What I learned in 2016
This is going to be kind of an off-topic post, so if you hate that kind of thing, you can stop here!
2016 was kind of a weird year for me.
I know that's true of 2016 for the world in general, but it was definitely a weird year for me personally too.
There was a lot of change at our house, for one thing.
Joshua got his driver's license, he and Lisey got their first jobs, Lisey had her tonsils out, Joshua had his wisdom teeth out, I had functional rhinoplasty, Lisey started her first non-homeschool classes, we went on vacation without Joshua for the first time...
And there was change in me.
I don't feel like I'm really the same person that I was when 2016 started, and mostly, I think that's good.
If you were my therapist or if I sat down with you over a cup of coffee (well, probably chai), I could tell you a more personal, detailed version of what has happened to me. But I'll try to sum it up in a sharing-publicly-on-the-internet fashion. 😉
I learned:
...that it's ok to color outside the lines.
And that some of the lines I was staying inside were dumb, self-imposed or other-person-imposed lines that didn't matter.
I hesitated for years to get a nose hoop instead of a stud for fear of what people would think. But I quit caring about that and did it anyway. People who would change their minds about me over a nose hoop probably aren't people who really love me for me anyway.
(This was before my surgery. I am currently nose-piercing-less due to my nose surgery)
Not every aspect of this change is internet-shareable, but I did some things I've never done before. Like, I bought red pants, I made spontaneous donut runs with Joshua and Lisey at 10 pm, I dyed my highlights (purple, then red, then pink), I stayed up too late, I hung out with friends when I had plenty of other work to do, and I baked cookies late at night just because I wanted some.
(None of which is particularly shocking, I know!)
(mid nose-surgery recovery here)
I think I'm just kind of questioning the, "You shouldn't do that!" voice in my head and evaluating whether it's valid.
Did God say this is a thing that's not good for me? Or is that a rule someone else made up?
And if it's something someone else made up, I'm ignoring it.
Life feels a lot lighter now that I'm not carrying around the rules and expectations of other people.
...that people usually feel valued when you delight in them.
I think I had this revelation when I was reading Tim Keller's book on prayer, and he was talking about God enjoying us, or us enjoying God. I can't remember.
And I know I've heard this concept before, but for some reason, it stuck with me this time.
If I am running around like a crazy person being super productive and doing all kinds of things that appear to serve my family, that doesn't necessarily make them feel valued.
And I realized the same is true for me. While I am grateful for the things that Mr. FG does for me and our family (paychecks are a lovely thing, for instance), what actually makes me feel loved is the delight that he takes in me. He likes to spend time with me, he thinks I'm cute inside and out, he thinks I'm hilarious...he values me for me.
Or when I think about my grandma, who died when Lisey was a baby, what I remember is the way that she made me feel loved because she was delighted to see me. It didn't matter that her house wasn't perfectly neat and clean and clutter-free...I always knew she loved me and so her house was one of my favorite places to be.
I like neat and clean as much as the next person, but I do not want to pursue that at the expense of other, more important things like loving the people in my life.
So, I've spent less time this year being productive and more time enjoying the people around me.
And you know what? Nothing really super terrible has happened as a result of me doing less and producing less.
Sure, I'm a little more last-minute now, and sometimes I don't have blog posts up every day, and my house is a little messier than it used to be, and sometimes I go to bed with a messy kitchen, but the people who live in my house are more valued, and that beats productivity any day.
(Lisey calls me Mom 2.0 now. Ha.)
...that work will never be done.
My productivity efforts now are a little different...I'm thinking more about what will serve the people around me rather than what will help me reach that elusive "all my work is done" state.
There is ALWAYS another thing to do at the end of the to-do list. Trying to reach the end of work is like trying to run a never-ending marathon and if I don't give up on that, there never will be space for things that are more important than work.
So.
I'm thinking more about how I can efficiently get things done so that I can have more time for spending with people, rather than trying to get things done so I can get more things done.
And I am better about dropping my plans and productivity to hang out with my people. It's not all going to get done anyway.
I think I'm just kind of letting things go a little more than I used to, and that's a healthy change for me.
_________________
Now, you'll notice I said "for me". Maybe some of you need to become more productive or you need to work harder than you are right now, and I don't want you to hear me saying that you need to grow in exactly the same ways I do.
Maybe your house is such a wreck, it's not serving your family well. Or maybe you're spending too much time hanging out and relaxing and not enough time getting your work done. Or maybe a 10 PM donut run isn't something you need more of in your life. 😉
But for me, spending less time doing and more time being is a healthy change because my default is to be in go, go, go mode. And since another default is to color so very far inside the lines, it's good for me to be slightly more adventurous.
Oohkay. I think that's about all I have to say on this subject.
And we'll be back to regularly scheduled programming tomorrow with a baking recipe. 😉
_________
If you want to, feel free to share what you learned in 2016 in the comments. And if you blogged about it, share your link!
