Thankful Thursday | My goodness, you guys!
Hello, everyone.
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for your many kind comments, emails, and private messages. I don't know if I have ever felt so loved in a single day in my life before.
I burst into tears several times yesterday because the love from you all was so touching. Thank you for caring, thank you for understanding, thank you for wanting to help me.
I feel very rich in people; what a serious mercy it is to have so very many people on my support team! I don't know quite how to express this in words, but the feeling is kind of the emotional equivalent of being wrapped in a soft blanket.
I cannot thank you all enough.
Now, for some official thankfulness. This week, I am thankful:
that my parents are here for me
What a serious mercy to have parents who are willing and ready to help me when I am in distress.
Also, my brothers and their wives have been so kind to us.
that my parents have room for us
Thank goodness they have not downsized from my childhood home yet!
that I did not ever move far away
We had considered moving to another state at times, and I am so, so grateful we did not. I would be in much worse shape right now if I did not have a bunch of family so near.
for my blog
I keep thinking, "God bless 2008 Kristen!" I had no idea that I would ever need my blog's income like this, and I didn't even start my blog with the intention of making money.
But I am so grateful that it has worked out this way. It is such a mercy to have a job that is so flexible and can be done from anywhere that has internet.
Also, if need be, this is a job that can support me while I go through nursing school.
Money has given me choices, and I am thankful.
that I can still go to nursing school
I had made plans to go to nursing school long before the marriage troubles bubbled over, and I had started an investment account to save up for it, using some of my blog income.
So, by the time I finish my prerequisites, I should have enough money to pay for my two-year degree (which I plan to start in fall 2023).
for the kind things my girls say to me
I know I mentioned this in the comments yesterday, but I have felt terrible about my children's home life being so up in the air right now.
However, the girls have said things like, "Mom, wherever you are is where home will be to me." and, "I would never want anyone else in the world to be my mom." and, "Mom, you are a queen."
And those kinds of things mean the world to me; to know that my efforts to love them have not been for naught, and to know that they feel safe with me.
that my girls are fiercely supportive of me going to school
It is so nice to have my own little cheering squad.
for people who have walked this road before
I am in a support group for women in my shoes, and I also have some friends who are in a similar place in life.
There is nothing so helpful as talking to people who really, really get it. I need to explain so little; they immediately understand, and it is a wonderful sanity check.
It helps me realize, no, I am not crazy, and yes, this is super hard.
for my faith
I know sometimes when people experience a string of hard things, their faith in God wavers, or they feel angry at God. But mercifully, I do not feel angry at God.
I mean, I have plenty of angry days, but my anger is not directed at God. I trust that he has good plans for me, and that he will help me through the hard things that are caused by other people's choices.
that my circumstances do not have to dictate my attitude
I have plenty of not-pleasant feelings right now...it's kind of a roller coaster ride! But overall, I trust that my future will be ok.
I know I can make the best of whatever is coming down the pike because I am resourceful and I know how to hunt for joy and how to be content.
(Finding small joys is my superpower!)
Wow you are truly inspirational! I know that you always seem so cheery and upbeat that I have wished I could have a personality transplant at times reading your blog! Just wanted to say that a wrecking ball has been taken to your life and so any anger and frustration which are alien to your normally sunny- self will be part of the grieving process. This season will pass just as you wish for sunshine in Winter and cooler weather in the heat. I am glad that you feel upheld by this outpouring of love and support. Sending my heartfelt thoughts and wishes to you, your children, your parents and relations as you all steer a course through troubled waters. I am remembering my teacher used to say "I know not what the future holds ; but I know He who holds the future."
That's what I figure; that the more unpleasant emotions I am having right now are probably all just a normal part of traveling this path. I will not always cry this much. I will not always be angry this much. I trust that the clouds will slowly clear!
I’m also thankful you started to blog. I can’t remember the blog about food waste name but you made a comment about tracking yours. I followed you and even though we have very little in common and I rarely comment I still read. I feel this is a nice friendly safe place that has really good information to share. Thank You.
One other thing I’m thankful for today is that I’ve been going through some hard stressful times. But when I break up all that needs doing and get the big ones(which tend to get put off) done, it’s such a relief and load off my mind. I never seem to realize what a weight those hard task are at the back of my mind.
Just limiting myself to the thought that I end my day with at present: how grateful I am for a warm dry clean bed in a safe house with my loved ones.
And wishing the same to everyone around the world.
Kristen: for you I also am grateful that your bed is in your parents' home and that you did not move states.
@J NL, that has been my thoughts exactly these past weeks when I fall asleep. I list all things I have and that the Ukrainian women fleeing from war so not and boy does my warm bed in a safe home feel luxurious suddenly.
This is so true. It is hard for me right now to not have my own home, BUT I am in a safe and warm place that many Ukrainians would love to be. A good reminder to appreciate what I have!
I'm thankful our dear Kristen has all of the above.
I'm thankful for my own dear friends, family and children. And our dumb family memes and catchphrases.
I'm thankful for having finally dealt with some stupid tasks I've been putting off for ages, that were no big deal yet somehow I just didn't do them. Feels good.
Also thankful I too have a job I can do from anywhere with an internet connection. No matter how physically crummy I feel, I don't have to go anywhere, commute or anything other than write.
One more thing: anyone else feeling the urge to drive to Kristen's, get the cat, and keep it safe?
@Rose, yep.
@Rose, I must admit that I have been wondering if the cat is feeling lonely without Kristen and the girls.
@Rose, Yes!
Oh my gosh, yes! Yesterday, while reading the blog post, I started thinking, "but where is Bob?" both for the sake of Bob and because cat purrs make everything a little bit more better.
Just for everyone worrying: the cat is safe. Is she lonely? Yes. But she is being taken care of. And once I find a place to rent and she can live with Zoe again, she will never be lonely. 🙂 Zoe is our cat's biggest fan!
@Kristen, I am so glad your cat is safe. So glad you have a place with your folks.
My heart is aching for you. Please know that you and your dear kids will be lifted up in prayer by me, every day. Lots of hugs to you.
