Q&A | Step tracker, Aldi vs. Lidl, hoarder homeowner, & mastermind groups
I have a collection of question from you all, so buckle up for some random topics!
What activity tracker do you use?
A lot of you asked this when I shared the screenshot of my steps for the month of May.
I have a Withings Steel watch that tracks my steps and my sleep, and their app is the one I use.
I know that's not a very helpful answer because the app only works if you have a Withings tracker!
I like this watch because it looks like a regular, stylish watch; there's nothing digital on the face. I also like that it does the bare minimum: it tracks my sleep and steps. I don't care about heart rate or tracking a variety of activities!
The exact watch I have is not available anymore (I got it for Christmas several years ago), but the Withings Move is probably the most similar, feature-wise, to what I have. It just looks a bit more sporty.
If you want the gold/gray combo that I have, you could get the Steel HR but all of the current Steel watches do have a small digital circle display for the heart rate (my Steel does not track heart rate).
Just curious, have you been able to unearth any info about the previous homeowner(s) of the abandoned house that you’re able to share? Your finds/dig seem so archeological.
-Helen
(In case you're new, click here for a Q&A that will get you caught up on the abandoned house situation!)
From what we can gather, both from things we found in the house and from chats with neighbors, the previous homeowner had some eccentricities and maybe some mental health challenges. We also know she went through a really upsetting divorce at one point.
I figure that all this collecting/hoarding/obsessive yard-sale-ing was probably some kind of coping mechanism for her. She didn't really seem to have used or displayed all the stuff she owned, but she must have derived some kind of comfort from buying it.
I don't know exactly why no one else in the family took care of cleaning up/selling the house when the homeowner died, but I can totally imagine that the job felt overwhelming!
It looks like someone went in there and made an effort at one point (there were some things in bags and boxes), but maybe they just couldn't sustain the effort required.
My sister-in-law and I are diehard "Don't throw this away!" type of people, and even we could only sustain our efforts for limited amounts of time. It's just SO MUCH STUFF and by this time, it's all so dirty, it's even harder to sort through.
So. I have compassion for the homeowner and also compassion for her children/grandchildren. I like to think that she would be happy to see that I am cleaning up and rehabbing her treasures, and I think she'd be gratified to know that her stuff came into my life at a time when I really needed dishes and furniture.
What do you think of Lidl? We are getting one soon. How does it compare? I have found everything you said about Aldi to hold true in our branch.
-Gail
Let's answer this with bullet points!
Pros:
- they have a bigger selection of items than Aldi
- they carry some name brands (such as Dave's Killer Bread and Clif bars)
- they have tons of private-label items, just like Aldi does
- they have some good sales, especially on produce
- they are cheaper than regular grocery stores
- they have a bakery
- they have a rewards program
Cons:
- prices are a little higher than at Aldi
- the stores are bigger (a little less efficient to shop in than Aldi)
- they have TONS of special purchase items, which could lead to excess spending
- the store layout always feels odd to me (I have a hard time finding things, but maybe that's because I am used to Aldi!)
- there's no quarter cart-return system, so sometimes there are no carts by the door (this is never a problem at Aldi)
- the Lidl in the fancy area has higher prices than the Lidl in the not-as-fancy zip code
Basically, I prefer Aldi because low prices are very important to me. But given the current price of gas, I will generally choose to stop in at whichever store I am closest to...if it's Aldi, great. If it's Lidl, that's fine too.
No matter where I shop, I apply my usual grocery tactics by watching sales, purchasing store brands, buying ingredients vs. meals, and so on.
And this is a good time to put out a reminder: your choice of grocery store and even your choice of what to buy at said grocery store matters way less than the fact that you are grocery shopping and then eating at home.
(For the price of eating out, you can practically buy lobster. At Safeway.)
So, yes, optimize your grocery shopping if you can, but remember that if you are eating at home, you have already done the most important thing for your food budget!
I've been a reader for several years now. I've never written to a blogger before, but I have a question that I was hoping you could either answer through email or a blog post. I'm a mom in my late 30s with kids. I currently work full-time, but my work is not as meaningful or as flexible as I'd like it, and I'm planning to start a side business one or two evenings a week to see if it's something I could eventually transition to as my "main gig."
