Thankful Thursday | cynicism vs. hopefulness
Man...James Clear has been sharing so many quotes lately that are relevant to Thankful Thursday! He had another great one recently, which is a little long but so good (from Nick Cave, an Australian writer)
"Cynicism is not a neutral position — and although it asks almost nothing of us, it is highly infectious and unbelievably destructive. In my view, it is the most common and easy of evils. I know this because much of my early life was spent holding the world and the people in it in contempt. It was a position both seductive and indulgent...
Unlike cynicism, hopefulness is hard-earned, makes demands upon us, and can often feel like the most indefensible and lonely place on Earth. Hopefulness is not a neutral position either. It is adversarial. It is the warrior emotion that can lay waste to cynicism. Each redemptive or loving act, as small as you like... keeps the devil down in the hole. It says the world and its inhabitants have value and are worth defending. It says the world is worth believing in. In time, we come to find that it is so."
This reminds me a little of what I wrote back in 2022 about how a soft heart can make you more resilient, not less. Soft is strong.
And I like how this quote frames hopefulness as something with a backbone, with muscle; a defiant fight against the pull of cynicism.
This resonates with me because I often refer to gratefulness practices as something akin to exercising a muscle. We exercise our muscles of hopefulness, gratefulness, and optimism so that they are strong for the fight. 🙂
This week, I am thankful:
that my minivan is coming in so handy
I helped Sonia get all moved to her college home, where she will spend the next two years with her roommates. And although we did load up a large U-Haul for her and her friends, we also stuffed my van full of boxes and bags.
that she can still use all the furniture I painted for her
Over the years, I painted a whole bunch of free/secondhand furniture for her room, and her friends and I loaded it all up in the U-Haul and moved it into her new place.
It makes my heart happy that the pieces I poured so many hours into are still serving her well.
But I am not gonna lie; that enormous free wooden Thomasville bookshelf that I got is a terrible beast to move. I am so very grateful she wanted it on the first floor of her home. Ha.
Crouton the orange cat made the move with her, of course!
I think he was having fun exploring all the interesting new surroundings. 🙂
that I have some gym muscles
I have been doing gym workouts consistently for over a year now, and I was so grateful for that on moving day.
I moved lots of furniture by pairing up with one of her six-foot-tall friends, and I was holding my own pretty respectably. 🙂
Full disclosure: I was definitely sore the next day. But I know it would have been way worse without my workouts! And I know I wouldn't have been able to lift as much.
that I actually don't have to do chemistry and ethics this summer
As you know, I'm starting my online BSN program in the fall, and I was under the impression I had to knock out what is basically a CLEP credit for those two before classes started.
But I learned this week that I can do them anytime before I finish my BSN. YAYYYY!
That means I can just focus on studying for my NCLEX, and I don't have to try to quickly squeeze those credits in on top of my new nurse job, which starts in August.
I am so very relieved. Whewwww.
that I love my coworkers
I'm working 12-hour shifts for 4/6 days (first one yesterday) and I was reminded again how much I love my coworkers. And how much my social self enjoys having co-workers. It's a fun change from being a solo self-employed person for so long!
for snuggle-bug cats
They both willingly choose to snuggle up on the regular. 🙂
I'm thankful
* my son passed both his summer school classes and got them done early. Hopefully this means he can graduate high school on time.
*there was plenty of rain and sunshine this spring, so all the trees and plants are lush and vibrant.
I have to admit, I'm not big on the word "hope". It seems very passive to me. At least a lot if people seem to use it to cast responsibility away from themselves. "Despair is a free man; hope is a slave."
But the version of hope in the quote you cited seems more active.
@mbmom11, I think there's a difference between passive hope and hope as a means for motivation. It reminds me of a Jewish saying I read about (I am not Jewish, so if I am incorrect with this anyone is welcome to correct me) that it's not enough just to say 'thoughts and prayers' - you have to take action as well, otherwise the thoughts and prayers are incomplete.
@Sophie in Denmark,
I think that the Jewish saying you quoted is absolutely true. Every time there is a school shooting tragedy here in the U.S., the politicians say their thoughts and prayers are with the victims' families -- and most people, esp. those in the affected communities, are getting sick and tired of hearing that. It's to the point they feel it is hypocritical to say that, and that it is a phony phrase is made up of empty words. I've seen signs to the effect of 'we don't need your thoughts and prayers, we need you to take action.' or ...'we need stricter laws' and such.
@Sophie in Denmark,
I think words are empty without action would be an accurate paraphrase. I'm definately no Jewish but have heard similar but can't say exactly for sure.
@Fru-gal Lisa, Yup. The guns situation in the US absolutely boggles me. There was a school shooting in Scotland when I was a kid and laws tightened almost instantly.
@Sophie in Denmark, speaking as a Jew: The idea is a central concept in our religion. The saying in Hebrew is: "ein emunah bli ma'asim" (no faith without action). ie. You can’t just sit back and say, “I hope things get better.” Judaism says: Get up, and make them better. We believe that faith is not a private or purely internal matter. Belief is only meaningful if it expresses itself in how you live, how you treat others, and how you take responsibility for the world. That’s why there’s such a strong emphasis on action — not just belief, not just prayer.
- Speaking from a particularly tense day in Israel ...
@Talia, Thank you for the clarification. I hope Israel and Palestine are able to find peace.
@Sophie in Denmark, May I add validation to this idea from a Christian viewpoint? A lot of people forget that the first Christians were Jewish, and the modern church that is alive to the scriptures also teaches that actions are vital. My minister often reminds us to be the gospel, only rarely with words.
@Kristina, love your reminder. Thank you
This post reminded me of how I was the #1 mover for my kids, even into my 60's. I definitely have limitations, but I feel strong and capable. Even so, a little weight lifting wouldn't hurt me! Also, I need to refocus my daily journaling back to gratitude. It really does make all the difference. Today's gratitude:
*my nails are growing gangbusters! I should paint them.
