Thankful Thursday | I kept us here with words
This week I am thankful:
that I have "kept us here with words"
In Maggie Smith's book, "You Could Make This Place Beautiful", there's a short essay called Full Disclosure.
I'll just put a photo of it here for you, and for context, I'll tell you that in other parts of the book, she shared that her husband was quietly resentful of her writing work and also resentful of the fame that happened when one of her poems went viral.
This is one of the little essays that made me burst into tears during my trip through the book. Her story is different than mine because she did stay in the marital home, but still, this resonated with me.
Like Maggie, I earn my money by writing. Like Maggie, I have been self-employed. Like Maggie, I have a job that feels a little weird and intangible.
But the words earn money, and that turns into something tangible: a place to live.
I brought us here to this rental with my writing income, and we have been here for the last year and a half because of my writing income.
I kept us here with words, and I am endlessly grateful.
And also a little bit...proud.
Not in an, "I'm better than everyone else!" kind of way, but in a slightly defiant, independent way. I built something, on my own, with my words, that puts food on my table and keeps a roof over my head.
So, I feel both a whispered, grateful, "I kept us here with words." and also a standing tall, chin raised, "I KEPT US HERE WITH WORDS."
But after the defiant yelling version of this, my brain still comes back around to quiet gratefulness; I know, I know, I know that I am so privileged to have this job, and my heart is always filled with thankfulness for that.
that my cold was mild and well-timed
You know how last week I was saying that I hadn't been sick in so long?
Well, shortly after that...I got a cold. But, it's been a pretty mild one. And I am so grateful it happened this week because this week is one of the lightest ones schedule-wise for school the whole semester.
Clinicals start next week and continue for the next nine weeks, so I'm glad to have gotten a cold out of the way now.
And I'm going to optimistically hope that I will catch zero more colds all semester. 😉
that I did actually remember to put salt in the cinnamon rolls
Zoe's birthday was this past weekend, and when she had her friends over for a sleepover, I made some overnight cinnamon rolls for breakfast the next morning.
In the morning, I baked them, frosted them, and then headed out for a previously-scheduled coffee with a friend.
On the way there, I was like, "OH NO I DO NOT REMEMBER PUTTING SALT IN THE DOUGH."
And then I was feeling very annoyed with myself. Like, why do I always have these realizations at very unhelpful times??
But I tasted one when I got home, and as it turns out, I must have just put the salt in there on auto-pilot because they tasted fine.
I can tell you from personal experience: if you make yeast dough without salt, you know something's wrong when you taste the finished product. It is so flat and terrible without salt....practically inedible.
that Zoe's friends are so fun
Obviously, the main priority is that Zoe enjoys being around her friends.
But whenever I hang around with them, when they're here for a sleepover, or we're going to Hershey Park, I too have fun with them. They're great girls, and they are not too cool to talk to me, the mom.
It is a lovely bonus when you happen to enjoy the people your kids hang out with!
for so many sunny days this week
Sunshine = happy me.
And while we are promised clouds today and rain tomorrow, there are a lot of sunny days in the 10-day forecast and I am happy for that.
Also: I am really noticing the longer days now! I had to be somewhere at 6 pm the other day, and as I was driving there, I noticed that it is most definitely not pitch black even at 6:00 these days.
Yay!!
for being able to catch up with an old friend
Last Thursday, after my math exam, I met up with an old friend that used to play cello in the church band with me. I hadn't seen her in so many years even though we live near each other (both of our lives went a little crazy, for different reasons), but we had so much fun catching up with each other.
We walked seven miles together and we barely even noticed that we had walked for so long.
Not only have you kept yourself there with words, but with words that were and are meaningful to us readers. With thoughtful and kind and supporting words. And your ability to write may be a gift, but it is a gift you have developed.
This week I am thankful for the talents we discover in ourselves and others, and for the courage we find to grow our abilities.
Thankful for lighter days
Thankful that electricity was off for only an hour during the one day maintenance window
Thankful that my memory is still good and that I can learn new things
@JNL, I get ridiculously pleased when I think that not only is Kristen earning income from her blog, and even more so that it's substantial, but also that she started it as a service to self and others rather than a job.
@WilliamB, Amen!! Well put.
@WilliamB, such a wonderful and true insight. Thank you for expressing it so well. Kristen has made this world a better place for so many people. I love the community she has built and many of the loyal frequent contributors. She deserves the accolades and more.
@JNL, @WilliamB, and everyone else, I join you all in gratitude for Kristen's blog--not only for keeping a literal roof over her head, but for keeping a figurative roof over all of our heads. Thank you, Kristen, for this space.
@WilliamB,
Yes, that!
@WilliamB,
Agreed and well said!
@WilliamB,
As always, well said.
@JNL, Very well said. I was filling out a survey and one of the questions was "What lifestyle influencer do you follow, and what blog do you participate in? thefrugalgirl.
@WilliamB, As someone else said, Well put!
@JNL, @williamb,
Yes to all of this! We love you and your words, Kristen!!
Absolutely be proud of yourself, both loudly and quietly, standing bold or just whispering to remind yourself. You are AMAZING.
@N,
DITTO to Kristen. You are AMAZING.
@N,
Yes, exactly what I was thinking! Well said.
I am thankful for this blog and this weekly challenge/exercise.
I am thankful that it feels as if we are on the cusp of spring. We have had sunny days, this week I saw so many blooms: snow drops, crocus, forsythia, daffodils, and Lenten Roses. I also appreciate the lighter days, it is noticeable both in the morning and evening.
I am thankful for modern plumbing. I was not feeling well in the afternoon yesterday and thank goodness for modern plumbing.
