Right now...
I am tired.
I usually write posts the night before, and I had intentions of sitting down tonight (Tuesday night) and writing another edition of our Tightwad Gazette series.
But I am too tired.
Actually, the problem is more that my brain is feeling fried; I feel like I can't concentrate enough to do justice to a section of the Tightwad Gazette.
I had an exam on Monday and another one on Tuesday, so of course I spent the majority of the prior three days studying, studying, studying. That's probably more what's causing the brain exhaustion than the exams themselves!
Just like with painting, it's the prep work that kills you. 😉
I know I'm doing a good job in school; I'm getting good grades, but more importantly, I am really, truly learning things, as opposed to just cramming and memorizing.
I am working hard to understand things, put pieces together, and make connections.
As it turns out, doing this makes you rather tired.
I am so, so close to finishing this first 8-week class, though. Lemme tell you how close!
I have:
- clinical Wednesday (today as you read this)
- clinical Thursday
- a group presentation Thursday
- a remediation assignment due Saturday (a review assignment for NCLEX prep)
- a 100-question final next Wednesday
And I only have to get a 75/100 on the final to keep my grade, so that's not too stressful.
After that, I have a four-day break before pediatrics (another 8-week course) starts.
But I have several pediatric pre-course assignments to do before day 1, so it's not quite exactly a break. 😉 And I'm also trying to squeeze in my two required October tech shifts at the hospital.
I keep reminding myself that the end is in sight. Once I finish the 8-week pediatrics class, I'll have just ONE more semester left.
I can do this, one day at a time, one module at a time, one exam at a time.
But right now, I am going to go to bed and hope that some sleep helps my brain reset.
Thanks for hanging with me during nursing school!
P.S. To give you an idea of my current mental state: I got my exam grade (a 50/50!!) while I was in the CVS parking lot yesterday morning, and I promptly burst into tears because I was very happy but also very tired. And when I am very tired, sometimes happiness comes with salt water. 😉
That doesn't just sound tiring - it sounds utterly exhausting! Congratulations on the high grades but also give yourself some grace 🙂 The most important thing is that you are working so hard and doing your best. We totally understand if you need to skip posting on stressful days.
I'm tired too. I'm not going to nursing school but I do go to evening class after work and today I am just worn out. I slept through my alarm!
Take care!
Btw sleep is never ever optional.
@JNL,
From a point and click video game, but I think about it often and crack up. The first part is said in a very defiant macho way, and the second part is like a verbal shrug:
"I'll sleep when I'm dead! ...or, later tonight..."
You are doing an awesome job actually learning the material. Keep taking care of yourself though. You have to put your oxygen mask on first.
Kristen, all of your hard work is paying off!!
Keep hanging in there!
You're killing it. Like you said, keep your eyes on the horizon. You will be an excellent nurse between your book learning and experiences. Anyone would be lucky to have you.
Your sanity > Tightwad Gazette series.
I hope you feel less tired soon.
Only one more semester after this? Time really does fly. Even if it's not all fun. 🙂 Good luck with the last push!
My son in law is a nurse. And I remember the second year, my daughter calling me and very angrily talking about her husband not doing anything but school work and studying -- he wasn't even working his CNA job at least once a month. So now I get what he was doing that second year and what you are doing. I am in awe of anyone that can do nursing!!! You've got this!
P.S. If you feel the need to skip a posting, we fully understand! Take care of you first!
@Maureen, I agree with your P.S. All Kristen needs to do is rerun the photo of Chiquita in the laundry basket and say, "Nap time!"
@A. Marie, perfect, nay, purr-fect plan.
@A. Marie,
I want a human-sized basket that I can fill with just-out-of-the-dryer laundry to take a nap in. And Chiquita to snuggle with, of course. 🙂
You're doing great! Every time I read your progress reports, I feel like a proud parent even if I don't personally know you.
Right now, my stomach is bursting with stress and anxiety. I have way too much to do and not enough energy to do it. I have to have a surgeon look at the large hematoma on my hip, and get bloodwork done. I have a nagging issue on a website I created. I have to pack up and mail some ebay things, do laundry, and throw out a dress of mine that puppy is currently ripping up. How he managed to get it, I don't know.
I have 90 pages to edit in Acrobat, which I hate. Why not Word Track Changes, people? Why? On top of this I am supposed to be coming up with three article ideas for a national magazine and my brains are too scrambled to think of anything. I have to call some people and write a book proposal.