*Sold some things on Ebay to further clean out and streamline my jewelry box, and I had everything I needed to do that
*thankful for the rain we've been getting and some milder summer heat
*a good night's sleep, which I never take for granted, is something I'm grateful for
Happy Thursday!
I approve of all the cat pictures!
1. I am thankful for a fun weekend away. I went to a different city in Denmark and went to some fantastic museums (my favourite was an open air history museum) and generally enjoyed a change of scene!
2. I am also thankful for building strength. I can deadlift 42 kg now (I think that's around 80 lb). I went to the gym yesterday and then for a run, and I am so grateful the physical strength in my body.
3. My father has injured his arm but I am thankful that he is doing okay.
4. I am thankful for progress in handling anxiety.
5. I am thankful that I live in a country where I can protest without the National Guard being called in!
@Sophie in Denmark, 42 kg is more than 90lbs. Go you!!!
@WilliamB, Thanks!!!
@Sophie in Denmark, I'm thankful for Sophie in Denmark's posts! I always look forward to reading them.
@JDinNM, Aw, thank you! That made my day!
@JDinNM, me too!
@JDinNM, Yes, me too!
@ErikaJS, and @PD, you guys are too kind!
@Sophie in Denmark, No. 5 is absolutely uncalled for.
@Anne, I wasn't trying to be flippant. People should have the right to protest without being threatened.
@Sophie in Denmark, thankful you have protests free of molotov cocktails,cunderblocks and bricks
@Brendalynne, My argument is that protesters should not be threatened by the government.
Very good quotes. I personally find it exhausting to be cynical--it's a little like C.S. Lewis described being an atheist--he had to constantly battle to mentally reject and disprove things all the time, to keep his worldview, but when he came back to Christianity, he was able to see that all the faiths out there had something in common and were 'close' to the truth.
I am very thankful this week that DS#4 is recovered so well from his oral surgery--he had four wisdom teeth extracted and two premolars taken out to make room for orthodontia. He had a small fever over the weekend, which the oncall doctor dismissed and said "it will get worse" (what?) but we gave him sublingual xylitol and if there was an infection brewing, that knocked it out.
I'm thankful I only missed 2 questions on my first A&P II lab exam--scuttlebutt is the lab exams are tougher than the lecture exams, but I know I nailed all the bone questions.
I'm thankful that DS#2 seems excited about the prospect of taking his nurse aide training class this fall--we won't be taking it together, and that's fine, it's practical and not academic. I'm mostly helping him with the academic (studying) side of school.
@Karen A.,
Interesting re CS Lewis. For me, as an atheist, the burden of proof falls on the believer. Basically, prove to me why I should believe something with zero factual evidence and tons of contradictory evidence, so direct opposite view from the one CS Lewis came to.
@Caro, I'm agnostic rather than atheist but it really frustrates me how everyone (generally) is fine with believers saying they know there is a god, but take issue with atheists saying they know there is not!
@Caro, And that is a perfectly legitimate view! I am probably interpreting what I read differently than others might. I remember he mentioned feeling like he needed to find arguments against faith, but I can see the other way of thinking as well.
@Karen A., I've been called a cynical @$$H more than once in my life. I do wonder if people think that I choose to be this way but the fact is, a lot of stuff out there is really terrible, especially when you peek behind the curtain and see why it is happening.
For me, I tend to find that the idea of Total Depravity (which often gets lobbed solely on Calvinists but it has its roots in Paul's Epistle to the Romans, Thomas Aquinas, St Augustine of Hippo etc. and even Luther and Calvin seemed to see eye to eye on it. It's not that humans can't do good things (we are Created in the Image of God after all) but our natural inclination to me seems to go toward the bad so it's a struggle to do the unselfish acts or to see the good in everything.
The best example I've ever seen of how this can feel is the episode of South Park where everything Stan looks at appears to look like poop to him. It's exhausting but for a lot of us, there's no way for us to turn our brains off and just have everything look rosy.
I do for sure agree that there is terribleness all over in the world. But for me, hopefulness is believing that I can make a difference in my little sphere of influence, even in the midst of the terribleness.
If I believe I can make no difference, then I will be immobilized, and I think that's the thrust of the quote. Cynicism freezes us, but hopefulness helps to mobilize us.
The evils in the world at large are too big for me to solve or fix, but I can still use my time and energy to make things better around me. And the more people that do that, the less terrible the world will be. 🙂
@Karen A.,
Sublingual xylitol? I've never heard of that being used to prevent/treat infection, but then, there's lots of things I don't know. Ha. I'm glad it helped your son!
@Liz B., It helps that we have a plethora of active and retired nurses in the Commentariat. I may never have to go to a doctor again!
@Battra92, lol lol lol! And cynics are so clever and make me laugh.
Maybe if optimists weren’t charging and making money off their mumble jumble I could be less cynical?
A pure cynic believes that no one is doing anything for honorable reasons, so even if no one was making money, I believe a cynic would still believe an optimist was living for some kind of selfish reason. A cynic could believe an optimist is just trying to look good, for example.
I will also point out that people make money from selling cynicism and bad news; I'd venture to guess those are more profitable than optimism and good news, based on how new networks choose to cover events.
@Liz B., Yes, it also saved my DH from a bacterial infection that had gotten into his bone. Apparently xylitol looks just like tasty sugar to bacteria, but when they eat it, they have to burn more energy to digest it than they get from eating it, so they die and can't reproduce. It also prevents biofilm from developing on teeth. We had DS#3 use xylitol for a few months leading up to his wisdom tooth extraction, and the dentist said he'd never seen a cleaner mouth.
@Battra92, Believe me, I get that everyone is hardwired differently. I can easily fall into cynicism! I read some research that showed our brains react to holding onto grudges the same way they react when they get opiates--our brains can actually get addicted to negativity!
