Do kids just always need something else?
Hi Kristen!
I am a new mom (daughter is 10 months old!) and we live a fairly frugal lifestyle, partly out of necessity and partly just because we don’t have expensive tastes. We live in a small house, so we have definitely limited baby gear and toys with our daughter. But almost every week, I think of something new that we *need*- like, vitamin d drops, more diapers, bigger socks for her, etc! We receive hand me downs from another family, but it just seems like there is always something else we need.
Whenever you post about 5 frugal things, you often mention purchasing things at a discount- which makes me think you shop (frugally) often for your family! So, is this just how it is with kids? Always something else you need to buy?
How does your brain not just go crazy managing those small details? How do you manage all of these necessary household purchases?
Before having my daughter, we shopped for clothes for us maybe 1-2/year to fill in seasonal gaps. And maybe once a month for household items from Target.
I would love to hear from you, but totally understand if you don’t have time! I enjoy reading your blog and think we would be friends in real life! 🙂
Katie
Hey Katie! Congrats on becoming a mom.
I bet we would be friends in real life; I often think that about FG readers. What a fun (and enormous!) friend group we could have if only we all lived near each other.
Le sigh.
The internet will just have to do.
You've got a few questions in here, so I'll break my answer up a bit.
Is this just how it is with kids?
The short answer is: yep.
Unlike adults, children change at pretty speedy rates.
They outgrow clothes. And toys. And gear.
They outgrow hobbies.
Their education-related needs change.
Plus, they wear things out (their own things, and also the things you own. Ha.)
Add in a few things you want to buy for them (as opposed to needing to buy for them), and you have a life that requires quite a bit of shopping.
Of course, subsequent children don't require quite as many purchases since you already have a stroller, crib, car seat, high chair, tricycle, bike, winter coat, and so on.
But with your first kid, you are starting from scratch!
So, yes. Your life as a parent will definitely involve buying way more things than you did in your pre-kid life.
Obviously, you don't need to go overboard with the buying. But even at a minimal level, children do require quite a number of purchases.
How does your brain not just go crazy managing those small details? How do you manage all of these necessary household purchases?
LISTS, baby, lists!
Writing things down on physical paper helps me so much. But if digital lists are your thing, do that instead.
When my kids were littler, I kept a paper list of things they needed.
Now that they are older, we have our handy-dandy, "I need Mom to..." list (download the printable at that link) on the fridge, which they use to help me keep track of those things.
Another idea: if there's something you need at regular intervals, try subscribing for deliveries. For instance, I have some Amazon Subscribe and Save items set up for some toiletry items that my girls regularly need, like Sonia's special eye drops.
You are new to this whole mom thing, so you are still learning the ropes. After you've been at this for a little while, you'll get used to thinking about what your kiddo needs for the upcoming season/school year/summer vacation, etc.
You'll also get into a groove when it comes to obtaining these things frugally.
You'll remember to do things like
- hitting the school supply sales in August
- buying those snowpants for next year (in a size up) in the March clearance at Target
- ordering a marked-down swimsuit (in a size up!) in August
- browsing Facebook Marketplace or eBay for items on your to-buy list
and so on.
As you get into more of a groove, this all will start to feel less overwhelming.
So, summary of my answer:
- Yup, there's lots of stuff to buy for kids
- Make lists!
- Give yourself some grace because you will get better at this with time.
Congratulations. I am sure your little one is absolutely adorable.
Sometimes I feel that internet and magazines etc create unrealistic expectations. I have noticed a huge increase in "must have items" when my granddaughter was born. Honestly if you are at home you can make do with a smaller wardrobe than say a working mother who may not be able to wash every day or so. My granddaughter's favourite first toys were laundry pegs, potatoes, onions and chew toys. Do not be afraid to restrict toys. Borrow from a toy library if there is one near you. Use the library for books. Very little ones do not know if their toys are not brand new and there are many gently used items available. Ask family to contribute to big item purchases such as outdoor toys. Kristen has given you some wonderful ideas.
Best wishes.
I LOVE the comment about favorite toys being potatoes and onions! That is GREAT! I'll add pots and pans and cardboard boxes! It was nice when breast-feeding to not need to buy all the bottle-feeding stuff, and back then there were no breast-feeding things to buy or use, like special clothing, pillows, machines, storage. And now as a grand-parent, I don't like to buy clothes and toys that the boys might not like or want, so I REALLY appreciate when the parents figure out things that will actually be used and let me know for gifts.
