What are your favorite healthy & affordable coping mechanisms?
This train of thought began after I saw a headline, and I can't even remember what the headline was, or exactly where I saw it!
It had something to do with the difference between numbing and coping, which is something I have thought about a lot over the last few years.
And we're just gonna ride my train of thought, even if it's a little disorganized.
Numbing vs. Coping
In my mind, numbing mechanisms are things that block negative, unpleasant feelings; I think of substance use (alcohol, drugs, smoking), excessive spending, excessive eating, overworking, doomscrolling, and so on. These don't address the root issue; they just serve to cover over/push away the unpleasant feelings temporarily.
On the other hand, I have a more positive association with coping mechanisms; I think of these as activities/habits that resource me, such as exercising, sleeping, and journaling.
These things don't cover over/push away the unpleasantness; rather, they make ME more capable of handling the unpleasantness.
(I suppose there is some overlap between positive coping mechanisms and self-care. If we do a good job of taking care of ourselves, we are more equipped to handle the difficult things life throws our way.)
Numbing kicks the can down the road
Numbing is useful to an extent, but it is not a good long-term solution. It's sort of like how when someone has had surgery, numbing meds are very useful for the first few days.
But we don't usually want to keep a post-surgical patient on morphine long-term.
I think one of the reasons I've processed through so much of my trauma in the last few years is that I've largely managed to avoid numbing mechanisms. I have sat with the raw pain as the unprocessed memories have popped up, I have ridden the waves of grief and anger, and I think this has helped move me along the path of healing faster.
If we numb the pain instead, all of that processing work is still sitting there waiting for us, ready to pop up as soon as the numbing wears off.
Numbing, unfortunately, is a way of procrastinating the processing and healing.
Not numbing? You need to be ready to cope!
When we're not numbing ourselves, we feel all the raw realness of life, including all the unpleasantness.
And that's when we need coping mechanisms, things that ready us to face/handle/process all the tough stuff.
Low-Cost, Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Numbing mechanisms are often quite expensive (Have you seen the price of alcohol??), but coping mechanisms can also be pricey (Massages come to mind!)
I'm guessing the commentariat here has a collection of inexpensive ways they resource themselves. So, I'm going to do a quick bullet list of some of my favorite healthy coping mechanisms, and then I'll ask you to share too.
My Frugal Favorites
In no particular order, except how these occurred to me in real-time as I wrote this post:
- walking outside, in the woods
- going to bed early
- breathing slowly (as in....purposely pausing to take slower, deeper breaths)
- lifting weights
- talking with empathetic friends
- prioritizing protein, produce, and whole grains
- watching sunrises and sunsets, or just pausing to look up at the clouds
All of these things put my body and my mind in a more settled, resourced state. And then I'm in better shape to handle what life throws my way.
Your turn! Tell us your favorite frugal and healthy coping mechanisms. What do you do to resource yourself?
P.S. I do also think therapy is a useful way to resource yourself. Unfortunately, it is not usually very affordable, which is why it's not on the list of frugal coping mechanisms.
P.P.S. I am not a mental health professional and I am not qualified to treat/give advice on addictions. I'm simply sharing about my own experience and my own perspective as it relates to things that help me cope. 🙂
When I find myself feeling overwhelmed/hurting/helpless/being treated unfairly etc......I try to remember that there always are other people worse off than me. And then I try to help. When having helped somebody else I feel tremendously empowered and am then ready to tackle my own issues. I guess this not immediately dealing with my own issues could count as a kind of numbing myself for a little while. But then the coping comes into effect.
@Lea, you could think of it as setting yourself up for success.
@Lea, that’s also a way of reminding yourself that you can make a difference, building your own confidence before tackling the issues that are closer to home.
Thanks for clear thoughts and a forward focus, as usual!
My main frugal coping mechanisms are
- self care (healthy diet, priorisation of sleep, exercise)
- nature (walking, outdoor swimming, and even just watching the birds on the feeder, or the cat doing her patrol round in the garden)
- Vitamine L (hanging out with my family, texting my cousins, walks with friends).
- self knowledge (acknowledge my own pitfalls, move myself from numbing to coping, review my weekly thankfuls and the "soul food" section in my agenda to find things that make me happy).
During the early years of menopause I created a list with signs by which I can tell that I am in a downward circle (doomscrolling, sugar craving and more) and also a list of things that help me get out of a negative spiral (as mentioned above, and more). I used to check that list a lot and now I have it more or less etched in my mind. However, there are always a few weeks in autumn when I feel sluggish, tired and down, when I am caught by surprise as it were. Then I need to remind myself that with less daylight, I need to practise self care more. And bring on the fairy lights! 🙂
@JNL, I think you may have posted this idea of listing out signs of spiraling downward and behaviors that boost the opposite a few months ago and I just wanted to say that I tried it and it was helpful! I think innately I knew the signs but it's good to name it so it's real. Thanks for sharing!
@CrunchyCake,
Ah thanks! It makes me happy to hear you found it helpful - 🙂
@JNL, and I missed the last mention but what an excellent idea - a red flag list because so much numbing happens mindlessly - thank you for this thought
@CrunchyCake, I also though the same thing and have made a list,which also incudes sugar craving! reading her post I can see that the sugar thing is always a sign that I am “giving up” on something or just”giving in” to negatives..a good realization! I can reach for fruit!
