On Christmas Eve
Hey there, dear readers-
I know that most of you are probably very busy with holiday festivities and preparations.
And I don't have anything terribly festive to say, but here is what I do want to tell you (and it's what I tell myself too):
If your Christmas is tinged (or soaked) with sadness, brokenness, dysfunction, and heartbreak, it is ok to not feel super festive.
Also: I would venture to guess that more people feel like this than you think. A lot of people struggle with heartbreak at this time of year because an awful lot of us have lives that did not turn out the way we imagined they would.
Of course, it is possible to feel that sadness at any time of year.
But as I have said many times before, there is something about the holidays that presses extra hard on that sore spot in our hearts, and I think that's why we feel the pain more acutely at such times.
I find it to be helpful to mentally normalize this, and I also feel some relief when I don't expect myself to be the world's biggest fan of Christmas (or really, any holiday. They all can be tough when it feels like your life has gone off the rails or you've experienced some kind of loss or change.)
So.
I'm just a little voice piping up in the crowd, telling you that I think it's ok to be sad, and letting you know that you are not alone.
A small thing I will share with you, from a coach in my support group for Christian women who have divorced: she suggested briefly holding your hands open in front of you, and taking a deep breath.
The feelings that come up when you do this will vary from person to person, but one thought is that you are letting go of what you had, or what you wanted, and your open hands are ready to receive what is coming next.
I know this sounds kind of woo-woo, but perhaps if you try it, you will feel a little moment of peace and acceptance in your body and heart. And then maybe you can find a small bit of joy in the Christmas that is your present reality.
With as much love as can be sent through a keyboard: I wish you a peaceful Christmas.
Thank you, Kristen. I needed this.
@BJS, ditto.
@Anne, same same! So thankful to have found this message today.
Dear Kristen, dear fellow readers,
Wishing you gladness and hope for this holiday season and peace
and joy for the coming year.
Bless you for these beautiful and compassionate words and sending you and all this community light and love this season xxx
Beautiful words, Kristen. Thank you for this, and for all that you do.
Wishing you peace this holiday and many many blessings in 2024.
Bless you. Feeling this very much this year, as I grieve the “loss” of my only local sister-in-law through a family divorce/how the family has since kind of dramatically changed. Breathing out does help.
Our church family celebrates Blue Christmas for this very reason. Google "Blue Christmas" for a good explanation of this old tradition. Know that many, if not most adult people have times of angst around the holidays for various reasons. I tell myself not to add to my stress with unrealistic expectations. In our family we are dealing with our son's divorce from an abusive marriage. This year is better than last year by far and most importantly the Savior who we celebrate has been with our family in a greater measure than we could ever have imagined. Our son and granddaughter are safe. This morning on my walk I prayed for all people who are having a Blue Christmas.
@Nancy, all the best to you and your son. I can tell you that resources for men are scarce and abuse is only considered to be one way only.
Long before I was married I was in an abusive relationship with a woman who would tell me daily how bad I was at everything and how awful I made her feel just by existing despite doing everything to please her but when we finally split I was considered the bad guy by all.
@Nancy, this is very beautiful. I have never heard of this. Now I have! Thank you!
@Battra92, I’m sorry to hear this and glad it’s in your way past. It’s something that still gives a twinge of pain from time to time I’m sure.
@Battra92,
I tried to reply to your comment yesterday, but it disappeared....?
I, too, was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a classic narcissist, and it took me a very long time for me to even consider getting into another relationship after he dumped me. Even after time and a great deal of therapy, it was a struggle not to be triggered by memories of that relationship. No one blamed him as "THE bad guy", but more heaved a huge sigh of relief because he was an overall "BAD GUY".
You are so right that there are not enough resources available for me coming out of an abusive relationship, and I fervently hope that sees improvement over time. Sending you thoughts of peace.
@Nancy, I've never heard of this....something I think I need too. We just made it through the second Christmas since my son's divorce. I've wondered if I'll ever be able to be happy again without the pain. I can be happy(have chosen to) but so many hard things in the past 5 yrs has kept me from just letting go be totally happy.