The side business is related to my degree, which I have the credentials to do, but I've worked in a somewhat unrelated field for a few years now so I feel like there's some skills I'd really like to brush up on as I get started. I first learned about mastermind groups through your blog, and I'd really like to join one that is geared toward professionals in my field who also run small businesses. However, I can't figure out how or where to join one. Is it customary to pay a fee to join one? How do you find a group that fits your niche?
-M
I've never been in a paid mastermind, although I'm sure they exist.
This is a little tricky to answer since I don't know what your field is, but I think first I'd try to find other people online who are in your niche. Join Facebook groups, follow other people on Instagram in your field, and start to build relationships with like-minded people.
Once you've found those people, ask around about mastermind groups. You might ask your peers, or you might ask someone who is a leader in your field.
For instance, if I wanted to get into furniture flipping as a full-time job, I'd find groups on Facebook where people rehab furniture, I'd follow people on Instagram who make a living doing that, and I'd also find groups related to running an online business (that group wouldn't need to be in my niche specifically).
I'd try to make some connections from there and ask around to see if anyone is running a mastermind with openings.
And if all else fails, YOU could start one by inviting other people in your niche.
Our setup is very simple: we meet every other week on Zoom, we rotate moderation duties, and two people are on the hot seat every week, sharing updates about their last goal and sharing a new accountability goal. And the rest of us who are in attendance help answer questions, troubleshoot, and brainstorm about whatever challenges the people in the hot seat are facing.
So, it's not rocket science, and I bet you could start one if push comes to shove.
Readers, if you have input on any of these questions, do share!
P.S. If you have a question you'd like me to answer in a future Q&A post, just email it to me.
Re: the hoarding: I have watched some of those shows where people have their filled houses cleaned out for them, and it's so frustrating to see people who can't even let go of their trash or rotten food without sifting through it first. I can well imagine family members of this homeowner being overwhelmed by the job of clearing it out, and I salute Kristen and her sister-in-law for doing as much as they have. Sometimes it seems an event - divorce, death, major illness - seemed to be a tipping point that starts the behavior, so perhaps the previous homeowner's divorce was indeed the tipping point.
I knew a couple whose house was always cluttered - they hated housework and put everything else before doing much beyond the most rudimentary parts of it - but when they both started having major health events as they approached retirement age, the house became filled to the brim and unmanageable. They literally had a pathway through the kitchen and living room and couldn't access some of their rooms at all. It happens more than we know.
@JD,
I think this does happen quite often.
Physical limitations later in life definitely can impact one’s ability to clean. I have also noticed that in many elderly people (my MIL and my momma) organizational skills seem to diminish early. It was easy to help my mother, because she had been organized most of my life and was compliant. We hired a housekeeper to come in every other week and helped her to do simple tasks by doing them together.
However, my MIL was never organized and became worse as she aged. To make matters even more difficult, she had problems with her sight and could not see how dirty things were. She became very agitated and nasty whenever anyone tried to help her. She was terrified to lose her independence, so she fought almost all help. My husband and I were persistent and did what we could. We were the only ones of the 5 children that did. Some people just make it so hard to help them even when you know that they need it and you love them.
After a loved one dies, there is a lot of emotion attached to stuff. Parting with your parents worldly belongings is often tantamount to saying a final good-bye not only to them but to your childhood. When given this task, some already have their own irrational emotions about stuff or are overwhelmed by the extent of the work. Sometimes there is fighting and resistance among family members. Most frequently, the will and the estate — just like the house— is just a mess.
I just want to repeat my recommendation of "Grey Gardens," the acclaimed documentary. The Beales are hoarders--but they have spirit. Jackie Onassis had their house (Grey Gardens) cleaned up, but they were right back to filth again not too long after. Hoarding is a mental illness and if that's not treated--any cleanups will be temporary.
@JD, I think you're absolutely right about major negative life events as tipping points for hoarding. One of my dear neighbors, I'm afraid, has experienced this.
Whether or not my neighbor was hoarding before her husband's death 18 years ago, I don't know. Her beloved only sister, when she came in for visits, used to try to clean things up a bit--but then the sister died in a tragic freak accident 8 years ago. (I can no longer enjoy that joke about the Wicked Witch of the West, "She's never been the same since that house fell on her sister." In my neighbor's case, a porch roof fell on her sister.)