Your blog also provides evidence should you ever need it, so that is another mercy.
Today I am thankful for the resourcefulness of the human spirit. I am also thankful for the small things, like socks and toothpaste.
I hope everyone has a peaceful day today.
I am thankful for:
Kristen and this community. It's a special "place".
Modern plumbing. It's wonderful to be able to shower, use toilets, wash hands, use washing machines and dishwashers. It's been a constant in my life but I still appreciate it.
Other modern conveniences: HVAC, electricity, the internet, vehicles, kitchen appliances.
The abundance of food in the US. It's safe, readily available, and not that expensive (when you think about all the labor, materials, and transportation involved). I know inflation is a problem for so many but I marvel that a banana is about $.20 and yet it traveled thousands of miles and went through many levels of handling. There is so much information available these days on how to save money on food (recipe ideas, sales, etc.).
Relative good health. I am in my mid 60s and yet I take no prescription drugs, have never had a major medical issue, and do have access to good medical care should I require it.
Yes we need to start a go fund me page for you. I don't know how to set that up. If someone can do that, please post the link so I can contribute. Thank you. And Kristen we all just love you. You are a wonderful soul.
I'd also be very interested in contributing to a GoFundMe account for Kristen and the girls. She has provided so much joy, love, and advise to all of us over the years......it would be wonderful to return some of the love right back to her. Not having to worry about the money part of this could possibly help ease the situation just a bit.
@Michelle, For now, I think it would be great if we all used her affiliate links whenever we buy from Amazon. That'll help some.
@Luann, what a GREAT IDEA!!! I'd contribute, for sure!!!!!!
My daughter just began nursing school at age 29. She is going to a technical college first, then plans to earn her BSN. She received a scholarship that covered her first two semesters and part of her third semester. I’m praying for the same for you (among other things).
I was thinking yesterday, when I wished I had better words for you than "I'm sorry," that it's good your girls are old enough to understand the situation. That doesn't make it less hard for any of you, but it does mean that you don't have the additional burden of trying to protect and explain to young children what's going on and/or edit the reasons why. It's wonderful that you can share in each other's strength and support.
So sorry! My sis is in the same situation only her husband was the one who moved out. I was wondering why you didn’t stay in the house but I figure you have your reasons. BIL still comes to the house several times a week. My other sister and I don’t understand that- their sons are pretty much grown with youngest a HS senior- but BIL sits at the computer and pays the bills. Sis charges food and miscellaneous and is clueless about all he has in retirement. She makes a good income but it all goes into their joint account. I just keep my mouth shut now- obviously neither want a divorce. Good luck.
Yes, I wondered the same thing. I'm fairly certain the court system would grant you residence in the home as you still have minor children living there. He is required to help you provide a home for them. And that means furnishings and all.
You mentioned therapy and pastoral counseling, but have you looked into the legal aspects of all of this ? It would be well worth the price of a consultation to ask some questions as far a finance and housing/provisions for your girls.
@Luann, I second your advice about legal consultation. It made a huge difference to me in my situation, and it may make a huge difference to Kristen in hers.
Agreed, plus, if the judge read past blog posts, he/she could see the way Kristen made a wonderful home for her family, giving, giving, never thinking of herself.
Grateful for our local free parks. We have tons of fun ones near us as well as an awesome nature center and trails.
Grateful for snuggles with my 3 year old. He will just sit in my lap and snuggle for a whole Disney movie and it is so absolutely heavenly.
Grateful that my job has slowed down some. December and January were so crazy busy it was quite miserable every time I was there and it has been so much calmer lately.
Grateful for the gym. It is so nice to be able to go and work out and my son to play with other kiddos for an hour. It really makes such a difference in your life to get an hour a day to move and not be responsible for anything.
Grateful for hot black coffee. It is such a wonderful comforting experience to sit on the couch and have a cup every morning.
I am always impressed by people who drink black coffee. I always, always have sugar and cream in mine. I am a wuss. 😉
I want to be all macho and kickbutt and drink black coffee. But I just like it better with milk.
WELCOME TO WUSS PATROL, OFFICER ROSE COMMANDING.
@Kristen, I was getting myself down to about 1-2 tbs of sweetened creamer in my daily coffee. I really wanted to be able to drink it black, so I went cold turkey on the creamer, and now it's my preferred way. I'll still drink a sweetened latte occasionally, but it only took about a week or so to get my taste buds acclimated to black coffee. And yes, I feel like a badass when I say I want my coffee black. 🙂
@Rose,
Joining the Wuss Patrol.....I have to have a sweetener of some kind, plus milk/cream/half and half (whichever is available), in my coffee. Ha ha!
I didn't see yesterday's post until today, but I also want to send you my love in these hard times. I also want to say that you are providing a powerful example to your daughters that you can make these difficult decisions to do what is right and safe for you and for them.
I am thankful for all you have shared with us, both recently and over time.
You are truly blessed to have your parents as a support. I am not close with my parents (semi-estranged from...is it possible to be semi-estranged?) and it is a terrible regret and pain in my life.
I am glad you can see some sunshine in this hard time and that you recognize the strengths you have to rely on. That does lead to a more hopeful outlook.
My husband is going through cancer treatment. His prognosis is good, and I am anxious on many fronts. I am thankful for family who has rallied around in support and a flexible boss. I am also very thankful for medical professionals who have been innovative, kind and direct.
In the midst of that, I have a hs senior trying to make a college choice. I am thankful she has many options. She must be gluten free, so we’ve been visiting to see if she can really be accommodated both on and off campus. We’ve found varying levels of support, so the many options have been critical. I am thankful we have the means to be traveling and that she doesn’t have to pick the cheapest option which doesn’t fit well. I am also thankful that some colleges really try very hard to make on campus dining safe for students like her.
@Susan, best of luck to you and your husband ... and know that luck is only one part of it. My aged, infirm mother was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic pancreatic cancer. The 1 year survival rate for otherwise healthy persons is 15%. My mother is not otherwise healthy, including 3 prior primary cancers. Perhaps because of my father's hard work and skill, she got amazing and inventive care and her prognosis is now toward 15 months.
