What's the point in decorating a temporary rental?
Last night, a follower messaged me on Instagram to tell me that she is going through a separation prior to a divorce, and as a result, she's had to move out of her home and into a rental.
She said she was feeling a little like, "What's even the point of decorating a rental if it's just a temporary home?", although she was feeling a little more inspired after watching me work at decorating my current rental.
She's also feeling defeated, and a bit like a failure due to starting over again later in adulthood, and that's immobilizing her a bit.
So, I thought, hmm, maybe I should write a post about the reasons I'm busy making my rental into a home!
(If you're new, here's a post about why I am currently living in a rental even though I own a house.)
1. A year is not insignificant
I signed a one-year lease, so I'm going to be here at least until May 2023, and possibly longer than that.
While that's not as long a timeline as one would have in mind when purchasing a house, it is also not an insignificant amount of time.
I am never going to get to live those 365 days again, and I might as well live them in a home that feels...homey!
2. I have control over making my house a home
In the midst of serious life upheaval like this, there is a lot that is out of my hands.
But my rental IS in my hands! I can decorate it and make it cozy and beautiful and no one can stop me. 😉 This is kind of a reassuring feeling.
3. If I didn't decorate my rental, I'd just be punishing myself
I left the house that I made into a home, and that was hard enough.
But I don't have to continue the misery by living in an undecorated rental! I can soothe the had-to-leave-my-house wound a little by making this house just as homey as I made my previous house.
4. A beautiful home is important to ME
I like to be in a space that feels tidy, is clean and comfortable, and looks as beautiful as possible. I know this doesn't matter equally to everyone, but it's important to me.
I'd feel more depressed and unsettled if I didn't try to decorate my rental.
5. I'm not making a home just for me
I would decorate even if I was on my own, but having my girls with me is extra motivation to make this house a home.
They've experienced some traumatic upheaval (which is not remotely their faults!), and the least I can do is make this house a place that feels comfortable, peaceful, and settled.
The people who live here matter, so it is not a waste of time to make this house a home.
6. I like the challenge
I'm working within some constraints here. For instance, I have a limited budget, and there's only so much I can do to this house because it's a rental (no cabinet painting for me, alas!).
But I find these constraints to be motivating...like, "Ok, challenge accepted! Let's see what I can manage to pull off in these circumstances."
7. I think beauty is possible almost anywhere
It's not like beauty is only available in homes you buy, or homes you live in for 25 years.
I do not have to wait for those secure circumstances in order to have beauty around me. I can bring beauty and create order, here, now, even in the midst of a fair amount of life disorder.
8. Nothing is made better by not decorating
I see zero advantages to the, "Why bother with decorating?" approach.
Living in an undecorated rental won't bring back my old home and it won't make my life more settled. It'll just make me feel sad and stuck.
I might as well embrace where I am and make the best of it!
9. Decorating helps me focus on what I CAN do
It is really easy to get sucked into thinking about what I can't do (I can't add windows. I can't paint walls. There's no point in buying bushes or planting bulbs.).
And it's easy to get sucked into thinking about what I've lost (my lovely white hydrangea bush! my daffodil bulbs! my painted cabinets! my granite countertops!).
I do think there's a time and place for grieving those real and significant losses, and believe me, I have cried plenty of angry tears over this.
But it is also helpful to turn my thoughts to what I can do.
Even just typing out that list of what I've lost gave me a pit in my stomach, but when I turn my thoughts to what I am working on here at my rental, the pit goes away and the dark clouds lift a little.
10. Making a home feels like defiance instead of defeat
I really sympathize with the person who messaged me; in these shoes, it is easy to feel like a defeated failure! Losing a home and a life you worked so hard for and starting over in your 40s can be rather demoralizing (to say the least.)
To me, defeat means losing hope and then giving up. This is an awful feeling, and I much prefer to have an attitude of defiance.
Like, "Ok, life has thrown me a terrible curve ball, but I'll be darned if I'm going to let this ruin me. I'm going to carry on and make things as awesome as I can."
___________________
So. That's why I'm decorating, even though this is "just a rental." 🙂
Kristen, this post is a perfect example of the reasons I've followed your blog since I stumbled across it more than six years ago. I have a great respect for the way you live your life, celebrate its joys and tackle its difficulties. As with this issue of decorating a rental, your attitude toward any situation seems to be both realistic and optimistic, with the added components of compassion and empathy always included. Your message here is a powerful one, and I have no doubt it will encourage many people, not just the person who posed the question, to view a difficult situation as an opportunity and a challenge to "make it better". Your honesty and positivity is refreshing - thanks for just being you!
@Mary ~ Reflections Around the Campfire,
I couldn't have said it any better--ditto to what you said!
@Lisa, this is why I am here as well! Great post today, as always.
@Mary ~ Reflections Around the Campfire, Beautifully said. Another ditto here.
@Mary ~ Reflections Around the Campfire
What Mary said!
@Mary: Yes!!!!
@Monika, yes to all of the above!
Perfectly explained! So many excellent points. I never thought about it like this, but yes, it's like punishing myself for not making a "temporary" home feel like home. And "temporary" is relative, anyway.
I've been in more rentals than I care to count (after being a homeowner several times), and doing what I can to make it feel like home always helps. You've motivated me to keep going.
I decorate because I buy small simple places and live there while I fix them up then sell them and move on to the next project. But the places I remember and love are not all shiny new surfaces. Like my Gram's old sleeping porch, or a neighbor's hard scrubbed old kitchen table we would sit around and play cards or eat fresh warm cookies. A line from the book "One hundred million years of food", just a rocking chair, a few shelves of incomprehensible books, a bottle of fish sauce, a rice cooker, some crumpled old linen towels, and the soft light of day streaming through the window..
I love that place and I've never even seen it. I don't think you have to make a place into a show pony to be comfortable and happy there. I like clean and I like simple, beyond that not so much. But sparkly places sell so that's why I do it.
