Thankful Thursday | four years ago
(see the last item on this list for the "four years" reference!)
This week, I am thankful:
to still be healthy
It's a rough winter out there, and the patient volume at my hospital reflects that. Luckily, I have not gone down yet, but of course, it's still early. We have another couple of months of Very Germy Season to get through.
Regardless, I'm glad to have made it this far!
for a catch-up call with Lisey
Zoe and I were eating together when we got a call from Lisey, so I put it on speaker and we all got to catch up. Even Chiquita joined. 😉
for beautiful places to walk
How lucky am I to have so many trails with lovely views here??
for a catch-up with my friend
She just got a new job, so she's rather busy too. But we managed to meet up for some tea and croissants. 🙂
that I walked out four years ago
Four years ago on this day, I woke up from a dream that reflected how deeply I no longer wanted to live.
And on that day, I walked out of my marriage, although at the time, I did not understand that that's what I was doing.
My parents had asked if I could at least come to their house for a weekend, for a break, because I was honestly in terrible shape.
I could not stop crying, and I remember walking around in a fog trying to pack a weekend bag. Our bodies often reflect our mental state, and I distinctly recall that I packed in a hunched-over state, unable to stand up tall.
I felt crushed, exhausted, and beaten down, with no hope left, and my posture reflected that.
I left with the idea that I would go back after the weekend, after I'd gotten myself together a little. But then the girls and I got Covid, so we stayed away longer*. And the longer I stayed away, the more clarity I got.
Eventually, I decided I could never go back.
*Notably: being sick at my parents' house, living out of a weekend bag was still WAY better than the way I'd been living, and I felt slivers of hope peeking through the clouds.
The date would have slipped right by me except...when I clocked out of work last night, a friend texted me because she remembered I left my marriage on January 15th.
I was so busy living my new life, I hadn't even noticed. And maybe that is a testament to the rebuilding that has happened these last four years.
I used to wish I could go to sleep and never wake up; now I wake up each day excited to live.
And I am grateful, grateful, grateful.
I am so, so happy you walked out Kristen and that you are so happy now! It seems that getting sick that weekend was almost a blessing in disguise, as it helped bring you clarity (and it says a lot that it was easier being sick at your parents' house). Not that I think it's good you got covid! It's so wonderful seeing you flourish and live your best life with your new job, your girls and your cats!
My thankfuls:
1. I went for a sunrise walk and swim the other morning. It was so beautiful out and although the water was freezing, it was magical swimming through the golden water.
2. I was originally going to go to Florence with my sister. She can no longer come and obviously that is disappointing, but I enjoy going away by myself as well, so the trip hasn't been ruined. I'm thankful that I can still go and I'm sure I'll still have a good time.
3. January is kind of a miserable month but I'm thankful that I went for lunch with a friend the other day and that I'll be seeing another friend tomorrow. Going out bring some light to dark days.
4.....and on a literal note, I'm thankful for my colourful fairylights I have in my apartment!
5. I'm thankful to Past Me for going to the gym yesterday. I'm aiming to do strength training twice a week. I went on Monday and really didn't feel like going yesterday, but I also knew I was unlikely to feel like going today or later in the week, so I went. I decided I could just leave after ten minutes if I wasn't feeling it, but I ended up staying for an hour. I am also thankful to Past Me for cooking dinner last night, despite wanting takeout, so I have easy leftovers to heat up when I get back from work later!
I’m so grateful you are *living* life fully!
Your picture of water isn’t frozen over. That surprised me!
Thankfuls
-This week I started standing up straighter, literally, after years of being hunched by stress.
-I visited friends who go back a long ways (after not seeing them for nearly 3 years) it was life giving.
-financial flexibility to choose high nutrition foods that help me feel good.
-for a warm house (and body that easily adapts to the cold)
-for a long weekend this weekend. This season of frequent breaks is great for my students.
I am grateful you found a new life. You probably have the best "grateful for having Covid" story out there.