I also tend to think we see more bad news, and human badness, mostly because we do have what's called a "negative bias." Humans are more drawn to reading about bad news or disasters because our brains want to be aware of danger to keep us safe. Hence, the negative bias. And the news cycle likes to present what we'll read and click on more readily, so more bad stuff than good gets reported. So I don't read the news hardly at all. That's helped a lot. I remember as a kid, we didn't have a 24/7 news cycle; we read the newspaper in the evening (or also in the morning, if you got morning and evening papers) and watched the news at night. That was it. The rest of the day was spent..living. But now there's a 24/7 news cycle and we feel compelled to keep up with it. Maybe I'm being an ostrich, but it's better for my mental health. DH keeps abreast of news that affects his job--he's a government employee--so I hear about stuff, I'm not ignorant, but I don't deep dive into it.
I hope there are some good people in your life, and you can see some good around you.
@Caro,
Although I respect your point of view, I think it is up to each of us to decide our own truth. Faith does not require concrete proof. Some things that exist in only the human heart and spirit are simply a mystery.
@JDinNM,
Yes! So thankful for all of the medical members of the Commentariat, working and retired. (Thsnkful for Kristen and *everyone* in the Commentariat, but as a medical person myself, I appreciate reading everyone's advice, opinions, etc.)
@Karen A.,
Amazing! I'm so glad it helped your DH, too. And now I'm a little annoyed that my dentist had never mentioned this to me regarding the biofilm issue?!? I will definitely ask her next time I'm in for a check up. Thank you!
@Battra92,
......aaaaand, now I have to watch that episode of South Park. 🙂
@Liz B., My third son used to get cavities regularly, but since making xylitol gum a habit (and sometimes tablets sublingually) he hasn't had any. It's pretty neat stuff! You can buy toothpaste with xylitol (Spry) as well. The gum we get is called Pur gum, and you can find it at Whole Foods, I think, as well as online.
@Karen A., retired journalism teacher here. You are right. Humans find conflict more interesting than calm, so news tends to cover conflict, bizarre events, and the exceptional rather than the ordinary. You can choose media that do less of this, however, and they are easily available! There is a national Amish newspaper that publishes community reports from local "correspondents," a thick publication full of the homiest stories you ever saw. It is very calm reading although it might make you an advocate for stronger farm safety practices.
I think that I am as naturally cynical as I was when I was younger (age has a way of softening lots of things), but I did once accuse my manager of "toxic positivity". She would brook no concerns or opinions about the state of affairs at a company that was quickly becoming a not very nice place to work, to say the least. I know in my mind that hopefulness is good thing, but I can't bring myself to not recognize when things are just - bad.
@bellneice, If I have to choose between toxic positivity and toxic pessimism, I choose ... reality! Or at least my perception of it. ;-}
@JDinNM, I'm a huge reality person. I sometimes struggle to not think negatively (about certain things happening) & try to look for hope in these situations but reality always wins. It's not that I don't/can't hope, it's just that I've had a harsh reality check that makes me now see things for how they really are>>>>not what I hope they could be.
@JDinNM,
Count me in as a realist! I have a manager who tries to "enforce" positivity, and out work environment just isn't great right now.
@Liz B., "Enforced positivity" may be the oxymoron of the day/week/month! "You WILL be happy! Or else you WILL be fired!"
@JDinNM, "Beatings will continue until morale improves."
@Karen A.,
EXACTLY!! Lol!
@Liz B., I once said at one of those meetings 'I think a payrise would increase our happiness levels'.
I'm thankful that we have the time, energy, and money to take a long camping trip like the one we are on.
That we've had good weather. When we've had rain it has mostly been at night.
That our new RV hasn't had any problems.
That our dogs, who are 9 and 14, are doing great on this trip.
That in 5 more days we'll be home. As much as I love traveling, it's always good to come home.
I had to quit using my favorite place to walk as two people were shot and killed Sunday night. Then today on my way home I saw protesters, a lot, then I saw police in riot gear . I had no idea this stuff was going to happen so I turned west as soon as I could to get out of there and things erupted with tear gas and rubber bullets and those flash bang things.,I just kept heading away and was able to get out as they were shutting down all the roads.
Is this stuff happening everywhere. I thought it was supposed to be this weekend. It really took me by surprise tonight.
Ya’ll can be all optimistic about city life this summer. I think I’ll head to the country.
“Canned heat going up the country.”
@Tiana, Unfortunately it looks as if this is more widespread (many other places) than what the media is reporting. Saturday June 14 is reportedly a planned nationwide incident widely spread.
I'm glad you were able to remove yourself from that area quickly & safely.
@Tiana, I'm so sorry about the violence in your neighborhood.
@Book Club Elaine, the protesters were carrying signs and walking on the sidewalks, not even chanting. The police were in the streets obstructing traffic I’m not sure why they started using force. Later in the news it said it was declared an unlawful assembly and to disperse but there were no bull horns or speakers saying anything. I think it was declared online and you had to check your phones?
@Tiana,
That sounds terrifying, and I'm glad you are safe. Yikes!
--Yesterday had the potential to be a very rough day--it was the kind of day when it took a great effort of will to get up and face it--but it turned out to be okay.
--I took a nap yesterday afternoon while my daughter was drawing next to my bed, and woke up to find her finishing praying the rosary (we are, obviously, Catholic). I keep my rosary and the sheet of paper with the mysteries and prayers right there on my bedside table, and she just picked it up. Even if she doesn't always stay as close to the Church as she is now, she and my boys have the bedrock of it in their lives forever. I hope it will be the same source of comfort and joy to them as it has been for me.
--I am still, and will always be, thankful for our current priest. He has been just the priest our family has needed during what has been a very difficult couple of years. He's been very supportive and helpful, I think because his own family probably has had some of the same issues. He's one of the eldest from a family with eight kids, so I suspect he's personally experienced most of the issues there can be in a family. Anyway, I am so, so grateful for his help outside of church itself. This is the first time I've ever known a priest that I would consider to be a friend, but that's what he is.
--I picked my first beets of the year and have been eating them in my salads for a few days. I really love beets and have struggled to grow them successfully here, but they've been loving the cooler, rainy late spring this year.
