Monday Q&A | Heebie-Jeebies about Used Clothes, Handling Homeschool Preschool Criticism, and Keeping Towels White
I typically only buy new clothes. I usually find some pretty good deals on clearance etc., but lately I've been looking at Craigslist and have found some really good deals on "lots" of children's clothing. I feel like I shouldn't pass up such a good deal when we need them, but I can't get over my, I don't know how to explain it, fear I guess, of other people's germs and such. Is there anything special that you do when you wash used clothes, or do you just wash them once regularly and they're okay?
-A.
Yep, I usually just wash and dry second-hand clothes before we use them. It would be kind of hard for any germs to survive a trip through the washer and dryer, so I'm not at all squicked out by second-hand clothes after they're washed.
If you think about it, it's quite possible that clothes from a regular store have already been on another child's body, assuming that store has fitting rooms. So it's not like every piece of brand-new clothes is totally unworn.
I would feel odd about used underwear or socks, but shirts, pants, shorts, and dresses are all good by me.
I have 4 kids, the 2 older ones don't go to school in the district we live in so I drive them to/from school everyday. My 3 yo is old enough to start preschool this year, but the times they offer mean I'd be driving into town 1-2 extra times/day!!! Oy!
I would LOVE to homeschool him for the next 2 years at least (plus save $200/mo...that's the price of preschool). What do you recommend as far as homeschool programs (there are so many choices)? AND I'm getting negative feedback from family on my choice, how do I handle that? They think he'll be behind on a social level but my son is well above his friends his age socially.
-Brandice
On the fact that people have social concerns over a kid not going to preschool: dear heavens. I think that's...a little silly. For years and years, most children didn't go to preschool, and I'm pretty sure they managed to survive in spite of that.
Here are a few things for you to remember:
-You have four kids. So, your three-year-old has hung out with other children every single day of his life and he'll continue to do that.
-You probably have friends. And your friends probably have kids. So, there's some other socialization that your son gets.
-Not all the socialization that happens at preschool is fabulous. And three-year-olds are pretty lacking in discernment, so this is a lovely time of life to make sure he socializes with children that won't encourage bad behavior.
-He's been doing fine thus far. If he's ahead socially right now, after having spent three years Not In Preschool, it would stand to reason that he will continue to be properly socialized if he spends the next two years Not In Preschool.
-$200/month is significant. So is your time. And given all of the above, I don't think there's any good reason to spend your money and your time on preschool for him.
On the curriculum front, I may have to defer to my readers because I have never done a formal preschool curriculum. I've mostly done a lot of reading aloud to my preschoolers, provided them with fun, educational DVDs to watch (National Geographic type of stuff), let them color and draw, and also given them plenty of free time to play. We also did a lot of casual, everyday-life learning, like talking about colors, and counting things ("You can take five pretzels out of the jar.")
If you have a good idea of what he'll need to know going into kindergarten and you don't want to mess with a formal curriculum, you could just go it on your own like I did, while adding in the skills he needs for kindergarten (if he needs to write his alphabet or his name, you could have him practice that each day, or you could buy a pre-K Handwriting Without Tears book).
I guess the last thing I'd say is that it's good to remember that this is just pre-school, so don't stress out too much about it. Keep it fun and informal, and let your son enjoy just being a three-year-old. 🙂 I've done very little official preschool work with my kids, and by the end of their kindergarten year, all four of them were reading, writing their letters with no problems, and doing first-grade math.
I am going back to college in a few weeks and I'm changing up my decor (frugally, of course!) My mom knew I was re-decorating my personal bedroom at school so she generously bought me some new towels from Target that match my new shower curtain and bedding. These towels are beautifully white with a green accent edging. Now my mom told me I cannot bleach them and that bleach would ruin the accents. She is currently embroidering them with my initials and so now I definitely can't bleach them. How can I keep my new towels sparkling white throughout usage WITHOUT bleach?? I thought maybe Oxy-Clean? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!
-Caitlin
I've had good experiences with Oxi-clean, so yep, I think that's a good idea. If you had access to the outdoors, leaving the towels in the sun would also help to keep them white. But I assume that's not a possibility if you're living in a dorm.
Mr. FG and I use white towels and I rarely have to bleach them...I just wash them regularly and throw them in the dryer. But if you live in an area where the water makes white items dingy, I can understand why you'd usually bleach your towels.
_____________________________
Readers, all three of these questions could use your input. Have at it!
