Meet a Reader | Lawyer K from Chicago
When K emailed me to volunteer for a Meet a Reader feature, she expressed some hesitation because she and her husband both have high-paying jobs and are quite financially secure.
But I think variety is wonderful; we have readers from all kinds of economic situations here, and I love to see it. Also, it is quite possible to be a high-earner and live paycheck to paycheck, so I think it's lovely to see that K and her family are taking advantage of the opportunity to use a high income wisely instead.
Here's K:
1. Tell us a little about yourself
Hi FG community, I'm a late thirties mom of two toddlers + a ten-year-old doxie mix who lives in suburban Chicago.
We moved here shortly before the pandemic after many years in New York City, so it's been a change, but mostly good!
I'm a lawyer in private practice--I recently left a big law firm, where I was a partner, to lead the legal department of a small company. My husband is in finance.
We both work a little too much but we have great childcare (a very dependable nanny) and we make sure we have 'blackout periods' of time each evening where we're playing with our kids and not on our phones.
I also have a good chunk of time with them in the morning before I start my day.
It's a tough balance but I love my work. I used to travel globally, extensively, for work, so I'm glad that happened before we had kids!
2. How long have you been reading The Frugal Girl?
For a very long time! I first stumbled upon it after google searching for something else, and I loved Kristen's tone, positivity, and the length of posts! I still remember stuffed animals in the grocery haul.
3. How did you get interested in saving money?
I was raised comfortably, with a sales executive father and a homemaker mother, but my parents always lived well below their means, and imparted the importance of that to my brother, sister, and me.
We were never in debt growing up, and I distinctly remember little things like not buying drinks at drive-thru restaurants during road trips because we would drink water, and never having a housekeeper or a lawn service because we were expected to do those chores.
My father loves to say that 'inherited wealth ruins people' (meaning ambition), and he is very charitable, with a big heart and good social conscience--my parents prioritized tithing and we have a family foundation that does a lot of good work to this day.
4. What's the "why" behind your money-saving efforts?
My husband and I have had a lot of professional success, but I'm hyper conscious of lifestyle creep and golden handcuffs--in part because I've seen some of my husband's network and/or colleagues overspend and find themselves in trouble (e.g. they don't get the bonus that they expected and then they can't pay their childrens' school bills - well, don't spend your bonus when it hasn't been paid!)
I also think it's incredibly important to give back and share some of our financial success with our broader community and worthwhile causes.
We've established our own family foundation, where we're socking away significant money each year so we can make a strategic, impactful donation to a worthy organization at the right time.
5. What's your best frugal win?
I'm not sure if this counts, but getting rid of debt and then socking away money early on. My parents paid for my private college, but told me I was on my own for law school. I had a solid scholarship to a great private law school but still had to take out loans to cover part of it, so I graduated with debt.
I was lucky enough to get a highly paid job at a firm right out of law school and prioritized payment of my debt -- I lived cheaply and paid off $60K in student loans in a few years.
Another frugal win - brainwashing my husband to relative frugality! When I met him, he was spending everything he was making--and he was making a LOT. I don't blame him--his parents never taught him fiscal responsibility and he was heavily influenced by friends and colleagues who also worked in finance in Manhattan.
I was horrified to find that he wasn't buying anything on sale, ha. I brought him back down to earth, and he has been very grateful in the longer run, since we now have a significant net worth because the savings we earned in our 20s and early 30s has grown a lot.
6. What's a dumb money mistake you've made?
When we first moved to Chicago, we bought a home, because we figured that it was a 'buyers market' and we had made a lot from the sale of our New York apartment. Terrible decision!
We ended up selling it two years later at a loss because we didn't like the neighborhood and we wanted more green space with two toddlers after the pandemic. We should have rented first.
7. What's one thing you splurge on?
Eeek. More than one - tipping, travel, my children, and outsourcing absolutely everything.
Like my dad, I am 'selectively cheap' or 'selectively frugal.' I will wash out ziplock bags to reuse them, but I also won't think twice about giving a good waitress a 50% tip, paying for a really lovely hotel, paying $$ for an enriching activity for my children, or for a housekeeper/handyman/remote householde manager/meals.
It's just time. We are so busy so if 1) I don't enjoy the activity; 2) it doesn't relate to work; or 3) it doesn't facilitate quality time with my family, I try and outsource it.
