Miscellany | aging, early-onset frugality, and a podcast interview
I'm on The Finance Girlies podcast today!
I met Cassidy and Emily at Fincon, and we hit it off right away. They run a podcast together called The Finance Girlies, and they asked if I would be a guest.
I always feel like I'm a little better at communicating by typing than talking (You can edit what you type! You never have to type, "um" while you are thinking!) but we had a fun conversation talking about grocery budgeting, Christmas spending, and more.
Click here to listen to the episode.
And here's where you can subscribe to their Substack newsletter (there is a free option!)
What's one of your earliest frugal memories?
In the interview with the Finance Girlies, they asked me how I started to be frugal, and I said I think maybe I was born this way.
As a kid, I remember attaching the last bit of a bar of soap to the new one, even though I wasn't buying the soap!
I sent away for free cross-stitch patterns using little postcard offers from magazines.
And I remember one time I sent away for a free ceramic tart dish with roses on it; I felt especially triumphant about that one.
I'm curious if you guys have similar stories of early-onset frugality. 😉
A hospital staff thank-you gift idea
Sometimes, the families of patients bring in a thank-you gift for the staff (flowers, a cake, etc.) but I wanted to tell you about my favorite one so far: a large square basket filled to the brim with individual packets of snacks: granola bars, nuts, cookies, fig newtons, and so on.
I loved this because it was so easy to walk by, grab a packet, and stash it in a pocket for a snack (to be eaten when you get a spare minute).
Donuts, cookies, or cakes are nice too, but they are not as portable!
Another benefit of the individual packets: they're great for sanitary purposes in a hospital; even the most germophobic staff members are happy to grab a packet of nuts or crackers.
If you shopped at a warehouse club, I bet that the big basket of snacks is actually cheaper than some things people bring in, such as a big box of Crumbl cookies.
I hope that you and your loved ones don't have to visit a hospital! But if you do, and you want to bring in a thank-you gift, I give the snack basket a 10/10 rating. 🙂
Do you wonder if you will be the only one?
Back when breast augmentation surgery was becoming extremely popular (late 1990s/early 2000s), I started to wonder if I would one day be one of the only people on the planet without one.
That has not turned out to be the case. Actually, there are quite a few people who are getting theirs taken out and are embracing their natural shape/size.
Lately, though, I have noticed that social media is making me wonder if I am going to be one of the only people on the planet without Botox or fillers.
I mean, even people in their 20s are getting Botox as a preventative. My children are the target market for that!
And I realized this is the same feeling I had back when I was a young adult.
I know that getting a breast augmentation and getting Botox/fillers are both morally neutral things. But, I think what bothers me are the underlying expectations that drive these industries.
There's this idea that we are all supposed to look a certain way; that we all need to be curvy above and below, but with a tiny waist, and that we need to avoid aging at all costs.
I'm not placing blame on individual women for this; sadly, it is true that women are treated more poorly if they show signs of age. I can't fault people for playing the game.
(Paulina Porizkova, a 61-year old model, talks about this a lot, even though she is someone who is still so beautiful. She says when you age, you get relinquished to the Invisible Woman category.)
Happily, I do see lots of pushback on the pressure to dye our gray hairs; there's a whole crop of gray hair influencers on Instagram, in fact!
So maybe one day we will learn to accept our wrinkles as well. Perhaps we will even have wrinkle influencers. 😉
For the record: Even though I do wholeheartedly embrace the idea of aging being natural and good, and even though I dislike the cultural pressure that's put on us....this aging stuff is still sometimes a little bit hard for me.
I do not love my gray hairs.
I do not love it when I see crepey skin on my neck in photos.
I do sometimes feel nervous about the fine lines that are forming on my face, and I wonder what my face will look like in 10 or 20 years.
But I'm trying to at least make peace with all of those things and remind myself:
- Aging is a privilege
- Youthful does not equal more valuable
- My appearance is one of the least important things about me
- My heart, the essence of who I am, will still be the same, no matter what I look like
Annnnd I also remind myself that I am saving piles of money by letting my face and hair do their thing.
Ok! As always, any miscellany topic is up for discussion: early-onset frugality, healthcare worker gifts, and aging interventions!
P.S. If you do get Botox or fillers or you dye your gray hair: it is perfectly ok. I'm not trying to make you wrong for it, and you don't need to justify it to anyone, including me.
P.P.S. I realize that I am not even 50 yet, so my worries about aging probably sound very silly to those of you who are in your 60s or 70s. But they are still true, and maybe someone who is my age needs to know that I also feel a little uncomfortable with my gray hairs. 🙂
I've earned every line, wrinkle, and vein - badges of a life worth living. ( Okay, I'll admit I could do without the varicose veins...). Any type of fix would cost money and time, and they're all temporary. So I don't worry about it much. I want to be a grandmotherly figure, not an Instagram model! Maybe as I've never been pretty or slim- no one has been nice to me because of my looks. I needed to rely on brains and patience to get ahead.
For gift basket snacks- there are fruit snacks that are gluten free and vegan- those would be nice to include. My daughter will stuff two or three packs in her pockets for a quick energy boost on her breaks after checking on patients.
@mbmom11,
The great Southern story teller Jimmy Buffet sang, "Wrinkles only go where the smiles have been."
@Bee, I LOVE that!!! So true, and I take pride in mine !!
Oh gosh, I fight the urge to call a plastic surgeon for an eye lift when I look in the mirror, or worse, see recent photos of my. Then I think about my kids, is that setting a good example? Then I think about how my staff are almost all my kids ages now, and how they sometimes, hmmm handle me. Then I think, oh I'm overthinking. And then I overthink about how I over think.
ha
I need to keep that mantra you wrote, how aging is a privilege. Thank you
@MommaJo, Actually, if your lids get too droopy, they can affect your peripheral vision and medical insurance will pay for it. I had mine done a couple of years ago and the difference in what I can see is amazing!
Same thing with veins. I had mine mapped, and closure was considered medically necessary, so insurance covered it. They look better (not great), but the important thing is my legs don't ache or feel tired and heavy all the time.
These were both things I'd always thought were considered elective and not covered, but...!
I stopped dying my hair this year at the age of 52 when I quit working. I figured this was the best time to go through the awkward stage of growing out the color (I've tried highlights or different things to blend the gray until it grows out, but ultimately...it's going to have an awkward stage). I'm a year in and halfway through it and it stinks big time! I hate my hair daily right now, but I know in a year I will be so glad it is done. I don't mind the gray color...I just hate the two tone thing I have going on right now. But, I was done putting dye on my head every 3 weeks.
This past year my doctor recommended I try botox in the outside corner of my left eye because I have an eye the waters NON-stop and is very aggravating. It doesn't droop enough on that outer edge to notice, just slightly enough that causes my tears to not go to my inner edge to drain and instead they run out the outside corner of my eye. The botox lifted it just ever slightly and the first time I got botox I had relief for the first time in over 10 years. They did the entire eye are and between the eyes so that they would be even. I found that people seem to think I was more approachable in public. I have a tendency to have a scowl when I am thinking about stuff and when I am in a store or library or whatever...I'm on a mission and thinking! Without the scowl line between my eyes, it has definitely softened my appearance. I don't think I have many wrinkles, but this has been a nice effect. The second time I got the shots, they didn't help as much, but I will probably keep it up out of pocket every 5 months or so (that's how long I notice it last for me). I don't splurge on much in life, so I'm okay with that one.
@Marlena,
a fantastic, not at all looks-obsessed lecturer I used to know had a pair of UNEVEN jagged frown lines going up her forehead, probably from not being diagnosed as very much in need of glasses till quite late. She had those sorted with botox and gets them done around 2-3 times a year. She says she knows when it's wearing off when her students ask if she's angry about something or upset!