With divorce, things keep happening even though the marriage is over. Each new thing reopens the wound so I feel like we'll never recover.
We have a grandson that is in the middle of it all too.
Nothing but love, joy, and hope to Kristen and everyone, from me, tiresome dogs, fluffy and purry Gus, and my kids who don't know who you are, but they'd be polite and funny anyway.
Re woo-woo: After my husband left, I employed a life coach. She is now a friend, but I kind of wish I could afford to hire her again. She was wonderful for me, even though she is extremely woo in an intelligent, not space cadet, way. I told my friends, "I know it's weird for me to seek out the woo. But I'm pretty sure I need more woo in my life."
I think things like opening your hands get an unnecessary woo-woo rap; somatic therapists often work with moving people's bodies in ways that help their brains. It's so odd that it works, but it does!
@Rose, well said. I read a fiction book recently where she envisions a light shining on her. For me, that has helped. And, “shining” that light on others. Woo, in any form or amount, is just fine!
@Rose, my very un-woo-woo therapist friend has a list of benefits from doing apparently woo-woo things with our bodies. Some of them are almost Pavlovian - if we smile when we feel good, then it's often the case that we feel a bit better when we smile. Because my friend is very un-woo-woo, he immediately points out that works in certain situations only and is not a panacea.
Kristen - I'm going through this holiday without my partner of 4 years, who died unexpectedly in early October. There are many joys in my life still, but I feel his absence acutely, and it comes up at the strangest times. Thank you for your compassionate words, for yourself as well as for us readers. I will be trying the open hands and breath idea.
Wishing you a much, much better 2024 -
Stephanie
Aww, Stephanie. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. And yes, grief bubbles up so randomly sometimes.
@Stephanie, I am so sorry. I like the Jewish response: may his memory be a blessing.
@Stephanie, I am so sorry this happened to you and am sending love. I’m glad you have happy things still and I know you’ll have more and more as time goes on but for right now I imagine that this is very hard and hope you have help to work through it.
@Stephanie,
a very wise lady who knows loss better than many, being a concentration camp survivor (very few of her family survived - her sister and parents and brother all perished), who is the most wonderful person said to me when my mom died that ''it would get much worse before it gets much better'' re the loneliness and weird, dislocated feeling, and she was right. There's that immediate shock and sadness. Usually people are around and help you through, and that's great.
Then you feel a bit better and less wobbly - a huge relief. You start getting your ducks in a row. Still sad and devastated, but a but more stable.
And then the ''forever'' of the situation sets in. Man, it sucks, epically. Therapy, medication, whatever helps you personally, do that thing. It unhinged me, literally. My brain stopped working properly.
But now that it has been a couple of years, I am still sad about it - obviously - but it has a ''place'' and a spot in my feelings and thoughts. NOW the memories are a blessing, mostly.
My lovely little (now late) friend was completely right!
Thank you. I felt this with all my heart this year. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas as well.
Thank you, Kristen! That was beautifully said.
Hmmm...the woo woo was too true!!
Yup, the holidays and their accompanying expectations can be a real weight for those of us who are grieving. I don't know if it's just me, but I'm finding that the rational acknowledgement of it doesn't really help ease the emotional trauma. Maybe time will. Or maybe it won't. Dunno.
I don't know if it helps the emotional trauma for me, exactly...it just lifts a little bit of weight off of me. Like, I can be sad and know that it's ok to be sad. Being sad is hard, but being sad with a bunch of pressure to be happy is even harder!
Sending you love this weekend.
@Kristen,
Thanks and ditto.
Bring on the Christmas woo-woo. I lost my mom in July and the holidays are weird and sad with a tinge of relief that I’m getting through this horrible milestone.
I will be practicing the exercise from your coach as I’m prepping for 20 people at my house tomorrow.
Thank you, and Merry Christmas!
I always hear that the first year after a loss is the hardest. Sending you love!