I have noticed that your blog voice has changed slightly this year. Neither good, nor bad, just different. It always made me curious about what caused it, but I know this isn't really a personal, share all type blog. Not knowing all the details, I wonder how much of it has to do with your kids getting older and breaking away. If so, it makes me look forward to that time in my life a bit.
I feel like I could spend a lot more time being than doing, it is definitely something I struggle with.
I love this. Letting go is such a freeing feeling. But I think some of it comes with age, too. Because I'm noticing that the desire for "coloring outside the lines" and being adventurous is intensifying as I inch closer to 40. Lol.
Um, this is my favourite post of yours EVER! I also shared my recap today so I'm a big fan of recaps in general, but most of all, I love all the lessons you learned.
I also veer towards colouring inside the lines and the last two years (I'm 42) I've let go of that a lot 🙂
Very nicely done. The older I get the more I forget about stuff and remember the good times with people. The comment about your grandmother reminded me about mine. She has been gone over 35 years. On my birthday every year she would call me and sing happy birthday. We move away, not far but I had started school and didn't see her. Now every year I still think about her and her singing. It really is the simple things you remember.
All this year I kept thinking to myself that business as usual wasn't as fulfilling as it used to be. Now I know for sure that its that way for other moms, too. You just had your epiphany about 15 years earlier than I did! Perhaps that's because my kids aren't really kids anymore (the baby turned 18) and now I can shift my focus a bit. Part of that is that I want my family to do as much caring for me as I do for them. So, I am expecting, and receiving, a little more. And it's working, but...baby steps. I'm still the Mom (:
""I want my family to do as much caring for me as I do for them"". Love it!
Fantastic post! Red pants are a must in my closet. 🙂
This is a healthy part of moving forward in life. Re-evaluating, not doing things just because that's the way you've always done them...I went through it, too, when my kids were getting older. But funny thing is, you'll do it again, too. My kids have been grown and out of the house for years, and I feel I'm in a bit of a rut myself again. That's not really an accurate description, but it's as close as I can get to what I mean. What will happen if I DON'T mop the kitchen floor on Sunday afternoon? ( horrors) and do something I really WANT to do, instead? I'm not a spontaneous person. At all. I would like to work on that.
Our youngest graduated from college this year and my husband and I became empty nesters. I think we both changed when the kids started leaving home for their own adventures - in the same way you did - in that, we drop everything when they are here and just enjoy "being" with them. We both work hard when it's time and then we can go to the movies, skype about their lives, run out for pizza, etc. when it's time to be with them. And put our computers down, turn off the tv and just be. And we've made our visits to see them into our vacations - wherever they may live. And I am awfully glad that we both see it the same way!
Yay, Kristen. Good for you, good for your family. All the best in 2017.
Yay for you! I struggle with this also, so it's nice to get some encouragement from time to time. If you're looking for more inspiration, I am loving "The Liturgy of the Ordinary" by Tish Harrison Warren. There's even a chapter on eating leftovers, hee.
Wow! Great post! Love this!
For me this definitely happened when my kids got older, and especially when the oldest left home at 18. I stopped being so worried about getting things done. It's hard when the kids are little, because you feel like you only have so much time in the day to get a ton of stuff done. I'm still super busy since I do have younger kids at home, but I do more to spend time with them instead of just rushing around. It's a strange transition really....but it's something that I think most of us go through. And I want to try that hair color sometime. 🙂
"I’m thinking more about how I can efficiently get things done so that I can have more time for spending with people, rather than trying to get things done so I can get more things done."
This sentence struck a chord with me, Kristen! I am a new wife (1 yr), we have a 3 year old daughter, and we both work full time. When I sit back and look at 2016, it was full of to do lists, and me running around like a crazy person trying to make sure the kitchen was clean right after dinner every night, the entry into the house was presentable in case my in-laws decided to swing in, and the laundry was all caught up. I feel that my relationships with my daughter and husband suffered because I was, as you said, more focused on doing instead of being.
Thank you for putting into words what my feelings were! Here's to 2017 -- full of growth and love! 🙂
Thank your for sharing your beautiful story! I'm not sure I had any big epiphanies about life in 2016. But our third baby turned one, and I finished the course work for my phd program. Both somehow seem like huge accomplishments.
Having kids is hard. I've always wanted three or four. I feel like if I have made it through breastfeeding three I can really do this. I know I have a lot more parenting to do, but that first year is such a doozy for me it feels like I really did something. Or my husband and I have really done something.
Phd programs are hard too. Like hard for people that don't have three small people to care for. I've put in years of work to make it to this point, and I *only* have comprehensive exams and my dissertation to go. It seems so possible in a way that was just theoretical even six weeks ago.
My husband had a similar year. He went from a freelance business that barely covered our needs to a thriving business with two employees that could possibly Make our career and personal goals a reality.
So 2017 will be our year to establish a healthy rythum of work and relax a little. We're absolutely looking forward to a good year.
