Live the good life, just cheaper
Have you ever heard of the term "stealth wealth"?
Stealth wealth is when a person has tons of money, but instead of an ostentatious lifestyle, they choose a more pared-down existence. From the outside looking in, no one would know they are rolling in money.
(We've all heard stories of the billionaires who drive an old pickup truck!)
Well, I was thinking that stealth frugality should be a thing too, and it should refer to a person who is managing to live a good life on a budget.
I know people often think that frugal = deprived.
And there are definitely frugal people who live lives that are more spartan than what I'd want!
But my favorite kind of frugality is the sort where you can have lovely things and delightful experiences without paying a lot....where someone observing your life from the outside might never know that you are living on a budget.
I realize that nothing about my frugality is actually stealthy because I write about it all the time here on the internet.
And I am not at all shy when it comes to talking about it in real life either.
But, if I kept my mouth shut and I stopped typing on the internet, I think my life would look pretty normal and it wouldn't scream deprivation.
And that's because I focus less on doing without, and more on obtaining what I want, inexpensively.
For instance....
I eat delicious meals every day (which I cook myself, largely from scratch.)
My house is furnished nicely (mostly with free furniture that I've refinished, plus things from my Buy Nothing group and the abandoned house.)
I have a decent wardrobe (which includes second-hand and clearance clothes, and plenty of mended items)
I spend time in nature nearly every day, enjoying woodland creeks or the many rivers in my area (this costs almost nothing!)
I've gone to the symphony twice this year (with super cheap student tickets, wearing a dress from Target, leggings from Five Below, and clearance boots!)
I went to Hawaii (flying standby with Lisey's flight benefits.)
I have a Kate Spade purse and wallet (both from a consignment store)
I'm getting a nursing degree, but I'm doing it at a community college, and I'm paying for it with scholarships. Doesn't matter! I'll be an R.N. just like everyone else.
I read all the books I want, mainly from the library, or when that fails, eBay (where I inevitably sell them back when I'm done.)
I could write more examples, but I'm sure you get the point, which is that a money-saving life:
- doesn't need to be spartan or miserable
- doesn't mean you have to give up everything you want
You just have to be a little more creative about how you get the things you want. 🙂
I read a book when I was a young mom called Frugal Luxuries and loved it!
1. I have nice furniture, mostly bought from auctions, yard sales, and given to me by relatives.
2. I wear just a few colors so my wardrobe is mix and match. Same with my shoes. Same with my purses, I only have a few. I feel elegant, not fussy.
3. I use the "nice stuff", instead of saving it for "nice"
4. I grow lots of flowers and veggies so I eat well and have fresh flowers in a vase most of the spring and summer.
@MommaJo,
Love that you use the nice stuff! I also love that you grow flowers. Me too. I can’t seem to grow veggies, however.
@MommaJo, I also have "Frugal Luxuries" in my collection. Great book! My friend gave it to me after she saw my house and I told her the origins of a lot of my furniture -- family hand-me-downs, thrift stores, garage sales and even "Treasure Hunting" as the Frugal Zealot (Amy Daczyczn) wrote in Tightwad Gazette....the latter is a code word for trash picking.
@MommaJo, I keep telling everybody -- including me! -- to "use your good stuff all the time!" What are you saving it for? So my sterling silver flatware (half of it was my mother's, the other half mine) is in a kitchen drawer, not tucked away in a cabinet "for safe keeping". Keeping it safe from ... what? From being used and enjoyed and appreciated very day?
@JDinNM,
I need to do this. I have beautiful China that hubby and I received as wedding gifts, in addition to China and dishes given to me when my mom downsized....they should be used and enjoyed daily!
@Liz B., Absolutely! You can celebrate every day with the beautiful things you already own. I have found that I appreciate everything more the more I see it, use it, share it. And you can spark good memories of the people and the times and places associated with these things. They are things that are more than "just things", like your mom's dishes. I have things as ordinary as kitchen utensils that are dear to me because they were my maternal grandmother's. So I think of her every time I pull out her set of mixing bowls. ;-}
My husband and I just took a vacation to an expensive city. We used miles for free flights (obtained from his work travel), hotel points for a free hotel on the beach (work travel), free parking for our car at home near the airport (work travel), a modest rental car (cost was much less because we booked at a company off airport grounds), visited many interesting places (free), took the city tram or walked (free) and ate incredible food (Peruvian, Columbian, etc) in simple settings by getting recommendations from local workers. We spent so little money that we will be able to take additional trips this year!
It would be easier to list what we do or have that *isn't* frugal, but I'll give the stealth frugality list a shot!
1) Ours is the house that Craigslist, Habitat, and Goodwill built. Most of our furniture is used. I restore it as needed, as time allows--sometimes just oiling wood, sometimes full refinishing. It's not uncommon for service people to pause when going through the house or end a visit with "I hope you don't mind my saying, but you've a nice place."
2) Our three cats were "second-hand" from the local no-kill shelter. They were so grateful that we adopted the very bonded trio as a whole that we were only charged for one and a half cats. 😛
3) We cook from scratch, in part because of my husband's strict low salt/low fat diet, but also because it's just so much cheaper.
4) Both my husband and I drive older (30+ years) vehicles that we bought inexpensively and maintain meticulously. Repainting my car myself last fall has brought a surprising amount of questions from strangers in parking lots--an older vehicle with a new paint job really confuses people!
5) Bartering is a way of life in our friend group, as everyone has a skill to offer, be it from their day job or a heavily-invested hobby. Professional trading has garnered everything from "free" furnace work from a certified HVAC technician, to a gorgeous handmade leather purse, to custom tea mixes!
@N,
the same here. ALWAYS cooking from scratch - to be honest I usually like food prepared by myself much, much more than any take-away and often meals at restaurants.
And my friends and I do a lot of bartering! That is a non brainer in my opinion. You just need the right crowd of people/friends around you
@Lea, I can personally vouch for the deliciousness of your cooking from scratch results! 🙂
@N, your #2 just makes me smile. When it was time to resupply our cat population, we took an entire litter from a friend with barn cats that bred incessantly. Good thing we took 4: one was psycho and untouchable and quickly vanished, and another was a "rumpy" and had to be put down. The other two were wonderful: the female produced five kittens (replenishing our flock again) and the male has been a stabilizing influence on the 2 kittens we kept. Now our three are ages 5 (kittens) and 6 (uncle).
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
What's a "rumpy"?
@Liz B., whew I thought I was the only one who does not know what a "rumpy" is. It doesn't sound good.
@Linda in Canada, I it is the fun of the litter. Unlikely to survive long term, you have then in every large litter( cats , dogs, cavia’s, pigs and rabbits) sometimes the mother will kill it, sometimes it dies of malnutrition.
The term "stealth wealth" reminds me of that book "The Millionaire Next Door." My dad gave that to me to read when I was about 14 years old. I guess he had high hopes for me. Alas, never realized. 🙂
But we do live well in many ways. Like so:
--Because we grow/butcher/process it, much of our meat and produce is the highest quality possible--organic, local, and fresh.
--Because I know how to cook and bake--and spend the time to do it--we eat extraordinarily well.
--Because we live in the middle of nowhere where horses are common, there are horse pens at our house. And we have two horses given to us for free that can be ridden right out on the road. My children know how to ride without the expense of boarding stables, lessons, etc. (The expense of hay, on the other hand . . .)
--Because I am fortunate enough to have woodworkers in my family, my furniture is high-quality wood.
--Because I buy from secondhand sources, my family dresses well.
And because we have made deliberate choices and recognize why we did so, we accept the things that are NOT what others would consider optimal or even acceptable (our vehicles, for instance) as the trade-off for these things.
