Q&A | positivity, buy nothing vs. eBay, and piano teaching for newbies
Quick question: How do you manage to keep such a positive outlook during challenging times?
-Jennifer
Hmmm. I've probably answered something similar to this before, but three things briefly:
1. I roll with the sadness/grief/anger when I feel it
I do better if I don't fight the feelings that we label as negative; they move through faster if I just sit with them instead of fighting them.
I try really, really hard to remember that these awful feelings never have lasted forever, even though in the middle of a wave, it's hard to remember that.
You know how when you stand in the ocean and you try to push against a wave, you often get knocked over? But if you just float with the wave, or you dive into it, it's not nearly as bad.
The damage is worse when you resist!
2. I hunt for what is good
All of us have good things in our lives, but if we do not make an effort to find them and focus on them, we might completely miss them.
Our brains are programmed to find danger and problems automatically, but they don't tend to find blessings automatically.
3. I focus on what I can control
When times are hard, there's often a lot that's out of our control. Focusing on that makes me feel helpless and hopeless, so I feel better when I look at what IS in my control.
I can work on my own attitudes.
I can control my own choices.
I can face my problems and take steps to work through the challenges in front of me.
I can work on my own healing.
I can build something new out of wreckage.
To reiterate #1: as counterintuitive as it is, an important part of staying positive and healthy for me is to allow for the variety of real feelings that happen in life. I can be sad/angry sometimes, AND also be happy and positive sometimes.
Hello Kristen!
I hope you are well! I had a quick question for you about deciding when to sell something on ebay vs offer it to your Buy Nothing group. Do you have a rule of thumb you use to decide? I've only ever sold things locally, never through ebay, but I often find myself debating which to try first.
Ann
Ooh, that's a good question!
Something is a good candidate for eBay if:
- it's small/lightweight (shipping will be easy then)
- it's a book (shipping is easy and cheap)
- it's a niche item (no one on Buy Nothing would want it; it needs a bigger audience to find the right person)
- it's got a history of selling for a price that makes it worth my time
If it's something with value and mass appeal but it's heavy and/or large, then I list it on Facebook Marketplace (something like a piece of luggage, for instance).
And if it's something that doesn't fit any of those criteria, then I list it on my Buy Nothing group.
Ohh, also: if I want to get rid of something, like, RIGHT NOW, then Buy Nothing is the best option.
Sometimes it takes a while for something to sell on Facebook Marketplace or eBay, but on my Buy Nothing group, things are usually picked up in a day or two.
Waiting for something to sell is not a big deal if the item is small; I just put a book on my bookshelf, or I put a small item, such as a Christmas ornament, in a little bin in my office.
But when it comes to large things, I usually want them out of my house faster. 🙂
My very last option is to drop things off at Goodwill; I do this when I have a collection of little things that are so random, it would be too annoying to list them on my Buy Nothing group. I also will put things in Goodwill bag if no one has responded to a Buy Nothing listing.
Here's a post explaining what a Buy Nothing Group is.
And here's how I sell books on eBay (the process is similar for other things too!)
Hi Kristen,
I play the piano myself and would like to teach my five year old twins but I don't really know how to start. So far I've taught them the 2 black and 3 black keys are repeated across the board and they can find the C note. If you have tips for how you start teaching little ones or can point me to other resources, that would be amazing, thank you!-Ally
In all the years that I taught piano lessons, I used the Alfred materials.
For younger students, I like their prep course, which is the simplest, slowest-moving path. I find that to be less overwhelming for kids who are six and under. Here's the first book of the prep course.
You can also get a set of the Prep Course books to add things like a theory book.
Also, if you'd like some teaching help, there's a teacher's guide.
You might not need that for all the levels, but it could be helpful as you find your footing at first!
The first point is the plot of the movie Inside Out! I find it hard to do but I agree that it’s a valuable approach to aim for.
