me, but we both miss the grandkids' hugs and sweetness.
We are in the vulnerable age category and my husband has other complications, so aside from an occasional walk, we are indoors or on our balcony. We have food delivered at added expense, but it is necessary now.
End of February I stopped going to volunteer at the kids' school and bought an Ipad instead of borrowing physical books from our library. Eyestrain aside, reading saves me as it always has. I love the Ipad and its versatility for Facetime, email, internet, too. It was a splurge, but I certainly do use it every day. The ebooks are free at least.
I spend time cooking, eating, reading, watching the news when I can handles it and doing the usual housework. The TV and phone are more important now, and thank goodness for email!
Mostly I am content, but I feel the kids have been cheated. Please write more of your positive entries: we need it to counterbalance! And thank you sincerely for the realistic lift you have given me.
There will be as many answers to this question as there are people who answer it, but here's what helps me:
--Being careful about the food I eat. I tend to be an emotional eater, but I know logically that it does not actually help my emotions to eat a lot of carbohydrates and sugar or drink alcohol. That doesn't mean I NEVER make some cookies or have a drink, but it helps me to make it a special treat--a cocktail on Friday night, or the dessert for our traditional Sunday dessert--because if I do it too much it makes me feel bad both mentally and physically.
--Severely limiting media coverage. I find it hard to read anything anymore without finding the political slant, which annoys me no end as all I actually want is real news and facts about what is going on, so I mostly stopped. (On a related note, if anyone has a recommendation for a relatively unbiased news source, please tell me.)
--Routine routine routine. I have four young kids and I'm trying to get three of them through the last weeks of school via distance learning (while still teaching online myself). It is IMPERATIVE that they have a routine. Otherwise I find that the math that would have taken 15 minutes at the usual after-breakfast time takes 45 minutes of whining and complaining and flopping around in the mid-afternoon.
--My husband. He's enjoying this time of being at home and getting all kinds of projects done--there are always too many projects and not enough time on a rural property--and it's nice to be around someone who's pretty upbeat and even excited all the time.
Your first sentence; yes! What works for one person will not necessarily work for another person, both because personalities vary, and also because life situations vary so much. The pandemic has affected all of us, but it has not affected all of us in exactly the same ways.
Oh! And arguably the most important one for me: my vegetable garden. For years I have found happiness and security in the spring, planting and watching my future food start to grow. In the current bizarre food climate, that security is even more pronounced when I can look out my window and see where I will be able to harvest food in a month or so, no matter what is happening in California or South America.
Kristin, sometimes it's really interesting to check out news channels from other countries and get their perspective (like BBC News). I'm with you on being so over the politically slanted news.
Getting news from another country greatly increases the chances of not understanding what their bias is.
More seriously, every one and every source has a bias. There is literally no way to be neutral. The trick, I guess, is to have a variety of sources and biases. In that vein, I offer the Media Bias chart from Ad Fontes Media. I've followed this chart for a couple of years now, and dug deeply into the author's methodology. Not only do I consider it sound, I'm impressed by her willingness to discuss her conclusions, how she reached them, and to consider alternative interpretations.
https://www.adfontesmedia.com/?v=402f03a963ba
I really like news on BBC, too. Seems much more sensible, non-politically-bent, and to-the-point than a lot of US sources. Other PBS news is less fluffy, too.
Love the P.S. Holding on to that here as well and it REALLY changes the view. 🙂
God Bless!
Same here!
We are all affected by the Covid crisis differently. Where we live, how we live, what we do for a living, our age, family size and level of financial security have an enormous impact on how this experience has touched us individually . Some of the things I do may not be helpful to others, but I hope so.
1) I go outside every single day. The weather is beautiful right now. I soak up the sunshine. I read, and I garden. We have dinner at the table on my back porch. Vitamin D is beneficial to the body and the mind.
2) I keep busy. I have been working through my project list, so I don’t become bored. I have laid sod and mulch. I have cleaned out my closet, the pantry, and the office. I have shredded papers and listed things on eBay.
3) I exercise every day with out fail. I try to walk four miles. I have done this even in the pouring rain.
4) I also have tried to maintain a routine. I get up, get dressed, eat, walk and go to sleep at the same time.