*Each of my children has a private tutor for education. (homeschooling)
*We also eat well because of cooking. (My father might disagree; he is not fond of the vegetables I insist on cooking.)
*Location, location, location! Many people would pay a great deal of money for our view, but we don't pay a thing since it belongs to the church.
*Because we thrift, we have an abundance of clothes. My daughters also have some pretty dresses that I (and my friend who passed away this winter) made. (Also, my daughter made one, too.)
*We have a lot of wood throughout our house. Nice floors and secondhand wooden furniture and shelves looks so nice.
*I don't know if this counts, but it makes me feel rich: my children. Seven children who show their love and appreciation to me makes me feel rich. (My husband, too.)
@Jody S.,
All that love makes you one of the richest people I know!
@Jody S., *make
Thinking and planning ahead is perhaps my best stealth frugality. Having to do anything last minute is a sure fire way to spend top dollar.
Someways I do so is to plan out our travel many months in advance to wait/look for deals, plan out holiday and entertainment menus weeks in advance to leverage supermarket sales, same with household items.
My other stealth frugality is to default to energy expenditures for my primary form of entertainment. Long mileage walks, hikes, bikes, and paddles. This works GREAT with my granddaughters as well- when they visit our coastal S CA home we go the ocean everyday to play, paddle, ride the waves, and go tidepooling. You’ll never find this Nana at nearby Disneyland or Knott’s Berry Farm. You will, however, find her in the water playing and having a grand old time with the granddaughters. Not once, so far, fingers crossed, have they complained.
@Tamara R,
A different coast, but we also avoid Disney and the other Orlando landmarks. My children grew up by, on, and in the water just as I did.
@Bee, I'd much rather visit the beach than an amusement park. When I moved to Florida and visited Disney World, it was disappointing. I grew up in Texas, where a summer wasn't a summer unless you went to Six Flags over Texas. That park had a lot better rides and attractions than Epcot. I found Disney to be truly a Mickey Mouse operation, no pun intended. Board cutouts instead of the more realistic 3D statues at Six Flags; dumb videos instead of park workers dramatizing something; and I could go on.
@Tamara R,
I grew up in S. California (age 6 to 12), and my mom worked at Disneyland for a number of the years we lived there. We also spent days at the beach and tide pools, so I have many happy memories of beaches, Disneyland, and Knotts Berry Farm. (There used to be a Japanese Deer Park that was close to or maybe part of Knotts Berry Farm....that was 50-ish years ago).
@Liz B.,
I should also add, I have had no desire to go to Disneyland or Disney World as an adult.
@Liz B., “DisneyLINE” we call it, wasted a lot of our precious vacation time and money…
While I love this approach and every little bit helps, I think much larger chunks of money typically go towards rent or mortgage (these amounts can be astronomical in many areas of the US, especially for someone just starting out), medical expenses (both insurance cost and spending if someone has chronic health conditions or is unlucky to be recovering from a car or work accident), a reliable car (even used cars are now very expensive and it does not make sense to purchase something that will require thousands of dollars in repairs), and retirement savings (if one wants to have enough money in retirement, they need to be setting aside substantial amounts of money every month). In other words being frugal with your food, wardrobe and activities may be a drop in the bucket compared to the above expenses. But I do agree that there is no reason to spend “extra” on those items.
@Anna,
Since 2020, My expenses have increased by approximately 20%+. I have not made any changes in the way I live, and I haven’t made any major purchases. We haven’t had a 20% increase in salaries and our investments and 401ks have not yielded 20%. Everyday our disposable income is a little less than it was before and our spending power is less. I worry about being close to retirement and being in this position. I worry about my children who are trying to deal with this new normal. So I very much understand what you mean.
In the early 80s when I came of age, it was difficult too — a different difficult than it is now. I didn’t have any frugal skills, but I learned. I think these skills have helped me to build a rich life for myself and my family that has little to do with money. I find joy in frugality. It helps me to have the life I want with the money I have.
@Anna,
I agree. This is something I've been pondering a lot recently, particularly when "small" wins take up time and energy that could be used for increasing my income. I will always be frugal, I'm not giving up on all the pieces, because they are important. But I am looking for a balance. I was listening to a financial podcast this week and they were saying that housing, energy, property tax and insurance are the things that have gone up so much. I'm not sure I can save enough on loss leaders and library books and walking at the lake for free (etc) to offset the increases in those 4 areas.
@Kara,
These are excellent points. What is often overlooked in discussions about how money is spent, is the importance of making as much money as you can comfortably and optimally where you are. This is especially important for women, who continue to make less than men in almost every field and retire many times in absolute poverty or must continue to work to afford the basics. And it's truly bad for single older women.
Even if things had not gone up as much, what we earn and save buys so much less (and will continue to do so; I had to laugh at the Social Security increase a year or so ago because though it was the highest in decades everyone I knew who got it had a higher $ figure for the increases in things like Medicare insurance, food, etc. And many actually had to pay taxes because of the increase so it was a double loss.),
I have read numerous books and articles about how you should put a $ value on your life, and then compare what you actually "save" by certain frugal activities versus what you could "earn" if you were working an equivalent amount of time. It is shocking for some people who think they are thrifty to realize that many things actually "cost" them more in the long run when they could, for example, have a side gig or second job to increase their lifetime SS income. Or be able to better afford or save.
I am not talking here about making more money so you can spend more, but about "saving" money by increasing what you have both now and in the future.
Investing in college; ongoing education (A friend missed out on a bloody fortune in income because he did not finish the MA degree that in his field would have raised his income year after year and given him better paying jobs than were available. He had the skills but he didn't have the degree which was the entry "fee" as it were.) and making the most of opportunities.
Now, sometimes those better paying jobs come with long hours, and a tough workplace in terms of deadlines, etc. So maybe do for a few years or off and on. People often talk about switching to different fields, which often includes taking lower pay. I've never met anyone who did this because they truly wanted to, for whom it worked out. So many found out that trading the higher pay meant forgoing savings, struggling financially (especially with health issues and costs) and more time spent worrying or being anxious due to less available $$. It's one thing to "retire" from a high paying job where you have amassed huge savings over time and can afford a different type of job with a lot less money (as so many did from the early days of tech companies), another to find out you can't afford even a modest lifestyle.
I do wish far more was written about where the jobs are, what to expect in terms of salary/fees and how to get the best education you can, (not saying in this blog but going back to school to be a nurse---Brilliant and something that was planned for long before it became more of a necessity for The Frugal Girl.) and how to find/net these jobs. Women in particular with all their skills often cannot find jobs that pay them appropriately. I"ve often observed that women who manage their families, their social lives and maintaining a home are basically CEOS, CFOS and the like. Those skills translate. Same with many other femaled-dominated fields.
Years ago a Fortune 20 exec divorced his wife after some thirty years of marriage. She basically did the behind the scenes work, including entertaining that is a must at the top levels, and socializing that helped him succeed in business. She got an incredible lawyer and was able to get "back pay" for all the years of her basically working in a full-time (but uncompensated ) job.
So many women have done all of that for husbands/spouses over the years and then been in financial poverty due to the divorce. Running a household and family IS A job. Ask a woman to write down what it would cost to hire someone to do what she does daily: Driver to drive kids here, there; Cleaner; Social secretary; household maintenance person; educator (home schooling); someone who shops for family; someone who cooks for the family.
Put a dollar figure on those tasks. It adds up. And there is the cost of loss income (in real time and looking ahead) for a family when one partner can't make enough to justify the costs associated with the tasks they must then pay for. It seems as if a man or woman staying home in those circumstances is a good choice. But, long-term it isn't, even if the couple doesn't divorce.