Loving all the ideas I am picking up here in this post!!!
Online jigsaw puzzles. Never in my life had I been a fan of jigsaw puzzles, until the last six month or so. I find doing one or two brings my stress level down. The website "jigsaw explorer" has an unlimited supply and they're free (I just close the ads when they pop up).
@BJS, My husband is a real fan of these as well. He started doing them when he was helping to care for his parents in the last two years of their lives, which was very stressful.
@BJS, I like jigsawplanet.com; it's free, you can choose your puzzle difficulty/style as well as your background color.
@BJS, I had no idea that online puzzles existed. Thank you!
I think numbing can be useful to an extent. I have a lifelong habit of immersing myself in a book to escape whatever is overwhelming in the moment, and then reemerging more grounded, more ready to deal. Then I can process, breathe, walk, notice joys. I also have quotes and poems I return to, like “this too shall pass” and Mary Oliver’s “Wild Geese.”
@JaeFi,
I think so too, that numbing can be useful to a certain extent. Isn't that what is happening when people often first are under shock for a little while where they don't feel anything (= being numb) after the terrible hurt - psychological or physically - happened?
There is no black and white in my opinion.
@Lea, Good point about shock, makes me think we actually need numbing sometimes.
@JaeFi, I agree. Sometimes it helps to mentally walk away from the pain so the wound has some time to heal a bit. Then it’s time for rehab.
@WilliamB,
Well put. I think it also helps to physically remove oneself from a difficult situation. It helps to de-escalate conflicts especially when emotions are making problem solving impossible.
@JaeFi, I recall from my professional editing days that both "emotion-focused" and "distraction-focused" coping can be helpful, depending on what type of person you are and what the situation is. For example, when I can't sleep, I find that distraction (in other thoughts, images, mentally recorded music, etc.) is helpful. I also admit to distraction in a few fantasies: Hellooooo, Ciaran Hinds as Captain Wentworth!
I think of it as taking a break! You can't work on processing or grieving 24/7; it's too exhausting. Everyone needs a balance.
@A. Marie, "mentally recorded music" Great phase! As long as it's not an earworm! 🙂
My best frugal coping mechanisms are also going to the woods, petting my dogs, cuddling my kids (if they're calm- this one can backfire), baking, or reading a good book that puts my problems into perspective. I just listened to a Hidden Brain episode about how nature heals us- very relevant to your post today!
I agree with focusing on what I can control. I work in an elementary school, so somedays I go to sit in the music class, or in a Kindergarten room. There's always laughter in there. 🙂
After work, or if I'm in a tough spot at home, sitting outside on an adirondack chair helps, because the angle forces me to look up at the sky, trees, birds.
I took a community resilience class a few years ago and learned about grounding with my body. I also learned to look at colors, for example, how many shades of green do I see outside? Or how many sounds can I hear right now? Sounded hokey when I heard it, but it really works.
@MommaJo,
Music!!!! It can be so healing and comforting. It can engage the brain so it easier to focus. The Mozart Effect.
@MommaJo, I agree. Children have the most contagious laughter.
The timing is good on this discussion! I have a lengthy assignment due today for my class. I've found that when I'm feeling overwhelmed by the many assignments (admittedly, this is somewhat ongoing right now), my numbing/coping sometimes takes the form of odd productivity. Maybe it's me trying to feel competent and in control when the classwork makes me feel the opposite. All those chores that were at the bottom of my list now suddenly seem more appealing- and checking them off makes me feel productive (rather than like a procrastinator). Did our pantry need to be deep cleaned and organized? Yes, but not immediately. Did the cars need to be vacuumed and scrubbed? Yes, but also not right now. Likewise with a whole list of tasks, lol. Is my assignment still due tonight?? Yes! My family jokes about it a little, and I have said it is a coping mechanism. At least it's productive and not destructive, lol. Walking/exercising, eating healthy, and helping/connecting with people are part of my standard routine as well. And reminding myself that education is a privilege. I'm blessed that this is my current stressor when there are so many more difficult situations in the world.
Btw, many employers offer free or discounted counseling/therapy options for their employees, so that could be a frugal option!
Now I'm off to clean out the refrigerator and iron the curtains. Just kidding!! Hopefully. Today's goal is productivity for professional work and to knock out the rest of that assignment by tonight. Happy Monday, all!
You could always dust the baseboards too! 😉
@Kristen, funny you should mention the baseboards. I did notice that they needed to be dusted. I reigned myself in and wrote it on my list of "things to do between semesters". Can't wait. Whee!
@Kristen, oh my gosh. That brings back a memory. We shared longterm caregiving for an elderly relative (several months each year, in our home). Despite being vigilant and watching for same, they put a soiled Depends into a load of laundry- undetected until I was transferring the laundry to the dryer. What a huge mess! The absorbent material had exploded and absorbed as much liquid as it could. Like a snow bomb of wet, slimy “stuff”. I had to take all the laundry out, clean out as much of the slimy stuff as I could, run the laundry through two more times and finally run a washing machine “cleaning cycle” (which until then I didn’t even know was a thing - mine takes 1.5 hours). That meant I was spending a lot of time sitting on the floor by the washing machine - where I finally noticed - oh my gosh - I really need to clean these baseboards (which I proceeded to do). So that is my “how I spent my Sunday” saga which included dusting and washing my baseboards and my “baseboards ptsd”. And btw, the relative was blissfully unaware - and I never mentioned it - but I definitely stepped up my vigilance before I ran a load of laundry
@PD, I call this productive procrastination. It’s one of my faves when I have a nasty bit of work I need to do (such as deal with the blasted insurance company).