Those are good changes! When people are "over achieving moms" they often end up getting divorced--and pursuing a different life with someone else. I've seen that happen to many people I know...and I think I had mentioned that to you a few years ago. It's nice that you divorced yourself from the have-to-do's, not from the husband. 🙂 Yay you!
Anyone who says they don't change is just fooling themselves. Those who don't change as they get older (e.g. celebrities who desperately cling to their glory days of their youth) tend to be the ones that are the oddballs and not the ones who adjust to new situations.
That said, change is really hard and it's something I also have been working on.
In 2016 I had to adjust to becoming a father (though she was born at the end of 2015.) It hasn't been easy and I really know that a lot has changed in me. I never changed a diaper and the idea of doing laundry every 2-3 days seemed a bit out of my normal forte but here I am with a 15 month old who has run of the house. I've had to become a guy who can not lose their cool when said little one is throwing food or having a meltdown because we put her in the highchair.
Some other things in 2016 that changed were that my friends have pretty much gone by the wayside. I have hung out with my closest friends exactly twice in the calendar year of 2016 with no plans on the horizon. I've met some new people but nothing has really become anything close to friendship.
I don't own any red pants but I may pick up some raw denim. 😉
On a side note, I haven't read Tim Keller's book on prayer but The Prodigal God and Counterfeit Gods were both good reads (we went through them at Bible Study.)
Beautiful. A lovely description. I am one of those that needs to do better in keeping on task and have been making some strides in that area. It is still an encouragement to hear how others are growing and changing in their own areas. And to have it confirmed by your daughter, priceless.
I love this post and I love your pink hair! Hope your 2017 is full of more growth, but also more fun, and more time spent with your favorite people!
This post really resonated with me. Your honesty is so inspiring and I can't wait to read what 2017 holds for you!
Congratulations on your growth. Hurray for you. I say that in all lovingness and support from one you will probably never meet but supports anyone trying to be a more authentic them.
I really liked this post. Looking back at my time of being 40 or so from the far side of 60, I can see how things have changed with me along with my life situation. I wasn't really conscious of making changes at the time, but they definitely happened. I am actually more on top of the housekeeping game than I was when I had kids to care for, but I am making time for myself more, too. I'm trying to be more efficient, more thoughtful, more creatively productive, and more loving, both to myself and others, and it's an ongoing process. Congratulations on welcoming the changes instead of freaking out (e.g. "The kids are LEAVING HOME! The house is A MESS! What would people SAY if I ...?") like some do.
I loved the picture of your Grandma with Lisey. My Grandma Rose was very much like yours, she was so delighted to see me each time I came to visit, she made me feel so very special just for being there. I'm now a Nana to 4 beautiful grand kids and that's my total goal each time they come by; I want them to know how happy I am that they are here! I am so blessed that they live only 1.3 miles away and we get to visit often. I enjoyed your writing very much. Enjoy 2017!
I hope you're a lot happier in the New Year! BTW, that nose hoop looks fierce. Just sayin'. 🙂 I admire your courage, too! I'd love to do stuff like dye my hair fun colors and get more piercings, but I'm timid about what other people would say (and the pain of caring for a new piercing; ugh).
All of us change over time. And that's okay. So go on with those late-night donut runs and purple hair. Be happy and be you. It doesn't make you any less of a person of faith to try new things.
As far as lessons from 2016, there were a lot of them. It was a big year; we bought a house and celebrated one year of marriage. 🙂 For me it was learning about the purpose of life. I honestly don't think my 9-to-5 job is fulfilling to me. But I discovered the joy of writing and blogging and it's been so wonderful. I finally found a creative outlet and a way to be myself. Ahhh.
I am 38 and the homeschooling mother of three. We have a small farm and my husband works off farm in a job that has brutal hours. 2016 was a year of change for me too. I started understanding that I was buried in my family obligations and I'd become a bit of a ghost.
I began to carve "me" time. I scheduled doctor's visits for health things I'd put off, took a couple of days by myself and, you know, I'm a better person for it.
I feel much comfier in my own skin.
I think Kristen 2.0 is pretty awesome!
I've learned similar "lessons" over the past few years. Too many people I loved passed away, and the fact that life is short and moments pass quickly really, really resonated with me.
It's been challenging to induce more spontaneity, more donut runs (we started that, too), but so far- a success.
People come first before to do lists.
Thank you for sharing- you're the best!
Great post. I had also noticed a change, but just couldn't put my finger on it. May I ask--Have you just turned 40? Something about that birthday seems to happen to a lot of us...a deeper thinking, slightly slowing down. And, since I know these same thoughts, I think it is a Good Thing!
Heh, actually, I'm 38 (will be 39 in April). So, you're not super far off!
There is so much truth in your posting today. Lots of it resinated with me. Have an awesome 2017.