--The rain has also meant the grass is growing well in the pastures, and that means the sheep are happy in their pasture. Happy sheep don't break out in search of better forage. Patching fence and herding runaway sheep are not my favorite things, so I am very thankful they're staying put.
--The horses pushed through their fence yesterday--they're just in the pen by the house eating hay so my kids can easily catch them to ride--but my husband was here and could deal with it. Runaway horses are even harder. They don't herd as well. 🙂
@kristin @ going country, my mother used to have glow in the dark rosary beads that she kept on her nightstand in case she needed them in the middle of the night. She had them for 20+ years and they still glowed. Unfortunately, she was admitted to a nursing home after a hospital stay and they are gone (so was her hearing aid!). I have 4 sisters and 1 brother and I only know of my 1 sister who would have appreciated them. Luckily, my mother's prayer book/bible was not tossed and my sister got that when my mother passed.
@kristin @ going country, cows. My friend’s cows got out onto the hiway at night. They are big and don’t mind well. Dogs that herd things are amazing though.
@Tiana,
My bff used to do sheep herding with her beloved Belgian sheepdog, Jasmine, many years ago (as a sport). It was amazing to watch Jasmine in action, and to watch her try and "herd" us humans at times.
A general attitude of hopefulness over despair is great, but for me, there seems to be a lot of cross-over between cynicism and realism. A positive and proactive mindset, great! Hoping that things improve, working towards that and so forth, even better. Flogging a dead horse (metaphor, obv!) is just a bit further along the continuum. Yes, be trusting, but equally, look carefully at patterns and things that seem off.
It's about proportion, basically.
@Caro, It reminds me of when corporations and/or certain workplaces don't want to acknowledge any issues and so put it on the employees - 'if you're feeling bad about overtime, low pay or miscommunication, none of it's our fault - it's YOUR fault for not having a better attitude!' Similar with certain lacks of infrastructure in society.
Having said that, I think hope can be used for action. It's often seen as the opposite to anger but I disagree; anger about inequalities can push us to fight with the hope for a better future. Cynicism can lead to not even trying because it doesn't seem worth it.
@Sophie in Denmark, What you said! Cynicism is the ultimate cop-out because it doesn’t require you to do anything.
"Hope" is the thing with feathers. . .
Right now I am thankful:
*for a deepening understanding of my children as individuals. I think, at least, that I'm getting that. Sometimes it comes with a cost, and I think the next step is to learn how to respond to these individuals appropriately. So much to learn as a human!
*that I can get reasonable amounts of sleep usually. I see my friends who are younger mothers, and I remember those sleepless years. Or I don't. But I DO remember that when I started sleeping again, I noticed a big difference.
*that my daughters volunteered to help our friends by offering to babysit. They did a great job.
*for my youngest daughter. She's such a lark! She is a delight with the kittens. She loves living out her imaginings. She's had it in her mind that she was going to go outside armed with a backpack full of things she might need. But. She's scared of the snakes and bears that might be outside (and unnamed other things). So she's had that backpack packed for a while, but this week, when her siblings went outside to play, she took out her backpack and played on her own. I don't know what she was playing, but I do know that it was HOT outside yet she pulled out a sweater and winter hat to wear. I don't know why I feel the need to ramble on about this little one, but maybe it's because I was once the youngest, too, and that's a hard place to be sometimes.
*for my coffee. It tastes good. For the local rail trail. That my oldest comes to me when he's stumped on Wordle and some other game. For online realty sites: I love looking for fun. For no shortage of books at hand. That an elderly man from church told me one of his old, old stories; those things are important to hear. That my 3rd son (who just got his first cell phone) is doing a good job of keeping his usage in check. That my daughter and I won tickets to a Ricky Skaggs and Kentucky Thunder concert, and we had a great time! For Kristen's lead in the positivity department. That my 2nd daughter just now brought to me a book she was reading to tell me about something ridiculous and inaccurate in it (one of those modern dramatic non-fiction books that is interesting but makes big statements that don't make sense--not even in the context of the book)-- it's good for her to recognize inconsistencies. Did I mention my coffee? (My husband just walked over to the computer to ask me if I wanted more coffee--and took my cup away to top it off. I'm so thankful for him.)
@Jody S., "Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all...
I'm thankful for Emily Dickinson!
@JDinNM, I read a really interesting YA novel with that title in reference to the poem (and the main character's life).
@Sophie in Denmark, There is a book by Hailey Hudson about a young Jewish girl, and one by Jeannette Bedard about a girl named Stella living on "New Venus" with her scientist father who disappears. I haven't read either but they both sound intriguing.
@JDinNM, I'll have to look those up! I misremembered the title of the book I was thinking of - it's called 'A Thing With Feathers' by McCall Hoyle.
For my cuddlebug of a dog. He's noisy and pushy when people come into my home (my poor cleaning lady is terrified of him and she has dogs of her own); nonetheless. He lies on my lap and wants to be my footrest when I'm on the couch and sometimes gives my doggie purrs.
For my personal competence and executive function. I need to be competent on behalf of a number of others so it's good that I can be.
For my house. It still gives me the warm fuzzies. I spent a lot of time thinking about the optimum places and procedures for things. Now I get to take pleasure in the efficiencies.
That my haphazard weightlifting/PT program is gradually addressing my shoulder trigger point and stiff lower back.
For the supportive group here.
Retired chemistry teacher here. 30 years. Please reach out if you ever need help.
@Stephanie,
I loved chemistry in high school (my teacher was awesome), and biochemistry in college. Organic chemistry in college, however, just about did me in, and washed me right out of the Med Tech program I was in. I feel certain you touched and influenced many, many lives during your long career.
@Liz B., I do believe organic chemistry was responsible for a vast increase in applications to law schools.
I'm thankful that I attended my late Jane Austen friend's calling hours yesterday, which befitted my friend's brave and cheerful spirit. I could see that there were jokes as well as tears in the receiving line as I approached it--so I showed her adult children the "Keep Calm & Carry On" socks I was wearing under my black slacks in her honor. They said she had a "KC&CO" plaque on her kitchen wall. And in a lovely gesture I've never seen before, a selection of my friend's costume jewelry was spread out on a table for people to take as remembrances. (I didn't take any, as I am not a jewelry person, but I thought it was a wonderful idea.)