My FIL is dying and your post is a good reminder for my feelings but also feelings of others. As humans we hate having to sit in grief and don’t know what to say so we use platitudes when often it’s better to sit with that person, however uncomfortable, and say nothing.
Re: eBay and Buy Nothing, I’d also add that it’s worth checking out what the shelters in your area need. Women’s shelters can use clothes and small appliances (think a coffee maker, toaster, etc.) in good condition for people starting completely over, and animal shelters always need towels and old sheets for bedding. Most shelters have their needs lists posted on their websites so one can check donation requests and if there are set hours for dropping things off.
A question about your answer: Do you think that particular series of books would work without a real piano teacher? I ask because my daughter (6) got a nice keyboard for her birthday and is learning to play on it, but I'm her only teacher and my experience is limited to one year of piano lessons when I was 9 and several years in choir. She's doing pretty well on her own with my limited help, but traditional piano lessons aren't an option due our remote location. Has anyone done online lessons with little kids, or found a good self-directed method?
@kristin @ going country, I bet there are some online supports for piano lessons. Also, if you attend a place of worship, you might see if the musician there would, on a once or twice a month basis, give a lesson before or after worship.
@Lynn, No musicians at our church anymore. They all aged out. 🙁 Our priest is an accomplished musician, but he is also very busy. No luck there.
@kristin @ going country, my daughters have only learned piano via zoom. They started lessons right before the COVID shutdowns and took a break in the middle. My older daughter is getting to a point where she might benefit from some in-person instruction but it worked for us to get started. Initially we found our instructor from a reference but then she retired and the second instructor we found via web search. Maybe this arrangement could work for your daughter - at least to get her to a basic level of proficiency. Our lessons are 30 minutes each and the instructor makes recommendations on which books to buy and she provides additional sheet music and note reading practice. We just print them out for the girls to use. Good Luck!
Also, my older daughter takes certification exams online through a music teachers association in our state. This lets us know what at level she is able to play and it helps to confirm that she's progressing. It just gives us some context for her skill level. You might want to look up music teachers association in New Mexico - they might have a list of member instructors and often they specify whether they teach online lessons or not.
@CrunchyCake, Thank you!
@kristin @ going country,
Maybe they can recommend a sister church.
@kristin @ going country, see my comment above. My kids are mostly self taught with some occasional assistance from me. We started with a book called Piano Lessons book 1 by QMG (it’s on amazon).
@kristin @ going country, also as my kids have moved past the basic books (book 1 and 2), I have bought them “fun” stuff to play—for example, my oldest right now is working his way through an easy billy Joel book. They have been much more motivated to play fun things vs things they don’t know.
Excellent tactics for dealing with tough times.
Kristen, I think your answer to the first question is an incredible life lesson. If I was still teaching at-risk high school kids, I might try to use that as some kind of class worksheet, perhaps a reading exercise, just to give them that helpful information.
As to the second question, our local charitable thrift stores are my go-to places when I want to declutter. I recommend doing that instead of Freecyle or Buy Nothing because it helps the human service agencies; you might not be able to donate money, but they can turn your unwanted items into money for their good works. (Just make sure you are actually benefitting a local charity because anyone can set out a donation box. We have some in our town that just say they "help veterans" or "help children" and there is no agency name or address on them. I am very suspicious of those!)
Yesterday, I took Goodwill a spare coffeemaker and they gave me a 20% coupon -- I get 20% off my purchase of any donated merchandise in their store (they also stock new merch and this doesn't apply). I was looking for a black sweater to replace one I lost (probably left behind in a classroom when I subbed somewhere). Didn't find one at that location, but there are several "GW Boutiques" (my name for them) around town. Goodwill helps the "disabled AND disadvantaged", they consider anyone unemployed as "disadvantaged" and they taught me computer skills and job hunting/interviewing skills and wrote me a killer resume when I was out of work years ago. All of this help was FREE so I like to return the favor when I can. And their coupon is really helpful, too.