Congratulations on your new baby Katie!!! That is such an exciting time. My little guy just turned five years old and I remember those early days well!
A few things that helped me:
For clothing off season sales. Many children clothing makers like Carter’s and Children’s Place have clearance sections and will sell items like shorts and tees in February or cozy jammies in August for unbeatable prices. They also offer rewards clubs so if you sign up you get invitation to special sales or certain percentages off or coupons to come back and shop at a later date...definitely take advantage of those. You can save hundreds on quality clothing for your little one.
Check out consignment sales. Locally we have several large churches that do a spring and a fall sale and I regularly score like new if not brand new with tags items from Ralph Lauren and Polo for my son for $2-$5 a piece in addition to jeans, pants, sweaters, coats etc. many of the name brand items are things I just wouldn’t spend the money on for a small child that is growing so quickly but at such low prices it becomes affordable to have a few nice pieces for church.
Another option is the store Once Upon a Child. This is a shop that sales consignment clothes, toys and shoes. I have found such great things for my son here...especially as he was younger and clothing items are barely worn once before they are outgrown. Also you can bring items of clothing that your daughter no longer uses and they will purchase from you which gives you cash to put back into what she needs. Not ideal if you plan to store items for a second child but an option.
I would echo Kristen with the idea of lists. I always found myself thinking of items we needed at random times. It helped a lot to write it all down.
If you shop at Target they frequently offer gift cards for purchasing a certain amount of baby items...like a $30 gift card for $100 on baby items. If you go In to stock up on diapers, wipes, bath soap, lotion and formula you can hit that number quickly. Then use your gift card the same day to save on household needs.
Yard sales are another good option to search for baby toys.
If you formula feed I found amazon had the best prices for formula and if I needed to pick it up locally Walmart or Target were competitive. Costco and Sam’s are also good sources for bulk purchases of wipes and snacks along with medicines. I found many times that I could get two of something like baby Tylenol in Costco for less that I could buy one bottle at any other store.
I hope these tips will help you to find some deals to make things a bit easier for you as you navigate the newness if motherhood. After shopping for all the stuff don’t forget to soak In This time...the days are long but the years are short.
Blessings to you and your family Katie!!
We have a local second hand baby/kid store in our town. They do a wonderful job. It’s clean, organized, and usually really good stuff.
I use that store first when needing something and then will do Target or Old Navy for my kids.
In addition, the second hand shop takes consignment and since we are done having kids we pass along a lot of those outgrown baby items and get store credit. In the last 18 months I haven’t paid for anything at that store because I’ve had store credit. They don’t always have what I need, but it never hurts to hit it up first to see.
I always bought through the clearance a size up for next year for my daughter. I would have bags of stuff with tags on it to pull out the next year! it was great! thankfully my daughter grew at the same pace of her clothing vs her age. she was always in an 6/7 when she was that same age.
One tip I’ve used is anything that is more of a speciality item that likely won’t be worn out by the end of the season, try to by unisex. Things like snow pants, snow boots, soccer cleats, etc. Makes it much easier to pass things down with siblings!
Oh yes! Black snow pants are such a lovely item when you have both boys and girls.
YES! Softball/Baseball/Soccer cleats are always in gender neutral- feet grow way too fast!
Another good reason to look for neutral snow boots. Our need for them here is so hit-or-miss, it's especially smart to buy something all the kids can use eventually.
Does your child have a grandmother or two? They are your secret weapon! My mother-in-law will often ask "what do the kids need?" which prompts me to think about the question and then her gifts become much more useful and appreciated. If you have extended family members who want to gift your baby anyway, why not share your list with them?
Good suggestion, Becca, and reminder to all you grandparents. I'm a mom of 4 grown children and grandma to 6 all under the age of 5. We love to indulge, but helping to buy the essential items goes a long way instead of another toy or cute outfit that is not needed that crowds their house. In our experience, our grandkids like the stuff around the house: silicone cupcake liners, mini flashlights, dryer balls (combined with Gatorade bottles make a fun Bowling game), old credit and membership cards... 🙂
We asked my parents to spoil my kids with love, not stuff. We didn’t say “you can’t buy him anything,” we just asked them to be reasonable. If my mom sees a cute toy at a yard sale, she’s going to get it (and I “let” her) but it’s also has a Nice side effect.