*reined in.....
@PD,
The list, AKA a brain dump, can help.
@Bee, For me as well. Lists are my happiest way to stop juggling things I need to do in my head. Acting on my list is another story!
That’s when WilliamB’s method comes in. I never get so many chores done as when I need to get something big and onerous done instead.
@WilliamB, me too. And I don't even tackle things from my official to-do list. A few random examples: test the pens, sharpen the pencils, clean crumbs from the cutlery tray, purge photos and organize my online bookmarks - just little stuff that feels good and sets me up for success for the bigger stuff.
@MB in MN, oh man. I feel my must-do list growing with all these wonderful suggestions of productive procrastination!
@Kristen,
Truth: I have never dusted a baseboard. 🙂
@PD, I found that the refrigerator coils were particularly dusty and needed immediate cleaning when I had a big deadline.
@PD, I too find myself doing non-essential chores when I have something overwhelming or distasteful looming.
Thank you all for sharing this. It's great to know that I'm not the only person who accomplishes many tasks, while avoiding the ONE that I must get done.
I feel so much better. ?
--Sitting somewhere as silent as I can get. Sometimes that's outside. Sometimes that's in my car. Sometimes that's in my bed. When I'm in one of the villages, it's a church.
--Reading, especially re-reading favorite comfort books.
--Listening to music.
--Very occasionally, a bath.
I help others as a way to escape my brain and downward spirals. It makes me feel useful and boosts my energy.
A walk is nice, too, but sometimes thoughts get intrusive. It only helps if I can really focus on my surroundings. That also why meditation or quiet doesn't work for me. My brain cycles through too much without an outside stimulus.
Maybe this is numbing? Oh well, I'm trying.
Often, when I walk in the woods, my brain starts processing things. Sometimes that means a walk is not exactly relaxing, but I always feel like if something bubbles up while I walk, it's because it needed to be worked through and felt and processed. It feels like a meaningful experience that moves me forward.
I really would like to know the definition of coping and numbing mechanisms. Some of them lifted here in the comments actually could be both coping or numbing. Tried a quick Google search and it said coping mechanisms can be both good or bad, they can be adaptive or maladaptive. Interesting discussion.
@Lina, As I understand it, the core of the difference is whether the mechanism helps in the long run. Many numbing mechanisms make things worse in the long run.
@WilliamB, what I meant is that some activities could be both: walking in the forest can be therapeutical, but it could likewise be a form of "running away".
Oh yes, I agree with this; a lot is dependent on how you approach it and why you are doing the activity.
I also suppose it depends on the degree; putting yourself to bed on time can be very healthy, but you could potentially use sleep as an avoidance method as well if you are sleeping wild numbers of hours every day.
@Lina, I’ve had a hard time with those definitions, too. I often take a long nap during the day. A therapist brought up the idea that this might be avoidance in my case. The difference, in her opinion, was between self-care with getting enough sleep, and trying to avoid/numb/procrastinate.
@Lina, that makes a lot of sense.
I’ve been doing yoga with YouTube videos lately. It’s helping me regain my physical strength, but also my emotional strength. And it’s practically free assuming you already have internet access.
Sometimes medication is the answer, and not just a numbing strategy. SSRI has made a big difference for me, and it is very cheap/free with my insurance.
@Carla G, I agree. Sometimes we have to bring in the professionals!
@Carla G, Medication AND therapy can be an important combination. I don't think it has to be either/or.
Oh yes, I am not knocking medication; I know it can be very useful. 🙂
What I am saying is that something that completely numbs you is probably not useful long term. You wouldn't want to be so numb that you were almost comatose. And I know psychiatrists are always working to find the best balance, helping to regulate mental health without veering too far into numbing. 🙂
@Kristen, oh I didn't think you were! But as someone from a family that always tried to avoid medication, it took longer than it should have to come around to trying it. And it has been a game changer.
@Kristen, As a Nurse,I find it interesting that when they first came out SSRI’s were meant to be use for a period of 8 weeks to 12 weeks along with therapy.But somehow all that fell by the wayside! In fact, a good friend of mine had a rough marriage,soo many problems, she was at an impasse . Her depression kept her immobilized. Her Dr put her on Zoloft (way back when they first came out) and she did 6 sessions of CBT therapy.My friend told me the Zoloft “numbed” her, she called it her “don’t give a damn medicine” and it chilled her out enough to get to therapy and talk, and she came up with some plans to go back to school to-become a nail technician.She went OFF the medication after 12 weeks, went back to school and she and her husband went to some counseling too. I love that story: It was the best use of meds in addition to working things out for real!!
Walking is my favorite coping mechanism. I have a great friend that I've walked with for years. She's a gem. Walking and talking with her has helped me so much after my husband died.