@Susan, keeping you & your family in my prayers. My mom had breast cancer when I was in middle school…hard to do the ‘normal’ kid things when you’re worried about your parents.
@WilliamB,
I'm glad to see/read that your mother got treatments that have extended her life expectancy. I have a friend with stage 4 breast cancer who is going through her umpteenth round of chemo (with a new-to-her chemo regimen)......she has been dealing with this for a long time. Cancer treatment has changed and improved by leaps and bounds. Sending you and your family thoughts of peace.
@WilliamB, thank you. Sending positive energy to your family as well. Cancer sucks.
@Kt, thank you for your kindness.
@WilliamB, What a blessing. i hope she gets much more than 15 months.
I agree with KD on the indoor plumbing. Sometimes I feel we are moving forward too quickly and I want to go back in time but I am not sure how far back. I guess I would adjust.
I like internet because we can find things relatively easily; but then if I had not had it, I would not know how easily. I guess. There is too much TV. I don't watch much but commercials indicate what I don't want to watch.
I am able to walk and enjoy the outside. This past week our walk took us to the edge of Cape Cod (before the bridge). It was beautiful, our longest walk in time spent and we would have stayed longer but I had 2 meetings.
I am thankful for my walking partners. Some were women I knew but were not associated with. We have become friends and become involved in other areas with each other in the community.
It is amazing how far some food travels and we are able to have such a variety all year round, not just seasonally local foods. I have been eating blueberries and strawberries all winter.
I do agree having family nearby is so important. We have become such a transient society. If you don't make very, very close friends when you live a distance from family, it can be difficult.
I am thankful that I have some ability to offer others--at work, even though I do get paid; in the community.
This week especially I'm thankful for this community. 🙂
I'm thankful that there may be a new work opportunity for my husband that may mean (good) changes for us coming soon.
I'm so thankful for a couple of close friends that have checked on me every week over the last few years when my life was in constant upheaval.
I'm thankful that we've been able to watch our church services online, even before the pandemic. We haven't been in the same town as our church since 2018 but we're still connected.
I'm thankful for Spring and Easter and the hope of new beginnings.
Right now, I am thankful - for you and your blog! This summer, I am facing retirement on a substantially reduced income, and am worried about paying rent, utilities and food. But in the midst of your pain, you write, "that my circumstances do not have to dictate my attitude" - so very true! You are a very special, person! Stay the course, Kristen, and you will blossom!
First, I'm thankful to Kristen not only for the tremendous bravery and honesty she showed us yesterday (and shows us and the world every day), but for some indirect help to me. I won't go into the details, but I'd been stuck in a rut of mild depression and self-pity for about a week until yesterday morning. Writing my note to Kristen helped me bust the rust off my empathy valves, so to speak, and I was then able to reach out to some folks IRL who need a reach-out right now. As a result, I feel much better myself.
I'm also deeply thankful that although DH has recently taken a couple of spills at the nursing home, he hasn't been hurt either time--and the staff have been meticulous about checking him over and keeping me informed.
Finally, I'm thankful to the neighbors next door to the Bestest Neighbors, who have hired one of those "we shred 'em" trucks to come to their house this afternoon, and have invited the BNs and me to participate. A great opportunity to declutter some outdated financial paperwork and other shreddables.
Let me just echo what so many have said already. I am thankful for you Kristen. For your blog that is a reflection of you- goodness, kindness, maturity and optimism.
Other stuff:
1. Spring is coming!!
2. My health
3. My supportive family
4. My job-a high stress, but truly rewarding job with an amazing group of co-workers
The extraordinary amount of response to your announcement yesterday reminded me of all the support my sister got when her husband died last year. You reap what you sow in terms of those relationships that will bolster you when times are hard. You have sown so many seeds of support over the years you've poured yourself into this blog that you are now receiving tenfold.
Anyway. Thankfuls.
--For a day yesterday to be sick without having to care for my kids. First time since I had a baby 12 years ago that I've had all four kids in school when I was at home (I work at the school on those days). I mean, it wasn't fun being sick, but it was really nice to just be able to sit in my chair without doing the Sick Mom shuffle of taking care of kids in slow motion while blowing my nose.
--For the wet snow we got last night. We needed the moisture badly so the pastures (and my seeds!) will start greening up.
--For the enthusiasm my eldest son is showing for track. Football this year was . . . challenging for him. He likes the track coach much better, and all the kids are nice. A much lower-pressure environment. (And I like that I don't worry about concusssions every time he runs track. Football is hard on mothers. 🙂
--That the power outage happened last night right at bedtime, so we just had to get kids in pajamas and teeth brushed using solar lanterns, and then go to sleep. I always hate it when we lose power during dinner or something.
--For the guys who go out in snowstorms to repair power lines. Heros, all of them.
@kristin @ going country,
Feel better! I hated having to do that Sick Mom routine, too. You wrote a good description of it.
Oof, I can imagine the worry associated with football! I would be just as relieved as you are.
Well doggonit, I'm just reading this today and now I'm tearing up! Ugh. Speechless here, sending you a big virtual hug.
It is good that you do have family and friends. In a way I envy how you have such a robust support group. It sounds like a true blessing to have!
Things I'm thankful for:
That yesterday (Wednesday) I got to take my daughter out on some errands and then to get pizza together. We don't often get quality father daughter time so it was nice to have a day when she wasn't out to start a fight.
That I didn't catch whatever my wife has (not Covid or Flu or anything like that but enough to make her uncomfortable)
Good art supplies. I got back into drawing after maybe 15 years of not doing anything with it. I feel like a total amateur again and it's almost relearning from scratch. I will say I'm enjoying it and it's cheaper than my therapy.
