Why talking/blogging about the good stuff is, well, good.
Sometimes, sunshine-y, look-at-the-glass-half-full sort of bloggers get flack from their readers over their incessant cheerfulness.
"Be real!"
"Life isn't perfect."
"It's all a sham."
"No one could be that happy all the time."
I haven't experienced a lot of this, but I've seen people shred bloggers like Kelle Hampton (one commenter worried that reading her blog could cause you to "get sucked into the vortex of positivity". Horrors.) or Amanda Soule over this.
(My blog isn't as big as theirs, which means I have fewer critics. Either that, or I'm just not as happy as they are. Hmm.).
It's definitely true that no one's life is perfect. And it's true that no one is happy all the time.
But here's the thing: when we focus on/talk about the happy things in our lives, we often feel happier.
And when we focus on the negative things in our lives, we often feel more negative.
So, to those glass-half-full bloggers, I say carry on!
What does this have to do with frugality?
Well, as I mentioned in my contentment series, looking for the good in your life is one of the keys to being content, and I believe that being content is one of the keys to managing your money well.
If you're not content with what you've got, you'll always be looking for that one more thing that will make you happy and contented, and often that means you'll keep wanting to spend money (even though money/stuff rarely brings contentment).
So, go look for the good stuff in your life, and talk about it.
Point out the beautiful clouds when you drive your children to school.
Notice the lovely breeze.
Tell a friend about something nice your spouse did for you.
Take a moment to appreciate your reliable transportation.
Say how grateful you are it didn't rain for an event.
Take a picture of something adorable your child did.
Pay attention to that feature of your home that you love.
Tell your child's other parent about the encouraging progress your child made in area x.
Think about how someone has blessed you recently and then tell them that.
If you purpose to do this, and also purpose to give a little less energy to the negative stuff, I think you'll be surprised at how much happier you feel.
Give it a try...it'll work better than shopping and won't cost you a cent. 😉
P.S. Please know that I'm not suggesting we all put up fake facades and pretend we never struggle with anything...just that we'll probably be happier if we shift the balance in favor of positivity.
P.P.S. Please also know that I think it's fine to have a rant session with a friend sometimes. That's a whole lot different than constant complaining. 😉
Well said girlfriend!
Keeping Positive, I love it. Could not have said it any better.
Yay! Why dwell on the bad stuff!
LOVE this! Thanks for the reminder!
This was great to read as I had just been telling my husband that reading news blogs and the accompanying comments was such a downer. Thanks for your positivity. It lightened my heart.
I don't think people realize how much energy they use to stay mad and have negative thoughts/feelings. Great post....we all need a reminder every now and then.
My son and I often look at the clouds.....one of my favorite things to do with him!
I couldn't agree more! Why would you *want* to live a life of constant negativity? No one likes a Debbie Downer. I try to be thankful for the gifts I do have rather than always wanting more and more. (At least in terms of material things.)
I couldn't agreee more! Isn't it funny how some people have such a hard time staying out of the negative talk? I think it's a habit....just like focusing on the positives is a habit. There's good and beauty everywhere if you choose to see it!
Thanks for the reminder 🙂 That's one of the reasons I read you, and Soule Mama everyday....
Well said! And here is another thought: what right do we have to dump our trash on someone elses head? There is no good that can come from spewing our junk into cyberspace. Keep up the good work, Kristen.
Thank you for the reminder...I have been complaining ad nauseum about our horrific summer heat in Texas...80 days and counting of temps about 105 degrees. Instead, I need to focus on the indoor projects I have done this summer...furnishing a new guest room from shopping in my apartment, sewing a quilt by hand, making my Christmas cards and turning dumpster trash into treasure for my college girl's first apartment.
Well, if anyone has a reason to complain . . . 🙂 Hang in there with the good stuff!
Have you read Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project? I just finished reading this book and really found her study of happiness so useful. I really enjoyed all the sources she uses to explore happiness, but then I am a bit bookish. Your post reminds me of some of her conclusions.