I only buy second hand clothing and on very rare occasions, I've slipped something on without washing it. Nothing bad happened but yeah...I wash everything first usually. There have been times I've bought something 2nd hand that smells like it had been freshly laundered but then on closer inspection, it has animal hair all over it. That's the sort of things that grosses me out.
Hi, to the reader concerned with "germs" and such with used clothing. I understand your squeemishness on this. I was mostly concerned with things like lice and bed bugs when it came to used clothing/bedding. But we still enjoy our used belongings. I have a rule that everything used has to go through the laundry room first. When we first get the used items home, it all gets washed on the very hottest setting, and dried in the dryer. That's enough to kill just about anything traveling on used fabric.
But really, I think it's just squeemishness, as we buy things from retail stores that have been touched and tried on by many folks, without batting an eye. We stay in hotels and use sheets and towels that many folks have used and think nothing of it. We eat in fine restaurants and use cloth napkins that other folks have touched to their faces, and drink from cups and use silverware that others have put to their mouths, but when was the last time you heard someone complain that the utensils were "used"?
Back to clothing, a hot water wash and machine dry on high heat should kill most everything. And whites could be treated with chlorine bleach to kill anything else, if it really worries you.
Yes! We're so inconsistent about our squemishness, aren't we?
My close friend and I swap all our children's clothing. I had girl she had boy, now I have boy and she girl. Perhaps it's because I love her Kids that I have no problem whatsoever with the clothing, I'll even pop them on the Kids un-laundered if I am time-pushed!
I'm pretty sure that germs,bugs etc can't live indefinitely anyway - by the time they are washed they're probably pretty much sorted anyway!
It reminds me of an article that Amy Dacyzyn wrote about selective squeamishness, and how it seemed like if it was a frugal activity it was viewed negatively. If it was a "luxury", like eating out, staying in a hotel etc then people weren't bothered by it. Funny people us human beings are. 🙂
Seconded. Or think about it this way: hotels don't give you newly- bought sheets and towels.
Now hotel beds are something I really have to not think about when staying anywhere - seriously! It's a squeamish topic for me. I once refused to stay somewhere because of the bed...
I wash everything I buy before I wear it (new or used), but if something has a funny odor or actually looks dirty, I definitely wash it on hot. I can't tell you the number of times I've taken a beautiful shirt with a stain on it home and it's come right out, so it's often worth the effort!
Brandice,
My oldest of three kids (she's now 4.5 years old) tried preschool last year and quite honestly, not only was I unhappy with the amount of money we spent on it, the only thing she picked up socially were bad habits and language that we don't use in this house.
Halfway through the year, I pulled her out of the preschool she was enrolled in. We saved money, she seemed happier, and the habits/language vanished within a week. Preschoolers are incredibly impressionable, and I think that giving them a great foundation at home is much more valuable than doing something you're not sold on simply because people are voicing contrary opinions. Remember: Other people might criticize you for your choice to not do "formal" preschool, but ultimately, you get to make the decision.
Good luck 🙂
This! Your child, your decision. Ultimately, someone you know won't approve of any decision you make, so just do what is right for your family!
My elder child, my son, just turned 4 in June, and has never been to a formal preschool. At age 3 we were seriously considering it because he's a fairly reserved kid, and I was concerned about whether he was getting enough exposure to other kids. We looked and looked, but couldn't find anything we could afford that we were also happy with. I did a ton of online research trying to figure out how to do preschool at home, and basically ended up doing what Kristen describes. If you want some help thinking about making your home learning-friendly, try looking around for articles on setting up a Montessori home for preschoolers. Also, if your older kids are now out of the house a lot of the day, you could look into free events like reading time at a local library or a library close to where the older ones attend school.
Just taking the time to slow down, turn off your phone/computer, then read to and pay attention to your youngest will do way more for encouraging his natural curiosity than the best preschool in the country.
If it's a situation where you personally need a break (I have a good friend who is sending her 3-year-old to preschool simply because when he gets too bored, he gets destructive, and they recently had a new baby and live far from family), you could check into 1- or 2-day a week programs, swapping childcare with a friend who has a similar parenting style, or even just checking into your local YMCA for tumbling or swim classes (which are usually cheaper than all-day preschool).