I am thankful I cancelled a trip. On balance it felt as if going would be a mistake. I will visit my friend in FL in a different format soon.
I am thankful for my sibling that turns 60.
You have much to be proud of, and I imagine that being able to support yourself with your words is just the top of the iceberg.
TT:
-sunny days. We spent a lot of time outside this week and it was so good for us. I think we’ve gained about an hour of sun since the beginning of the month.
-slow mornings with coffee and kid snuggles on days off this week
-listening to kids giggle at an audiobook.
-finding a book that my not-into-reading student refused to put down.
I'm sure all would agree, we are thankful for your writing and positive attitude.
Thankful I am feeling better after catching a stomach bug.
For my co-workers who made me laugh yesterday, I was still feeling crappy but HAD to go into work. I "thought" we had sick days...
I was able to see the grands for a brief shining moment, they can up to visit but did not know the youngest had said stomach bug. They immediately left for home. Bless her heart she was so sick but piped up "grandma let's decorate some cookies" because I promised her we would. Next time honey...
The weather was so nice Tuesday I was able to take the dogs for a very brief walk.
For my sibs on both sides, they are fun and funny. Same for my kids, they turned out great and their spouses are awesome. Very lucky!
@Mar, that lack of sick days means that sick employees will infect other employees and customers too. Such a short-sighted policy!
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
Don't get me started about companies not providing sick time....the HOSPITAL where I work took away (my opinion: stole) everyone's sick time as the "solution"/answer to newer employees complaining they weren't able to accrue sick time fast enough. Us old-timers, who had a gazillion sick time hours and 25+ years of service + appropriate age, were paid a fraction of what they were worth (less than 25%). Now, the first three days you call in sick come out of your PTO bank, and if it lingers longer, you go into short term disability for any additional days (at 60% of your base pay). Needless to say, people come in sick all the time, because who wants to use PTO to be home sick? The hospital powers-that-be encourage employees "not to come in to work sick", but they make it difficult to do so. This also includes time off after delivery of a child.
This is something I am not grateful for.
This week I am thankful:
*for your words. That your words are useful to you in more ways than one.
*that the insurance decided to cover a dental procedure for my daughter.
*for read-aloud time with my children. It's my favorite part of homeschooling.
*for blooming crocuses.
*that I was reading Middlemarch with other people. It is so lovely to be able to discuss interesting books.
I'm thankful you had a stream of income to be able to make hard choices for the right reasons and a way to support yourself and your daughter. I've been there and without a lot of help, I wouldn't have been so fortunate.
I'm thankful my younger son is enjoying his new job. It seems to be helping him rebuild some self-esteem and confidence after his last life-sucking position with horrible management.
I'm thankful that although I am in a time where I don't love my housing situation, I do have a very nice, safe home that shelters us and is very comfortable.
Silly, but I have had ZERO luck with sourdough since moving to my new house. I don't know if it is just cold, if it doesn't like the water....I have no idea, but FINALLY after probably 6 weeks of nursing along a sourdough starter that was just flat...it FINALLY took off. I made a loaf of bread yesterday.
Thankful for friends. I am thankful I get to see many when I go back every 2 weeks for work. I miss my friends since moving. Thankful I am slowly making new friends (difficult when you are an introvert naturally).
@Marlena, sounds like things are on the upswing for you (:
@Marlena, how far away did you move from your previous home and work?
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, I'm right at right at 2 hours away. The new house is very close to my two grown children and puts me just 2 hours from my parents (I was 4 hours away). I enjoy seeing my parents much more often and being able to do a day trip up there if they need something...having dinner with my kids or going to the movies, but I miss Charleston very much. I miss the beaches, the restaurants, etc. I go back every 2 weeks for work....so it isn't a horrible drive. The traffic in Charleston was getting to where you just didn't want to go anywhere, anytime and has continued to worsen in the past year that I have been gone.
@Marlena,
As a fellow introvert who moved often as a child (dad who was trying to climb up the corporate ladder), I totally understand about slowly making new friends. keep at it, you'll get there, and will still cherish your "old" friends (previous friends? friends in Charleston? you know what I mean). 🙂
@Liz B.,
I forgot to mention Charleston's beaches....100% understand you missing them as well. Beautiful, beautiful beaches.
@Liz B., the plus is when we take beach days now, we go to Edisto or Beaufort and use the distance as a reason to spend the night 🙂
@Marlena,
As one must! 😉
This is a good day for this—had stress dreams last night and woke up this morning paralyzed with anxiety. I have to go through my portfolio of works and tailor them to a good-sounding job I’ve been approached about. I should read that book—I have it on Kindle and I tried it once but it upset me so I put it aside.
I am thankful the rats seem to be gone. My daughter also stuffed some of Gus’s fur around and under the kitchen, as apparently just cat fur repels rats.
I felt bad last night after my dog killed a bird, so I read Yeats’s poem “Death.” One thing to be thankful for is that the Internet facilitates reading so easily. No thumbing through a book of poems needed. Just type and it’s there. I have several bones to pick with Yeats, though, so I still felt bad. Went back to Tennyson. That made me laugh because I remembered when my sister, as a teenager, for reasons best known to herself, decided to memorize and recite “The Charge of the Light Brigade.”
I am thankful for longer days. For the hope of fresh flowers. For being alive. Unlike Yeats and Tennyson and that cardinal.
@Rose, LOL to the last one. Thank you. I look forward to reading your comments.
@Rose,
I love that poem, too! I memorized it in College. I am known to recite it while doing very hard physical labor (filling barn with hay) The one nephew loves it so much that he recited it for one of his classes and received an extra credit. Ha!