@Battra92,
Art is life giving and healing. I’m a retired LCSW who’s worked with individuals dealing with and healing from the effects of trauma, substance abuse, mental health and life difficulties. I’m not an art therapist or an artist, but I might consider myself a maker. I did disaster mental health, EAP work, private practice, community mental health jobs, and supervised and supported other clinicians in their work. I’ve experienced personal trauma, secondary trauma, workplace trauma. All these difficulties can be processed in therapy and one can learn in good therapy so many different ways to heal, grow, think.
But…
Art does something different. It creates. It allows us to feel, to feel without needing the right words to explain it. It touches our soul, the core of who we are far beyond our mind and ego and letting ourselves dive in to creative endeavors without self censure is liberating, healing, satisfying, good. It is visceral. Healing needs to reach the body, and art is physical-you can’t just think it, you have to make it. My art isn’t that good yet, but it is getting better. I love color, shapes, symbols. I do the art and ask myself, “Does this feel good? Am I having fun making this kind of art?” If yes, I’ll make more. If not, try it a different way. I let my body be the guide.
I’m making prints, trying to overcome my childhood programming-“Don’t waste paper! Don’t waste paint!” I have to tell myself that I’m Using It and not Wasting It. I am learning by doing. That’s the way that works for me.
Battra92, you are a good person with a gentle soul who feels things deeply. That’s not an easy road to travel. May all your art bring you joy and may you boldly draw your way into any feelings you desire and release those that do not serve you.
@Julie P., Well that was a delightful response; thank you.
What I find interesting is that my art/drawing/sketching/cartooning/whatever is like really different than what's inside me. There are times I feel really down and lonely and crazy inside and I end up drawing a cute girl or a cow or something like that.
@Battra92,
I love that you have started drawing again. Art of any kind is such a great outlet.....a creative outlet, but also for relieving stress. I'm not as eloquent as Julie P., but I find photography - especially bird and wildlife photography, my art form of choice - to be very relaxing. I also enjoy learning new things related to this hobby.
It is interesting how we perceive information. When you told your story yesterday I was so relieved your parents are there and you felt you could go to them for a safe space for awhile. And then they can help by co-signing for an apartment. These are hugh things.
If family and friends are in our corner however we need them that is something to be thankful for. I guess I am seeing this from your parents angle because I identify with them.
Also the fact you have your girls support is also hugh. I hope my children know no matter what I have their backs and hopefully they would support me.
Yes. I think you never outgrow needing your parents! Or at least wanting them.
@Kristen, Isn't that the truth? I think about this too - if anything were to happen, I know I could go to them. In your shoes, I would do the same thing, go "home." How fortunate we are to have this. And how fortunate your kids are to have this in you. I was so touched by what you wrote about what your daughters said to you. It's wonderful that they feel this way, that they can express it and that YOU have earned that by being there for them in so many ways. None of us are perfect parents but if you ever need some reassurance that you're doing ok, man - look to them!
As always, thankful to you for having built this amazing community of readers, Kristen!
This week, I'm thankful for:
1) A meal delivery service. While not frugal, it was such a glorious break from the mental monotony of meal planning. Particularly because we have a lot going on around the table that needs to be accommodated, and that limits us to like..six meals. I jest, but it's not too many recipes, and it can be super frustrating week in & week out.
2) That both of my kids are working in very flexible jobs (soccer reffing), which gives them a little spending money, but more importantly...responsibility. We are financially much more well off than our parents were growing up, and want to ensure we're raising our kids with a good work ethic & understanding how to budget, spend, & prioritize. This feels like a really great step for their development.
3) For indoor workout equipment at home, that I can use as needed for a workout
4) For the tech that brings me pretty much unlimited eBooks. I'm an avid reader, and this is a life game changer for me.
5) Fuzzy socks, blankets, & slippers to take the chill off cool mornings.
It is indeed a mercy that you remained near your parents! I'm glad you can find things to be thankful for in difficult circumstances.
1. First, I am so thankful for the warmth and compassion of this blog and group. I've been helped myself many times here.
2. I am grateful that although I spent most of yesterday waiting in ER with my husband, he turned out to be basically okay. His neck pain was not from his new fall - I suspect it is the nerve pain we already knew about - he had no new breaks and his repaired break was unharmed. His treatment for his current UTI was finally started on Monday, so that issue should clear up soon. I'm thankful the ALF staff was cautious and sent him to be checked out.
3. I'm thankful that his pain meds for the neck pain are ready for me to pick up and take to his ALF before he runs out. He could use surgery on the nerve pain, but he's a poor candidate for surgery at this time.
4. I'm thankful that I made it safely through the wild winds starting through here as I drove to work today. I have to drive another two-plus hours for a doctor appointment at UF Health this afternoon, and I hope I can be thankful for a safe trip tonight!
5. I'm thankful for a boss who texts me early in the morning to tell me I can wait awhile to come in or just stay home if the weather makes me feel unsafe. Since Duke Energy is currently texting to tell me the power is out at my house, I'm glad I came on to work. I have light, water and a way to store and heat lunch here at work.
I'm glad your husband is in good hands. And I hope that your power is on when you get home! I am unreasonably unsettled when I lose power.
I am going to focus on you today with one thing in mind. I feel that as mothers, part of our role is to teach our daughters how to be wives and mothers themselves. You are teaching them to fight for something when it can help and step back when it can't. You're showing them that its not ok to stay in an unhealthy situation and we both know women who were lambasted for putting themselves and their children first.
@Jennifer,
YES! So much yes.
Thankful for rain to clean the air and wash away some of the massive amounts of pollen in our area.
Thankful for Springtime. Pollen is high but my oh my I love Spring. Flowers & trees blooming. New signs of growth everywhere. Planting a garden. Freshness.
Thankful for new mercies every morning. Life is not perfect, none of us are perfect. so grateful we get to start a new every morning.
Thankful for the green thumb that my Mom passed along to me as I was growing up. It is serving me well as we plan a vegetable garden and hopefully a flower garden too.
Thankful for hobbies that I enjoy so much like cooking, baking and gardening. These things recharge my batteries and bless my family at the same time. What a blessing.
Thankful for you Kristen. Praying for you afresh this morning...what a blessing to be able to do so.