8. What's one thing you aren't remotely tempted to splurge on?
Fashion and 'cosmetic enhancements'. For example, some of my friends are very into handbags and botox.
I'm happy with simplicity and versatility - my wardrobe is heavily black and white - and I'm just not into the maintenance that's involved with anti-aging. I want to age gracefully. I also know too many people who have had too much filler in their faces - no.
9. If $1000 was dropped into your lap today, what would you do with it?
Give it away.
Either put it in our family foundation or find a one-off donation. I like supporting friends or worthy causes, even if I don't know the person (e.g. a friend of a friend's gofundme) in addition to strategic charitable giving. I know how incredibly fortunate I am and I also absolutely realize that wealth begets wealth. It's much, much, much easier to make money if you have money.
It's much easier to get a high-paying job if you went to a fancy private school. It's much easier to succeed when you have supportive parents or family who can help you on your way or step in if there's trouble.
I'm not saying it's right--it's not--it's just the truth and I work every day to recognize my good fortune and not take it for granted.
I love Kristen's commentary about this--meaning Thankful Thursday or how to be content. No matter how much you have, there will always be someone with more, and no matter how perfect or easy a life looks like on the outside, there's no guarantee that financial stability means happiness.
Maybe the opposite is true--I know a lot of very rich, very unhappy people who are not easily satisfied.
10. What's the easiest/hardest part of being frugal?
Easiest - I think it's in my DNA! I love saving money. Hardest - avoiding lifestyle creep! When you're in a bubble, you lose touch with what's normal.
11. Is there anything unique about frugal living in your area?
Our suburb is very, very wealthy. I was slightly horrified to go into a local boutique shortly after we moved here to see teenage girls shopping with their mothers, as the average sundress was about $400.
I went home and nearly cried - I was so worried that it would be impossible to raise down-to-earth, frugal, generous children in this environment. But ultimately I'm hoping parenting will outweigh the influence of friends.
We also haven't been to church since March 2020, but we're going to start going again soon, so I'm looking forward to instilling those values in my kids.
12. How has reading the Frugal Girl changed you?
TFG keeps ME down to earth! I think this community is so supportive, and I need constant reminders that my network is not 'normal.'
13. Which is your favorite type of post at the Frugal Girl and why?
I love Kristen's recipes. I do enjoy cooking and baking (especially cakes - I made my brother and my cousin's wedding cakes) when I have time, and Kristen's recipes are foolproof. Her enchiladas are in my rotation...
14. Did you ever receive any financial education in school or from your parents?
Yes. My dad would sit me down and make me go through financial information with him, like income statements or budgets. He also set up an IRA for me when I was young and basically insisted that I max out my 401K when I started working (thank you, dad, that really made a difference after more than a decade with my firm!)
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K, I love, love, love that window in your first Chicago home. So beautiful.
I am with you on the anti-aging train too; I have not dyed my gray hairs so far, mainly because I do not want to deal with the upkeep!
On a related note, you might remember that I had my functional nose surgery done at a plastic surgeon's office, and I still get emails from them, inviting me to cocktail events where you can take a tour of all the enhancement available. And this makes me chuckle, because I am SO not the target audience.
K, I love the pictures of your street with and without snow - so beautiful!!
What a blessing to have your parents teach you about financial responsibility! I know parents who have bailed their children out of debt - with very good intentions, and out of love - but those children didn't learn to face the consequences of their financial decisions and continued to accrue debt over their adult lives. Ack!
I'm with you and Kristen on aging gracefully. I am happy with my gray hairs and couldn't see myself constantly trying to cover them up. 🙂
Enjoyed reading this post and identified with a lot of it! Thanks for contributing to this series.
I admire your efforts not to succumb to lifestyle creep. We were in our prime earning years during the Great Recession. We watched people around us suffer greatly. However, those that were not in significant debt and watched their spending still managed to live well.
I’m curious about the Chicago housing market. I was surprised that you suffered a loss on a property.
@Bee, the Chicago suburban market is crazy! But our first home (a 4-bedroom) was definitely in the city, and as crime as increased and there's been a mass exodus of families to the suburbs, that urban market is sluggish. We didn't lose a lot--the sale price was higher than the purchase price--but when you factored in other costs e.g. closing, broker--it stung.
I can SO relate to this reader! My husband and I are also financially well set and I also have a drawer of washed out ziploc bags. Our mantra is 'what's the use in having money if you can't enhance the lives of the people you love.' We are always looking for someone to bless.