Yes! We sold our house this past spring, while the market was good, so that we could use the profits to build a mortgage-free house. Being mortgage-free is awesome, but we’ve been building our house around us for the past few months, while we live in it with our kids and pets, which is challenging and chaotic. I’m a compulsive nester, and sometimes I make myself laugh by putting pretty flowers on the table or hanging my summer wreath on the door when I don’t even have proper walls or siding on the outside of my house, but those things really make a difference to me! They become the focal point, so instead of looking around and thinking that we have so much work to do and the walls are so ugly, my eyes go straight to the bouquet and I think about how pretty the flowers are. I try to make sure there are pockets of comfort and joy, even in the chaos, and it anchors us and relieves us.
@Sarah, when we were remodeling a while back, I hung what I thought was pretty fabric around the framing for the bathroom, to create walls and a sense of privacy where there was none. Thankfully the kids were little, and we all made the best of it. Your last thought, about "pockets of comfort and joy" really resonates with me. It can be applied to so many things in life <3. Thanks for your comments. They inspire me.
@Sarah, "pockets of comfort and joy, even in the chaos" -- I love that.
@Sarah, I am one of those people that chooses a "word of the year" to focus on and organize my intentions around. Last year I chose the phrase "comfort and joy" because it is something we need always, wherever we find ourselves, and I wanted to cultivate that in my life.
@Sarah, this is beautiful, God bless you and your family!
@Sarah, everyone: the short version is that having a nice environment is comforting, and having a non-nice one when we don't have it, is like punishing ourselves. When I moved into my current place, someone had already done the decorating (long story) and the difference was stunning. Even when it was nothing but me, a thousand boxes, and weeks of work to do, the place felt like home because the rugs were down and the decorations up. For that matter, even 2.5 years on, I still smile when I look up from my WFH station because I'm surrounded by books.
I would also tell the person it can be a healthy distraction for just a few moments, if nothing else. Something positive at a time where there may be a lot of negative.
@Jennifer, Also, time would be different without the previous partner's presence. Fill it with good, constructive, things, even tiny moves that will have long comforting effects.
Yes! Your environment, esp. at home, is so important to a feeling of well-being, mastery and calm. In our first apt. we "camped out," not wanting to spend on the temporary. After that we decided to make each dwelling a comfortable and pleasant home. I so liked your statement of enjoying working within constraints. I do as well, but I have never worded it so succinctly. It is using whatever place you are living in to its best.
Kudos to you, Kristen, for your strength and service--not just in this difficult time--as a role model to all of your readers, your girls--everyone who knows you.
Your photos show a light, happy, pretty atmosphere, which is just what all of you need. I truly wish you all the best life can offer from this second forward. Thank you for posting and being so uplifting, real and cheery.
Well said. The lovely rehabbed furniture can also move on with you when the time comes.
Yes! I keep reminding myself of that as I work on my furniture; this effort is an investment that will pay dividends for years to come when I settle into future homes.
Hi Kristen! Thank you so much for sharing this post. So much of it resonates with me. I know that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and the angry feelings thinking about how much I’ve lost. But I’m going to be carrying on and making my life as awesome as possible right along with you! ❤️
Right there with you, friend. Sometimes, when I'm feeling discouraged, I listen to Sia's "Never Give Up" because it helps me channel that sadness into stubborn energy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6Ol3eprKiw
Kristen - Simply put, you are a resilient & tenacious survivor. When faced with inevitable challenges in this life, one can sink or swim. Moral of the story: Never give up! Thank you for being an inspiration.
Thank you for this wonderful post. It is thought provoking and positive.
I suspect that at some point in time (we are in our mid-sixties and in good health) I will be faced with moving to a less permanent home, like a retirement home, senior apartment, etc. These are thoughts that will apply to that situation as well.
@K D, I'm in the same position as you: I want to stay in our beautiful home as long as I can, but I know that physical or other challenges may require me to relocate. If and when I do, I hope to be able to do it with your and Kristen's resilience and spirit.
And thank you once again, Kristen--not only for this post, but for everything you do.
You know what this made me think of? People who endure long hospital stays! I have seen that so many of them decorate their hospital rooms to make them more home-like and less sterile.
And yes, your point is such a good one too. We can make a senior apartment or room into a homey space too, when the time comes.
@Kristen, This. When my grandmother had an extended hospital stay, she loved having her pillow and a hand-made blanket.
I started over when I was 40 and had 2 little boys. I agree with everything you said about why you make your rental house a home. For me, it was mostly about believing my smaller family deserved a beautiful home. Being a family of 3 was not my plan, but it was my reality. Our children will go through trials and challenges in life. How we respond to our trials and challenges will show them how to go through theirs.
Yes. Unfortunately yes and believe me, starting over in your 50s is even less easy. Especially when chronically ill.
I still feel miserable when I think of our beloved family home, all the treasured antiques I had to sell to pay for bail money and psychiatrists and tuition, things the kids needed and my ex refused to help with. Jewelry stolen from me.
But I'm never going to give up. I deserve an attractive place to live, to share with my kids, and I've done it and will keep on doing it in the future. Hang pictures, pick flowers, put out your treasures and they will make a home.
Just typing this left my stomach in knots.
Oh friend, I get you. I had the same experience writing this post last night, thinking of the things I have lost. Anger and sadness (the injustices!!!) bubble up in me so easily when I think along those lines. I try not to dwell there too long because oof, it is debilitating.
Multiple things that are true at the same time: awful injustices happened to you. AND you have been making a good new life for yourself. I hope you can make space to hold both of those truths.
@Rose, Hang in there! You are so strong. 🙂
@Rose, I think the hardest lesson all of us learn is how darned unfair life is. I'm still raging and shaking my fist at certain situations, I struggle with them daily.
@Rose,
I am so sorry, Rose. This sounds so frustrating, and I don't blame you one bit for feeling miserable. Congratulations though on your tenacity, perseverance, and stubborn spirit, which is inspiring to me, and is a blessing to your children, (P.S. I hope you saw my reply to your post from Monday). Kudos on never giving up.