I love free body work that I can do on myself....rubbing my acupuncture channels, shaking my limbs, using tuning forks on my fingers and toes, Emotion Code, rubbing my ears, tapping, stretching/yoga, doing the Big 6 Lymph drainage....these are all things that get me back into my body when things start going a little sideways in life.
@Renee, What’s the Big 6? Please share.
@Renee,
I tried dry brushing but sadly had to stop due to excema. My skin is just too tender. I think it must be very soothing.
@Renee,
....and what is Emotion Code? I have never heard of this before, and I'm curious.
@WilliamB, My functional medicine doctor recommended it to me. She shared this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlgqllPKQUA&t=176s
I find that when I do it I can feel my breath change (aka: my PNS activating). If I'm having a really stressful day, I'll also set an intention that I'm feeling my own body's boundaries and that helps me separate what's mine and what's my patients'. Hope that helps 🙂
@JNL, eek. eczema is not fun!! If you think it's allergy based, maybe see if you have a SAAT practitioner near you. A well-qualified one can really help turn down allergy driven eczema 🙂
I've actually never tried dry brushing. Hadn't even thought about it for adults! Great idea for those that can tolerate it! If you're interested in a substitute for rubbing the skin, you could google "jing well acupuncture points" and use a pen or open paper clip to gently press those points. The channels that dry brushing activates will also be activated by using the Jing Well acupuncture points. I hope that made sense!!! 🙂
@Liz B., It's my new favorite thing 🙂 My kiddo's functional medicine doctor suggested it, and I was sooooo skeptical. And, then, it made a big difference for her. Basically, it's a way to release emotions that get stuck in the body. You know how sometimes you feel angry, and then 4 weeks later you feel that same anger coming back about the exact same thing that you thought you'd dealt with already? Well, Emotion Code is a way to actually release the anger from the body so it's not stuck there causing issues. It doesn't get rid of the memories, but it makes it so that when the memory surfaces your nervous system doesn't go right back to that same emotional state. There's a book about it (I don't love how it's written, FWIW) and you can watch Dr. Bradley Nelson's videos about it on You Tube. I think this is a link to the playlist for Emotion Code on his You Tube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m74cWR1Az0I&list=PL-6qtBwf7OCy3LUQkAu8KVMCYIYqQdoTU
I hope that's helpful 🙂
For myself, beer or wine is not numbing. When I do drink, I do so mindfully and mostly with a friend or my book club. Lately I have relied on my own plan of self-care which is:
*sleep hygiene - following a schedule
*exercise, meditation, and creative endeavors
*therapy (which is offered as part of my medical benefits), journaling, and connecting with good friends or my children
*grace (which is me speaking to myself kindly) This could look like going to grab dinner out when I can't deal with cooking a meal. Letting myself lay on my couch for awhile. Choosing to let dishes sit in the sink overnight. Relaxing my To Do list on my days off.
I also find that helping others in small and meaningful ways always makes me feel a little better, too, and costs nothing. (:
@Gina from The Cannary Family, I agree, I do like a glass of wine with dinner, and it's a tiny form of rebellion against life's hardships and celebrating the fact that we can cook good meals and enjoy being together despite how day went or how the world is. So for me a glass of wine or thoughtfully made cocktail belongs in the coping strategy (and sometimes numb-first to cope-then strategy).
I have categorized my coping mechanisms in two or three categories, one is for calming my mind and body, one is for being social, and one is energizing:
Calming:
-Quiet, repetitive tasks where I can think while keeping my hands busy and making physical progress even if I can't find a way through other problems. These are activities like knitting, making puzzles, washing dishes, folding laundry.
-Sitting in the front yard watching the sunset or taking a calm walk.
-A good book or tv show that engages my mind but feels a little escapist at the same time.
Social:
-Reaching out to a friend via a quick text.
-Talking with somebody face-to-face or picking up the phone to have a meaningful conversation.
-Hosting a party or get together for "no reason" (see point about having a glass of wine or cocktail).
Energizing:
-Exercising at high level where my mind is wiped clean and my body is full of endorphins.
-Creating art.
-Going to see a live music show.
I have also started to go to therapy and want to journal more about my thoughts associated with it.
@Kristina M., I had to give up any wine while I was on Naproxen before my hip surgery last year. I also have some shoulder pains.
Well, After my recovery from surgery I decided to go back to a glass of wine with the gals.WOWZA, the increase in m y SHOULDER PAIN was immediate..the next morning, it hurt so much more. I did not correlate one glass of wine with the increase in pain,right away.
But, Tried it again, I don’t drink much at all, but that ONE GLASS of while wine with the gals..same thing, BIG increase of joint pain.
I researched and sure enough alcohol is inflammatory..I am watching all my diet for inflammatory foods and giving up that occasional glass of wine has been a part of my plan,Just not worth it!I am now a proud tee totaler.(Don’t need the calores either!)
@Madeline, I'm glad you found that out! Hope your pain stays away.
I'd add sitting in the backyard and looking for birds and butterflies.
The thing is, there are better and worse ways to help oneself cope with the things that derail us, but almost all of them can be ''bad''.
Sleeping too much, over-exercising, exercising compulsively, obsession with clean eating (etc) would be the flip side of getting plenty of good rest, exercising regularly, eating good quality nutritious food.