Kristen, I'm wishing you peace, love and joy at this hard time of year.
Merry Christmas, Kristen - and thank you for your gentle words this morning. This can indeed be a hard time of year. I often think that most of us have at least some difficult memories surrounding Christmas, be it an especially difficult “once” or a long chapter of challenge. For you and others who are feeling that way this year, I wish you peace and hope. May there be moments of joy, moments of light, moments of love and laughter to sustain you.
Merry Christmas to you! Every year on Christmas Eve I give a special thanks for you and your blog. Our Christmas breakfast is your overnight cinnamon rolls and it just wouldn’t be the same without it. Thank you a million times over.
Aww, I'm making those right now!
Dearest Kristen and wonderful readers- wishing you all peace and joy!!
Thank you for that - I am sitting at my job, relishing a very slow ER, and thinking how I will be happy when Christmas is over. I know that sounds Grinchy but I'm not raining on anyone else's Christmas. If its happy for them, that's great. I'm also hoping that next Christmas will be better for my little family, while still hoping that we will feel some measure of comfort and happiness being together for a short time tomorrow. Merry Christmas to you and yours, as well. (:
@Gina from The Cannary Family,
I think my favorite day of the year is actually the day after Christmas. Whew! Relief! In our modern world Christmas is just too too over the top. One year our neighbor totally had 'had it' with it all and she deposited her Christmas tree in her garbage can the very morning of December 26.
Christmas has always been hard for me in part because I have seasonal depression and was the middle child to a family who relegated me and my younger sister to the background all the time. This year it's been tough for other reasons not the least of which was that I was up most of the night with a sick kid.
Though last night I did have a dream I was playing with a chubby little baby boy who was not my nephew and someone said he was alright. I don't know if it's copium or an actual sign that my son is doing okay in Heaven but I'll accept it for now.
Until then we'll have to muddle though somehow ...
@Battra92, hugs to you.
Kristen, thank you for thinking of your readers on this Christmas Eve. May 2024 be wonderful.
To you all, my most favorite online community, Merry Christmas!
@Battra92,
Lost for words on reading your dream, a [heart] to you and your family
@Battra92, that dream seems to me to be a healing message straight from your unconscious. I wish you and your family further healing in 2024.
@Battra92, I know how you feel about the dream. The night before I became aware of my first miscarriage, I had a dream. I found 2 babies outside in the flower bed, and I was trying SO HARD to take care of them. My husband and mother told me I had to give them back, but all I could think about was getting them warm and fed and clean. The next day I started bleeding and had an ultrasound to confirm. The ultrasound showed 2 babies. Well, whatever one wants to believe about that dream, it was/is comforting to me.
Hang in there. And may Christ be with you this season, as always.
Battra, I think this dream is beautiful, and I think you are right to take comfort in it. Sending you and your family love.
@Battra92, "copium" is an excellent word, but I believe your dream was a gift from God. Some time you might enjoy reading and get some comfort from the book "Heaven is For Real" by Todd Burpo.
@Battra92,
I am a firm believer that "there are no coincidences". I truly believe it was a sign that your son is doing well in Heaven. Wishing you peace and comfort in the new year.
Holidays will always be harder than they should be because no one lives a Hallmark movie life. You can be sad and alone or widowed or divorced; you can be sad because of family tragedy or trauma; you can be sad for any number of justifiable reasons. It helps to remember that the magic of Christmas, or any holiday, is within you -- you just have to make an extra effort to find it. Having spent many Christmases away from family, and because I'm old and live alone, and because my loved ones live very far away, I remind myself to be grateful every day -- to be alive, to love and be loved, to find the magic of the holiday in every small tradition. Kristen, every holiday from now until forever will be tinged with a small degree of sadness for the life you used to live. Feel it, learn from the sadness, and forge ahead with the new life you are making for yourself and your loved ones.