To be honest, I wouldn't want to go to a blog where there's too much negativity. I've seen some where their negativity is creatively wrapped up in comedy. Which is fine. It means that the person is already over it and can see the humor in whatever it is that happened. And though Eeyore is great, he's still balanced by all the other, more positive characters. I like going to more positive blogs because sometimes it helps me with my own frame of mind. They definitely don't bring me down. And if I can get a smile from one, then it was well worth the read.
I think it depends on your personality. I would never be mean to someone for being positive, but people who never see the darkness make me feel guilty for seeing it. Also, I think that some people need to get the negativity out online to make room for the positive at home. We all deal with stress differently and we all have stress. I've never felt like you were too Pollyanna, but I will admit that there are other blogs I don't read for that reason. Of course, that's what's most disturbing to me. If I don't like it, I just don't read. I'm not sure why anyone would have the need to berate someone online for being happy.
I think the assumption that glass-half-full people never see the dark might be faulty. It's not that I never see the negative side of life, but I choose not to focus on it...I'm not inside everyone else's head, of course, so I have no idea if other cheerful people see the negative stuff too. But I know do, and if I don't purposely focus on the good stuff in life, I can get blue and depressed.
I've thought a lot about what it means to be negative vs. positive, and I way prefer the company of positive people. However, I don't think it's negative to accurately assess a situation, no matter what it may be. Some situations or conditions need improvement. I don't think it's negative to see the dark side of things. Improvement can only happen if a situation is accurately assessed. Once a correct assessment is made, then positive, hopeful constructive action can be taken, and there is beauty in that. For example, if I were to say "My kitchen is a mess! I really dislike the way it looks right now."- --This is not a negative comment, but a true one. "I'm going to clean it now by focusing on one counter at a time like Kristen", is a constructive, positive action. That's a great attitude toward problem solving. " I love it when it's clean! I enjoy cooking in here with my family. I'm glad I found a way to get it under control. Everybody enjoys it more in here when it's clean." That is a successful, positive attitude, not a Pollyanish one. We'd all be better off if more people had that attitude! Same approach could be applied to virtually anything, from improving children's reading skills, to eating healthier, to decluttering or to reducing debt.
I have a co-worker who is negative *a lot.* Sometimes, I have to visualize a forcefield deflecting her negativity stream away from me. I have a lot less patience/stamina for it since I've been pregnant, so my back-up escape plan is to suddenly dash for the restroom. 🙂
Seriously, dwelling on negativity and uncertainty used to feed my propensity for anxiety attacks--like, in the time it takes to sit at a red light, I could work myself up to a panic state just by letting my mind get on a "negativity jag." Trying to be more positive, generally, helps me when those times inevitably crop up.
I love this post. Very well said. I appreciate positive blogs because most often that are written by real people content with their lives (not perfect, just content). I can't say that I read any negative blogs, I just don't see the point of wasting my free time reading things that make me feel bad. I think it's good to focus on the positive, and I don't understand that point of venting into cyberspace. What I do sometimes get frustrated with is blogs that seem so perfect and rosy that it seems fake. Those do make me feel bad, but it's not too hard to avoid, just unsubscribe.
great post,, its true, keeping to the positive is never a bad thing.Sometimes its contagious,,,
Yes, it would be horrible to be "sucked into the vortex of happiness". STAY AWAY!!
Just kidding, I totally agree! I blog about a little of both, but even when I'm blogging about my depression, I try to make it positive. That doesn't sound right...I guess I mean I try not to dwell, and focus more on what I can do to make it better. And when I'm having a bad day, I do go to my blog and post a bunch of things I'm happy about, or that are going well in my life and it does work!
I read a quote somewhere that said it takes more effort to be sad than it does to be happy, and it's totally true! {Unless, of course, you're in the depths of a depression, which is a totally different story and is personal, so it probably shouldn't be blogged about incessantly).
Anyway, good job and keep up your positive blogging!
I love reading some bloggers who have the skill to post funny and true anecdotes that are so true and we all relate to from everyday life. But its all a choice on what and how you choose to blog. Soule Mama, wrote a post herself on why she chooses to write the way she does. Its not that they are perfect or don't ever have raised voices in their home. I think its good to use the time of blogging to remember the positive, I think its fun as well to look back a year and remember the good and I hope to continue blogging (even in the busyness) to reflect in both pictures and words.
