Meet a Reader | Millicent the Poet
Today we're meeting a longtime reader who happens to be a poet! Millicent and I have exchanged emails multiple times over the years, so I was glad for the chance to get to know more about her.
Here's Millicent:
1. Tell us a little about yourself
I am a Portuguese-American writer who has four poetry books including Through a Grainy Landscape (at Amazon now) and Quarantine Highway (written during the early days of Covid), available in the fall.
Among my awards are fellowships from the National Endowment for the Arts, California Arts Council, CantoMundo, Fulbright, Foundation for Contemporary Arts NYC (Covid grant), Fundação Luso-Americana, and the Barbara Deming Foundation, “Money for Women.”
I live in the rural hippie-arts community of Topanga Canyon, CA where I curate Kale Soup for the Soul and co-curate Loose Lips literary readings. I also do instructional design work and technical writing.
I am @TopangaHippie for IG and Twitter.
2. How long have you been reading The Frugal Girl?
I have been reading The Frugal Girl since your kids were small.
I cannot remember the exact year but I had just moved from a series of apartments to my first house. It was fairly soon after I had gotten married and for the first time I had a backyard, a real kitchen (so many opportunities for frugality), and a mortgage-- so I was looking online for tips to save money by baking from scratch, using coupons, etc.
I found your site and scrolled through some of the recipes, finding one for dinner rolls which I made (daringly) for the first time to take to my mother-in-law's house for a holiday gathering and SHE fell in love with the dinner rolls. They became MY thing to bring
And your Xmas cookie recipes and decorating? Those became MY thing that I do around the holidays!
3. How did you get interested in saving money?
I grew up in a multi-generational immigrant household where my grandparents lived with us and for them, the Great Depression was engrained in their bones. We were a family surviving on one income, and my dad worked at Sears, so everything was scrimped and saved.
I have a poem about the Life Cycle of one shirt and how it was re-purposed and re-purposed until it was sold as a rag.
In my family growing up, I remember my grandmother making her own soap and rinsing plastic bags in the sink, and hanging them on the clothesline to re-use.
When something was torn up in the house, my grandfather saved the nails, hammering them straight again after they had been pulled out and then storing them in a series of old pickle jars by size.
So how did I get interested in saving money? I was BORN into it.
4. What's the "why" behind your money-saving efforts?
I am always and continue to be in shock how "the frugal way" is often BETTER than the non-frugal way in that it builds community, adds a homemade touch, and effectively creates personal engagement in ways that mindless BUYING, consumerism does not.
The "why" in frugality is out of necessity but the subtext is that frugality is USUALLY BETTER. For example, if we had had millions of dollars we would have catered an event and hired entertainment for our niece's birthday party.
But instead? We had all of her friends over and did hippie tie-dye (socks and t-shirts) in the backyard! We went to a local pool and in the community room there a friend taught a yoga class. Afterward, my husband made and we blasted the girls' favorite Spotify music really loud.
Frugality requires you to BRING yourself to the party. It requires you to be vulnerable (asking for help when you need it) and it requires you to be grateful and humble for the blessings you have instead of unattainable, meaningless objects.
The "why" in frugality is also: possibility! Frugality makes $$ things possible.
My dad was famous for bartering and being creative. Like, when I wanted to go to Disneyland? My dad knew a guy who was in the Easter parade so my dad signed me up to ride a bicycle IN THE PARADE-- and that meant the whole family got into Disneyland for free AND even better? We got to go on the rides before the park opened!!
And I got to invite a friend-- frugality is not just cutting coupons. It is a way of looking at life through the notion of magical possibility.
5. What's your best frugal win?
I think not being ashamed or embarrassed to ask questions.
My grandmother used to go to department stores and ask for a discount, She would hold up a shirt and say, "The buttons are kind of loose. Can I get a discount?" and then she would stand there and wait. AT A MAJOR DEPARTMENT store she would do this and they usually caved in. Mind you, she was not lying. The buttons were loose or perhaps one was missing, but she stood her ground,
My biggest frugal win in this regard was when we bought our house.
My husband was in the hospital at the time and I was terrified to make the negotiations but the final inspection had come in and there was a foundation issue that the inspector told me could cost $20,000 or $100,000 and that it would at least take permits and a special underground survey to diagnose.