What a great post! We are about to start fostering, so I (briefly) looked around some blogs for tips on housekeeping while working full time. My conclusion was essentially the same point as this post: If I have to spend 20 (extra) hours per week trying to keep up my house, that's 20 hours I'm NOT spending with my family. So my house can be a little messy. The laundry won't all be washed/folded/put away. And that's ok. Good for you!
Yes! Yes! To all of this! I think these are wonderful insights and changes:)
Kristen, This is a terrific post and not at all, to my mind, off-topic.
In our society, we place productivity, activity and achievement above everything, no matter what we say...
HOW we spend our time truly reflects what is important to us.
Yes, we all want clean and clutter-free homes, but that's so we can enjoy each other in them. Not to get photographed for a magazine or held up as an example of our superior housekeeping skills.
PEOPLE first, and always. That's what so many of us say, then, we spend our time on so many other things that there is nothing left to bring and share with those we love.
Appreciating and delighting in one another (delight is the perfect word) demonstrates how much we truly value another. Parents especially can forget this as they have the tough, ongoing job of correcting kids.
I remember years ago, Toni Morrison was on Oprah talking about how we greet our children. She talked about the importance of greeting with a smile and welcome and delight, and not, as so many of us do with: Why are you wearing that? Go comb your hair. Did you do your homework?
When we value someone, our eyes light up, our tone changes and we embrace each other with joy and appreciation. A friend who lost a child reminded me and others that you should enter each encounter with a loved one as if it might be the last, and with joy and delight.
Now, that is no easy feat on a morning when the kids are running amuck and everyone is late and the usual chaos goes on. But we must focus on what really matters. Perfection is not what endears us to those we love, whether spouse, partner, family, child or friend.
How often do we praise someone versus comment on something that needs fixing?
What are we really saying to those we love when we spend more time cleaning up than just BEING with them?
You can never do too much to let someone know you value them and every encounter should start with that intention.
Even when we are challenged by circumstances.
I'm not talking about Pollyanna smiles and faking it, but still finding the joy even amidst daily demands.
Thank you for this article. It really really is what we all need to be reminded of and to help us keep our focus.
Life isn't about the cleanest house or the most clutter-free or pretty. It's about how those around us feel based on how we treat them and vice versa.
And it is a two-way street although with kids, well, they need to be pretty mature to realize the world does not revolve around them and that both mom and dad need some TLC and love from them as well. Some children are born knowing this and doing it. Others, well, they will hopefully learn from our example.
Thanks for sharing this.
Wow! Thanks for your reply. I learned a lot about some stuff I want to work on because of reading your words
I know exactly what you mean and good for you in realizing it and doing it. It's not easy letting go, but I decided that for 2017 I was going to let go of a lot too. Below is my 2017 Resolutions blog post... Thanks for letting me share.
It's almost that time of year again. A time of reflection and a time of new beginning. A new slate, a new piece of fresh, clean, crisp, bright white paper to start writing on using your best pen and best handwriting. Can you smell the freshness of it?
I've been giving a lot of thought to the changes I'd like to implement in my life for 2017 and my thoughts keep leaning toward peace, forgiveness, pleasure and beauty.
Those thoughts leave me interested in learning to let go of everything that I have no control over. And, if I really break that down further I have to ask myself, what do I really have control over? Nothing.
So in realizing that in truth, I have control over nothing, except for my actions or perhaps my reactions, this is what I've come up with.
2017 RESOLUTIONS
#1 PEACE AND FORGIVENESS
Letting go of.........
the hurt feelings
the regrets
the wish I had done this or that back then
the I wasn't treated right
the I wish I hadn't done that
the I did the best I could
the I'm not good enough
#2 PLEASURE
There is a reason the days of the past are called the "good old days" and I'm sure that I've never seen "I wish I had worked one more day" engraved on a headstone.
For a long time now I've been trying to be uber conservative and frugal and I don't think there is anything wrong with that, until it becomes extreme and you realize that your happiness isn't being considered in that frugal conservative process.
Now, I'm not saying I'm going to start spending money willy nilly or not continue to make mindful frugal decisions. As a matter of fact I intend to become even more detailed in tracking our finances and expenses because retirement is a year closer and we need to be ready.
What I'm saying is I want to find a balance. I'm not going to quickly pass on the fun, the events or opportunities for pleasure simply because I don't want to spend the money. I'm not going to make money the ultimate reason for doing or not doing....
#3 BEAUTY
I'm going to plant the flowers even though we can't eat them
I'm going to buy the great pair of shoes because I just love them
I'm going to buy the red lipstick
I'm going to get my hair done
I'm going to do my Yoga
I'm going to wear out those new exercise shoes
I'm going to eat the chocolate cake and the ice cream
I'm going to dress myself in my style, not just for my comfort
I'm going to give thought to my wants to understand why I want.....
While I was succesful in 2016 with quitting smoking and quitting a 20 year use of Prilosec, which I am extremely happy about. 2016 was still a bit of a crappy year. I'm not going to whine about it, because nobody likes a whiner. I'm just going to say that I had a lot of illness and injury and even battled with a bit of depression. With all of that, I lost sight of what is most important to me.