5) I tried to keep media consumption to a minimum, and I go to the most direct source for information. For example, I listen to my governor’s press conference, or I read the update on the CDC website. I do not listen to the media’s interpretation of these things - a lot is lost in translation.
6) I keep in touch with friends and family.
7) I remember this too shall pass. Nothing is forever.
Oh, this is so important! We are all in different situations and handling this all differently.
I find that I must get outside every day! We have a lovely park near our home, so I try to get out and bird with my new binoculars. I find nature calming. Unfortunately, warmer temperatures are slow to arrive here in Upstate NY this year. Local parks are crowded when we do get good weather!
I am working from home and also trying to keep a schedule. I have also gone back to doing Flylady (www.flylady.net) to give me some guidance as to what things to do each day in my home.
Lastly, I am trying to give myself and others grace.
I'm with you on the list making. I also try to do every day five small things that I consider a "positive flywheel" in sorts, that help me feel better about the current situation, taking advantage that I don't have a commute to work or any international work travel
1) Work out
2) Meditate
3) Journal, including 3 things I'm grateful for
4) List an item on eBay
5) Complete one chore I normally wouldn't (organize a drawer, work in the yard, etc)
It really helps me feel more in control of the situation, and also like there are positives. I've worked out every day since March 1st - my longest consecutive streak of my life!
I agree with all of these, especially focusing on the present and not on a future where so much is unknown. This does not mean to not plan for the future (we should be prudent)- just don’t dwell on potential problems that are not problems right now (I struggle with this one)
a short psa on masks with exhalation vents like the one pictured- consider taping over those vents if that’s the mask you have, as I believe the idea here is to prevent your (potentially virus-laden) breath from getting out.
Stephanie, I was thinking the same thing about the mask with a vent--thanks for bringing that up.
Kristen, great post! Getting outside and spending time alone have been the most helpful for me. We have had some of the health-related stress to contend with. My mom lives in an assisted living facility; she fell a couple of weeks ago and broke 2 vertebrae in her neck. While at the hospital, she was tested for Covid-19 and found to be positive. The same day we learned about that, we also learned that a man from her facility passed away from the virus. That was my toughest day. Reaching out to others for prayers and support was vital. In better news, she is doing very well and hasn't had the pulmonary effects of the virus. We were able to have a 90th birthday celebration for her last week--she is in a rehab unit and we can't see her in person, but we stood in the parking lot while she was in the window and sang happy birthday to her. It wasn't the party we had planned, but it brought cheer to her (and to us).
I am so glad your mom is doing ok!
I think there is supposed to be a filter! That's the whole point! Wow. We all had really better do some research on legitimate sites before we scare each other or pass on incorrect info!
Jen, to me that appears to be a vent/valve, not a filter. Here's a link explaining it: https://www.fastcompany.com/90496717/what-is-a-mask-valve-and-why-are-cities-banning-them
Not trying to scare anyone--personally, I am alarmed by the recommendations for people to wear masks without providing systemic, accurate information about what types of masks are best to wear as well as how to doff/don the masks without risking infection.
I am in a Covid hotbed in SE MI. We are strictly staying home. I stay pretty positive for the most part, but boredom is sneaking in after 56 days.
I am trying to be outside as much as safely possible on my patio and front porch. I like hearing birds and watching squirrels and rabbits.
I am allowing more flexibility in my food options. We are struggling finding salad stuff and meat so I am allowing AND enjoying more carbs!
I am currently STREAMED OUT... so focusing on reading, puzzles, listening to music and listening to podcasts.
I wish you well!
For anyone looking for a source of apolitical (at least I haven't noticed any politics yet) information about covid, I have been watching these YouTube videos:
https://m.youtube.com/user/MEDCRAMvideos/videos
They are created by a pulmonologist (lung doctor) who is also a lecturer for a medical school, I believe. Some of his videos are a little difficult to comprehend because he does use medical terms, but I find that they are well-researched and he tries to break it down into lay men's terms. I highly recommend the one he did about the measures he is taking in his own personal life to protect himself and his family while he is continuing to go into work and care for covid patients. He mentions things like the vitamins he takes, foods he eats, the procedures he uses to decontaminate when he comes home, and his reasonings behind all his choices.