There are many ways to be good stewards of our money (This is how I've come to think of it. I never feel deprived this way.) Circumstances change but we must all get better financial education early on in real life economics as I call it. So many of us are unaware of the true costs of things even in these days of lots of information that was not available when we were growing up. The cost of living today demands that we do so.
So I'd love to read more about the economics behind frugality in a broader sense, anywhere on the web.
@Irena, to summarize - never be beholden to someone else for your finances. If I could not support my kids by myself, I'd have never had any. I've seen too many family members, ages across the spectrum, struggle financially. Wasn't going to happen to me and hasn't happened to me.
@Irena, You make many interesting points and ask important questions. I hope you will study them and tell us some of your conclusions. I am impressed by the emphasis Elizabeth Warren has put on the policy decisions that are affecting the former middle class. It makes a big difference in school choices, for example, if you have a choice between a well funded and operated public school and an expensive private school, or home school. Public policy decisions affect all of us, and we don't always vote the right people into office.
@Kristina, when the war on the middle class started - raygun era, union busting top on the list, I refused to be a casualty. AND made sure my kids weren't a casualty either.
I have no patience for those kvetching (being nice) about the public school(s) where they live. Get involved, start being a part of the solution. While I realize some don't have a lot of choice when it comes to housing, some do. Our first house was a true fixer-upper. But in an excellent school district. Our second (and carry out our bodies house) is in the same high school district. Youngest kiddo could have finished out the senior year there even if it wasn't. Price of a house isn't the only factor when buying (or renting truth be told).
Reminds me of The Art of Frugal Hedonism, which is such a great name for it. I haven't actually read the book, but I listened to a great interview with the author on The Slow Home Podcast.
Moving to a more rural area in a nice house. Most people would say that living in a rural area isn't that great but it makes you go out less for meals and cook at home and you have room to have gardens. Also your mortgage and taxes could be a lot cheaper too. So we have a nice house that we will be able to afford in retirement and we are closer to our family and enjoy the quiet of the country.
@Maureen, ditto this! We also chose a small house in a rural area, as it was the difference between our money being a down payment in the city or owning our house outright from day one. Even taking increased gas/commuting into account, it's cheaper than paying interest on a mortgage and much cheaper than renting.
@Maureen,
I admire and applaud those who make these choices. It works in so many ways, but not for everyone. One's career or work choices are often limited due to rural location (would that this were not the case). Often one works decades in an area with more expensive housing, related costs. Hopefully, they will save enough to then retire / move to a less expensive location.
I wish I could have a garden. Or even a terrace!
All of our work can't be done remotely, alas, so hard choices are made.
Sometimes the trade-offs work, sometimes not. Hopefully, one can adjust/course correct as needed.
And then there is the reality of who we are as individuals and what we seek socially and culturally. I lived in a small town for years and never imagined or planned to live in a big city. But the college education I wanted for my future was in a big city. I thought I would return to the burbs when I graduated. But, I found that a big city offered so much that I would no longer be comfortable living elsewhere. Remains the same even though it's still costly in some ways (less expensive in others.)
It has to be what works for you in terms of trade-offs and daily living.
I love the diversity of those readers who have been profiled here. It is reassuring to see so many living the lives in circumstances that work for them.
@Irena, I totally agree. It is to "each his own" and how comfortable you feel in your lifestyle whether country or city. If you are frugal in the city or country, you can make it anywhere. It's all what you are used to doing to provide happiness for yourself.
My kids get to go to the zoo and the Henry Ford Museum/ Greenfield Village on a regular basis because those were family Christmas gifts from their aunt and uncles.
@Ruth T,
Ohhh, LOVE Greenfield Village and the Henry Ford!!! Grew up in MI, but moved states away. We still return to visit Grandparents each summer, and my dad buys a membership and takes us all for two days, one for the Village and one for the museum. My dad claims his membership on his taxes since it is a nonprofit.
This is fun —
1. I live in a house near the beach. The same house that I have lived in for 20+ years. I would not be able to buy this house today. But many years ago I bought with my heart, I chose location, location, location. The beach life is a luxury.
2. My house is furnished with high-end antiques and original works of art that I’ve collected over time. Some are inherited. Some are from estate sales and auctions. Some are from thrift stores and rummage sales. A few things are actually garbage picked. There are very few items that cost over $100. My favorite piece of furniture is my dining table that has been in my family since 1840 or so. My aunt passed it to me because her daughter did not want it. Imagine 180 Thanksgiving dinners have been served at that table.
3. My husband an I take at least one vacation a year together. We spend very little on these trips. Since he must travel for his job, we benefit from points and loyalty programs. For example, last October we made a bucket list trip to Yosemite. We flew from Florida, rented a car, stayed in a hotels for 8 nights and ended the trip watching the sunset in Monterey. We spent around $800. This was primarily on food, gas, and park entrance fees.
4. We take good care of what we have —cars, house, yard, clothes, our health. This is sweat equity.
Buying my house 25 years ago as a wreck. Although I didn't buy it to be frugal, I bought it because it was and is my dream property. Yesterday my handyman said, "I think you have the best view in this entire town." I agree! It's now worth 10x what I paid for it, though of course, it's required plenty of work over the years.
Renting my cottage via Airbnb. This really isn't frugal either because practically everyone does it out here, including celebrities and billionaires. But it sure helps a lot.
Buying used, modest cars. My handyman drives a Mercedes. My cleaning lady drives a BMW and org lady has a new SUV. I drive a 2016 Camry.
This sounds odd but: buying my antiques collection at auction rather than via a dealer. I sometimes get incredible bargains that way. Dealers generally charge 2x what the item would cost at auction.
Cheap meat is just gross to me and I don't eat it, but other than that I'm not picky about my diet. I like real whole milk and gluten and I refuse to pay for organic anything unless it happens to be cheaper. Also I hate fish and shellfish so that saves too! I'd much rather have a hot dog. Mmmm, hot dogs.
Living in the boonies, not to mention getting old, cuts way down on entertainment. We used to go to hockey games regularly, concerts, Broadway shows, etc and now I'm just too tired to make the schlep. Our local theaters are old with old uncomfortable seats so not generally that tempting.
Most of my socializing is done for very little--crafting at my friends' on Sundays, etc.
Buying through FB Marketplace too. I got an unused Restoration Hardware sofa that usually retails for $7500 for $1750. Now, $1750 is not exactly free either, but this sofa is down filled, ten feet long, and extra deep so tall people like me are super comfy.
"Cheap meat is just gross to me . . . Mmmm, hot dogs."
OK, some cheap meat. Heh. I was referring mostly to steaks and chicken here. I also have a shameful love for olive loaf.
@Rose, your life sounds luxurious and filled with beauty, and to me, your 2016 Camry sounds like a Rolls Royce!
How did your interview go yesterday?
@Rose, thanks for your post about the key fob hacking issue with Hondas the other day. I haven't figured out how to handle the problem yet but it's nice to know it's a known issue.
Rose knows something about everything!!
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, It went really well, thanks. I always take Betty MacDonald's sister Mary's advice about rolling into an interview with a "Look who just hit the jackpot" attitude. In fact, my cover letter started with "You've just hit the jackpot!"
And thanks. I often think I'm the luckiest person in the world.
@Elaine N, I am such an annoying knowitall. WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE JUST LISTEN TO ME? I often think.
@Rose,
And will probably last a lot longer than the cheap sofas (but still expensive) out there today. A lot of stuff made today is not meant to last (companies even tell you this, proudly!)
Invest in the best you can afford. Quality lasts. I am still wearing classic pieces of clothing (well made, good fabrics and good fit) that I bought decades ago.
I update looks with accessories. I'm long over "new" looks and styles that go out of date very easily. Waste of money.