Because our parents aren’t spending all their money on toys/clothes (most of which are band me downs), they can easily help us with extra car seats (Not cheap!) and therapy items (special needs son). They still get to make a big impact on the grandkid AND are helping us with stuff we actually need for him.
We appreciate it greatly!!
Congratulations! And yes, this season of motherhood is overwhelming! My kids are 6 & 8 so I am a few years away from babies, but yes, kids do need a lot of stuff. Keep your eyes open for free baby gear. Many mothers just want to get rid of stuff instead of finding the time to sell it. My church family has been a huge source of support (both emotionally and stuff!) Don't feel bad about asking if anyone has a particular item that you need. Most likely, someone has it stuffed away in their basement just finding the right time to "do something" with it. I also try to find creative ways to keep using baby items. I sewed together the "forbidden" crib bumpers and made a "roll" type pillow that my kids use in their camper beds!
Think creatively OR ask (you've got a great community here!). You've got this!
Like Katie, it surprised me how much stuff a baby needed, especially the quantity of items needed. We had "plenty" of baby clothes, but I always seemed to be out of clean clothes after a messy diaper. We had "plenty" of diapers, but I had to make a special trip to the store for more.
My son was also in daycare from a young age so we needed doubles of many things.
All excellent advice!
Look at your biggest recurrent purchases right now (diapers, wipes, formula of you are not breastfeeding) and figure out where they are least expensive and buy a lot! Whether that’s Amazon or Costco/ BJ’s. Little trips out because you ran out of one of these things is exhausting)
Plan ahead and be in control!
I’m also all about lists.
I felt very much the same way after my first child. He's four now (and we have a 2-year-old daughter) and it's definitely gotten easier to manage. I feel like once they reach the 18-month or 2-year mark (depending on the child) they start to slow down a LOT and your needs don't change nearly as dramatically or rapidly.
I absolutely buy end-of-season clearance items and save them, but I learned the hard way to keep close track of what I've bought. We have a small house, so I pack away everything not currently being worn and it's super easy to forget what I purchased 6 months ago.
The first year with a new child is a little bit of a shock in how much stuff you accumulate with such a little creature 🙂 I do think you learn quickly that a lot of it falls in the category of "nice to have but not needed" or even unnecessary, and you can make do with less. Growth spurts slow down, and your child will not outgrow their clothing and diaper sizes quite so fast. Of course, the toddler years are a whole new marketing niche of things you most likely can do with less.
I managed frugally with twins after joining a local mothers of multiples club and had early bird access to a twice-yearly consignment sale with them, as the sale provided (two of everything!) gently used baby clothes, equipment and toys for a fraction of what is cost in the stores. Once the pandemic eases, I would recommend checking out when your local multiples club hosts their sale, or sign up in an online yardsale. Joining your own local club for parents of your baby's age will also provide you with an instant network of parents looking to get rid of things their children have outgrown. Even down to cloth diapers, socks and underwear I could find unused or barely used during the first few years.
I would also heartily recommend joining Freecycling/Buy Nothing groups in your area or neighborhood groups (if you don't have any, then mommy resale groups or Facebook Marketplace also work!!).
I'm 34 weeks pregnant with our first, and I kid you not, I have gotten literally over $500 dollars worth of stuff for free from local groups (baby swing, diaper changing station, sheets, bathtub, bouncer, bottles, TONS of clothes, some cloth diapers), and then I scoped out Facebook Marketplace for things I knew I wanted and swooped in when things were at my price point (e.g., we got the bulk of our cloth diapers in a lot costing $175, which would have cost welllll over $400-500 new, garage sale clothes at $1/piece, our swanky bassinet for 1/2 off retail, etc.)
I already have tons of "grow into" bins of clothes through 12 months for our little one, and once I know how fast she'll grow, I'll be able to keep an eye out for seasonally appropriate bigger sizes.