Everything in moderation... including moderation!
A glass or two of wine with a good friend is balm for the soul for me. Again, a bottle or two... would only make things so much worse... it's the proportion and context that is the thing.
Getting outside in daylight into fresh air, even for a walk around the block is a huge mood boost. Connection to others, even if one is naturally quite solitary, is good and so is helping others / a cause. It can be something as simple as grabbing a bag and a litter picker and cleaning up the verge near where you live or dropping off supplies to an animal shelter or something of that sort. One friend, going through a very hard time, signed up to be a cat socialiser at a very large animal charity, getting kitties to trust and enjoy playing with humans. Total win-win!
Ha, yes, I just said the same thing in a reply to someone else before I saw yours. The degree to which we engage in things can make a difference in whether they are helpful or not.
WHYYYYY is so much of life about balance??
I would add journaling, as putting down my thoughts about a situation helps me process it.
Focusing outside myself. This might be volunteering for an afternoon to help someone else. Walking dogs at a shelter or picking up trash on the side of the road, or visiting someone in a nursing home takes me out of myself for a while and lends perspective.
Weeding a flowerbed or otherwise working in the garden. It's physical exercise and when I'm done I can see what I've accomplished.
Knitting! Easy projects like a dish cloth or a scarf that just require repetitive stitches so I don't need to think. The click of the needles is soothing. And if anger is involved, those needles can click really fast as I calm myself down. 😉 Other creative pursuits also work for me like crocheting or sketching.
@Bobi,
Ha yes! The soft yarn, the gentle repetition of movement, and then warm socks, to wear or to gift 🙂
Going to be early.
Gratitude.
Scheduling fun things, like seeing friends even if I don't feel like doing fun things.
Feeding myself properly.
Asking for help.
I usually get out my head by going into nature. I love walking or swimming at the beach, similarly, exercise helps. Going for a run outside, lifting weights at the gym and doing yoga all put me in a better frame of mind.
Talking to others helps - if you can afford therapy it can really help having someone neutral to talk to - but also don't close yourself off to your loved ones. On the flip side, I think it's equally important to just be. I'd add productivity to numbing; it can be helpful to get things done but there's also only so many chores you can do to put off the emotions. Sit with yourself and let yourself rest and let the emotions surface.
Finally, eat well, but be kind to yourself and enjoy the occasional treat - especially after doing something hard!
I have been thinking about this same thing. First a little about my numbing mechanisms. They are food, Dr Pepper, and chocolate. Food and chocolate can also be self care but many times I have overused them and they are numbing mechanisms. I am having a health issue and although the wording has not been the same the message is. I am working to reducing my dependence on these, and cleaning up my diet.
My coping mechanisms are the beach ( ocean, lake and really any body of water.) I like to walk. Music is a big one. I would also like to get back to reading more. It was suggested that I use some of these good habits in place of the not so good ones. However I am not sure how to replace Dr. Pepper with music and get the same effect.
@Amy, Do you think it would help to listen to music when you drink the soda, to create the positive association?
@WilliamB, I have started buying the smaller cans, only drink one a day. But your point is a good one, part of the problem might be making it a bad thing and I should try to change it into a good one. Maybe plan the drinking instead of taking it away.
@Amy,
Dr Pepper and chocolate -- I hear you on those 2!!!
@Amy, Perhaps, the Beatles and SGT Pepper ?
I tend to let things get to me when I am truly stressed: see "Christmas, when your kids are still young and you are working full time and commuting to college at night and your husband has neuropathy over 90% of his body" for reference. Sometimes I would get almost frantic, so I had to start telling myself to 1. prioritize, 2. remember, do one thing at a time (forget multi-tasking!) and 3. No one can do everything. And I looked for coping mechanisms.
As is common for many, I think, nature helps me. Walking outside, sitting on my front porch, watching the birds at my feeder or working in my garden are all effective for me.
Tackling a project and finishing it. I get a lot of satisfaction of finally doing something I was needing to do, such as paint, clean out, make, organize or build.
I also feel better when with family or my dogs. They all love me :).
Writing it down.
And talking it over with someone (friend or family member) who understands. I want to add that I don't expect them to solve problems or shoulder my burdens. And I let that person express his or her own experiences and thoughts, too.
(The Stephen's Ministry at church sent four grief booklets over the first year after DH died that have been very helpful. Feeling numb is kind of involuntary at first: you have to get through the decisions and funeral and stuff. But coping becomes the order of the day after that, and it can look surprisingly different for different people.)
@JD,
I think the numbness one feels after a traumatic event like a spouse's death is God's way of protecting your heart and spirit. Some losses take a long time to process. You are so correct in saying loss and grief is different for everyone.
I really had to think about this. My life has certainly had its ups and downs. I've never really thought about how I have coped with the craziness of life , but here is my short list.
• I spend time outside... in my yard gardening and especially at the beach. Nature is calming. There are few things as revitalizing for me as a swim in ocean.
• I walk the dog.
• I box breathe. Breathe in for 4 seconds. Hold my breathe for 4. Expel the breathe for 4. Wait for 4 seconds before beginning again. It calms the nervous system and lessens the stress on the body.
• I develop an action plan.