@Rose, I once was walking into an interview and my bra strap busted. You could immediately tell I was lopsided (I am excessively endowed), so I sort of hunched over until I sat down and then I put my arms up back behind my head. Years later the boss told me he hired me over other people because I was so relaxed in the high stress situation of a job interview that I could lean back with my arms behind my head. I did not tell him until his retirement party why I was sitting that way. (And I did replace him as boss, which is what I told him I wanted when he asked for my five year plan in the interview...)
Haha, this is hilarious! If I were in this situation, no one would be the wiser, but I can see where it would be a very unfortunate circumstance for the bustier among us.
@Lindsey, I did NOT ask whether the job of public information officer came with a badge and gun. I can restrain myself a little, sometimes.
FREEZE! PUBLIC INFORMATION OFFICER! Do you know how fast you were going?
There is a new trend called “Loud Frugalism” where you unabashedly tell people certain things are not in your budget, and let people know where you got your “stuff” and how little you paid for it. Kristen, I think you are a loud frugalista. You may have started the trend with your blog!
@Joan, nope, Kristen is much classier than a "loud" anything!
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, what's wrong with being LOUD? I'm LOUD LOUD LOUD. My father often told me to lower my voice. I said, "Dad, I'm 50. Not gonna stop being loud annnnnny time soon. Deal with it."
I'm sort of in the middle. But it's a running joke at nursing school that I don't REALLY need to scan the attendance QR code, because everyone already knows I'm at lecture. I always raise my hand, ask questions, talk, etc. So in that way, I'm a little loud. 😉
@Joan,
I think this loud frugality is worse than obvious consumption and flaunting of wealth and what you have.'
Krista is modest, appreciative and anything but loud and that's one of the reasons I and so many others like her and her blog.
@Rose, I just knew you were a member of the Loud Women group! Me, too.
Haha, I kind of am. I'm not at all shy about telling people about my frugal adventures, if they are interested. 😉
@Irena, that's what I meant. Modest, not in-your-face, not bragadocious. Basically, just one beggar telling another beggar where to find food.
@Rose, loud looks good on you!
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
It wasn’t a criticism. Maybe I explained it wrong. They call it Loud Frugalism but it’s a positive trend of people learning to be more fruga and talking about it. I was not implying Kristen is a loud person. I agree she has class and grace. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
1. When my daughter was in elementary school, a classmate was astonished to find out that her mother (that would be me) worked a job outside the home. He assumed I was a stay at home mom, his reasoning for that being that he thought we were rich and I didn't need to work (Ha! Not hardly, kid!). He thought we were rich, he said, because my daughter was always dressed well. I bought clothes on last-call clearance, utilized hand-me-downs, sewed, and bought what secondhand stuff was available to dress my kids. I had people at church tell me my kids were always dressed nicely, too, so I assume I did a good job of "dressing for less".
Also, I was amused that he thought stay at home moms were all wealthy.
-we bought a vacation home just a short drive from a populær ski resort. This home cost about 25% of what a similar property on the Mountain would have cost, and we love it.
-we're semi-anonymous here so I can safely brag that I am quite a good cook and make most of our dinners
-also prefer my own cakes to most storebought ones
- i am really picky about shoes so when I find a pair I like i keep them maintained and pay for shoe repair
@Sk in Norway, I would pay, and gladly, for shoe repair but I cannot find a cobbler anyplace in Alaska. When we went to Anchorage, I took along a broken down pair of shoes, convinced that our largest city would have a shoe repair place. Nope. When we took our Last Hurrah trip this past summer, I was tempted to take shoes needing repair along because we were driving across the entire U.S. and surely we would run across someplace that fixed shoes. I didn't but I was really tempted...
@Lindsey, Dry cleaners sometimes have someone who can fix shoes.
@Rose, Never heard or thought of that, so I will be checking that out this week. Thanks!
Great topic!
1. Husband and I put the max in our 401k and Roth IRA every year. Then we base what we have for income on our paycheck AFTER those contributions. We don't want to work until 70 (50 now) so it is very important to us. We would like to retire at 60.
2. The only paid subscription we have is Netflix. We don't have cable or prime or hulu or any magazine subscriptions. We get DVDs and books through the library. We can also look at most popular magazines online through the library.
3. I like to cook so we mostly eat at home
4. We really like being outside, and it's pretty cheap! State park pass is $28 for a year and we use it hiking, biking, picnicing, beer gardens, etc.
5. I have never had any interest in keeping up with the Joneses so my clothes, car, furniture, makeup, nails, hair, cell phone, etc. are not new or trendy or expensive, but they work for me!
Planning meals based on what is on sale.
Cooking majority of our meals from scratch.
Keeping pantry stocked with items purchased on sale. Knowing the sale cycle rotation helps.
Doing price comparisons when purchasing items online and using apps like Raukten and Honey for coupons and to earn the most cash back.
Buying almost everything using a credit card with rewards or cash back option.
Paying extra on each mortgage payment and car payment to reduce length of loan and interest. We've used this strategy to pay off the house and all the cars, so we are now debt free. When I first starting working, my boss sat down all the recent graduates and explained how much more you pay in the end for a 30-year mortgage over a 15-year mortgage. That lesson has stuck with me for life.
Love this! I’m not as successful with thrifting but I do love clearance, especially the groceries. We eat like kings for such a small amount. It’s so empowering.
Frugal Luxuries
I drive 1999 Lexus which I paid $2,000 for with 151,000. My girls drive older cars that are paid for.
I have redone my home and paid it off
I live on a small income, but I am debt free
I was debt free from College after getting my BSN.
Your post reminds me of the old saying, "We judge people's outsides by our insides." I was born in Malibu, California but my family was the last of the middle class generation to afford it. My Mom's house ironically was the last house that sold under a million dollars. My father bought it in 1963 as a foreclosure for 23,000. While I miss the ocean, I do not miss how money has people buy the throat. As a babysitter through my teen years I saw famous people desperately counting pennies while living in mansions and quiet members of my church donating millions to charity. One never knows what the real truth is by looking at the outside.
My husband in a 7th generation farmer in California. He wears his farm "uniform" everywhere which I have mended multiple times. One time at a bank, he was made to wait for 45 minutes because of how he looked. When he was finally seen, he closed his 1,000, 000 account and moved on. The bank was not happy. Do not get the impression, though, this makes us "rich." It is the price of admission to farm today. A harvester costs 450,000. Selling the crop on the wrong day could cost us what I make in a year as a teacher. We have a bank payment to meat every month.
However, we house the families of our workers in lovely little homes.They send there children to good schools and can be the first in their generation to go to college. We have just made a deal with the state to house dangerous CO2 underneath our land to help with Global Warming ( no kidding it is a thing.) We travel, splurge at times on entertainment all while I do pantry challenges and consignment shopping. Judge us how you will, we are hardworking, good stewards and help others. That is what makes our life rich.
@mary ann, what do you farm? It is crazy almost impossible to get into farming unless you have inherited the land. Growing up, we might have been land rich, but were definitely cash poor! My dad got into farming through his dad, but when I asked if I could learn to farm, he told me the farm just wasn't big enough to take me on. No worries, I became an artist, another almost impossible career.
@mary ann, I love the story of your husband firing the bank that did not respect him because he was not dressed in bank-approved attire. Well done!
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
We are on the Sacramento River. My husband was told the same - find an off farm income because they couldn't take him on although he was still suppose to help out on weekends. My husband has managed to buy back some of the land lost to taxes and second marriages. There are certainly a lot of perks: in a land exchange to find contiguous property and a better water supply, we "inherited" a 1920 river mansion which my husband didn't want. He made the offer contingent on cutting the house out. No go. As you know, you either occupy a house or burn it to the ground. Otherwise it becomes a dangerous drug house. Hubby was set with a match until I fell in love with it. Now we are renovating after much marital compromise. The 50 windows we ordered are being installed Monday. It will be a slow process.