I have a constellation of my own. No matter where I am, I look for Orion, and when I find him I take a couple of cleansing breaths. Orion is always somewhere in the night sky, and he reminds me that I am alive. PS OF course this only works if you stay in the same hemisphere.
Thank you for the holiday wishes, Kristen. I'm thankful you've taken the time to send good wishes to the universe.
@Jean,
What a wonderful perspective. Wishing you the best in 2024.
Such wise words. Thank you, Kristen.
This day used to be so busy with huge family parties and local traveling. Now we are spending it quietly at home, doing as we please.
I will be baking pet treats (horse cookies, dog bones and kitty treats).
Dinner is homemade pizza and ice cream sundaes (we always celebrate Sunday Sundaes). Peace be with you all.
Such a good, profound post. The exercise with the open hands helped me.
Merry Christmas Kristen. Thank you.
Wishing the same for you.
Many years ago, I wrote a (humorous) post about preferring the wish of "Happy Christmas," instead of "Merry Christmas." Merry implies something surface-level, to me, whereas happy is a deeper, more long-term feeling. So, I will wish you a happy Christmas, however that looks for you this year, and all the blessings for a joyous New Year. Also however that looks for you. 🙂
@kristin @ going country, I agree—I really like happy Christmas.
Kristen, as usual, you've gotten it absolutely right. I suspect that far more of us are out there trying to pull through the December holidays than are out there having a shiny happy version. Love, sympathy, and solidarity to all of us in the Commentariat who aren't even trying to pretend things are "normal," and are muddling along the best we can.
Apparently many of us needed this today. Wishing you and everyone a holiday of hope and resilience!
Thank you Kristen for expressing what so many are feeling and for creating a community of wonderful, caring people.
Thank you. That helped.
I wanted to share a quote from today's column in the British Guardian by therapist Philippa Perry. The whole thing is very good.
"It’s time to change your relationship with your sadness. You dread it, but instead, I want you to welcome it. It shows you loved and cared about your parents. When it descends upon you, know that it is because you can love that you feel it."
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/dec/24/ask-philippa-my-parents-died-and-my-brothers-do-not-speak
@Rose,
That's lovely. Thank you for this. I've been missing my mother in law terribly, because she was the one that brought my husband's side of the family together at any holiday. I also feel conflicted, because I don't miss my dad (gone 25 years now), or my mom, who lives in another state.
Thank you, Kristen! I tried the open hands and it really helped with something that I’ve been struggling with. Life is constantly changing, and I think even when things are relatively calm, there’s a lot that we are asked to let go of, and a lot of new that we are faced with.
I’ve also been repeating to myself something you have said, that the best thing is to let yourself feel the feelings instead of trying to push them away. I find journaling helpful.
Wishing everyone a peaceful holiday season. I’ve decided that’s the best gift I can give my family and myself, is to be peaceful this Christmas.
Thank you so much for your beautiful post on this Christmas Eve. I know it's helped many in this community.
After a very unpleasant Christmas last year, I’m relieved to only be seeing one person this Christmas. I know it will be peaceful and kind, and that’s all I need at this point. I’m relieved to not stress over any gatherings, and I feel so fortunate. I hope everyone can see the safety and good in aloneness, if that’s how your holiday turns out. Sending positive thoughts!
A beautifully written piece. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Wishing you hope and peace this season and in the new year.
It's like you were sitting in our church today and heard my husband's sermon. I guess we need more realistic expectations for life, in general.
But may the true joy of Christmas be with all of you.
Not woo-woo at all . . . a true truth. 😉
Huge hugs to everyone who needs or wants it. It can be a rough time of year, and the outsized expectations don't help.
I have another suggestion: don't watch anything with advertisements. Too much Ad-World and Social Media Christmas "cheer."
@WilliamB, spot on!! The bastardization of classic Christmas songs, the overglamourization of How Christmas Is Supposed To Be is an assault.
Thank you. Mom and I needed this.
Thank you.
May you have a gentle, happy peaceful day.
Thank you, Kristen. I wish you and all
fellow readers a Christmas as merry as possible, and a blessed new year!