My dad had surgery on his eyelids for this reason; they were drooping and interfering with his vision. If the same happens to me, I will probably get it fixed too.
@Marlena, have you considered doing a transitional color, something that is code to the color of your gray hair, just to unify things until it grows out and make you feel better about it?
@Kim from Philadelphia, I did that for a few months with highlights but eventually it still has to grow out...so I finally bit the bullet and am just going through it. I'm about half way there now.
@Marlena, When I decided to stop coloring my hair I had it frosted gray. No root line as it grew out.
@Marlena, Hats. I got highlight one time and the person put an all-over tint on it too. That's probably another reason I don't color. It took so long for that all-over tint to grow and I wore hats a lot of the time.
It is not only the expectations that worry me, but also the long term health impact of several procedures.
There is an upside to becoming an invisible woman: you notice a lot more than you get noticed and that can be instructive and entertaining. Ever wanted to be a fly on the wall? You will have plenty of opportunity of becoming that.
I've never been a great looker so I do not feel particularly hurt or displaced losing my youth. At 60 I now firmly consider myself to be a senior and that is an easier place to be than say 52.
PS for nice pictures I would rely on Photoshop. Quicker, cheaper, easier to implement new trends, and less invasive.
You know, I wonder if the switch to feeling invisible is more pronounced for someone like Paulina the model, because her appearance has been essentially her job! So to lose the 10/10 youthful beauty and the attention that goes with it is probably especially hard.
@JNL,
I join you in 60s.
I was an obese teen before teens were obese. I grew up in a beach community and boys would scream "Fat Chicks go home!!" out their window when I was walking home. I didn't have a real first date until I was 23. Then I lost weight. I became "beautiful." I dated for sport through my 30s relishing the fact that FINALLY I was desirable. Now at our age, I am facing the shaming culture again. I am very much triggered by my aging signs because they connect to that early pain. Sometimes i panic.
For Today:
1. My hair remains gray and, since my one journey to fillers was a disaster, will not be repeated. My devoted husband of 24 years thinks I am hot and chases me around already. I don't want to mess with that dynamic.
2. I am now doing weight lifting with a personal training. It is so empowering and I strut around the gym.
3. I use the money that would go to the "beauty industry" to invest in small batch clothing and jewelry designers. I look great and every time I walk out the door I get multiple compliments.
PS: It is a hoot you suggested doing your own photo shop for pictures.
Aww, I want to give your teenage self a big hug.
And YES good job on the weight training!!
@Kristen, Paulina is still fabulous looking and has a very impressive figure, so I’ll argue she isn’t typical of women “becoming invisible”
Exactly. So I think if she feels it, how much more will the rest of us?
@Mary Ann, I feel every piece of what you said about our culture and weight and aging. I have always been a larger/taller person and have suffered through multiple eating disorders to "finally" get to a place where society/men treated me differently. I am currently in a several-year phase of recovering from these extreme behaviors and am (getting) to the point of acceptance of my body size. I have been both larger and smaller, but my body is strong and healthy and has ran 11 half marathons, birthed 3 kids (2 at once!), and completed multiple backpacking trips. I hike several days a week, eat healthily (my sister is a clinical dietcian), and go to pilates weekly. In perimenopause, I have gained weight and it doesn't seem to want to go away....so that's where the acceptance sets in.
That said, I have been extremely triggered by the ubiquitous-ness of GLP-1's and other glorification of weight loss medications touted as "miracle drugs", which they very well may be for SOME folks. I can't quite wrap my brain around how this is the "new normal", but circling back to Kristen's words, it does feel a bit like the plastic surgery phase of the late 90's/early 00's. And I need to remember that even though I felt pressure to do that then, it ultimately wasn't for me.
I struggle less with the fillers/facial surgery as I have a great example of aging naturally in my mom. I am so thankful for that.
**also, this is not a knock to those who are helped by medications.
@Lindsey G,
I 100% agree with the temptation of the GLP-1 drugs. The hype round it and the celebrities who are now taking it ( even those who weren't heavy before) have now set an even more impossible standard - especially for those without the resources for it. GLP-1 was life saving for my Mom who has diabetes and was nauseous with any other med. She is 90.
As a recovering overeater and an sober alcoholic, I had always dreamed of "magic pills" to save me. Sigh! For today: I put my head down and remember the tools that have given me a life i never imagined: honesty in forums like this blog, openminded and willingness to take the road that trudges slowly to peace.
@Mary Ann, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I love weight lifting too. One of the reasons I enjoy exercise is the feeling of pride in my body and what it can do rather than how it looks.
@Kristen, My sister, born to parents who would not have won any beauty contests, got the genes no one else in the family got, namely beauty. I remember walking through a busy airport with her and watching men try to hit on her. I asked if that were a normal occurrence and she said it happened every single day, even when she dressed "like a bum" as she put it. We are both seniors now and a few years ago she talked about how she felt a stab the first time she realized she was standing in a line and no man talked to her, no one seemed to see her. It was very poignant to hear her talk about the pain of losing that advantage in life.
Yes, yes, exactly this; when you have spent your whole life being noticed for your physical beauty, I bet it stings a lot when the attention stops.
For the rest of us, the change is not so stark!
My life experience has mostly been being noticed for being cheerful, kind, and almost always smiling. I consider this a mercy, because all of that is likely not going to change as I age; ergo, no identity crisis for me.
@Kristen,
I expect so. I have a colleague who use to turn heads and it was harder for her to get wrinklea and gray hair. She is still attractive, but just by other standards.
I would definitely consider lifting eyelids if they interfered with my vision btw.
Now of to listen to the podcast, since I had no time for that till now!
@Kim from Philadelphia, I agree. And she does plenty of "work" to maintain her looks. The rest of us don't have to feel about it one way or another, based on what a super model feels.
@JNL, YES! Being invisible has its advantages! Ever play that game where everybody tells what super power they wished they had? Mine was ALWAYS invisibility!
@Kristen, good point, though she still looks fabulous
I got my first checking account when I was 13. And I remember absolutely LOVING my savings passbook. I would have a passbook today if I could find a bank to type my deposits! I've always loved seeing my savings grow.
I really love my gray hair. I enjoy seeing my hair change over the years as my gray hair migrates. My husband calls them my highlights and says he loves them! The older I get the more I look like my dad, and I don't love that, honestly, but I suffer from annoying self-confidence so I usually think I'm pretty adorable, even at 61!
I would one thousand percent have enjoyed a passbook!
@Jeana, I had a passbook, too, as a kid and teenager, and I loved when the teller typed in it. My bank paid 5% interest too! And it wasn’t even a high-yield savings account!
@Susan_SFl, thank raygun as the 5% savings went away under him.
@Jeana, I have very fond memories of my passbook. I felt so grown-up.
@Susan_SFl, Ah yes. Passbooks and 5% interest on a regular savings account. Those were the days!
My bustier friends have long assured me that smaller is always better--and less dangerous! My college had a glass blowing course, and one of my blowing partners actually set her left breast on fire because her DDs got too close to the glory hole (actual term for the furnace opening). She was wearing enough layers that she was fine, though she burned a hole through a sweatshirt, t shirt, and started to singe her bra. Being a broke student like the rest of us, she sewed pretty rose patches over the shirts' holes and kept wearing them. It made for a nice art major in-joke; if you knew about the rose patches, you KNEW.
*On the other end of the spectrum, our male classmates learned to not wear jeans or shorts with exposed zippers. Apparently, they could get quite hot! 😛
I've been thinking about the whole body image thing for women since yesterday's post on jeans--and especially since I made a rather disturbing find at a new outpost of our Thrifty Shopper chain's boutique store.