• I try to confront things early and prioritize. I often do the thing that I am dreading most before I do anything else or when it immediately raises its ugly head. Procrastination eats away at peace of mind.
• I try to take care of myself the best that I can at the time - sleep, nutrition, regular doctor's visits, and exercise. Some of these have then ignored when things are especially busy or bad. However, I still do my best to maintain my physical health, because it makes it easier to maintain my mental health.
• Although I try to always be understanding, I remove myself from situations that don't impact me directly when the chaos and the drama gets to be too much.
• I hate to be cliche, but I don't sweat the small stuff. It has taken me years to figure out what is big and what is small.
@Bee, Because a rhyme often helps, I’ll tell myself, “do the worst, first.”
@PNW Casey, love that!
Here’s a weird thing: for me, the same mechanism can be numbing or coping, depending. For example, reading old favorites can help when what I need is to blunt the edge of something awful, but numbing if I do nothing but.
For me, it depends on whether the problem is acute or chronic.
ACUTE
1. Distracting myself to give my emotions and brain time to calm down is step one. Then I can think about the event more rationally and decide what I ~choose~ to do instead of what my pain is yelling at me to do.
2. See if I need to eat. Used to be I could go half a day without eating; if I do that now the low blood sugar affects my emotions and I’m more prone to getting pissed off.
3. Brushing my hair with a plastic-bristled brush. In effect it’s a mini scalp massage.
4. Rage chores, which overlaps somewhat with productive procrastination (see #4, below).
CHRONIC
This one is much harder.
1. Get moving.
This could mean exercise, or going outside, or stretching, or simply stop bed rotting.
2. Self care.
Boy does this get old! It’s like the world is telling me that feeling negatively is my fault because I’m not lifting twice a week, running four times a week, doing yoga, meditating, eating spinach and whole grains, etc., etc., etc. Even so, going outside for a brisk walk increases my resilience. Maintaining my social life is also critical.
3. Cuddling with the dog.
He’s not always cooperative but if it’s first thing in the morning, then oh my is it lovely. Often in the evenings he likes to curl up on the other side of the couch to be my footrest. If my friend is fostering kittens, then I might visit them.
4. Productive procrastination, aka Getting Stuff Done.
Usually the niggling little things around the house, be it loading the dishwasher or tidying a disorganized shelf or fixing a few small things that weren’t important enough to do before. Once I spent 3 hours cleaning the car and organizing everything in it. Making my physical environment better for me and/or dealing with an ugly, looming chore makes me feel better.
5. Nestle Lion Bars, a candy bar that’s hard to get in the US. I save them for special occasions so they remain a special treat.
6. Don’t do things that make it worse. I guess this covers much of numbing. That said, sometimes what you need is to let the pain sit a while before you start poking at it.
NOT ALWAYS CHEAP BUT VERY HELPFUL
For me, foot massages. My feet chronically ache so rubbing them helps. Doing it myself (thumbs, rolling my foot over a golf ball, pushing the sore bits with a blunt object) (pestles work surprisingly well) is better than nothing but half hour with a pro is like magic. I’ve been looking for a machine that does a good job, to suggest my family band together to gift me, but those are very rare.
I think that train is in Jim Thorpe 🙂
It is, it is!
I have certain pieces of media I turn to when I'm feeling down or hopeless.
Music:
Vincent by Don McLean
Alone Again (Naturally) by Gilbert O Sullivan (when I really want to wallow in it.)
If You Could Read My Mind - Gordon Lightfoot
Good Ole Boys Like Me - Don Williams
Same Old Lang Syne - Dan Fogelberg
Movies:
Whisper of the Heart
Other than that I listen to some sermons or podcasts.
@Battra92, Good Ole Boys Like Me is my youngest son's favorite song. Don Williams' voice is so soothing.
@Battra92, The Golden Guitar by Bill Anderson (very old country song) is a great song if you want to cry (and feel better doing it.) Works for me every time.
@Battra92,
I really like If You Could Read My Mind, but The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald remains my favorite by Lightfoot.
And I would add The Blue Train by Linda Ronstadt, Dolly Parton and Emmylou Harris is one I listen to when I'm down.
Cleaning. Mopping. Decluttering. Road trip. Bucket list check off. Thrift store shopping with cash. Night walks. Extended water fasting. T-Tapp, reading a novel about sad things. Sitting by fire. Camping.
My favorite music! In my case, the Beatles.
I hadn't thought of numbing vs coping before--thank you for this insight! I love your list. I would add doing a creative task--music (both listening to and creating your own--singing is free), art, crafts, et cetera. It temporarily puts your brain in a different place, and is a great way to process pain. Also, if you are up to it, finding a way to serve others. It takes the focus off of you and helps you feel both productive as well as grateful for the blessings that you do have. There is something about doing a physical task (inevitably, my brain is thinking through my concerns) that helps me reboot. Great topic!
I use a mindfulness app, that was recommended to me by a therapist, called Insight Timer. You can use a lot of the guided meditations for free, but I pay for an annual subscription mainly so I can download things to help me with my travel anxiety. It’s been the only thing, besides sedation type anxiety meds, that quiets my mind at night so I can get to sleep. I’m up to 251 consecutive days!