I'm worried about world issues and the hurricane. I'm annoyed at myself for its being October and I did nothing but sit around and stress all summer. I'd go play the piano but it's painfully out of tune. Deep breaths. Watch the puppies fight to the death over a used Q tip. They're good for comic relief, anyway.
@Rose, Whoops, thought this was one of those Today I Am... posts. Nevermind.
@Rose, I am also very worried about the hurricanes/the climate and political and world issues. I struggle with being An Aware Citizen and balancing my own mental health.
@Rose, triage, then choose the one next indicated step and git-'er-dun. One thing at a time.
@Andrea G / Midwest Andrea, More selfishly, I am also worried what these hurricanes are going to do to my homeowner's insurance. I was dropped after Katrina because of being too close to the ocean. Will my current people drop me and if so, how much more will I have to pay? I love living here but I pay and pay and pay for it.
@Rose,
In my mind, it's not being selfish to be concerned about your homeowners insurance as it relates to the hurricane, in addition to worrying about the folks most directly affected by it. You love your home, OF COURSE YOU DO, because LI's beaches are incredible, plus all the family history, you've been working with your org person to make your home the way you want it to be, etc. etc. With any luck, this will be a non-issue - other than the fact that insurance in general is going up everywhere.
I agree with what Central Calif. Artist Jana said - the way I look at it is, which are the most time-sensitive things on your list - pick something that has the closest deadline, and do that first. or, do one of the harder/disliked things, get it out of the way, then do something "easier/liked". Me, I'm a list maker, and get great satisfaction making lists and then crossing off the "done" items after I do them. 🙂
Girl, you got this!
@Liz B., Thanks, folks, I know all this. It's just I freeze and find it immensely hard to do anything once I'm paralyzed with anxiety. None of what I feel is normal, I know that and understand it. It's just after so many years of what feels like horrible trauma, I just can't any more. Years and years of being on top of everything and the hits just keep on coming and now I'm a zombie.
@Rose,
I understand. I've been there many times myself. It's just a LOT.
Mental note: call piano tuner and then teach Jasper to play "Fur Elise." He already stretches and puts his paws on the keys to play a couple notes, but that and $3 will get me a ride on the subway. Youtube fame! And Chopin!
@Rose,
See? There ya go! And we here in the Commebtariat can say, "we knew her long before she became famous...." 🙂
@Liz B.,
Commentariat....sheesh....(eye roll)....
We are happy with cat photos. Hang in there!
One step at a time will get you to your goal…. Just be sure to sleep between some of the steps! You are doing a great job and I would be pleased to have you as my tech/nurse.
Those 8 week courses are no joke...even for easier classes, which yours are not! 4 day break between doesn't seem like much to recover. At that pace, you really have to schedule in some relax time or it can always be eaten up by something.
I also get the salt water when I'm exhausted...especially mentally exhausted. It's rough.
Congratulations on your perfect exam grade and all the other excellent results of your hard work!
And now listen to Chiquita. Chiquita is wise. Go catch some Z's (although not necessarily in the laundry basket)!
Also, I wish you could all hear my Betty right now. She's lying on her favorite afghan on the sofa, snoring. SNORING!!
@A. Marie,
LOL! Our elderly girl cat Lovey snores sometimes, too.....so cute!
As my husband likes to tell my Type A self when I'm trying to push through more projects, "If you're tired, just be tired. Making yourself *more* tired just means more work later when you have to redo things." It's okay to just be tired, Kristen. Take Chiquita's lead and embrace naps when you've the time. I did not appreciate the magic of naps as a child, but I most certainly do as an adult!
@N,
Years ago, when one of my kids was little and fussing about having to eat lunch then take a nap, my DH dryly remarked, "I wish someone would force ME to eat lunch then take a nap." And I couldn't agree more.
@JD, Ain't that the plain truth.
Oh wait, Mom cut my sandwich into triangles. I think I'll throw a tantrum.
@Rose, on rectangle day no less.
You and Chiquita go lie down when you get home today. Rest is a requirement for life. I say this even though I am the first to admit that I will stall at going to bed, which is insane of me to do. For me, it's something about needing wind-down time before I go to sleep, so I find myself sitting in a chair when I should be in bed. Don't be like me! Be like Chiquita.
@JD, sometimes I stay up too late because I am too tired to take out my contact lenses. Could a person get any more stupid-tired than that?
You are doing amazing!! It's totally understandable that you are exhausted, it will be worth it though as you are going to be a fantastic nurse!
You’re doing great! I’ve read your blog for years, and I’m so proud of you! I’m worried about Chiquita, though! She looks very exhausted, and I wonder if she’s getting 20/24 hours of sleep/day?! Lol.