I am so thankful for this group. Just reading the comments on a normal day is always uplifting, and especially this week! Seeing everyone, people from all across the country (and world, really) who don't know each other support Kristen is an amazing thing!
I am grateful this week for my meditation that is guiding me in so many ways and towards new goals.
I'm grateful for sunny days and the opportunity to get outside and enjoy them.
For good health and the "greening up" of everything in the yard right now.
For our kitties (I hope your kitty is ok, Kristen!) and for our warm and cozy home.
Have a great end-of-the-week everyone.
I am also grateful for your superpower of finding small joys. It is my superpower too, and visiting your blog helps me keep it strong by keeping it front of mind just how useful of a skill it is. Thanks for continuing to blog through the hard times. <3
I don't think I've ever commented on the blog before but I have on Instagram and have been a loyal reader for a few years. Figured now was a good time to start commenting here!
I am so glad you feel so loved right now. You deserve it! Your kindness and thoughtfulness over the years has helped me take a softer perspective on separation after going through my parents' divorce as a small child. It was really painful for me and I've been a bit judgmental ever since but reading your post yesterday and "knowing" your character after reading for a few years has really softened my heart in a way that was needed. And for that I am truly thankful to be a reader of your blog! I'm so sorry it came at such a cost for you, but I am grateful nonetheless. Please forgive me if this comment isn't helpful for you right now. Sending all my love and prayers to you and your girls.
Oh, that is actually very helpful to hear! I'm glad my story has served you.
I was telling my support group the other night that, long ago, I think I used to jump right to judgment when I hear of a wife leaving her husband. But now that I have lived through some things myself, I no longer jump to that judgment. I now know that sometimes, the leaving is the only sane option, and it is sometimes very justified.
I am so thankful for the sharing and supportive space Kristen provides here. I love hanging out with frugal friends: this is my tribe!
Also thankful that spring is finally showing its green and shining face, that work remains calm, that I'm not yet sick of my own cooking (a crucial component of packing lunch every day), and that a crisp $10 bill for completing a Nielsen survey arrived in the mail the same day I had to pay an $11 parking ticket.
No you're not crazy and yes this is hard. Indeed! I wrote a long comment yesterday on that post and somehow I deleted it. I've read your blogs for years and always appreciate your positive joy seeking approach. Also the honesty. No sugar coating. I'm sorry you are having o go through this tough time. I have worn similar shoes down a similar path. And yes, you will be okay. Sending strength.
Kristin, I'm grateful for you. I know we're strangers, but your blog has been a near daily presence in my life for years. It takes an enormous amount of strength and fortitude to share as vulnerably as you have. From the west coast, this stranger is sending you love, hugs and wishes of perseverance.
Also, I'm happy to make your affiliate links my first-stop for online shopping. As you think about growing this part of the business, you have faithful readers who are here to help you grow!
Thankful for
Sunshine
Better sleep
My animals
My coworkers
My hubby for helping out at home since he is working parttime after retirement when I am still working full time!
Hang in there Kristen.
YAY 2008 Kristen!! And GO 2022 Kristen!! You've SO got this.
I very much admire you for keeping what needs to be private about your situation private, and for letting people who wish to help help through prayers and messages. Future Kristen (and her daughters) will thank you for how you are being the grown-up, even though it is hard now.
I am thankful for spring, which I didn't know I needed as much as I did, for the intermittent sunshine, for the constancy of the spring flowers that have come up, again.
I'm sure it feels a bit like a weight has been lifted now that you've let your blog community in on the troubles you are facing. Your blog has a lighter feel to it today and now you can reference ongoing things in your posts as you see fit.
Like many other people, I've been through a divorce and when I finally opened to my different communities of people, I felt some relief at just being able to be myself and be honest with my emotions. When I was having a hard day I could express it if I needed to. I also found that others opened up to me more which helped me feel some comraderie in my misery. For instance, several people who were in what appeared to be lovely marriages revealed to me that they'd been through a divorce and were now in their second marriage. It gave me hope for getting to the other side of my troubles.
You are loved.
Yes! I think that this will make it much easier for me to blog freely, especially once I move into a rental. That would have been hard to do while keeping quiet.
Thank you for sharing your story with me!
I’m thankful that you were able to take comfort from us, your blog readers!
You took the time to email me when I sent you a cry for help some years back and I am now sending you so much love.
You and your girls have all of us on your team xx
Your girls will be ok. I just wrote this in the comments section of your post from yesterday, but I want to say it again because I can hear you’re worried about it. My parents divorced when I was a teenager, and things actually became far far easier for my siblings and me. While they were “trying to make things work for the kids,” we were living in a house full of tension and not-so-veiled hostility. Things got so much better once that period passed - based on my experience, I don’t think anyone should ever try to make things work for the kids. I’m happily married now with a daughter of my own; with the passage of time, their fairly acrimonious divorce became just something that happened in life like anything else, rather than anything scarring. As long as they know you love them, they’ll thrive.
@Katie, I have to disagree.
I'm thinking of the first sentence of Anna Karenina: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Divorce scarred my children badly. Please don't assume that everyone who gets divorced is in an unhappy, hostile marriage. I know it's pop psychology that a divorce is less traumatic than living in an unhappy marriage, but sociology stats do not that bear this out, for low-conflict marriages. (High conflict marriages are different.)
I wish my ex would have tried to make things work for the kids. Instead, he put his midlife crisis needs first and my children suffered badly from it. In fact, my daughter, who used to be close to her father, has not spoken a single word to him from the day he walked out. This stresses and upsets me a lot, especially since his family paints HER as the bad guy, including not listing her as a grandchild in a recent family obituary. And of course, many people think I "poisoned" her mind against him. I always say anything who thinks that has obviously never met my daughter.
My children have not met my ex's new wife, the one he had an affair with, and my son has told his father he never will.
It's not good. It's terrible. No one is thriving.