Amen sister! Negative people are what I call "energy vampires". They just suck the soul out of you it seems. So, I would rather be sucked into a vortex of happiness than not!!!
Kristen,
You inspired me to write this post and be thankful for my many blessings.
Thank you for helping me put everything in perspective. My husband has been out of work for a year, but is back working again. Is he happy? Not exactly. After Hurricane Irene, we've prioritized our blessings. God has been good to us and that is all that matters.
http://alldoorsconsidered0.blogspot.com/2011/08/count-your-blessings-for-they-are-many.html
Thanks for this! Funny timing, earlier this week I actually did a gratefulness post about my house (to remind myself of the reasons we are blessed, instead of dwelling on it's tiny-ness). 🙂
I do think that positivity with a dose of honesty/realism is important, though. While I believe positivity is contagious, if people (like moms of small children, for example) ONLY hear of how great things are going in OTHER peoples' homes, it can really make them doubt their own abilities - and wonder why days are sometimes difficult in their own homes, when nobody else seems to struggle with the same.
Now, if we could stop comparing ourselves to other people that would be ideal, but that's easier said than done. 🙂 That's one of the reasons I blog - to process my own thoughts and give positive encouragement (along with real-life honesty) to other working moms, so they don't feel like they are alone in this journey - even on THOSE days! 🙂
Yes! I agree...that's why I've mentioned it when Mr. FG and I had a relationship bump, it's why I post about frustrating things that happen at my house (like when my children spilled mouthwash all over my office floor), and it's why I post messy pictures of my house.
The thing is, I know Kelle Hampton has talked about how she's a disastrous housekeeper on multiple occasions and people still criticize her for being too perfect. They're also upset with her for not being more upset about her daughter's Down Syndrome diagnosis. As if her being a basketcase about it would make things better.
So, it does seem like there are people out there who just can't stand it when someone else is positive, even if that person is open about their struggles and faults.
You know, sometimes we have to laugh at life to keep from crying. And I believe that. I can't believe someone would be upset with her for not expressing to the world about being upset with her daughter's DS diagnosis. That does no one any good. Not only that, diagnosis or not, her daughter is precious and a wonderful gift to her. I haven't read this blog your talking about, but it sounds like she's learned to see the silver lining.
Perfect! I love it!
This is a fantastic post; thanks for sharing!
Please, oh please, can I be sucked into a vortex of positivity?
Kristin, I think one reason you don't get shredded (and I haven't read the other blogs you referenced) is that you talk about the less-sunshiny realities of life (Mr. FG's work schedule, when your office gets messy, etc.) in addition to the happy things (picnic lunches at the pier, little girls in white dresses, very fun frugal vacations, etc). You DO focus on being content and happy, but you also talk about it being a choice to be happy in a world of imperfections.
My very favorite radio talk show host, Dennis Prager, talks about the moral imperative to act happy (he says you can't force yourself to BE happy, but you can choose to ACT happy) because of the impact that your attitude has on the people around you. It's all about what you choose to focus on. He interviews people who have lived through horrific circumstances and who have chosen to remain happy. It isn't being Pollyannish; it's choosing to lift your eyes and find good things to think about instead.
Thanks for choosing to share your happy attitude with us every day!!!
So well said! Kristen models making that CHOICE to be happy without hiding the dirty laundry, so to speak, and that makes her writing so real for me. Please, sign me up for the vortex of positivity, too!
I want to be sucked into the happiness vortex! 😉
I will never understand why people leave nasty comments about someone being positive. Just walk away if it's not your cup of tea!
I already read Soule Mama, and thank you for the link to Kelle Hampton - I will put her blog on my list of daily reads. I am not always positive myself, but it helps me to read happy things like you & Soule Mama tend to post. I never got the feeling that life was perfect for you ladies, but instead that you choose to focus on the brighter side and not dwell on the rest.
Being positive is sooooo not my nature, but something I strive for, and have actively been working on the last year or so. What I have found super helpful?