@Rose,
Many of us know personally similar losses. I would not ever tell you not to mourn the absence (under very challenging circumstances) of things you love. We humans, myself included, do get attached to our "stuff" and that is not, inherently, a bad thing. Why pretend we do not like things we love?
But, and there is the but, one of the hardest lessons of life is letting go (whether by choice or having it imposed on us) of what has "left" our lives, whether people, pets, objects, homes.
Attachment as the Buddhists remind us, is where we create the suffering. Pain is inevitable with loss, but suffering is not. It is a hard choice we must make.
You should congratulate yourself for doing what you can to live in the new circumstances of your life and bringing beauty and love to it.
As mature adults, we learn that life is indeed, unfair. But it's what we choose to do even while we face circumstances that suck, that allows us to live fully.
Don't give up, Rose. Our lives can change with every breath we take...and for the better. (A line from a movie that for the life of me I can't remember but that always impressed me.)
@Rose, I am so sorry for your hardships. My mom passed in 1975. My dad remarried in 1976. At first I was in his will 50/50. When he passed in 2017 I got 0. Including nothing from my natural mother. It all went to charity. i was an only child and did not deserve the shabby treatment.
Thanks, folks, I'm crying a bit now, because the whole renter eviction thing which I've detailed in the past is just crushing me, and I so miss my semi-engagement ring--we couldn't have afforded anything when we got married, and years later, on a very happy afternoon, my ex and I walked down Fifth Avenue looking in all the jewelry stores for the One. My ex found it and said it was beautiful "but too expensive." I said, "let's see that one" and it was and we bought it and it was stolen a year or so ago and I'll never see it again.
Objects are a security blanket for me. I don't apologize for wishing I still had my great-great-grandmother's ring, which who knows where it is now. I don't even know if I can work today, this is so upsetting to me.
But thanks, guys, I hope I can live up to being as strong as people credit me with.
@Anita Isaac, "step-parents" can be amazingly cruel. I'm an only as well and even though I visited my dad till the end (and thought we had a decent relationship), I, too, got zero and his hateful wife didn't even list me in his obituary or call me when he passed.
@Rose, I am so sorry and wish I had something profound to say that would help. You have an admirable amount of strength, to keep on putting one foot in front of the other instead of simply giving up. What a great role model for your kids!
I want to share a quote with you that has motivated me for the past thirty years. (I’m 75 now.). It was written by Viktor Frankl who survived the German concentration camps and went on to become a noted psychiatrist. Here goes:
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
That sentence, along with God’s promise that he will never leave me or forsake me, has made such a difference in my life.
@Jennifer Jones, Victor Frankl was à gift from God. Thanks for binging him up.
I have moved 4 times in our 6 years of marriage (my husband has moved 5). I have had 6 addresses (2 were temporary addresses while I lived in-between moves for up to 2 months). I am so thankful you answered this question! Our last move to Virginia for 1.5-2 yrs has been the hardest for me to feel “at home”. I love the house & our landlord is great with letting us use the yard & garden as we would like.
However we lost 1/4 of our items in the move and many items were damaged. A year after we were allowed to remove the damaged items and begin again.
I always set up the kitchen first, as that is what makes a home for me. When the kitchen is right it doesn’t matter what the rest is like, we are home. For my husband it is books & music (records). In our next house it will also be our garden. We move again in 7-9 months; adventure awaits!
OMGsh, I just love your outlook - you're so inspiring. I get caught up in "what's the point" a lot but I really am just punishing myself. Thanks for the reminder to be positive.
Right on! It makes a difference to arrange your space to suit you.
“Temporary “ has a sneaky way of stretching out, for both good and bad reasons. Before purchasing our first house this past spring, we lived in the same apartment for a decade! We initially moved under duress (flea infestation thanks to shared duct work, plus crummy neighbors at the previous building), and we were just glad to find something in our price range so quickly. We didn’t mean to stay at our last apartment so long but had the good fortune of happy reasons to do so, plus the added fortune of finding our house when we did, at the price we did. At the end of that decade, that apartment was our home, and we both teared up when leaving. The final cleaning gauntlet was both a “farewell” and a “thank you.” Finding that particular below-market apartment helped us save for the house, and we remain grateful for that “temporary” stepping stone to greater things.
So far as making a temporary home yours goes, there are many renter-friendly ways to do so. Contact paper is magic, and simply swapping drawer pulls can change the feel of a kitchen or bathroom. If you stay long enough to build a good relationship with your landlord, you might be surprised what they will let you paint, plant, or what suggestions they’ll be open to (installing extra towel rods, for example).
I really admire you and others who have a knack for decorating. I am someone who needs a rather minimalist environment so as long as it is clutter-free I feel perfectly at home. My husband is really the one who notices blank walls and makes the effort to put up pictures. However, this post has inspired me to take a look around with fresh eyes and put up some pictures that have been languishing in the basement since our most recent move! And to finally hang up my diplomas that are propped on the floor of my work office...
Kristen, you’re the phoenix rising from the ashes! Your post expresses your hope and determination so beautifully. The way you are surrounding yourself with beauty and light in the midst of a dark situation is truly inspiring. You’re choosing that “ beauty for ashes, oil of joy for mourning, garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness” that God promises. I know you’re still dealing with the sadness and anger but you’re stoking the fire of hope as you’re positively and creatively making your current living space your home. I’m so proud of you!
Kristen:
Your explanation was so kind and patient in the face of the deeply ingrained prejudice that people who rent are somehow "less than". Bottom line - unless your home is paid off free and clear - you're still renting - just from the bank/mortgage company. If you decorate a rental or mortgaged house - it's still your home. You might as well enjoy your surroundings.
Good points, Kristen! As an extension to point 5, I would add that how you approach these circumstances sets an example for your children on how to manage and adjust to challenges, being so resourceful and positive. I'm sure it will resonate with them beyond the physical setting.
