On Monday, I wrote about why I declutter alongside my children instead of decluttering for them, and I promised some practical tips today.
So, here I am.
First, I do want to mention that I’m not necessarily saying these tips will be life-changing for all kids…I’m just sharing what has worked with my kids (because that’s all I know!)
You know your kids best, not me, and there are plenty of equally acceptable ways to teach stuff management.
Do what works for you, basically.
These are in fairly random order, a.k.a. the order they popped into my head.
1. Start when your kids are small.
I don’t remember exactly when I started decluttering with my kids, but I want to say it was around the age of 4. Four-year-olds aren’t super great declutterers, but they can certainly look through a pile of their drawings and pick out their favorites, or try out a pile of markers to figure out which ones are dried up.
Even if your kids is a lot older than four, though, the best time to start is probably now.
(Reminds me of the proverb about the tree: The best time to plant a tree was 100 years ago. The second best time is today.)
2. Accept little bits of decluttering.
When Joshua was younger, I could give him a stack of 50 papers and he might choose to recycle only 5 out of the 50. But 5 is better than nothing, and it gave that decluttering muscle a teeny workout.
You might want to get rid of 75% of the clutter, but be willing to settle for less if that’s what your kid can handle. The most important thing here is the process, not the result.
(If you were just after results, you’d bag everything up yourself. The point is to teach your kid HOW to do this.)
3. Sort things into categories.
If your kids are like mine, the clutter often ends up being quite the mish-mash of stuff. Toys, papers, craft supplies, rocks, sticks, marbles, and who knows what else all end up together.
So, when we tackle a room, we often sort things into categories. Make a pile of papers, a pile of rocks, a pile of crafting stuff, a pile of stuffed animals, and so on. That way you can deal with one category at a time.
4. Make a Save and Get Rid Of pile for each category.
Once you have your categories, have your child go through each pile and decide what he or she wants to keep and what can go.
Sometimes I’ve said something like, “Why don’t you think about which ones you really love?” or, “Which ones of these make you really happy?”
And for a kid who has a lot of trouble letting go of things, I sometimes give a gentle nudge, like, “That’s great you found 4 things to give away. Do you think you could find a few more too?”
5. Get rid of things ASAP.
When your kid sorts through papers, have a recycling bag right there so you can deposit the papers promptly. Have a box for items that are going to Goodwill and a box for things that are being given to younger friends/cousins. Keep a trash can nearby for things that truly are trash.
Definitely do not let things from the Get Rid Of pile sit around on the floor. Once the decision has been made, you want that stuff out of the way and out of sight.
(I know not everyone will agree with this, but I think if you and your kid have gone through their things thoughtfully, there’s no need to keep the Get Rid Of stuff around “just in case”. In my experience, kids do not generally regret getting rid of stuff they’ve chosen to get rid of.)
6. Take breaks if necessary.
I could probably declutter my stuff for 8 hours straight, but not everyone is like that.
When Joshua was younger, he found the decluttering process to be quite exhausting, so he could only handle it for an hour or two at a time. Decision-making just seems to be more tiring for some kids than others, so don’t push it just for the sake of finishing all at once.
7. Motivate by donating/giving.
My kids are sometimes more open to letting go of stuff they don’t love/use when they think about giving it to someone else who WILL love it.
For instance, a few years back, someone on freecycle was collecting stuffed animals for a good cause (a hospital? for children in an ambulance? Something like that.) and that helped my kids to sort through their animals and find ones they barely played with and which were in almost new condition.
8. Consider storage for sentimental items.
As a rule, I’m a big fan of getting things out of the house if they’re not loved/used regularly. But there are some things that have a lot of sentimental value, and for my kids, that happens to be stuffed animals.
So, we have a bin in our under-the-stairs closet that holds extra stuffed animals that we couldn’t manage to actually get rid of. This way the kids’ rooms aren’t overflowing with animals, but they didn’t have to actually part with them.
9. Set up toy storage systems that are simple and accessible.
To help maintain order after you declutter, keep toy storage simple. For us, plastic bins and drawers worked out very well. We had a Duplo drawer, a toy food drawer, a dress-up drawer, and so on.
Having bins and drawers with basic categories means that even very small children can help pick up their things, and having things sorted by categories means that your kids don’t have to dump out the whole toy bin to find the one thing they want.