I found a blank book (or at least I thought it was blank) called The Cook's Journal, illustrated with lovely woodcut pictures of foods. But then I discovered that the book wasn't completely blank; the previous owner had filled in the first couple of pages, evidently on New Year's Day. I'm not going to quote anything directly--but, boy, was she beating up on herself about her weight, flexibility, and age, and making impossible resolutions to address same. No wonder this poor woman never got past the second page of the journal. (And the choice of journal was a sad irony, to say the least.)
So I vote for us all being a little kinder to ourselves, as humans and females.
@A. Marie, 100% agree! See above reply to Mary Ann's comment 🙂
@A. Marie,
That is so very sad. Some people will say to things to themselves that they would never say to another human being. I vote for being kind to everyone including ourselves!
@A. Marie, Anne Lamott said it best: “Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you're 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written, or you didn't go swimming in those warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It's going to break your heart. Don't let this happen.”
@Sophie in Denmark,
But Sophie, 65 is not old. It's the new 40. Take it from this senior citizen. (OMG how can that be)
@Bee, Agreed! But I always remember that advice when I feel self-conscious about something. I also remember a poem that was read to us in school called 'Warning: When I am an old woman I shall wear purple' by Jenny Joseph, about how when you are old, you don't have to worry about how things look to others. The poem ends with the line: 'But maybe I ought to practise a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.'
I always 'try and practise a little'!
Great idea on the hospital gift basket of snacks. Healthier than cake or donuts and much more sanitary and easy to consume.
I too saw an article on explants (the removal of implants) and breast reductions. I think the point is to make people, especially women, unhappy with their looks so you can sell them a "solution". The definition of desirable is a never ending cycle. I don't buy into any of it. I have silver "highlights". I have wrinkles. My concern about aging is the thinning of skin since it makes it more easily cut and then prone to infection.
I am grateful to live in a time when women don't have to be defined by how they look. They can achieve almost anything and don't have to depend on a man to provide a home and income.
@K D, I am old enough to remember when breast implants were literally dangerous - they leaked and generated many individual and class action lawsuits for a company in my hometown that manufactured them.
I used the covid years to go completely grey and never looked back. I hated the time and expense to keep up on hair coloring and also was concerned about the harsh chemicals some hairdressers used. I liked the more youthful look of a talented (and expensive) highlighted/dyed hair (although I find that some dyed hair is jarring and unnatural looking) but I would rather spend my dollars on other things.
@Jean C,
I am 65+ and remember the implant problems. I intend to continue with the breasts my genes gave me (and hope I don't get breast cancer).
I was always suspicious of the chemicals used in salons and my DH, a chemist, feels the same way. I have several friends that stopped dying their hair in the past several years. I never dyed/highlighted mine but was generally happy with my natural hair.
With you on aging. I do not like it, but I don't "do" anything about it either. I have never worn makeup, and I don't now, so there's no hiding of anything. I have lots of wrinkles, thanks to my fair skin and quite a lot of sun exposure. I have quite a lot of gray hair. And, worst of all, I have a lot LESS hair in the last couple of years. I am so thankful for my natural curl, which makes it look like I have more hair than I do, but it's still a notable change from even last year. This is what I am most self-conscious about.
However! My friend who is about ten years younger than I am has made more than one comment that she has been reassured by my relative unconcern about gray hair and so forth. We live in a place where women are more likely to dye their hair, have extensions, wear quite a lot of makeup, etc., so maybe she feels like she won't be the only one? I don't know. Anyway, real-life examples of natural aging probably have more impact than social media, so maybe you'll be an example of graceful aging to your younger co-workers?
Silver linings and all. 🙂 (No pun intended until I re-read that, and yes, I totally intend that pun.)
Twins in more ways, friend. My hair has definitely also gotten thinner of late and honestly that bothers me more than the gray!
Mine also has a decent amount of body, which is nice. But I'd prefer to have more hairs to work with.
Also: I didn't have particularly thick hair to start with!
@Kristen, the textural changes of my hair and the loss of its thickness is much worse than color changes and harder to "fix."
@Bee, @Kristen, @Kristin, I started adding powdered collagen to my coffee a few years ago in hopes that my hips would hurt less. It has helped (because sometimes I quit to see if they hurt more) but after a few months, I noticed that my hair was definitely thicker. Maybe the gray has added to the thickness, because gray hairs are more wirey, but I think it is more than just that.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, I do this to. I do believe it helps.
I love my silver hairs, though I may be an outlier. I was raise by women in my family/community who didn’t dye their gray/silver/white hairs as they aged (kinda hippie, kinda frugal, mostly rebellious group). My great aunt was gorgeous and her hair had turned totally white by the time she was 19, and my cousins and I thought she looked like a fairy queen or high fashion model in family photos. I have a vivid memory as a child of looking at my mom with her long dark hair with shiny silver streaks and thinking how pretty it was. My husband is getting silvers/whites in his beard and I call him my silver fox, and he calls my silvers my Unicorn hair. Not that I don’t feel societal pressure to be skinny/wrinkle-free/fashionably dressed/etc., but I’m glad I love my hair, grays and all ?
I often feel like an outlier on frugal living posts when it comes to these topics. I’m 60 & my hair is a deep, bold burgundy. I have no idea if I have a lot of grey & I’m not interested in finding out. My grandmother died at 86 with her dyed auburn hair & she was luscious. I also routinely get Botox around my eyes & between my eyebrows (I have chronic resting bitch face!!!!), currently getting a sun spot lasered off my face, & do routine laser hair removal of my chin & mustache. I don’t have any debt & am privileged to afford this regular maintenance. I am widowed & not interested in dating. I do this strictly for myself- it makes me feel vibrant & confident. I love reading the range of opinions on this topic!
@Diane, love that you do this for yourself! I have a friend whose professionally dyed/highlighted hair always looks terrific - she says it is her plan to have it always so, regardless of her age. Her stylist does a great job.
I bet your hair is beautiful! 🙂
And ohhhh, you know, I could definitely be talked into chin/mustache hair removal. How long do the results last for you?
@Diane,
Do what makes you happy! We're not here to judge. We are here to learn! All opinions and differences are welcome! I'm so glad you feel vibrant and confident, and wish you the best!
@Diane, I love that you do those things for yourself, not for your image!
@Kristen, It’s permanent! It doesn’t work on the white hairs & you have to go back every month or so for a while until the follicles are gone. Google Milan laser hair removal. They have salons throughout the states & after you pay the fee, you can go back ad infinitum!
I would love to get rid of my dark hairs! They are so annoying to pluck.
@Diane, I have an electric razor called an EpiLady that uses a circular motion to remove hair. After using it for years on my legs I no longer grow hair there. Now I use it on my chin and mustache while wondering how long it will be before I no longer grow hair there.
I will say, my legs have grown less and less hair as I have gotten older, so the lack of hair on your legs may just be from that.
But I hope it's from the EpiLady, and that the same will be true for your facial hair. Wouldn't that be nice??
@Linda Sand, I remember when the Epilady first came out! WOW.
I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but in my mid-to-late 50s, I suddenly realized I didn't need to shave as often. I mean like every 3-6 months I think, "Gee, I probably need to shave!" And even though my hair is BLONDE, I was relatively hairy - even needing to shave the tops of my toes! Not any more! I'm nearly 70 and my body hair is nearly non-existent! Not the hair on my head, though. There are LOADS of hairs up there, but they're baby fine, except for the white ones. But my hair had ALWAYS been baby fine - stylists have always commented on how fine (not thin) my hair is.
I've decided that hair is WEIRD - LOL!
I am starting to get my first grey hairs and...wow! I knew the day was coming and now it has arrived.
