Is it ok to have kids share a room? And what's it like to go from 2 to 3 kids?
Hi!
I am a long time reader of your blog, and really enjoy your insightful posts.
I have a 3.5 year old and a 17 month old, and my husband and I have been wondering about having a third. We are both totally on the fence at the moment, but as I do not have any friends or family who have three children to ask, I thought you might be a good resource to address one of my biggest worries about expanding our family: having two of our children share a room.
How have you found two young children sharing a room (if we were to have a third child, I would imagine he/she would share a room with our youngest as I don't think we'd move our oldest to a basement room quite yet)? Do you have any tips or tricks for making that a more feasible situation? Do you ever think that your children would benefit from having their own space or do they seem content to share? How did you handle napping and sleeping for two little ones in the same space?
And on another note, how did you find the transition from two to three (or four) children? I feel like having one and then having another is seen as common, but having more than that isn't and I'd love an insight into that change.
Thanks so much!
Rebecca
To answer your last question first: for me, the very hardest transition was from 0 children to 1 child. The complete lifestyle change that brought about, plus the fact that he was a pretty high needs baby...well, that was a hard time in my life.
Compared to that, I felt that the additions of children #2, #3, and #4 were a relative breeze, despite the fact that I had more children to take care of. Once I was in baby/kid mode, it didn't seem so difficult to add more, but going from no-kid mode to baby mode was tough.
(ten days after baby #3, faring much better than ten days after baby #1!)
I imagine this is only true to a point...I mean, I can't imagine having 11 kids and thinking, "Oh, hey, what's one more?"
But adding #3 and #4 did not make me feel like I was going to die. It was busy, but manageable.
(2004 vacation, 6 months into the three-kid game)
Everyone's different, though, so I think it's sort of difficult to predict how that'll go. However, I can say that for me, it wasn't a big problem.
(2003, pregnant with Sonia)
Also, I should point out that while multiple children are more work, in some respects, they are not. Even when my kids were very small, they did a good job of entertaining each other, and in a family with multiple children, there's usually someone who will play with someone else. This means that you as the parent don't need to spend a lot of time and energy entertaining your children or organizing playdates and that does make life a little easier.
About room sharing: Currently Joshua and Lisey have their own rooms and Sonia and Zoe share, but all of my kids have shared a room with a sibling at some point in their lives.
To make the napping/sleeping issues less problematic, we always put the baby/youngest kiddo in a room on their own and had older kids share. That way naps and early bedtimes could happen easily, and when the baby was getting up in the middle of the night, the older kids weren't disturbed.
Lisey and Sonia visiting Zoe in her room. Worry not; only Zoe slept here!
At one point, though, Sonia and Lisey shared a room and Sonia needed a much earlier bedtime than Lisey did. So, I'd just put Sonia to bed early in the evening and then send Lisey in later.
I think all of my kids have wished for a room of their own while sharing, but at the same time, I'm glad that all of them have had the experience of sharing a room. It's good to learn to put up with other people and their messes and quirks and to learn that the world doesn't revolve around you.
Sonia and Zoe, our current room-sharers, have some issues living together, but it's not all bad. Zoe likes having another person in the room (it makes the dark less scary!), and she and Sonia have some fun times in the mornings together before anyone else is awake.
Of course, it would be far easier to have a room for each kid (less conflict!), but it probably wouldn't be quite as good for my kids' character growth. And the lack of a room for each kid isn't necessarily something that should keep you from having more kids.
I personally have never had my own room (I shared with my brother when I was very small and then with my sister until I got married, and now I obviously share with Mr. FG), and even though I'm an introvert, I emerged no worse for the wear.
So I guess I'd say that while there's nothing wrong with having your own room, I do take issue with the idea that it's a necessity or that you're doing your kids a disservice if they can't have their own private space.
Many, many generations of parents successfully raised children who shared rooms, right? So don't give this issue an inordinate amount of weight.
A few random tips to make room-sharing easier (some of these will apply more when they're older):
- Consider putting the older two together and putting the baby in a separate room, as this can solve a lot of logistical issues.
- Limit the stuff in the room. Two kids' worth of things can easily take over a single room!
- Don't make siblings clean up the other sibling's messes. Each kid should be responsible for their own stuff.
- Give them each a little area that's their own. For Sonia and Zoe this is their bed area. They've each got their own clock, shelf, calendar, and various wall-hangings that are specifically theirs.
- Help them compromise on room decor/style. Sonia wanted a green room, Zoe wanted a blue one, so we picked a color in the middle and they're both happy. 😉
In short: It is totally possible to make this work...lots of people have done it before you. So, if you and your husband really want to expand your family, don't let these worries hold ya back. 🙂
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Readers, I know that many of you have experience with room-sharing and with going from two to three kids....so, share your advice with Rebecca by leaving a comment.
