Q&A | Frugality with a houseful of little kids
I assume that the way things get done and the amount of time you have to spend on things change as your family grows and kids get older. Has your "frugalness" changed a lot since your kids were little and you had babies around the house? I know you were still frugal, but did it look different? Did you make your own yogurt when you had little little kids?
Just curious what your thoughts are looking back on that life stage.
1) what frugal things did you do that you have currently stopped doing
2) what frugal things do you wish you had done?
3) what current frugal practices do you do that would have been impossible to do with little kiddos.
Another side question....with all of the containers you send to work/school, doesn't it accumulate a ton of dishes? Is that ever hard to keep up with?
Heather
I'll answer the second question first! Since I have a dishwasher, the lunch containers don't feel like a big deal. They're almost all dishwasher-safe, so it takes a minimum amount of effort to wash them.
We do hand-wash plastic lids, as they seem prone to cracking in the dishwasher, but they really only take a few minutes to wash so it's never seemed like a big deal to me.
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About frugality and the small-kids stage: Yes, my life has changed some over the years as my kids have gone through different stages, but interestingly enough, I don't find that I actually have more time to do frugal things now than I did when my kids were all little.
(2006. Zoe's the white lump on my chest. 😉 )
The thing is, small kids and big kids are both harder in some ways and easier in some ways.
For instance, small kids do require a lot of hands-on attention while they're awake, but then again, there are naps and early bedtimes. Older kids are always awake. 🙂
And I spent a lot of time changing diapers and wiping faces and giving baths when my kids were little, but now that those tasks are gone, there are things like homeschooling, driving them to activities, teaching them to drive (!), helping them get jobs, taking them to jobs and so on.
(I actually used to be able to stay home a lot more when my kids were littler, which made me more able to cook, sew, bake, and so on.)
Anyway, thus far, I haven't found that any particular stage of parenting leaves you with oodles of time on your hands. 😉
Another complicating factor is that as my kids have gotten older, I've felt like I have a little less time, and a little more money (when they were small, I had more time than money, largely because the money was in such short supply!).
(Zoe and Sonia, 2008. Also, energetic cousin in the background.)
To answer your questions:
1) What frugal things did you do that you have currently stopped doing?
I no longer do coupon shopping, which I used to do in the days when there were doubled $1 coupons (now that I have Aldi, I don't need to do couponing!)
And I don't spend time chasing the drugstore deals, because it takes too much time.
I don't line-dry laundry because I discovered I hated it.
2) What frugal things do you wish you had done?
I'm not sure I can think of much, aside from wishing I'd worked harder on my food-wasting habits. We kept our spending pretty darn low in those years because we had to, and I'm not sure we could have been a whole lot more frugal than we were!
I do wish we'd been able to start focusing on retirement savings earlier than we did, but there's not much we could have done about that because it's not our spending that kept us from saving; it was our lack of income.
And until our efforts to increase our income became fruitful, we just couldn't do much toward retirement.
(Here are the things I tell myself when I'm discouraged about that, though.)
3) What current frugal practices do you do that would have been impossible to do with little kiddos?
You know, the first thing that comes to mind is that blogging would have been hard to keep up with when they all were small! Doing frugal things without blogging about them is a lot less time consuming. 😉
As I've been mulling over your questions, I've been thinking about how comparing one person's frugal living with another's could be helpful, but could also be barking up the wrong tree.
I was super frugal even when my kids were little, but it's partly because it's who I am, and also because I either had to be frugal or go into debt. When those are your choices, then you place a pretty high premium on money-saving activities and you find time to make them happen.
But if you are in a situation where finances aren't quite that tight, and you don't need to squeeze every last drop out of each penny, that's ok too! Living on an extremely tight budget because you have to isn't exactly fun, and if you can afford to not exercise black-belt frugality in some areas, it's ok to do that (especially if you feel like that's saving your sanity as you mother small kids.)
(2009)
So, rather than asking yourself, "Am I keeping up with what Kristen did when her kids were little?", I think a better question is, "Am I making choices with my time and money that are good for my situation in life, that reflect my priorities, and that serve my family?"