Thank you, Kristin for continuing to be an excellent source of tips and ideas to help us all survive and, to the extent possible, thrive right now.
My husband an I watch MedCrsm videos. I find them interesting, informative and hopeful.
I think of Anne Frank and the seven others, locked in that small space for two years.
Oh my goodness, me too! We are so lucky to be able to move about freely in our houses, and at least where I live, we can go outside. And things will probably not be like this for two years for us.
I cannot even imagine what they went through!
We've been thinking of them, too!
I have the Desiderata posted in every room in my house. This comment makes me think of the line "nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune", which is what I think we are all supposed to be trying to do during the good times so that we can handle the rougher times. There are also other lines of it that help with EVERYTHING. There are also references to helping others, deciding what is important, good and evil in the world, doing what WE can TODAY, etc.....
How true! It is so inspiring to remember heroes and role models who have patiently endured trials and left a legacy for us to look up to.
I confess I am not handling it well. I didn't have much of a social life before this and this kind of killed my ability to restart that. I'm also watching my daughter deal with this pretty poorly so that makes it worse.
I've also lost a lot of respect for many people over this and I suspect the feeling is mutual.
What is helping a little is looking forward to the few things that I can look forward to like a couple of livestreams that I watch and participate in online.
Oh, I feel you on the parenting part of things. I think watching my girls having a rough time, and trying to help them through this is probably the hardest part; much worse than anything I am personally going through.
I agree as well. I'm such an introvert, the lockdown is actually enjoyable for me in a sense. But my sweet second grader misses her friends and other family members so much, it's hard for me to see that, as she tries to maintain a good attitude and stay patient. And not really having an answer when she asks how much longer things will be like this. 🙁
On the other hand though, I guess it's a good thing for kids to see that life isn't always perfect, or exactly how we want it to be, and to learn healthy ways of dealing with from their parents and loved ones. <3
Battra, you have all my sympathies at this challenging time. I wish there was something I could do, remotely, to help you out.
Hey Battra sorry to hear that but your not alone. I don't know if this helps but even people who haven't lost a loved one are grieving; grieving for a life they thought they had, grieving over perceived loss of future good things & lots of people are just afraid & people who are grieving or aren't coping can behave pretty badly. Crisis always brings out the worst & best in people. Time to think is shaking up a lot of people too so when you can't self-medicate with busyness reality can be quite a shock. I don't know what or why those in your world have let you down but I know someone who does & that's who I'm taking it to & it's really starting to help me. And turn off the bad news for a bit & watch happy stories for a bit. For your daughter I have these ideas - make an enormous tent out of all the furniture in a room with & blankets/towels & 'go camping', put on silly eighties music videos & you & your wife dance with her, make dress ups, write letters with stickers & draw pictures to post to people, garden with her, make a bubble bath with shampoo - makes TONS of bubbles - & then run one for you. Hope this helps.
I love reading through these comments. I'll take any help in coming up with ideas to spend this time well, as none of us know how long it will last.
How I have been keeping sane:
1. Getting outside, multiple times a day, when possible. Soemtimes it's only to take trash or recycling out, but I linger for a few minutes, and somtimes I water the 35,207 plants my husband has planted over the last month or so (his coping strategy), but mostly I run.
2. Once a week me and the kids get in the car with a bundle of deliveries and drop pictures off on doorsteps/sidewalks/mailboxes of friends' homes. We don't see anyone in the process, but it is so nice to do something for other people. The kids think that pretending to be a postperson is pretty awesome.
3. Celebrating every silly holiday the kids imagine. (example: a birthday party for 2 baby dolls complete with candles and ice cream). It's fun to be silly and creative.
4. Taking time to be alone every day. This was a lot easier before quarantine, but I'm trying to spend at least 30 minutes everyday without too many interruptions from the kids to think and recharge a bit. I usually spend that time praying
Reading you #2 made me smile
*your*
I think that today is Star Wars Day. That might be fun yo celebrate with kids.
If you want to formalize your celebrations, look up the date on wikipedia and pick a birth, death, or event to acknowledge. Choose one that interests you, or pick a number ahead of time, and count down the list to recognize that whatever-it-is that your count lands on.