@Rose, I’m sorry your family has been so unhappy and that your children have suffered so much through your divorce. I’m not assuming that every family has a high conflict divorce, and I understand your divorce was not really within your control. I am trying to reassure Kristen, who is clearly a very kind, caring person and a loving mom, that children can come through a divorce without lasting trauma. She said that she feels terrible about her children, so I want to be sure that she knows her children can be ok. I understand that your divorce was terrible for you and your children, and I wish you healing. I’m not sure that this is a helpful comment for Kristen given what she and her family are going through right now though.
Kristen, I hope you know that I’m speaking of the long view in my particular family. If you had asked me at 15, I would have said that I wished my parents hadn’t split up. From a grown up perspective, however, I look back at my parents’ divorce as a necessary thing for everyone in my family - they were not able to live together, and things were harder for us while they tried to. I can’t imagine you would have taken this step without serious thought and care, and after many years of reading your blog, I know this isn’t a step you would take lightly. I just want you to know that with supportive care from loving adults, and counseling as needed, many adult children of divorce are fine.
To anyone else thinking about responding right now with your own family stories, please think about what will be helpful to Kristen at this moment in her life.
Rose, I wish you healing!
@Katie, Thanks for the shade, Katie. Kristen can handle it.
@Rose, agreed with Katie... How is this helpful? It's not. At all. Everyone knows that a messy divorce will affect kids, but it is also a possibility for kids to have parents who will handle divorce with maturity and do their best to keep the kids protected and feeling loved. There is no reason to stay in an trully unhappy marriage, especially not '''for the kids''. They know, they feel it and all you are showing them is that in life, even if something hurts you, you should stay. Nope.
My perspective for what it's worth: yes, divorce can be terribly devastating for children. But what is also true is that living in a toxic environment is also devastating, and if the environment cannot be fixed, then sometimes divorce is the more merciful option for the kids. And sometimes, after a divorce of that sort, the children do thrive more post-divorce than pre-divorce.
But of course, it's impossible to make blanket statements about this type of thing. People's situations vary drastically, and so do their outcomes.
Thankful Thursday Frugal Girl Edition:
1) Thankful that you drew my attention to food waste….maybe 12 or 13 years ago? I can only imagine the mountain of food saved from the trash.
2) Thankful for the reminders that money does not equal happiness.
3) Thankful for the reminder that I can learn from and admire those who have a very different lifestyle than mine.
4) Thankful for the reminder that small pleasures are important- a walk in the sun, homemade bread, holiday decor.
5) Thankful for the reminder that saving now can lead to goals realized later.
I am thankful that I was able to find and buy a portable oil-filled radiant heater. We've had a cold week and the furnace is not yet repaired but most stores have switched to selling portable cooling units.
I am thankful for the joy of spring and some sunshine even on cold days.
I am thankful for free Netflix. (The previous owners of the house left so tech behind and we have free Netflix until they disconnect the tv from their account.)
I am thankful that I live in a neighborhood with trees. I haven't yet found a good walking path or local trail but I am finding some nice places.
I am thankful for the orange tree at the house we just bought. It was a treat to find half a dozen ripe oranges left on a tree.
I’m glad you got the response you did to your news yesterday. I’m not surprised, considering what a wonderful and loving online community you’ve built over the years, but very glad. I hope it continues to make things just a little easier as you go through this.
My thankful list:
- You, Kristen, and this blog
- A negative covid test yesterday so I could go to the first concert since pre-covid times
- Related to that: that covid is easing enough that restrictions and mandates are lifting and this concert was even possible
- Spring break
- Finally some warmer temps after a cold spring
- Cherry blossoms
@Jem,
My family and I are headed home from a spring break trip to Washington, D.C. We planned it far in advance, and had no idea the cherry trees would be in bloom - they are so beautiful! What a lovely and enduring gift to our country from Japan.
Thankful:
1. That I can afford to support friends who are writers by buying their books when they come out. I am not sure how I managed to have four friends who publish fiction but these past few months all of them have come out with new books, so I have spent more than I usually do buying a copy for myself and one for our town's library.
2. My four new chicks, who for now are living on a counter until they are old enough to be put in the coop. It is still well below freezing at night so for a few more weeks my days will be punctuated by contented cheeps. It makes me happy to hear them.
3. My new canary yellow Allbirds; I love yellow! They are the most comfortable shoes I have ever owned, and the tops are made of wool so they stretch to accommodate my leg brace. My husband bought them for my Easter basket but I opened the box not realizing they were going to be a gift.
4. For Cavatappi Pasta, a type of corkscrew pasta that holds onto the sauce better than any other pasta I have used. It is just one of those little things in life that seem like treats designed just with me in mind.
5. That you, Kristen, are going to keep writing your blog despite the turmoil going on in your life. I would miss the daily boost of kindness you bring. (Plus without you I never would have bought the bread baking pans I use and I love them! Who knows what other things you will introduce into my life.)
@Lindsey. Gosh, I don't know how I forgot the most important thing I am thankful for, that my husband's diagnostic tests came back showing he does not have cancer. I watched him live through what now seems like draconian chemo in 1982 and he always said he would just let himself die at this age, rather than go through that again. I didn't think I was that stressed about it until we learned the test results and I burst into a heap of sobs.
OH MY GOODNESS that is the best news. YAYYY! Very pleased for you guys.
@Lindsey, three hearty huzzahs (in Austen-speak) for the testing news! Long may your DH and his curly gray locks wave.
@Lindsey, Hooray!
@Lindsey,
Your first one speaks to me!! I have two friends that are authors and I'm in the struggle of really wanting to purchase their books but not having the finances to do that very often. Last year I was so happy that one had a book release right after I got some money for my birthday. I love being able to support them by buying their books when I can! And I'm totally fine with my needing-to-spend-less stage of life right now, but I guess I just mean to say that I understand the joy of being able to support author friends by buying their books. 🙂
And I'm so happy for you with your husband's report of no cancer!
@Lindsey,
So very, very happy for your husband and you-yay!! Your journey is among those I look for and follow.
@Lindsey,
Hooray for this fantastic news!! So happy for you and your hubby!!
1. I started back at work this week and I'm profoundly grateful for the people before me who fought for parental leave benefits in Canada.