This method was a good way of ensuring that we didn’t need to do a huge declutter every few months…instead, we usually only needed to do it once a year.
10. Be mindful of bringing new things into the house.
Children’s things will always need some decluttering just because they are always outgrowing toys/games/clothes.
But you can certainly keep decluttering a lot simpler by bringing fewer new items into your home. Kids do seem to be able to be happy with a lot less stuff than we sometimes think, and letting them have too many things puts a heavy Stuff Management burden on them.
Somewhat related: a one-in, one-out rule can be helpful here. For instance, if one of my kids wants a new stuffed animal, I tell them that’s a-ok, but we’ll need to donate one stuffed animal of similar size because we don’t have room to add to our collection.
Extra tip: Point out the benefits of a less-cluttered room.
This isn’t really a decluttering tip but is more of a motivational kind of thing.
When my kids’ rooms get really cluttered, they can’t find their things, their drawings get all crinkled up or torn, pieces go missing from playsets, their clothing drawers won’t shut, and there’s no room on the floor to play or do puzzles.
So when things are cleaned up, I think it’s helpful to rejoice with them over the benefits of their hard work.
“Look how easy it is to close your drawer!”
“It’ll be so much easier to find your markers now.”
“Putting your schoolbooks away will work a lot better now that there’s room on the bookshelf.”
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I’m positive that this is not an exhaustive list of tips (I’ll probably think of a few more once I hit publish!), so if you have a question about decluttering with kids that I didn’t hit in this post, plase let me know in a comment.
And if you’ve got a helpful tip for decluttering with kids, do share that too!
Katy @ Purposely Frugal says
I love all these tips! Something I do sometimes (especially as we’re getting ready to move to West Africa), is to have them decide what to keep and get rid of but I tell them how much they can have. For example, just last night my son could choose any cars he wanted that would fit inside a certain box I gave him (and I let him write and draw on the box for fun). And I asked my daughter to pick which 2 of her 3 sets of paper/wooden magnet dolls she wanted to keep. And I agree with you, sometimes wording it like, “Which do you love more?” or “Which don’t you play with as much?” can really help.
Natalie says
One thing that has helped us is to give the kids advance warning that we are going to declutter! It gives them some time to let the idea sink in. Plus, I try to set a time when we are going to do it so I don’t spring it on them just as they sitting down to read a book, play outside, go to a friends, etc…
Mary says
My oldest son loves to keep everything. Every paper airplane ever made, the boxes his toys came in… even granola bar wrappers!
I am the type of person to get rid of everything I don’t use.
Even though I go through the process with him often, he rarely wants to get rid of anything.
I just hope that like Joshua seems to, he will grow out of it.
Jody S. says
I’ve been waiting for this post; thank you!
The only tip I have to add for helping children get rid of trash is to compensate them. The hot commodity in our house is electronics. They have to earn “minutes” for electronics play time. One incentive I gave them for getting rid of Lego boxes and other containers things came in was to give them minutes for volume of trash they were willing to get rid of. As always, I was totally arbitrary in giving out minutes; I gave more minutes if I knew it was a really difficult decision for the child.
Kristen says
Oh man, this reminds me of Joshua and his Bionicle containers. He wanted to keep ALL of them at one point. I’d kind of forgotten about that.
Prisca says
Snapping digital photos of drawings, 3D crafts, or even sentimental toys & stuffed animals can help to preserve memories while freeing up valuable storage space.
Kristen says
Ohh, I forgot this one! I used that a lot with Joshua.
Stef says
I* have the hard time of declutering because I can be sentimental… I never had the advice like, buy one get rid of one…So they really piled (now in the basement). I did work at a Pre-K, so I knew how sort everything. The problem now is finding a special place that will take our 3 huge bags of stuffed teddies… Hmmm… I have to wait a little longer now that we have a toddler though… I just have to wait and wait, lol. Maybe the stash is creating anxiety! I’m so glad for a basement or else we really would have just thrown them all away…
Vicki F. says
Maybe you should only keep one bag of teddies for your toddler, and declutter the other two bags. I can’t imagine that a toddler needs 3 whole bags of teddies. You might try a homeless shelter or women’s shelter, to see if they could use them. Some police departments keep stuffed animals in their trunks for traumatized children also.