@Susan_SFl,
LOL! We always joke about our Lafayette getting his 23 hours sleep/day.
Why am I thinking of that "Hang in There!" poster of the cat hanging on for dear life....
You can do this! You can see the finish line ... all the way from the CVS parking lot. ;-}
You're doing great! Your work now will pay off in spades.
Bravo! Give yourself a big pat on the back for a job well done and follow Chiquita's relaxation schedule - she's a great role model!
Honestly, I'm amazed at all the constructive, creative, nourishing things you get done in the midst of nursing school (& prior). Your delicious meals, projects, symphonies, walks, blogging! - all while being a great mom and student. Thanks for hanging with US during 8-week nursing school craziness!
Just think what you have been through and accomplished in the last two years. No wonder you are tired. Making dreams come true is sometimes exhausting. But you will get there. And you will be happy.
Kristen, I’m kind of worked up just reading your schedule. Please take care of yourself in every way. We will keep. We must have you back here because you have created something unique in today's world. A place of easy sharing and comfort. However, your health comes first and foremost.
I continue to be amazed at how much work nursing school is. Stands to reason, sure; but seeing it in process, through your index cards, etc. makes it quite real.
Also: The Treasure House! Has the place been flipped and hav new tenants arrived?
HANG IN THERE! SO close!! I also get weepy when I get exhausted! That laundry basket of clean warm clothes does look inviting!!Chiquita has the right idea!
As a Nursing student I sort of knew I wanted Labor and Delivery, but I enjoyed my pediatrics rotation so much I signed up for an extra one when we had a choice at one point. During my career I “floated” frequently to peds so I got to do both!
Thanks for sharing even when you’re so tired… good luck with all the things coming up.. your’e gonna ace it all!!
Hope you and Chiquita got to enjoy some quality laundry basket nap time! 🙂 You've been working really hard!
If Honey Boo Boo can make it in nursing school at 17 after her mom spent all her money on crack I’m sure you can do it too. Hang in there. I wish you both well.
Deep breaths. Repeat deep breath. Again. Keep doing until normal breathing. 🙂
You're doing great!
Now please get some sleep when you can. Keep that phone charged & calendar alerts on (just in case you need reminders) & don't forget to eat something. Don't be surprised if you sleep a lot (Friday?) on day off, your body needs it.
You do what you need to do to get through. We are all cheering for you! Even during the crazy. 😉
@Regina,
I frequently take a nap when I get home from work on Fridays....and then I'm ready for bed at the usual time, and sleep great that whole night. I have a friend at work who "can't nap", and I feel sorry for her.
You go, girl!! You are an amazing role model.
Kristen
Do not worry about posting. Your focus must be your education for your nursing career.
Your schedule is demanding. Learning so much at any age is tough but let's be honest, at this stage of life, our brains have been working hard, nonstop, for a lot longer than if we were in high school or college.
You get to what you get to. You posting every day with your schedule is amazing, but we'll still be here even if you can't post every day. I don't speak for others but I think we'd all agree that we wouldn't want to see you have any more stress that might come from thinking you have to post each and every day.
Please. Do what you need to do for you. We're not going anywhere!
Thank you. <3
@Irena, I completely agree!
Performing at such a high level for so long is incredibly exhausting. I do appreciate how our body is designed to have that natural release of tears! For me at least, it really helps relieve tension and lingering anxiety which can come even when the news is good! All the emotions are heightened in this state of alertness and limited margin.
You're so close to the finish line! Keep up the great work 🙂
I remembered bursting into tears once as a teenager, after a piano performance, even though it had gone very well. I think my nervous buildup just had to get released somehow! lol
Intense, exhausting, exhilarating, anticipatory, seemingly endless, but imminently doable. PROUD OF YOU, YEPPERS, WE ARE!!
You are such a sweet cheerleader!
You are doing great, Kristen!! And we are happy to cheer you on through these full days.
You keep truckin', girl! You're doing a great job and we all understand how much work you're doing. I have a suggestion for something you can do on days like that: pose us a question. You could even solicit questions from us. I have one I'll send you.
That's a good idea! I'm officially open to taking question suggestions. 🙂
I've a question too, and you can ignore it if you prefer:
How is your relationship with your parents? Obviously, they're the ones who raised you in the toxic purity culture swamp. You're older and wiser now. Are you annoyed with them? Have their views evolved? Do your brothers still subscribe to those beliefs?