I am loved by the most amazing Man and I am completely head over heals in love with him. He is the love of my life and all he wants is for me to be happy. It took us a long time to find each other and I don't intend to waste one more single minute on anything less important and EVERYTHING is less important than my husband.
What about you, do you have any resolutions you want to share. I'd love to hear about them.
Lori
wedding pic 1
Ha! I read your post and was composing a comment in my head, and then I read the other comments and realized everything I was going to say has been said 🙂 Yes, I have also noticed the slight change in tone in your blog, (I love it, for what it's worth), I too have had similar recent experiences (including the nose hoop! Which I replaced from a stud a couple of years ago after agonizing about if for FAR TOO LONG) and I too wonder if it has something with turning 40/having older kids who no longer need help washing their hair, cutting their meat, etc.
I just wanted to say thank you so much for writing. I admire how well you balance sharing and authenticity with tact and privacy. I enjoy your blog very much, and I love this post. I turn 40 this week and can relate to so much of what you share. It's so nice to be in such good company.
Thanks again, and all the best for a wonderful 2017!
Happy Birthday!! I turn 39 tomorrow so I am nearly right there with you.
Ditto
amen Kristen.i am a few years older than you and I know I have changed in the last few years.it comes with getting older.i am learning that what I think and feel about myself matters more than what other people think and feel about me. and I need to get better about taking care of the house though .so these are things I need to work on and get better at.
Yay you! 10 pm donut runs are the best. And so are red pants.
I have been a bit more spontaneous this year, too. And I started saying yes to people instead of things. I am spending more of my resources (time, money, thought) on friends and family because that is what I will remember.
I love this post. My husband and I are such rule-followers and sometimes that means we miss out on fun and spontaneity. Like sometimes we cancel camping trips because it might rain (so lame, I know), or we choose not to go to a 7:30 pm concert because it will upset our kids' schedule. Here's to 2017 and being more open to adventure!
Thanks for sharing! It's so encouraging to hear how God is shaping and changing you. 2016 was a year of learning to give myself grace. The first half of the year I was pregnant and we welcomed our second child in July. I was tired and in need of naps much of the year, which when I nap during my daughter's naptime it means my house doesn't look as great. But it's a season and that's OK. I give others grace and have been learning the importance of giving that same grace to myself.
Sounds like 2016 was good to you!
I am still at a point where I need more "go, go, go" in my life, both since that's not how I'm naturally inclined and because my kids are still mostly young enough that things descend into utter chaos very, very quickly. I think the move toward being more laid-back and less regimented comes for many with having older kids, and I know I can feel envious of my friends who have older kids and more freedom. But, this stage of life is good for me, because I am by nature a very undisciplined and disorganized person, so I won't be either organized or disciplined unless I'm forced to!
What I really want to focus on in 2017 is thinking more about the big picture of my life, because I'm realizing, as I'll be turning 40 this coming year, that it's so easy for years to go by and really be no closer to personal goals. So taking small, realistic steps towards big-picture goals is something I am trying to do this year.
I love this post! This is something that has happened in my home as well. This last year my hubby of almost 29 years and I became empty nesters. We moved our 23 year old out AND to a town 35 miles away and then he got married to an amazing girl the next month. I turned 48 and DH turned 50. Something happened in the middle of all that. I learned so many lessons. Lessons I wished I had learned sooner. You said it perfectly--coloring outside the lines. I've learned that not everything has to be perfect, not everything has to be done RIGHT NOW, not everything has to go exactly as planned and I learned to just......wing it at times---and that its ok. Turning 48 was extremely freeing to me. I was finally able to leave some hurts and scars in the past and look towards a very exciting future. I learned that it's ok to be ME and that is exciting!! Thank you so much for this and congrats to you too
PS I even forwarded it to my sweet husband to read and he loves it as well! He said that is GOOD!
I learned a few things in 2016, most importantly, that I should say yes to doing things that scare me a little (dry suit snorkelling in Iceland, an equestrian show jumping workshop, a big presentation at work), because completing them anyway is empowering; and that I will always have the exact life I want - meaning that I am the one who built this life for myself, and if some part of it is making me unhappy, then I am the one who has to step up and change it. So in 2017, I'm changing my career path to something that, while less challenging, is better paid and fewer hours, so that I can take more time for my health, start dating again, and build a more rounded life (and I'm keeping the show jumping lessons!)
Here's to 2017!
Sounds good. Enjoy your life and your friends. I did.
Great post! I, too, gave up "the rules" in 2016. It was difficult at times for others in my life - their expectations and my dreams apparently didn't line up. In years past, I've said "oh well" and gone back to my mediocrity. But with a lot of prayer this year, I've learned that God gave me a different story and I'm writing it.
I took risks.
I got my first apartment.