So in the final weeks of escrow when I decided to write the seller a note-- I explained what the issue was and asked for a $20,000 reduction in price. I tried to be fearless.
I KNEW they had fallen out of escrow on two other occasions and that the couple had moved out of California to Texas and were anxious to sell the property. So I held my breath and waited, knowing I could lose the house. I took a chance.
6. What's a dumb money mistake you've made?
Ignoring my frugal spidey-sense and paying FULL retail or being peer-pressured into buying a present I could not afford to give.
I hate being wasteful. Especially when there IS an alternative.
I guess perhaps the worse mistake I have made monetarily would be when I was in an accident (rear-ended) and both drivers held the same car insurance and I had been hurt and had X-rays for my chest and neck and was in a lot of pain and the insurance agent came in and "offered" me $200 for my pain and suffering and I said YES.
I thought, "free money?" But it was not the best decision to make. It was not thoughtful or frugal. I should have asked questions and waited to see how my tests came back.
7. What's one thing you splurge on?
Travel! Food! Experiences.
I am less likely to spend money on material things, but I am always game on spending money (frugally and smartly) on airfare, a special ingredient, or live theater.
8. What's one thing you aren't remotely tempted to splurge on?
Fashion:
Clothes of the moment.
Walking into a department store or shopping online and not shopping around.
Buying fad clothing that is expensive and goes out of fashion the next day.
9. If $1000 was dropped into your lap today, what would you do with it?
I would love to be generous and say that I would donate it to charity but I guess that is not the point of this question, is it?
I guess I would buy a new laptop. Mine is over eight years old, purchased by my husband who frugally saved $10-20 a week for over a year to buy it for my birthday AND he actually made a cardboard version of the computer for me to unwrapped since the real computer took a few weeks to be special ordered and delivered.
The cardboard version was amazing, a piece of art.
10. What's the easiest/hardest part of being frugal?
Easiest?
Feeling like a have a super-power. Being able to live above our means and feeling luxurious every time I bake homemade bread! Knowing that when I see something on TV or online that YES I can recreate that recipe at home for a LOT less money.
It makes me feel powerful to be able to KNOW I can knit a hat or make a blanket. To know that I can spend nearly no money and yet give everyone on my Xmas List a batch of rich Brigadeiro candies.
Coming up with inventive ideas is easy and creative and so much more satisfying than buying something off the shelf.
Hardest?
Everything requires work, extra thought, and creativity. It would be nice sometimes (I admit) to just cave in and buy that Halloween costume instead of running around the house for a week, looking for how to put together a Black Canary outfit from WHAT WE HAVE I THE HOUSE ALREADY, without buying anything.
When I was a kid, it would have been nice to go to J.C. Penney and buy a brand new girl scout uniform instead of wearing my cousin's hand-me-downs or picking thru the "seconds" bin at the GSA headquarters.
But then again, my uniform looked COOL and I was not one of those brand-spanking newbies; I was "seasoned" and my sash had already seen campfires and hikes, so I felt more of a part of history.
11. Is there anything unique about frugal living in your area?
I live in the hippie capital of the world (matched only by Haight-Ashbury in the 1960s and Copenhagen's Freetown Christiania) The canyon where I live is a strange mix between hippies and millionaires.
We call them the peakers and the creekers.
Living ON the seasonal creek are the hippies-- those drawn to the area by the rural natural beauty, the artists, musicians, the yoga teachers, the belly dancers, the meditators).
The peakers are usually in the entertainment industry (filmmakers, screenwriters, musicians, actors) and they own McMansions high in the Santa Monica mountain range.
What is unique and frugal is that there are SO MANY artisans, potters, knitters, and bakers--everyone here seems to have a talent and a way to get by on their frugal skills and handiwork.
Topanga is also the home of The Theatricum Botanicum, an outdoor theater founded by Will Geer (after he was kicked out of Hollywood for being a communist).
In the summer, there are festivals and Shakespearian plays performed under the stars. In Topanga, there are farmers' markets and food coops.
Many people keep pigs, chickens, horses. There are groups that share produce, and every weekend there are free for alls and yard sales under the statue of a flying pig (our canyon mascot).