The right time and money choices can vary SO widely from family to family and from life stage to life stage, you know?
Try to figure out what's best in your life with the money, time, and skills you've been given, and don't sweat it if what's best for you doesn't look like what's best for everyone else. 🙂
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Readers, I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this, especially those of you who've experienced both small-kid-parenting and big-kid-parenting!Save
I wish I had saved more. I have always suffered with depression and never thought I would live this long. So I didn't save. Now I am my mother's carer and she receives more pension than I do. MY twilight years may be very bleak.
So please set up a regular saving fund. If you are so broke, and I know about that, even a dollar will help.
Good luck and God bless.
My life has changed between little kids and big kids. When I had babies and toddlers, I worked full time at a big job and they went to child care. I travelled for work, I made all their baby food, grew a small vegetable garden, made my own yogurt and bread, shopped the same way I do now. Now I have big kids and I stay at home. Making yogurt has fallen by the wayside. I find I have less time because now I have soccer, CCD, birthday parties, play dates, and all the kid things that take up my weekends.
Also, I also pack my husbands lunch every day and the dishes do. Other me sometimes, but he works downtown, so I know every time I was the containers we have saved at least $15.
I'm so glad someone asked this; it's been a question of mine too! I have 5 kids (almost 8, 6, 3, 2, 5 months) and life is FULL. I used to cloth diaper exclusively; now I only CD the baby (and have disposables on hand for the days I can't!). I used to make a lot more things from scratch but now I have to give myself grace and do things like plan for a weekly chicken nugget/boxed Mac n cheese night. My kids like these best anyhow
Thank you for the reminder that what is frugal/good decisions for you is not necessarily for everyone. Comparison is a hard thing to avoid, but robs the joy of living life the best we can.
No kids here but your comments about Aldi and drug stores are spot on. I think the shopping world has and is changing and that affects all of us. I still load some online coupons to my loyalty cards but I find I do way better at Aldi and the newest addition to the grocery game (at least in my area) the grocery outlets which offer deeply discounted items near or just past their expiration dates. Love, love, loves these stores! Which mostly didn't exist just a few years ago.
Grocery outlets sound so intriguing! I don't have one near me, but I'd totally check it out if we had one.
Kristen,
As usual, you have a grace-filled answer. Like you, our income went up as the kids grew up, so the activities we do have shifted. Like you, we now value the quality of the food more than the cheapness of the food. Not only are our (everyones) personal circumstances always changing but so is the world view.
Kristen - I just wanted to say that your blog is a breath of fresh air when it comes to the realm of frugal and money saving blogs! It's nice to come here and simply read what you do. What I love most about your blog is that you talk to us like we're friends about what you're doing...and then ENCOURAGE us to evaluate our lives and make decisions based off of that. It's refreshing to come here and not see titles like, "10 things you MUST do to be frugal", "How to have a successful day"...you get my drift. Your humbleness is wonderful and I am so thankful that I have your blog to come to each morning before starting my day!
Aww, thank you. That is so encouraging to hear!
I too, love your "realness" and must say I totally enjoy seeing your children as they grow : )
I do wonder how our money-saving attempts will change once we start a family! I'm always amazed that moms are able to accomplish so many frugal tasks while running a household and wrangling kiddos!
But I think if you're a naturally frugal person it all just falls into place. It's all about doing what's right for you at the time in a way that makes sense for your family and finances.
A mom does a lot of things all day, whether frugal or not. Grocery shopping is basically the same, timewise, but very different in the choices made during that time. I left the kids at home when shopping because it is hard to handle three small boys and do math. Lol. Cleaning the house can be done frugally, with little additional effort. The list goes on. Some things seem more time consuming than they are. I can mend a busted seam in a few minutes. It would take me at least 30 minutes to get to the store, find a replacement item, try it on, buy it and come home.
My wife just makes dear old Dad (aka me) do a lot of the grocery shopping. It's fine for me as I work near all the grocery stores.
I love how every person sets up what works for them. I love grocery shopping so my husband can't have it. 😉
I'm in the one small kid stage and the differences between now and a year or two ago are staggering at times.