I also like to take items to Caritas and Salvation Army, two local charities that help the poor. They sell my donated stuff and the proceeds benefit their mission; if I can't drop a $20 into Salvation Army's red Christmas kettles, I can at least clean out my closet and donate warm clothes (or whatever else I have to give). We used to have a thrift store for the domestic violence shelter, I donated there as well, but it closed.
And this is off on a tangent, but while we are talking donations, I would like to urge anyone healthy who weighs 110 pounds or more, age 17 or older, to please go to your local blood center and give a unit (pint) of blood as soon as you can. (If you donated blood already, you have to wait 56 days before donating again, but please go on that day and give more.) There is a blood emergency all across the U.S.; it was on the news last night. My dad's life was saved because of blood transfusions, and you never know when a loved one will need one. Don't wait for an emergency because blood has to tested and processed before being transfused and this takes a day or more. (Well, actually this IS an emergency!) The blood has to be at the hospital ready to go when a patient comes to the ER or gets admitted for surgery, etc. I'm a regular donor and if a chicken like me can do it, you can too! Because they transfuse only the part of blood needed (red blood cells, white blood cells, platelets, plasma, etc.), you can save 3 lives from that one donation. What else can you do today that will save someone's life?
(Sorry for the soapbox speech, but thanks to blood donors, my daddy got to live several more years and I know how really, really important this is.)
@Fru-gal Lisa, That's a very good point about blood. Both my kids donate regularly; I wish I could but I don't want to pass on whatever is wrong with me to someone else.
My dogs have also donated blood--which reminds me of something. Many years ago, our beagle had congestive heart failure. Our vet told us that he'd given her a blood transfusion from his own dog, who was an Irish setter, so if the beagle started acting crazy and brainless, it was the Irish setter blood.
@Fru-gal Lisa, Beautiful post. Thank you!
@Fru-gal Lisa,
I'm a regular blood donor too and I feel like I'm doing my part for society. It only costs you a little of your time. I like the prospect of being able to save someone's life.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
I know two people who lost legs, one to a car that didn't see his motorcycle, one to a shark, and they each required quite literally gallons of blood during emergency surgeries. My grandfather was able to live an extra year thanks to blood donors.
Blood donation is so important! I used to give blood, but after I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and went on medication, I was turned down for giving any more. Thank you for urging blood donation. Thank you for giving. It's truly a gift of life.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
I donated blood for years and sadly I no longer got to do so after receiving blood during childbirth in the early 90s. The topic came up during an earlier FG post and I contacted our national blood donation organization then, asking if I could join up again. However I was told that that was impossible because I might still have contracted latent BSE and pass it on, due to the donation I received at the time (when they could not yet check for BSE). And also the child I had afterwards has an increased chance to contract BSE.
Apparently I have to be 65 before they can finally rule that out.
Our national organization collaborates with others in Europe, so I am wondering how it is in say, France, Denmark, Germany for instance.
Anyway if I give funny responses you know what to blame it on.
@JNL, I used to donate regularly in my home country with no problem, for years and years.
Then, I moved to a different country (the UK) in the early 2000's and also got married to a person from my home country. At that time, one of the questions on the form was ''have you had sexual relations with someone from sub-Saharan Africa'' and because I am in fact from that part of the world and had just married another person from there, I had to tick ''Yes, Ma'am'' which, according to the smilingly stupid woman I spoke with, rendered me ineligible to donate blood unless I was prepared to go for an AIDS test first. I asked if all of the blood gets tested anyway, and she got all squirrelly and evasive.
Yeah. Hard pass from me, but thanks ever so much for the offer!!
Obviously, that has all changed, but it meant I did not donate for a long time, sadly.
@Rose, Our Irish wolfhounds were frequent donors. Their giant size is what made them favorites with our vet. Thanks for reminding people about registering their dogs as donors.
@Rose, we’ve had 3 different Irish Setters during our marriage…gotta love em!