12. How has reading the Frugal Girl changed you?
I think there have been two or three MAJOR benefits to reading the Frugal Girl.
The first is that I started BAKING. You gave me the confidence to try my own pizza dough and English muffins and baked bread--
The second is that in the early days, you were fixated on kitchen waste and you took photos of what you bought and photos of using up produce and I went from bags of trash every week to like one or two.
I hardly waste ANY food these days- it's a mission now. I try to use up veggies and fruit in smoothies and my shopping patterns have changed also-- I subscribe to an imperfect produce box.
The third and final is that reading your blog has CHEERED ME UP and inspired me. My husband and I have gone thru some health scares and deaths in the family, and checking in with The Frugal Girl has helped me stay grounded and cheerful.
Your lists of what you are grateful for inspired me and acted like a touchstone to help me get thru the tough times.
13. Which is your favorite type of post at the Frugal Girl and why?
I like the holiday posts!
_________________
Millicent, I am especially pleased to hear that my blog has cheered you up during tough times. Yay!! And I'm delighted that my recipes have helped you learn how to bake...and now you even do yeast baking. You should be very proud of yourself. 🙂
I thought the story of your husband saving up for your laptop was so sweet, and I think it's extra lovely that he made a cardboard replica for you.
One question from me: I am dying to know how your negotiations came out with your house purchase. Did they say yes to your proposal??
Readers, the floor is yours!
(And I remembered to let Millicent know her post is going up today, so she told me she'll be by today to answer your questions. That is, once it's daytime in California!)
P.S. You can see more of Millicent's books here.
@Millicent
what a delightful interview! Wouldn't I just looooove to meet you in person. I share many of your thoughts and attitudes.
Thank you for offering a glimpse into your life and personality. I enjoyed this very much.
@Kristen
you should just relish in the lovely, positive, friendly, divers and interesting community you created. Thank you so much for this. You have a lot to be proud about.
Thanks for sharing, Millicent! I like how you said that being frugal feels like having a super-power. It really does!! And like Kristen, I also loved the story about your laptop. It sounds like a lot of thought and love went into that.
@Ruth T, Thanks for your comments Being able to cook and being frugal really DO feel like super-powers!
Please tell me you kept the cardboard laptop! That sounds like the sweetest thing.
@N, I DID keep the cardboard laptop-- It made me cry when I first saw it--
@Millicent, I'm sure I'm not alone in saying I'd REALLY LIKE to see a photo of the cardboard laptop! (Haven't read all the Comments yet.)
And what an inspiring post you gave to us all---thank you so much!!!
@Millicent, I’m so glad you answered this! I was so hoping you kept the cardboard laptop!!
Hello Millicent, I enjoyed you story. Being frugal really does help creatively, one of my favorite parts is thinking about making things I want. I often find after awhile I don’t want them anymore. If I had given into the impulse to shop it mostly would have been wasted money. I also enjoyed your husband’s creativity in making the laptop. It reminded me of making a 6 layer paper cake on a silver pedestal(thrift store purchase) for his wedding. I filled it with small things like candy & cookie cutters, and large items like cash & gift cards. Thanks for sharing your story.
Sons wedding
@cc, Love the story of the paper wedding cake! Creativity is also a super-power--
Millicent,
"I am always and continue to be in shock how “the frugal way” is often BETTER than the non-frugal way in that it builds community, adds a homemade touch, and effectively creates personal engagement in ways that mindless BUYING, consumerism does not."
That's just one of many profound statements you made. I love your wisdom and attitude.
Thank you for your interview. Reading it was a great way to start my week.
That part stuck out to me as well, and I liked the example about the birthday party. And what a cool story about Disneyland! I completely agree the frugal way is often better. You have a great attitude and way of framing things, Millicent.
@K D, I agree. I copied that statement so I will have it as a reminder. Millicent put it into words much better than I could have.
@K D, Thanks for reading my story-- I have been such a fan of Frugal Girl for so long that it is nice to meet her other fans!!!
@Emily, Thanks Emily! Frugal is better-- Even if I had a million dollars, I think I would have made many of the same frugal choices. . . Being frugal often means bringing YOURSELF to the party, adding a personal flair.