K, our sons are grown and I want to assure you that you will be able to raise them in a wealthy community while also imparting your frugal, generous values. We told our sons that you never know what is going on behind the front door of a house. We also never told them that we couldn't afford something they wanted. We would say that purchase doesn't fit in with our family's values. They got that.
@Jeana O, I LOVE your comment - "We never told them that we couldn’t afford something they wanted. We would say that purchase doesn’t fit in with our family’s values."
Simple, but brilliant. I wish I had thought of that previously with my own children and will be using it going forward. Such a better way to instill in children that it's not necessarily whether you can afford somehting, it's more about whether it's a necessary or wise purchase. Thank you!
@Lori,
Kids know when you're lying! We could afford any of the junk they thought they needed. We just weren't going to buy it. They're all pretty frugal adults and don't buy stuff they can't afford.
@Jeana O, great answer to the kids--"that purchase doesn't fit in with our family's values." We tried to let our kids know we "choose not to buy this" instead of "we can't afford this." I think it helped them as they grew.
@Jeana O, We always tell our kids that the big fancy houses they see are often not really "owned" by the people living there...the bank owns them, and they're paying "rent" (mortgage payments) for the privilege of living there. One of our kids said, "So they're renters, just like us!" There is such a stigma about renting a house rather than owning; since we both grew up with that, we thought we had to buy homes when we got married and got stuck in the mortgage trap.
@Jeana O,
You are wise parents. Good for you. I love "it doesn't fit our values" response.
@Karen,
Yes. Our kids grew up in a very wealthy town. It was shocking how many families were living paycheck-to-paycheck. We lived in a smaller house and paid off our mortgage in 4 years. We didn't have a housekeeper or lawn service. I'm sure we looked 'poor' to many of the people in town.
@Lori and @Jeana O, I love that comment too!! Wish I would have phrased my typical response "we can't afford that" or "we/you don't need that" with the better response of "that doesn't fit in with our family's values" when my girls (19 and soon to be 24) were growing up!! Maybe I can still try if they ask for financial advice on things from this point on!
K - thank you for sharing and Kristen - thank you for including! I love that this space welcomes a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds, celebrating frugality however it looks for each individual. I appreciate your note about tipping, K - we don't eat out a lot, but when we do, I always budget a generous amount for tip: I figure if I can afford to eat out, I can afford to support the hard-working wait staff.
Hi, K! I was struck by the phrase "golden handcuffs." I've never heard that term before, but it EXACTLY describes what my dad and brother, both airline pilots for a major carrier, have described happening to their fellow pilots. Pilots are almost like extremely well-paid hourly employees (except they get paid by the "trip," which is consecutive days they fly each time, usually 3 or 4 days), and they can pick up extra trips to make more throughout the year. They have very high earning potential, and a lot of them get into lifestyles with multiple homes, ex-wives and families to support, etc. where they have to fly all the time just to meet their expenses. Some of them even get to retirement age at 65 and find they can't afford to actually retire and they have to go fly overseas in countries that don't have a retirement age. That always sounded horrifying to me, and it is definitely the golden handcuffs you speak of. So thanks for the phrase!
I like this post and it resonates with me. I lived in the Chicago suburbs (Evanston) for years and the street picture looks familiar 🙂 The message here is a good one- use money wisely and spend on things you care about and that will enhance your life, while maintaining financial security.
K, thank you so much for sharing your frugality with us. And Kristen I must say thank you to you as well for allowing all of us to share how frugality looks different. Though my life is completely opposite of K's, I still love to read about how others who have different earnings still have similar feelings about frugality and using their money wisely. My husband was also a brand snob when we got married. Oh, how quickly that changed. He is now the clearance rack shopping guru and is the main grocery shopper in the house because of the deals he finds.
It is also lovely to hear about someone who blesses friends and families!!
I really enjoyed reading this post and related to it because my husband and I also have well paying jobs. I loved your "selectively frugal" statement. I feel like that describes us very well. I am more than willing to pay for services for things that I don't know how to do or don't have time to do. For us, time is worth more than the money at this stage in our life.
"The Golden Handcuffs" is a great name for something that's a big theme in my financial thoughts. I'm headed for a high income career (still in training) and I see how easy it is to spend money in my imagination!