I am grateful I am still standing. There are a lot of germs out there but, knock on wood, I am still healthy.
I am grateful for some warmer, and sometimes sunny, days. They were a nice respite.
I am grateful DH and I experienced a brief snow/sleet squall while walking in the woods by a river on Sunday. It was sunny when we started our walk, and sunny by the time we were finished but in between a small squall unleashed some sleet and snow. It was beautiful and it didn't stick to the ground for more than a few minutes so we just enjoyed it. It made me laugh with joy because it was so unexpected and a sight to behold.
While odd to day out loud I am so happy your friend reached out to contact you, to remind you of all you have done and all you are worth! Not many people can look back and remember having covid as such a POSITIVE turning point in their existence.
What a momentous milestone. I kinda love the fact it slipped by you; goes to show how settled and happy you are in your new life!!!
The germs are NOT KIDDING this year. My husband has been sick for almost two weeks. Ugh. So far the rest of us have emerged unscathed. Crossing every finger and toe!
This morning I'm thankful:
- for quick dry fingernail polish (random, but it meant I could do a fresh manicure at the breakfast table.
- finally seeing my bestie after almost three weeks. The holiday season just got away from us and she's coming over for coffee later today.
- my photobook is done. What a relief. It is a HUGE weight lifted as I wanted to get it done but the sheer number of photos always feels overwhelming (it's 314 pages and literally 1,000s of pictures). I was mostly done but then yesterday discovered a 25% coupon so that lit the fire under me to just get it finished. Hooray! The hard work is done and now we just get to anticipate it arriving and looking through it <3
Do you do a photo book yearly or is it a special occasion book? My son turns 40 next month and I am working on a book containing photos from 40 years. Boy is that hard to narrow down!
So happy for you, Kristen, that you were able to see your way to your new life!
As someone who has had those types of feelings (for completely different reasons, thankfully long since gone) I am so pleased for the strength and joy you now have. Long may your upward trajectory continue.
What a difference four years make! So glad that you can wake up eager to start your day!
Chiquita is the cutest- you get her in such cute poses. ( Cats instinctively know how to pose attractively, don't they?)
Thankful
*my son's basketball coach is trying to build a team and not just support for one player.
* my reluctant scholar seems to be handing his new semester. ( at least no emails yet from teachers!) I'm trying to stay back and let him handle it all this semester.
* My daughter wore the CPAP enough to get it paid for by insurance this month. Last night wasn't good, but she'd already gotten the 21 days needed.
* Hot showers, warm cats in the middle of the night, and a sunny day.
This week I’m thankful for:
1. The warmer weather over the past week that melted the snow and ice and made it possible to spend some time outside, walking in my neighborhood and playing with my granddaughter.
2. People who are more outgoing than I am and start conversations with me.
3. My friend, her openness, her enthusiasm, her authenticity.
4. The NYT’s focus groups that help me understand how people with different political views than mine view what’s happening in our country.
5. A line from a book I read this week that has helped me remember to see people’s hearts.
My first thought is that going out with a friend for croissants and tea sounds like the pinnacle of delight. And then I read on. Wanting to live is even better!
This week I am thankful:
*for a week of relative normal.
*that I have chiropractic appointments made for the whole family. Some kids have been begging for a few weeks. We could all use a good tune-up. These appointments will be the first at our new chiropractor for 2 of the kids, and I'm glad we'll finally have them all in after our last chiropractor retired. Shifting healthcare providers isn't easy.
*that yesterday was a good day for flying. My boy got to fly laps around the airport to practice his landings. He's had many a lesson foiled by the wind.
*for those silly, abandoned kittens I didn't want my son to bring home this spring. They are so delightfully silly.
*that I got out of bed early and finished my face therapy before I turned on the computer. Do you have any idea how often the internet delays the start of my day?!