@mary ann,
What a wonderful place to grow up! I have family in that area. Malibu has changed over the decades, but it is still so beautiful. Of course, I’m a thalassophile, so I am always drawn to the coast.
I think that you have made a valid point. We are so often judged from what people see. However, we never really know what lies beneath.
@Elaine N,
This reminds me of so many individuals where I grew up.
Dressing up was for church or weddings or funerals. Not the bank or shopping.
One could not tell by the choice of apparel, if my friends and schoolmates' parents were wealthy or not. I loved that. Outward appearance should not be the focus of our relationships (Well, I do draw a line at neat and clean. Not much for scruffy hygiene of any kind.)
Love that the man withdrew his funds from the bank. Even if you have next to nothing, banks should treat you well. Respect for the person, not the bank balance! The same in real life situations.
I really loathe how some people suck up to rich people. And then treat others with no respect. It's not how much you have, but who you are as a human being.
The excuses made for how some people are treated badly are so off-base, that I can't even comment.
@mary ann, that sounds fabulous, especially the house. No wait, especially the river! I am about 4 hours south of you. Have a friend who grows rice in Arbuckle, so vaguely familiar with farming in your part of the Central Valley. (He also grows olives, watermelons, sunflowers and carrots for seed.)
@Elaine N, profiling. Each time it happens at one of our banks, I transfer a large enough amount to catch their eye to another bank. It stopped for a while but started again. Two strike game and the bank has one strike again.
My main stealth frugality is having no mortgage. My husband and I are retired and yet we are able to put money into our savings accounts each month because our house is paid off. My accountant friends tell me this is wrong and that instead we should pay a mortgage for the tax benefit and invest more in the stock market. Well, I've seen the stock market loose value more than once in my life. And I love the fact that no one can take our house away from us (as long as we keep up property tax payments, hence one of the savings accounts).
1. I used a coupon last week for a free pizza at a restaurant when dining out with co workers for a going away event. It made for a really cheap lunch.
2. My library access isn't what it would be in a larger city I've checked into it. So, I just have a subscription to Scribd/Everend. It works and I get the majority of the books I need for the book club I attend. It is also a great resource for my ten year old as he is dyslexic and he really enjoys the audiobooks.
3. I brown bag/bring my own coffee to work at least 25 out of the 30 days of the month. I even try to brown bag on the days I have appointments or go to the gym on the weekends.
4. My family generally only eats out 3-4 times a month if that and it usually ends up being less than $200. I count this as a win. I have co workers that spend that on coffee/lunch just during the week.
5. I dye my own hair from a box that I get with coupons from Walgreens. It's not movie star hair, but man does it save me time and money.
Stealth Frugality describes my life:
One time I counted up my furniture and realized that 80% is 2nd-hand—salvaged, antiqued, thrifted, inherited.
I saved forever for a Coach purse, spent an amount that almost caused a seizure on it in 1995, and it remains my only purse.
I'd far rather drive an older Honda or Toyota than have a new anything else. (I've owned 4 Accords, all used: '77, '81, '88, and now '96 with 250,000 miles.)
Because I had my colors "done" back in the '80s, my wardrobe continuously builds on itself because things match and blend. Knowing one's style prevents lots of fast fashion and weird trendy mistakes and waste.
It has always been far more enjoyable to me to be outside, enjoying real places than going to theme parks. Disneyland is 4-5 hours away but I didn't go until a senior in high school. I went 3 times in that era, and returned once as a young adult but didn't like it—fake, expensive, crowded.
Books from the library (and now Kindle and Libby too) are my go-to entertainment.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, My husband bought me a pair of scarlet leather Coach gloves a decade ago. I have worn them to death and they are still in great shape, and when I put them on, I feel stylish (even if wearing clothing that has seen better days...in Alaska, especially in winter, stylish means nothing. If it is warm, you wear it.) I believe if this pair wore out, I would buy these gloves again, only in bright yellow, even if it meant buying full price.
I've been using a plain black Coach purse for....30 years? Classic, sturdy, well made. I think I bought it at outlet store back when outlets were outlets.
I do have a passion for weird purses, though, and sometimes spend way too much on them. Last year, a Lulu Guinness blackberry purse because it reminded me of summer mornings spent picking blackberries to put on my breakfast cereal. Now, she's introduced a lily of the valley bag, my favorite flower. Dammit.
@Rose, it is more frugal to never allow yourself to look at the new things. Occasionally I look at Coach bags on eBay, just to reassure myself that when this one gives up the ghost, I will be able to find another one, but for much less than I spent on this old faithful.
I wish I were as frugal as most commenting here are.
But I have found a way to buy brand name clothes second-hand without having to haunt Goodwill or consignment stores. GEM.APP is a aggregate site that combines all the consignment sites (eBay, Poshmark, Real Real, Mercari and more) into one easy to search site. There's no sign-up, no extra charge, you actually purchase your item on the original site. My entire wardrobe comes from them.
@Pictou, that is so convenient!
I think a lot of frugality comes down to contentedness (I know you've written about that before, Kristen), creativity, and confidence, aka not caring too much about what other people think. After all, we all have the same basic needs- housing, transportation, food. There are many different ways to get to the same end.
If I want something nice/expensive, I look for a way to get it for a lower price. Or, I practice delayed gratification to save up for it. Then, I either appreciate it more, or change my mind about getting it at all.
Frugality also takes time and intentionality. Planning meals and grocery lists, doing price comparisons, cooking from scratch, brewing coffee at home, DIY maintenance and projects.
I could go on and on, apparently 😉
@JP, good plan about waiting. I do that too. I often dig deep into my head about why I think I want something new/different. Usually it is because I am bored, or worried the existing thing will break, or because my life has other areas out of control so I am doing retail therapy.
If I had to pick one form of "stealth frugality" I now practice/enjoy that hasn't already been mentioned, it'd be having a really energy-efficient house with solar panels--all the results of my late DH's having been in the home energy performance biz. My neighbors still regularly kid me that I'm the "efficient neighbor" on those little National Grid graphs who's making them look bad.
But to go slightly off topic (or maybe not): I'm still weighed down by the case of the 5-year-old girl they were looking for in the woods near us. They found her yesterday. She started her brief life with drugs in her bloodstream, and ended it in her PJs in a shallow grave, only about 100 yards from our street. (If you Google her name, Nefertiti Harris, you'll get the whole wretched story.) At the moment, I'm less concerned with maintaining a middle-class facade than I am with figuring out what little I can do (and I know it's all too little) to prevent such things from happening. Maybe it took a NIMBY incident to wake me up--but NIMBY or anywhere else.
@A. Marie, Volunteer with a literacy program? The key determinant for children to succeed in school is their mother's literacy, even more than economic class.
@Rose, I would agree with doing something similar. Find a way to be a "big sister." But really, I think so many kids need a good grandma figure. Literacy. Or maybe find a place that helps mothers in crisis situations?
@Jody S. and @Rose, I'd definitely be more of an Auntie Mame than a Grandma. But I'll look into the literacy volunteering.
Also, for the past 2 years, Dr. Bestest Neighbor has been working as a Master Gardener Volunteer at a vegetable gardening project in a park on the South Side. He was talking about giving that up this year--but if he can be talked back into it, I'll offer to be his humble shovel and trowel bearer, even though I'm not an official Master Gardener. (I've contributed seeds, plants, and tools in the past.)
@A. Marie,
I’m so sorry. Cases like Nefertiti’s touch our hearts and awaken our compassion. At times like this, I find myself asking questions that I cannot answer especially when my life exists far from poverty, violence, and want.