Wow Kristen- thank you for this. Such kind and compassionate words to acknowledge the sadness and pain that many of us feel. Thank you for this safe, accepting and honest space.
This post (and the comments section) makes me feel so much better. I'm really not feeling Christmas this year, for various reasons. Mainly because, in Kristen's words, my life hasn't turned out how I imagined it would.
My family isn't the same anymore now due to divorce (not mine, but a close family member's). I also left my partner behind for a move closer to family and I don't know when/if I'll see him again. My family doesn't approve of him, which has caused me pain for years now. He and I didn't always get to spend Christmas together, but we always had our own mini-celebration after the fact. That won't be happening this year.
So basically, I've never felt less in the mood for Christmas than I have this year. Sigh. Sending love to you, Kristen, and all your fabulous readers.
Aww, that's a lot to deal with. I can imagine how you feel torn when the man you love and the family you love cannot seem to mesh.
Love to you.
@Kristen, Thank you so much for your response. Just being able to share my situation and seeing your understanding and succinct summary helps. If you weren't already well on the path (and excelling) to becoming a nurse, I'd say you ought to become a therapist!
I am hoping next year is better for both of us!
Aww, I am so glad that it helped!
And you will be happy to know that in my nursing curriculum so far, there has been a fair amount of emphasis on the value of therapeutic communication from the nurse to the patient...so while it won't be my main job, there will be some therapy work in the form of expressing verbal care and empathy. 🙂
Such helpful words during a rough time. I definitely needed to hear them. Thank you for taking the time to share. Wishing you lots of peace this year. Hugs!
Thank you, Kristen! Sending you love this holiday season.
Your authenticity is why your readers love you so much. It takes tremendous courage to be honest & forthright, day in and day out. Thank you, Kristen, for your empathy in reaching out to those who are struggling during the holiday season.
"Letting go" is a good thing. Don't hold on to anything that is not working for you. That hurts more than letting it go. Open those hands, let it go, and open yourself to receive what comes next.
Thank you, Kristen, for your words of wisdom. I thought I would be able to go to church Sunday for Christmas Eve, but I came down with a horrific cold, and then the manager of the retail store said he wanted me to come in early. It was all I could do to get myself out of bed and take medication. I was somehow able to go to work, and thankfully, the expected glut of customers did not happen...they thought our store would resemble a crowded airport, but it didn't. I got though the shift and then returned home to bed. No Fourth Sunday of Advent, no Greening of the Nave, and of course no Christmas Eve service because the rector scheduled it at 4 p.m. and that was during my shift. I am supposed to go to a get-together my friends have for those of us without places to go today (Christmas Day), but I don't want to expose anyone to my illness. If I can just stumble through these next few hours and get through the day, it will be a major achievement. I've been listening to Christmas sermons on the Christian radio station and drifting in and out of sleep. But this is hardly the first Christmas that has been something to endure rather than something to celebrate: I've been without my family for 25 years now. I will definitely try the exercise your counselor recommends, assuming I can unstuff my head enough to take a deep breath! Sorry for the rambling, folks, but Kristen is right -- many, many people aren't having merry Christmases today. If I can't wish you a merry Christmas, then I will wish you a meaningful one....remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
♥♥ to you, and a hug.
@Fru-gal Lisa, if I lived near you, I'd bring you soup.
Sending that spirit of love, peace, and healing back to you, Kristen! And wishing everyone a day in which to find some peace and joy.
Praying that you have a peaceful Christmas.
We are quite a bunch of kindred spirits. My whole holiday season has been less than any past. I learned a long time ago that it is important to acknowledge the hard. The one thing I find contentment in is that people will still appreciate the cards even if they're late, that my neighbors and friends will still enjoy the fruits of my impending bake-a-thon that did not happen earlier d/t illness. That gifts purchased late are still appreciated. I don't need to make up for very little Christmas decorations, what I have are enough.
