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“The fun is built into the struggle.”

As I was walking (in the woods of course) and listening to a How to Money podcast the other day (at least I THINK that’s what podcast it was!), one of the hosts was talking about how when he was a kid, a friend got an unlimited lives cheat code to Super Mario.

Morning light shining through trees in the woods.

At first, they thought this was going to be super awesome, but as it turned out, having unlimited lives actually made the game less fun. The challenge was gone!

The podcaster said, “The fun is built into the struggle.”…or in other words, the struggle is part of what makes this fun.

Maybe “challenge” is a better word than “struggle”, but either way, I think this idea does hold true.

As I pondered this concept, I thought about how no one likes having financial difficulties, and then I tried to imagine what it would be like to have none.

The first thing that came to me was the aristocrats of old; people with so much money that they didn’t need to work or cook or do their hair or dress themselves or clean/maintain anything.

I’m not a historian, but I know I have read many books that mention the boredom and lack of purpose that comes with this type of lifestyle.

Obviously, too much struggle isn’t good for a person (I think of the impoverished working-class people that were contemporaries of the aristocrats!), but I do think that a certain amount of struggle/challenge might be good for human beings.

Well-handled struggles = satisfaction

I have faced a lot of challenges in the last year.

wedding rings.

And while I certainly would not have nominated this path for an “Ideal Route for Kristen’s Life” award (!!), I do find a certain amount of satisfaction in how I have navigated the struggles, financial and otherwise.

When I move through my day in my house, using my second-hand furniture, my abandoned house treasures, my Buy Nothing group finds, and my Facebook Marketplace finds, it just feels so gratifying.

Would it have been easier if I was able to just go out and buy all brand-new stuff? Sure.

But I think the struggle (outfitting my house on a budget) is precisely what makes it so satisfying.

bowls on a shelf.

And I see how this is true in other areas of life.

For instance, some of the classes I’ve taken in college have been pretty hard. But the difficulty is exactly what makes a final A grade so fulfilling. 

Kristen wearing a backpack, standing in her living room.

Difficult piano pieces take a long time to learn and master, but when I can finally play a hard piece well, that’s way more satisfying than playing a simple piece well.

Brahms sheet music.

If I can play a piece almost flawlessly my first time through, I usually am not going to come back to that piece. It’s boring if it’s too easy!

But a challenging piece will keep me coming back to work on it, for the hard-fought reward of playing it smoothly.

Ok, so what?

This “struggles are good” realization doesn’t do much for me practically speaking; I am not about to go out to find ways to add more struggles to my life!

BUT.

Whether I like it or not, life is going to hand me struggles.

And if I can recognize that the struggles do add a certain amount of satisfaction and fulfillment to my life, then that can change my attitude about the struggles.

Plus, as I mentioned earlier, it helps my attitude if I do a word switch, swapping “challenge” for “struggle”.

Challenge feels a little more hopeful to me!

Being a single mom is a struggle. OR I could say that being a single mom is challenging.

Navigating a divorce is a struggle. OR navigating a divorce is challenging.

wedding rings in Kristen's hand.

Recovering from a hard marriage is a struggle.

OR it’s a challenge.

Starting over in mid-life is a struggle.

OR it’s challenging.

Nursing school is gonna be a struggle.

OR it’s gonna be challenging.

Living on a single income is gonna be a struggle.

OR it’s going to be a rewarding challenge!

So I’m trying to remind myself: navigating these circumstances is going to be very fulfilling; I’m gonna feel such a sense of satisfaction on the other side.

And in a weird way, these challenges are going to make my life richer.

(Now I just need to remember all this on the very hard days!)

What do you think? I’d love to hear!

P.S. If you’ve read all my other posts, you already know this. But in case you’re new: I also think that it is just fine to sit with feelings of sadness, grief, and anger when you are in tough circumstances. Sometimes you need to sit on the floor and sob, and sometimes you need to reframe struggles as challenges. Both are valid and necessary!

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Tess

Sunday 16th of April 2023

Hi, Kristen! This is a complete non sequitur, but I would love to know about your favorite podcasts whether they touch on frugality or not. Thank you! Also, I am in awe of your ability to keep on keeping on during an incredibly stressful time. Such a gift to be able to turn struggles into challenges that can be met! I accept the point that one of your readers made about how some struggles can't be overcome by reframing, but emotional pain is important to acknowledge even when you have a roof over your head, food on the table, and clothes on your back. You are doing a super job under less than emotionally desirable circumstances.

Gary L

Saturday 15th of April 2023

100% agree! Love the insertion of challenge. Well said.

Sue Murphy

Thursday 13th of April 2023

Well said. It can be slog or an adventure.

Sherrie Nicholson

Thursday 13th of April 2023

What a great post! You are 100% accurate! I think this is true for everyone, even if people don't recognize this at the time they are struggling. Thanks for the reminder.

BethC.

Thursday 13th of April 2023

This article might be helpful to work through divorce struggles https://www.verywellhealth.com/divorce-grief-5208157

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