I'd like to say a word on behalf of fairly and very reserved people, and that is that it is not a fault and may in some cases be an asset. My parents have always worried that I am not "social" enough and that sometimes I don't get certain social cues (and, no, I am not Aspergers, the diagnosis de jour). I ended up in a solitary sort of job that I love enormously and that contributes to the world, I married another reserved, but less so, man and we have been together for 29 years now and very happily. I have spent a lot of time living in other countries, and in my opinion, Americans have a bit of a fixation on making their kids social. Some people are solitary by nature and I was glad when I finally got old enough and had enough personal power to refuse to participate in things just to "be social." It is the less social of us who tend to inhabit laboratories, write books, help behind the scenes in community activities. It was, frankly, very painful to constantly be pushed into noisy, over busy, usually pointless activities just so I would lose my natural nature. I often felt my parents wanted me more social because it mortified them that I would slip out of gatherings and find some place to read or just close my eyes to block out the noise generated by a large group. I was happy to be a loner, they were not happy with a loner daughter. I am not saying that is your case, but consider that your child may just be more introverted by nature.
Have you read the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain? The most interesting part of the book for me was her theory about how the U.S. culture changed from one that valued character to one that valued personality. She also has some idea about how to parent introverts which I think you would agree with.
part way through this but not enough quiet in my house to finish (snort). But have a son who would be labeled introverted save that he is happily social on his terms. Love the book. encourage anyone who thinks they may be 'quiet' or have a 'quiet' child to read. many insights for me and my one small, and the other outrageous kids in my home will also benefit as their mom figures herself out!
Thank you so much for defending those of us who do not wish to be part of every social, loud, crowd. I had a preschool teacher concerned that my oldest son did not want to interact all the time with others. Well, the others were being wild and crazy. When with others who think as he does, he interacts just fine. He was just discerning enough to see that he didn't want to be part of crazy behavior. When he was tested for gifted, he hit the ceiling of the test, meaning over 165 IQ. All children are individuals, and we should not put into preschool just to make them act like everyone else. Sometimes acting like everyone else is a bad thing.
As per homeschool preschool curriculum, check out Confessions of a Homeschooler. There is a paid curriculum, but also lots of fun free printables. Starfall.com is great too.
As a former public school teacher and current mom, I don't think preschool is necessary, especially for a 3-year-old. I would say the #1 thing you can do to help prepare your child for school is to simply read books to him/her daily. I agree with what Kristen said about casual learning throughout the day, too. I think most parents do this without even trying.
If you are looking for more ideas, activities, and resources, check out this blog:
http://www.icanteachmychild.com/
Completely agree. I think that all a 3 year old needs is books read to them and time to play.
On preschool. 🙂
First, let me just admit that I was a preschool drop-out. My parents made a move two months into my preschool career, and my mom never found the energy (hoot!) to enroll me once we moved to our new town. Despite such a dire beginning :), I am able to function as an adult and even (gasp!) have friends. I know, shocking.
Second, after we brought our eldest two daughters "home" from public school to begin homeschooling, I declared my life "preschool-free." It is no small thing to drive across town twice a day and pay $150 a month for my younger children to learn to line up (which, honestly, we just don't find time for in our homeschool 🙂 ), eat some cookies, and scribble on a "letter A" paper. I think preschool has some sweetness, but those moments can easily happen at home for less expense and overall aggravation. Imagine socking that annual $1800 in an account for a future college education. I think it would be far more beneficially used at that age!
And...when I called our dear friend the preschool director, feeling a bit sorry that we were denying said boy the "preschool experience," she said: "Quite frankly, I think most kids are enrolled in preschool because mom just needs a two hour break!" I don't think moms needing a break now and again is anything sinful, but I think it kind-of discounts the whole my-child-will-never-survive-without-preschool nonsense.
Stand strong!
On preschool. 🙂
First, let me just admit that I was a preschool drop-out. My parents made a move two months into my preschool career, and my mom never found the energy (hoot!) to enroll me once we moved to our new town. Despite such a dire beginning :), I am able to function as an adult and even (gasp!) have friends. I know, shocking.
Second, after we brought our eldest two daughters "home" from public school to begin homeschooling, I declared my life "preschool-free." It is no small thing to drive across town twice a day and pay $150 a month for my younger children to learn to line up (which, honestly, we just don't find time for in our homeschool 🙂 ), eat some cookies, and scribble on a "letter A" paper. I think preschool has some sweetness, but those moments can easily happen at home for less expense and overall aggravation. Imagine socking that annual $1800 in an account for a future college education. I think it would be far more beneficially used at that age!
And...when I called our dear friend the preschool director, feeling a bit sorry that we were denying said boy the "preschool experience," she said: "Quite frankly, I think most kids are enrolled in preschool because mom just needs a two hour break!" I don't think moms needing a break now and again is anything sinful, but I think it kind-of discounts the whole my-child-will-never-survive-without-preschool nonsense.
Stand strong!
