Monday Q&A-School Supplies, College, Weddings, and more
Every Monday, I answer a few of the questions that my readers send me. If you have a question you'd like me to answer in a future Q&A post, just leave me a comment here or email me (thefrugalgirl [at] gmail [dot] com) and put Q&A in the subject line.
How do you save on homeschooling books and supplies? I homeschool my 2 kids (9 and 7) and I have a hard time finding the books I need at our used bookstore or even online.
-Tracy
I have had the most success finding used/discount schoolbooks online, at half.com (if you missed it, you might want to read my glowing post about that site) or on Ebay. At those two sites, not only can I find good deals on non-consumable books, I'm also able to purchase consumable books (workbooks) for great prices.
I've also gotten free school books as hand-me-downs, and at a curriculum swap our umbrella group holds every year.
Another way I save is by using the public library whenever possible. For example, we're studying the 50 states this year (well, we probably won't finish this year at the rate we're going!) and I don't think I'll have to buy a single item for this study. We're simply using books and DVDs that are available for free at the library.
In the "This is what frugal looks like," feature, you mention you are trying to pay off your mortgage, save for retirement, pay for your next cars in cash.I'm wondering about the future of your kids? Do you foresee putting money for college aside for them? What about their marriages? Weddings? Cars when they come of age? etc? Have you factored any of these into your long term plan?
-Reese
Good questions! Yes, we are saving up to help pay for college (or alternate educational expenses, like a trade school, if that's what fits our kids' needs). Unless something surprising happens, we will not have enough money saved up to cover four years of college for four kids, but we will do what we can. It'd be great if we could save more, but all we can do is our best. I figure something will be better than nothing, and it won't kill our kids if they have to take some time off of college to work and save.
As far as cars go, I'm fairly certain that we will expect them to buy their own (that's what I did as a teenager). They all have a long-term savings section in their banks, which is intended to someday buy a used car.
Wedding costs are not something that my husband and I have discussed much yet! We've got a bit of time before we need to worry about that, seeing as our oldest is only 10. As our kids get towards marrying age, we'll likely start setting aside money in a wedding savings account. And we will likely set a budget that is equal for all of our kids, which will mean that if one kid wants a more expensive wedding than another, we'll expect them to pay for anything over the budget (and if one kid has a less expensive wedding, they'll get to keep the leftover money). My husband and I both feel that it is fairly silly to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars to get married (especially when that money has to be borrowed), so we will encourage our children to keep things simple and sane.
I just wondered, do you bake on Wednesday for the week? Or is it just an "expression"?
I wanted some help organizing my baking schedule. I work full time out of the home as well as part time freelance work at home. With one teen to cook for I don't need too much but a plan would help me get to it more regularly.
-Alyce
With the exception of summertime (when I try to do a bunch of baking at one time so as to not heat up the oven all the time), I usually just bake here and there and everywhere as I have need. So yes, Wednesday Baking is just the name of the baking series here on my blog...trust me, I am not organized enough to bake, take pictures, AND get a baking post up by 7:00 am. The recipes that I post on Wednesdays are things that I've baked earlier in the week.
If I were in your situation, though, I'd certainly consider having a baking day every now and then, provided you have freezer space to store your baked goods. Since there's only you and your teen, one baking day a month would probably work out well for you.
You can read about a baking day I chronicled here on my blog if you want some inspiration.
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Readers, as always, do feel free to chime in with any advice you have to add to mine!
I just found your blog the other day and am so glad I did. I have spent far too much time reading old posts, however, it is time well spent. About college, I think it is great for parents to help their kids out, but think that paying for everything will leave kids thinking that they are entitled to things that they should have to work for. I clearly remember the people whose parents paid for college, being the ones who partied the most. Those who had to help pay their way were much more appreciative of the fact that they were even able to be in college.
Well, having said all that, I love your blog and have you in my favourites.
Theresa
I paid my way through college as too, my parents helped with books only. I commuted to a very reputable university and was able to stay at home rent-free. The agreement was that if I attended college they would allow me to live in their home rent-free and would provide meals as well.
I agree with Theresa, there was a marked difference in attitude and scholarship between those who paid their own way and those who were on their parent's dime.