*for the coffee, the kids, the husband, my dad, my in-law's and their quick visit last week, the Commentariat, the dress that came in the mail yesterday because I feel pretty in it! That my friends will be moving closer. That I accomplished a couple of little goals. For motivation. For good books.
I’m grateful you are here and living the happy healthy life you deserve.
I am thankful that I do not have to have a mammogram every six monthes, and the physician is no longer concerned that I could have breast cancer.
Your resiliency throughout all your trials has been astounding, and inspiring! God bless your parents for supporting you and your girls.
Lots to be thankful for today:
--That we got down here to Florida safely. There was a time when we were driving through torrential rain, but at least it was NOT in Atlanta rush hour traffic, and it was daylight. Thankful that we made the decision to stop in Chattanooga and that everyone involved was on board with a slightly longer drive the next day than we'd planned.
--For my friend's house. This is likely the last time we'll be coming down here--future school plans will prevent it--but it's been so lovely to rent a private residence, rather than try to find hotel rooms for a week, or a more expensive rental. Plus being so close to the beach, I'm not sure we could find anything for less in this area!
--For quiet mornings. Lately I've been waking up early (and going to bed at a reasonable time, to balance that out. Yesterday I biked down to a sunrise beach and watch the sun rise over the ocean.
--Like Kristen, I'm also grateful that none of us have come down with any bugs--either before or during this trip. In our nurse aide class, there were three students who were clearly ill but DS#2 and I managed to dodge the germs. I credit our increased handwashing; once you learn how to properly wash your hands, you keep doing it! Yes, I'd been washing my hands, but they drill into you the proper time and technique, so I'm crediting that.
--For hot tea on a rainy cool morning, and oatmeal with coconut and cinnamon.
--For DS#1 and DS#3, who stayed back up north to keep Commodore Fluffington company. While Clark is clearly (from the daily photos I get) grumpy about the reduction in his staff, he is surviving.
That sure is a powerful last thankful. I am thankful on your behalf that you found not only the will to go on living, but a trajectory to make just living into a real, full, and worthy life.
Thankfuls:
--That this week of virtual school is over. Hate it, and so do my kids.
--For the field trip today, which is why the week of actual school is done. They're taking all the students (all 45 . . .) to the nearest pool. That's a two-hour one-way drive, so it's a whole day field trip.
--For an administration that works hard to figure out workarounds and things like this field trip. Partially it's a treat for the kids (and their parents 🙂 )who have been dealing with all these curve balls, but also it counts as an in-person school day. The state has a limit on the number of days we can be virtual.
--For a new friend of just the last couple of years, a person it never occurred to me would be a friend but who has been very important to me in these past couple of years that have featured a lot of challenges for me.
--That those challenges really have forced me into some personal growth that probably would not have happened otherwise. A very painful process, and probably not done, but I can already see the good that will come out of that pain.
How good of your parents to take care of you and provide a safe space. I'm thankful for the healthier and happier spot you're in now!
This week I'm thankful:
* for the flexibility of my part-time job. I took it with the condition of "if the kids are off school, I'm off" and even though I feel like I'm bailing and don't like it, I'm thankful to be able to be home with my kids for their second Snow Day Thursday in a row. ("Dear Lord, PLEASE let them go to school next Thursday!") I'm also thankful that I enjoy the work and miss it when I can't do it.
* for a beautiful property to watch the snow fall on. As I walked my dog down to the mailbox last night, I marveled at how pretty the snow looked falling on the big pine trees across the street.
* for the progress on the addition to our house. We're getting ready to cut holes in a couple of walls this weekend to connect the existing house to the new part. This week I've been picking out flooring and paint colors (not my gifting, not my favorite thing to do, but I'm thankful that we're at that stage) and it's getting closer!
* for my sweet kids and thoughtful husband. My husband and my son have an item that they've started taking turns hiding for the other to find (like in the sleeve of his winter coat, or between the sheet and mattress pad on his side of the bed) and it's a lot of fun to watch. I'm not always very good at being the fun parent, so I'm thankful when my husband can fill that role.