Well, like many Christian parents of the 80s and 90s, I think they did this with the very best of intentions, so I give grace for that. It was hardly unusual at the time, particularly in the subset of Christian homeschoolers. I don't believe that they would do things again exactly the same way, but then, that is true for many of us as we look at our parenting in hindsight.
So, while I staunchly maintain that purity culture had some very harmful effects on those of us raised in it, I have space to have grace for parents' good intentions.
You are doing great, Kristen! The end is in sight! Just take it one day at a time.
You are doing AMAZING! And of all the HARD things you have dealt with through the years.. THIS hard thing comes with an amazing ending! You got this!
Oh Kristen, I need to go take a nap now, just reading about your life. You’re doing great! I appreciate you making a place for us here on the internet today.
Just want to chime in and say that I doubt your community would mind a post of cat pictures every now and then as you kick a$$ in nursing school. 🙂
Kristen, you are doing great! Nursing school is a different experience, so hard to describe unless you have been through it yourself. Keep going one step at a time, you are making so much progress!
I was sorry to hear about your first stethoscope- it may turn up yet. When I bought my first stethoscope, my peers recommended getting one that was an uncommon color. That way it would be easy to tell if mine was being used/borrowed by someone else. I was told that it is pretty easy to take off identification labels. So, I chose a yellow stethoscope that lasted over 20 years. 🙂
I worked two jobs and attended an intense evening program to get my doctorate. AND I got unexpectedly but joyfully pregnant in the middle of that (at age 40). I knew if I took time off for the pregnancy I'd never finish, so I just kept swimming, swimming, swimming.
So I totally get where you are now, and you go, Girl! You're doing great. No apologies necessary.
SAME! I cry when I'm overly fatigued or when I'm angry ha. Of course, you've got this! Cheering you on! And everyone you care for in the future will benefit from the fact that you are deeply learning and understanding the material and connections.
Every overwhelming season of life shall pass. And another overwhelming one might be on the horizon. But I guess each phase helps us to continue to stretch, learn, and grow. I just had my first day of 5 weeks of radiation treatments, so I'm speaking to myself too 😉 One day at a time. If not that, one hour, or even one minute at a time. We just keep making progress <3
It is a season of sacrifice for you. You're doing exactly what's right! The Tightwad Gazette will be waiting whenever you're ready to tackle it. And don't think a post like this one is a non-event: I and many of your readers are super interested in your journey through nursing school.
Two things…well, actually, three! First, you’re doing great! Second, as a professor, I can attest to how hard those short classes are on both sides of the podium. This week I finish teaching an 8 week class! Third, and the most important … taking the time you’re doing to study is gold! The problem with short time classes is that while expedient, they give you very little time to process, absorb, and reflect on the information. Studying with a focus on trying to put things together is an excellent strategy and will help you remember the information long past the last class session. Keep up the good work!
You'll get through it. I worked an average of 60 hours a week when my kids were first born/young as well as doing all the financials/paperwork for my husband's business. We did have pets and I will tell you cats are less work than kids (but you already knew that).
I for one will not be on iota upset if you don't post a blog five days a week. Matter of fact, I'm asking you to give yourself a pass at least one day a week (though I do like reading what people ate, how much they spent is not as important).
Give it some thought. You're one of the rare blogs I read that posts five days a week.
I hear this! I just started this new job and my brain feels like it’s been through my grandmother’s old mangle. My grandfather had hooked it up to a diesel engine to spare her the cranking.
Think about how much your brain must be growing! Surely this must be good in the same way that weight lifting is good for mitigating muscle loss.
Oh yes, between homeschooling for so long and then going to school, I think I am giving my brain sufficient exercise to see benefits! lol
Mental fatigue is a absolutely a thing! You are killing it, Kristen in spite of the huge effort that is nursing school. I hope you have some HUGE celebration planned when yo finish school (after you get some well-deserved relaxation!). Perhaps another FG Meet-up to celebrate?
You've got this, Kristen! The end is in sight, take care of yourself.
Kristen, I hear your fatigue, but I know (KNOW) that you’ve got this. Your priorities are exactly right. Speaking as a retired RN, I know that in future years you will be thankful to have been in such a rigorous nursing program. You are going to be *superbly* prepared for the NCLEX! Hang in there — the end is getting closer…
Yes, I remind myself that a rigorous school helps to ease the path into becoming a nurse!
Congratulations on your 50/50!!!! :))))
SO VERY PROUD OF YOU AND FOR YOU!!!
Awww, thank you!
You are a very hardworking lady!