@Diane P, There's a pair at our local dog park who are amazingly beautiful. The vet joke was from 1994. He probably felt bad for me because I was sick myself, seven months pregnant, and my beloved dog was dying. (She died about a week later. Well loved. She'd been a stray so I didn't know her age or what her early life had been like.)
@Rose,
A friend of mine is a vet tech, and she has mentioned in the past that the clinic where she works "adopts" dogs that are used for blood donations. (I make that sound terrible, but they are well cared for and loved by the staff and clients).
@Rose, Did the beagle do an Irish jig on St. Patrick's Day? LOL!
@Rose,
My dad loved to take one of our setters for walks because she would literally glide and prance down the sidewalk. One of our other setters would pose regally in front of our Christmas tree, a sight to behold!
@Fru-gal Lisa,
Thank you for being a donor. My life was saved because of a transfusion I received. My son is a regular donor.
Kristen - I am wondering how to join a Buy Nothing group WITHOUT being on Facebook. I closed my FB account a few years ago and anytime I try to find a local BN group, they always seem to be connected to FB. Freecycle seems to be a possibility, but that’s seems different from earlier years. Any suggestions??
@Theresa, I'd like to know the answer to this question, too. I don't want to join FB. for various reasons.
And if you have any pro tips for closing an FB account, please pass them along. I haven't succeeded in closing my late DH's account yet. (He also occasionally gets friend requests from his sister's account, and the sister has been dead 5 years. Now that's creepy.)
@Theresa, the Nextdoor app sometimes has a BN group locally.
@Theresa, I, too, would like to be part of Buy Nothing without the FB connection. I detest the Z man. I do use Freecycle, but in my rural area, I have to check 3-4 different ones and drive all over to use.
@A. Marie, I also am not on FB and looked into closing my late brother's account. An account can have a request to be set to memorial status made by one of the account holder's FB friends, who (if I recall correctly) will need to include a link to proof of death, such as an online obituary in making the request to Facebook.
@A. Marie, I believe the only way to close an FB account is to send them a death certificate to a certain department by registered mail. I have had the same problem since my mother's death but I refuse to waste so much money on a death certificate and registered mail when places like the credit bureaus and even some government entities allow you to digitally send a copy of the death certificate. Who does FB think they are?
@A. Marie, to close my deceased husband’s Facebook account, I sent them a photo of his death certificate. Instructions are at the Facebook Help Center.
@Theresa, I've had some luck with using the OfferUp app but it really depends on how active it is in your area. A couple years ago, before we moved, I cleared out a BUNCH of stuff (for free and at a price) by listing it on nextdoor. Just for good measure, I'd also list it on craigslist. It's not as popular as it once was but it's still active in my area. Listing it in multiple locations worked best.
@A. Marie, I have been trying to remove a couple of people off of my "friends" list on facebook (passed away) and I can't even figure out how to do that.
@Theresa, I use https://trashnothing.com/beta/browse, it's a freecycle platform that allows you to post to several different groups at once.
@Anne, Unfriend them?
I actually slightly like having some dead FB friends. I can tell BFF that the joke's over and she can come back now.
@Anna Chan,
Thanks Anna! I will look into that option. It’s a new one to me.
@CrunchyCake,
Thank you for reminding me of Offer Up. I do have the app, but haven’t checked for a long time.
@Rose,
Thank you! I haven’t investigated Nextdoor yet. A new possibility!
@Bobi,
Right with you on Mr. Z. Enough already!
I may persevere with Freecycle as it’s the easiest option for some things.
@A. Marie,
Oh that must be hard seeing their names at random times. Sudden surprises of grief reminders can make your knees buckle.
I hope the suggestions of other readers are helpful to you in closing that particular FB door permanently.
@A. Marie, check this out if you haven't already: https://www.facebook.com/help/contact/228813257197480
@A. Marie,
That IS super creepy. Yikes.