I'm also thankful that I met and had a long chat with another old JA friend with whom I'd drifted out of touch. We're making plans to track down one or two others and have tea soon.
And I'm thankful for a pleasant, cool, grey day today--perfect for gardening. I plan to spend as much time weeding and transplanting as my aging chassis will permit.
@A. Marie, Your friend’s memory will be a blessing, with or without jewelry to remember her by.
@A. Marie, I'm sorry about your friend.
@A. Marie, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your JA friend. I wish you peace.
@A. Marie,
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your JA friend. I like to think she would be delighted that you reconnected with another JA friend during her calling hours.
Thankful list - tornado recover edition
I'm thankful
* my job is flexible so I could take off to meet the insurance adjuster for his inspection of our roof that suffered tornado and hail damage. DH was at a doctor's appointment that he hoped would finish in time to meet the adjuster but instead the appointment took over 3 hours
* our insurance company approved replacing our roof instead of repairing it
* we have money saved to cover our deductible for replacing the roof
* the fence we share with the neighbor that was knocked down by the tornado has been replaced. It will be nice to be able to let the dog roam the backyard alone again
* the majority of the downed and damaged trees have been cut up and removed from the yard
Our village has a culture problem of cynicism vs. hopefulness. It's very interesting, although I find it difficult to be part of Team Hopeful. It does require way more spine than cynicism. Like, way more.
@Karen., Such an interesting comment. The more I read/reread it the more I agree with you. Cynicism is like permission to do nothing because you've predetermined that it's futile to believe you can achieve something better. Hopefulness is like a marching order to get out there and strive to make things better.
@Karen., my entire city has that problem, and it's all too easy to slip into the prevailing narrative of "Nothing good has happened here in decades, so why start hoping now?" But by getting involved in the current mayoral race, and by doing whatever I can to try to slow down the national race to the bottom here in the US, I'm trying to counter that narrative.
@A. Marie, Good for you! Showing up and speaking up is what it takes.
@JDinNM, I don't equate cynicism with permission to do nothing. Cynicism is living and acknowledging reality. Hopeful and Pollyanna are a bit too close of relatives in my book.
Oxford English Dictionary says a cynic is "A person who habitually expects things to go wrong, or questions the value or worth of things; a person with a negative, pessimistic, or mistrustful outlook."
This is not reality because it is not true that everything goes wrong, or that you can't trust anyone. This is just as unrealistic a view of the world as a view that everything will always go right, or that you can always trust everyone.
Reality is somewhere in the messy middle. 🙂
@A. Marie, the large city near me government was (no offense), full of old people, mostly old Swedes. The city lost out on a number of long term good things (think a university - the factor owners didn't want educated people). Young people went to college and never came back. Downtown was dying, almost dead.
Warp ahead a number of years. A young mayor (whose father had been a progressive mayor especially for the time) who is progressive yet pragmatic. All but one old person is out of city government. About the only good thing said person brings to the table is reminding his peers to save some for a rainy day. Downtown is rejuvenated.
Next purge of old people will happen in county government. It cannot happen soon enough.
I'm with you on hope, Kristen.
The cat pictures are so cute. I hope the rooming situation works well for Sonia! One of my daughters had a less than ideal college rooming situation with a lifelong friend - it pretty well ended their friendship.
My thanksgivings:
1. Well, I'm thankful that my daughter is very happy with her current roommate - her husband. I'm also thankful that before she and he even knew each other, he was friends with my other daughter and they remain good friends. In fact, my other daughter is the one who convinced him and her sister to try dating, which obviously worked.
2. I'm thankful for the rain, although the constant dampness gets on my nerves. We were way too dry.
3. I'm choosing to be thankful for the family of red-shouldered hawks that likes to yell at each other a lot in my neighbor's yard. Although they get very loud, it's fun to watch them. I know the youngsters will be moving out soon.
4. I'm thankful I was able to locate some sheets online again for my sister, so she can have two sets again. Her bed is a Full XL, and it is very, very hard to find cotton - not microfiber - sheets to fit it. Her lovely four-poster bedframe was custom built by her late husband to accommodate both a narrow bedroom and his height (he was 6'4"), so she doesn't want to change to a different bed in a more common size. She checked into custom-made sheets: $300 and she had to provide the queen-sized set for them to cut down!
5. Yes, I'll say it again, I'm thankful I'm even closer to retirement than last week!
@JD,
A family of red-shouldered hawks makes for interesting bird watching, and they are noisy especially when hunting. We currently have a family of ospreys nearby.
I have an irrational fear involving birds of prey. Every now and then an eagle, hawk or osprey will fly overhead with a snake firmly gripped in its talons. I am always afraid that this snake with wiggle free and land on my head. I know this is not probable, but it is a fear leftover from childhood.
@Bee, I don't think that your fear is entirely irrational. Birds of prey can and do drop things. I know this because an osprey dropped a fish on my mother's roof in her retirement village in Kissimmee, FL. A photo of my mother holding the fish appeared in the village newsletter!
@Bee, I know I shouldn't have laughed at the snake fantasy/phobia. But I did. Mea culpa.
@Bee,
As they say, the chances of that happening may be low, but not zero! I watched a red-shouldered hawk with a snake here at work one day. I had a sudden thought that I was glad I wasn't under the tree where the hawk took it. The hawk ate it, though, instead of dropping it; sorry, snake.
@A. Marie, Did she eat it? Shame to let it go to waste, it being like manna from heaven.
@Bee, it happened to me last week! Thankfully in our car, not on our walk (though they've dropped near us when walking too). An osprey had a really big fish and another osprey was chasing it; they flew straight at the car trying to outwit each other, but lost the grip on the fish... (a solid smeary mess, but at least it wasn't a snake, which yes - now you'll have me glancing upwards for that too)
@JDinNM, oh, goodness, no. For my mother, fish came in only three forms: tuna in cans, salmon in cans, and fish sticks in boxes. I regretted the waste myself at the time.