Look up George Mahood's book "Every Day is a Holiday"...for a year, he celebrated a documented holiday. Every. single. day. Hilarious and inspirational!
Hilarious! I'll have to check it out!
Thank you for your P.S. Note. God is the key!
I think that one of the things as others have mentioned is to keep a routine as much as possible. As farmers our lives haven't changed really, we are trying to get our crops into the ground. But we have experienced losses as well with lower grain markets and fellow farmers are having to dump milk and kill livestock prematurely because of closed processing plants. Thanks Frugal Girl for helping us to rethink our pantries!
I wanted to affirm the idea that although we are in this lockdown together, it does look different, depending on the situation. It took me a couple of weeks to settle into our routine and realize I was not going to have all the extra "free" time that many other people are experiencing. Working out the technology for 5 children to do online learning and help them with the actual learning, providing resources for the classes I teach (Science for 1st and 2nd graders), limited trips to the store and grocery shopping and cooking with sometimes limited resources, etc.... my days are not as leisurely as some. 🙂 Now that we are in a better routine and I have chosen to see the good in what I get to do during this time, things are much better. And, like others, I am trying to take care of myself. A few weeks of added meals/carbohydrate treats have definitely not helped me feel well! I am now walking more and striving to resist those extra treats that I don't usually have on a daily basis but are now more available since I am doing more baking 🙂
I see a huge difference in the lockdown lives of parents as compared to non-parents. The former seem to be busier, the latter less busy.
Thanks to reader Karen for planting the seed for this post and to you, Kristen, for sharing how you are handling life right now. Wonderfully inspiring ideas from you and everyone. Ironically, one of the things I've done is to ease up on my often extreme frugalness and zero-waste minimalism in order to have more comfort and joy during these times. This includes being OK with spending more on groceries and household items (and more accepting of the temporary need for packaging) and loosening the purse strings for those things that make being homebound more pleasant.
I'm a social distancing champ. My kids and my mom are really struggling, but this hasn't been that hard for me. I am super busy with work so that is probably helping. I have been enjoying the bonus time with my kids and my husband and struggling with my mother who is 85 and doesn't want to stay home. I have been trying to stay in the moment too. I am worried about whether 2 of my kids will get to go to college in the fall and what the summer will look like for them, but mostly I can only just wait and see, so I am trying not to dwell on either.
I think about the nursing home residents who are confined to a room and here I have my whole house and yard-so my situation isn’t that bad. I have gotten so much satisfaction from checking off projects I’ve had on my “to-do” lists for months and even years. Not getting to physically attend my church has been the most difficult thing.
My list looks very similar to yours! I've thought often about recent studies that have been done that show that the best way to feel happiness is not to chase happiness itself (aka, a lighthearted state of mind), but rather to pursue a sense of purpose. So, for me, that's been looking like a lot of to-do lists too, as well as actively looking for ways to help other people, spend quality time with my family, and so on. I also try to be very conscious about how much media and newsfeeds I consume--yes, I know it's important to be informed, but it's also an extremely quick way to feel anxious, depressed, and helpless. So I make sure that I balance that information with spending an equal or greater time in scriptures, inspiring content, or even just fun, escapist reads. It really makes such a big difference!
Some days are still hard though, and that's okay. I'm learning to just take them in stride and tell myself--like you do--that they aren't going to last forever.
I love this post and the comments.
The first two weeks we stayed home, I didn't watch online church, because I didn't think it would uplift me, but rather make me sad that I was missing church. But I finally took the plunge, and what do you know, I am glad I did. I've watched it every Sunday since. I'm also committed to reading the book of James 100 times this year, and this has helped me catch up to speed on my reading, because I started a few weeks late, in February. That part in James about withstanding trials and building endurance really hits home.
Projects! I never have enough time for them normally, but being home and able to step away from my work computer now and then, plus no commute time, has allowed me to do some projects I wanted and needed to do. I didn't get them all, but I feel really good about what I've done. (We have returned to work as of this week)
I also let go of my frugal streak a bit -- instead of hanging on to some things in my reorganization projects for a yard sale later, I just donated them. The uncluttered closet/room/whatever was worth it.