@Rose, my cat has an ABUNDANCE of cat fur. LOL. I have a whole vacuum canister full! I'm going to go throw it around my attic LOL.
@Rose,
Here's to you getting your portfolio together, and grabbing that job (if it is something that suits you). I tried (and tried) to read that book, but....I don't know....it just didn't grab me. Even though I'm not divorced, I can still usually relate to what someone else has been through, and their thoughts on their situation, but not this time. Maybe it was just my frame of mind, who knows.
Good to know about the cat fur. Also, we have a neighborhood cat who likes to hang out in our yard; this cat caught a blue jay last year by hiding in some sunflowers that had sprouted around my bird feeders. I was distraught. will be keeping the bird feeders free of tall plants from now on. Sigh.
@Marlena, and Rose, I don't know about keeping rats at bay, but I bagged up some dried lavender into mesh bags and put it in strategic mouse runs. I have seen no more mice.
@Chrissy, good to know! I'm up for trying anything in the attic!
@Liz B., I did put it together and frankly after an hour's effort, I better get the job. BOY, I'm spoiled. I also managed to put together my monthly column in a local magazine.
The headhunter went after me, I didn't go after the job, and it looks like a totally fine job with decent pay for what it is, but not a perfect fit for my skills. Fortunately that has never stopped me before! Ha. We'll see. This isn't tech writing which I was thinking I'd go back to, since it pays so well.
@Blue Gate Farmgirl, When I have had hard physical tasks, I sing Old Man River at the top of my lungs.
@Lindsey, My mother always sang "You load 16 tons, what do you get? /
Another day older and deeper in debt / St. Peter, don't you call me 'cause I can't go / I owe my soul to the company store at me whenever I got annoyed at some chore. Speaking of Ol Man River, my ex husband's grandfather was very good friends with Paul Robeson, who sang at Grandpa's campaign rallies.
Nowadays I always hum "Camptown Races." Yesterday at the hardware store I found myself humming, "I'll bet my money on the bob-tail nag, Somebody bet on the bay." I also think someone should make a movie about the tragic life of Stephen Foster.
@Lindsey, For variety, you could go to "I've been working on the railroad, all the livelong day... "
You should be proud. I'm proud of you, too.
This has been some week, so my thankfuls are all in the vein of "It could be worse . . ."
--Thankful for a strong bond with my children. My son had an adverse reaction to the ketamine he was given to calm him before his nerve block (before the general anesthetic before his foot surgery . . .) and essentially had a bad LSD trip right in front of my eyes. It was terrifying, but when I went up to his head and made him lock eyes with me while I talked to him, he regained some measure of control. It was one of the more powerful things I have ever experienced as a mother, sort of akin to when my small babies would calm immediately when I held them. It was also truly horrible, and I hope to never see anything like that again.
--Thankful the surgery itself went well, and that he was less stubborn about taking the prescribed painkillers afterwards, so he didn't seem to be in as much pain immediately post-surgery.
--Thankful I had already asked for Monday off to take care of him, so when I woke up with a cold on Monday, and another of my sons woke up sick, I didn't have to worry about calling in. Also thankful that while it was annoying, it wasn't a cold that rendered me non-functional.
--Thankful I don't work Tuesdays or Thursdays. Besides the post-surgical boy, I have had one or the other of his brothers home both these days with a nasty digestive thing. But I'm here to take care of them. And also really glad the post-surgical child hasn't caught anything we've had. That would really be a kick in the head for the poor kid.
--Thankful for my husband, who has been holding down the fort all this year while I drive to basketball games, surgeries, physical therapy appointments, work . . . and often has had to come pick up a sick kid from school.
It's been a heck of a school year. I can only hope next year is less eventful.
@kristin @ going country, Oh, my! How scary. I have a son who has/had? night terrors. It is heart-wrenching to see him so scared when it seems like he's conscious. While he doesn't remember the terrors, it is so clearly vivid to those of us who have to observe.
@Jody S., This same child had night terrors as a toddler, as well. Maybe it's the more-nervous temperaments that are susceptible to bad reactions like that? I don't know. Awful, though.
@kristin @ going country, I'm glad you were there for them.
I've had night terrors my entire life. My ex told me I screamed every single night. I've always been anxious.
@kristin @ going country, I love to follow your posts for many reasons not least because of how well your kids are taken care of by your unique situation.
So, my heart skipped a beat when reading about the hospital episode. So, so glad it turned out well and that you could be there for him and the rest of the little patients this week.
I also love how caring your husband is in your stories because mine is exactly the same. It reinforces how lucky I feel.
@kristin @ going country, my son used to have paradoxical reactions to sedatives. He was given ketamine before getting some stitches in his chin at age six and was hallucinating like crazy. To this day -- he is 33 -- he avoids anything sedating.
@Ruby, I told my son to consider this his warning that recreational drug use is definitely not for him. 🙂
@kristin @ going country, sending you hugs. The reaction must have been terrifying for both of you!! hope you all are on the mend and that things are all on the upswing!
@kristin @ going country, wow, what a week for you all. Here's my wish to you for healthier and better times ahead.
@kristin @ going country,
Holy cow! What a week you've had. Your son should definitely mention his reaction to the ketamine if he ever has another surgery or other medical procedures where it might be used (in addition to no recreational use of drugs, ha ha).
@kristin @ going country, You always sound so competent, but especially today in dealing with your son's drug reaction. I had to laugh at saying this should be a warning to him about recreational drug use. It reminded me of a nun who would say after any hard or awful event, "There is nothing so terrible that you cannot find a life lesson in it." You rock.