Kaitlin says
Hi Step, I know I’m a few months late with this, but your comment caught my eye. When I was a child, something that kept me decluttering was a church-run charity called Babies in Need, which a friend of my grandmother’s created. They create layettes for babies (including preemies) whose families can’t afford to buy the necessary start-up items (diapers, blanket, car seat, clothes, books, toys, etc.). I used to donate all my stuffed animals to them and help them assemble the layettes.
Babies in Need is a local thing to Portland, OR, but I bet there’s a hospital who does something like that near you and have families who would so appreciate it.
Rebecca@thefamilyfinder says
We like to keep everything into big categories also. Big tubs that hold the trains, hot wheels, food, ext… I have fallen into the trap of not getting rid of something quick enough and it shows up back on the shelf. Ooops!
Ashes says
I certainly find stuffed animals the most difficult things to deal with. My six year old never wants to give any of them away, and even if she did I live in a rural community and the only donation centers I know of do not accept stuffed animals. Any family/friends I know who have young children are also up to their eyeballs in stuffed animals so that won’t work either.
Right now they mostly reside in the top of daughter’s closet and she picks a few to sleep with every night. I’ve put out the “no stuffies, please” word to family and friends but they still seem to make their way into our house (particularly around valentine’s day and easter).
I have heard the storage suggestion to put them in an empty bean bag chair shell so they’ll function as a chair and the child can unzip and take them out when they want them.
Kristen says
They are so difficult! Especially when your kids have named them and given them personalities and such. It almost makes them seem like a member of the family.
Lizabeth says
I like the comment about using your stuffies to stuff a bean bag chair…until I remember my daughter has 2 Build-A-Bears. Could you imagine sitting on that chair and having 2 muffled Build-A-Bear voices talk to you? LOL! Guess I’ll have to wait till the Build-A-Bears lose their voices! Hehehehehe
Emily @ Simple Cheap Mom says
I think these are good tips for decluttering for anyone, not just kids! I myself tend to have a problem with donation or to sell stuff ending back on the shelves because we didnt’ get rid of stuff right away. Our Little Miss is only 2, but she understands the concept of hand me downs and when something is too small, she tells me we should give it to her friend. Toys are a little harder, but she’ll tell me when toys should go to babies because she’s too big for them now. I think things will probably get harder when she starts getting more attached to her things.
WilliamB says
Re #2. Here’s another idea to throw into the pile – decide up front how much of something needs to be weeded out. For example:
A) Your stuffed animals need to fit into this box;
B) Specific percentage – for each [amount] you choose to keep, choose [amount] to give away (frex, keep two, give away one);
C) Keep [number] of item.
I know someone who gave his kids 50 cents, and let them “buy” one item per penny. His kids thoroughly digged the idea of going shopping.
Also it usually helps to focus on what you keep rather than what you give away. This is true for grown-ups as well as kids.
be says
Never mind tips for decluttering with KIDS. The tips are good for EVERYONE. For clothes, I try to be even more ruthless and get rid of 2 items. However they have to be the same type of item. So if I buy 1 new sweater, I have to get rid of 2 sweaters, not 2 pants, not 2 tops, but 2 sweaters. However there are a few exceptions to the rule.
1. If someone gave me a sweater, then no need to get rid of anything.
2. If I don’t have the item, then there’s also no need to rid of something. So for example, if am going to be in a really cold place for a long time and need ear muffs (which I currently don’t own) then no getting rid of something.
3. If I had a clothes item simply wear out. Recently, I had 2 pairs of jeans develop holes and worn spots in places I couldn’t really fix, so I bought 2 pairs of jeans to replace them. I guess technically I did end up getting rid of 2 pairs of pants, so in this case it was a 1 for 1 trade, instead of a 1 new for 2 old trade.
Hannah @ eat, drink and save money says
I’m glad you included the age. I was wondering about that!
We always have a donate pile going on in our house and we donate once the pile is big enough. I’d like to start that with my kids too. I never thought about using it for them. Great idea!
Cari says
Great tips! It is a lot of work, but definitely important. Similar to your last tip, I tell them I or they can’t take care of so much and that’s why we can’t keep a lot. It seems to help.