Finding alone time. As an introvert, I had to find some alone time, something I normally got on my commute. It helped me decompress to sit with a book or magazine at night, after my husband was asleep.
And as many have found, getting outdoors. I made some time several times a day to go outside and water plants, monitor vegetable starts, play with the dog, anything. Even my husband would get on his scooter and just go out and ride around in the sun.
I love the book of James, too, and found a free online class through Dallas Theological Seminary that explores the book in depth. I’m loving it. It’s just a video of the class (with students), followed by optional reading which has been awesome. I highly recommend it. They offer free classes in other books of the Bible too.
Like you, I try to stay in the moment and not dwell on the many, many MANY unknowns in the future. When I start walking down that path, I find myself overwhelmed. So whenever possible, I try to pull myself back to how I can make the most out of my life, as it is right now. I have two kids under the age of 10 and a husband at home with me and I keep coming back to how lucky we are to have this opportunity to be together for this length of time. I get to hear my girls play together all day and I don't miss any of their laughter. Normally, they'd be at school or we'd be at work. We are lucky enough to have jobs and safe home to live in. Seeing them as students at home has given me a new appreciation for their work ethics and how bright and curious they are. None of it is perfect but our lives are simpler now and that has helped me get through it. Also, easing up on some of the things that I try to be diligent about that is sometimes harder (even though it's better). I try not to dwell on the extra bags that the groceries are delivered in or the paper towels my husband uses. Right now, it's just the way it is and we'll get back normal one day. Gretchen Rubin suggested letting the little things go so I try to do that too. Again, not always easy and I'm not perfect with it but it helps my sanity and my family's.
I made the mistake of dwelling on the future this week. We checked in with our pediatrician to ask his recommendations for our new normal since our son's airways are compromised, and the conversation was sobering. I let myself get hung up on the future, and it made last week so difficult. Thankfully several people reminded me to take advantage of the present and let tomorrow take care of itself. So today I'm enjoying my kids playing together with a tape measure in the sun.
Kaitlin, that's really tough - I feel for you, Mama. I find it especially hard not worry about the future when it comes to my kids. Wishing you and your son healthy, happy days. It's so nice to hear your family is able to enjoy the simple things.
Yes, I feel you on the future unknowns. I can start thinking, "How will we ever get Sonia her learner's permit? How will she take a placement test for college classes? How will she be able to get a job?" and man, I'm just borrowing trouble and trying to answer questions that no one can answer.
Giving myself permission to play. Being silly is wonderful!
What makes a world of difference for my mental health is that I can still work outside of the house! I'm in a hospital, in close contact with patients, what all the PPE issues, so it's not always rainbows and roses, and there's more anxiety there, but at least I get to socialize with collegues every day.
Also, just trying to keep good habits in general (execice, sleep schedule, less junk food, less screen time, etc).
The thing I HAVE to start doing, to save my sanity/lower my anxiety is to stop reading the news so much. I still need to keep informed since I'm a healthcare worker, but maybe twice a week would be enough instead of 10 times a day!
My kids are starting school again on may 11th after being off for the last 2 months, so this will also bring a much needed sense of normalcy for them.
As for extended family, we "visit" every week via Zoom and we play cards online.
I can't say that I miss much right now (I'm a total introvert), and if it wasn't for the fact that people are getting really sick/dying right now, I'm not in a rush for everything to go back to normal, a.k.a crazy schedules with the kids, higher stress level in general, etc.
"My kids are starting school again on may 11th after being off for the last 2 months,"
Ouch! That must have been really rough.
Oh! I didn't know any schools were going to re-open this spring! It must be hard to know what to do, in that case. Here, they are closed until August, and will decide then what to do.
I live in Quebec, Canada. We are the first and only province to reopen schools now, and we are also the province with the most cases, so go figure....
The kids will have to do social distancing at school, it will be smaller groups, and sending them back is not mandatory. We decided to send them back and hoping we are making the right choice...
I thought of a couple of other things that have been helpful to me. I colored my hair and most days I put on a touch of makeup. Looking at that haggard woman in the mirror wasn't helping my frame of mind! Also I downloaded the Libby app which allows me to virtually check out library books. I'm a voracious reader and prefer to read the "real" book instead of one on my phone, but this is way better than no access to new books at all.