Millicent, thank you for sharing. You lead and interesting, inspiring, and frugal life. I love your outlook on frugality. It helps us to live creatively doesn’t? BTW Topanga Canyon is beautiful.
@Bee, Thanks for your comment I love Topanga also!! Such a little rural haven in the midst of Southern California.
Millicent, I loved hearing about your family and where you live and your experiences! Thanks so much for sharing. I can hear the storyteller in you 🙂
@Brooke, Thank you so much for reading my story! Great to meet other Frugal Girl fans--
Lovely interview! Great to meet you, Millicent!
@Rose, Hi Rose Nice to meet you too!
Hi Millicent! I loved your description of your community. Do the two groups interact at all? It seems as if it would be very beneficial for the creekers to have an economic group like the peakers to buy the things they make.
@kristin @ going country, The two groups DO meet-- there are events like we have a Topanga Days fair every year in June-- and there is a community house and an amazing public library. In the summer we have an Art Walk-- But there IS definitely a difference between the "old timers" who have lived here forever and the newcomers who buy mansions and commute-- There is a saying around town, "Don't change Topanga; Let Topanga change you" and I think that is true-- most people arrive here, thinking they'll just LIVE here and then they end up falling in love with the hiking trails and the natural wildlife and the canyon changes them!
Totally enjoyed reading about you! Love your PoV! Your creativity and baking are impressive but where oh where are the eyes on your cookies? 🙂
Haha, I was looking for them as well!
@Bobi, Ha ha NO google-y eyes on the cookies!!! But I did make long horn cookies-- from a cookie cutter I got in Lubbock. Now THOSE definitely deserve eyes. Have to think about that for next time--
@Kristen, me too
Hi, Millicent, I loved your story. I agree with so much of your philosophy. Frugality is in your genes.
I am in total admiration of the longhorn cookies. How you managed to get the horns to keep their shape perfectly and keep them from breaking off, I don't know!
Same here: those Longhorn cookies caught my eye. After I figured out what they are, I was impressed that they held up, and wondered how you handled them!
@JD, There were a few accidents-- But that meant that we eat the accidents right? I had gotten a long horn cookie cutter in Lubbock and it is so fun to use it so I am happy to deal with the occasional breakage. That's part of the fun.
I love that party you threw for your niece!
I'm noticing, when I read here, that my "problem" isn't buying products (I agree with all the readers that aren't remotely tempted to splurge on fashion) but services/convenience. I am probably overspending most on eating out but it's also hard not to in a busy season of life.
@Maggie, It IS hard not to spend on food delivery and conveniences. I feel the PULL of that type of spending also. What helps me, believe it or not are left-overs! When I know I have a vat of chili or homemade pizza in the fridge I am less likely to order D***R Dash or Insta-C (did not want to use the actual name). Having a stash of yummy food left over usually quenches my need to pay $100 for a fast foof delivery and let's face it it is ALWAYS $14 food and $100 delivery fee, gas, extra costs, taxes)!
@Millicent, It's so true. I buy a takeout/delivery every week for my mom in the nursing home, and after, say $20 of upcharged food (sigh), it usually winds up to be about $46 or so with tax, surcharges, delivery and tip. SIGH. At least my mom gets a decent meal a couple times a week (one meal lasts her two meals, usually).
@Millicent, good tip about the leftovers! I will try to make sure we have more of those!
Hi Millicent,
Your post is quite inspiring too! Topanga Canyon can be a challenging place to live. Heat, rattlesnakes and especially fires. Take care and best wishes.
@patricia, Oh I have definitely seen my fair share of rattle snakes and bob cats IN MY YARD. And we were evacuated for a fire a few years ago-- So there are challenges living here but it IS so beautiful and such an amazing place to live that the benefits far out-weigh the challenges. Everywhere you live has some challenges, right? Why not live in a riparian paradise?
TOPANGA CANYON!!! Home to some of my favorite musicians and artists from the sixties and seventies. You're rich in atmosphere and community and california living, and then frugal besides! Thank you for sharing your story.
@Jean, Thank YOU for reading my story-- nice to meet another fan of Topanga!