Even now, there are opportunities to make more money. It's so easy to go, "Oh, if I take X number of extra shifts, it pays for daycare or a vacation or...or...or" Sure, it does, but that would mean doing extra shifts next year too, because otherwise it'll feel like we're losing income. Instead, if I take extra shifts, the money goes to ONLY to paying my student loans or to our savings, and is in addition to (not instead of) what we do normally. Less fun, but more responsible 🙂
K, what a delightful interview! And your cake-making skills are impressive!
Frugality means using your resources wisely--regardless of income. I find it interesting to read about people who don't have to be frugal but choose to be, and to read their reasoning behind it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You are very grounded.
In regards to raising your children to be kind and generous with their money, I would suggest finding a way to regularly expose them to situations in which they see and work with those in need. There is something about regular interaction with others in difficult circumstances that keeps that concept front and center in our brains. If you are always around people who drop $400 on a sundress, then that becomes your "normal". If, however, you volunteer time at a women and children's shelter, you realize how much of a struggle it can be to survive. We happen to live in a blue-collar area (my husband and I are both professionals) and *could* afford to upgrade, but have chosen not to for a variety of reasons, one of which is that our kids are regularly around others who have less education and are less financially secure than we are (we are by no means rich). I have one in high school and one in college and they are at the age where they notice differences in income and how people use their money and I've been pleased to see that both have empathy for those with less material wealth. That's the end of my long-winded spiel--hope it's helpful!
@Kris, thank you! I agree with your advice, and I will need to think of good ways to do that as they get older. You are so right--what people are exposed to regularly becomes their 'normal' and without socioeconomic diversity around here that abnormal-for-most-the-world is their normal.
@Kris, Great advice!
@Kris, that’s such good advice. Thank you!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this interview. I'm still wrapping my mind around all the details of why, but in a nutshell: that there are people with wealth who live humbly and with gratitude.
Thank you for sharing. I mean it. Your kids will be incredible humans with this kind of parenting focus.
@Denise, thank you!!! I am very grateful for this community. Your response nearly brought tears to my eyes.
@K, you're welcome. I was deeply moved by your post, which nearly brought ME to tears.
Sending you a virtual hug.
Hello I have a very different lifestyle but as others have said I like to hear about all types. Which is one of the reasons I like it here. I always knew there would be people who had more and others who had less. I feel there is nothing wrong with taking advantage of whatever opportunity comes your way. No matter your circumstance.
I love this post! The variety of readers we have here is so awesome. It's fun to see everyone's different takes on frugality and lifestyles.
Lifestyle Creep...what a great term! We see the same with some of our friends who are constantly trying to keep up with others in their circle...I love the reminders here to NOT fall into that trap!
Thanks for sharing, K!
I loved reading this one, too.
K -- that window is beautiful, as is the cake you made. One of my closest friends has also done incredibly well financially. She comes from a blue-collar background, went to college, worked in PR, and ultimately started her own firm which has been extremely successful. She is one of the most humble and generous people I know. While so many in the area where we live have succumbed to lifestyle creep, she still buys groceries at Walmart rather than the more spendy grocery stores around us. They drive Toyotas and Hondas rather than the more expensive brands that others in their income bracket drive. Their daughter drives an early 2000s Hyundai that belonged to her grandmother that she paid for with her own money. They give strategically and also use their wealth and skills to help friends and family. They are frugal with their day-to-day spending but, like K, don't blink at tipping well.
I love the reader stories with people whose income is more like mine, but stories like this one are also incredibly inspiring. Thank you, K, for sharing, and thank you, Kristen, for highlighting so much variety.
K, I enjoyed your post. I love that you live generously and don't just spend everything on yourselves! Nice photos! I grew up in downstate IL, but it was always fun to go into Chicago!
I’m so glad you wrote in as a high income-earner, K! This was interesting and a pleasure to read.
Incredibly interesting interview, thank you K and Kristen. And that cake is amazing!
Two things stood out to me among the answers. Although we are not at all wealthy, looking at the world we reasoned that degrees from top tier private colleges lead to the best jobs, assuming our sons put in the effort. They did and they had top level job offers and are themselves heading toward being well off. And frugal, too, because we had to be frugal to give them opportunities, and they saw that growing up.
The second point that resonated and is very frugal is that my working wardrobe was also heavily black/grey and white. Having what amounts to a “uniform” saves money. I can’t take credit for this one, it’s due to a career in museums where this is the norm.