On preschool. 🙂
First, let me just admit that I was a preschool drop-out. My parents made a move two months into my preschool career, and my mom never found the energy (hoot!) to enroll me once we moved to our new town. Despite such a dire beginning :), I am able to function as an adult and even (gasp!) have friends. I know, shocking.
Second, after we brought our eldest two daughters "home" from public school to begin homeschooling, I declared my life "preschool-free." It is no small thing to drive across town twice a day and pay $150 a month for my younger children to learn to line up (which, honestly, we just don't find time for in our homeschool 🙂 ), eat some cookies, and scribble on a "letter A" paper. I think preschool has some sweetness, but those moments can easily happen at home for less expense and overall aggravation. Imagine socking that annual $1800 in an account for a future college education. I think it would be far more beneficially used at that age!
And...when I called our dear friend the preschool director, feeling a bit sorry that we were denying said boy the "preschool experience," she said: "Quite frankly, I think most kids are enrolled in preschool because mom just needs a two hour break!" I don't think moms needing a break now and again is anything sinful, but I think it kind-of discounts the whole my-child-will-never-survive-without-preschool nonsense.
Stand strong!
Regarding preschool homeschool...... I have two preschoolers, aged four and five. So I've been doing some of my own research in the area of curriculum
One really sweet book is "Before Five in a Row" By Jean Claire Lambert. It is the first book in her homeschool curriculum called "Five in a Row". Basically the curriculum is based around reading excellent children's books to your kids. The "Before five in a row" book is for 2-4 yr olds. For each book, she has multiple suggestions or lessons to extend the learning.
For example, she will take a book like "Blueberries for Sal". One day, after reading the book, you could take your kid to a u-pick and pick blueberries. Another day you could discuss bears and how they hibernate. Another day would be about safety (staying close to your mom). Etc.
Another program that I am planning to do this fall is called "Joyful Heart Character Curriculum". It is a free, online, character based curriculum. It a Christian program, so there are Bible Stories and Memory Verses to enforce the character part. But there are many other elements such as math, crafts, early reading, etc. that you could use whatever your faith may be. And it's free, so that is nice too! You can find it online at http://www.hubbardscupboard.com.
This is for Brandice, there are a ton of preschool ideas for free curriculum out there. If you have Pinterest just search preschool and you will be over loaded. I am also teaching my child at home for Preschool for many different reasons.
A few of the sights we love are Zoodles, Startfall, LetteroftheWeek, 1+1+1=1 (she does so much awesome stuff and is what I base my curriculum off of) and letter of the week curriculum, plus others I have found. I highly suggest the 1+1+1=1, she is amazing and it's all free. Did I mention she's amazing. lol
Good luck!
I find myself in the same boat regarding preschool! We're planning on homeschooling in the future. We live an hour away from any decent schools, which would come out to $200/week in gas alone, not to mention tuition!
Choosing not to go through conventional schools is definitely going to save us a lot of money in the long run.
For Caitlin's white towels with embelishments, if they start to look dingy she could replace the fabric softener (either liquid or sheet) with vinegar. Just pour 1/4 or 1/3 cup in the fabric softener dispenser, or throw it in the washing machine when the rinse cycle starts (I had to do that when I used the laundromat). The vinegar gets out all residue including detergent and previous fabric softener and leaves the towels much more absorbent. My laundry looks a lot cleaner since I started doing this.
Or use color-safe (aka oxygen, aka dry) bleach. Or line dry - sun really does make colors brighter.
But don't use fabric softeners on towels. Fabric softener degrades a towel's ability to absorb water.
Just a comment about the used clothes and the germs, etc. I usually tell people that if they have stayed in a hotel they have used other people's sheets and towels as well as washcloths. They shouldn't worry about germs from clothes.
On used clothes... aside from socks, underwear and shoes, I buy everything used. It never even occurred to me to worry about germs - though I do have concerns about bed bugs, especially with blankets or bedding. I just wash everything with a small splash of bleach - even colored stuff... if you use the bleach sparingly it doesn't seem to cause a problem.
On preschool... child-free here, but I totally think the obsession with pre-school is overblown. CatMan (my better half) was just reading me something yesterday about how Finland boasts one of the most successful educational systems in the world, and they don't start kids in school until age 7!