I use a multitude of resources and groups to find new homes for things. I have bought and sold antiques and collectibles for 25 years. All sorts of things pass through my hands that I do not want to keep or sell. However, I have had some bad experiences with Buy Nothing and have not listed for a while.
At the end of October I listed a 48-piece set of vintage (1960s) Johnson Brothers china in the Harvest Time pattern. It was nearly a complete service for 8 missing just 2 small pieces, but it had 6 serving pieces. I’m not sure how it came into my possession, but I thought it would be beautiful on a Thanksgiving table.
There was a great deal of interest with nearly 20 people saying they would like to have it. To be fair, I chose a name at random, and it was picked up.
The next night about midnight my Facebook Messenger sounded. The person to whom I had gifted this set of china was furious because these two smaller pieces were missing from the set. (It had been put in the description) She was extremely unkind. She even had tried to use the audio call function in Messenger to reach me. I reported her to the administrator, and she was removed from the group. This was not her first transgression. However, it really soured me on BN.
I was not prepared for this when using Buy Nothing. There was so much emphasis placed on “community.” I guess that sometimes you just run across rude people. At this stage of my life, I would rather give the majority of these type of items to third party to sell for the benefit of others.
@Bee, my gosh, that's an awful story. I can see how that would put you off BN. (And an additional cringe factor for me is that I have a friend here in Central NY who's looking for, I'm pretty sure, that exact Johnson Bros. pattern. I'm sure that you and I could have worked something out.)
@Bee, "I'll be by at 2PM to take the set back and I'll refund what you paid for it."
Jeez, what a complete entitled jerk.
I got thrown off our local Buy Nothing after I posted an ISO asking for a flawless, D color, one carat or higher diamond ring. This was after a series of posts where people asked for things like two free teak chaise longues. No sense of humor!
I've seen people ask for things like AirPods and I always feel a little surprised at that. Like, please, no one was going to throw AirPods into the landfill. lol
Re Thanksgiving dishes: I've always wanted a set of Franciscan October. Such a lovely design and perfect for the holiday. But I already have four patterns that I collect so I stifle myself.
@Bee, Yikes, I'm sorry you had that rude experience! Really odd that someone is going to complain about something you gave them, for any reason (but esp a nonexistent reason due to their own misreading).
Wow! That is such entitled behavior!
@Rose, that made me laugh out loud, that's hilarious.
@Kristen, worse yet, the person asking for the teak set is a friend of mine. She wanted them to stage a $10 million house she was selling. We're still good friends, but......seriously?
@Rose, Oh right, no, it was a $15 million house that she sold for $13 million. Nice place; I liked it a lot.
https://outeast.com/homes/53-sagg-main-st-sagaponack/21026
@Bee,
That's just terrible! I'm glad that person was thrown out of your BN group. I have to say, the members on my BN group have been absolutely lovely.
@Rose,
....guessing no one had such a diamond to offer you? 😉
@Rose, her commission would certainly have covered the cost of buying a teak set. Then she could have resold it. Good grief Charlie Brown, her request, particularly in light of the price of the house triggers my Annoyance Button in a large way.
@Bee, good for you for getting Miss Snotty-pants ejected. That exceedingly rude behavior is the exact reason I am not on FB at all. I find it to be 1/4" deep and 6 miles wide in terms of "friendship". The lack of restraint, the entitlement, the unfiltered opinions, the lack of manners—as someone said in the Commentariat, "hard pass".
There is no BN group in my little rural town, but I think people use FB Marketplace here.
Our town no longer has a newspaper, so by skipping out on FB, I have to wait until someone else tells me about deaths and garage sales. But I find it worth it to wait for "news", in order to skip all the bad behavior and rudeness.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, She was the builder, not the agent. She pocketed quite a bit in the end.
TBH, I absolutely love Facebook. But remember I'm an antisocial weirdo.