@JD, We had a hawk take a kitten from our yard when I was very young. I didn’t see it happen, but knew the story. I would be out on my swing set & would meow quietly & be both terrified & excited to see if a hawk would swoop down. I remember the fearful jolt every time I’d say, “meow.” So funny to think re: now
I'm grateful we are expecting a baby, due in January!
I'm so thankful that the experience of conceiving went smoothly, and that so far there have been no complications. I'm grateful for my husband's support as pregnancy sickness is wiping me out. (I'm usually a person who enjoys food and is happy to eat leftovers, but now I have no idea what will sound appetizing the next day.)
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea,
I am very happy to hear that you will be expecting. I hope that after the first trimester you will feel much better.
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea,
So happy for you to hear that you are expecting. Hope the pregnancy sickness soon goes away and that you have a happy, healthy pregnancy and a happy, healthy baby. Congratulations to you and your DH! Sending you a virtual hug!
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, cheers for your good news, and I hope you feel better soon!
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, Whoo-hoo!!!!! Keep up updated - that is so exciting.
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, Congratulations! Enjoy all your cravings! Whatever they may be. 😉
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, Congratulations!
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, Congratulations!!
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, Congratulations!
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, Congratulations!!!
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, Congratulations! I hope everything continues to go smoothly for you.
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, What a wonderfully hopeful bit of news! So glad you shared and look forward to updates.
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, congratulations. all the best.
I really like that quote. Thanks for sharing it.
I'm thankful for all the rain we've gotten lately because we needed it, and for the sunny, warm, but not too hot days in between.
I'm thankful for the new roses blooming in our yard. It has been a strange spring with none of our own flowers growing in our yard, since we moved a few months ago and haven't had time to plant much.
And I'm also thankful for snuggly cats who like to spend time with me.
WHAT a turnaround from 2022, Kristen! I smiled through your entire post from the wonderful energy I could feel all throughout it. Your future is so bright, you outta wear . . . well, you know. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your journey here. It gives so much hope that we can make a complete U-turn and come out better.
I’m very thankful my son’s CT scan has been approved by insurance.
I received a letter from eviCore this week and my stomach dropped. Unknown to me, my insurance company was questioning whether or not to cover the scan and eviCore sends out rejection letters. I was so relieved to see “approved” on that paper. This has been a difficult few months, starting with my questions about my son’s growth, then concerning blood test results, and soon the upcoming CT scan. Not our typical easy-going summer. I’m hoping by the end of the month, I can be grateful for a clear scan.
@JenRR, that must have been a terrible moment at first; I'm so glad it was approved. Hoping you get clear scan news quickly!
@JenRR, I am glad your scan was approved. You are doing a great job. Hang in there!
@Suz and Bee, Thank you. The CT scan could have cost us $10,000. It’s a relief that we don’t have to empty the bank account for it.
@JenRR, Wow, thank goodness it worked out!
@JenRR,
Holy moly! Hooray for that approval for the scan!
• My mammogram came back as normal.
• My grandparents have successfully moved to assisted living. It’s a move my grandpa has wanted to make for over a year and grandma finally decided it was a good idea. Selfishly I’m sad they are out of their home (one of the few constants in my military upbringing) but it brings me peace to know someone will always be close to check in on them.
• My grandparents moving means my parents can finally take a break to breathe. My parents can finally go home and sleep in their own beds and maybe go out for dinner together! Caretaking is a full time job and they did it wonderfully, but they were thrown into it and graciously put their lives on pause.
• Summer break has officially started! My son’s last day of school was Tuesday. It’s amazing that we have a high schooler!
• We have a few days of rain in the forecast – my lawn desperately needs the water.
Hope. This is an interesting subject and reminds me of my dear mother. To quote her, "If you do not have hope, you have nothing." I know this seems rather harsh, but hope gives you a reason to get up in the morning. It is the reason you continue in the face of adversity, it is the reason you have dreams and goals. To live without hope is accept things just as they are.
Perhaps, this seems toxic to some. However, her generation lived through the Great Depression and World War II. Her first husband, who later died of a heart attack, survived the bombing of Pearl Harbor. My mother was brilliant and beautiful, but lived in a world where women were discriminated against. She was born to a poor Irish Catholic family and was brought up in the rough, inner city of Boston. If she did not have hope, she would have accepted the hand she was dealt, but she did not. She made a beautiful life for herself and never stopped dreaming.
Given this, I have to agree with James Clear, hope is strength. It is a superpower. It is not passive. It is not unrealistic. It is believing in yourself and others which may be why it is so hard sometimes.
On another note --
Today, I am thankful for the ocean breeze which made it cool enough to garden yesterday evening.
I am thankful that my son, DIL, and grandchildren came over for a swim on Sunday afternoon. This was a major step for my DIL who did not grow up near the water and is fearful.
I am thankful that DH has finally discovered the importance of taking care of his health.
Finally, more than anything else, my younger son successfully completed a solo summit of Mt. Rainier. It's always funny to me that this child of mine - born and raised in Florida- has become an expert on glaciers. Life is an interesting journey.
Wishing you all the blessings of peace, good health, prosperity, and hope.
@Bee,
I love your comments on hope, thank you!
@Bee,
I love your description of your mom. She must have been strong and determined, in addition to being beautiful and brilliant.
That's a beautiful quote by Nick Cave. For those who are unfamiliar with him, he is a singer/writer who was a heroin addict for many years but managed to get clean. He has suffered unimaginable tragedy in recent years, as two of his children have passed away. He certainly writes beautifully about hope.
@Tina S.,
I'm familiar with Nick Cave from his music with the Bad Seeds. If I remember correctly, he has some sort of e-newsletter you can subscribe to....the Red Hand? I think? I'm too lazy to look it up. He is an incredible writer.