I agree, College doesn't need to be something that Mom and Dad are responsible for. I graduated from university with a degree in Accounting ... and zero debt. I worked every summer and left home with 12k in the bank for school. Saving for college was an important thing that my parents taught me. I think college being cost prohibitive is a myth. People can afford to go to school... they just have to choose a school with affordable tuition and can't live at the same standard of living that their parents likely have while they are doing it. Work, apply for scholarships, and above all study and get involved in the academic community! You'd be amazed at the number of financial doors that will open as a result. In my senior year alone I received $6,000 in accounting scholarships. Paying for this part of life is so valuable. I not only graduated with a degree and an excellent GPA... I graduated with self-respect. I did something few of my peers had the self-control to do... live consistent with my income and manage to stay college loan free. My parents paid for a few plane tickets and I do remember one $500 check coming through, but for the most part, it was something I did on my own. And that's a good feeling.
Hi Kristen! I am very curious to know if you have any resources for what to teach each age level in homeschooling? I think that is the part that will overwhelm me the most. I want to make sure they get the best education possible! My oldest will be 5 in May, my youngest 4 this coming August. Is there a curriculum, or website you use to help along with age levels and what to teach that year? I would assume most 4 and 5 year olds wouldn't really grasp learning about the states yet, but maybe a map to get started with? So overwhelmed! No one in my family homeschools, I will be the first!
I know there is stuff like this out on the web, but I haven't really used it so far. Generally speaking, schoolbooks are laid out by grade level, so if you go that route, it's pretty simple to figure out what to use for each kid.
As far as our geography studies go, Sonia, who is 5, listens to the same books (I read our library books out loud) and watches the same DVDs that Joshua, who is 10, does. She absorbs it at a different level, I am sure, but she does pick stuff up. So for that kind of thing, I don't worry about grade level.
If you're specifically interested in kindergarten stuff, you might be interested in the post I wrote about kindergarten basics: https://www.thefrugalgirl.com/2009/08/kindergarten-basics-on-the-cheap/
If I could offer a tiny bit of advice, it would be to not overwhelm yourself by thinking about the long-term, big picture right now. All you need to know for the moment is what to teach in kindergarten, and kindergarten is simple. If you do the basics I outlined in the post above, and supplement with library books, your kindergartener will be good to go.
Thanks. It does get a little overwhelming if I think about the big picture. 🙂 I think I am just nervous about it mostly because I wasn't homeschooled myself, and this is the first one I will homeschool. Thanks for the advice! I definitely liked your post on kindergarten when you first wrote it, and some of the things we already do, he is picking up well! It inspired me to make the decision to homeschool. 🙂
Awww, that's great. I have a distinct advantage here in that I was homeschooled myself, so I know how it all works and I haven't the faintest worry that it doesn't work as well as public school. New homeschoolers have a much more difficult time fighting off doubt and discouragement.
I think once you give it a try, you'll feel much better. New things are usually most overwhelming before you jump in, you know?
Always feel free to holler with questions, ok? 🙂
I agree also about college. I picked one close to home so I could save money on room and board. I also applied for lots of scholarships and my parents ended up being paid my last year of college because the school gave me so much money. I also worked all throughout college and earned money to pay the fees and books.
About weddings... my parents always said they were going to do what you mentioned. However, they soon found that they wanted things that I was willing to cut out (I wanted a cake reception and they wanted real food). Also, since I was the first kid they didn't know how much to set as a limit. I think they are setting a max limit for each of the kids now, based on what they found from my wedding, that they can't go over. I had a very simple wedding, did my own flowers, made my own cake, made the desserts and all the decorations. I borrowed tons of things from other people, like table clothes and some of the dishes. Even with a simple simple backyard picnic reception I am sure my other siblings are going to be able to spend less money because I had to invite the whole church (since I was marrying the pastors son) and my parents felt like they needed to invite every person they ever knew (since it was the first wedding). I think they have learned that they don't need to do either of those things.
I guess I am just saying that things change and weddings are sort of hard to plan to give money back to kids unless they just decide to have a really simple wedding with just family... There are just too many factors to consider. Up until last year I would have totally agreed with you. 🙂
Hi Kristen!
I am really enjoying your blog! Just wanted to chime in about tuition...my parents did pay my tuition, but only had enough for me to go to an in-state school (I'm lucky to live in Columbus, Ohio, so being a Buckeye was the natural choice for me!) and I basically had to live at home, pay my own car and expenses, and pay for books, clothes and any extras I got. I was so grateful to be able to go to school at all! I agree with parents helping with college, but I don't think kids appreciate it when the "deluxe" college package just gets handed to them.