I know by your comments that you try and make the world a better place with your kindness. I also try to help where I can, but I recognize the things I do are only a drop in the bucket. I feel less helpless by volunteering and giving when I can. Although I know there are some who will think this is fruitless, but I will continue to pray for those in need. I will pray that love and compassion will live in all hearts.
Wishing you peace!
@A. Marie,
I know this is part two of my response. The organization that I often work with was started by a group of ministers from several different denominations over 25 years ago. They recognized that if they pooled their resources, they could have a greater impact on the community.
This organization has a garden and supplies fresh veggies, fruits, and herbs to their food pantry. I have worked in this pantry and it makes a huge difference to the food insecure. You may really love working in that garden.
This same organization also has a program to help single mothers break the cycle of poverty. They provide counseling, childcare, financial advice and so much more. Currently, I volunteer to help find educational funding for these women to go back to school.
@A. Marie, I'm glad you shared about Nefertiti; I hated to read about it, but it's important to know her story.
I'll second Rose's thought about literacy - I've loved volunteering with multiple kinds of reading help programs, even when I didn't think I was the best fit for them (e.g. ESL tutoring when I didn't know Amharic). My favorite is just reading to a child, and listening to them as they read. I still think of one little girl who I met with for a couple of years, once a week during lunch, and how much she just wanted somebody to encourage and recognize her (didn't live with parents and her grandma's hands were full). I'm pretty sure she'd have said, the more Auntie Mame-ish, the better!
@A. Marie, Always got to love a good Auntie Mame reference. (I will guess you have read the original book, which is delightful).
With your writing and editing skills, you might search out ways to use those. Write grant applications, or proofread them. Or do so for scholarships. Or for job searchers who are having trouble understanding their skills. Find an organization you believe in and call them to volunteer!
@A. Marie, I just read the story. Yes, that is horrible. I work in the the Criminal Justice field and it still hits home anytime you read a story like this. I'm super fortunate that my other half knows what goes on our local community, so if our kids should not be at someone's house then they don't go. I have no advice for involvement. The only thing I do is help volunteer to teach Religious Ed one night a week. I help in the littles class K-1st grade. I have my nephew in class this year, so that is nice to see him every Wednesday night. I think it just makes a difference if you are available and involved. I think kids need the structure.
@Rose, You are so right about volunteering with a children's literacy program! When I met my DH, he was tutoring kids at lunchtime through his company. For this and countless more reasons, you’d better believe I held onto that guy. But I also saw the difference it made and the big smiles on the kids' faces.
Aww, poor little thing. That is such a terribly sad story, on many, many levels.
@Rose, When I worked on death row, I don't think I ever had an inmate that was literate. It seemed like many were doomed from about the age of 3, and it was heart-breaking even when they had committed hideous crimes.
This old fashioned liberal believes that the best chance to help poor children is by helping them succeed in school. There is unfortunately not a lot one person can do regarding poverty and drugs, but you can teach adults and children to read.
@Lindsey, YOU WORKED ON DEATH ROW?? Whoa. I'm glad you are now able to be a secret shopper.
@A. Marie,
I have been a teacher for 35 years. It has been a vocation, not a profession. I have witnessed tragedy on the frontline - too many to mention. I have taught the Nefertitis born addicted. I have lost them as well. My one golden rule is the following: I will never truly know whose life I have saved. In the morning I ask God that my students and I do something great that day. I ask to be of service. Whatever happens I have to believe is part of a plan. I most likely will not know the results but I know I am part of the solution.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, Interesting/terrifying job. Every three months you had to sign a statement that you understood that if you were taken hostage, there would be no bargaining for your return. I was very young, in grad school, and raised Catholic. I was no match for the other employees, let alone guys who had no hope of release except through death.
YES!! to all of this.
Over 90% of our furniture was purchased second hand through yard sales, thrifting, auctions and marketplace. We gratefully accepted bedroom furniture for our kids as family downsized. Many of my pieces needed a little love - sanding, staining or painting, adding in some new support pieces. Many required DEEP cleaning.
In addition to being second hand, the vast majority of what we have has been with us for years. We don't follow the trends and get new furniture in the latest styles and colors. We did purchase two new quality rocker recliners when my oldest was born (lots of late night rocking!). We just gave those same rockers (now 25 years old!) to that same child to use in their first home.
I also thrift the vast majority of any other needs - clothing, kitchen gadgets, etc. I can't imagine how much it has saved our family over the years.
My children have thankfully inherited the frugal gene and hunt for gently used for their use. It makes me so happy to know that they learned that you can be just as happy (or happier - no debt!) with items that have "previous experience"
What have I not already told the commentariat about?
My TV sets are second hand: one bought from an estate sale and the other came from Salv. Army. I use indoor antennae for reception -- no cable, no satellite, no streaming. I have a DVD player and even a VHS player and get movies from thrift stores or borrow them from the library. Although my over the air broadcast offerings are A-OK.
The house I currently live in is HUGE; it was on the market almost forever bc it's in a bad school district. Ironically, it's in a good neighborhood with few children (which is how I like it). I waited until the absentee owner/inheritor of the house got socked with the property taxes and made a fairly low bid; they accepted at once. That was 15+ years ago and the property value has gone up; you can't buy a starter house for what I paid for mine. And, yes, I've paid off the mortgage. That took some years but I paid it off early. Big relief! Much to my relief this past year, the property taxes went down.
The only appliances I bought new were the kitchen refrigerator and the freezer. The rest are from such places as Habitat Re-store or they conveyed along with the house. Most of my lamps were similarly bought secondhand or are hand-me-downs. I get small appliances secondhand, too.
I rarely buy brand new clothes except from Walmart. Thrift stores and, more rarely, consignment stores provide me with all the fashions I need and then some. It's a big win for me when someone compliments me on my attire, a regular occurrence, since I bought it cheap.
The patio furniture came from Salv. Army's thrift store and is a big long glass table with 6 chairs. I bought it before I closed on the house and stored it in my mini-van until I took possession of the property.
A lot of my curtains and bookshelves and other items have seen duty in the last several homes I've lived in. I recently had the interior painted using Glidden paint from Walmart and recycled paint from Habitat Re-Store. When I first moved in and re-carpeted, I got the best carpet pad they sold, and that pad is being reused as I replace the carpet.
My project this summer is to reduce the amount of grass I have to mow (or paid to have mowed), by enlarging flower beds and planting ground cover around the trees. I went through about 3 or 4 used riding lawnmowers before giving up on them, since they frequently break down and don't last a real long time. Now I hire someone to mow. Although I'm considering getting another riding mower.
Deprivation is never a good motivation, no matter what you are referring to. As you note, using your money wisely is about focusing on how you will save for the things that really matter while getting the most bang for your buck.
As someone who spent decades as an independent contractor, who, at times, had no specific contract or one that included lengthy gaps between payment, I had to really focus on how I spent money. After years where I worked long hours on site in which I spent a lot on takeout and transportation (If you work till 2 am in a major city, you don't ride public transportation!), I not only wanted to ""get" more for my money but I had the opportunity to work from home where the long hours worked were less costly because I could eat from my fridge and didn't need to spend money on cabs.
I admit that taking the time to prep/cook/freeze back then was time-consuming but I saved a lot $$$ wise and the time I spent commuting was shifted to cooking.
Admittedly, I made less so I had to figure out how to stretch my $. Also, I live in a city that is expensive but, pretty much no matter how much money you have or don't, you always look for the "bargain" and never pay retail!
We do have a variety of low-cost and free things to do, although we only have big public parks. And luckily over the years, the variety of low-cost online things has increased.