1. Some days I handle everything well and some days I feel sad listening to the news. I try to limit myself to listening to the news to once a day, I need to know what is happening.
2. We (husband and college-age) go for a walk most evenings. There is a walking loop at a nearby park. We walk there and back. We also have great conversations on the walk. The last two weekends we went to a nearby state parks for a longer hike, they are open for day use only here. The beautiful weather and scenery was good for body and soul.
3. There is some good free entertainment on TV/streaming. Andrew Lloyd Weber has a different musical each weekend. The play is only good for 48 hours each weekend. We have only seen one, but it was fantastic. I made a special dinner for our dinner and theater night. CBS is having Sunday night at the movies in the month of May. We had a pizza and movie night. There are some great movies playing.
4. I am trying to learn some new things on videos. King Arthur flour offers quarantine baking shows every Friday. Sometimes, they go over my head, but I am learning something new. I also found some you tube videos to help with this summer's garden.
5. I am trying new things in the kitchen. It helps to get out of the ordinary.
4.
This is very timely for me. Usually I'm doing OK but today things really backed up on me. I may take tomorrow off from work, which feels like ridiculous but maybe it'll help.
Keeping Things Normal and Active, Chez WilliamB:
- Keep a regular schedule. It's not quite the regular schedule I had before, but it's regular. Bed by midnight, at desk by 7:15, dinner at the dinner table at 6 or 6:30, etc.
- Adapt to the fact that I need more sleep than I did before.
- Get outside almost every day. Sitting in the sun reading Facebook counts. Thanks to FG for emphasizing this a few months ago.
- Exercise. I'm actually getting a lot more exercise than I was before, thanks to the Nintendo Switch Ring Fit I got a few months ago.
- Focusing on this day and not this year. This is exceedingly hard for me because my usual coping method is to imagine a negative outcome, then plan how to handle it, mitigate it, or avoid it.
- Maintain a balanced diet. This is dull and generally tedious. I have to remind myself that if I make something junky I *will* eat it and eating a loaf of challah or a dozen scoops of chocolate chip cookie dough doesn't make me feel better and I'll be pissed at myself if I outgrow my clothes (I loathe clothes shopping). I have to remind myself of this frequently, as I see the pix of the breads and desserts that many of my friends are making.
- Remind myself of my advantages: a house with a backyard. A dog to walk. Space for us to work separately. A deep freezer. No underlying heath conditions. My library shelves are all arranged properly and dusted (this was done just a couple of months ago; before that, the room was a disaster). A secure income. More books to read than I possibly could, even if I weren't working from home. Even the smaller things, like having a decorator make some changes and rehang some art literally a couple of weeks before lockdown. I'm usually honestly thankful for these and other advantages.
John 8:55 (this is meant with love and grace):
And ye know him not; but I know him; and if I said, I know him not, I should be like you, a liar. But I know him, and I keep his word.
This is what is helping me - I should add that I don't have kids and am not currently working (although am still receiving income) so am in a fortunate position!
1) As many have said, I ensure I go outside every day for a walk, rain or shine. I am immensely lucky to have a stretch of field close by.
2) I try and do a yoga video every day and, luckily, my teacher is giving classes on zoom so I do that once a week as well.
3) I usually start and finish off the day by reading for an hour.
4) I watch an episode of something fun (usually Gilmore Girls or Golden Girls lol) and often a film after dinner (again, something fun!)
5) I'm trying to use this time to learn more cooking skills, and also learn how to sew. I haven't got round sewing yet. I'm not beating myself up over it but would be glad if I learnt a little!
6) I try to call at least one friend once a week or skype.
7) I've found some virtual quizzes online, which are done as a livestream, which are really fun!
8) As many have said, I'm trying to take this day by day. I give myself a loose timetable and stick to it, and so far it's helping. I'm supposed to move overseas in autumn but am trying not to worry about that!