@Liz B., after ensuring there was an alternative drug, I'd say he was allergic to it. That won't rule out human error of course - had a GF who ended up with a drug on her allergic list in her IV but a) GF was cognizant enough to ask what she was being given (most nurses aren't quite the a-holes some doctors are) and b) it was stopped quickly. Thankfully not a one drop-would-do-her-in allergy. My job is to remember the name of the drug my husband is allergic to.
You should be proud of yourself! You are amazing.
I'm thankful that we live close to both kids and that I've been able to help pregnant DD prepare for the baby's arrival.
I'm thankful that tomorrow we will get to meet our first grandchild!
I'm thankful that my coworkers are very supportive and are willing to take over my responsibilities when I have to be out of the office.
I'm thankful for the beautiful sunny days we've had this week.
I'm thankful for our daffodils that are blooming. They remind me that spring is almost here.
@Beverly, Congratulations on the first grandchild. Being a grandmother is my life's goal!
Yesterday was a tough day - those days come and I just have to try to roll through them as best I can. I keep thinking that the grief will ease up, then it roars back to life. BUT, I kept us here, in this home, with my tenacity. I will not give up, even though it seems some days like finding things to be grateful for is too challenging.
*I am thankful for my mini coffee pot and my frugal-priced coffee which gets me going every day. Its quiet and peaceful in the mornings and I love this time planning my day.
*Thankful that we will have very mild tempts and sun the next few days. This makes yardwork so much more enjoyable! I am able bodied, and I can get it done.
*Thankful that I befriended someone years ago at work, and it has blossomed into full fledged friendship that has enriched my life. You never know who you will meet and bond with!
**
Catching up with an old friend is such a gift!
@Gina from The Cannary Family, Sending heartfelt good wishes to you for the tough days. That grief seems unendurable but clearly you are showing the way to be there for your family — and for yourself. Thanks for sharing.
@Gina from The Cannary Family, friendships can help fill so many other holes in our lives and souls. I'm glad you have a good one!
@Gina from The Cannary Family, greetings from my bad time with grief earlier this week (which, thank goodness, I now seem to be passing through) to your more recent one. Hands across the miles, from one recent widow to another.
@A. Marie, You always seem to have the perfect words for comfort.
@A. Marie, my dad died Wednesday. He was an old, sick guy, but I will miss him everyday forever. But, my heart breaks for my mother right now. She has said so many times that she knows I understand what she’s going through. This widowhood is a ridiculous club, isn’t it?
You deserve to feel proud! Never let another person's ego issues define your truth (and this goes not just for spouses, but bosses, co-workers, friends, etc.) We all need to the strength to do this and it ain't always easy!
Yes to salt in dough! As someone who tends to skimp on salt, I obviously learned this the hard way.
@Bobi,
I agree that what you say goes for all of those people (and, anyone) but it’s so much more hurtful when it’s a spouse. Or, a parent.
You have so, so much to be proud of, and being able to even sort of support yourself with writing is huge. Very few people actually manage it, even very talented people with plenty of money and time and all that good stuff. Under the circumstances that you were in before, and under the ones you are in now, you are knocking it out of the park.
That you will be qualified nurse as well in the middle future is epic. It gives a lie to ''oh I have no time to write!'' statements. You are doing the thing, and doing it so well.
The down side, unfortunately, and Maggie Smith is clear on the point, is that there are people who are not thrilled about that achievement, that personal success and measure of independent self-improvement that goes with it. There can be a lot of reasons for that, none of them remotely acceptable or okay, but it is what it is, unfortunately. Jealousy is so ugly, and this meanness that often seems to happen in scenarios like yours is a close first cousin to that. But it's worse, because it often comes from the person or people who should be the first to be delighted, the first to show support and encouragement, to be boasting embarrassingly about you to anyone who stands still long enough.
Their loss.
@Caro, But enough about my family and my books!
Yes...it boggles my mind how a husband could be jealous of a success like hers rather than being so, so proud.
Another quote from that book: "When I got good news related to my writing- a publication, a grant, an invitation - I sensed him wince inwardly. So I stopped sharing good news. I made myself small, folded myself up origami tight. I canceled or declined upcoming events. See, I'll do anything to make my marriage work. I gave up income and professional opportunities, but those sacrifices didn't save my marriage."
(Italics are hers)
And that is because her writing and her successes were never the problem. Something was going on with him, some dysfunction in him prevented him from being able to be his wife's biggest cheerleader, and you can not ever be small enough to fix that in someone else.
@Kristen, thank you for expressing this so clearly. I am so grateful that my husband has supported my career, but wonder if he would have should I really have been financially successful instead of mostly dependent on his income.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, Probably Kristen won't OK this because I'm not supposed to argue but--why grateful? Happy, fine, but grateful? If you want a career, have one. You shouldn't have to be grateful to a man for having a career.
I think as long as gratefulness, support, and appreciation go both ways, and those things are freely given and received by both parties, all is well. The problem comes when there is inequity in any of those areas.
A husband could be grateful for the way his wife supports his career, and a wife could be grateful for the way her husband supports her career. I'm just here for equality!
Equality in one’s relationship is something that should be a given—not something to be grateful for. To me, it's like thanking Dad for "babysitting" the children.
I'm glad my ex used to shut people down when they made jokes about me spending his money. "She makes more than I do," he'd say.
I think where you and I differ is this: I want to be in a relationship where expressing gratitude and appreciation for things is the norm, even when those things ought to be part of a healthy relationship.
Like...if I get married again, and my husband goes away on a trip and I manage everything at home, I would love for him to express appreciation for that. And vice versa when the roles are reversed.