Smiling and laughing, at your own circumstances, just because. If I find myself being chicken little, I take a moment to realize how ridiculous it is, make fun of myself a bit, and laugh it off. I even find that the negative nancy's I know, if I give them a big smile, they have a harder time 'going there'. It keeps things light, and keeps us out of the muck and mire of complaint.
AMEN to that!!!
You go girl! I ,too ,am an optimist by nature and also be design.I take some flack for my glass half -full views, but who cares? I won't allow myself to be brought down to pessimism.I'd rather bring others UP.. if they wanna.
CIRCUMSTANCES change and some are, yes, very challenging and even sucky. But we CHOOSE our ATTITUDE! (IMHO)
Actually I got a LOT of sucky news this week, but I am meditating, journaling,exercising, and reaching out to my friends to help me make sense of things.I don't allow myself to go down the rabbit hole of misery.. not for long anyway-- !
So, please keep blogging.. I visit a bunch of happiness/contentment/attitude blogs daily-- and appreciate the support!
I also want to mention I do know some folks suffer from true depression.I am a retired nurse, and I can share with you that COGNITIVE THERAPY (which TEACHES people how to focus on the positive, to monitor their thinking, to DO and practice better behaviors that LEAD to happiness..) works better than the drugs out there. This is in many scientific studies!
Folks on meds who ALSO get cognitive therapy get better quicker and can often reduce or eliminate the meds (ASK YOUR DOCOTR! Don't quit your meds..!! ) Just sayin'--we do have a LOT of control over our moods and our attitudes and our lives..
So-- learning how to choose a more optimistic viewpoint actually works.But one has to DECIDE to be happy vs. being miserable. Even when the basement floods and the cat threw up on the carpet again.
Optimists SEE the negative, we just believe we have,or can access, the resources to deal with it.
Life sucks us into all sort of stuff. Some vortexes of poop, some vortexes of positivity. Honestly, I think attitude is everything. My grandmother told me when I was very little, "You get more bees with honey than vinegar." And for many years, those words would ring out in my little mind, and I learned to live by them. As I got older, and quite frankly, had great successes in life it changed to, "It's nice to important, but it's more important to be nice."
If only other people saw the world this same way, perhaps it wouldn't be as dismal as the naysayers say it is.
And all the people said "AMEN!" 🙂
I wanna be sucked into the vortex of happiness, so I'll make my own joy-whirlpool!
I am admittedly a former "glass is half empty" kind of girl. If you allow yourself to get caught up in thinking "everyone else's life is so perfect, I can't measure up" it's easy to feel inadequate. I don't feel that way any more. I have adopted the motto of "Everyone has challenges." They might not always talk about them, but they are there.
Life is what you make it. Why not focus on the positives, and instead of dwelling on the negatives, do something to improve the situation!
I don't have to try this. I live by this philosophy so I know what you speak is totally true. Think happy and you will be happy. Think only about bad stuff and you may as well dig a hole and just lay there until the crows come to pick at you. Things could be so much worse for all of us at any given moment, so savor the good and there is good, plenty of it...some of us just have a hard time seeing it. Where are those rose-colored glasses when I need them??? 😉
Carry on and God bless you!
To me, there is a big difference between contentment and happiness. Happiness is a transitory feeling. Some days I am happy, when work goes well or someone is unexpectedly kind to me. But I am always content. Contentment comes from knowing that I make a difference in this world, that I support my family and friends and that they are there for me. That being said, I am generally suspicious of people who are "happy" all the time. Because I know that we all face situations that stretch us out of our comfort zone. And if I don't see some strain (just that generally goofy, sappy, happy look) during those moments then I wonder what else they are hiding behind that mask of happiness. Because sometimes when we hide our feelings from other people we are really hiding them from ourselves. And wow, that got way deeper than I expected.
You are 100% right. Life is what you make it, and if you constantly bang on about the negatives then that's all that you are surrounded by. It's unrealistic to try and be positive and happy all the time (and sometimes it feels great to have a whinge), but I agree that doing 'good deeds' where you see an opportunity really helps.