I have mixed feelings on the college issue- on the one hand, I worked full time while going to school full time and had to meet a very high GPA standard to keep my scholarship. Living at home was not an option, and my campus had apartments instead of dorms, with no meal plan, so we're talking utilities plus food bills on top of rent. In a lot of ways, I feel like I really, truly, earned my college degree on my own, more so than a lot of people I knew who didn't work, or who had mom/dad paying and didn't finish, or took 6 years. I think it is good for children to work while they go to school, to live frugally, stay in the dorm, etc...
HOWEVER, there are definitely circumstances where money does keep one from going to college, I don't think that is a myth (although it's far less prevalent than people use it as an excuse for, I'll admit that). For example, I'm a great believer in community college for the basics, get good grades, and try and get a transfer scholarship to a 4 year college. But in my small (40,000 people) hometown, there is no community college, just a private college with insanely high tuition. One has to go to a bigger town at least two hours away, and when a "high" wage in my small town for a high schooler working evenings/weekends is minimum wage, it's very difficult to transition from small town life to a bigger town to attend that cheaper community college. There is also the problem of out of county fees, and community colleges very often do not have dorms/meal plans, so if one has to move they either have to have family or an insanely cheap apartment plus a well paying, flexible job waiting for them. I think for children in cities with community colleges, with good employment opportunities, and with functional, supportive parents who will allow them to live at home rent free while they go to school, there is really no excuse to not go, but there is a definite section of people for whom the cost is prohibitive due to geographical and economic factors.
I work full time and bake all of my family's bread. I have a couple of strategies.
1) I only have time to do "real breads" (kneaded doughs with lengthy rising times)on weekends. I plan my baking ahead of time, wake my sourdough starters Friday night, and have all the ingredients so I can wake up on a weekend morning and get to it. It usually takes an entire day, sometimes two. (Keeps me busy and entertained so I'm not out spending money).
2) Typically I will make one loaf of multi-grain bread (with a sourdough starter), one loaf of white bread, sourdough english muffins, and occasionally "something special" (e.g. bagels, cinammon rolls, something to take to a pot luck, etc.). Once a month I make four small challahs from a recipe for a much larger challah.
3) But we like bread and treats during the week too! So I always have a batch of no knead "Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day" in the fridge. Then, any time I want, I can pull off a piece of dough and make a bread, breadsticks, or rolls for dinner, a pizza, a pastry to take to the office, etc. It's relaxing to me to bake in the evening and takes very little time with the ABin5 method.
4. The weekly sandwich breads are sliced, packaged two to a sandwich-sized zip bag, and frozen (they fit nicely on the rack on the door of the freezer). To use, zap in the microwave 20 seconds and it's like freshly made bread. English muffins are tossed in a big zip bag and frozen, other goodies wrapped in foil and plastic and frozen. Everything gets used up within 2 weeks and keeps that just-made taste if thawed while still wrapped or in the microwave. We have a small freezer, so there's a limit to how much I can make ahead.
It's doable, but it takes some planning. The only time my husband had to go out and buy bread was when I was too sick with bronchitis to bake for 3 weeks in a row.
On college: I think your plan is an excellent one. I earned a scholarship that paid for about 90% of my tuition costs in college, and the room and board was mostly covered by my parents. I worked as an intern every summer of college (earned between $12.50/hour for a standard 40-hour week my first summer up to $17/hour) in my chosen field, engineering, then applied a large chunk of that every year towards books, a bit of my room and board, and spending money for incidentals like going out to a movie or out for lunch to celebrate a friend's birthday. I also worked as a grader three of the four years I was there, about 10 hours/week at $10/hour (min. wage for my school's work-study program, so min. wage for the whole campus).
Working while in school definitely helped teach me to manage my time, but not being under an extreme strain to earn money just to eat or have a roof over my head allowed me to focus more on my studies (I was in one of the most challenging engineering programs in the country - the place where the kids who can't afford MIT but can get in go). I had friends who had to choose between studying for an exam and working to earn enough money for rent, and friends who didn't care what their GPAs were as long as they weren't flunking out because Mommy and Daddy were paying their way. I don't recommend either route.
On weddings: My grandparents gave my mom and her sister the exact same amount of money for their weddings. However, my aunt got married in a small town in rural Kentucky. My mom got married 9 years later in a much larger town not far from the Twin Cities in Minnesota. What paid for the majority of my aunt's wedding barely scratched the surface for my mom's because of the difference in time and geography, even though both were done "on a shoestring". Just be aware that what may cover a good chunk of the oldest's wedding may not cover much of the youngest's unless they get married relatively close together in the same general area.