@Liz B.: BFF left me her mother's diamond engagement ring, but it disappeared before probate. Sigh. She did also leave me her emerald ring so that's something. I did have my great grandmother's diamond engagement ring but the diamond fell out of the setting on the beach. Ever try to find a diamond in a wide sandy beach? Yeah. Whatever. I have so many lovely things it's a sin to complain about no diamonds. (We got married very young and it was a stretch to buy my wedding band.)
I follow your same general principle with how I handle getting things out of my house. The vast majority of it goes to BN, although I have a neighbor has volunteers at a shelter. If it's something that would benefit the shelter (and, they have a list, but most certainly don't want everything), it goes there first. BN is for things that have broad appeal. eBay for me is more for niche items as well.
I also love being able to fulfill an ISO (in search of) on BN, so if that pops up & I have the item, I'll always preference that instead. I have teens outgrowing clothes, and have had great luck matching items with people in need of something.
Kristen, I really needed this post today. I’ve been awash in self pity, and these reminders are important.
I’ve also found it helpful to focus on others when I’m feeling sad (call an elderly friend, buy a few things for our food bank, do sone random acts of kindness)
Such a wise response, Kristen. Thank you.
Last year I read the actor Michael Caine's autobiography titled "Blow the Bloody Doors Off," and he charted his tough early years in life and acting. Something he uses is telling himself "Use the disadvantage." It opens up new approaches to creative problem solving and I've reminded myself of that many times since reading the book.
@Ruby, Have not read the book but I love that line from "The Italian Job."
Regarding disposing of items you no longer want, my car looks like I'm living in it right now as I have:
Newspapers going to an animal shelter; Mardi Gras Beads to the local Association of Retarded Citizens where they clean and re package them for parades; plastic bags of all sorts that can be recycled at the grocery; egg cartons to a friend with chickens; and donations to the local thrift store which supports the food bank. I just try to run by these places when I'm already out.
And then there are my children who are currently not responding to my texts asking if they want certain things from their childhood!
I have trouble finding the positive side at times. The last few days have been a fight against negative thoughts - sometimes I won, sometimes I lost. The storm yesterday had me grumpy all day. Thanks to Gretchen for giving me a reason to smile!
That's why I like Thankful Thursdays, because they make me see the positives.
I've checked, and I can't find evidence of a buy nothing group here, but like some others mentioned, the last thing I want to do is get on FB and join a group these days. My old FB account is still open, but I only check on family posts, and never post anything myself anymore. I was on Freecycle, but my email address changed and I could not get back on Freecycle, for reasons I can't even remember now, although I had used it a number of times, mostly to give away. When I look at the closest Freecycle now, it's a whole different thing. There wasn't and isn't one in the town where I live, and the one in the city where I work isn't eager to allow in people from small rural towns an hour away.
I tried a little online selling and went nowhere with it, but I might try again. In the meantime, I usually donate or, rarely, sell to an individual. I used to hold yard sales, but my co-salesperson (my daughter) is too busy to help these days. I might try that again, though, if I can get a helper. I'm eyeballing my teen granddaughter, ha.
Bee, I don't blame you for being put off! My first thought when I read that was how rude of that woman!
@JD, my local Buy Nothing group was under the title "Giving [city name]", it took me years to find it!
@JD, some Buy Nothing groups are by invite only, so if you know someone who's in the group, they should be able to invite you. This is how I found my current group.
Regarding teaching one’s own children piano, I have lots of thoughts. These are based on my own experience, so take them for what they’re worth.
I have been a professional private lesson teacher (of another instrument) for nearly 40 years. I have also spent a little time attempting to teach my children my instrument as well as piano, the former because their teacher left town and my job disappeared for a year, the latter because teaching my own students left me no time to drive my children to more than one lesson a week.
If you have any option for a local qualified private teacher, other than yourself, you should do that. It is really really really hard to teach your own children. It is even harder if your own proficiency on the instrument is limited. Even when I am teaching a beginner, the depth of my knowledge (degrees from two of the best US music schools and decades of experience) informs how I work with the student.