And my neighbor's hoarding, alas, has gotten exponentially worse since then. I can occasionally coax her to put some newspapers on the curb for recycling, and I'm trying to be the change I wish to see by working on disposing of DH's things and talking casually about this. But I can only do so much without alienating her, and I'm not a relative and have no legal standing. So it's terribly sad.
@A. Marie,
It is very sad (and what a horrible freak accident to happen to the sister!), you are right. Plus, it's extremely dangerous as well. Dirt, vermin infestations, bugs, and trying to get out in case of a fire, just to start with.
@Rose, I read a book recently entitled, Coming Clean: A Memoir by Kimberly Rae Miller. She spent much of her life on Long Island and was the daughter of a hoarder. The profound effect this had on her life is heart wrenching. However, the love, compassion and the understanding that she has for her parents is touching.
@Bee, Fantastic. I will have to look for it.
and yes I will still nag about Grey Gardens until every one of you has seen it! Ha. It's on Youtube. It's an amazing film.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9sCdPdoKLk
@Rose, I will watch it today!! Thanks for the "nag"!!
I admire your compassion for the previous homeowner, we never know the internal battles a person may be facing, or what other factors might have influenced their current behavior. My mom had a hard time letting go of books, but she was a dedicated educator and endlessly curious. Also, she was raised right after the Great Depression in a family that didn't have a ton of money so they learned to hold onto and reuse things as much as possible. When she passed we had so much stuff to sift through, it's been three years and we are still not done, (Covid slowed our progress and we don't all live in the same city.) She was a wonderful, kind, generous, and loving mom and even though it's frustrating to be left to deal with her stuff, that doesn't erase all the good there was in her.
I agree about cooking at home. Our 25th anniversary is coming up and hubby graciously and generously offered to treat me to a dinner of filet mignon at a local steakhouse, but HOLY COW, the prices are insane!! I just can't fathom spending that much on dinner. I told him I'd rather have a much more modest meal somewhere else or he can grill a NY strip steak for me at home.
* Thought I would mention that Amazon offers bands of all colors that fit the Withings Move. Just in case anyone was interested in that model but didn't care for the band.
* PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! Say you will be posting after pics of the hoarder house! I love before & afters, and I am dying to see the afters of this house (with your brother's approval, of course!) I get all tingly just thinking about it. (I know...I need an intervention. LOL) If I were the previous homeowner, I would be delighted that someone was finding comfort in the things I left behind and that my treasures are finding new homes and not ending up in a landfill.
*There is no Lidl near me, so I can't compare them with Aldi, but the Aldi near me is always worth the visit.
*I have no experience with Mastermind groups.
I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I posted pictures! It'll be a bit of a wait; probably a winter project for him.
@sfeather, the strap on my not-new, not-old fitbit broke and DH ordered a set of three new ones for dirt cheap om Amazon. They don't fit perfectly and I notice the difference. Sometimes the cheaper option is cheaper for a reason. In this case, I'd look for a band made by the original manufacturer.
While we're on the topic, may I add that I intensely dislike the way fitbit is always trying to upsell me? I never use the website, I just look at the fb to see how many daily steps I take. I know I could use my phone, but I don't carry it with me every second of the day.
@Dicey, I didn't have an issue with the ones I purchased, but others may so thank you for the heads-up.
I have no Lidl near me but would love to try one. This is my fave blog for so many reasons. Great post today.
@Stephanie, my number 1 reason for liking this blog is how Kristen stepped it up during covid. We were all looking for something comforting and stable, Kristen offered that with her blog during covid.
Thanks Kristen it was very much appreciated.
Aww, I'm glad it was helpful for you!
My husband and I are retired (middle 60’d) and active. If he had had a watch with a heart app, he would have known he had afib. Last year he went on a (not unusual) 30-mile bike ride. Came home, had lunch, took a nap, woke up quickly, stood up and then fell very hard. I came home two minutes later and called 911. He ended up in two hospitals for 17 days and had two huge surgeries. He’s fine again but it was so awful. All this could probably have been prevented by a watch or gizmo that checks heart rhythms. So, that’s my pitch for heart apps!!
@Mary Beth Danielson, I have Afib and the cardiologist explained to me that it’s not always detectable on such devices. I have a heart monitor at home and it doesn’t always pick it up. I had to have a 3 days heart monitor to find out I had Afib.