And to use the kid example (NOT supporting the word "babysitting"), I think it would be lovely for either spouse to express gratefulness for one covering childcare when the other needs to be gone.
@Kristen, so much wisdom in this. You can't fix someone's smallness by becoming smaller yourself.
@Rose, grateful that he was willing to carry the bulk of the financial burden for our life together, because when we were just barely making it, and I wondered if I should get a "real job", he encouraged me to keep going with the art. I also fully supported him, even when it meant the phone rang at 2 AM and he had to get out the door to plow snow within an hour from being woken from a dead sleep.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, I knew by the time I was a teenager, that I'd never depend on anyone else to support adult me. If I alone could not have supported the children I had, I'd have not had them. That said, I married a true man - a secure in his own skin man (whose mother raised him well - one out of five learned and appreciated her). Most years, I've been the bread winner - nice salaried income with benefits. I always planned to ensure he could comfortably raise the kids alone AND have medical insurance for him and the kids (there was no ACA back in the day).
My MIL managed money well, manager her inherited money (we're talking not quite mid-five figures but at the time, a decent chunk of change). Perhaps that is part of the reason his Y chromosome didn't rear its ugly side - he saw his mom managing money but who know. We've been married over 40 years.
I too hate it when a father says "he's babysitting his kids". UGH. I will add mine changed plenty of diapers as well as doing his fair share. And never uttered the words "babysitting the kids".
@Rose, Ha!! You are just brilliant
You are a wonderful writer and you should be proud!
This year was the first year we've had to PAY taxes, but I'm happy that we have the funds to pay the tax bill. My husband is grumpy about it, but I reminded him that there were several years previously that we would not have had the funds- and would have had to pay in payments or borrow.
Grateful to have a dear friend that I meet with monthly. We met when our boys were in Pre-K and they're 24 now. We decided that we wanted to keep the friendship. Our boys have stayed friends, too!
I am proud of and for you too.
Don't be so quick to invoke privilege, that you are able to do your job of writing. Many, many people have access to a computer and the internet, even if it's in the library, but very few of them have the work ethic and skill to do the daily slog of coming up with an interesting post, reading and responding to comments, and being observant enough of life that they actually have things to say.
On to being thankful....
1. I'm so, so thankful that my sister and I were able to spend three wonderful days in the historic section of Fernandina Beach on Amelia Island, Mon-Wed. What a sweet, relaxing time we had. More thanks to the daughter who gave me an early cash birthday gift just to spend on the mini-vacation.
2. I'm thankful that aforementioned sister's husband was just moved to a very nice VA nursing facility not far from her, moving out of the rehab facility. That will greatly simplify his medical care coordination plus mostly vets work there, and vets usually treat other vets with great respect and care.
3. I'm always thankful when my youngest daughter has a safe business flight, as she did going to Arizona this week. Now for a safe return flight today!
4. I'm thankful for the oldest daughter standing in for me with my husband at his nursing home while I was gone. She has a hectic life with spouse, four young kids and full time job, so I really appreciate this.
5. And on a lighter note, my sister and I decided to fully enjoy the restaurants and a little ice cream while we were in FB, but we walked so much each day, we each lost weight!
When I think of privilege, I think of things like...living in the internet age, when writing doesn't have gatekeepers like it did in the past. Or being born with a brain that loves to read and write. Or having a childhood that gave me access to nearly unlimited reading materials. Or being taught to work hard.
I deserve credit for some of what has brought me to this place, but there are also things that helped me get there that I deserve absolutely no credit for!
I have been to Amelia Island before; it is beautiful there!
@JD, I'm glad to hear from you, and especially glad to hear that your temporary absence from here was for an excellent reason: a vacation with a sister in a beautiful place!
@Kristen,
All true, but I stand by what I said :).
My husband worked in Jax for 12 years and lived 9 of those years in an upstairs apartment of a 1904 house occupied by his friendly landlord, in the historic district of Fernandina Beach. He loved the neighborhood and the history, and we loved to visit him! It was such a pleasure to return there this week.
What a lovely first thankfulness about words and what you have accomplished! Thank you for sharing that.
This week I am thankful:
• We accepted an offer on our house! Our house has been on the market for two months (not the best time of year to sell a house) and we were getting frustrated but at this time next month we will be in our new home!
• Yesterday my office hosted lunch from a local black owned restaurant and hosted a clothing drive for a local charity. I appreciate that our IDEAS committee hosts events each month to connect us to our community and celebrates a variety of cultures. The restaurant was also new to me so I was excited to try something new.
• During one of our showings this week I went over to our new house to check on the carpet that was just laid. I happened to be to see the most beautiful sunset from our new living room windows and two deer walking in the woods behind the house (excited for that to be our new normal).
• I took one of our dogs to the vet for his shots and he came home with a clean bill of health. He’s 12 years old so leaving the vet with positive news is always good. He also loves going to the vet – he’s a pit bull and most places we go people are hesitant about his presence, but the staff at the vet jump at the chance to give him pets.
@Geneva, yay on the offer on the house and yay for not having to show the house anymore. I hate showings!
@Geneva, congratulations on selling your house!!
Thankful for your blog. Gives me daily encouragement. (HUGS)
I am so thankful that I also had a mild cold. I credit this shorter-than-normal-cold duration to some Umcka Cold + Flu I took. I try to pick it up when it is on sale and I think it really does work. Therefore, I am also thankful that there was a sale on Umcka on vitacost so I could replenish our stores. I am thankful my husband works at home and that my kids are homeschooled and that the worst day of the cold hit on a day in which we didn't have anywhere we needed to be. I'm endlessly thankful for the library as we homeschool. I am thankful for comfy pants. I am also really thankful that the meal I made to last us two dinners looks as if it will last us three. And I'm thankful for the longer days too! It's so nice to get an earlier walk in and not have to worry about the dark. It's chilly, but it feels like spring is around the corner.