@Tina S., The name, Nick Cave, kept popping up seemingly in random ways. A friend recommended his book, Faith, Hope and Carnage. I’m not familiar with his music but looking forward to reading his book. It’s sitting on my library shelf waiting for me to get to it.
It makes my heart smile for you that your daughter took all the furniture you so lovingly got for her. It surprises me when our children leave the nest & some parent(s) don't tell the (young adult) child to take all their furniture (& stuff) with them. I understand if the child doesn't want to take it with them, as long as child understands parent has right to do what want with furniture now because is theirs>>>>not long/years term storage. I've seen all sides. Luckily my kids wanted all their furniture (& most stuff) to take with them. 🙂
Thankful for a break from the Canadian wildfire smoke. We've had rain quite a bit (again) which is keeping the smoke from us.
Thankful for (literally) overflowing 90 gallon rain barrels. I can not use the water fast enough right now with all the rain. I thought about getting additional rain barrels but honestly I would not be able to use the water. Since getting rain barrels I have not used outside hose water & I never have had no water when needed to use.
Thankful that teen enjoying new summer job. Was surprised when about 1/3 was taken out for taxes, first non cash payment for teen.
Thankful that my Dad is looking forward to vacation later this summer. Hoping he is physically able as he is still easily worn out.
Thankful for the sunshine & beautiful strawberry moon.
Thankful that we live in a (mostly) safe area & that we feel safe (except during tornadoes). We know not everyone has that.
Thankful for Kristen & her blog where we can learn & share with others.
Have a great weekend!
Thanks for the good lesson on hopefulness vs cynicism. I need to work on not being so cynical/negative.
1. For my snuggley-wuggley dog, Snuggles. He has been with me a mere six weeks now, but he's just about the most loving pet I've ever had, and he's just what I need right now. Also, he hasn't torn any more carpeting up.
2. Getting to hear a lot of Brian Wilson/Beach Boy songs on the radio (NPR and BBC World Service) early this morning as they announced his passing. They played all the beautiful slow harmonies/love songs and it was just amazing. I was in bed, dozing off, and heard "Caroline No" and "God Only Knows" and "Wouldn't It Be Nice" and many more as I went in and out of sleep. Like everyone, I am sad to hear of his death, but at the same time, I rejoice that he shared his amazing gift of music with the world. (Although I love the slow melodies, I also love his happy, fun songs: what would a summer be without the Beach Boys' bouncy tunes? Guaranteed to put you in a sunny mood!)
3. Ten more months and my car will be paid off early, at the rate I'm going. (Paying extra principle each month). Also, my recent car trouble was only a dead battery, not something more serious.
4. Birds singing outside my window right now, after last night's rain.
5. I'm getting over my head cold.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
One of my best memories as a teen was getting to go to a Beach Boys concert. It was fabulous, although my 4 friends and I, who were only 16 and 17, could have done without the thick haze of pot smoke filling the auditorium. Fortunately, we got home okay anyway! We sang "Good Vibrations" all the way home.
p.s., I did not mention the smoke to my parents and they were in bed when I got home so they didn't smell anything. That's the only time I ever "partook" and that was secondhand smoke.
@JD, contact high.
I am so thankful for the quote from James Clear on hopefulness vs cynicism this morning! I have friends and relatives who use cynicism to be cool and I too struggle to not fall into that hole.
I am also thankful that my mother and my home ec teacher did their best to teach me to sew when I was in high school. I need those skills today as I am making a set of birthday gifts for a daughter that would be pretty much unaffordable if I had to buy them. Sewing is not my favorite thing to do, but giving my daughter something she told me that wants is definitely something I want to do. I'm also thankful that I have the material in my stash.
Also thankful for a brick house with wide eaves and lots of windows. I run around in the mornings and afternoons opening and closing windows and blinds depending on where the sun is, but so far, it's working to stave off air conditioner usage. I appreciate every day of fresh air indoors.
And as always, thankful for this lovely corner of the internet which refreshes me.
Look at that arm!!
My Thankfuls:
-lazy mornings. Another school year in the books. Now I can sleep in and drink my coffee from a mug rather than thermos.
-so many hiking trails so close to my house. This weekend I did 9ish miles with 1600ish ft elevation and it was soul filling. I can’t wait for the other trails on my summer list. It will take me many summers to exhaust the nearby trails.
-a grill for cooking outside. My house is nice and cool with all the outdoor cooking we do.
-friends close enough for my kids to bike to independently.
-time with my kids.
I love summer more with each passing year.
I am a pragmatic hopeful. My job as a trauma icu nurse, I see the worst of the worst injuries and sickness. I often get feedback of soft or sweet and kind from patient surveys.
It is a job to see the positives or hope in tough situations.
I am forever thankful to a mentor who asked me to start my journal entries with 5 relevant items of daily gratitude.
This morning as I let the cats and dog out at the crack of dawn, they ran off to their favorite hunting spots as I took to the field with the lambs to do my yoga stretches....wishing I still had goats....the lambs like to head butt me.
I came back to the house and called at the front porch for breakfast and the kitties came running up the lane, tails high in a ? With the sun shining thru their fur, it really could be a commercial!
it is wildfire season here, so today I will make several batches of cookies and bars for the forestry dept as they are heading to the big fire tomorrow.
This week has been a dumpster fire and I am still Team Hope. I never actually thought about that being such an active, soldiering type of stance but the more I think about it, the more I realize that daring to hope is quite a feat. Especially in the world that we are living in.
I am thankful for a smooth 8 weeks of pregnancy. Nothing earth shattering to report - no morning sickness but some fatigue, food aversions and cravings for a lot o9f iron rich foods - green veggies, bbq in vinegar based sauce, horseradish pickles, hot sauce on everything please.
Thankful for my Pastor and my church as a whole. In a world where we are faced with so much evil, reminders of where our hope and faith rest is more than just a comfort. It is a foundation for who I am.
Thankful for comfortable clothing. I am definitely pregnant and can wear nothing that is binding in any way.
Thankful for the sound of birds singing morning, noon and night outside my home. Bees buzzing, flowers growing, peaceful sounds & sights.