@Isa, you are right. A watch or app is never a substitute for real medical care. Although his first day in the hospital our daughter came to stay the day with us. She has an Apple Watch and when she put it on him, it immediately said Afib rhythm! We asked the cardiac nurse and the cardiologist and they both said many patients first show up due to these devices.
It's probably one of those things where, if you have a positive result, it's rarely wrong. But a negative result may not guarantee all is well.
Sort of like a pregnancy test; false negatives are common, false positives are not.
For M's question (And gosh can I relate to this one!), if it's a field that requires degrees, perhaps try LinkedIn. It's sometimes easier to find people who have that same degree/job/etc. and reach out with that connection. You may also be able to find mastermind groups on there, or consider starting your own if you DONT find one! 🙂
My mother was never the world's most organized person, and it didn't help that she had a good-sized house with some storage, but she kept the rooms people saw tidy. However, she fell into hoarding when she developed dementia and things got out of hand fast, largely because she couldn't remember what she had and bought duplicates, and she didn't have trash service (had to drive to a nearby county dumpster), so she stopped taking out the trash.
It took me three months, working nearly full-time at it, to clean out, clean the floors and paint her house on the inside before selling it. I still hate to think how many van and dumpster loads of things went to the landfill, although I did sell the furniture and a few other things that were in good condition.
A fair amount of stuff from the abandoned house here is going to the dump too; some of it just literally is trash.
Wishing "M" well in finding a mastermind group! I had not heard that term before. You might find state or national professionals in your field have a helpful organization you can find online. There might be a virtual conference you can attend to pick up some ideas or get some names.
Because I can't be the only one in this situation, I note the challenges of living in a small town. I'm in a place of less than 5000, so opportunities through meetup, facebook marketplace, craigslist, volunteer.gov, etc., etc, pretty much do not exist. The facebook groups "I love /small town name/" or "For sale in /small town name/" are full of posts from nearby small towns, and digging through to find the good stuff is quite off-putting.
For a mastermind, location wouldn't matter, though! Our group has people all over America, and one of our members actually lives in England.
But yes, this is definitely relevant when it comes to things like a Buy Nothing group!
@Kristen, True-- I can see how masterminds could come from all over.
Kristen, I've never heard of your brand of tracker but will investigate. I had a Fitbit but sadly the battery died and there isn't a way to fix that or not one that I know of. Aggravating because it should have lasted a few years and it didn't. Grrrrr...
@Molly F.C., Have you contacted the customer service for FitBit? It has been several years, but my husband's FitBit would not work correctly, and they did replace it for him. It's worth a shot to check if you haven't already! Good luck!
Also following along the abandoned house saga! I am a sucker for lost and abandoned, and love trying to imagine the life that was once lived there!
I echo AnnieH in saying that the way you wrote about the previous homeowner and her family was filled with compassion, respect, and kindness.
Something about hoarding strikes a nerve with me, and I'm so fearful of becoming one that I run in the other direction. I get rid of stuff ruthlessly, to the point that it's sort of a joke in my family. I've actually had people come into my house and comment on how little is in here. Along with hoarding, it's probably not the healthiest mindset to have.
And I laughed when I read "At Safeway."!
We could sub, "At Whole Foods", I suppose!
@BJS, I more and more subscribe to the idea of Swedish death cleaning, in which one spends the last few years of life, while still healthy, sending possessions off to those who will use and enjoy them. I make a sweep through the house twice a year to do a big fling, and it's keeping things much better under control.
@Ruby, Any helpful hints for ascertaining when I’m in “the last few years of life”? Lol.
I have a Lidl very close to home and an Aldi and Lidl both within walking distance of work. I prefer Lidl so much more to Aldi, the main reason being I get so frustrated waiting to check out. Either there is a ridiculous line with one cashier, or no line and no cashier in sight. Lidl always has a cashier at at least one register. I have never had a problem finding a cart. I find the prices pretty comparable and have bought many gardening tools that are good quality and inexpensive, and they have really good prices on plants in the spring. In the event that I have had to return something, there has never been a problem. Aldi does have a few items that I can't get at Lidl, but I'm just not that impressed.