Shout it to the skies, Kristen, and we will say "hear, hear!"
Really, all of your part-time jobs paved the way for your family to live well. But your blog is the capstone, allowing you to get out of an untenable situation (no small feat!) and, at the same time, creating a whole community. You raise us all up.
Consider these enormous strides for a moment.
Beautiful post—women who have spent the majority of their adult lives tending to children can end up financially unstable when marriages break down, and that’s so wrong. You should definitely be proud of yourself that you have carved out a successful career in writing!
@OregonGuest, and on the other hand, women are more likely to pay child support and alimony. We have reached a level of some equality.
The main way you know whether or not you included salt before you taste the bread is that salt keeps it from rising too high. When I forgot salt in bread, it rose so high that it burned where it touched the top of the oven.
THANKFULS:
The intense green of February where I live.
Daffodils all around my yard.
The hope of planting tomatoes in February. (NUTSO - Did I really do that??)
The privilege of knowing someone who almost made it to 101 with a full productive life until just the last 5 months.
Kindle books and books from Libby.
Hmm let's see.
Thankful that some people actually do get My joking. My wife said to me recently that I have a very straightforward way of speaking and in joking so some people will not understand when I'm joking.
Thankful that work has been very accommodating with me lately as I deal with a few medical things.
Thankful that while we lost the house we bid on (by a lot) that I am sitting on a no mortgage house already. So no real urgency.
Thankful that my daughter has some "real" friends outside of school. A lot of her school friends can be a bit exclusionary of her for various reasons. They don't hate her or anything but they hang out together and not invite her.
Thankful for the quiet and easy times. They aren't something that happens often but I enjoy them.
@Battra92,
Good to see you back in the Commentariat! It's unfortunate that you missed out on the new house, but to me, that just means it wasn't the right house right now.
Hoping your medical issues resolve quickly.
There is an author I knew who had a rough childhood. And she said I wrote myself out of that situation.
I never forgot this.
@karen,
That reminds me of Jeannette Wells (author of The Glass Castle, and Half Broke Horses). Her childhood was really rough. Her writing is tremendous.
@Liz B., to listen to Jeannette read The Glass Castle is a real treat! I love that book.
Kristen, I am thankful for your lovely observation this morning about the worth of your work. (((Hugs)))
The folks who bought my late brother's hoarded property found our family photo album and are returning it to me, after I had resigned myself to it being lost forever.
After a year in which the oldest three of our six rescued dogs and cats passed away of long illnesses, the remaining fur crew and the new pup are robustly healthy. Their exuberant play soothes my heart.
For myself, great reports from two medical specialists. For my husband, so thankful that he's seeing good results from a medication change for his diabetes.
Thank you for your words, Kristen. I have done a social media detox, limited how I spend my online time but your blog has stayed because it has a positive impact on my life. <3
And you kept all of us here with your words!
This week, I'm particularly thankful for my Yaktrax, the "chain tires" that I put over my footwear. I wouldn't have been able to walk outside this past week without them. We finally had some beautiful snow but the resulting icy sidewalks and roads were a nightmare. My friend's daughter fell and broke both of her wrists and her tailbone.
I'm not usually one for reading memoirs, but I like Maggie Smith and I may make an exception. Thanks for putting it on my radar.
Thankful for sunshine! For my daughter's healthy well-check at the doctor's office. Her physician is interested in her as a whole person and has been a joy to work with all these years. For the scope of my esophagus last week that showed no problems (whew). For relief from an increased dosage level of my medication. And did I mention sunshine??? 🙂
This one is a very easy read; it's all short, poetic snippets. You won't get bogged down!
This will seem to be a repeat of many already posted this morning. Here it goes!
*Spring - flowers, fresh plantings, swelling buds, birds - so many birds. We are on Turkey Vulture alert right now, they always arrive in the valley the same week as the humming birds.
* A well stocked larder.
* Clear nights to stargaze
* puppy that is finally figuring out who is a stranger and who is a friend. I actually received a phone call from the neighbor who walks up our field lane and she gave a "progress report" for the dog. Too funny.
* My mom who is in the middle stages of dementia, is enjoying our read aloud
stories in the evening. She is still reading herself, but has no comprehension. She often shares that she is 7 and laughs.
*Rainbows - this time of year is resplendent with bright rainbows.
@Blue Gate Farmgirl, I found my mother's "can read, can't comprehend" stage disconcerting. I will make a brief stand on the soap box and state forcing a person to "remain alive" with dementia is cruel and inhumane. Especially when I knew for a fact that she would have rather ended it sooner than later. Her mother died when she aspirated on her own vomit due to az/dementia. I have a list of things I do each day, hoping like hades that I recognize any sign of this sh*t deal. And end it myself. Dad took care of mom at home till the blessed end. And it took a toll on all of us, despite almost a dozen family members to help.
How do you stay focused when your life feels overwhelmed with financial and parenting issues? Everything I do seems to to make matters worse. I feel I will never get rid of my credit card debt and I am so disappointed in myself that I let the balances get so high. I would like to retire in 6 years but that does not seem possible.
Aww, I am so sorry to hear that you are in a tough spot. I'll add this to the next Q&A post because I think it deserves a more thorough answer than I can give in a comment.