Kristen, I couldn't imagine you not making a space you live in comfy and personal. That's just how you roll. And if next year you need to renew your lease, then you are well-prepared to go on living in a nicely decorated home.
I know this house is not your own home, but how it and you got together, and all the pieces you rescued from the Treasure House, and how so many circumstances came together to bring you furniture are stories of great joy. (((HUGS)))
Lovely post. I wanna add that I have never owned a home (and who knows if I ever will). If I had thought decorating a rental was a waste of time, I'd have miserable homes. I remember thinking "I'll only be here for x years", but I try telling myself that something nice will make me happy every day and if that's 600 days, it's so worth it. Also, many objects can move with me.
PS.: I am so with you on "a space that feels tidy, is clean and comfortable, and looks as beautiful as possible". I struggle with this right now with a young toddler (food is always everywhere it seems?!) and a full-time job. How did you cope when your kids where very young?
You do a lot of wiping! 🙂
You can also try "no food or drink in the living room" and sitting at the table to eat.
I have fond memories of squished grapes on the carpet... made for a really sticky stain that really never came out completely. O well.
@Ingrid, the living room and the dining area are unfortunately one (small) room 😉
When my husband died, I looked around at all of the things at my house that I had wanted to change; things I had harped on him to fix but we never seemed to have the time, money, motivation...Suddenly I had loads of time on my hands and I alone could make the choices of what to keep, what to toss, how to decorate, what to repair. It felt overwhelming at first, but I have leaned into it and now it feels empowering. What does Gina want? is my new mantra. I didn't choose to lose my husband, but I can choose to make my home comfortable and beautiful for me. For no matter how long I stay here, which may be 5 years, may be less, who knows. Its a big house for one person. But even assuming I will sell it, I still wanted things fixed, useable, pretty, and organized. It gives me feelings of satisfaction and control in the midst of grief and loss.
@gina, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like you are choosing to make the best of very hard circumstances. Prayers as you continue to learn how to live your new normal.
@gina, I'm in a similar situation to yours, even though my DH is still technically living and yours is not. (And if I haven't said so previously, I'm so sorry for your loss.) All the choices are in my hands as well, and I'm trying to move ahead and start making more of them. Kudos to you.
I just love your outlook on life! I would also decorate/ organise/ make pretty because I feel better having things around that make me happy. And I don't think there is a problem with that.
Students experience similar change when moving out on their own. Moving our daughter into her apartment was initially overwhelming, then very tiring, but by day three was very rewarding. It is a furnished apartment, but everything was quite dirty. She has celiac so we scrubbed everything (all surfaces!), and she vacuumed daily for a week. She was shocked at the amount of dirt that kept releasing from the carpeting and upholstered furniture. We realized that the wooden bed frame was broken, and the mattress springs were ruined. The office replaced both on day 2, and we added a 4" mattress topper to add some comfort to the rock hard mattress--she loves her bed now!
Because she has celiac, she cooks all meals in her apartment; there is one restaurant in town that guarantees a gluten-free meal with no cross-contamination. To that end, she chose beautiful ceramic dishes on sale at Marshall's, a set of high end flatware on serious clearance, a dark blue teapot, a lime green electric kettle, a small blue microwave, a pink toaster, and a few good pans, pillows to add support to the worn furniture, and her favorite quilt from home. One thing that I've found interesting is that she uses jam jars of different sizes for glasses. She loves her new home, and has thanked us many times for helping her have such a nice place to live--and she really learned the value of white vinegar 🙂
I'd add to this list the fact that you are an example of positivity and resilience in the face of adversity - for your girls and the rest of us.
I fully agree with all points.
I was thinking the other day how wonderful it must be for even your new neighbours, that you are making a loved home of your rental place (the post box flag! ).
I would recommend getting some bulbs when a good opportunity arises, if de constraints allow. It would give you something to look forward to in your garden.
Yes, yes to all of this. Especially with kids, one wants them to feel at home, but even without kids, we all need to feel at home as well.
When life is in disarray, I think it makes sense to bring calm and peace to even a temporary space. For me to come home after a stressful day and see my favorite art on the wall, a treasured hand-me-down on the shelf, a house furnished with things I like; I can just feel my spirit saying, "Ahhhh."
You gave such a good response, Kristen, that I don't think we can add or improve on it, just heartily endorse it.
This post is exactly why everyone loves you Kristen. Your positive outlook and ability to see beauty in the midst of a storm is inspiring! And you've always shown that quality, ever since I've been reading your blog (over 10 years). That quality doesn't come natural to me (it does to my Mother and I'm in awe of her) but I am really trying to establish that. While I'm not going thru the same storm as you, I have my own struggles that I am really trying to find the beauty in.
Always love your outlook, Kristen. Great post as always.
Kristen, I absolutely love your positive attitude! You encourage so many more than you may know!
As a military family, I can understand the importance of making a rental homey. Even if it’s for a short stint, it makes all the difference in the world! Framing pictures that make you laugh and smile (as opposed to the perfectly posed glamour shots), burning candles/wax melts/diffuser etc. to fill the house with nice smells and bringing fresh flowers and plants inside have always been uplifting for me. Also, the challenge to fitting your possessions into a new space can be an exciting challenge! Making a beautiful space with what you have can be so satisfying in itself!
I love your attitude and approach to life!
I'm a product of divorce and was raised by a single mom in a series of rather depressing old, inner city apartments. When I look back, I see how poor we were and how bad our circumstances were, but my mom always made moving seem like an adventure, she always gave me the best bedroom and she always made sure to get new blinds or curtains and put our pictures on the walls as soon as we moved. In two of the apartments, she got permission to paint and painted my bedrooms my favorite color. Even though we lived in less than desirable residences, they always felt like home because of my mom's efforts.
Yes! I gave Zoe the pick of the bedrooms when we got this rental; I figured that she deserved it. 🙂
@Bobi,
Thank you for sharing that. It’s a reminder of the very real difference we parents can make in our children’s lives, even when we think we don’t have much to give. A great attitude makes a world of difference.