I feel like so many people ("ordinary" people) are now getting Botox. I do wonder how much of the pressure is internal (wanting to have smooth, wrinkle-free skin) and how much is external (direct pressure from a spouse or expectations in their line of work etc). Either way, I will be avoiding it! Like you, no shade to people who choose to go that route, but it sounds painful and it constantly has to be repeated! Plus, sometimes it goes wrong and it just looks so, so awful.
I am a late boomer - on the border of being a member of Generation X. Things were much different in the 70s. I think frugality is a collection of learned skills, but I think we are naturally born a spender or a saver. I was taught to spend money carefully. I used to save my allowance and birthday money in a tennis ball can under my bed until I needed or wanted something. I still do that, but now it is in a bank account labeled mad money.
On another note, I agree that aging is a great privilege, and it totally beats the alternative . Scientifically, aging accelerates at 44 and 60. Having passed the 6-0 threshold, I have just started noticed that I am aging. I know that I'm a little slow reaching this realization. Although I take very good care of myself, I have never had fillers or plastic surgery. Beauty has not been my focus as I have grown older. I want to stay healthy, strong, and active at this stage of life.
When raising my daughter, I tried to lessen society's focus on appearance. Although she was and is an attractive person, I celebrated her intellectual successes, her athletic achievements, and her kindness. After all, beauty fades, but other qualities are with you forever!
@Bee, I’m with you 100% on the aging thing. (I’m also a late boomer) I have noticed less drive to achieve or set goals, and although beauty is not my focus, I confess to feeling bad about my chin these days. When my dad was my age, he’d see his reflection in a window, slap his hands on either side of his face, push upward, and state, “That poor old guy needs a facelift!!” He died when 2 years old than I am now.
I’m not sure if this really relates, but recently one of my sons was having dental implants and the procedure was at the forefront of our conversations and thought. At the same time, one of the ladies I follow on Instagram was having her implants removed and replaced with smaller ones. Because dental implants were at the forefront of our lives, I thought for two days about why anyone would have their dental implants removed and replaced with smaller teeth—those were not the implants she was talking about! ?
@Karen,
Now that is funny!
@Karen, I'm impressed - I probably wouldn't have figured out the influencer was not talking about teeth!
@Karen, That's hilarious!
I just wanted to comment on the aging gracefully concept. Kristen, you mentioned that your heart will still be the same. I actually want to encourage you that your heart will be improving. As we grow through life as we Christian we can say that the Holy Spirit is improving our heart, and growing us in the fruits of the spirit. And even someone who ascribes to another creed could say and work towards the concept of growing a more beautiful heart, even as our body depreciates. Hopefully this makes sense to everyone - it feels like a good challenge as we go through life - to make our hearts, or ask God to make our hearts and thoughts, more beautiful, or more Christlike each day.
@Helen, I am not religious and I love this idea. Thank you for posting it.
Yes, I love this reframe; that the value of our inner selves can be even higher as we age!
@Helen,
Beautiful! Well said!
@Helen, This is beautiful. It reminds me of a homily that I heard. I am not sure if you ever read the children's book, The Velveteen Rabbit. He was a stuffed rabbit who wanted to be real. This sweet bunny only became real through his experiences and through love.
@Helen, wonderfully said!
As a veteran nurse, I heartily concur with the snack basket, or a veggie/fruit tray. We get SO MANY SWEETS, which are great, but also too tempting when you are trying to be healthy.
I also dislike my gray. I started graying when I was only 14, so I've been highlighting/coloring forever. At 57, with 9 grandkids, I decided to embrace my silver. I want to love it, but I don't. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the old lady. I think it really did add 20 years to my appearance. I was always told I didn't look my age. Not anymore. I DO love not having to mess with it, but I'm leaning toward color again. Maybe it's all vanity, maybe not.
@Tricia, go for it - I say. I giggled when at the hospital when a family member told me at 92, she should really stop dyeing her hair. I told her I think she looks great. ( I'm an rn)
@Jenny, thanks! I'm in such a quandary about it. Agh.
@Tricia, I fully support making the choice that makes you feel happy. I'm wondering though if you have a haircut/style that you absolutely love? I think that often makes a huge difference with gray hair.
@Juhli, I really do love my cut, but I understand what you mean!
@Juhli, YES! The style makes a HUGE difference!
@Ruth, Interestingly, I still often get compliments on my hair, but the compliments are on color/cut, not on my appearance in general. Hearing, "I love your gray" or "That cut looks great on you" hits differently than, "There's no way you're 5o!" So, vanity IS my issue, ha! Life humbles you.
I'm glad you gave such a good suggestion for health care treats. In the past few years we have had a number of hospital stays with wonderful care and we wanted to thank the nurses, cna's etc. and that would have been a great idea. We did bring panera bakery but individual snacks is going to be our go to if there ever is a next time.
Thanks for sharing the snack basket idea. Given the age and health status of my nearest and dearest, it may come in useful.
Personally I'm 100% in favor of my gray. I've earned them and I'm going to show them off. I got a single, long, very noticeable gray hair in my late teens that so freaked out my brother that I named it after him.
Yesterday I learned how to crochet. At the public library, in keeping with our frugal theme. I know just a couple of stitches and (probably) can't read a pattern yet but it's a start. The best part was someone at my table knew a bit already, and we discussed the underlying architecture of crochet stitches.
@WilliamB,
Didn't the football player Roosevelt Grier crochet? Or was it knitting or needlepoint?
Anyway, I remember when he was on TV doing his craft -- a big, muscular, masculine guy doing what was often considered a woman's craft. It was fantastic to see him, and I'm happy to know he's not the only guy doing this!
@Fru-gal Lisa, Rosie Grier was an avid needlepointer.
@WilliamB, when I learned to crochet after years of knitting, my knitting-only aunt accused me of "going to the Dark Side." Crocheting is nice because it's faster. But knitting feeds my soul.
@Fru-gal Lisa, it was needlepoint embroidery.
@WilliamB, crocheting is so much easier than knitting! You will have zero trouble once you learn to read its language, both the visual and the pattern. I learned to crochet just enough to make a dozen boring afghans way back in college (out of acrylic, ugh, gag me). Knitting came along about 20 years ago for me (college is now about 40 years past).
@Fru-gal Lisa, Rosie Grier also sang, "It's OK to cry" on the Free To Be You and Me record album. He was a model for lots of young boys.
I remember saving bubble gum wrappers (back when bubble gum was a penny--gasp!) and sending them away for prizes. We also had a banking program at school where I made a deposit of .25 per week during my elementary years. By eighth grade when the program ended, I had saved about $600. By the time I was 16, I was able to buy myself new bedroom furniture and a car. So yes, I think I was born frugal.
As for physical looks and enhancements, I guess my frugality (and laziness) rules my behavior in this category as well. I have never dyed my hair or used any type of makeup. The thought of surgery or botox is totally unappealing to me for lots of reasons including cost. The only part of aging that worries me is having physical limitations or health problems. As long as you have good health, you're a winner, doesn't matter what you look like or how many gray hairs you have.
@Bobi,
My dad would always fill out crosswords where you could win something. One year he hoped to win a bicycle but instead he won a travel voucher, the biggest prize! Since my parents wouldn't travel abroad, it fell to my sibling and I to go to Paris for four days 🙂
@Bobi, "hear, hear" to your last sentence! Good health and good functioning as we age are key.
@JNL, Your dad and the crossword puzzles reminded me A Christmas Story and the"major prize!". LOL!
@Ruth,
It says "fra-gi-le, it's Italian!" 🙂
I think it's amplified by media and social media. I remember feeling that way about thin-ness and beauty in the early 2000s. I remember thinking to myself, well, look around! My teachers were all married; they didn't look like celebrities in magazines. The moms and dads at the mall were kind of dumpy and ordinary-looking, yet they found love and families and careers. So I figured I'd probably be OK, in the end. Same now. My friends and I are all in our 30s--putting on weight, getting grey hair, starting to have the first signs of aging...but we're a pretty happy bunch, which is what's important.