Enjoyed today’s post, thanks for sharing K.
Nice to meet you K. I enjoyed reading your post.
Regarding bringing up children in an affluent area let me reassure you it does have a lot to do with the parents. My sister moved into a very affluent area and the rest of the family thought oh no this will ruin the children.
Well she stayed very grounded worked with her children on simplicity and living below your means. In fact she took advantage of living in the area. They did babysitting, yard work, pet sitting and watched people's houses when they were gone. They received lots of jobs because apparently they were the only children in the neighborhood willing to do this.
Then my sister started making them use their money to purchase things.
Also she and her daughter did very well purchasing at the local thrift shop which was stocked with high end products.
Two are out of college with great jobs and the third is still in college.
I would wonder if the conversations children have with their classmates are also teachable moments, if your children are comfortable talking with you. For instance, no one at my high school had the equivalent of a $400 sundress that I know of. I would want my child to honestly tell the wearer it is pretty, (it quite well better be!), and internally not be jealous or judgmental.
Actually, I would mostly want my child to not even notice the cost, and to be pleased with what she herself had chosen to buy.
I identify with so much of this! With the exception of good lessons from one's parents--mine did not give very good financial advice, and my mom loved to shop for entertainment. Luckily I rebelled and I don't like to clothes shop (books are another matter, sigh). We also made the mistake of buying a house instead of renting, and that cost us so much when the neighborhood went bad and we literally could not sell it for years. Ugh. Now we are happily renting, with the freedom that gives us.
The lifestyle creep is real. So many of my husband's colleagues have fallen to this, buying bigger houses than they need, playing the stock market with their children's college funds (and losing all of it) just to get more money.
Really enjoyed reading your story, it’s such a good reminder of “the bubble” and the danger of comparison. I’m glad that you are practicing your values and setting an example for your kids - and husband! 🙂 (I can relate) and I love that wedding cake, truly gorgeous.
Very nice to meet you! I found this very interesting. It does feel wonderful to tip generously! I try whenever I can ( on a teachers salary!).
I too am going to dip my toe back into the church scene soon. It just feels so “ people ey” since the pandemic.
I love how in your case, paying a maid, gardener, and nanny is actually more frugal because it allows you to spend your time where you get the most ROI like at work and with your kids and family! I think a lot of women feel guilty about paying help, but if you are a high earner with a high stress job outsourcing those tasks actually is the frugal, simpler option. It just goes to show everyone’s life can look different and that is okay.
I really enjoyed this post. I related to a lot of it and I feel validated by reading it. I have found that sometimes people think that having a high income means that it's not necessary nor important to still be frugal.
I was so happy to read that tipping is one of the things you splurge on. It seems like that's one of the things that a lot of self-proclaimed frugal people cross the line into being a cheapskate/jerk with, and it's a huge pet peeve of mine. I'm of the "if you can't afford to (or won't) tip decently, then stay home" school of thought. And in case you've ever wondered if it makes a difference, my sister waitressed while she was going to school (close to 20 year ago now) and there was a family that was really sweet and left a nice tip. They came back about 30 minutes after they'd left and handed her an envelope with a very sweet note and $100.00 in it. The cash was a huge help at the time, and she still has the note. And she's a very generous tipper now that she has a good paying job.
K, first of all that cake is stunning. I don't know how you have time to work on baking skills. Secondly, I really related to your post. Even though our incomes were extremely moderate, we still lived like you folks financially. That is, below our means, emphasis on experiences and always, always money to charities.
For 20 years we traveled like the bad guys were chasing us, although we're now in our 70s, husband almost 80, and much of that is probably over. I sometimes feel a bit guilty reading these posts because we haven't really struggled for a long time and still put away savings each month. We live in a two bedroom retirement house that we paid cash for.
We don't have an actual family foundation, but we support three charities on a monthly basis, two animal charities and a girl in India through World Vision. We happily and lovingly buy great experiences for our grandchildren.
Hmm, Kristen, I think I just did my own reader profile. 🙂
I mean, if you ever want to officially participate, just say the word and I'll email you the questions! 🙂
It's so nice to hear from you K.
I think the whole FG community is enjoying your perspective on frugality.
I'm a cake decorator too and I'm so impressed with the cake you made for your cousin.