@Kristen,
When my daughter and her ex split and she moved to a rental for a year, she let my granddaughter have the best bedroom. It's the little things that help the kids manage.
I applaud your attitude!! I have done the same. Each place we live should be home. You do have choices regarding how your space is so i think you can and should make them. A year is a long time to just exist somewhere. I have even painted (with permission) a rental i was in for only a year. God created a beautiful world for us so we should do the same. Maybe your reader needs encouragement or a partner to help her. I will pray she finds someone. Loved this post. Some people can never own a home so this applies so well to them.
Please hear these words: HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE!!! I moved over 15 times when I was married (once to Kuwait with two toddlers, for five years!), and no matter your grief or your feeling of displacement, of failure, of being a lost waif in the wilderness, your heart will make a home where you are. Hopefully you have a few touchstones; for me it was a battered copy of "The Night Before Christmas" for reading on Christmas Eve, and the baby pictures of the kids. Even if you've lost everything in a fire or flood, you have to take a deep breath and create a home. Home is in your heart, and especially if you have children, and it is amazing and wonderful how far that heart will go. Believe me.
Lisey and Zoe each separately said to me, "Mom, wherever you are will be home to me." Which is very lovely to hear. Home is people, not a place.
Kristen, this post speaks to me so loudly! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Although our circumstances are different as I'm not facing the uncertainty of my future because of divorce but instead a terminal illness diagnosis (stage 4 cancer), it comes down to a similar set of feelings and needs. I am defying the odds right now, doing well with my chemotherapy and immunotherapy and want to do things to make my home happy, safe, organized and beautiful. I know some are asking why make more work for myself but it's exactly for the reasons you've listed, all of them. And especially for my girls who will be left with this house someday, although not any time soon, haha.
I'm so moved by you putting down my thoughts exactly, I'm printing this post so when the doubt hits me I can read it again. Thank you, again. I think we might share a brain, lol!
@Leann, hooray for you! 🙂
@Leann, it's inspiring that with all you have going on, you have clarity around what you want for your surroundings. To exert effort around the things you can impact vs. the things you can't is so powerful. Wishing you the best with your treatments - I hope they are effective and quick.
@Leann, Good for you! My BFF has stage 4 colon cancer and not all that long left, but she heroically downsized her enormous family home filled with generations of stuff and bought a small, adorable house just for her, and is now enjoying make it just what she wants. She is so admirable and so are you!
@Leann, all the best to you as you move forward in a very tough set of circumstances.
@Leann, Holy smoke, Leann! When my husband was diagnosed with cancer and given a terminal diagnosis I let the entire world around me slide. I turned into a crying, heaving lump. (Then cisplatin hit the market and was the miracle it was promised to be.) Then I got ill and was told to go home from the hospital in Seattle and enroll in hospice. Again I let the entire world slide, refusing to shower or get out of bed or engage in life in any fashion, for months. It was not until after a last ditch surgery saved my life that I stopped acting like one of the living dead. I am so filled with admiration that you not only go on in the face of your diagnosis but you function and find joy and hope and are such a positive example to your girls.
I am always so impressed with how you are handling such a challenging situation. And I am delighted to hear that your treatments are working so well...may you continue to defy the odds!
@Rose, I am amazed that your BFF could do this, my biggest issue is the awful fatigue I feel from chemo/immunotherapy. It slows me down for sure and I'm not sure I'd be able to do all your friend has done. Amazing woman, she is! I hope she gets to enjoy her lovely home for some time.
@Lindsey, I do think my girls keep me going forward and staying positive, not at all sure how I would be without them to motivate me to live my best life for however long that is. There may be a time when I can't but for now I can. Thank you for your kind words.
@Kristen, Aww, thanks Kristin, you are so kind. As for my treatments, I was told just over a year ago that I had a year to live and I thought, no way. I'm not dying anytime soon! And I've been so lucky with incredible care and support that I made this come true. I'm just finishing a chemo cycle now and heading for some tent camping, I'm so pleased I'm able to do this. And yes, here's to defying the odds!
This makes me smile so big. Yay!
I will probably always live in rentals and you can't control if you need to move year to year, for various reasons (rent increase, problem neighbors, etc.). If I don't decorate a rental, I will never live in any place that feels at all like home.
What a wonderful statement in favor of life. I was a single mother and lived in various apartments for years. Of course I made each apartment a reflection of us. Why wouldn't I? Surroundings are hugely important to me, and even if they weren't my young children deserved a real home.
I will say, I would have given my right arm to have had your parents. Have you given any thought to renting them out? 😀
This is my first time posting, but I have read along for about 10 months now. I don't remember where I found your blog, but I am SO glad I did! Kristen, I love your honesty, positive outlook, and the community you have built here. Everyone is so kind to each other, even when they have differing opinions, and there is no politics, which I adore!
My dad was in the Air Force all my life until I was in 9th grade when he retired, my husband was in the Army all our married life until he retired about 20 years ago (and we've still moved 3 times since then!). I always watched my mom create a warm, inviting home everywhere that my dad was stationed and I picked it up from her as well. Opening the front door when you come home in the evening after work and seeing your own beautiful space, no matter how temporary, always instills a peace inside me. Though my decor has changed many times through the years, I always try to put "us" into each home we have lived in. We've been homeowners for many years, but when we have guests I am almost always complimented on how warm and cozy my house feels.
Aww, I'm so glad you commented!
And yes, military people are experts at making temporary homes. We could learn a lot from them.
This may be one of your best posts, EVER.
You have brilliantly shown how you are turning a life-changing, tumultous time (emotionally, financially and otherwise) into a life-affirming situation where you create beauty, peace and harmony...regardless of the chaos of your change.