Oh my goodness, yes, the thin culture in the 90s and early 2000s was wild!!
@Meira Bear, Boy do I ever wish you could have taught me how to see life and think like that 60 years ago! My life would have been very different. At 74 I am mostly there. I am grateful for the shift.
As a teenager I worked at a department store in MD/DC. We also modeled for them. I think I wore an 8/10. Was just a normal kid, not one who would be considered extraordinary. Y'all think the 90's and 2000's were tough. Try modeling when one of the most famous people in the world was Twiggy!!! YIKES!
@AZ Lynn,
I agree! And the 70s were rough with the "thin culture" as well!
Timely post about aging, as it's been on my mind as well.
I don't spend a lot on beauty products, but have increased my spending on some skincare products. I think a lot about where the line goes with what is reasonable self-care vs falling into a trap of trying to avoid inevitable aging and throwing money at insecurity.
After all, we spend money on clothes to look nice, I apply a little bit of makeup, I wear jewelry, I buy some hair products, etc. With more and more ways to change our appearance, we have to make even more decisions on what to spend money on. It used to be that I thought plastic surgery was a no-no, but even that is not so clear cut any longer.
In the end, I think I'm just lazy and want to be pretty minimalist about altering my appearance. On the other hand, I have heavy eye lids that I wish I could do something about. It might even affect your vision, but what if it doesn't and is just an annoyance making you look tired?
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here or that there's a line that applies to everyone.
As I said to someone else, my dad had his eyelids fixed because they interfered with his vision. I have hooded eyes to start with, so I will not be at all surprised if mine eventually droop enough to impair my vision as well, and I will definitely consider a surgery to help with that.
@Kristen, it would be definitely more clear (haha, pun intended) if something like heavy eyelids affected vision. I suppose I'm questioning my own motivation if I do it only from cosmetic reasons, although I do multiple things daily purely out of cosmetic reasons. And I'm also afraid of opening up a Pandora's box of other procedures that I would get enticed by.
Definitely no simple answers!
P.S. I have heard that people have now started to remove their fillers, so perhaps this will be another thing like breast implants that goes out of fashion or turns out to have too many downsides.
I think you have the most gorgeous gray highlights and have so many times seen your posts and thought - i hope i gray like that one day!
Awww, thank you, BG! 🙂
I know many women don’t like going gray, etc. but I started going gray at 21 and have embraced it. I’m 76 and still not completely gray. In fact one section of darker hair really bothers my hairdresser as she feels compelled to try to blend it in. I do not care though. However I admire some of the colorful and fun hair colors I have seen older women rock and think whatever makes you feel good about yourself is great as long as it is safe and you can afford it.
What does bother me a lot is the bias that makes old women’s brains, knowledge and life experience invisible (perhaps it is not limited to old women!). We recently switched health insurance and selected a male doctor. At our first appointments my husband was asked to tell about himself while I was cut off when I tried to talk about my medical history. I switched to a female doctor specializing in women’s aging and was listened to and treated with respect.
I did feel the same way you did at your age -- should I continue to dye my hair? And I did. But every 2 weeks, the white roots would show in the brown hair and I felt that I was starred at. Even tho at the time, it was OK for blond haired people to have black roots as was the style. But white roots with brown hair was looked down upon. So I let my hair grow out when I hit 51 and I have never looked back. Love my gray hair. I say "embrace the gray!" And the only worry I have now is when my hair is too yellow from heat styling.
I have a niece that hosts Botox parties! She is a nurse and does the injections for a company that their main purpose is to host parties and inject botox. I find it completely strange that people would do it this way. But you feel the way about botox the way I feel about tatoos. I feel like the younger generation has no issue with putting permanent ink on their skin, and a lot of it, and spending a ton of money on it. It seems meaningless for me and I for one would not do it; especially the complete sleeves that people do and in all black ink. And now people are wanting their tatoos removed which, apparently, is really painful and expensive. I understand tatooing is an art, and some are really beautiful and colorful, but it is not for me.
And don't get me started on facial piercings!
Your blog (and the podcast) got me thinking about when frugality and simple living became part of my life. For me, it was the oil embargo of 1973. I watched my father struggle to get gas in the car so that he could get to work. My parents were depression era, and for my dad, getting to work was paramount. Does frugality often start with trauma or fear?
Hmm, it definitely was that way for my grandma, I think!
But I don't have any trauma-related things I can think of that would have made me want to conserve bar soap as a child.
However, the study of how we hand down trauma through our genes is fascinating. Sometimes, we do not have to have experienced something directly in order to be affected by it; trauma can be literally in our genes!
I dyed my hair for many years but got really tired of the upkeep when I started growing in a white stripe at my part. I remembered my mother's beautiful white hair, so I took a chance. It took a couple of years to get all the old color out but now I have a full head of white (platinum) hair. I'm also lucky that it's still thick. So it's been great for me, but I do still miss my red hair sometimes.
My parents were frugal -- they had to be. So they passed frugal habits on to me. I remember saving for things when I was a kid, and shopping sales racks for clothing as a teen. Oddly enough, my brother has always been a spendthrift.
As a newspaper reporter, I once covered a speech from a "world's foremost expert" who talked about the pressures women face about their looks. She showed examples from the advertising media. One was a magazine ad with a headline that questioned whether the husband would rather have a wife with a larger bustline. The speaker said something to the effect that "the question *ought* to be would the wife rather have a husband who loved and accepted her just as she is?" Hear, hear!
Since my surgery a few years ago, I let my hair color go natural. (Much more frugal! Much easier!) The underneath color is an ugly dark gray but I have a lot of bright silver highlights and silver areas. I get compliments about my hair color, and used to get asked "who does your hair?" a lot. (I'd answer "Mother Nature.")Lately, I haven't been getting that question and I'm not sure if it's because everyone already knows the answer, or because they don't like my 'do as much. I sometimes want to go color it the chestnut color I used to have....but then I remember it won't have the silver highlights and it looks ugly growing out from the part, white hair pushing up through the brown.
Being of Greek nationality, I have oily skin, which was an absolute curse during adolescence. However, compared with people with dry/normal skin, it doesn't have a lot of wrinkles, so it's become a blessing of sorts. (Although I still sometimes get a pimple here and there.) The worst part of an aging face, IMO, is having puffy under-eye bags. Plexaderm isn't cheap, and it feels uncomfortably tight, but I feel better using it if I go somewhere! Otherwise, pardon the pun, but I look like a bag lady in more ways than one.
One of my earliest frugalista offers I sent off for: samples of Oneida spoons in the 1970s. Not sterling silver or silverplate but very nice nonetheless. These teaspoons were marketed to brides-to-be but they also put the advertisements in Seventeen Magazine and Glamour Magazine IIRC. At first they were maybe 35 cents, then 50 cents, then 75 cents then finally $1.25; the prices rose with inflation. (Sound familiar?) But you could specify which silverware pattern and they'd mail you a spoon. One per address, but since I moved dorms frequently, I'd get another one every year, and while in high school, I ordered one at mom's address, and both grandparents' addresses. Since flatware was a lot more than a couple of bucks, I thought I was getting a good price. I have no idea why I thought I needed those spoons. When I graduated from college and moved into my own apartment, I chose a set of knives/forks/spoons in another pattern. But when I was in my teens and early 20's, I thought I was really beating the system and being frugal/smart sending for those blasted spoons. Looking back, I have no idea why! (BTW, those spoons are still being used in my kitchen today. And they are still shiny and look brand new.)
Oh my gosh, I also got some Oneida spoon samples before I got married!!!