@Angie,
A beautiful list!
Yay, no morning sickness!
@Angie, I'm thankful your church is not part and parcel guilty of creating then adding fuel to the dumpster fire of what passes for today's republican party. 99% of churches has lost their way IMHO.
I am thankful for:
My husband enjoying his bike ride with his brother in law. He was worried he wouldn't make it after his heart issue 6 weeks ago. He even bought an e-bike and was going to ride with that, until it was scheduled to rain almost the entire 3 days! So he took his regular bike and only rode 2 days. They skipped the mostly rain day which would have been hard in the mud and sand.
Being able to finish a scrapbook that I started almost 2 years ago! It's finally done and I can go to the next one. I like to finish an album before going to the next.
That I am still enjoying the gym. I started Crossfit in February and I really am enjoying the people, the coaches and the workouts. I, too, have stronger arms now! Just wish my legs would catch up! I think I will need some more bike riding for that.
Paying off my husband's truck a few months earlier. Now I have some extra money to pay off other bills so I can retire next year. I thought I could do it in March, but with expenses as they are, I will probably retire in April, 2026. I want to have a certain dollar amount in the HYSA and I should have that by April. Maybe sooner, but I can't get Medicare until at least March, so I have to work until then.
That my micro-manager lead took the week off. Nice to just sit and do my work and not worry about anyone watching what I do. Breathing a little easier!
So often, a picture speaks a thousand words. I'm not sure, Kristen, if your picture of the trees with the vines was intentional but it is a beautiful example of cynicism vs. hope. That vine is commonly known as a winter creeper or euonymus. It is invasive, meaning it's in a place where it will do more harm than good and without proper measures, will take over. And yet...the trees stand firm, in spite of the possible stranglehold the vines have on them. The trees rise above, stretching to the Sun exhibiting strong hope. Only God grows a picture like that.
I am thankful I was able to put my AC in the window by myself yesterday. I do not have "guns" like Kristen, but I do have lifting experience and since I have no one to impress in my housekeeping, I had pulled it from the window late last fall and just sat the AC on the floor. Did not have to suffer the heat, or call on someone although, I have very willing friends that help.
Another friend from my church was cleaning eaves troughs in the neighborhood and when he finished, cleaned out mine and replaced some of the gutter covers the pesky squirrels had torn to store their stash. He also put two of the slats that had blown out back into the awning over the back porch.
I am thankful that I have "almost" everything planted I had intended. I still have a couple of native plants/shrubs left. I also want to replace the lavender which did not overwinter. I do know that if I replant, that I will cover it this winter to work towards preserving it.
I am thankful I am over the two weeks of lack of appetite and took inventory and replenished the fridge with ready made healthy meal choices.
I am thankful that this is the first week with the "extra" day off. I have been having great difficulty on my weekends off of being able to attend any Saturday activities and sometimes being too tired to go to church on Sunday. Our immediate family is having a get together this Saturday and having Friday off will make a big difference.
Very excited for Sonia and her friends and wishing them well as they go off to school! Crouton the kitty is such a cutie! How fun that they will get to live together while Sonia is at school.
I am so glad you shared your thoughts on hope today. I needed the reminder for the damaging effects of cynicism.
I am thankful:
- There is no room for slacking in my job. All of the people I work with are so wonderfully accountable.
- I can malasana squat and use the position frequently to rest and do things near the ground.
- The rainy season keeps the outside noises a little more tame while I am trying to get to sleep.
- I am going on a mini getaway trip this weekend.
- The coffee my friend brought in her suitcase for me is delicious and still fresh.
As an Australian I think you would enjoy reading about Nick Cave and listening to his music. He has had quite some tragedy in his life and is an Icon in Australia.
Hmm. Today was a rough day. I attended a funeral for a woman at church who died suddenly last week. She was a wonderful, wonderful woman, and I am sad. So ... I am glad that I had the chance to know her and that she was such a positive influence on me. Thankful that I was able to see a pastor and his wife who had retired from our church--that was a pleasant surprise.
I woke up today, looked out the window, and saw a giant hole in our back yard. Turns out that the top of our septic tank sank in. Ugh. But .... I'm thankful that it happened on a day when I wasn't working so I could call the septic service for help, grateful for the very nice man who took my call and was patient with my (somewhat panicked) description of what had occurred, thankful that we have an emergency fund, and also that my husband is taking this in his stride. His calmness is helping me feel calmer, too.
Thankful for the weekly exercise in thankfulness. It's very easy to look at all that's bad and forget my blessings.
I am thankful for musicians & writers like Nick Cave who bring meaning and joy to people.
"Into My Arms" by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds was played at memorials for two people close to me, to abundant tears, because they both loved the song.
I am thankful to The Frugal Girl for creating this space where I can take a moment to remember them.
And, like the commenter below, I am thankful for the friendship I shared with my Nick Cave-loving friend.
I’m thankful for …
- Another birthday and year of being alive.
- All the kind birthday wishes I received.
- The rain and cool weather. A chance to slow down and recover from the flu.
- The beautiful peonies, my favorite flowers, my husband planted for me in our front yard when we first moved here.
- The kind ladies who hand out the free school lunches during the summer.
A late thankful list:
1. For the friends who share my concern that the U.S. is racing to the bottom way too fast. We share the effort to protest publicly, which is not the same as a riot!
2. For the lively music and art community in my town, including free watercolor lessons.
3. For the dear girl who loves our cat and is happy to care for her when we took off for a few days.
4. For our safe travels during a week on the road, and the friendly Canadians we sat with in several theater productions.
5. For my DH and our contractor, who are working on getting city permits to fix our back porch and move the laundry from the basement to the porch.
I'm thankful:
- that I enjoy cooking, because man alive I end up cooking a lot!
-in respect to that, I'm thankful to have people to cook for.
- Good sleep and good health
- ebay earnings
- ice
- good books
-helpful Scripture
If you like Nick Cave, I can’t recommend Mockingbird Ministries enough! http://www.mbird.com