In my 20s, living in a rental (one I was lucky enough to afford here in a very big city, among the most expensive in the US) and just going on about my life with friends and work. I hadn't even thought about whether or not I would marry or have children (really, just didn't even think about it while dating), and because I spent so much time traveling for work, had not really put a lot into my apartment's furnishings. (It was also a time before Facebook Marketplace, NextDoor and Craigslist and dozens of web sites to get our hands on cheap or free recycled furniture and such.)
But in my early 30s, out of the blue, I just decided that I wasn't waiting for the "good stuff" in my life to show up via wedding or engagement presents. I fully committed to making my home my permanent home as it were ( affording a home to buy on my own was not even remotely possible) and went on a mad shopping spree. I fitted out my kitchen. Bought some used furniture that was still in great shape; headed to Ikea and gratefully accepted some castoffs from friends who were moving.
It's been several decades since then and, luckily, I am STILL in that apartment (The city is just too expensive to move in and has been for decades, too, for someone with a modest income.)
I have never ever regretted the investment I made initially and then over the years.
Wherever you are, it is the only life you have in that moment. So why not make the best of it?
It is NOT defeat as you say to exist in what may or may not be an extended period.
In fact, it is a commitment to live your best life, no matter the circumstances.
I so love that you took the time to fully share your reasons with the reader who wrote you. I hope it inspires her to commit to where she is.
None of us knows the future. Plenty of people, single, married and otherwise, purchased homes and ended up losing them due to circumstances often way beyond their control (medical illness and debt; divorce; losing jobs, etc.) It is heartbreaking but, if we choose, survivable. With the right attitude (which does not mean pretending everything is just fine; it isn't) and determination, it is indeed defiance of circumstances to create a peaceful and beautiful (which is one's own definition) abode.
@Irena, Love this!
I have lived in rentals more than I have lived in homes that I have owned. Rentals are always temporary, especially in a housing market where the landlord has the upper hand. Monthly rent can be increased suddenly to an unaffordable amount, or the tenant can be kicked out with little notice for no reason. That said, even though these rented placed were not my house, they were my home. An important distinction. And my home has always been my sanctuary, my safe place, my nest, so I always put the effort in to make it as warm, welcoming, and comfortable for myself as possible. It was always done on the cheap with lots of DIY. I can paint and I can sew, so that helped too. I love being creative, so it was a fun challenge.
Excellent outlook!
The most temporary living circumstance I've been in was when we lived in an apartment for 2 months between houses (when we moved to a different state). I did not hang anything on the walls or hang curtains, because the apartment complex charged $25 per nail hole in the wall. I did, however, make things as neat and tidy as possible. Most of our belongings were in a storage unit anyhow.
When we moved to our new house, I realized that in our previous house (which we had lived in for 11 years), I had put decorating on hold because I didn't have much money to spend. I have approached decorating differently in our current house, and it feels much more welcoming and cozy.
Feathering your nest and making your home feel comfortable and beautiful to Y OU is part of loving oneself.It sounds like This lovely woman is no doubt depressed and who can blame her.. but I hope she finds strength (and some friends to help her!) to begin making her own home a comforting and beautiful place for her own Soul!!
Yes, she was telling me that watching me feather my nest has inspired her to do the same, so I think she's doing her best to move forward in difficult circumstances.
This feels almost silly to say bc my home is still my home. But thank you for the perspective! My son is starting high school, a brick and mortar high school and we’ve home-schooled till now. It’s all a good thing, but I’m feeling slightly unhinged at the change that’s coming! My roll will change significantly. I’m feeling a little lost. This post really gave me a kick in the pants, mentally speaking! Time for an perspective change, I think. Much love to you Kristen, and to your follower who is going through a separation. Change is hard, on so. Many. Levels. Keep your chin up abs thank you for helping me to keep MY chin up. 🙂
I love this! It's how I try to view my life. Anytime I get down on myself for something I try to think of the positive things. I know you are not exactly where you want to be, but feel like you are going in the right direction. You are such an inspiration!! It's also why I have been faithfully reading for over ten years. That and I love your recipes. I have been sending banana muffins to camp with my kiddos this week and last, made with your recipe of course:) My youngest (9) told me one morning, "Thank you mommy for putting a banana muffin in my lunch box." Gotta love it!
Such a fantastic post. You're honest - what you're going through isn't all roses but you are making choices that make your life better. Talk about taking your fate into your own hands. Rock on, sister!
Dear Kristen and the reader who sent in this question, I didn't know how much I needed to read this post until I did. I am also in my 40's and currently separated from my spouse although my situation is flipped as I am the one that remained in the home. I feel though that this post speaks to something that has been bothering me: the small home repairs left undone, projects left in limbo, and empty closets, drawers, nightstands, etc. Thank you for reminding me that this is my children's and my home still and instead of thinking of it as half-empty and incomplete, I can now slowly mold it to what we need right now to make our lives easier and happier.
Hugs to you, Cindy. I'm so sorry that you are walking this hard path too.
And yes, you can make your space what you need it to be! There's some power to be found in thinking that way. 🙂
This post helped me recognize that surroundings impact people differently. Maybe it's because I moved a lot in my young adulthood or because we moved a bunch when my kids were little...but the decor isn't a priority for me; we've lived in our current house for over a year and there's so much I *should* be doing to make it feel finished. I'm fine with it (I think my husband is too). But maybe my kids aren't. Maybe they would feel more secure or more comfortable if things felt more complete. It's given me some food for thought - thanks again for making my gears turn!
I think you should go ahead and plant some bulbs. They are cheap, produce fairly reliable and maintenance-free flowers, and they transplant pretty easily. Better yet, go dig up a few from your other house. You deserve all the beautiful things, and most truly beautiful things are ephemeral anyway.
Well said, and I and my family are continuing to pray for you! I'm reminded of the Laura Ingalls Wilder books and how, no matter where they ended up, certain objects made the house/shack/shanty/dugout truly home.
We're not guaranteed another moment of our lives, so I feel strongly that we should live the time we're given to the fullest. I also feel like staying "engaged" in life by decorating and living as fully as possible keeps us from becoming complacent and apathetic and, eventually, hopeless.