I also have oily skin, and when I was depressed about my acne as a teen, my mom told me I would one day appreciate the lack of wrinkles. This was small comfort to me at the time...I said, "But I want to be beautiful NOWWWW!" Haha.
I do appreciate the, uh, self-moisturizing aspects of my skin now, although I feel slightly annoyed that I am dealing with wrinkles AND zits concurrently.
Ohhh, and that advertisement: YES.
Also: if a husband wanted a wife who is curvy, he should have had the good sense not to marry someone who is not curvy. Preferences are fine but for goodness' sake, there is no reason to marry someone who is not your preference and then expect them to change.
(I may or may not have had this experience personally....)
@Fru-gal Lisa, I loaded up on those spoons too, and they still look good. I actually did use them to decide on a flatware pattern, which I am now quite bored with, 40+ years later. But I am too cheap to start over when these are just fine.
@Kristen, get used to it. I am almost in my mid-60s and yes I still get zits. If only my body was as "young" as my skin.
I saw a picture of someone in the public eye who used to look very different and quite pretty. However, she might not have seemed so to herself as it looks like she totally transformed her face through plastic surgery. I don't know if I would have recognized her without a caption. As we are the same age, I wondered if one had to undergo numerous other surgeries to maintain? I'll never know.
I myself value kindness and approachability above all else.
I hope I never feel the pressure to get Botox or fillers. A woman on a Youtube channel I like said she has mixed feelings, but gets Botox because she has a public role and people will judge her by her appearance. It's terribly sad that society is this way - men get to be 'silver foxes' but women are seemingly not allowed to age.
As a train of thought, I distinctly remember a description of a grandmother in a book as a kid as being 'an old hippie' with hair down her back and no cares, and instantly knowing that's what I wanted to be when I grew up! It's still true!
I wasn't naturally good with saving money as a kid but I did save my money for things I wanted later on. I clearly remember the agony of only being able to choose one Barbie with my birthday money!
I'm not afraid of getting older from the esthetic perspective (gray hair, wrinkles, etc). What scares me is the physical/mental decline. Getting slower, falling, having dementia, etc. I've been working with seniors/people with dementia for the past 18 years so it colors my perceptions of aging. Wrinkles? I don't care. I'll live with them proudly. (That said, even at 45 I'm still pretty "un-wrinkled" and don't have many gray hairs yet)
Growing old really is a privilege. My dad passed away at 46. I'm sure he would have gladly taken all the wrinkles and gray hairs as opposed to not be there at all anymore...
I’ve decided, long ago, not to care about other people’s perception of my appearance.
It comes from a place of self love, I believe. It’s very freeing.
I’m almost 59 now, and have refused any type of modifications. I’m about as natural as you can get ?.
Regarding hospital thank you’s, I absolutely agree. I have been on both the giving and receiving end, and love single serve items!
The one thing I treat myself to is coloring my hair 4 times a year. It makes me feel pretty and I definitely know Gray is not for me.
Going gray added to my gravitas working in healthcare. I, apparently, then presented as a seasoned hand and I could persuade patients to do what they needed to much more easily.
Funny you mention this as I watched a commercial that really gave me pause in the "mixed messages" category.
It was a woman talking about how she proudly went gray. Ok, great. Then she goes on to advertise Botox implying that because of the gray hair aging her, she just needed to something extra for the wrinkles.
Um...ok. What message is this supposed to be? Advertising that you are fearlessly aging due to the gray hair, but yet have a face without wrinkles?
I'm so confused....
Inner beauty, people, inner beauty! It is the only lasting kind of beauty.
I have a very vain friend who is terribly worried about her appearance. She had augmentation in the ‘90s, had the silicone replaced with saline, one burst so they got replaced again, one burst again so she had a FOURTH SURGERY!
No thanks, I’m fine. If my body doesn’t appeal to you, just avert your eyes.
I think that gorgeous 61-year-old model has fillers and botox going on. It would be interesting to see how her beauty would come through without those additions. Good bones, for sure, but I want to see natural beauty.
Just remembered a few lines from a Randy Travis song, something about “when your brown hair turns gray. . . Honey, I don’t care, I ain’t in love with your hair; if it all fell out, I’d love you anyway”.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, "I'm gonna love you forever, forever and ever amen. As long as old men sit and talk about the weather, as long as old women sit and talk about old men . . ."
When that song came out, my dh (who was then my fiance) was undergoing chemo and that became "our song"...we've been married 38 years and today we're both gray with thinning hair.
I’m in my 60s and don't love the aging process but as my BFF reminds me, it beats the alternative. It freaks me out some when I look at my hands and see Mom's hands instead. I continue to color my hair and I'm fortunate to have enough money that doing something for myself isn't an issue. When I retire, I may stop coloring my hair. I guess we'll find out in a few years.
Childhood frugality story: We lived in Anchorage, Alaska when I was in 4-6th grades. I was standing in line at the post office window in the back of the Mom and Pop grocery/drug store/pharmecy/post office. The lady in front of me and the postmistress were having a heated discussion about the pending and shameful price increase of postage. In only a few days, the price stamps would increase from 4 to 5 cents! Well, I exchanged weekly letters with my best friend back in Oklahoma. This was bad news. I marched home and emptied every penny out of my piggy bank, then marched right back to the P.O. window. I requested to have all the stamps I could buy for the small mound of change on the counter. That night at dinner I proudly told my parents what I had done. I was expecting to be praised for my wise purchase. Was not expecting the hoots, belly laughs or snorts. After a looong time they calmed down and explained the postage cost vs. stamp price reality. I was so sad and disappointed. My piggy bank was empty, I had a bunch of "useless" stamps, and my parents were not going to buy them from me, or buy me any 1 cent stamps. My first traumatic frugal fail.
@AZ Lynn, That reminds me of when we were on holiday somewhere when I was a kid and I had some money for sweets. For some reason I decided to put most of it in charity boxes instead and was very sad that I couldn't buy many sweets with what was left!
AZ Lynn,
But you had the right idea about buying something at a lower price before the price went up! That works with many things, and I’m sad you got the reaction you did from your parents. They should have taught you what they understood as adults, not ridiculed you. If Forever Stamps had been in existence back then, you would’ve been spot-on with how you spent your piggy bank money.
@Sophie in Denmark, That is so hard to do a good thing, and at the same time have regrets about it because of the after affects. Sweets - nothing satisfies that craving, but sweets. Yay, for young Sophie! You did a wonderful and kind thing.
@Cheryl in IL, Thank you Cheryl! Looking back, I was so disappointed in how they handled the situation, but they also may not have had the extra money themselves. I remember them saving pennies and nickles for weeks to make a quarter for me to go to a movie. Mom sewed my clothes from flour sacks her mom sent her. But I never wanted for anything necessary.
There are non-cosmetic reasons for botox use. My daughter-in-law is a Veterans Administration registered nurse who worked for several years in a military hospital botox clinic. Her patients were veterans being treated for head and neck pain due to injury. Most patients got good results in pain reduction and they all looked great!
@Elaine, I've also seen it used for excessive sweating. I'd likely opt to use it for excessive sweating but I have a problem with injecting botulism into my face!
I’m 64 and have never dyed my hair, but it wasn’t until a friend posted an article on FB about women choosing to let their hair go gray naturally that I realized I was making a political statement. I just thought I was cheap and lazy.
The one thing that I consider wistfully (will most likely never have it done) is something to get rid of my starter jowls. Oh I hate them.
I will turn 60 next year. All my life I've hated looking in the mirror. It gets harder the older I get. I've inherited a pudgy face, hooded eyes & white hair. My white hair makes people think I'm a good 5 to 10 yrs older than I actually am. But I've never seriously considered doing anything beyond trying to be basically healthy. My family & friends love me & that's all that really matters.