I also have no desire to spend money on makeup or fashion. I'm much rather splurge on travel! I love going on vacation and knowing I've saved and budgeted enough that we can truly enjoy our time and not worry about bills when we come home.
Gorgeous cake! I can relate somewhat to your post. We definitely live a comfortable life in a neighborhood I never thought we'd be living. I share your concern about raising kids with the "right" values. We weren't rich growing up and I know if something happened, I have a whole bunch of tools I can turn to so that we can make it work. I want to make sure my kids have that same ability. So far, they seem to have good heads on their shoulders but the teenage years are on the horizon and the friends they make feels so critical.
I fight myself on a lot of our habits, always questioning whether or not I should spend out and then overthinking once it's been spent. What always calms me back down is making sure our spending matches our values and priorities and if they align, we're good. If not, I need to revisit what matters most.
K, it is great to meet you, and I love how you brought up lifestyle creep and golden handcuffs. I had not heard the latter term in a long time, but it's a good reminder in vivid terms about living below one's means.
I also tip very generously, so much so that my husband's eyebrows go up, but I worked in a restaurant saving money to go to college and remember how much my feet hurt on a ten-hour shift.
Your children will do fine with you guiding them. And they may surprise you: When my son was little, he used to insist on no visible brand names on his clothes and shoes because he wasn't letting a company use him as a walking billboard. He was right and it always made me smile!
I'm late to the party as usual, K, but I enjoyed reading this post--both for your excellently balanced perspective and for the views of Chicagoland. One of my besties (an old friend from grad school days) lives in a far northern Chicago suburb, but retains the life lessons she learned from her dad--who immigrated from Poland, ended up as a professional chef, and always lived frugally.
K, thank you for your honest and generous post. I am a lot like you in both my past and present life, as well as in values and practices. Working hard, being frugal and using your financial resources to support others is truly the good life. Your kids are so lucky to have you as a role model.
I really appreciate your perspective!! We can all be frugal, whichever stage of life or income level we are personally at. You’ve brought a fresh perspective and also something for me to think about:strategic charitable giving! We also haven’t been to church since pre-pandemic and I’m really compelled to resolve that. Thanks for taking the time to do Kristen’s questions!
I love reading this especially because when my husband and I were working, we did outsource (as you call it).
It's always the decision between time and money. Now that we are retired, the perspective is different!
Xoox
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
"I’m just not into the maintenance that’s involved with anti-aging. I want to age gracefully." I love this statement. I think it's been universal that most of your guests have said something along these lines.
I love my grey hair and freedom from makeup, I'm very happy not to spend all that money on highlighting or coloring my hair or mani-pedi's. Clean well-shaped natural haircuts and nails are fine for me. I also can't imagine spending all the time it takes to keep up these looks and the chemical exposures.
Hi, K, and welcome!
I like your attitude about money. I've thought for a long time that money isn't just to spend, it's to use as a tool. Helping others is a fantastic way to use it, in my opinion.
One of the things I lucked out on was my hometown had an attitude of thrift. I knew just a tiny amount of kids who got cars at 18 from their parents, but no one - literally no one- got a new car. It was always well-used, and often a family vehicle being handed down, even if the parents made plenty of money. I think K.'s kids will have a good understanding of why it's good to spend wisely, even in a wealthy neighborhood, judging from this post.
I am also in awe of that cake. I like to make cakes, but let's just say my cakes will never look like K's. Ever.
Thanks for sharing, and I enjoyed your viewpoint and experiences very much!
I am so, so happy that you included a high earner in Meet the Reader! My husband and I both work in legal, so I relate to a LOT in this post. We also try to live below our means and avoid the life-style creep. I was brought up in a very frugal household and I often feel bougie-guilt when I think about some of the things that I outsource (cough, landscapers), though I also do rinse out zip-loc bags, just like my grandmother. I sometimes feel like I don't really "belong" in this community, as my frugality is no longer out of necessity. And sometimes I'm not frugal at all, TBH. I come back here for the reminders and the accountability. Financial security doesn't always last forever and it's good for me to flex my frugal muscles, even if it's no longer a method of survival. Thank you for this post!
Great post! The golden handcuffs/bonus issue can trip a lot of higher income people up. In some industries your bonus/variable pay can be 50 percent or more of your compensation. Folks who are naturally frugal think fine, it is a bonus so save it or spend it on one-off things rather than build it into base income assumptions. But a lot of people will not base their ongoing spending decisions on less than 50 percent of their probable comp. Which is fine…until it isn’t! And then you can’t pay your mortgage. Whoops.