I did not have very much success, trying to teach my own children; the majority of my colleagues have reported similar experiences. It is hard for everybody to separate the role of teacher and mom. As soon as my job came back and we had more money to spend, I lined up another colleague to teach my children. Everybody was happier.
If cost and/or location are insurmountable issues, then I come down on the side of any music is better than none. But it isn’t enough to get the books. At the beginning stages of any instrument, the absolute most important thing to learn is proper posture and proper basic technique. Children cannot teach themselves these things from a book! Look up YouTube videos from people *with credentials*, look up books and blogs, join Facebook groups. Do as much research as you would do if you were taking a college class in how to teach this instrument.
I cannot tell you how many students have come to me over the past decades with improper technique that I had to then take apart and put back together. Most of these students had started their instrument in afterschool classes. Even the best teachers cannot give adequate individual attention in a class setting on my particular instrument. Technique matters, even more than notes at the beginning, even more than reading music, it matters, at least on ymy instrument. I do think it makes more logical sense to teach beginning note reading along with beginning piano.
It is also really hard to teach beginners online, but it is helpful if there is a parent or sibling at home with at least some experience on the instrument who can supervise practice and act as a mediator between the online instructor and the child. In this case, I think the parent or older sibling needs to be sitting in on the online lessons. Honestly, I think this is a better option (if someone in the house has some experience) than trying to teach your own child unless you have a lot of experience and the only online options have less.
Good luck! I respect and congratulate anyone who makes the effort to include music in their child’s education, no matter how that is accomplished.
@Meg in SoTX and Kristen - thank you so much for your thoughts on teaching beginning students!! I am the OP and really appreciate these insights. I think when we are able to move and have more disposable income I will definitely look into a qualified teacher and for now will use the resources Kristen listed to guide the kiddos. Thank you!!
We don't do Facebook but Craig's List here has both a sell section and a free section. We got rid of a couple huge things in one day on the free section a week ago.
To all the helpful souls on this post - Thank you for all the suggestions & comments about finding options for a Buy Nothing or similar group. You’ve given me some homework to do!
This is the first time I’ve posted a “Help Me!” comment and now I more fully appreciate this community!
See you all here in the comments more frequently!
@Theresa, Good! The more the merrier in the Commentariat!
Also--Kristen may not want to because she is a modest person buuuuuut---
maybe some Commentariat merch? T shirts? Where of course all profits go to Respected Leader Kristen? <-- stupid Kim Jong Un joke. Juuuuust a thought and you know I'm up for designing them if needed.
@Theresa, "Ask, and ye shall receive."
I'll put in my two pennies on how I deal with life's hard stuff when it knocks me on my butt.
And Kristen I totally agree with everything you said about looking for the positive and what you can control.
Anyway, expanding on that.
1. I exercise. All sorts. Gets out negativity and helps calm me down.
2. I write it down, the good, the bad, everything and anything that pertains to what's going on and ruining my peace . Creative cussing is totally allowed. Helps me organize my thoughts and helps me look for a game plan on how to deal.
3. If I can, I go to the coast. Dancing with the sand fleas, feeding the keening gulls hot french fries and walking ankle deep in the surf is therapeutic for me. If not the coast then a walk for miles by the river. I do my best thinking by the water.
4. I do something kind for myself. Nothing huge...just a little something. The last time I was struggling I took myself to my favorite coffee place and got a very decadent chai tea (like with real caramelized cream and everything sweetly spicy) and then took myself to a used book store I'd been meaning to check out and ran amok in there for almost two hours.
Thinking on this I need to make myself a perfume...I totally want to smell like a rich chai tea and a used book store.
Best and hugs to all.
@April, try this.
https://demeterfragrance.com/paperback.html
I'd love to hear what you all pay or charge for private lessons of any type.