I finished my second college degree.
I bought red pants (aren't they great?!).
I went on my first airplane ride and then did it again 2 months later.
I went on a date. And another, and another.
I fell in love.
I'm happier than I've been in my 36 years.
And it all started by going back to the rules I lived by and determining whether God said it wasn't good for me or did someone else say that because it made life easier for them?
I've decided that 2016 was my year of 'firsts'. 2017 shall be my year of 'learning'.
Can't wait to see how it's written!
Fist bump for the red pants! 😉
That's wonderful. What a graceful way to change with the changing circumstances (driving, jobs, etc.) of your family life.
I also appreciate that you recognize the changes valuable for you are not the same for everyone. For example, it is very important to me to focus on my work right now. Not my career – I have a terminal diagnosis so that doesn't matter anymore – but the work I do, and have done for years, trying to deliver healthcare to the underserved and to be a voice for people under represented in important discussions and often not prioritized. also on the list – training someone to pick up where I leave off when I need to resign.
You may, as a frugality blogger, Wish to address some of the expenses of an incurred disability. We maintain emergency savings, but really had not taking into account all of the unplanned expenses that have come with this change. Replacing door knobs, putting in an electronic deadbolt since I can't manage keys anymore, the Uber rides when I'm too stiff to drive, etc.
Yes, it's so important to think about what's important for YOU at whatever stage in life you find yourself. What's good for someone else isn't necessarily what's good for you.
I know so little about disability expenses...maybe you should write a guest post for me!
Good for you Kristen! I have enjoyed your blog all year, but I think this is really a great post! This was a year of change for me as well. Unfortunately it took me a lot longer (age-wise) to realize that it's ok to go out of the box, color outside the lines, etc. God really took me out of the box a few times this year and I am a better person for it. I'm looking forward to hearing how you continue to grow in this area.
The world as a whole seems to have shifted and the rules we conduct ourselves with have to be re-evaluated. I'm giving myself more freedom to ask forgiveness, rather than permission. I love seeing how much fun you're having! Work is never done, but time with our loved ones is fleeting. (P.S. Love the new nose ring! I'm considering my first tattoo, in my 30s. 2017 is a brand new year!)
I may have thought about a tattoo as well...
If I do it, it'll be tiny and able to be covered by clothes. So nothing craaaazy.
I have a sweet little tattoo. When you're my grandfather sent me money for my birthday and told me to "put it towards something that lasts." So…
That should be "one year my grandfather"
Haha, that's awesome!
I turned 66 years old at the end of 2016. I don't want to sound too cliched, but you only go around once in this life. Don't let busyness make you miss those so important things that only happen once. Especially where your children are concerned. I made that mistake, attempting to "fit it all in". I worked full time outside the home out of necessity, but my days off were filled with a lot of busyness that could have waited, whereas my my children's lives could not and did not. Don't misunderstand, I have wonderful children that love me, but it was ME that missed out by allowing my priorities to get skewed. You are wise re-evaluating your life and recognizing the red flags. To quote my late husband, "A hundred years from now, who'll know the difference?" Did everything get done? Was the house spotless? Were all the i's dotted and the t's crossed? Naww.... But you enjoyed your children and you got a nose ring and bought red pants! Good for you! May I suggest that you google the poem "When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple by Jenny Joseph. It says it all....
LOVE my red pants! And, I have red boots also that just make me so darn happy
2016 was the year I finally got smarter. Much, much smarter. And very much more wiser.
It also was the year I decided to finally be me and suffer the consequences for being 'me'.
It was also the year I found out not too many people liked 'me' but it didn't matter anymore.
I was finally 'me'.
And I liked 'me'.
I thought 'me' was a grand, honest, down-to-earth, pull-no-punches human being.
It was also, finally, after 66 attempts, the year I finally got my finances in order.
(I'm a slow learner)
That was the part of 'me' I liked the best.
Like so many others, I love this post! I'm glad that your loosened-up attitude is making you happy. I used to be a lot like the old you, following other people's rules and expectations. I figured hitting 40 was a good excuse for making changes and I'm much happier with me, my family, and life in general. Yay for you 2.0!
Hanging out with Kristen 2.0 has been a lovely memory in my 2016. People won't remember our houses (unless they're remarkably cluttered), but they'll remember how they felt in our homes. I want mine to be full of PEACE. I love the way God is changing you!
Thank you for your honesty in sharing this beautiful growth process!
Excellent post. I think many adults are still being the "responsible child" -- yes, people's priorities change or become clear finally when they're faced with kids growing up and moving on or when they approach a milestone birthday or when they become ill, but I see this post differently. That self-imposed burden of being the Responsible one is exhausting sometimes. When we decide, finally, to get out there, set our hair on fire and let the world know who we truly are, put ourselves first just once (oh the horror!), freely speak our mind, etc., we feel like we're being irresponsible and selfish. Of course, I wouldn't know anything about this...ha!