We weren't sure if we wanted two or three children, and that decision was made for us when we found out I was expecting twins! We have 3 boys-- the oldest is 5 and the younger ones are almost 3.
We've opted to do something a little unconventional. When they were small, we had the babies in one room and the oldest in a separate room, but when the little ones were almost two, we put all three boys in the same room with just their beds and a dresser.
This allowed us to transform the other bedroom into the "playroom." We put up tables, and it is the Lego and puzzle room. We don't have mountains of toys, but it sure is nice to only have one room where you have to worry about stepping on a Lego! This may not work forever, but for now, it's the perfect solution for us.
I love the craziness of 3 little boys. Obviously two at once is a huge challenge, but once we made it past the first year, it's actually quite fun. The hardest part is not having enough lap space when you're reading a book
I have three boys as well--5.5 years, 3 years, and 10 months--and personally found the hardest transition going from one to two kids. I think it's because when you only have one, that one is used to being the center of attention and expects to still be the center even wtih a new baby around. But if there are already two, and they're relatively close in age, they can kind of entertain each other when the new baby arrives.
My oldest two boys share a room, by choice. Thankfully, the oldest boy is a rock-like sleeper, so he doesn't even wake up when his younger brother is shrieking from his bed for me (definitely not a rock-like sleeper). They like sharing a room for now, and will do so at least until the baby is ready to move from his crib into a regular bed in a year or so. We have enough room for everyone to have his own room (and then some--enormous old house), but no need for that when they're small.
If your kids go away to college and live in a dorm they will likely have a roommate. Those in charge of such things believe it is a valuable social/life-skills experience to learn to live with someone else. I wouldn't worry about room sharing.
I realize college may be totally different down the road and also that not every one goes to college or goes to college away from home,
I wanted to comment on going from 2 to 3 kids....I have four kids and my first 3 were two years apart and the 4th came 12 years later(surprise!). The first 3 were easier as they had each other, the 4th is more like an only child and is more difficult(only you to play with). Not sure if this helps but the more the merrier does almost apply here-within reason!
Like you Michelle, my first 3 are 2 years apart but my 4th came 8 years later! And I agree, that was (and still is) my hardest transition. My youngest (9) certainly feels like an only child and it gets worse as he gets older because his siblings are now all grown up (18, 20, 22). So that's been tough. When the first 3 were born, we lived in a 2 bedroom house so they all shared 1 room for almost 3 years and we've had times when they've shared and when they didn't, so I wouldn't worry too much about sharing rooms - they'll survive either way! 🙂
we have 3 children & seriously not sure where the biggest transistion was probably from 1 to 2. all of our children was in one room at one time because we lived in a 2 bedroom house for awhile & they got along fine. our 2 boys now share a room both teenagers & 5 years apart. Yes anything will work if its what you have to work w/. our daughter is in between the boys so she has her own room 🙂
Thanks Kristin for responding to my question, and to everyone for writing in their thoughts! It is greatly appreciated 🙂
- Rebecca
I have no personal experience either growing up (2 kids in a 3 bedroom house)and now I'm the parent of just one child. Though I wholeheartedly agree with your points about instilling flexibility and tolerance.
Growing up my dad had 6 brothers and one sister. All 7 boys shared one room! There was a 13 year age spread so for only a few years were they all together. 2 double beds housed the 6 younger ones and the oldest boy got the twin bed! Puts things in perspective.
We have two girls 23 months apart (7&5) and my stepson is 14. He has his own room and the girls share the larger bedroom. He really wanted a brother until he realized that we have a three bedroom house and would not move and he would have to share with a boy nine years younger. We live outside a major urban area and while in our suburb about 1/3 of the families we know share (another bedroom would be an extra $50-75,000) in the inner suburbs and city about 90% share if they are the same gender or little. The girls get along pretty well and they each have a drawer for their treasures and their bed is their own private space.
I have 3 kids - oldest is a boy, younger 2 girls - ages 16, 14, 11. I think the difficulty in going from 1 to 2 or 2 to 3 kids is all in the spread of ages. It was a little tough adding in #3 because the older 2 at ages 3 and 5 had both been potty trained for awhile and were past the super needy stage where as when we added #2, the oldest wasn't potty trained, wasn't going to preschool, etc. We were already in baby mode so it wasn't a big change in lifestyle.