It was not an easy end to my work night. The weather is dismal and rainy, I cried at the end of a poignant story on the radio, and after reading this. Thank you for the woo woo. It does help.
May the Lord who's birth we are celebrating bless you all, give you comfort and joy.
Attended a Bible study called Interrupted Expectations this fall. You can only be in charge of yourself & your emotions. Wishing everyone a blessed & peaceful Christmas & New Year.
Dear Kristen,
This is my favorite Christmas song:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lCpXMy5GalI
I was just reading about the production of it this morning, and learned several things I didn't know:
Firstly, David Bowie was apparently very difficult to work with, and did not want to do this Christmas special at all. His mother, who was a Crosby fan, convinced him. The writers had to write his peace on earth part for him because he hated the drummer boy song. They wrote it in about three hours and they filmed it in only three takes.
Secondly, Bing Crosby died about three weeks later and did not live long enough to see the special aired. It was filmed in September.
Finally, the duet was almost completely lost to time. Someone found a recording of it and rereleased it as Christmas single much later.
I guess my take away from learning all of that is that sometimes the most magical things come out of the unexpected twists and turns of life. I can't imagine a Christmas season without hearing this song at least once, and there were so many ways it could have never happened. But it did happen, and as Bing says, "it's a pretty thing."
I hope your Christmas is filled with pretty things, expected or otherwise.
Thank you, Kristen.
Christmas is bittersweet for me as well. I mourn the loss of many I have lost through death.
Just trying to let peace wash over me, and all of us!
May 2024 be a good year for us all!
Ah, I don't wish sadness or loneliness or grief for anyone over the holidays, but I do find comfort in not being the only person waiting for Christmas to be over. I couldn't watch my favorite Christmas movies, routine commercials made me cry, and for the first time in my adult life, I didn't put up a tree or any other decorations. Even being at church with my friends was hard. Giving to those in need helped, but I still grieved.
Til last night, when a voice in my head reminded me that, no matter what the ads and cards and songs say, Christmas really isn't about family. It's about the greatest gift ever given, and nothing has changed or ever will change that. Remembering that fact grounds me, anchors me, no matter what else may change in my life.
You are DEFINITELY not alone. I have felt that way for probably the last five holiday seasons. Getting to January 2nd feels like a weight lifting off.
So glad to read the comments. I’m feeling out of sorts because my Big Boy has Covid and couldn’t come home for Christmas as planned. He’s 22 and he’s sitting in his apartment alone. Breaks my mom heart a bit. Nothing to be done about it but his two younger brothers and his dad and I are a bit lost without him. Not as festive with an empty spot at the table.
Thank you Kristen for the wise words. I am struggling with contentment, and this is very helpful.
What beautiful words. I have gotten so much joy from following you and think you are so worthy of a wonderful year ahead. Merry Christmas and praying for calmer days ahead for you.
Thank you, Kristen. And thank you for your wonderful blogging during the last year which was a tough one for many. I love that you have built up such a great community - through the whole world actually!
Dear Kristen,
My family and I wish you and yours a thoughtful and meaningful Christmas with so much joy amid the challenging sadnesses. The vast amount of good will and gratefulness that is being sent toward you by this group you have created will, I feel, push you toward a coming life of newfound shape and much happiness.
Thank you, Kristen. I feel this.
Just because we may not be familiar with something that is an untraditional approach to helping us feel better, doesn't mean it needs to be labeled, whether "woo" or anything else.
Labels in general, while sometimes needed, don't always help in understanding.
There is in fact much scientific evidence in how things like "energy healing" (with hands on someone) or accupuncture or chinese herbs (both of which many consider woo woo and have been used successfully for thousands of years) and the like work.
It is well known that bodily movements send "messages" to our brain and nerves.
I love the idea of holding one's hands out and speaking or thinking "I hold myself open to the new. New opportunities, new wisdom, new learning, new healing, etc."
Symbolism has its place. I don't have the language to describe exactly what I'm trying to say.