1. Singing along to eighties songs on the radio
2. Finding ways to bring humour to work - & I have colleagues good at this too, one pops around every now & then with a silly story or pic on her cell phone or in a frustrating moment comes up with a comical slant that has people in stitches, colleagues who sometimes feel a bit more like siblings helps too - so grateful for them
3. Honest debrief with a couple of workmates
4. DVD's with my sis
5. Chocolate
6. Freshly laundered flannelette sheets
7. reading my Bible more & talking & listening to God more
Such helpful suggestions! The only thing I can think of adding is to savor humorous moments. While happily preparing for a much anticipated trip to the grocery store, I got fancy and dabbed on pretty lipstick. Really?!?! FACE MASKS ARE NOT COMPATIBLE WITH LIPSTICK!
Two weeks later, I did it again
Haha, this is something Sonia would do!
Put the lipstick on the outside of the mask and you will put smiles on the faces of those who see you. But make sure to paint on a smile!!
It's hard for me to admit, but I am really struggling with all of this. I own an essential business and my office is in the house; I have had more work than normal trying to keep our business running. With my son home for the rest of the school year and the required "distance learning", I am back and forth between work and homeschool monitoring all day. My kiddo is super down hearted and I don't have the time I'd like to devote to his schooling or just his desire for attention through this difficult time. Overwhelmed is an understatement. I feel like I'm failing my kid. That being said, I try to give thanks each day for every blessing we do have through all this and know that this too shall pass. It helps to hear where you all are coming from as well. Thanks for the positive posts, Kristen!
Oh Steph, you are SO not alone. Parenting in this pandemic is really hard; there's all the practical stuff you have to manage, like distance learning, and then there's the emotional kid stuff to deal with.
I don't think I'd be too overwhelmed if I was just managing me and my feelings, but trying to help my girls through this is hard and I never know if I am doing the right thing or not.
Anyway. It's ok to say this is hard. <3 Lots of us are right there with you.
Thank you. It does help to know that I'm not alone in not knowing the right way to handle this sometimes.
I really think all of us parents are floundering. I mean, we have never lived through a pandemic ourselves, much less tried to shepherd our children through one!
No one has experience on their side in this situation.
So, hugs to you. <3 We're all just doing our best to get through this.
Wow, you are so right. I am learning a lot about myself and how to persevere through all this. Our kids know they are loved and perhaps they are learning that life isn't always predictable or controllable but we can choose how to respond. This lightens my heart. Hugs to you too, Kristen!
Some days good days other are bad.
I am still working so not much free time but I find a quick walk or music to be helpful, or play with the dogs. Also coloring is fun.
I did find bread flour so yay!
Lot of texting & Facetime.
I am hoping the weather this Friday will be cold and yucky so I can go pick up my garden plants. I think most peeps will not go out if yucky.
It is nice to see lawn mowing service companies out. The smell of grass and faint hum of mower.
My day has been washer stuck on 22 minutes, bread machine dough bar won't move, microwave door won't open and sewing machine breaks thread or loops above the needle. (sigh)
Does anyone else just use Kitchen-aid to knead dough? I can't knead by hand.
Oh and dog chewed his leash in half so a working sewing machine would be helpful! Lol...
Oh, that sounds like such a day of frustrations. Those little things really add up.
Hurt my back in late January and have been at home since then, except for a few medical visits. In early March, the second day I was physically able to return to my office for work, they announced the institution was closing during the shutdown, so back home again. I am normally an optimistic person, but also being highly sensitive and empathic, this situation has gotten to me many times, especially when I think about the people who lost loved ones, jobs, can't get food, shelter, etc.
I have been doing the following which has helped:
1. Remember to be grateful that I am still working, and my husband and I live a simple life, so I can afford to do the second item on my list while I have a job.
2. Donated to causes helping others.
3. Keeping in touch regularly with friends and family.
4. Meditate and sit with the bad feelings when they show up. Avoiding them never works. A really good book on this is Pema Chodron's "Welcoming the Unwelcome."
5. Avoiding the news with a brief check in once a week just to know what I really need to.
6. Eating well and allowing room for good dark chocolate in my diet.
7. Sunning myself for vitamin D, or supplementing with it, works wonders for my mood.
8. Literally taking stock of what we have on hand, realizing what we really need, and knowing we have enough. Keeps me from getting sucked into a panicked hoarding mindset.
9. Listening to sleep stories at night on the Calm app. Very relaxing and helps me fall asleep faster.
10. Doing calming breathwork like the 4-7-8 breath twice a day.