2. The team I joined is making it very easy for me to return to work--they aren't working me too hard yet!
3. I'm the first of my close friends to have a baby, and it's really sweet how much they've taken an interest in my daughter.
4. I can commute by foot! It's so much more enjoyable than driving and is better for my health; I get an hour of exercise built into my day.
5. The weather is improving. It's wonderful to see the sun still up at dinnertime!
Yay! I am so glad that your return to work has been going ok.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’m glad that you’re making the decision that you, the counselor, and the pastor think is right. Know that you are doing your best and trying to do the right thing, and that’s all you can do besides pray. I pray that the situation is resolved peacefully and according to God’s will. I am so glad that your daughters are supportive and loving and understanding, along with your family. That is worth gold! Believe in yourself—you will get through this! Thank you for always being a positive, encouraging, real, honest voice. I know that sounds funny, since I don’t know you in real life, but I’ve started my day reading your blog (at least every day that there’s a post) for probably 12-13 years. Yours is the only blog that I still follow daily. I’m praying for peace, calm, confidence, and strength for you. Sending virtual hugs!!
Thankful for Kristen and her kind community--if yesterday wasn't proof of that, I don't know what was!
Right now I'm just feeling thankful for the basics--a roof over my head, indoor plumbing and heating, food in the pantry and freezer, the ability to manage the ever-rising prices on everything, the opportunity to meet up with my sister for coffee today, the cream for my coffee since I, too, can't stomach it black (there seems to be a common theme of Kristen-ites who pay homage to the delights of cream). Also and most importantly, for my family and friends.
I have never contributed to your "thankful Thursday" post but felt it was time for me to put it in writing. I have SO much to be thankful for that it's a shame for me not to express it once in a while.
I'm incredibly thankful for your blog (long time reader). I've used many of your recipes (bread - yes!) and learned much about frugality from you. I have always pictured your beautiful little family perfect in every way (I know...no one is perfect...but you seem so to me). I'm so sad you're going through a not-perfect time in your life. Life hands us all a taste of bitter at times and we can become much wiser because of our struggles.
I'm thankful for my life at this point, my wonderful husband, 3 beautiful loving daughters & SILs, my only son who is struggling with ALS that he is still with us, and 13 beautiful grandchildren. I'm so thankful that all of my loved ones are warm, contributing, loving people.
Although times are or may become more perilous, I'm thankful for a roof over our heads, food to eat, clothes to wear, and nearly debt-free. It's a very good time in my life and I'm content and happy.
I wish the same for you, Kristen, may you have peace and contentment as your issues resolve.
@Joan,
My father in law had ALS. Hugs to you and prayers for your son!
Susan M.
I'm thankful for:
1. That you have so many supporters and people who are rooting for you and your girls.
2. That my girl is healthy and happy and excited for her future. She joined the army and is finally finished with her training (Apache Mechanic) she's going to South Korea for 3 years and though she's going so far away I'm proud of and happy for her.
3. That instead of getting all depressed about not having daughter around I'm setting and moving forward with personal goals that I can fully focus on. It's scary as all get out but I choose to embrace this new phase with open arms and mind.
4. For Bowie. On my way to the community college to apply for a job, his song Changes played. So appropriate and well...eeriely timed....I laughed and cranked it up.
Time to face the strange...
Yep.
All my best to you and yours.
Thanks always for this blog, one of two I subscribe to! I always think our children have grown up together from very far away, my oldest is now well into his twenties now, my youngest son is smack between Sonia and Zoe.
For warm weather, which means the peas, chard and salad greens are in the ground, the rhubarb is popping up and blossoms are everywhere. After a wet, west coast winter, spring feels and smells good.
For easy on line tax filing. I hated having to deal with of all those papers, the weird guide we would pick up from Canada Post outlets, the confusion, the never being quite sure if it was done right and did I put everything I needed in the envelope....those days are gone and for that I am thankful.
I’m thankful you have your people close by Kristen, and know how it is to lean on family when the tough times come. My mum and dad and sister were a huge source of practical support when 10 years ago I left my relationship. My boys and I made it out the other side and we formed our own little family unit and never looked back.
I know it helps me to let it out and share with others, so I'm hoping you feel some relief now that you've shared your news. Definitely brighter days ahead. ❤
I’ve been thinking of you so much. Know you are loved abs prayed for from afar. Sending you much love, peace and strength!
I think I starting reading your blog in 2008 when I retired! I feel like we are friends. I’ve watched your children grow up. I’ve enjoyed your advice and your humor. My heart is breaking for you, and I also know you will be okay. So much love for you from your faithful readers, and from me.
Like so many, I am touched by your transparency and gentle spirit during a truly difficult part of your journey. It takes a great deal of faith and discipline to not disparage those people and events that bring immense pain into our lives, but you are doing that with grace and dignity. God is catching all those tears. You are so loved. Blog on.
Thankful that radiation treatments for stage I pancreatic cancer are finished.
Thankful that the nausea I’ve lived with since August has finally lost its grip & i’m not living off of anti-nausea drugs.
Thankful for all the friends & family who have walked this journey with me.
Thankful for the words from my oncologist when I asked about canceling a big trip I have planned for the summer: “You’re in remission. You should go and live your life!”
Thankful for the life I have to live.
@Kt,
Wonderful words indeed - enjoy your trip!
@Kt, How wonderful! I hope your summer trip is all you want and more!!
@Kt, What joyful news! Yes to living your life. I wish you the best vacation ever.
Ohh, that is just such wonderful news. Yay! I hope your summer trip is just fabulous.
Everything will be ok.
You know this already, but I think sometimes people forget to say it. So, here it is again: Everything WILL be ok.
We are all cheering for you along with your awesome kiddos.
Hugs.
I'm saddened that you and the girls are going through this challenging time. I also know that you will handle this situation with your usual grace and kindness.