1. I think that kids don't *need* as much as society tell us they need. It's hard to maintain that mindset as immersed as we are in our culture. (We're currently wrestling with the question of how many toys does a child need with our 4, 5 and 6 year olds. I think it's far less than what many would have us believe.) Even with the things kids truly need, it's still a good bit. We plan to use birthdays and Christmases for developmental stuff (bikes, ball and glove etc.), so that there's not as much being caught off guard.
2. I personally have not had a ton of success buying seasonal things (swimsuits/snow gear) a size up for my kids. My youngest and oldest will not visibly grow for a while then jump two sizes at the most inopportune time. Stuff like shoes, pants/short, and shirts are easier to buy up a size knowing they'll be worn because it doesn't matter as much if that stuff fits perfectly.
3. Get shoes a half size bigger than what you think you'll need. Kids go through shoes so quickly. I think that's the most expensive thing about children (besides medical care, which varies greatly from child to child and family to family).
You were right about it getting easier. You learn as you go. For the things that are a financial challenge, consider mentioning it to family, especially grandparents. They want to spoil that baby and often don't know what to buy, so they'll be happy to buy a needed item.
Ask other mothers if the item works or is needed. They are an awesome resource and can offer advice no one else can. I
Love on that baby, keep that belly filled, make sure she sleeps good, and the rest will come to you naturally. Congratulations.
So I didn’t struggle with this until my third. Our third is an adopted son so different genetics I wasn’t quite prepared for. He’s 9 yrs old now and he’s 5’ tall and I’m about to move him into men’s clothes because he’s so big (not fat just big). Clothes I bought him for school uniforms he’s already outgrown. I had him try his winter boots on a month ago and when he needed them on Friday they were too small. I bought him new ones two sizes bigger and they are too small. His feet grew three sizes in a month. My biological kids have grown at much slower rates so this has been a conundrum to me. I’ve spent more time and money on buying clothes and shoes for this one child than my other three combined.
All of this to say, kids always need something. And some kids more than others. And teenagers only get more expensive. The bigger the kids get the more expensive everything is.
I’m all about hand me downs and second hand but what fits my 9 yr old will never work for my 7 yr old. Basically this is just an encouragement to be flexible about the expenses involved in having kids.
My 9-year-old daughter is almost 5' tall and wears a women's shoe size 8.5. Earlier this summer she was still wearing a kid's size 6, so I hear you on rapidly-growing feet!
She happens to be my bio kid, and I'm 5'9" and wear a size 12 women's shoe, so I had a bit more warning than it sounds like you did with your third! But that switch from children's sizing to adult sizing - ouch to the pocketbook.
If you plan on having more children and if you have some storage space, absolutely save what you have for next time around. We have 7 children, and I always go "shopping in the basement" for clothes. (Organization is always a problem.) But it is certainly nice to have most of what I need already available. It is a rare item that has me running to a store for a real need. As others have said-- thrift, yard sales, clearance, online marketplaces. Hand-me-downs.
Seriously, ask. I have a lot of clothes. An excess. Our local thrift store is usually overwhelmed by donations, so I would rather give to somebody who I know has a need. I am almost 45 and reaching the point at which I think I will likely have no more children, and I have much to unload. But I don't want my gifts to be burdens to somebody who doesn't really want or need them. And while we likely don't live close to each other, there's gotta be a person like me near you.
Hang in there; it does get easier. Unless you have 3 or more children really close together. . . then it gets harder before it gets easier. With my "baby" at 5, I am finally in the "getting easier" part of life. I hope. 🙂
It's been 30 years since my son was a baby, but I can tell you it will save your sanity to keep the number of toys low. Decide how many you want to pick up off the floor several times a day. Keep that many out and put the rest away. When she gets bored with the ones on display, swap them for the ones that have been stored away.
My aunt worked at a resale shop and kept us supplied with secondhand clothes for our little guy, which was good because we were poor as dirt at the time. We also subscribed to the idea that Gerber onesies and longies make excellent wardrobe basics if you don't have anywhere fancy to go. He basically lived in them day and night.