Alas, the competition for anything free (or on the curb) is fierce (there are millions of us!) but we do have some decent thrift shops that are definitely not cheap but still way less than retail.
Housing. Well, that's another story. I moved here so long ago that my housing is still high but not as high as it could be if I moved here in the last 20 years or so.
I think "wealth" is a state of mind overall because I have seen (and worked for and known very well) individuals with huge income and assets. So many were miserable (Main reason in many cases: Suspicion that people were friendly with them only because they wanted something or were looking for them to pay their way. Both men and women in this situation.) with nothing concrete to worry about financially as so many of us are forced to deal with. On the other hand, I have known individuals living on the local maximum wage and despite hardship, enjoying their lives and circumstances.
Somewhere between those unbelievably "cheap" folks we've seen on television and those who spend millions on nothing, there is a large group of "stealth wealth" who make the most of what they have and do not focus on what they don't have.
I often wonder how parents on limited incomes do it. When I was a child, I don't remember ever, except once, wanting for anything and we were definitely in the low income group (single working mom). Today, kids of all ages are wanting iPhones and all sort of expensive electronics, designer clothes, and other expensive things and activities.
If your life is focused on what you want that you don't have, it's hard to focus on enjoying what you do have. I marvel all the time at the creativity, optimism and good attitudes on individuals whose circumstances are indeed challenging and even life threatening at times (families in neighborhoods that have changed over the years and are no longer safe but they can't afford to move anywhere else; living in housing that is all they can afford but is filled with criminals and criminal activity that can't be stopped).
It takes only a few minutes with the news each day to remind myself that although I am still financially challenged (Ongoing medical issues) and semi-retired, I have a good life.
I am not sure I ever felt like I was living "stealth wealth" because I am not one to contemplate how others are living in terms of "do they have money or don't they."
Ironically I grew up in stealth wealth as though I lived in a geographically wealthy area, we were not. My schoolmates I found out, years later, were often from families of extreme wealth (earned and inherited), something I would never have guessed even after seeing their homes and cars. In this area, at that period of time, people with money absolutely did not flaunt their wealth. It's only more modern times where trying to appear wealthy or well off has become something many with no real wealth aspire to.
These individuals believed in the stewardship of their money. For current and future generations and spent it on things like education, travel (long before it became affordable for the masses) and ensuring they got good health and care. They were also huge contributors to local and other charities, often invisibly (many students received scholarships to local schools and colleges). They started small local business, grew them and employed many people in the area.
Financial challenges today are many and even hardworking folks (some with multiple jobs needed to feed themselves and their families) have it tough. But attitude has a lot to do with how you feel about what you have, or don't.
What I like most about The Frugal Girl is that it really is about making the most of your situation, realistically and learning that choosing to wisely spend and save your money is more important than buying things for reasons that have nothing to do with need, but more with want.
I am envious of your local options for free stuff! Loved this column.
Yes! I love this idea. Our stealth frugality is travel as well. I've written here about our home exchange adventures. This summer my husband and I are going to Mexico City. We are staying for free in someone else's home and flying with credits and points. Then the whole family is spending two weeks traveling around California. The accommodations are again free. The flights were purchased with a discount carrier new to our local airport and were a fraction of what I paid last year when I flew to LA on a work trip. Enough of our meals during both trips will be grocery store food prepared in the various homes' kitchens that our meals out will be very special.
In the place and time of my growing up, being noticeably frugal could get you tagged as being poor. Being poor was considered a moral failing by most. Thus a lot of people were frugal and were careful not to call attention to it.
Most frugal moves are also great for the earth, so that made it okay to talk about in the very spendy 1980s and 90s.
Isn't it so nice that frugality is a little more acceptable now? I love that!
This is one of my all-time-favorite posts. I seldom read the comment section but I eagerly read through all 58 comments, gleaning stealth frugality tips from other readers.
I was raised by Stealth Wealth and Passive Wealth generations (parents and grand parents). I am definitely in the minority of my friends who live way below my means, drive older vehicles and by used/thrift/free and I love to flip anything that I can make a buck flipping...don't we all?!?
I am so heartened by the Millennials that I know who are buying the smaller homes, thrifting and investing for their futures.
My parents were the original F.I.R.E. movers and shakers, retiring at 46 and 49, I semi-retired at age 55, I work for insurance benefits and funding my RothIRA as well as keeping my license and certificates current. I am widowed, so I am bit more cautious than my other early retirement friends.
My health insurance went up 37% in the last year, I don't know about you all, but I didn't get much of a contract increase this last negotiation round.
Present self daily thanks 20 year old past self for working so hard!
About 15 years ago I had a sweet 98 yo patient who was so kind and shared her smile with everyone and was a gentle soul. She rode her bicycle everywhere in town (got hit by a box truck which is how she ended up in trauma icu as my patient). She did not have family, so we set her up with home health and then a group of nurses would fill in on daily visits for the days that visiting nurses were not scheduled. She lived in a sweet bungalow next to the university, had vegetable gardens and a Model A that had rotting tires in the garage. She lived for another year and then quietly passed. We gave her a beautiful send off/service and wouldn't you know it, she endowed almost 5 million to the university science programs and her house, freshly restored and brought into this century, is a home away from home for a lucky visiting professor. Thinking of her and her life makes my heart smile.
@Blue Gate Farmgirl, Thanks for sharing that story; it's making me smile too - a kind life well-lived
We sold nearly everything we owned and moved into a motorhome to go touring the USA--a frugal way to travel since we had built-in furniture, a kitchen, bedroom and bath in the motorhome. But, when we came off the road, we owned no furniture. We like the clean lines of Scandinavian furniture so that's what we'd had--mostly in teak and oak, So we placed an order with IKEA and had them deliver an apartment's worth of furniture (~$2000 in 2012) all in one day. A frugal way to move. Yes, it is not real wood but we are old and our only child doesn't want to inherit furniture so why buy expensive? And we needed it NOW since we didn't even own a bed.
My kitchen items. I have a couple thrifted Le Creuset items. A lot of cast iron (including wagner that I bought for less than $10). My whole kitchen is thrifted or from Goodwill, but they are all quality pieces that will last forever. At my last house I had a beautiful kitchen, but my dad made the cabinets and redid the lighting and all ...we basically only paid for countertops and appliances and cost of wood/lights.
My wardrobe. I mostly wear high end items that I have purchased goodwill/thrift stores. I live in cashmere sweaters and jeans/skirts in the winter. Even my taos slippers/house shoes were $4 and they were brand new at a thrift store. I have multiple leather purses that were purchased used (recently bought a leather Margot crossbody leather bag). My wallet was purchased new as a gift at Christmas. Most of my shoes were new, but bought on clearance or thrifted new. I recently mentioned to a friend that I had bought a dress I was wearing at a thrift store, and she was shocked to find out it was thrifted...when I told her probably 90% of my wardrobe is thrifted she just couldn't get over it.
I would guess most people think our pets are for people with money...we had two french bulldogs and a pug. Our first frenchie was before they were popular and less than $500. Our second one was a runt and the last puppy they had and she gave us a great deal. Our pug was from a rescue. The pug was not frugal after we paid for teeth issues, eye issues, an infection in her uterus (they didn't spay it before we got it because of the infection...we had to deal with the infection and then have her spay). The poor thing should have probably been put down, but we got her all fixed up and she made it a few more years and enjoyed life. We spent more on the rescue dog than we ever did the frenchies LOL.
Just about all of my clothes are from my favorite consignment store.Even shoes.I have to wear a brand called Vionic,for foot problems,they are very expensive and oddly enough they are always available in resale,almost new. I think the large arch support is uncomfortable for many people who buy them and they give up but they make MY feet feel great! I get $100-$150 shoes for around 20-30 dollars on ebay and resale stores.I found one pair of sandals for just 10 dollars, hardly worn! My clothes are really good brands and I love to dress nicely for movie dates, theater,etc.