Chris Huff says
Great tips! I find that it’s easier to get my kids to declutter with me if I give them very specific tasks. If I just tell them to help me clean this room, they have no clue. But if I say, “put away this small pile of toys,” they can be very helpful.
Lauren says
This was really helpful. My oldest daughter just turned 4, so I feel like we need to start giving her responsibilities and chores. Your ideas were very practicle, and I think they will work well with her. We are just swimming in craft supplies, drawings, and toys. I may set aside a little time this weekend so go through one corner of her room with her, just to see how she does. Thanks, Kristen!
Katie @ This That and the Budget says
Great tips. I don’t have kids yet, but I will have to keep these things in mind when the time comes!
Desiree says
Things I like to think about when I’m decluttering (note that some of these probably won’t work on kids):
Is this thing for the life you have now or the life you want to have?
Are you being a good steward of this thing? If not, shouldn’t it go to someone who will take better care of it?
What will happen if you get rid of it and find yourself needing it later? Is it easy to replace? Will it be the end of the world or will you just have to wait a little bit?
Will someone love this thing more than you do? Does someone need it more than you do?
– I feel like this last set of questions is really good to ask a month or so before Christmas, when a family would start looking in thrift stores for gifts.
AnnMarie says
This is a bit extreme, but it may help the inveterate “I can’t part with it” or messy kid: Clear absolutely everything out of the room. We had to do this last week because the carpet HAD to be cleaned. By everything, I mean everything. The only thing we didn’t take were two items hanging on the walls. Daughter had to go through every single thing before we allowed it to return. She enjoyed not having to clean up for the week we worked on cleaning and didn’t mind having little access to her “stuff.” She chose to leave three pieces of furniture out (the 4th we had declared unfit). There were three primary things she kept–art supplies, horse toys, and books, plus a few other odds n ends, but they had to fit in the one drawer/cabinet thing (along with some of her clothes). It was awesome! There were bags of trash, recycling, and donations. Woohoo!
(Admittedly, her room is already messy a week later, but there’s FAR less to make a mess with, and much easier to clean up with less stuff in there.)
Sarah Korhnak says
Great article! I will definitely try your tip to group things into categories before we declutter.
We usually have a garage sale once every year or so. One motivating factor for my kids (and myself!) is the money they could earn by selling something. If they put their toy in the garage sale, I let them keep the money earned from the sale. This has helped them be willing to part with more items in the past.
Something I read recently in the book Essentialism. Ask yourself, if you didn’t already own it, what would you pay to get it. For instance, a shirt in your closet you haven’t worn in years. What would you pay to own that shirt? If the answer is $0, get rid of it! He said we tend to overvalue items we already own, which can make it hard for us to get rid of items. But by asking ourselves that question, it helps to properly value the item. Food for thought!
Amanda says
My oldest is four, so we’re just starting to do some of these things. I really like how respectful your approach is. I’m also horrified at the idea of parents throwing out the beloved possessions of a small child. My tip for the younger-than-school-age set is to declutter when they are not around, but stash what you pull in a closet. If they miss things, you can bring them out, but if they don’t miss it for a few months, toss it!
elana says
I thought of a tip that i am going to try out this weekend…i took 2 die from a board game..my kids roll them and whatever number comes up, thats how many things they need to get rid off. Either trash, donate or sell at our next garage sale!
Karen says
Great ideas Kristen.
Your approach is respectful and teachable at the same time
As a mum and preschool teacher with 35 years experience I have spent much time at this task.
One piece of advice I think many people miss is that you cannot ask children to tidy up or “pack away” if there is no specific( and clearly readable place which children understand) to put things away in.
They are more likely to want to help if
1. They feel they have a say and can trust you not to sneak things from them when they are not looking
2. They feel good about their efforts and know they are allowed to keep things they love
3. They are learning to pick out their favorites and to make responsible decisions for themselves
4. This can be a fun bonding time and can give the reward of quality time together
5. One of the things that worked with my kids was to reinforce their efforts by allowing them to choose a fun activity such as a game or trip to the park at the end for a reward
Always work with them and encourage every effort no matter how small. We are setting up habits which can become life skills so be positive and play to their strengths. Also remember to give yourself some encouragement by thinking of the long term benefits and not getting frustrated when the end result does not quite look like your ideal!
Jess says
Thank you for sharing such useful information!