So many great ideas and insights. For me one of my coping mechanisms is letting go of non essential things. If I’m dealing with something really painful or challenging, I want to expect myself to do all of the regular things at the same level as when I’m not dealing with something. But that’s not realistic for me and I think being am aware and acknowledging that is helpful for me. If I pause something that is a healthy habit I want to continue in normal circumstances, I give myself a deadline (ex I’m going to take this week off from exercising or cooking dinner or processing violin and will resume next week (or month etc). If I do those things, great but I’m taking them off my plate and removing some pressure.
So many good suggestions. What works best for me: working in the herb garden (seasonal, though), walking, watching birds, music, chopping veggies for a pot of soup, or cleaning out a closet (love organizing and reevaluating, donating!). Writing down my blessings, drinking different kinds of tea.
Talk therapy can just be talking with a really good friend or two. They just listen, not advise, but talking it out can help you process the mess in your brain.
-Yoga and a warm shower
I suffer from acute PTSD stemming from an assault and shooting. It took me awhile to find my coping mechanisms that center me.
* meeting each day with yoga as the sun rises.
* barefoot walking in the back yard, down by the pond or in my herb garden.
* mint, be it tea, an altoid, lip balm or walking on Corsican mint
Like Kristin @ going country, I have audio books that comfort me. I have music both calming and rock out grunge from the late 80's.
Mostly I just walk in the hilly fields with many bovine friends and my dog. Oh that pup is the bestest medicine.
Journaling daily, personal reflections. Practicing gratitude.
My heart continues to break as an old friend lost her husband of 40 yrs last week. They were together from middle school on...incredible community people.
I have out of staters coming for a week in a few days, gotta make a grocery run and finalize the menus, snacks and treats.
I come from a long line of military (starting w/the revolutionary war...I'm 11th gen) happy birthday to all that serve or support our Marines, Seller Fi ~ 250 and still strong!
I was recently having a hard time mentally. Found that immersing myself in cool water really seemed to help to stop the train of anxious thoughts.
There is a definite gray zone between numbing and coping. Like I love to read, I think it is good for my brain, but I also sometimes use reading to avoid thinking about hard things.
@SK, The cold water thing is classic Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I think of it as “doing something to get out of your head”. Off the top of my head I remember application of cold (shower, opening the freezer, ice on wrists, ...), a burst of intense physical activity (burpees, pushups, sprinting…), and putting head lower than heart for blood circulation.
Exercise walking outdoors in my neighborhood, about 3 miles daily. At 65, that takes me an hour to complete. I listen to NPR on my iPod. I feel weird if I don’t get my daily walk in.
While I am highly organized in many things, discipline is not a strong suit in my personal life. The parent-daughter thing of alcohol addiction and/or smoking came down to me in the version of eating. And yet, because of my work schedule, I'll often go without eating for most of a day. In summer when herbs and veggies are the best, I chow down on them and feel better for it. A bowl of ice cream is often a reward for finishing an unpleasant task. I also cope by pulling weeds and thinking. Literally. And after my sister died and we experienced COVID, I started using a medication at my Doctor's suggestion and it has been very helpful. Attending church and praying and reading Scripture and being with likeminded friends is the best help.
I learned early on to compartmentalize some things, face some things head on, numb myself and work with the logistics of a situation and then personally grieve. I agree 100% that if we don't deal with grief it will deal with us.
Having quiet is a big one for me. Noise can be overstimulating for me in a big way. Normally, that's ok, but if I'm dealing with stress or going through difficult times, I NEED quiet time (and not white noise time or in the car alone with road noise...actual quiet). That was probably my biggest motivator on this last move. Our last house was newer, lay out was great, no maintenance, etc...all perfect except the noise level. There was CONSTANT noise. Road noise, neighborhood/neighbors kids, sirens, etc. For me, it was too much.
Putzing around the yard in any weather with quiet is like a soul reset for me. My blood pressure drops, and I just feel like I can cope again.
Praying. Always talking to God is first on my list. He soothes my heart and my mind. Talking things over with my closest family member. Knowing the love and support he offers me. My therapist. She is just so caring. More like a best friend. Being around my grandchildren. That unconditional love and laughter. Even though they have no idea what I'm going through.
My healthy low cost coping mechanisms:
I like to do paper crafts, ripping up paper nd pasting tidbits into journals and making cards soothes my mind and Spirit. I always have an art hournal open and ready to go on my studio desk and scraps I have cut from magazines.
NAPS. I love me a nice long afternoon nap.
A 30 minute ike rid eon my old beach cruiser,through my local neighborhoods,seeing birds, kids, trees, plants,flowers.alwayslifts my spirits.
PRAYER AND MEDITATION.I do both daily. I love saying the ROSARY and I believe my meditation and prayer practiceBUILDS a resilient Spirit to help me through during tough times.
COOKING. Sometimes When I am stressed I go into my kitchen, put on MUSIC (another cheap mechanism!) and make some chili or soup. My kitchen is my happy place. If I am VERY inspired I will make a PIE and that truly breaks any bad mood,right??
When I need to get out of my head and do some coping for the hubbub of life, I pickup a book and immerse myself in whatever the characters are doing in the story.
This is in conjunction with my fuzzy therapist that is curled up and purring in my lap.