We lived in 3 different apartments, each for around a year, and decorated each of them. For me it was an opportunity to be content with where I was, even though I knew each one was only temporary. If you have to wait, you might as well wait somewhere pretty and comfortable!
Hi Everyone! My first post but I read every.single.day( for years!) and am so grateful for such a beautiful site to visit.
For some reason today I just felt like I had to finally hit the reply button.
Kristen~ you have such a way with words. You speak to all of us but doubt you know any of us. You have such a special family; such a special heart. You will be a wonderful nurse!
Readers~ you are all such a kind and loving community. I feel like I know who wrote their reply without seeing the name first.
Enjoy this beautiful day and thank you all for speaking from your heart. You have ALL helped me every day in some small way with your positivity and outlook on life! (And advice!) ❤️
Ohhh, I love this! Several readers are commenting for the first time today. I am so glad you joined us. 🙂
I’ve read this blog for a while and for those in a rental there are some helpful ideas here:
https://thehomesihavemade.com
Her situation is different (military family, and rental homes are usually very nice), but a great place for inspiration!
I will never understand why people don’t want to make their home beautiful and comfortable, we love and appreciate beautiful spaces in nature.
Our surroundings definitely affect us. Why not make it the best we can?
Beautifully written. It's important for our mental/emotional health to have a place that feels like home to go to, even (or maybe especially) when life feels temporary an unpredictable. None of us knows how many days we have left to walk this earth and we may as well live them as fully as possible.
Along similar lines, when I was pregnant for the first time, my mom told me to make sure I had at least one maternity outfit that made me look and feel terrific. She said that it's a time in life when women don't feel attractive and that it was important to combat that by taking active steps to feel better about myself. I have found that her wisdom goes far beyond pregnancy--there have been many times when my overriding thoughts were, "Why bother?", but I found that when I DID go to the bother to look presentable, that it had an impact far beyond what I saw when I looked in the mirror.
@Kris, that is such great advice from your mom. I love it.
Most apartments I've lived in was ok w walls getting painted. As long as you painted back to white before leaving. I painted a couple accent walls. That way it added character without having to paint all the walls.
Yes, thank you for this!! I went through a divorce unexpectedly in my late 30s after more than a decade of marriage. Now almost 5 years removed from that, I can say the key for me in the early days of uncertainty was making small, positive changes for me -- both to bring me small bouts of happiness when I dearly needed it and to show myself I could move forward on my own if I needed to. That included redecorating the marital home I planned to sell in a way that made me happy, not to increase its value for resale purposes. It's an important time of life to care for yourself and kids with kindness and gentleness. My heart goes out to anyone going through this and I admire the grace and strength you're showing during this time.
Ditto to what Mary wrote. You made my day! Love you dear friend. (HUGS)
I love this. And I'll add that MANY people my age and younger (millennials!) have to move every year or so due to changing jobs or the bonkers rental market and rents rising. By the time I went from college to being 35, I had lived in probably 8-10 different apartments. Each one was special to me and taking the time to make it mine really made life better.
I love your attitude and outlook on your situation... making the best of a tough situation and creating a beautiful home for you and your girls. As a military wife of 15 years, we've lived in 11 homes... and only 4 have been longer than a year. It would never occur to me NOT to decorate and make it homey. Without pretty personal touches, it's just a big box to live in, and sort of emphasizes how temporary it is. Currently in a 6 month lease that's the smallest we've ever lived in, I'm decorating a little less and leaving lots of framed photos packed up for the next house. But I'm still decorating and hanging family photos on a smaller scale 😉
I love this post. We are a military family and are coming up on our 5th move in 5 years and I have never regretted decorating and making each home more special. Like you, I think of it as a fun challenge to make it feel cozy and inviting without costing much since we know that it is short-term. Your home should always feel like a safe and stable place and the little things help so much. I really admire how you seem to be handling your situation!
If your current landlord saw how well you paint cabinets, they might buy the materials and give you a month free! You do just that good of a job!!
I’m from NYC where renting is “normal.” I never understand when people you’re not a real adult until you own & drive.
When I first owned a tiny but pricey coop that was a lot like renting in NY.
Though I signed a one year lease for the first “grown up” apartment I ended up living in it for 16 years. I painted and basically did everything that owners do. It was a very large studio with a separate kitchen. I made it into “4”rooms by using a white linen with an embossed palm room divider so I could have an almost real bedroom. The office was in a 5’ by 5’ archway. The dining room was in one corner. I lived there /-across from the Cental Park zoo from 1976—1991. The rent went from $300–$500. It was a hard apartment to leave. I never think of myself as frugal but I believe in the smallest apartment on the best street. I can’t remember if Truman Capote or Andy Warhol first said something like that but it stuck with me.
I love this post! Thank you for sharing how to make the best of a tough situation.
I am proud of you. I also love your CAN DO attitude.
@Stephanie, oops!
Kristen, you have such a good head on your shoulders. You are a gentle leader and I read your blog everyday because you're wise, caring, smart, oh-so consistent, funny, real and responsible. Your home is beautiful, just like you. Wishing you light today. : )
This is such a wonderful list Kristen. The intention is so positive; we can find beauty in the simplest of things.
When I made a move to a new city with no friends or family I rented a little bedroom share. It was brightened by the fruits and veggies I kept on the window sill and the little bits of nature I found on my walks. It was a sign that even though I was broke and alone, I saw beauty, I deserved to have beauty around me. It was temporary, but important to find that, we all deserve that.
This post is exactly why I follow your blog. You have the power to lift your own spirits as well as all of your readers!
Thank you so much for this beautiful, inspiring post!
Kristen thank you for your thoughts, this was an excellent piece.