@Mary Ann, I loved Lidl until we got one here, literally right next to Aldi! Our Lidl is *very* poorly managed. They have 6 self -checkouts BUT the manager keeps them offline about 80% of the time because he doesn't like them, so you have to stand in line for the ONE cashier which always has a huge line. By comparison, the Aldi next door quickly opens a second register if there are more than 3 people in line.
Also, the produce at my Lidl is absolutely awful, frequently brown, wilted and stinky! And don't get me started on how they *never* have an adequate stock of advertised specials. I arrived within a half hour of their opening last November to buy a cheap turkey and they were sold out. The cashier confided that the first guy in the store bought 50! Their entire supply! Seriously, no limits on sale items? Like I said, I had visited many Lidls prior to getting one in my hometown and loved them all but poor management makes my local one a veritable disaster of a shopping experience! That said, I do wade in occasionally because I really like a few of their products.
@Bobi, how funny. If you switched the store names about opening another register and running out of specials, that would be my situation. I guess a lot depends on who is managing. My friend even called the home office about the poor service in Aldi, but nothing changed.
I wish I had an Aldi or Lidl closer than hours away. Sigh. Speaking of small towns...
On the other hand, the Hamptons Freecycle is off the charts with stuff to give away.
Ohhh, yes, I bet the giveaways in the Hamptons are really something to behold!!
Just as an FYI, prices at Aldi do vary for commodity items such as milk, butter, meat, etc. I spoke to an Aldi manager once, as we have 2 Aldi near me, with different prices at each. She said that Aldi studies other grocery stores near each location and prices commodities to be less than the near (non-Aldi) stores, but uses their prices as a basis. So butter at the Aldi next to the fancy Wegmans is $2.99 because Wegmans butter is $3.49. Butter at the Aldi near cheapo Save A Lot is $1.99 because Save A Lot butter is $2.49. Non commodity items are the same price at all Aldi.
Hope that helps someone 🙂
Oh, interesting! Maybe my perspective is skewed because none of my Aldis are super close to fancier grocery stores.
@Sara, the Aldi across the state line in Georgia is a good bit less expensive than the one closest to my house in Tennessee, and not just due to the 50% reduction in sales tax on food. I had always wondered about the price difference.
I have a friend who is a hoarder. All attempts by family members to help have failed and she is not willing to go to therapy because she does not feel that it is a problem. There is literally only one narrow path from the front door to the room she lives in all the time. The only other path is from the bedroom to the toilet. She has food delivered. I cannot go to her house on days I need help walking because there is not enough room to even use a cane. It is frustrating and horrifying and sad. I work to stay in contact because I know she has almost no friends left but in addition to the physical crowding, the smell in her house is terrible. It breaks my heart. I worry her house will catch on fire and she will not be able to escape.
Gosh, that must be so hard to watch. And it is so interesting that some people can be unbothered by living conditions that most people would consider to be unacceptable/ (I assume your friend is rather unbothered, since she doesn't see this as a problem.)
@Lindsey, your friend sounds as if she's a step or two beyond my neighbor (see my comment on JD's post above). My neighbor's house doesn't stink yet, and she does still buy her own groceries (the concept of food delivery wouldn't even occur to her). But I can see the paths developing through the house. And, like you, I feel helpless to do more than I'm doing, and I fret about the eventual outcome. (She has no children, and the few relatives she has left all live at a distance and have their own problems.)
I am lucky to have an Aldi and a Lidl within 1 block of one another (on my way to/from fitness center)!! I have both apps and watch for veggie & fruit sales. Yes, I have found 1 lb of buttter at Lidle for 2.65 and in a lower income area for 1.75!
I also use a fitbit for steps and sleep and HR. I do have AFib, and have gone to hospital emergency at least 2 times due to sustained rapid (145 bpm) HR.
Re: Hoarding (I know very little about this issue)
I love Dana K White’s podcast, blog, and books. (I’m not affiliated in any way-just a fan.)
She is at:
aslobcomesclean.com
She has two podcast episodes that I found very interesting and compassionate.
Episode 337-Discussion with a Hoarding Cleanout Expert: What Is the Process? In this one, the cleanout expert deals with a tendency toward hoarding in his own life.
Episode 338-Real Progress in a Hoarding Situation Podcast. In this one, the person who is overcoming her hoarding challenges is a mental health professional.