And this is, pretty much, a daily occurrence in my life.
My list looks similar to many of the other posters:
-Being outside
-Reading
-Listening to music
-Talking with friends
-Getting lots of sleep (I'm in bed by 9 almost every evening)
-Eating well
-Working out: hiking (free), Orange theory (not cheap), yoga (I need help and coaching, so not that cheap)
-Spending time with my husband
-Organizing/decluttering
-Checking things off of my to do list
I have long used walking as a coping mechanism. I walk every day, but when I need to process feelings, a nice long walk helps me so much.
Bicycling--and while the stationary bike is great when it's really horrible weather outside, nothing beats a good bike ride outside in the sun (or clouds), in the fresh air. I've so far biked in warm drizzle, cold drizzle, 40 degree weather with wind, as well as blazing hot temps and I've never regretted getting out there. Not once.
Reading--and especially picking up an old favorite comfort read, like the Miss Read books or Agatha Christie or Joan Aiken's Arabel and Mortimer series. For some reason it must be an English author. I don't make the rules.
Making a cup of tea. Bonus points if you have Earl Grey or something fancy sounding like that.
Playing with a cat. I can guarantee that nobody in this house can be grumpy when they watch the Commodore chase after his toy snake. Just even watching the cat, especially if he's bird-watching, is soothing.
Deep breaths. Making music, or listening with no interruptions. A brisk walk outdoors, early to bed. “Homey spa”—leisurely bath or shower, lots of skin lotion, mani pedi, patient hair styling, clean and becoming clothes. Wearing jewelry that was my mother’s, or gifted to me from friends. Checking out of the day with a really good book (I am retired!). Preparing and sharing something really yummy to eat; a current family favorite is a chickpea curry with lots of onions. Needlework, sewing, knitting, or crochet projects. Painting watercolors.
My dearest friend made me a prayer shawl (she’s since passed away and I miss her every day) and when I’m anxious or super upset, I wrap myself in that shawl or take a nap under it. I feel the prayers, I feel her spirit, and it calms me down. I always feel so much better.
I also enjoy music, hand lotion, a massage, mother nature, or just sitting with a warm or cold beverage and letting go of negative thoughts. I also find journaling very helpful.
When I’m really upset, I clean! At least something productive happens.
Praying, walking, spending time with my dog, hug from my husband or adult kids. Talking with women from my bible study group. Spending time in my garden. Talking with my best friend
I won't duplicate what others have written, but I have many of the same coping habits. One that hasn't been mentioned too much is a nice warm bath. I prefer mine with lavender-scented epsom salt which is really relaxing. I usually read and sometimes eat chocolate.
My coping strategies are similar to others. They include:
Listening to soothing music. I often listen to the music channels included in my cable subscription.
Singing--these days that is mostly at church, but I have enjoyed singing in choirs at various points in my life when I had the opportunity
Acts of service to others
Reading, especially something very different from my own life
Allowing myself to take breaks and just "be". My personality is to tackle things and just "work harder", but this is not always healthy. I am learning to rest.
Cooking or baking something
It's not free (unfortunately) but it *is* pretty cheap and pays for itself with the peace and relaxation that it gives me - lavendar-scented bubble baths and lavendar-scented pillow sprays. I've also got an air purifier that lets me put lavendar essential oil in it then it spreads it throughtout my living room and house.
I've also got a (free) blog that I use to vent in and organise myself which helps too.
Such an excellent train of thought. There is NO WAY OUT BUT THROUGH so you need to be well prepared to go through it right? Your list is wonderful.
I'll add:
Listening to music
MOVING - and sometimes depending on weather and time I can't do something like go for a satisfying nature walk [I live in a very urban suburban area] - I have a specific playlist I put on when the world is too much on me - it music that I can NOT stay still for - so I put it in and dance my way through whatever I'm doing and it helps me feel better! [if anyone wants it shout! but your own will be better LOL]
Creative pursuits: for me it's usually painting or drawing - I choose colors based on how I feel and just make a free range stream of consciousness mess. But whatever you like to do!
Self care: what does it look like to you? For me it might be tidying my closet and choosing outfits for the next few days to make mornings flow more easily, doing my nails, going through my calendar and preparing as best I can for it including menu planning.
Baking pretty much anything is meditative for me [cooking not so much though I do that too - but baking is different]
Volunteering - finding ways to help always makes me feel more enmeshed in the community and grounded
I love walks, alone or with a friend,
silence, the comfortable one,
or hearing loud music while working out or cleaning the house.
The house cleaning can be a good outlet: clean, tidy house + negative energy gone.
Selfhelp groups can not replace therapists, but if you find the right one, that might help too.
Hobbies: join a selfrepair group where people fix things for free or little money.
Give free walks/care/cuddles to shelter animals if you are not in the situation to adopt one for youself. (I think pets are a great source of comfort, peace, or even the only reason you might want to get up sometimes.)
Very rewarding.
I take some time in the garden, even just a brief wander does wonders. If it’s been a really hard day I’ll put the baby on a blanket in the grass and pull up some weeds to get my hands in the soil. The stress just drains out.
Sewing let's my mind solve entirely different challenges AND when I have tune into reality it helps look at life challenges in a new way. "different grooves in my brain" ??