Thanks for sharing - I love your perspective on spending and how being frugal brings you so much satisfaction. It does! But sometimes I just cave in to spending for convenience or peer pressure. Nice to hear your outlook as a reminder that it's all about perspective.
@CrunchyCake, Thanks for your comment Believe me I CAVE in also. I think it is about balance and being willing to be creative and to at least TRY a frugal approach before caving in. Baby steps!
Wonderful post!! Much love…
As a transplanted Angelino (moved to the Bay Area; couldn't actually leave CA), I am thrilled to hear Topanga Canyon is still full of crunchy layers! I was afraid it might have become gentrified the way so many other places have since I moved twenty years ago. Sir Google tells me The Inn of the Seventh Ray is still in business. Wow!
@Dicey, The Seventh Ray IS STILL IN BUSINESS!! We lost Pat's (diner) awhile back (when Pat passed away) . . .which was a landmark. And Abuelita's is now a real estate office BUT we gained a county library AND a bistro that has live jazz on the patio in the summer--
It's so interesting to hear about your intergenerational frugal experiences. Thanks for sharing!
@Kris, Thanks for reading!! Nice to meet another Frugal Girl fan--
This was a great interview! But I’ve got to say….I really need to see a picture of the Black Canary costume! Lol!
@Jackie, and the cardboard laptop.
@Jackie, HA ha Now there is an idea! But I do have the basic elements to put it all together should I need an emergency costume.
Thank you, Millicent! I love the area where you live. Topanga Canyon is such a cool place. We check out the area every time we are in LA. I agree, Kristen's blog and cheerful attitude have definitely carried me through some hard times as well.
@Beth B., The blog really HAS been a touch stone during the difficult times-- It kept and keeps me grounded And it is a a nice way to check back in and keep in touch with other FG fans as well
Super interesting interview, thanks, Millicent, for sharing. Is that artichoke-y looking object a candle? That raised bed structure is very cool, as are your many activities. And hurrah for authors! I have several as well, not poetry, fine art-related.
@Erika JS, That artichoke-y object IS an artichoke! The raised bed "monkey hut" has been a godsend and allows us to actually KEEP our veggies-- the past few year it has been a challenge battling the backyard critters for the produce we grow-- so having the raised beds helps even the score a little-- Hurrah for authors! Nice to meet a fellow writer--
@Millicent, I thought that artichoke looked SO delicious, actually.
I love this comment you made: "Frugality requires you to BRING yourself to the party. It requires you to be vulnerable (asking for help when you need it) and it requires you to be grateful and humble for the blessings you have instead of unattainable, meaningless objects." Nice to meet you.
@Lindsey, Nice to meet YOU too-- and thanks for taking the time to write a comment.
I enjoyed your entire interview! Thank you for sharing your life with us! But that Monkey Hut?.....GENIUS! Sheer genius! Is there a copyright on that? Because I really want to build one of my own in the (hopefully) near future.
@sfeather, No no copyright! Just pieced together from old chicken wire and pet cages and carriers. . . Up close you can see the motley crew of rag-tag components that went into the monkey hut! Hope you give it a try? It's a really nice space to grow veggies.. .
A store you may want to check out for your books is Curated Chronicles in Upland. 260 N. 2nd Ave Ste B.
She carries a wide and eclectic variety of literature and art.
So many great things in your interview!
@Allison Walters, Thanks!! Love the name Curated Chronicles--
Hi Millicent,
I am your neighbor in Sherman Oaks! My son was a middle school and high school runner. We spent many weekends at Topanga State Park with his running teams. I would hang out and hike while the kids ran. Topanga Canyon is a beautiful area for your home.
@Susan, Hello neighbor!! Thanks for reading my story,. I am so happy that you venture out into the wild and wooly canyon-- it is a beautiful area that feels like another world, surrounded by cities.. . I get to Sherman Oaks also. We used to have a friend who lived there (with a pool) which made a great excuse to visit in the hot summer--
Millicent, I truly admire your mom's sass in bargaining for a discount on clothes. I managed to do that once on a lovely dress for a fancy corporate Christmas party because the dress was missing a front button. Got a huge discount (the store couldn't sell it like that to anyone but someone like me) and put new buttons on it. There's a photo of me wearing it at the party on my dresser and I remember not a moment of the party, but always remember the button and the discount.