I, however, am totally enraged on your behalf by Mr. FG's keeping the house. You have put so much of yourself into making the house a home for the family. The good thing about having your blog history online since 2008 is that you have all the proof you need that you certainly put in lots of work on any potential community property. I am with some of the other readers who have advised you to consult a lawyer and at least get an idea of options in your state.
Your kindness may protest that you don't need anything because you can take care of yourself and the girls. We ALL know that is more than true but you should make sure that you get everything the law allows even if it's just during this separation. You have worked hard to make this marriage work and deserve to be safe and comfortable while you and the girls take a breath. There is enough stress on your life right now that finances and a safe, comfortable home are the least that you deserve.
Your kindness has touched so many of us that you have an army of supporters behind you. Your grace is evident in all your posts when dealing with difficult subjects like Joshua and now your husband. You won't say anything that would invade their privacy or make them look bad which as you can see from my being enraged on your behalf is something I still have to work on.
Know that you and the girls are in my thoughts, that I'm grateful that you have so much family and friend support, and that you are doing what is best for you and the girls. Blessings from a longtime loyal reader.
You've specifically called out your girls in these last 2 posts...I hope all is well with you and Joshua?!? I've read your blog for a long time, I look forward to your posts every week! You are in my thoughts and prayers -- take care!!!
Things are not all well; that is another sorrow in my life. See the end of this post for more: https://www.thefrugalgirl.com/qa-kids-marriage-and-money/
@Kristen, Oh dear! I totally missed that post. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that is like but I have many friends who are for one reason or another estranged from a loved one. Heavenly Father gave us agency to walk our own path. He knows the pain we go through as parents when we also see our kids use that agency. My heart aches for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers!
I am thankful that my family got vaccinated -- hubby and I tested positive today (boo!). The kids got tested today at school so we're hoping they're in the clear. I am grateful that (so far) this is just like a bad cold - it could have been so much worse!!!!
Oh, those are such big things to be thankful for! I'm so glad for these blessings for you in the midst of sorrow.
Today I'm thankful for time with one of my favorite friends! Pre-pandemic we would workout together about 3x/week and we made the effort to keep our friendship going through all of the COVID shutdowns and whatnot, but our schedules haven't aligned the same as before and we've especially had a terrible finding time to get together these few months. Today it worked out and it was such a gift!
As you may know some areas of Australia have had severe flooding. This week there has been more rain. Some areas have flooded again , but we remain safe.
My granddaughters' fill me with endless delight and love. How lucky am I?
After a small and expensive bingle (car accident) the car is back and I am even more thankful for this car.
I am thankful that you, Kristen, have an income and prudence. I didn't and many don't. This is another example of how you rock! I am glad you have family near by as well. Very very important.
Sunshine. Sunshine is so important to me as I get quite sad very quickly. After a wet and gloomy summer I am loving the slightly cooler days and the sun.
Kristen, love and support comes back your way as a boomerang : you gave and now you receive.
My 5 TT :
- My diet is '''''finally''''' working : -16 lbs this month
- Having a class online. I love doing this from home
- Got a couple days off paid this week for covid symptoms (Negative afterall)
- Calm relationship with hubby after many years of up&downs
- DD being invited to a sleep-over and other DD wanting to spend time with me tonight one on one 🙂
I'm thankful for Kristen and the community that she built here. Whenever I feel down at how divided we are politically as a nation, I remember this community and how the people who comment here can find common ground despite our varied backgrounds and faiths and express themselves with so much civility and respect for each other.
I've also been so grateful to live my life safe with my children and only have small frustrations to worry me. The war in Ukraine has put so much into perspective for me and I wish there was more I could do.
I am thankful to have my own career and money even though my husband makes more. As Kristen says, money gives you options. And my career gives me an independent identity outside my family and home.
I've also been so thankful for Fresh Direct! It's been saving me so much time grocery shopping and the prices are similar or better to what I would get from my local grocery store (I live in NYC). I've actually started cooking more varied recipes again because I'm not limited to what I can physically haul from the store each time.
Bless your heart, Kristen. I am praying for peace for you and your girls.
I am thankful for my own marriage. My mom is currently going through marital issues I suspect are not unlike yours. It is painful to watch someone you love have a hard time and be powerless to help. Seeing hardship around you makes you acutely aware of how much of a rarity and therefore a real blessing a happy marriage is. My husband and I were just saying how sometimes we marvel at how much joy our marriage has brought us.
I am thankful for spring unfolding around me. The older I get the more I notice the little signs of spring and the more I appreciate it. The rhythm of the seasons delights me every time.
I am thankful for my career. It allows me to use my talents. It pays me well. It is flexible enough to allow me to take care of non-career-related things (all the rest of my life) when I need to do so.
I am thankful for good podcasts. It's a small thing, but a good podcast gets me through my commute and encourages me to be a better informed person.
I am thankful for this blog. I started reading a decade ago, and I am still a fan. I learned how to make bread here. I am encouraged as a fellow Christian by watching your life unfold. I love, love, love that you didn't try to pivot your blog success into instagram influencer whatever. Instead you have created a happy little corner of the internet that feels comfortable and timeless. (Who knew we'd ever say that about a blog?!)
I just read your previous blog post and I am praying for you and your family. Wish I could give you a big hug! I am thankful for bloggers like you that make me appreciate all that I have and look for ways to save money! I love your blog and always look forward to your posts!
For today, I am just going to say.I am thankful for the internet. I know it has brought bad things, but I now know people like you and the wonderful people that follow you and without the internet that would not have happened.
So glad to know you have received so much support, your corner of the internet is a noce one!
It’s good to know that your kids and u are in a safe place and loved ones around u Kristen! So proud of you that your already planning ahead and going to nursing school in the future! You have your community around u and having fun making money too.
1. Florida Sun
2. Two Grandsons
3. Two Grandaughters
4. My Personal Trainer
5. My Mid day nappy nap
I am thankful I found your blog in 2016 and have been a faithful follower ever since. You and this community constantly remind me to be positive and grateful. I live in an environment where it's so easy to get caught up in...nonsense. So thank you to everyone here.
I'm so glad this has been a happy place for you. Yay!