I have some thoughts on this subject. We raised our family overseas and there was lots of traveling. We began to have certain objects that we took with us to help us call a place home. A beautiful some picture, a little wooden doll. My daughter did a research project for a university class asking young adults who had lived a global life because of their parents work if they had objects that helped make a placée home and most of them did. A special decorative box, pictures on the fridge, a beloved doll… I’m back overseas now while my kids are in the US the objects have changed. Photos of the kids, grandson’s art work on the fridge, a special mug, a quilt on the bed that a friend made. Ma in Laura Ingall’s books always put the china shepherdess on the mantle, almost in a ceremony to call this new place home. I think in the future Kristen, a few of the treasure house things may have special memories for you and perhaps some of your furniture makeovers, like your beautiful little pink table and you will call a place home when these pieces are in place. So, I say, ‘Yes!!’ To decorating temporary homes!!
It's all to do with how you feel when you're there -- are you "at home" -- rather than how long you might live there. I remember about 3 months after my divorce, driving home from work and realizing I wasn't clenched up, bracing for an argument or criticism or a mess. I was going *home* to my quiet, peaceful, tidy apartment. I only stayed in that place a couple years but it was long enough that I could decide where I wanted to live based on my needs and desires rather than in reaction to feelings about the divorce or what the ex husband would have said.
Thanks for this <3
I love this. I have been in "temporary" housing for almost 7 years. I agree with all you said, especially the part about "the people here matter." In my case it is just me but I do matter and my mental health is as important as my physical, maybe more. When we have beauty around us we are happy. I say find your happy/beauty and embrace it. Thank you for the reminder.
The replies to this post are perfectly said. I’ve long since stopped following this blog for the frugal help, but continue for Kristen’s kindness, positive attitude/spirit and outlook on life (plus the pictures too!). I believe if more people could communicate in a gentler way, as Kristen does, the world would be in a better place.
P.S. The hydrangeas in the white pitcher are BEAUTIFUL!
Aren't they such lovely colors? I had to stop by my other house to pick up some mail, and I cut the blooms off of one of my hydrangea bushes there. I don't know what it is about where that bush is, but it produces the most colorful blooms every year.
What an amazing post, Kristen!
I am going to be a bit more pragmatic, because all the kind words seem to have been said. I love this community!
I'm guessing that you know the minimum amount of time you will be in this new home, but not the maximum. Could be a year, might be more. I agree with planting whatever makes you happy, if it can be inexpensively obtained. If you don't stay long enough to fully enjoy it, it will bless someone else in the future.
Next, I'm a landlord. If I had a tenant with your credentials, I'd let them do anything they want and I'd willingly pay for the materials. You have a busy life, so you may not want to tackle something like painting cabinets, but even knowing that you could might be helpful. It couldn't hurt to discuss the topic with the LL.
Also, if you were my tenant and you paid the rent a day or two early every month and included a home-baked treat, I'd be disinclined to ever raise your rent. Ever. Just sayin'.
As much as you loved your other house, IIRC, there were things that weren't your first choice. This house is giving you a chance to try something different. I'm glad you're embracing that.
I spy my favorite big blue book on the bookshelf! It's terribly outdated, but the principles are rock-solid and I re-read it every year for inspiration. Hmmm, that's exactly why I've been reading your blog for so long. Thank you!
You are so right; I never liked living in a split-foyer! I was content and thankful, but split-foyer homes are never, ever going to be my thing. I am delighted to be living in a rancher now.
I need to re-read the Tightwad Gazette; I feel like some material in there would make for some fun post fodder here!
I almost NEVER comment, but this was sooo inspiring to me. I cannot relate to what you must be going through in your life right now, and I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation, but your attitude is amazing. It actually brought back a memory for me....I had been well-established in my chosen career for 20+ years when we were told, in October, our jobs were going to be outsourced, and we would be losing our positions as of January 1. This was in 2010, when jobs were not very abundant. In a panicked frenzy, I immediately began applying for jobs everywhere. Applying for jobs, calling, and interviewing consumed a huge amount of my time, because I was still working full-time at my current job, at least until January 1, taking care of our home/yard, making meals, (you know the drill). But, in spite of this, I decorated our house for Christmas, BIG TIME! I have always done a lot of decorating at Christmas and have accumulated many different decorations over the years. Different people would say, why bother, you are so busy with everything else? I can't believe you are going to spend all that time decorating when you have so much to do? It must be so difficult to get all that done with all the other things you have on your plate? Running Christmas lights is going to cost a lot of money, and you are losing your job? And I said, "Yes, but this is one thing I can control right now. It brings ME joy. It helps ME feel a sense of normalcy during a time when everything else isn't very normal." So I definitely hear you, focus on what YOU can do, what brings YOU joy, what makes YOU feel settled! I truly admire your positive, hopeful attitude! Thank you!
Yes, yes, this is exactly how I feel about it. I can't fix this other broken stuff but darn it, I can hunt for and rehab free stuff to make my house a home.
Don’t overlook the freedom of just not doing it.
12 yrs ago, I quit my job and my husband took a pay cut to take a great job that opened doors for him and allowed us to move to Germany with our 2 1/2 yr old. I cannot express the level of disappointment that 11 mos later we’d be moving into a rental in Texas. And then another baby came. And then we had to move again. So we set up the house and put stuff places just enough to say it was done.
Now, we’ve been enjoying things more or less the way they were put those 9 years ago. It’s good enough and in the mean time
I’ve discovered the freedom of being able to say “it’s a rental”. We take good care of the place, but I simply don’t want to put budget or time to in a lot of landscaping, or perfect furniture…and I like being able to say, “the kitchen really needs an update but it’s a rental so…”
Could I find budget for the perfect couch? Sure could if I wanted. Could I water the lawn all summer long? Sure I could if I wanted to. But instead we go away all summer, and spend time at the river, or go down to the coast.
I am also in my forties - just turned 48 -and am starting over as a result of divorce. I am also an attorney. The first job I had after law school was working for a solo practitioner who did mostly divorces, and who herself was on Husband #3. One of her favorite sayings?
"Divorce is a growth opportunity."
I tell myself this whenever I am feeling down about my situation, and it helps. I hope it can help you and your Dear Reader as well.