@Ruby, Good for you for negotiating on a dress!!! AND for putting new buttons on the dress, making it your own!! Frugality OFTEN means customization. So not only did you get a discount on a great dress BUT you ended up with a one of a kind version of that dress that no one else but YOU had. You made it your own and I'll be the new buttons were BETTER and gave the dress more sass!
Millicent, I loved your share! I live in CA but never knew that Topanga Canyon had such an interesting mix of people. I also feel more grounded and cheerful when reading Kristen's posts. I can tend to be a bit of an emotional downer, so it's a fun challenge for me to look for the small (or large!) positives in life. Thanks for sharing about yourself. 🙂
@christie, Thank you for writing and to Kristen for posting her upbeat stories and recipes. Topanga is a motley crew of hippies and film folks and old timers-- we love it here. I cannot tell you how many days the Frugal Girl posts brought me out of a doldrum-- it is nice to touch base with other readers here!
Millicent, I'm late to the party here (for reasons I'll explain in tomorrow's Five Frugal Things), but I did want to say how much I enjoyed the post. Topanga Canyon is a continent and a world away from my part of Upstate NY, but you've provided a wonderful window into your area.
@A. Marie, A thank you I live that phrase, "a wonderful window" Upstate NY is absolutely gorgeous too-- especially in the fall !!
So nice to meet you, Millicent. I love hearing how other people do frugal, it gives me lots of ideas. lol I have to admit that since reading this blog I've also become a waste-not-food-nazi. 😉
Like Kristen, I'm dying to know how your $20,000 home negotiation ended. Please tell me they went for it.
@Susanne, They DID!!!
@Millicent, YAY FOR YOU!!!!! I was dying to know the outcome of your negotiation bravery, as well! Well done!!!
(Tried to add Applause hands, but couldn't find 'em.)
@Kimberly, ha ha thanks!
Millicent, thanks so much for your wonderful post and the picture you painted in words of your life in Topanga Canyon. I love-love-love the "why" behind your efforts. And this blog cheers me up, too!
@MB in MN, Thanks very much! So great to connect with other fans (readers) of the Frugal Girl.
I really enjoyed your column Millicent! Thank you for sharing.
@Nancy Sadewater, Thanks for taking the time to comment! Frugal Girl is an inspiration to all of us-- Glad you liked my story.
Love your monkey hut--including the name. We live in the boonies so critters are a thing here. I fence what I can and plant extra if I can't.
@Maria Zannini, Thanks for reading my story! My husband came up with the name "monkey hut" since we used animal cage bars to build it. We had cast off some pet carriers and a large puppy trainer cage under the deck, so, when we built the enclosed raised bed, we decided to use what we had around the house to secure the fortress! After a previous year of squirrel, raccoon, birds, rabbits and the occasional deer completely decimated EVERYTHING we planted.
what a great post. do you still have the cardboard puter? thank you so much for posting.
I love how you have put so many of my deepest feelings of frugality into words, in ways I could not have done myself. I have never voiced it, just my own upbringing informed my views. Like, in one of the comments, at least try frugality before you cave and make the purchase. So helpful when I am trying to impart some wisdom to my children! Thank you for sharing! You are quite the wordsmith. I loved the entire interview.
@A T, Oh thank you! You just made my day!!! Frugality was kind of a necessary "first step" when I was growing up. We would try EVERY avenue before caving in. I remember going to 6th grade camp (everyone went), and I SO wanted a particular kind of Levi jeans (button fly), but my mom thought they were too expensive, so, my grandmother made me (weird) denim pants. . .but they were not the same, and we tried Goodwill and Army Surplus store but the sizes were too large for me--and finally my mom caved. We got Wranglers at Sears (an off brand that was cheaper at the time, especially with my dad's discount). But you know? We had an adventure along the way! Being frugal so often means being creative and having adventures-- Kristen has SO MANY adventures especially re-purposing clothing.
This is a wonderful post. I really get a sense of joy that you feel in meeting the challenge of being frugal. That's inspiring, so thank you!