I think you have every right to feel proud and a bit defiant about providing income to support yourself. You may not have started your blog to bring in income, but I believe God led you to this knowing that in the future it would give you freedom to leave what became an unhealthy relationship. You have handled all that has been thrown at you with so much grace. I appreciate how you share the good, the bad, and the ugly while still modeling thankfulness.
My Thankfuls this week; 1) I get to spend the weekend with my youngest and see Toby Mac in concert!! Have been looking forward to this all winter, and now it is here!! 2)My dear friend is recovering from a very serious stroke. She was treated in the critical first hours, and has regained much of what was lost. Such a blessing. 3) Our shower redo /remodel is almost complete!! 4) Another friend is going to counseling. It is very hard to get into a counselor in our area. I am praying that seeing a counselor brings her many healthy outcomes. 5) My oldest turns 25 on Monday, and our God daughter turns ONE on Tuesday! Lots to celebrate.
Everyone have a wonderful week!
Kristen, this post is incredible. I don't often post a comment but I was moved to do it today. Your journey through an incredibly painful time has been shared with such grace, sensitivity, and humility. I respect the way you have handled this in a public forum immensely and I hope that you are truly proud of how far you have come on this journey and how much you have accomplished.
While I am sorry that you have experienced so much adversity, you are coming out the other side inspiring many along the way. It's clear that you are blessing countless others through this trial and that His hand is in this.
I wish you nothing but the best in the future and I'm cheering you on from the sidelines. I suspect you will discover that many of us are. Well done!
KRISTEN! You should be proud! I am so proud of you!! You are such an encouragement to me to know and find my worth. <3 I could go on and on but please know I am proud of you and think you should absolutely be proud of yourself.
I'm a little late to the party here, but:
Thankful for a brilliantly sunny and warm day here yesterday, which enabled me to get out, do one necessary errand and some enjoyable thrifting, and even savor a $5 haddock sandwich from our local Fish Company at its outdoor picnic table.
Thankful that I've handed my 2023 tax paperwork over to our longtime tax preparer. (That was the necessary errand.) And thankful to both the preparer and her office receptionist for their kind concern for me after learning of DH's passing. Although my tax situation is now simple enough that I could probably use TurboTax or some such thing from now on, I'll probably stick with this firm, for this and other reasons.
Not thankful about Bailey dog's mom's current situation (see my comment of yesterday), but thankful that I can be helpful to her. And thankful that she's starting to feel comfortable reaching out for help.
Not thankful that my cell phone has been down for the last five hours (apparently Consumer Cellular, my carrier, and other carriers have been having widespread problems today). But thankful that this is a non-life-threatening, first-world problem.
@A. Marie,
When I read your worthy posts, I often wish I had a neighbor like you.
@Erika JS,
Same here. We have some lovely neighbors, but they are pretty "hands off".
@A. Marie, most of the non "big carriers" piggyback off other carriers - somewhat of a parasitic situation.
You should be so proud of your words Kristen! They have motivated me during hard times and I am thankful for them!
It's pretty grey and miserable here and I still have the end of a cold, but I am thankful for fun people to work with.
You have done so many beautiful things with this blog, Kristen! I'm glad that you can see it.
This week I'm thankful:
* that my son's fractured elbow healed well. The elbow looks good, the growth plate looks good, and he can freely play now!
* for a much better week. I was getting mentally bogged down for a couple of weeks there, but Saturday helped lift me out of it.
* for the anticipation that comes with fun events. My brother, my husband, and I are going a couple of hours away to go to a comedy show this weekend and I've been able to look forward to it for a long time - which is a great mood booster! And since it's not our first time going to a show together, I don't have any anxiousness wondering what a comedy club will be like. Also, knowing that I'm going to start planting seeds soon makes me really happy!
* for my best friends. One of them took my youngest kid swimming while I was at the doctor with my son earlier this week. The other is bringing her kids over tomorrow since school got cancelled and she has to work. We take care of each other and it's beautiful.
Your words have kept me here since almost the beginning of your blogging journey. I reference you as, “my friend.” Thanks for writing. I appreciate you.
Kristin, You should be very very proud of your achievement in using your words to keep you in your home. When woman rightly congratulate themselves out loud, society "says" "Don't Boast! Know Your PLace." in the meantime, men often celebrate anything and anything. YES! You are doing great!
It is a blessing that we live at a time when men and women can earn an income in various ways online (and I refer to the healthy ones, not the sites with stuff that gets individuals into all kinds of trouble).
So many of today's young people are very compassionate and kind. Story: A close friend had a stroke recently and while she was in the hospital, every day, several times a day, the friends of her son (unasked by him or her) just showed up at the hospital to keep her company, to help her with anything, to bring her food. She was deeply touched by this as although she knows them, they don't have a lot of interaction except when they are at her and her son's home for various things (She's hosted dinners and events for them along with her son.)
These kids are not too cool to be polite, to care and to show it. Glad you have Zoe's friends as well. I've never believed kindness, compassion and good manners were generational. You either embody these things and live them or you don't. Age isn't the issue. (Entitlement exists at EVERY age, albeit for perhaps different reasons. Same with bad manners and rudeness.)
It is so wonderful to see you on this journey because it does inspire us. You are stronger than perhaps you knew or imagined. There is nothing easy or simple about any divorce. But you've not only kept going with the basics, you've started a major change in your life. You have to give yourself credit for this. Because you deserve it! (Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you wouldn't have pursued nursing or been able to, if you were not now on your own?)
@Irena, these kids were either raised right or are good people despite their upbringing.
Your journey is so different from mine, but I so enjoy reading about your adventures. You handle and describe so many things with grace. You are independent and resourceful and I am in awe of what you are doing with your life.