I always find that strange. The one blog I've ever quit reading because I had an issue with the content was one where the (quite popular) blogger was just so negative. She was always complaining about her husband, making snarky comments, telling us about all that was wrong in her life and putting herself down in top of it. She was so unhappy. Or it at least seemed that way to me. I think she would have said she was cynical and had a tough sense of humor, and probably that I was a Little Mary Sunshine or something. Her blog made me sad and I quit reading it. Amanda Soule, on the other hand, gives me inspiration to just plunge in to the rhythm of parenting and know I can change course if something isn't working.
I just clicked onto both the aforementioned blogs and they were great! They were cheerful but truthful -- exactly what I need to hear. Yes, everyone has awful, terrible, not very good days/weeks/okay months and as a champion whiner, I totally commiserate! What i love about this blog and the other 2 links is that you demonstrate how it's perfectly okay to vent and then move on. And the venting is short and funny, as someone above mentioned, which helps build community for all of us struggling out there in blogland. That you always find more to celebrate than moan about -- or that you actively seek out the stuff to celebrate.
I appreciate cheerfulness -- you don't need to give mopeyness equal time on the blog, IMHO. Thanks again for the good words.
The fun thing about frugality is you have to use your creativity to be frugal. That is fun and you use your mind so well like an inventor. That is what inspires me and keeps me in focus. The power of positive thinking rules!!!
Thanks so much for mentioning (and subsequently reminding me of) Amanda Soule's blog. I used to love to read Soule Mama, but got out of the habit and neglected to save it to my Favorites. Your blog is already saved in there, of course. 🙂 Funny, but when I used to read Soule Mama I never got the impression that she was a Pollyanna type at all, just content with her life and glad to share with others what she's learned, just like you do. Wow, is that what's considered an overly optimistic person these days? That's a shame.
I made my mind up to not let people take my joy. If they try I tell them. I am trying to be a good person....like Jesus. That's one reason He was sent here, to teach us how to live.
I agree completely. And you know what? Remember the post you put up a little while ago about your imperfections (things like not doing enough to prepare for the new year of homeschooling, etc.)? I felt *bad* after reading it. Not bad for you-- if anything the list showed how much you WERE doing and what high standards you held for yourself. But it just made me feel negative about my own un-done tasks and imperfect self. When you write about positives, I feel like you are sharing happiness with us-- not crowing / bragging. I love to read your blog because seeing your loving life (and you loving life) makes me happy every time I stop by! Thank you. 🙂
One more thing-- it turns out that there's very good research showing that putting on a temporary good face does, in fact, make us happier. So putting up a fake facade may actually help (perhaps as long as you allow yourself to believe your cheerfulness).
As always, very well said. Thank you for the great reminder.
I heard it said once that if you argue for your weaknesses (as in using them as excuses), they become yours. I think the same thing applies to focusing on the negative. Whatever you focus on multiplies.
Odd how people would criticise those of us who feel positive. In a world where there is so much rubish and heartache and worry about the future, those of us who choose the happiness trail out to be commended not critcised. It is too easy to take the easy way out and sook about the problems of the world. Much stronger is the character who chooses to happy path.
I am always suspicious of people who don't like smiling faces. My sappy happy look is natural, even when I am having a rough day I tend to fins things to laugh and smile about,genuinely-- like a cat doing something silly, or an absolutely great sunrise.
And one of my spiritual teachers,Carolyn Myss,mentions that in America we tend to practice "woundology.." we bare our souls to ust about everyone, and identify ourselves as "victims " of this and "sufferers of that.."
WHen I AM having a rough day,I tend to feel better when I smile more, stay busy and connect with people in a positive manner rather than wearing my sorrow on my sleeve.
I don't hide my tough times from myself, but I don't dwell on them ,I smile ON PURPOSE cause it makes your chemistry change, and because I don't LIKE to share my sad stuff with strangers!
Ah yes, a subject I know all too well about. I've always found it interesting that back in the day, when I was more angsty (still cheerful but I had a lot of baggage to unpack) and angry, I had a ton of readers and people commenting. The more positive my writings grew over the years, the fewer visits and comments. Makes ya go hmmmm... 🙂