All the books I read are from the cloud library and libby.
My husband and I sold our 2nd car when he retired..we do fine with one car.Less tires,oil changes, repairs,insurance, registration!! HUGE SAVINGS!!
I have placed a moratorium on ANY clothing purchases for one year. Even resale is over spending when you have ENOUGH CLOTHES in your closet!
Happy hours with the girls are always on someone’s patio with a bottle of Trader Joe wine and crackers and cheese. Never a fancy restaurant or bar. MUCH more fun! ANd so frugal.And since we all live on the same block, no driver needed!!
I ask for things I may want/need on our Buy Nothing page. Last year, I received a baby monitor I needed while caring for a sick family member, a waffle iron, a foot spa, and lots of free red grapefruit! I regularly post items I am clearing out from my closet,garage,etc..
Use our National Park pass for Seniors to go hiking in many local parks for free.Paid $10 for our pass! Lifetime.
I take a lot of pride in frugal living,which to me is just BEAUTIFUL LIVING while spending LESS MONEY! I love the thrill of the hunt for a bargain!
Groceries on sale, discount museum entry fees, raiding my parents' closets for clothes and wearing them for-ev-er.
@kristen, save enough money with stealth frugality and you could simultaneously be stealth wealthy.
So true! Best of both worlds.
Unfortunately, frugal is synonymous with cheap in too many minds. Cheap is forgoing despite any long term effects or repercussions. Cheap can be stealing - like taking all the sugar or jelly packets (or worse!) from your table at a restaurant. Cheap is often on someone else's dime.
Frugal is none of the above.
What a wonderful concept. Stealth frugality can help us be honest about what makes us happy, as most of us have discovered as adults that it's not consumer spending. I love beautiful fabrics and clothes and have learned to sew; my wardrobe includes many custom fitted clothes that suit me and the occasions in my life. I love good food and feeling well, so I cook. We live in a rural area that seems to thrive on pizza and burger joints, so eating at home is almost always better in every way. I also love theater and music, and the colleges near me offer a lot, and I splurge from time to time on great professional performances. The only time I am critical of my past working life (I have been officially retired for twelve years) is to consider how much happier I would have been in a different job. There aren't that many jobs in this area, however, so I usually conclude that earning some salary is better than none. When we were young and foolish, my husband and I used credit cards too often, and worked very hard to pay them all off. This has been a great lesson in the joy of living debt free which we continue to do. You can't tell by looking at a person whose mortgage is paid off, but it puts a spring in my step.
My hat is off to Kristen, as going back to school as an adult is not easy. I did it in my 40s for an M.A. degree, which made it possible to accept the job offer above. It was an important turning point in my life, personally and economically. I hope Kristen will find the same, and enjoy her nursing career and the good pay that will come with it.
Oh about 27 (?) years ago I took my son to Kindergarten and tried to engage with a few women. They were working full time jobs and said to me "you must be rich to be able to stay home". Not rich just very frugal in ways that would have blown those women's minds.
Because of my frugality my kids got to go on vacations with us to Disney World, Baltimore, Boston, and the Outer Banks in N.C. They also got to go for a week of sleep away church camp of which I took no scholarship money. My church was generous in giving me $500 towards the cost of hearing aids as both kids are hearing impaired,
Beside that I didn't really care about how my home look, I was happy with what I got via hand me down furniture. I took the kids to just about every free activity happening in our area. I made sure they got swimming lessons.
I did all this by being happy where I was planted and accepting the challenge of frugality even though people thought I was weird, I don't regret a minute of it.
I love them term "thrift rich". My furniture and thus my house look expensive, but it's all thrifted!
I also got Keep Moving from the library ... and then had to buy my own copy so I could fold down the pages and go back to some.
You have such a great attitude! I am so happy that you find JOY in spots that others might not look and help others to see that they too can find JOY if they look deeper. It's all about perspective, and you have it! Congratulations on continuing your education! I, too, have gone back to school at 43, and I am loving it. I will be a speech-language pathologist in the next 2 1/2 years. I'm ready to get out and help, just like you. We aren't done yet, just beginning. Blessings to you!
I don't write often but I wanted to tell you and your readers how much I enjoy the community you have built.
Reading the blog puts me
in good spirits.
Thanks, everyone .
(Grammar police give me some grace. Grammar isn't my strong suit)
Aww, Kathy, I'm glad you chimed in. And it's ok...we do not allow grammar police around here. 🙂
We’re taking a trip to NYC for our daughter’s 10th birthday. We:
-applied for an Amtrak credit card to get the 20,000 bonus points to essentially travel for free
-will be visiting MOMA for free by showing our ebt card
-are staying in a less-fancy district so our hotel is cheaper, and only getting a king for the 3 of us keeping our hotel cost as low as possible.
-plan to share a lot of meals so we don’t end up with leftovers we can’t take with us.
-will do lots of free “quintessential NYC” things like visiting Central Park, riding the Staten Island Ferry, wandering Times Square, and (maybe less quintessential) making our own Taylor Swift walking tour.
All of that will enable us to have something leftover for a nice dinner and maybe some small souvenirs at Strand Bookstore and the American Girl Store, fingers crossed!
YES to this whole post! It perfectly states what we feel about living more frugally. When people think of being frugal they think of being deprived but I don’t feel deprived! We eat delicious home cooked meals, our little house is just the right size for us, we go camping in the most beautiful of places, spend lazy days at the beach (lake, not ocean but what 5 year old knows the difference? Plus no sharks or rip tides), and watch and read whatever we want from the library. To answer your question about what out stealth frugality is: I make fancy snack tray for my kiddos after school. I use the nice vintage cut glass serving trays and chop up veggies and fancy cheese and sausage and pickles and fresh fruit. We go to the beach constantly in the summer. We do a big indoor waterpark every year but we stay in a VRBO condo there during the week instead of a hotel room on the weekend for a fraction of the price. I make fancy espresso drinks at home with my $15 stovetop espresso maker. It is the most underrated kitchen gadget ever.
Hi my name is Nathan Browne I have bipolar and I have found Frugal living not just a life style it represents a new way to live and recreate a better life as people say people can be replaced things you keep can be too meaning you can recreate your life no need to live a life of bad past experiences
Life also continues and people move on and find better ways to live and hope has also helped get me there I joined a church to find hope in the lock down I'm never lonely then and we make miracles happen in peoples lives we also do alot of charity work thankyou for your motivation
I'm debt free and I'm low income but I know how to create a good life out of nothing as I'm an artist and I design upcycled things I up cycle furniture clothing accessories jewelery I got my jobs at thrift stores as charity always hires and needs you to save the world remember that when you need a job to belong you will meet more people like you that love giving back I did it for five years I loved helping others
I love this post! I also live a life that is fairly frugal but may look more average or expensive from the outside.
I love to travel and save up for it, maximizing reward/credit points, booking through cashback sites, planning trips around what flight deals are available when I want to travel as opposed to picking a location before knowing the costs associated, cooking some meals, staying in cheap/free accommodations, walk around free museums and parks, etc.
I also own Kate Spade items, often gifted from family or bought on very deep discount/clearance. I sign up for the first discounted subscription boxes of wine, organic snacks, etc. before cancelling.
I buy some pricier food / household products I like in bulk at Costco or on clearance/sale, especially from TJ Maxx, Big Lots, or other big box discount stores.
I plan which local restaurants I go to based on deals for each day of the week (such as wine nights with half price glasses and/or bottles).
I repair items, save stuff from the curb, utilize buy nothing, borrow books, buy secondhand, and shop sales. It all adds up!