I have twins (they are now 16!) and I always shopped at our local parents of multiples club consignment sale. I got tons of clothes and expensive items like boots and snowpants at the sale every year, and I'd buy ahead and store it until the girls grew into them. (I also sold outgrown clothes and other items and made a lot of money that way too.) Prices are great and half the time you're buying stuff that was barely worn. You might look into whether there is a parents of multiples club in your area and see whether they have sales. During covid, when sales aren't happening, try Facebook Marketplace and eBay for items that people are selling or giving away. Our local listserv is very helpful too. To answer your question - yes, you will constantly be buying stuff until they stop growing. 🙂 Oh, one more thing, Old Navy has great sales - when they have a 50% off sale going on, stock up.
(waving!)
My twins are 15 and I LOVED selling and shopping our Bi-Annual sale!! Until my kids hit puberty! Even though they are not the oldest in the group we are MUCH taller/bigger built than most of my friends kids so that was a really sad year! lol
My twins are two and I desperately miss these sales right now... there is a Facebook group but it isn’t the same!
Besides Marketplace, eBay and Amazon check to see if your area runs BuyNothingNew or Freecycle groups. These are often neighborhood/area based and a great way to get clothes, toys and other essential items.
Our local group of BNN started as a small bunch of "old ladies" but now includes quite a few families with kids so there's a fairly active exchange of baby/kids stuff.
It IS easy to get caught up in *need* to shop for stuff. Clothing wise I kept things very gender neutral and simple limited quantities with my 3 (BGB). She did have some cute girlie stuff for going out and photo ops.. but for being home, sleeping etc they wore what was clean! Much easier to do when you have a washer and dryer at home. For years I was able to really stock up on clearance deals at places like Childrens Place and Gymboree- for higher quality and much less then walmart/Target prices.. After early years I realized my younger son was a totally different build then older son so I stopped saving his clothing and sold his as soon as I could. Early elementary school years brought LOTS of ruined pants and stained shirts in addition to growth spurts so we did not invest in them. Now that all my kids are teens and more stable size wise we are able to invest in more quality pieces *named brands* items b/c they wear them longer and take care of them more.
If you have a kid in sports though there will be costs associated... each year I invest in a new pair of court shoes for my daughter.. her old ones LOOK great on the outside.. but the bottom and the interior support material is shot from wear and tear.. so I purchase new to prevent injury! Same with new knee pads etc.
We have a high end thrift store chain called “Plato’s Closet” in Eastern PA. My 14 year old son loves it. Name brand clothes that are all in great condition for a fraction of retail cost.
Yes, kids require stuff, although it is the worst when they are infants, and yes to all of these ideas, and especially, yes to mentioning to friends and family that you will need "X, Y or Z" for the baby if they hear of a good one being sold used or given away.
My daughter and her friends, who all have young kids, will trade back and forth: clothes, infant seats, strollers, toys, cribs. If one has (trusted) friends who are in the same child-bearing stage, this can be very handy as well as free.
So happy for you, Katie!
I agree with Kristen on making lists. My kids are 6, 4, and 2. I have a piece of paper for each with charts of what clothes I have for them so I know where we're lacking and don't overbuy on things we already have. My 6yo is in size 6 right now, so her chart has columns for sizes 6, 7, and 8. Then if I'm at a yard sale and find an awesome deal on quality size 7 jeans I know how many I have and what I need. I buy ahead and put them in white garbage bags labeled with name, size, and season. Cheaper and more space-saving than tubs. Buying ahead allows me to not get stuck buying whatever's available at whatever price because I'm in a jam. I've struck out a couple of times (like the summer my oldest ONLY wanted to wear dresses and I had a bunch of t-shirts and shorts for her) but overall I've saved a ton of money buying things for fifty cents or $1 per piece. Probably 95% of my kids clothes are from yard sales or hand-me-downs. You can find some great stuff.
I also second what an earlier reader commented about how they slow down once they hit age 2.
During COVID, a few friends and I have started a charity picking up gently used goods (or many unused goods) from an affluent neighborhood and giving them away at tables at local foodpantries - there's a lot of income inequality in my area, so we have $4 million dollar homes a mile from food pantries with 2 hour queues.
But what we have learned is there is SO much baby stuff that kids outgrow quickly that parents are happy to unload. If you can put up a post in a local facebook group, or a facebook group in a nearby very affluent area, with a list of what you need in the next 6-9 months, you are likely to get ALL of it for free.
Join your local Buy Nothing Group. When I see things offered that my kids will need in the future, I grab them. Worse case is you offer them back up to the group if your child doesn't use them. I try to keep clothes, shoes, socks, and winter gear on hand for 1-2 years in advance. I store it all in tubs in the basement and write on the lid what is in there.