All I know is that many times in my past, tapping and speaking certain thoughts/wishes, saying or thinking a mantra (during radiation treatments) have helped immensely.
I recently had to undergo an MRI. I am claustrophobic and just the thought of the test had me hyperventilating. So I practiced some of my tapping techniques and I kept saying: I can do this. I can do this. I.Can.Do. This.
And I did. In the past I had to be sedated, but not this time.
we are only waking up in this country to the various modalities that can help us heal emotionally and even physically.
Labeling can be limiting and isn't necessary. Untraditional. Unfamiliar. The like are neutral. Some people stop reading/listening the minute they hear "woo" or something like it.
Or as someone I know calls it "spiritual mumbo jumbo." Sigh
Agreed; while there is a lot of pseudo-scientific "wellness" stuff out there, I do think that people are a little too quick to dismiss the mind-body connection, particularly people who have grown up in conservative religious traditions. And since I know a lot of my readership falls into that category, that's why I offered the little, "This might sound woo-woo but maybe give it a try" bit. 🙂
I loved this column and found it very helpful (I've passed it on to several friends who have true difficulty with the holidays).
Allowing ourselves to feel what we feel is one way to work through (instead of getting stuck in and defending our feelings) our feelings and free ourselves from unnecessary self or other judgment about "how things should be."
Thank you.
What a lovely post. I am extremely privileged and fortunate to have literally 95% of everything I want with me over Christmas and all the time, and this still resonates.
I feel like a real whiner when I think of how much of that 95% of privilege and wonderfulness I would hand back with both hands if I could have my mom (and dad, but especially my mom) back, even just for a quick chat. I miss her so much. It does help that she lived a decently long (not long enough!) life and had a genuinely enviable death and all of that good stuff. And yet. Here we are.
I suspect that the whole ''LETS BE MERRY! YAY!'' schtick that seems so pervasive at this time of year makes it that little bit worse, especially for those who are struggling.
I hope you particularly realise that your posts are a bright spot, whether simple and short or a bit longer, and that's the thing: finding fun and a bit of joy even in simple, lower-key things is what helps. Today we went for our village's annual Boxing Day Stroll around our common, followed by mulled wine and mince pies at the cricket club after. I know, wild, right? But it was a bright day, people I know to say hi to, but not very well were there, it was great! Even sulky teenagers couldn't pretend they weren't enjoying it. It cost zero and involved a 5 minute walk down the road. Keeping it straightforward and not too grandiose is where it's at, as far as I'm concerned, be that financially or in any other respect. It's less daunting to think of having a nice meal at home than trying to work out a more glamorous affair, for example.
This time next year, you will be so far ahead and look back at this somewhat tough time as an unpleasant memory. You're going on to so many better things, onwards and upwards.
Hugs
I am 72 years old and have used this "open my hands to receive God's blessings for years." Now when one of my family is going through a difficult time we ask...are your hands open? We all have difficult times..it's part of our journey here. You are well on your way to becoming the best you can be....
Thank you. Peaceful time is welcome in my life. Maybe the holidays get overloaded with expectations and ideals, and we are sad when the actually fall short. I have enjoyed a very quiet time, including several naps and a lot of OTC cold remedies, relieved to not be frantically busy. Sleep is a gift! But I have had some sad holidays too. Wishing all of you a happy and prosperous new year, full of frugal joys!
This post really hit close to home for me. I shared it with my son's step-mother. It's convoluted: I did not marry my son's dad. My son's dad married a very lovely woman 27 years ago who is the best step-mother and one of the kindest human beings on the planet. My son's dad is divorcing his wife and she doesn't want it and she's devastated. I shared your post with her on Christmas Eve so that she would know she is not alone. She thanked me for sharing it - so I am thanking you for your very compassionate and caring post.
Thank you for the encouragement. It was my first Christmas without both my parents. My Dad gone in 2009 and my Mom just last January 9th, (2023). I also lost a brand new Son-in-law and close Aunt by September.
Aww, that's a lot of loss to deal with. Sending you love!