Two things:
1) Your words here really resonate with me. As am oldest child of a conservative homeschooling family, towing the line became who I was. And the voice (I've taken to calling them gremlins a la Brene Brown's description of that negative inner voice) wasn't even reasonable or logical but just pushing pushing pushing to do more, be more, and feel more worthy. Im in a super busy season for work and I'm trying to remain steady and focused on Him to keep that at bay. Thanks for your candor.
2) We live in the same neighborhood! I thought I recognized you (like a celebrity sighting!) at our beach on Halloween. Your daughters' costumes were a huge source of excitement for me and my girls (my daughter and niece). I was stoked to see the non-princess side of Belle (who is my favorite). Hope we'll run into you again and I'll be brave enough to say hi! 🙂
Girl! You totally should have said hi. 😉 Glad to know a new neighbor.
Hmm... what I've learned at the end of 2016 (with the help of a therapist!) is that I need something in my life that makes me vibe. I need a passion. And I need to make time for it. A a mom of 2 young kids, working full time, caring for a house (with hubby), etc, I kind of lost myself somewhere in there. And when the therapist asked me what it is I like to do in my spare time, I gave him a blank stare. Sure, before the kids I used to enjoy writing poetry. I used to do photography. I really like dancing. But now, hmm.... So I decided to get back to photography. I bought myself a good camera and I've booked 10 hours of classes with a photographer!
I also learned that, as I am struggling with a mild form of social anxiety and low self-esteem, I need to stop avoiding situations (like going out with a friend for a cup of tea). So I'm putting myself out there a bit more, getting out of my comfort zone. It's not easy but it's beneficial, and it does boost my self-esteem.
I also realized that I need to work on expressing my anger in a better way (less destructive... I tend to keep it inside then blow up at my husband).
So all of this is all new and this is my work-in-progress for 2017.
And also taking better care of my health and body, but that is a whole other story (struggle).
Have a good 2017 year!!!
A good therapist is a wonderful thing!
Thank you for this post. It was just what I needed. My husband and I recently added another child to our family through adoption. It was been a transition for us all, we also have a 4 year old son, and I feel like I have spent the last 5 weeks running around worrying about the things that aren't getting done. So, I feel like I need to stop and enjoy the loved ones around me. I know this stage of life won't last and I need to soak it all up while it's here.
You're not alone. I also had a wonderfully freeing year; I feel 23 again!
I think it's fairly common and personally I think a lot of it is to do with our children getting older and more independent. I think the teenage years are the best! Personally I'm beginning to see what life after the kids leave home (well part time initially, when they go to university) might/could look like (eldest applies this year!) I have a few friends whose eldest has recently left for college with their second just 1-2 school years behind, having similar feelings, essentially of less responsibility.
I have also been on a huge fitness kick, so physically feel amazing too.
I was curious about the nose hoop!
I have never been a person who was super organized. I'm a last minute scrambler/ten o'clock scholar to my core. Reading your blog all these years has always been a source of amazement at what you get done and an inspiration for me to try harder. For example, I am sick right now, so my tree is still up, and the other decorations are piled on the coffee table. The lights are still up and I love them. We're experiencing a series of storms and I'd rather DH just leave them until the weather clears. You know what? It's okay.
I confess I never saw this coming from you, Kristen. Welcome to my side of the street! It's lovely over here, too.
BTW, can I please count my bright red jeans jacket? I don't need any more clothes, so I don't see any red pants on my horizon. I'll bet you look dang cute in yours.
Thanks for a lovely post to start the new year.
Your jacket counts. 😉
I think I've figured out that I am still interested in getting things done, but not so that I can then get more things done. So, I'm mainly trying to get the things done that actually do serve my family and me, and letting go of the things that don't.
Love your lessons learned in 2016, especially whether to wear a nose hoop affected what people might think of you. Went through a similar experience, but found other women were envious of my nose hoop, not judgemental nor critical.
At my age,43, it is more along the lines of just a pretty little hoop in my nose as a tiny bit of self-expression, a smidgen of rebellion, and a sprinkle of hope that I’ll ...have a bit of freedom and independence. When I put on my makeup, if it weren't there, I'd feel like I had only one earring instead of two. Afterwards, I smile and realize my nose hoop is a part of me giving me at peace with myself. Like you, I realized I stopped caring what others think of me. I have started caring what I think of me.
Some asked, why did I shed my conservative appearing cute little diamond nose stud? I'd tell them it not that I'm making a statement, but I wanted some change in my life. I wanted a little symbol for others to see my inner feelings, hope and enthusiasm, like the little endless little hoop in my nose. It may sound silly, but a tiny, little silver, beaded hoop in my nose, has been a huge self confidence booster!
Know you've recently had to remove you nose hoop due to needed surgery, but suspect when you look in the mirror you miss it because it's part of your personality. Fortunately you can regain that feeling soon having it repierced. You might even have it pierced again this time with a little hoop. Nonetheless, I suspect you're ready to regain at least a small part of freedom and fancy. Doing so will reaffirm we've always liked the girls we were, but loved even more the women we've become.