But, I am invisible. If I speak to people when I'm out, they seem annoyed, bored or rushed, something that did not happen when I was young & pretty. And it's hard to get service if there are younger, more beautiful people around me. I try to take people's actions at face value....maybe they're having a bad day or they're tired/busy...but it does make aging harder when you are treated differently as you age. It's a battle I fight in my mind when I'm out in public.
One good thing though, I have very few wrinkles. My mom & grandma had very smooth skin even into their 80s so I do get that!
@Jenny Young,
I was at a paint store that I frequented a few years ago. I was buying a 5- gallon bucket of paint. A beautiful, young girl came in while I was there and bought gallon of paint. The man who had mixed her order helped her out with her single gallon. He left me to struggle with that 5-gallon bucket. Good thing that I've stayed in shape. I now buy my paint elsewhere.
Chiming in late on this one (100 comments already, wow!). I recently decided to cut my hair short, after years of thinking I looked better with it long, and I'm glad I did. My hair was "half gray", in that the long ends were still blond but the top was more silvery, and it looked very strange to me in certain lights. After cutting it short I got rid of a lot of that odd contrast (still have some odd bits of silver peeking out from underneath, but I don't mind that), and I realized my frequent headaches were most likely from tying my hair back to do certain tasks; now I don't have to do that, so my headaches are gone! Huzzah. I have been informed that I look younger, so that's a plus. I've been advised to get highlights as well, but I'm not inclined that way.
My mom dyed her hair when she started to go gray; I see it as just one more thing I'd have to keep up with. I stopped wearing makeup decades ago and found my skin improved dramatically after I did so. I know myself enough to know I would not be very consistent with a meticulous skin-care regimen, so I don't research any anti-aging lotions or whatnot. I think drinking enough water, eating a healthy and diet, and exercising the right amount for one's ability goes a long way towards helping one age 'gracefully'. And smiling!
When my iron gray hair turned silver I loved it again.
You have a gift not all women have. You are getting more attractive as you age. Don't change a thing. You will be all the right things to all the right people!
I think what happened is that in my earlier 40s, I left a marriage that was not good for me, to put it mildly. Since then, I feel like I got my sparkle back!
My heart feels better and it shows on my face. 🙂
I watched this happen with someone who divorced a man who eventually went to jail for sexually abusing one of their daughters; as the years went by after the divorce, it was like she was aging in reverse. I have always imagined it was because she was so much less stressed than before.
I am 66. Found the first gray hair at TWENTY THREE. I'm now almost solidly silver haired and truly I love it (that hasn't stopped me from dying it PURPLE -- not just once but twice). As for the wrinkles there aren't that many and my attitude is that I earned every last silver hair and wrinkle. It did help being partially raised by my grandmother (she was solidly white haired by the time I was born and worked her buns off as a farmer's wife until she was 80). Aging (hopefully gracefully!!) is a gift that many either try to avoid (botox, face lifts, etc) or don't live long enough. Also, my mother was 30 years old when she had me which was somewhat unusual for the late 50s.
Interesting post.
Personally, the increasing white streaks tumbled together with my strawberry blonde hair doesn't bother me in the slightest. Ditto for the crow's feet and mouth lines. So, dying my hair, botox and all that other stuff just isn't for this 52-year-old.
I do take care of myself with diet, exercise in many forms (I hike, swim and kayak) and moisturizer so I do spend money on a gym member ship, gear for outside activities, nutritious food and Clinique moisturizer with spf 30 and that's about it.
Oh wait. I lied.
I noticed that when I started getting my streaks my hair changed and started feeling all wrong, and it was more inclined to get frizzy. After discussing with my hairdresser, she suggested I switch to a shampoo, conditioner and leave in spray specifically for grey hair. Though a bit more expensive than other hair products out there my hair feels much better. So, I do spend money on that stuff.
And that's about it.
Oh wait. I lied again.
For those of you that say your invisible after a certain age. (Wwwhhhaaatt???)
You're not.
Kick those thoughts and people who say such things right to the curb.
I say:
Go out there and do things that makes you feel enriched, interested and excited to live life.
Ignore all the judgey naysayers, those arnt your people
A happy woman doing things she loves is the most attractive (and interesting) type of woman no matter what her age.
((((HUGS)))
@April,
Thank you that was really encouraging and true !
I forgot to say that the one thing that irritates me about getting older is that the hair on my chin grows faster than any other hair I have. To add insult to injury it is noticeably darker than the hair on my head and because of the faster growth I need to shave it every other day!!
It's so rude of our chins to get busy growing hair at the time that our heads begin to retire from growing hair!
How your parents present your body to you has a lot to do with how you see it. I am not only tall but I have a large head, as in I had to have a special helmet made for my motorcycle because the normal ones did not fit. I can remember a kid in elementary school making fun of me because not only was I the tallest kid in the class but my head was already large. I came home crying and my father said, "Yes, you have a big head and a big body. That is because you have a big brain so you need the right body to carry it around in." He said that with some regularity after that. I honestly thought for years that he was right, and by the time I realized he was not, my fate was sealed with regard to being proud of my size. He didn't say to ignore what people said or that I was lovely in his eyes or something like "Pretty is as pretty does." I hear parents say things like that to their kids and I wonder if they really think their child will believe them over what a peer says. Not unless that is a way to make it into a positive. What he did was give me a solid reason to like something about myself, to reinterpret something, and over half a century later I remain thankful that he did that.
@Lindsey, you had a stellar dad. He was meant to be a father to children. I have a good dad too - he'll be 86 this month. They both raised us to be successful in life.
I like your thoughts on aging!
I no longer dye my hair, here's my hair story: https://practicalwalk.com/2024/11/25/bye-to-the-dye/
I had my first gray hair at 21. Then it became highlights. By 50, it was pretty much all white, which my family liked as they could spot me in a crowd. That is no longer true!!!
I always embraced my white hair because it turned out my grandmother, who I never knew (she died at 37), had a streak of white hair in the same place mine began. My mother, however, was always after me to dye my hair. At one point she was hospitalized with a stroke. I was on one side of her bed, the nurse on the other and we were doing our best to make her comfortable. The nurse said to me, “I just love your hair!” It took all of my social skills not to say to my mom, “see, MOM! Some people like my hair the way it is!”
My mom was my early on frugalista, though. She taught me how to look for bargains. Every other Easter, I could get a new dress; every other Easter, I could get new accessories. That worked until I had a growth spurt in 7th grade. When I earned money the summer before 8th grade, that became my clothes shopping money. I had to buy classics that would last. I was still wearing some of those skirts when I started teaching. I changed things up a bit with my children, but basically taught them the same when it came to buying clothes.
I do that soap trick, too. My very frugal mother always did, so it feels like second nature to me. I notice the lines and such on my face, tell my reflection she is beautiful, and carry on. My gray hair is very pretty to me. For people that don't like such, they can color it. It doesn't make me feel old at all. I might spend money getting moles removed - on the other hand, I might not. Depends on how they affect my skin health. But that's the extent of any "work" I can imagine myself doing. Age is a number.
I'm right there with you, Kristen. 43 and am going somewhat gray and thinning terribly. The gray doesn't bother me too bad, but the thinning of my hair is the worst. It's genetic - my mom and grandmother both have very thin hair now. I honestly think that a hair transplant would be the one thing I would spend my money on, but I just can't bring myself to do it and spend that money. If I had nice thick hair, I could deal with the gray! I work with young men in juvenile facilities and let me tell you, they are so refreshingly honest in throwing out their opinions of my aging appearance. They very much voice that I need to spend the money to get a hair transplant and get rid of the gray. They love to point out all the grays. Haha!