I am thankful for my family: my husband who enjoys his job and is full of adventure and planning when he is not working. For my daughter who struggled so much in high school and is now a university graduate who is finding her way and passion in life. For my son, who breezed through high school and is finally challenged at university and for the joy of watching him embrace a new sport (Cheer!....he is a 6-foot-tall flyer. so exciting).
I am grateful that I work at a hospital that encourages and embraces growth and development....I am moving to a new branch of nursing and I am terrified and excited.
It is shaping up to be a fun and exciting summer!!
Thanksgiving. What an incredibly thoughtful post. We are, indeed proud of how you have handled this tough life situation with quiet grace and reality. And this trial has been used in the life of others. And while you could have been disrespectful to the guilty party, you have not been. And while we'd like to come at the guilty party with a club, we have not. Nor with vitriolic comments as is so often done on social media.
I am thankful for our Master Gardener group. Aside from church, this bunch of people is my favorite. We are working to educate to all who will listen the importance of pollinators in our community and how to benefit them by providing food, water and shelter. To change our thinking on good insects vs bad insects and the harm it causes to good insects by trying to eradicate the bad. To expound upon the need for native vs nonnative plants to provide sustenance.
I am thankful for the warmer weather, for the little snowdrops and tete-tete daffs and hyacinths poking their leaves through the ground. For my houseplants that thrive on so much neglect, but clean my indoor air anyway.
I am thankful for being able to work with a growing and improving workforce. COVID did a number in our type of place. But thanks be to God, we have some mature, caring aides that have been added. I tell you, it is a miracle.
I’m thankful for the reminder from you to be thankful for my husband, who has always been my biggest cheerleader and who did not blink when events of a few years ago brought me local notoriety and even some national recognition in a niche field.
Also thankful for good colleagues, for weekly facetime chats with my sisters who live far away, for good health despite several chronic conditions, and for my senior bus pass that allowed me to take the bus for $.25 yesterday when I needed to pick up the car from the mechanic.
This week I am thankful for:
1) hugs from cousins! My daughter finally met her cousins on my side of the family.
2) Family pictures. Last year my siblings and I bought a photo shoot and promised my parents that we would all gather for family pictures. (It's been a long time since the last pics and there have been a few additions to the family tree.)
3. coffee
4. hand-me-down clothes. My daughter has six older female cousins and we got a bunch of cute clothing this week.
5. naps at the new daycare. My daughter started at a smaller daycare and is finally able to get a long afternoon nap. It is fun to be able to spend time with a well-rested baby in the evening.
Thankful for:
1. my little sister (now 62!). We are totally different so probably would not have been friends so am thankful we are sisters because she brings so much brightness to my life.
2. my stepsister from crazy step mother #1. After 40 years, five years ago she got in touch. It is nice to have someone who validates your memories, since there were times I wondered if I was exaggerating things in my mind.
3. Our 8 month old Great Dane rescue. I have missed having a giant breed dog since our Irish wolfhounds died, and could not believe that we got a pure bred from the pound. He is so large already, having gained weight so is at 150 now, and over 6 foot when stretched out, that I have to work to remind myself he is still a puppy. 150 pounds of slobbering love.
4. favorite authors who continue to publish the next book in their various series. I do wish they all wrote faster!
5. the husband, always the husband. I never thought anyone could ever love me for long, as I am rather a pain, so when I agreed to marry him, I said it would be only for two years. I wanted him to be able to leave without guilt. I refused to wear a wedding band, since there was no point in wasting the money. On our second anniversary, his gift was a wedding ring. I wear it still.
@Lindsey, that is so beautiful about your husband
I'm thankful for your words. Both your posts and your responses to comments. I think it's extraordinary that you've built a community of people from around the world who gather every weekday to share experiences, insights, and tips, trade jokes and wisecracks, and give each other support and empathy. Really extraordinary. Thank you.
I thought that book was SO good, and I am glad those words spoke to you. Not only did your words provide for you, they are such a source of positivity for all of us lucky readers. Thank you for sharing your words with us.
Kirsten, I'm so thankful for your blog and your thoughtful insights that you share. You're the only one that I still followed after many years.
My Thankfuls
1) Always for my wonderful and loving husband and our three beautiful and healthy girls.
2) That we have medical insurance and emergency funds to pay the bills. Had a couple dental stuff from cavities and tooth issues. Also, additional breast screenings to make sure there's no breast cancer and a major hospital bill for a child that needed stitches and a brace.
3) Crossing off my To Do List. Love getting things done!
You should feel PROUD for what you have achieved and can provide with your words.
I kept us here with words. I love it. You should be so proud. Having your life blown up and having to depend on only yourself is a big deal.
Did you ever think when you began this blog that you would be making a living with it?
One of my friends started a writing group at the senior center to get our memories written for our children. It's been fun. We read it aloud, which then summons the memory of an incident from one of the others. I have not been very good at it. I need to get more serious about it. A group of women, I know, were talking following the death of someone we knew, about our children not knowing what we do, if we accomplished anything of importance....
A member of the extended family died. His wife wrote a beautiful obituary. These people have been in my life since I was born (my brother being 14 yrs older than me), but I did not know a lot of this. Reading it, some of my memories now made sense.
I do hope that you will continue to write.
The thankful part. Our weekly walk on Monday was lovely. When I woke, the outside temperature was 28 degrees. But the sun was out. In areas it was a little breezy but that did disappear. We were able to get our water selfie. There are 7-11 of us who show up on a weekly basis. Our mileage is more important than our time. We point out the art we see in nature--faces on the burls and galls that grow on trees, heart shapes that form when water freezes to ice, cloud formations..... We chat, listen to each other, laugh with each other.