- I rarely make yogurt anymore, mostly because I decided I'd rather eat cottage cheese at lunch.
- We don't coupon constantly. Aldi and similar stores usually have what we need for cheap prices but we do still stack coupons and stuff at times. I just no longer have a six month supply of mustard in my house.
- Time is definitely limited but that's more that I don't have "me" time. I rarely get to watch a movie without interruptions. So in generally we've had a solid decrease in TV-time which is definitely a plus. It also made cutting the cable that much easier (my wife really hated this at first but we adjusted quickly enough.)
As others have said, your answer is so wise and graceful.
I'm not gonna lie...My kiddo is 9 months old and I'm eating out 3 to 4 times per week on a good week. Sometimes, I eat out every day, because I'd rather eat garbage and have more time with my baby. It's a terrible habit fueled by a terrible rationale, and I know we should break it. I keep thinking that each week will be "the week" that we get back on track. Speaking of which, it's Monday! Maybe this will be the week... 🙂
Probably you have already thought of this but maybe make big batches of things so they don't take up time once you consider cost per meal. It's the same amount of time to cook a big batch of rice or roast a bunch of chicken.
It may be easier if you don't think of it as an all or nothing proposition. So if the idea of "OMG I can't ever eat out again and if I do, I fail!" creates a barrier to you, instead work on eating at home ... say, twice a week. The FG has posted about this sort of gradualism.
Good answers, all!
I noticed a difference in my frugal habits simply going from one laid-back child, content to play with her toys in the room where I worked, to having one laid-back child and one high-maintenance child who refused to entertain herself or be entertained by her sibling, and demanded to be at Mama's elbow or on Mama's hip all day. Because of finances, I used to make all our bread products, cloth diapered, hung out all my laundry, made all the baby food, etc., and some of that was impossible to continue with the Drama Queen child, especially after I had to go back to work when the youngest was under a year, again due to finances.
I seemed to have no more time as they grew older -- school, dance classes, gymnastics, cheerleading, Student Council meetings, yearbook staff, band -- it seemed I was always driving, attending, or assisting with something, and I worked full-time. On the other hand, they helped me with laundry and housework, but I definitely let some frugal practices slide, especially as we weren't quite as tight on finances as when the kids were very young, although we still pinched pennies a good bit. I've gotten a lot more frugal again, now that we are empty-nesters on one small income, than I used to be. My life cycles and frugal habits just keep changing.
We have limited the activities per child to 1 if child is at kindergarten (up to age 6), and 2 during primary school (up to age 12), and they have to be different activities (they cannot both be sports, for instance), and within 10 minutes driving time, preferably by bicycle. I show them the options within that range and they can pick; I don't even show them the other options.
The children are also in their bedroom by eight, and I don't want to see them again until the next morning. I need this time for me, for dh, for admin, for next-day preperation.
Siebrie
When my children were small I did all of the frugal things I could-out of necessity. We were on a very limited income at times and every little bit helped. As the kids got older (and income increased) we definitely have let some of the practices slide. And now as empty nesters, I find myself coming back to frugality more as a hobby than anything else. I enjoy cooking from scratch again, hanging my clothes to dry, etc....We are fine financially now, but there is a certain joy I still get in a decreased utility bill!
I am in the same place as you. When my son started Kindergarten I started working at his school (30 hours a week plus 30 minutes for lunch) I was frugal because I had to be--really it wasn't that hard because it is part of who I am--even as a child. Now he is grown and married and it is just my sweet husband and myself and I am nearing the end of my career--at the same job. I have found that I am even more "frugal-er"now than I was back when he was at home. I love the thrill of seeing how low I can get a bill or grocery trip, cooking from scratch, making my own cleaners, etc. All the while making sure to enjoy life even it may cost us a few dollars. I'm a firm believer that comparison is the thief of Joy -and that my frugal may or may not work for someone else. It's all about what works for you and your family.
I love reading your blog Kristen, because it is is real AND I thoroughly enjoy the comments section and seeing how everyone else does things.