On baking: I keep things pretty basic - one or two baking days in which I make three loaves of our stand-by: (mostly) whole wheat bread with some oatmeal in it. It's great as toast, works well for sandwiches, and can hold up in soup or as french bread. I freeze two loaves and thaw as needed to maintain freshness.
To Theresa, Kathleen, Shannon, and others who think that students whose way is paid, don't appreciate it: I think you're making a big generalization here. Even if it's true that a greater percentage of paid-for students don't appreciate it, that doesn't mean that all of them don't appreciate it. It also doesn't mean that those who pay their own way always get the most out of the experience. I know a lot of paid-for students who do appreciate what they got and plenty self-paid who were just wasting their money.
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It always makes me sad, to see how much preparation some couples put into their wedding and how little into their marriages. (This, thankfully, doesn't apply to everyone!) I also don't understand blowing a ton of money on a party when there are more lasting things to address. Maybe I'm just an old coot but the idea of spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on a dress you're going to wear once doesn't make sense to me either. Makes more sense to me to put that money toward something I'd wear once a week for the next decade; a'course men have it easy, what with the tux rental industry and all.
I think most of the readers were saying that in their experience, the people whose way was paid didn't appreciate it as much as those who had to work to pay their way. That's just an observation of their experience, and I think that's fine.
In my own life, I have observed that I and other people don't TEND to appreciate anything as much when it's been handed to us. There are exceptions, of course, but as a general rule, we humans generally treasure something more when we've had to work for it.
To use an example, some children who grow up in homes where they are given everything they want do manage to grow up unspoiled. However, they seem to be the exception to the rule.
It was hard for me to tell whether the sweeping statements were for rhetorical effect or not. I know enough people who *do* believe that no one who's way was paid for appreciated it, until I point out that they probably don't notice the ones who aren't making a spectacle of themselves. Same, BTW, tends to be true for unspoilt rich kids: if the kid isn't acting up, we're less likely to look further.
That said, I agree that people don't tend to appreciate things that come easily. Even ducklings bond better to mamas that are hard to get to at first.
Thank you, William. I didn't have to work nearly as hard to pay for it as some of the other commenters (though I worked full time every summer and had a work-study job all four years). I had many wonderful professors, lived in a different part of the country, and met a lot of people living on campus. My college experience was a rich one, and I value the experience more each year. It is true, too, that as I get older, I appreciate more the sacrifices my parents made to put my four siblings and me through college.
On college: I worked all through college and paid for it myself. My parents let me live at home rent free. I started at a community college and transfered to a four year university after I graduated with my associates degree. My husband was a high school valedictorian and received a full ride to a four year university. He worked really hard during high school and continued through college (graduated Summa Cum Laude!). I have had friends who had their parents pay for school and still worked very hard. I have also seen friends who had their parents pay for their school not really care. I think it just depends on the person and how they were raised.
I agree with Kristin's plan. My husband and I will try to save as much as we can for college but I feel our children will appreciate it more if they have some stake in it.
I know you mentioned you live in the DelMarVa area. If you're in VA (not asking, I know that's private!) there is this option: http://www.virginia529.com/SavOptVPEPOverview.asp for college. It's the Virginia prepaid tuition plan - from my understanding, it lets you begin paying for Virginia colleges at the current tuition price. My parents didn't do it for my older sister and I, but when we both went to VA state schools, they began it for my little sister. It saved them thousands, and everyone I know whose done it is extremely happy they did.
Do you use your dishwasher (do you have one?) and if so, how often do you use it? Or do you prefer to handwash dishes? Which is more frugal? For 2 of us (3 at the moment as we have a guest) we are running the dishwasher once a day. Is this a lot?
Also, don't you ever get tired of cooking? I've cooked all week and though I realize I've only just started, I am tired of cooking already and just want to take a night off! What do you do when this happens to you?
My family set the same trend for college, graduate school and weddings. As the oldest to participate in all of these, my experiences were the ones to set the expectation for my younger siblings. The amounts that the family would contribute for college, graduate school and weddings were very clearly discussed and the expectation was that the four of us provide for any costs above those already allocated. We have all gone to different graduate schools (including one full tuition scholarship) and had different types of weddings in various locations. Some of us have had to take out a lot of loans to finance our choices, but that was clearly understood by all parties. It was so nice knowing the amount we could rely on and it helped to quell any sibling rivalry! Just a note- the sibling who got a full ride did get to use the money to help buy a car!