Oh yes, we have known people over the years who have bought a car, counting on bonuses to help them make the payments. But then when the bonus doesn't come, they are in big trouble!
I enjoyed K’s responses and the peek into her life. Thank you for sharing!
I could relate to some of it - especially being selectively frugal and outsourcing childcare. I was lucky enough to have the same wonderful nanny for almost 16 consecutive years. That allowed me to focus on my job and saved some of my sanity.
I was raised more frugally than some and in hindsight consider myself lucky. My parents valued education and investing for the future. I wish they had spent more on themselves though. That is a difficult balance to find. Frugal habits pay off but are difficult to change even if you are lucky enough to experience a chapter(s) where you can loosen the purse strings a bit.
I am very frugal about some things but spend more extravagantly on others. Tipping, especially the last few years, is definitely one of my splurges. Since we live in the country most of the year (and on an island some months) we generally cook at home. I am very glad we both have some practical skills as they are essential for where we live.
Staying in a nicer hotel or accommodations is one thing I do without any guilt.
I love my library and consider that one of the perks of living in or near a community that has one. We pay nonresident fees to be able to access a wonderful library and I think it is such a good value.
We tried to model hard work for our kids (which they complained about - as did I growing up with same). I think it paid dividends bit time will tell.
Love the variety of this series!
@Val C of LBC,
Especially since my income kept me from engaging in the comments section until recently because I felt silly.
Aww, I love that K's interview is helping some of you feel more welcome here. Yay!
@Val C of LBC, if it helps, I'm frugal from choice rather than necessity and as everyone knows, that hasn't stopped me from commenting. Jump on in, the water is fine!
@WilliamB, thanks so much! And I know you do, I've been a lurker for about a decade. In fact, I feel honored that you replied to my comment! Haha! I guess I struggle not feeling silly because we live in one of the most expensive places in the nation, we make great money, and I'm not always the most frugal. But we try!
Lawyer K, I enjoyed your submission so much. Thank you for sharing it.
Lawyer K, I think we're twins at heart. Everything you wrote parallels what I think, or would if I were the same situation. Avoiding lifestyle creep is so hard when you know you're already living below your means. I, too, like buying time with services - a house cleaner was one of my very first grown-up luxuries.
Frugalwoods and Our Next Life blogs have information about effective monetary donation and investment approaches, and you don’t have to be a millionaire to use them.
I don’t have a link for this one but I remember reading an article of a family who set up a trust to donate money (maybe it was local scholarships?) even though they were low earners.
K, it was such a pleasure to read your interview! I loved reading about how you can still embrace frugality even when it's not a necessity based on your income. No doubt that this will be a blessing to your children as they grow.
I really resonated with this: "It’s much easier to succeed when you have supportive parents or family who can help you on your way or step in if there’s trouble." When we moved to Michigan and went back to one income, we hit our savings HARD to be able to put 20% down on our house so we could have small monthly payments and be able to make it on one income. But we felt free to do that because my in-laws offered to loan us up to a certain amount of money if an emergency came up and we needed a big chunk of cash. Having that support put us in a better spot, even though we never ended up needing it.
Thanks for encouraging us all. I'm glad you participated!
Wait, what can a remote household manager do, and how did you find one? I have a similar situation (two bigger jobs, two small kids) and am outsourcing anything possible in this stage, so would love to learn more! It's a stage of life where I've gone from being frugal about money to about time.
@Jackie, it's been amazing! I found her through a referral from another busy friend. Basically, once a week, I send her a list of random things to do - all those things that seem easy but suck up time (e.g. can you find someone to install this light, can you buy a baby present for my college friend, can you look into swim lessons for the baby, can you find and order more sand for the sand table to be delivered, etc.) and she charges me by the hour ($20, very reasonable for her value.)
I really enjoyed this perspective. I am not as wealthy as K by any means but I have all I need and more. I agree about selective frugality. I will pay for private school for my kids and a CrossFit membership to stay in shape/have fun (I'm very grateful the Lord has blessed me with the resources to do so!). However I will not purchase a new car when the not very pretty 2020 Avalon I have runs just fine. 🙂 K - I love that you are generous and want to impart those values to your children. Great post!