So thankful that you are in a much healthier situation now, Kristen! Proud of you and so happy for you!
Other thankfuls...
- I got to spend the whole day hanging out with my mom yesterday before the craziness of the spring semester starts.
- Beyond the planned day visit with my mom, my week is so very *packed* (with work and other activities, even though my grad class doesn't start till next week). I think my calendar has ten evening commitments in a row! But, some margin opened up in today's schedule, so I'm grateful for the unexpected break.
- Thankful that my body is still healthy/strong enough to continue playing competitive sports.
- Thankful that January is about half done. It's my least favorite month, lol.
- Thankful for our sweet dog who loves to snuggle!
You are an impressive woman!!! So glad you are living your best life. You have persevered! I am continually inspired at how you have rebuilt your life. Well done!
Kristen: I join in what everyone else has said about your last and biggest thankful. Along with the others, I'm glad you were able to leave, glad for everything you've accomplished these past 4 years, and glad you're doing so well (and sharing it with us all on this wonderful blog) today.
My own biggest thankful today is that CF's and my visit yesterday to the assisted living facility we're considering for NDN1 went very well indeed. If we can make our plan for her work anywhere, we both think we can make it work here. The big "If," of course, will be getting NDN1 to agree to the move. We agreed with the staff that we'll start by bringing her to lunch at the facility later in January, in place of her regular Friday lunch with CF at a local Panera. (This Friday is being devoted to a slightly late celebration of NDN1's 87th birthday.)
And I too am grateful that I haven't yet caught any of this year's bugs. I credit a full round of age-appropriate vaccines, regular handwashing and use of hand sanitizer, and a daily dose of echinacea--though perhaps winter weather that's kept me more in than out should also get points.
How incredibly moving. You've done so well. Congrats on making the hard choice to save yourself. You are an inspiration.
I don't usually comment but your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm also going through something right now that makes me not want to go on but your words have given me some hope. Thank you.
I am so happy for your new life. You are brave and inspiring.
I'm grateful, too.
It seems like yesterday, the post with you not wearing but holding your wedding ring. And I distinctly felt you were almost asking for a seal of approval (you mentioned the step was endorsed by your pastor and your psychologist if I recall). Whereas every post for the last 10 years shows you are mindful of what you do and why you do it. I am very happy that you have more self confidence now.
This week I am thankful for my own life lessons. And thankful also that covid did teach me a bit about myself and my needs and those of my family (cat included). We live at a slower pace now but make sure to have plenty of "friends and loved ones" time.
Finally, I am thankful to see the first tulip leaves peeping through the last snow. I think this is such a promising month, nature preparing the leaves and flowers that we will marvel at later in the year. A bit like an early pregnancy I suppose!
All the HUGS, Kristen.
Wishing you all the best on this anniversary!
For this day, if you have time, I think you would appreciate the song "I'm Here" by Cynthia Erivo (from The Color Purple musical)
Over the last 4 years, you have created a new life for yourself. It has been inspirational to your readers. I am thankful you shared, and I wish for you much future happiness.
I loved that Chiquita joined in on the call. Calico Kitty, who recently passed, used to "talk" on the phone to my son. When he called I put my phone on speaker, she would run from the other room and meow at him for a while.
It has been a challenging week. I have a rather difficult sister, but I am so thankful for DH who helped me sort through the most recent difficult problem of her creation. She has always bullied me a bit, and I am thankful that I finally learned to "fight" back. It only took 6 decades.
I am thankful for blue skies and sunshine on a chilly morning, a delicious cup of coffee, and the beautiful day that lays ahead.
Wishing you all the blessings of peace, good health, and prosperity.
Congrulations, I also left a trouble marriage 20 years ago, the best most important thing I ever did for me.
Kristen, four years ago, you chose yourself. You listened to that quiet, brave truth inside you and took a step that changed everything. What you’ve built since then is nothing short of remarkable.