On white towels... best advice is to wash them in white-only loads... most of the dinginess and discoloration comes from dyes from other pieces of clothing. On rare occasions I get obsessed with getting my whites really white, and I've actually found that Zote soap does the best job. Zote is a big pink bar of soap that is made in Mexico... easy to find in my neighborhood since we have a large percentage of Mexican immigrants here. It's generally used for hand washing, but if things start getting dingy, I'll wet them and rub a generous amount of Zote into them, work it in thoroughly and let it sit... even overnight. Then just toss them in the machine like usual, but be sure to use a cup of white vinegar as fabric softener because it will ensure any soap residue gets washed away. The other thing is... and I know this isn't really "green," but washing whites in hot water really does get them cleaner.
Hi Cat - I've also heard 7 is a good age to start formal education . That's what we in the UK class as 'junior' school rather than 'infant' school. I'm not 100% about this, but I have also heard that the nordic countries that do this also encourage Mom's to stay at home with their children? Even subsidise it? Although I may have dreamt that? Not sure!
What I remember from my year in Norway was that mothers got a yearly stipend from the government for each child. I don't know any more than that, but I remember being incredulous - and extremely jealous about such a thing (jealous because my mother went back to work when I was 7 and I sort of never forgave her for it.)
Regarding preschool, both of my children attended it but the cost was significantly less than you are paying. I don't think it's a "have-to" situation. The thing to remember is, developmentally a 3 year old performs what is referred to as "parallel play". They will play next to another child but don't spend much time playing WITH the other child. By age 4 their brains mature and they are more able to interact with children their own age. I noticed with my children that they could play with an older child and it went well, but they didn't play so well with children of the same age. Christian author and psychologist Kevin Leman writes about this more specifically if you are interested. (he has an easy-to-read, humorous style).
If it makes you feel better, I received criticism for being a stay-at-home mom because my children would be "better socialized" in day care. My children are entering fourth and first grades in the fall and their teachers have consistently complimented their mature manner in interacting with their peers, so I'll leave you to make your own interpretation.
This is off topic, but I don't know how else to ask a question. About a year ago, you recommended some gold colored bread pans. I ordered four of them (I make a lot of bread and prefer to do it all on one day) and they are GEMS. I love, love, love them. Now I want to replace my cookie sheets. DO you have any recommendations for those? Thanks for any help.
Our washer has a Sanitize cycle. Quite frankly, bleach and/or good laundry detergent will probably kill just about anything.
I'm convinced that preschool is a scam to separate kids and integrate them into the "groupthink" mentality early. Either that or it's a money making venture to convince parents that they need to take on extra jobs to pay to put their kids in preschool.
I actually know someone who pays more in daycare/preschool than his wife makes and they will not even consider her staying home with the kid. Crazy!
I've worked out a great deal with a mother who was selling a "lot of 2T" clothing on Craigslist. Her little boy is exactly a year ahead of mine and it's her last kid. She just emails me whenever she has another season of clothes that he grew out of and I buy them from her. I get literally hundreds of dollars of clothing for 60 bucks and his whole wardrobe in one stop shopping. Like everyone said, just hot water and a wash and they are good to go. It's worth it!
About preschool and homeschool, I totally agree with your answer. Preschool is not necessary at all for any reason. However, some children are interested and curious and ready to learn by that age, and if they are, they will enjoy different preschool activities at home. My 3.5yo son had fun this past year doing about 15 minutes of "school" every day. Basically, I read one Bible story, worked on a Bible verse to memorize, had a short phonics (and later, reading) lesson, and a short math lesson. I mostly used printable "tot packs" and "preschool packs" that I found online and otherwise drew from my experience as a K5 teacher. I only did it because he was interested and eager to learn; if your child is happy playing with his toys all day and has no interest in letters or numbers, i wouldn't push it personally.
I have 3 children ages 11, 9 and 5 and we have never done preschool. I believe that preschool is basically daycare and I have luckily been able to stay at home with my children. If a mother is stressed out or trying to work from home then preschool is a great option, but as for feeling that your children will fall behind without preschool, absolutely not. Don't give into the guilt of others trying make themselves feel better about putting their children in preschool.
Regarding preschool: While I know the experience is great for lots of kids, I just have to say this - it's "pre" school, as in, "before" school. It's the time of a child's life BEFORE they begin school. So, if you don't want to or can't send you child, that's perfectly fine! If it works out for you to send your child, that should be ok too, but remember, they can do most of the activities at home.
Regarding preschool, if you want something a bit more structured I highly recommend this program:
http://www.thelearningboxpreschool.com/
Good luck!
-Christine
Q & A
I know that I should not donate used underwear for obvious reasons....but do you have any suggestions on what to do with children's underwear that is too small (other than rags)? It seems such a waste to throw out batches of these!
I haven't got any great ideas other than rags, unfortunately!