@Meg, I need to check out this podcast - I want to see how she successfully has so many podcasts on the subject.
@WilliamB, I probably wasn’t clear-not all her podcasts are about hoarding. But she shares her decluttering journey and techniques. I find her very encouraging!
Thanks for your thoughts re Lidl vs Aldi. They confirm my suspicions that I would not prefer it to Aldi, and I hate to waste gas and my time going to see. Aside from wanting the lower price points, I appreciate the fewer choices at Aldi because I sometimes feel very overwhelmed by too many options. I looked and there is not a Lidl near our vacation spot, so I guess I'll just put the idea of Lidl to rest for now. The place where we vacation has one big grocery store across the street-used to be a Food Lion and is now a Weis, but it has outrageous prices because their main clientele is the vacation homes and there's literally no competition at all.
I drive twenty minutes away over a bridge to go to an Aldi, and I think even with gas being what it is, it will still be worth it this year! I also like how most Aldis are pretty similar in layout and what they carry, so it makes shopping in an unfamiliar place a little less daunting.
Commenting on the watch used to count steps. I know it doesn’t sound frugal, but my girls gave me a certificate to get an Apple Watch two years ago, on my 83rd birthday. I live alone and they were mostly worried that I would fall down the basement steps. I waited two months till they announced a new model and then got the older version which does have the fall alert on it. Maybe a 6. I have fallen a couple of times, and I get a special ring tone asking if I fell and if I am ok. If I don’t respond, it would be a 911 call. I haven’t been unconscious and was able to respond. Two other times I was working intensely, like edging a garden bed or sawing something, and I got the special ring. I like that it counts my steps and
May either tell me I did better this week than last, or one more short work and I would hit my goal. So I have to say for older singles, I honk they are worth having. Just be sure the fall alert is on the model a person selects.
When you begin the clinical part of nursing training, you are going to want a watch with a sweep hand to take pulse and respiration (yes, they have very portable pulse oximeters and monitors nowadays, but you need to know how to do it manually because they won't always be available. ) Even digital watches can be annoying for that, because sometimes the LED faces dim or darken after 10 - 15 seconds.
I have worked with hoarders and their families when their hoarding gets to the point where it's a significant danger to the hoarder's personal safety to remain in their home.
It's often not just "stuff". Most hoarders' homes are infested with rodents and insects, there are rodent feces everywhere, and sometimes human feces and urine as well (the bathroom breaks down or becomes inaccessible and they won't let anyone in to fix it). Some people hoard dogs or cats and there are animal feces, spoiled food, and even dead pets in the home. There is mold in the walls and carpets, rotted food in cabinets and refrigerators, rotted floorboards with holes. Stuff can be piled floor to ceiling with very small pathways and only one small area to sit or sleep.
Sometimes hoarding is triggered by unresolved issues--usually grief--they are trying to hold on to something missing in their lives. There is also a connection in some people with hoarding and gambling. A hoarder usually cannot control the urge to acquire and hold on to objects (and/or cats, or dogs). Families often think the hoarder "SHOULD" clean everything out, or sometimes families will do the cleaning up for the hoarder (which can cause a great deal of animosity between them), only to find the hoarding behavior quickly returns. So it's not uncommon that hoarders are estranged from their families, and when hoarders die, the families can't face the mess that's left behind. They are angry, bewildered and disgusted that the hoarder lived this way. The hoarder generally cannot control their hoarding behaviors, and the family cannot control the hoarder. I do believe that it is a mental illness and there's generally poor understanding that it is beyond the hoarder's ability to control. I think your compassion for both sides is very kind.
Thank you for the Aldi-Lidl info. Just what i wanted to know.
Sometimes the differences between Lidl and Aldi vary from store to store. For instance, I got several bad packages of chicken from my Aldi so I just skip the fresh meat. But the produce section is fine, while the produce at my sister's Aldi gets fruit flies and is not fresh.
Initially, the Lidl nearest me had more actual groceries, but the junkity-junk in the middle of the store must have been selling better, so they expanded that section and shrunk the groceries down. Lidl has more specialty grocery items always in stock vs. Aldi. And their produce section is larger.
It's closer for me to get to Aldi than it is to Lidl, so I usually do not go to Lidl.
My husband is in a mastermind group that cost $425/month to join when he started; now I believe it's close to $600 for new members.