My thankfuls are all related to having a sick grandchild:
1. I'm thankful that my job is so flexible about me taking off. I got a call from our daughter an hour after I got to work to let me know that grandson had just thrown up at daycare and needed to be picked up. She had just called back her first patient of the day, so Nana left work and raced to pick him up.
2. I'm thankful that I was able to dig through the closet, twice, to find our daughter a shirt to put on after he threw up on her. She is much, much, smaller than I am!
3. I'm thankful to have a working washer and dryer at my house. I did 3 loads of laundry of things that got dirty from his sickness.
4. I'm thankful I had already planned to make dinner for our daughter and grandson, so I was prepared for them, SIL, and our son to all have dinner at our house.
5. I'm thankful that after a rough day, grandson did not throw up all night. Hopefully it was just a 12-hour bug.
Sometimes - often - distance gives clarity. It's why, when one ends a relationship or makes a big move in some way and the sadness and fear / anxiety kicks in, it's best to not contact the ex even just for a few days, to not plan a trip ''home'' too soon, because your head and body need to catch up with the change and start to feel what they really feel...
And so you did! Terrifying at the time, well done to your parents for keeping a reasonable head and not doing what they must have dearly wanted to do, namely, arrive with the cavalry, scoop you up and save you, even if they had to drag you, but rather letting you just be and process and hang out and talk / not talk.
That’s the happiest Covid story ever!
1. I’m very thankful that I haven’t caught the ‘flu yet. Here’s hoping I won’t. I’m also thankful that only one of my daughter’s 4 kids got it. That’s almost a miracle, that it didn’t tear through the whole family. It’s been over a week and so far the others are well.
2. I’m thankful that my boss has offered to let me work as little as I want and he will keep my insurance up until I actually retire.
3. I’m thankful that I found a heat lamp bulb at the hardware store to put in my pump house. We have 23F predicted for tonight. We used to be able to just put a 100 watt incandescent bulb in there but those days are gone.
4. I’m thankful that we have another chance at rain coming up. Our area water management district is asking for voluntary restrictions on water use now. Our last rain did almost nothing at my house.
5. I’m thankful for a working heat pump and insulation in my house. I grew up in uninsulated houses in the upper south and for many of those years with a coal furnace that cooled down at night. I don’t miss that. I always laugh (wryly) at the furnace scenes in “A Christmas Story”.
You have come so far in four years! I love reading your blog because you find joy and contentment in the smallest of things, and I want to be more like that!
I am grateful this morning for waking up in a warm home. It's cold outside for us in the deep south today. I want to be more conscious of being thankful and grateful for the things we seem to take for granted so easily.
Praying you stay germ-free this flu season!
This post resonated with me and has sparked a lot of thoughts on the topic of change and time.
Four years is both a long time and a short time. People can become paralyzed by the fear of how long it will take to reach their new goals. Your example illustrates perfectly that time will continue to pass, whether we take a step forward or not.
People naturally resist change, sticking to what feels familiar and stable, even when it becomes unbearable. External factors, (in your case, the pandemic) will thrust change on us when we are unable to make that move ourselves.
I don't think any of us can top your four-year thankful post! So happy for you. We've gotten to see you blossom over these past years. It has been a marvelous thing to behold. Like the old Virginia Slims commercials used to say, "You've come a long way, baby, to get where you've got to, today!" Congratulations.
Today, I'm thankful for:
--getting to sleep last night without being congested despite having cedar fever allergies.
--somehow getting through the 5-hour work shift, standing on my feet the whole time, despite back pain. (I go to the chiropractor today, and it's also my day off.)
--Having a day off today. Yipee!
--Getting my computer to sorta kinda work again, even though I need to switch it out.
--Snuggles, my dog. He's been very loving -- even more than usual-- these past few days. I think he knows I'm sick. Oh, and he's starting to bark at passers-by and postmen, just like Miss Lucy Dog used to do. That makes me feel extra safe.