My mother-in-law is a wonderful woman and is kind of like Super Mom. She taught me how to can and even though I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 3 month old, I had high hopes for canning from my garden this year even though my baby was due at the end of July. It was helpful to hear that my MIL hardly did any canning when her kids were little and that she once even threw out a 5 gallon bucket of green beans because it was just too much to handle at the time. I was shocked, but really appreciate her telling me that and the grace it has allowed me to give myself these last few months. And to know that frugality looks different in different seasons of life.
We have been in the empty nest stage for several years now. Frugality has changed with every stage of life, from frugality out of necessity in the early years of marriage and child-rearing to not having to sweat it if we had to grab fast food on the way to an activity. Even though our income increased through the years I still employed a lot of frugal actions as needed or time permitting. Now my husband is retired due to a physical disability and I only work part-time due to physical issues. Frugality in the early years allows us to still live comfortably today. I would say that I again have swung back to a more frugal mentality, first, because we don't really need a lot, and second, to insure we continue to live well.
So wise! So so wise!
My two favorite sentences in this post are: "I haven’t found that any particular stage of parenting leaves you with oodles of time on your hands," and "Small kids and big kids are both harder in some ways and easier in some ways."
I think both of those statements speak volumes!
I so loved this line: "Doing frugal things without blogging about them is a lot less time consuming." What we save in $$ we lose in time spent telling everyone about it...at least until the blog brings in income, right? 🙂
Currently I have time but no energy with the lousy sleeping 22-month-old, so there's that.
My income level has changed many times over the years. Saving money is great but I realize in hindsight that making frugal choices the entire time would have been beneficial the whole entire journey. The children are 28 ( special needs) , 21, and 18. I have 2 in college and these children cost money no matter what age they are. I still coupon. I love Aldi but there are many things I can pick up for free or close to free by couponing. Every store that exists in our town is all on one strip, so stopping in is not an issue. I have lots of time and little money. We also have salvage stores and each item is 1.00 . I buy many high dollar items there and save tons of money. I recently bought a ton of cold medicine etc to carry us into the winter season when we get sick. Mucinex, cough drops, Cloraseptic and lots of goodies well worth the dollar charge. My biggest regret I now have is for over indulging my children when they were younger . Starbucks and other ridicules expenditures like 200.00 satellite bills. Money and children are a challenge and there will never be enough time in life. Finding balance is a lifelong chore. The earlier learned the better the results.
What an interesting question! I don't have children yet, but for a long time I was in training for my current career and made little money so had to be careful with my finances. A couple of years ago I finally finished the training part and my income jumped more than 3x what it used to be; it took me a while to realize that at this stage of my life, my time is now more valuable than it used to be and I need to factor that in when I make decisions. That said, I still cook most of our meals at home because I enjoy it, it's healthier, and it's one of the ways I show love to my husband, so I'm happy to spend that time.
I have two, soon to be 3 little ones all within 21 months, and the idea of not having any more time for the next 20 years is daunting. I don't mind being busy or crashing hard at the end of the day, but I'm exhausted now, mostly because I get hardly any alone time. As kids age do you find yourself getting more alone time or time when your not needed?
It sure can feel daunting, but even though I stayed busy as the kids got older, I found I could be alone with myself a little more than when they were small. When they get older, they don't need constant attention to do their homework/chores/practice/visit friends, etc. As an introvert, I cherished those moments alone. And as Kristen has noted in a previous post, train the kids, starting young, to help you with the chores, and your own workload will start to lessen sooner than you think. By the time my kids were in high school and were driving, they saved me so much time by helping with the house, running errands, driving themselves to school and other places, doing their own laundry, taking a pet to the vet, picking up a few groceries, etc. I really missed that when they moved out!
I do think it's a bit easier to get alone time as your kids get older, so don't be too discouraged! There will be upsides to each stage your kids go through, and it IS easier to leave them as they get bigger.
Can you use nap time as alone time now? Or can you carve out some time for yourself after your small ones go to bed?
I just got afternoon naps mostly synced this week, so now I'm getting 30 minutes of quiet, productive (or not so productive depending on the day.) What a world of difference in my energy! Hopefully it will last. We're bringing a special-needs child into our home in the spring. He is between my two kids by chronological age but developmentally an infant, so we'll see how he changes things. I really don't mind being busy. I just need a few minutes of alone time to recharge!