I teach people how to draw, 4 people per group, one hour a week, charging $60/month. (It was $55/month for about 10 years until my students told me last year that I needed to raise my prices!)
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, d00d. That is a joke price. You must raise your rates.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
You are seriously undervaluing your time.
I charge $100 an hour for private lessons, but I don’t raise rates on existing students so actually most of my students are paying either $80 or $90 an hour (depending on how long they’ve been studying with me), prorated for shorter lessons. Probably just over half of my students take one hour lessons; most of the others are 45 minutes. I nearly always have one or two scholarship students as well, who are paying less than my usual fee.
My fees are not the highest in my city, and in fact, I could easily justify charging more based on my experience, track record, and credentials, but I am very uncomfortable raising my rates beyond the ability of a middle-class family to afford.
@Rose, I just did! We are one of the poorest counties in California, and I feel so cautious about the fact that art and art lessons are a true luxury. (Your "dood" just cracked me up—thank you!)
@Meg in SoTX, maybe I should have addressed my query to rural or small town folks. Thank you for explaining your charges. . . there are a few students that I told to just keep paying the old rate and they really appreciate it (one is in her late 80s and the other is in college, paying for things like this for the first time in her young life). I bet you are a fabulous teacher, but $100/hour around here would bring all my business to a screeching halt. I live in one of the poorest counties in the state. . . sigh.
Maybe my rates are okay based on the fact that I have four students at a time.
Maybe I am looking for excuses.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
Rural vs big city does make a significant difference but I still agree with Rose, who put it much more succinctly than I did. And you are still free to offer a lower charge (a “scholarship”) to those whose personal circumstances you know. Many times I have taught a student for free, or for $5 a lesson. My rates, my choice, but it’s the full pay people whose fees give me the luxury of doing that.
Putting a higher value on your time often results in others respecting you more.
Kristen, the way you organize your thoughts is a rare ability. Analyzing and explaining how you deal with difficult times and then sharing those thoughts is a lovely gift to us all. Thank you! That is EXACTLY what keeps so many people active on your blog (and the Five Frugal Things, the Meet-A-Readers, Thankful Thursdays, Random Thoughts, WIS/WIA. . .)
You have a golden buy nothing group, Kristen. I haven't had great experiences with my buy nothing group. One time, as an experiment, I listed 3 things, and it took multiple people arranging for each item and 3 or 4 days to give the items. After that I would far rather donate at my local mission thrift store. At least I know the money is going to a good cause.
Craigslist is our go-to, then there are Neighborhood pages, and Offerup. Local women's shelters are great options. My S/O hates FB and was using my account for FB marketplace (very inconvenient for both of us), so I convinced him to set up an account using a handle (ex."Sign Collector") or a variation of his name (first name and middle/last initials) where no one would recognize him and try to friend him. It's worked well so far and he can do all the searching and selling he wants but not bugged by friend requests or having feeds to scroll through. Like Kristen, we use ebay for items that need a wider audience and are fairly easy to ship.
Hi everyone. I've been reading Kristen's blog now for a little over a year, and have found so much joy and information doing so, but this is my first comment. Kristen - I must say thank you for your writing. I love your positive and realistic outlook on life!! And also your recipes 🙂
I have an eight year old son who I would like to start teaching piano to. I am in the market for a second hand digital piano and am wondering if anyone has suggestions for brands or features to keep an eye out for, or any other tips. Thanks in advance 🙂
-Alyssa
I am certainly not a trained piano teacher, but have taught two of my kids. I bought a beginner book on Amazon that came with stickers that label the keyboard. The fleet book was Piano Lesson-book 1 by QMG. My kids used the stickers for several months until they finally learned which key was which. The stickers were color coded and matched the note colors in the book, so it let them learn some very basic songs even as they were just learning to read music.
Kristen, thank you so much for answering my question! And also a big thank you to all the commenters who added in their experiences.
Y'all are lovely 🙂