For diapers and wipes, I order large quantities at a time from Wal-Mart and get free shipping.
When I was a kid, we got a LOT of hand-me-downs from my cousins who were older and lived cross-country. A package from MA meant, school clothes, tennis shoes, Barbies, socks. All kind of wonderful things. It was probably the equivalent of Thread Up today. Once people in your family know there is a new 10 month old baby,. they may surprise you and start sending hand-me-down gift packs! if you come from a frugal family--
Postage is REALLY expensive, though, right?
I wouldn't think shipping would be that expensive. Baby clothes are tiny, so they don't weigh much. If people start sending large toys (which I bet the OP doesn't want), that could make the postage more expensive.
Kristen, this made me day! 🙂 I am looking forward to reading the comment section tonight when I get home!! Thank you!!
Great advice! I’m a first time mom with 2-year-old twins. I would add that used sale sites (mainly Facebook and Kijiji- which even work during Covid with contactless transactions) have been a lifesaver for us. (As have used kids stores, and our local association for parents of multiples.) We get hand-me-downs but regularly need to fill in gaps in clothing and gear. Also, the first year is the most intense for growth and going through things, so the pace does eventually slow down, at least a little.
My suggestion is to limit the number of clothing items per child. My 5 yo son has 8 outfits, 4 yo daughter has 12, and 20 mon daughter has about 15. I do at least 2 loads of laundry a week between their clothes, my "mom" work clothes, and my park ranger husband. No one ever runs out of anything before laundry is done again. That's helped so much because I just do a seasonal swapout twice a year and fill in where they need something. Otherwise I don't think about it. I do give grandparents clothing sizes, usually plus one size, at holiday/birthday time. I appreciate having grandparents that will give them a need and a want!
I definitely agree with buying/procuring things ahead of time! Some things like pajamas, snow boots etc don’t really go out of style. Definitely find a few FB sale groups for kids items. I also buy things from friends who post things even if they are a few sizes too big if it’s a great deal!
Our son and daughter-in-law are expecting their first baby. It is fun to watch them hunting facebook marketplace, and the base ads to find some amazing deals on clothes and equipment. The only 2 things I would buy new are a car seat and a stroller. A good stroller will last through all the babies, so for us, it was worth buying a good new one. The rest of it can be bought used.
The baby stage is the time to save-used items are plentiful and cheap. The teenage stage is the expensive one-car insurance, college, etc. Those things can't be bought used! The only thing we bought for our first baby for her 1st birthday was one book. She wouldn't have known if we hadn't bought anything. But we had a goal, which was to pay for college. THAT she does remember!
When my kids were elementary school age they knew that we did not buy much new. And if they needed a clothing item, they knew that the box with the stored clothes in the next size would come down off the shelf and we would have fun looking through it. They always asked, "Who did this come from?" The arrival of a bag of clothes from some generous friend was always an occasion that would find all the kids and I on the floor rooting through the clothes. It was like Christmas!
These are really sweet memories-even my adult kids speak with fondness of those times, and they continue to do the same as adults.
I am thankful when I can pass on clothes and household items to others, knowing well the happiness it brings the recipient.
Join an "Everything Is Free" Facebook page (or other page where people pass things along for free! Remember once done with an item parents really, really want to pass it along - to make room for the NEXT item! I have older kids now, but I see lots of baby and kid items on our local Everything is Free site.
Do not be afraid to buy or acquire used items for you children. They are young and have no idea, so please do it to keep the waste, and cost, down while you can. Once they are older they may have opinions.
Our local site that is called “Buy Nothing” and then the city name. I think it’s a whole movement
We have a one shoe rule for our kids while they’re small. They don’t understand matching or occasions (during Covid there are NONE!) We also keep small wardrobes for them (and ourselves) because we do laundry every other day. My 11 month old has maybe 10 outfits and the older kids maybe 7.
Make lists of needs. Shop way ahead of time. Shop summer clothes in october ...
In thrift stores....know where you put things.....getting a great teapot for sister does no good if you cant find it. Fill in with nice new items on sale. Budget your food money. Plant small garden of peppers cukes and tomatoes and zucchini