Oh, good for you! Synced nap times are magical. 😉
Reading the comments has reaffirmed for me the idea that everything is in constant flux. Sometimes you have to be super frugal to survive or reach a certain goal and sometimes you can ease up a bit and enjoy a few things you may have had to abstain from. I have a just turned four year old and 18 month old twins, all of whom are home with me during the day. Mostly I feel like all I do is make food, feed food and clean up food! It is tempting to spend all my time doing housework, and while I like a picked up home, it's just too much to ask of me. I need to have a few hours doing something that brings me some joy; usually a crochet project reading a book or watching a show with my husband. I also think it's important for kids to see you have those moments and to have experiences with them outside of the domestic realm. We go to as many free events as possible and some days we spend hours at the park. I find that more valuable than clipping coupons or always having a sparkling house.
This isn't really a frugal comment but a thank you from a mom with 4 kids from 12-18. I have a hard time explaining myself when mom's of younger children ask what I do with my time now LOL. I don't want to sound whiny because I know how exhausting (and great!) the baby years are. One the other hand I do feel like I am very needed and always running but in such a different way. And the number one difference is, like you said, older kids are ALWAYS awake!
We are in the trenches of little kid parenting now. My husband and I were married for seven years before we started having kids, and even though we are still very frugal, I miss those days when we could be super crazy frugal.
For instance, we could drive a cheap car with no AC and 400K miles because it wouldn't have been a big deal if we broke down. Now the idea of breaking down on the side of the road with three kids crammed into a tiny, AC-less backseat sounds like hell.
We also used to wash and reuse plastic bags. It was a small thing, but I hate how many plastic bags we go through now. We just don't have the time to wash them, and I have tried reusable with no success.
On the other hand one way having little kids has actually made frugality easier is the fact that it is actually more hassle to eat out than at home. My husband and I never went out much, but with extremely picky eaters it is almost impossible. They seem to prefer bread with honey and milk to even McDonalds. So we go very long stretches of time without restaurant food.
I so love and appreciate your answer to this! You are so right about not comparing ourselves to others...even for noble things like being frugal;)
My kids are on the little side (3 and 5) but we're past the baby stage. I don't know what the future holds for us but the things that I am happy to say we saved money on were cloth diapers, I made their baby food, we've taken plenty of hand-me-downs (and then turned around and paid them forward), I use(d) washcloths way more than wipes for bottoms and everywhere else, we homeschooled instead of private preschool, we use reusable containers and bags for meals and snacks on the go, and we are vegetarian. We also skipped cable.
Where I struggle with frugality is food waste. I don't throw away too many vegetables/fruits because they went bad but we dump a lot of food from our kids plates into the trash. It eats at me. I feel proud that we eat most meals at home but it makes me think maybe I'm a horrible cook? My husband also has a habit of buying a lot of toys and books. Luckily he buys quality toys that last so at least we can hand them down or sell them. I think I'd like to try making yogurt. My mom does and my daughter loves it. I can tell you that the Annie's organic yogurt tubes that I've been buying instead are not cheap!
I started reading your blog many years ago out of desperation with our financial situation. (Thankfully our situation has improved much since then.) Even though I read regularly and have made many changes influenced by what you say here, I rarely comment, but I just had to this time! Your attitude in this article, and specifically "So, rather than asking yourself, 'Am I keeping up with what Kristen did when her kids were little?', I think a better question is, 'Am I making choices with my time and money that are good for my situation in life, that reflect my priorities, and that serve my family?'" is the reason I keep reading now that I don't desperately need frugal advice. Your attitude that 'not everyone has to make yogurt' is a major part of what is right in our world, and I wish everyone could be happy to let others live their lives the best they can, as you do. Thank you!
I'm so glad to hear that your financial situation has improved! And I am also really encouraged to hear that my blog is still relevant for you even though things aren't as financially tight now. Yay!
Very happy you delurked. Don't be a stranger. 🙂