I agree. Aging is a privilege; not everyone gets to do it. I'll be 52 in a few weeks and am loving life! I (blissfully) left social media a few years ago and am happy to say I'm missing out on the appearance comparisons and woes. One less thing to fret about. This is how I look at this age and this point in my life. It's exactly as it's meant to be, and that's that.
I am 46. I do not dye my grey hair. I am totally eeeeeeeked out by microdosing GLP-1s even though I have newly arrived weight around my mid section I'd love to see disappear. Instagram REALLY thinks I should do this BTW.
I do get botulinum toxin ... mostly because I work at a company that makes/sells it and I get it at a hefty discount. But also because it makes me feel more confident. There is even a medspa at my office! Working in this industry has shifted my perceptions about aesthetic treatments. People do things for a variety of reasons and I'm less judgmental about it now.
Would I get those injections if I had to pay full price? I don't think so. But I can't say for certain.
Do what makes you feel good. That answer will be different from everyone.
I know two nurses who just got breast augmentation surgery. I was amazed. It just seems so unnecessary but if it makes them feel better, that's their decision. I also know a nurse (male) who started botox at age 25 for his forehead. Another mystery to me.
I have started to see more "sparkles" in my hair but I will just let them be. The cost of dying my hair is a reason for that but the main reason: the time it takes to maintain the coloring of your hair. Hours that I do not want to waste driving back and forth to the place and sitting in the chair.
The truck with the soap is something I've ALWAYS done, and my husband's hates it! He throws out bars of soap when there's about ¼ remaining - AARGH! (LOL!)
About gray hair - I'm naturally blonde, and my hair is turning white. I'm embracing it - bring it on! My hair gets dishwater-y in the winter and by March I'm going, "What's happened to my hair???" Then I break out the spray-in lightener (Sun In, anybody?) and give it one go 'round, which lasts until I'm able to get it in the real sun and my hair lightens naturally.
BUT my natural hair is also stick straight and baby fine, and by the end of the day it looks like I don't have much hair at all. The white hairs coming in, though, are heavier, still shiny, and have a nice wave - the kind of hair I've always wanted, so I'm excited for it!
Crepey skin comes with the territory. When it first showed up (in my decolletage), I was freaked out! I've since resigned myself to it, but I moisturize it like crazy, which is REALLY difficult for me.
My skin has always been oily, and so many moisturizers have mineral oil in them. I have to be super careful to check that all the ingredients are water based; otherwise I end up with an oil slick on my face by the end of the day. I'm almost 70, and my dad had oily skin until he died at 91, so...!
There are worse things that happen when you age than great hair and crepey skin - like when you go to do something automatically and you CAN'T. To me the worst thing is my body betraying me. That's why I go to the gym and ride my bike. Losing muscle mass and strength is the most dangerous thing you can allow to happen.
That's my soapbox moment for the day!
I feel the same way about my wrinkles and greys! Although I do highlight my hair, I’ve done that forever though so it’s not relevant to having greys now at 42. My biggest hurdle was my mindset. After seeing how much I aged (seemingly overnight) after recovering from a 2 month coma, I have struggled with the new wrinkles on my face. I felt like I aged 10 years rather quickly. But I often remind myself I wasn’t supposed to survive so living with wrinkles and a saggy chest is a privilege. But others not so flattering comments do make me wonder the same: am I the only one not willing to do these things?
I too was “born with” the frugal gene. I saved every bit of money I was given or earned in a savings account as a child and still do. I too struggle with spending money unless it is for someone else. Fortunately my husband balances me out a bit as he has gradually converted to being a saver over 40 years of marriage. I am not tempted by any thing, especially not by people trying to convince me I need their product or service to be happy and content. I am 63 and thankful to be healthy. My main preoccupation is keeping my hair from falling out-the color is immaterial to me.
In my twenties i told my future husband i would not dye my hair ever. And i have not. At 77 i only have a light dusty of silver and i like it
recently i embraced hair dye again. i went to the stylist my m-i-l uses. i told her to do whatever and i love what she did. i had been dying my hair since i was 16. so the gray hair fad? i was not a fan. tried it, not for me. my hair no longer has layers and the hubby is not a fan, i am sorry but that life.
i am lucky that i have genes for looking fairly young. but the bazillion scripts i take every day speak to crummy genes. i was never a sun worshiper so that is also in my favor. my family of origin gone. most of my co-workers gone. but i am grateful to still be here to enjoy my darling kids.
forgot to say that i have a neurologist who injects botox into my arm for my hand tremor and i can read my handwriting again, most of the time!!!
I am aged enough that the likelihood of my having the same beautiful SILVER hair most of my cousins and brother have. Yes I have done the ancestry dna thing and i do belong with the family. Maybe because I embrace it I do not get the silver ??? Being blessed with a bevy of grand and greatgrandparents and innumerable cousins it is a big question.
Just another complaint department--sorry
Lot of food for thought here today!
AGEING: :I am 72. I’ve had nice skin, not many wrinkles till the last couple of years when the undereye area is getting baggy/saggy.Since I went so long WITHOUT much facial wrinkles or changes,it is particularly annoying! But it is what it is.I moisturize. I use a retinol lotion nightly.That is the extent of my skin care regimen!No botox, no fillers,no surgery for me.
I am privileged to be in my 70’s..the women in my family died in their 60’s.So, I am choosing to just travel this path with gratitude and grace ..and a little lipstick!!
Yes, we DO become “invisible” at this age.. it is stunning.I get ignored in grocery stores, in retail shops, at gas stations, you name it. And I am not a frump! But, I am an elder,with white hair.So it goes. Overall,I have better things to think about…
Frugality: When we moved to Iowa with a 7 year old,for my husband to begin grad school, living on student loans,I had a STRICT STRICT budget and learned how to cook frugally with a couple of good cookbooks, and I made do with some basic jeans and shirts for a few years. I kept a menu plan, a list, and did not veer from it.Desserts were a treat(homemade) and planned around sale items.It was a fun thing,for me, back then, and my frugal habits helped us retire early!! While there,I went to a community college (yes another student loan but the whole AA/RN cost me $3000 for a 2 year program.. ) and that was frugal, as it added to our family’s income AND MY SELF ESTEEM for many years …
INVEST IN EDUCATION —if you have a viable career path from said education!!
Happy Thanksgiving..to you and all the readers here!
I'm late to this party, but I am 100% on the no botox train. I am so, so thankful that the women around me when I was growing up never complained about aging or felt the need to look younger.
My aunt passed before I was born (at 29) and a childhood friend passed last year. Whenever I notice a new wrinkle or grey hair I remind myself that they will never be this age. Aging really is a privilege.
I am thankful my growing up years weren't during the cell phone era. There's very little proof of me acting a fool. And whatever pictures might have been taken weren't scrutinized a million times on scene-they were developed from film months after the fact. I see my nieces have so much pressure to look perfect all the time and really want to be an example for them.
Aging is such a personal thing! I’ve been looking forward to getting my grays, thinking they’ll be nice highlights (I’m 51) but they aren’t rushing in, so I finally decided to just pay for highlights and I love them 🙂 I’ll be happy to see the grays take over, though.
Being less busty is an advantage in aging, I think. Bras can still be optional, or at least very comfortable, in my 50s.
However, I am currently saving up for some laser treatment of acne scars, and might inquire about something very subtle to do about my oddly wrinkly lips (esp for a non smoker). I am not much of a makeup person, and would love to just go without entirely, but the times when I’m more self conscious about those things, I do wear makeup. I crave the simplicity of a bare face that looks a little less banged up.
Kristen, I’ll add that when I see these very early pictures of you, I can’t help but think you are reverse aging! You seem so much younger now, if that makes sense
I've seen a few pictures of (actress) Julie Kavner lately and I was thrilled to see she is not Botoxed/plastic surgeried! You go, Julie!