When I'm not wearing a stitch of makeup and look in the mirror, I smile because of that tiny bit sass remains on my face after all of the makeup is gone. It' a tiny little change in appearance, but it brings a whole lot of happy to my face:) Know people who really love you don't care whether you wear a nose stud or hoop. However, don't worry what others think of you just be you!
Angie
angietune@hotmail.com
Yeah, I'm not allowed to pierce it again for several more months. Gotta let it heal and then I can decide what I want to do.
Glad you're enjoying your nose hoop!
I loved this post. Living in a way that is authentic to who you are is so important. I'm a married, 47 year old mother of 2 teens and a full time physician. Over the past few years, I have started noticing when I'm doing things out of obligation vs doing things because they light me up as a person.
I recently started working part time. It's possibly not great for my career, but having that breathing room is great for me. If I feel good when I'm working, everything else just works better. I smile more, stop and talk to people, give extra to my patients and to projects I care about.
I want to sparkle and shine every day, and live fearlessly. Thanks for showing examples of how to do this day to day, bit by bit. Peace and love to you.
Loved this post of yours! I am getting ever closer to the big 60 and although I kept a very clean house when my son was young- he was still allowed to roller blade through the house swinging his hockey stick.
One day, a girl friend was over and my son came blading through the house with hockey stick swinging. She was horrified. She asked why I would allow my son to behave like that in such a beautiful home- I told her it may be a beautiful house but it is his home and he should always feel comfortable enough to be himself. Those are some of our most treasured memories of his youth!
Now that I have a 4 year old grandson, you can be I still keep a clean, nice house but have a grandson dribbling a basketball through it or throwing me a football. What fun times!
I keep my gray hair colored because it makes my mom happy and I figure that is a small pleasure I can give her- but when she is gone, I will happily embrace the gray.
Finding that life balance really is the secret to a happy, healthy life.
Enjoy 2017!
I love this blog so much! and i love you honesty in this post! you are awesome! Thanks for sharing!
Woah! I love this post so much. Not many people make these kind of life-changing, positive changes. Congratulations on these realizations and new developments. It sounds like you're also having more joy in the process! Cheers!! <3
Kirsten,
Thank you for this post. 2016 has been a roller coaster year for me. I've planned trips to 15 countries and live in a foreign country; I've contemplated divorce; I've seen our youngest become a teenager. I've felt out of control in so many different areas. It's been a wild ride! Your positive spin on changes has helped me view the blessings I've had during this time. Thank you.
Love your hoop! The stud was really cute as well.
You might be able to put a hoop back after all, even though the alignment of your nose changed a bit. I don't think they really separated the outer flesh from the inside. When a nose (or an ear) is pierced, a flesh tunnel is formed, and this tunnel doesn't usually close completely. It just gets narrow.
you can try to take a small earring (which is a bit thinner) or a nose stud and try to gently push it through the hole. If it doesn't go in, a skilled pierced might be able to use a small taper to open the hole without piercing it again.
And if you have to, pierce it again! It looks really nice. I wish my wife would agree to pierce her nose too.
Well, the problem too is that there are new pieces of cartilage inside my nose in the area that was pierced, and a new piercing would need to go through the cartilage. So yeah...if I want a hoop or stud again, piercing is in my future.
But I'm still not even cleared for that, so my nose will have to be its plain self for now!
Dear Kristen,
I love your blog and am an avid reader for years now. I enjoy reading your take on life. Certainly I´ve noticed the change of tone in you posts and I am wondering:
Does it have anything to do with finances? Do you have a little bit more breathing room in your budget? Does it contribute to the more relaxed style?
Yours,
Eva
Hi, Eva!
Mr. FG and I definitely have more wiggle room in our budget than we did in 2008, when I started blogging. But over the last year, I've learned some things and changed, and I'd say that's contributed more to my current style than anything. I wrote about that here: https://www.thefrugalgirl.com/2017/01/what-i-learned-in-2016/
Hi Kristen!
I might be a teensy-weensy but biased but I definitely think you should go for it and get your nose repierced - when you're allowed to of course.
I had my nose pierced when I was a student and got it pierced again when I was 31, nine years ago. My husband asked me a load of times if I'd consider it and I'd missed it, so I got it redone. For a while before I did wonder how people would react but decided it was my nose and if I wanted a shiny jewel in it then that was my decision!
I turned 40 in December and can't imagine not having it. I do wear a tiny diamond stud most of the time but do sometimes wear a thin hoop.
Fi
I'm definitely leaning that way. I just have to wait for my next nose checkup to get the all clear.
Hope you get the go ahead - I bet your nose feels strange without it being pierced atm!
I sometimes take my stud out for a few hours if I've got a heavy head cold and it just feels a bit odd without it there.