Going from a family of 4 to a family of 5 adds in costs/complication where you aren't really thinking about - a sedan isn't going to be big enough for 3 car seats, vacations require a little more space, you may need a bigger kitchen table, etc. There is also the extra business/costs with activities for 3 kids vs. 2 that are probably more on your radar. It is totally worth it though! We wouldn't trade our larger family for anything! I actually have several friends with 4 or 5 kids so my family doesn't seem very big.
I just wanted to say that you CAN fit three car seats in a sedan! We had three kids across the back seat of our car for three years. There's a couple of car seat brands that are narrow enough to fit three across the back seat of many cars. We had the Sunshine Radians (not sure what they are called now, because they were bought by a different company), and we fit two of those plus a larger booster for our oldest across the back seat without my problem.
It was 3 to 4 that meant we had no choice but to get a minivan!
At one time, I had 3 car seats in the back of a 2 door Chevy Cavalier. There was only one configuration that allowed all 3 to fit and once they were in, they were never removed until we bought another vehicle. It was challenging to get all the kids buckled in, especially the baby in the rear-facing infant seat, but it did work.
I would agree with this. We ended up getting a minivan since we live 5 hours from all our family and several times a year go to visit. With all the stuff that 5 people need, the extra space is great.
I also feel that the world is made for families of 4. Hotels are much more crowded with a 5th (sometimes we stay in a suite to accomodate), lots of ticket packages and deals to be had are all set for groups of 4. It can be very frustrating at times - even boxes of veggie burgers come in pkgs of 4!
That said, our youngest (now almost 3) is a riot and I wouldn't trade him for anything. It's just something to be aware of.
One last thing - our two youngest share a room (boys 3 and 7) and our daughter has her own. Luckily, they are both heavy sleepers so they don't wake up when the other is waking or going down. I know the 7 year old gets frustrated that he doesn't have a place to go for quiet when the 3 year old is napping, but that is really the only issue we have had.
My experience was that the transition from no children to one child was the hard part. As far as sharing a room, we always had space for each of the girls to have their own room, but that's not they wanted. Our youngest would seek into her older sister's room so we finally put them in bunk beds in a single room. They stayed that way until they were teenagers when they opted to have their own space. I think that the sharing actually made them closer.
Ann
Our third was a huge surprise (I found out I was pregnant when my second was not quite six months old!) and I honestly thought it was going to be incredibly hard to have two kids so close together, and I was really overwhelmed for most of the pregnancy. But, #3 turned out to be a super mellow baby, and was actually so easy that we decided, a few years later, to have a fourth, thinking we had the whole parenting thing down. She has proven much less mellow, though, so it is unlikely we'll add a fifth. 😉
We actually have our three youngest in the same room right now. Our house is kind of odd (we have three bedrooms, but one of the bedrooms has a loft in it, so it sort of has four bedrooms), and we have two boys and two girls, so eventually we'll just pair them up that way. But our younger three are so close in age and have the same bedtime, so right now it makes sense to keep them together. We kept the baby in our room for the first year, but then moved her in with our 4 and 5 year olds. There is sometimes some issues at night with kids keeping each other up, but our kids do a pretty good job keeping themselves up on their own, so I'm not sure that makes a huge difference. The main issue is naps. The baby still takes two decently-long naps a day, and that means that their bedroom is off-limits to the middle two during that time. The bedroom with the loft is what we use as the master bedroom right now, but we use the loft as a play area for the kids. So, usually before the baby takes a nap, I'll ask the middle two if they will want to play in their room or the loft. If they want to play in their room, I'll put her down in the pack and play; if they want to play in the loft, I'll put her down in her crib. Then they can't change their minds, but everybody usually just plays in the living room anyway, so it's not really a big deal.
Interestingly, while I really, really wanted my own room as a kid--and did have one from about 9 or 10 on--my oldest, who is 11, is so jealous that his siblings get to share a room! He's always trying to get me to move somebody into his room. But he's never really liked being alone. That will likely change as he gets older, but while I respect a teenage need for privacy, I just don't think that having your own room is particularly necessary. As Kristen noted, having your own room is a pretty new thing, and in most of the world it's still something people don't have. I have a pretty significant need for privacy and personal space, and I do find in a shared room! 😉 I think it's important to have spaces and times where people can be alone, but I don't think having your own bedroom is the only way to do that.
We only have 2 kids, and I think we're going to keep it that way for many reasons. But I can speak to the room sharing, since my boys have shared a room since my younger son was about 6 months old. (they are 21 months apart). Even when #2 was waking up at night, it never seemed to bother #1 (he's a very sound sleeper). When #2 went to bed earlier, I just put him to bed and then we'd do older son's bedtime routine, read stories in our bed, and quietly put him to bed. They've never known any different and they are still really young (4 & 5), so they haven't complained about sharing or asked for their own room yet. I don't see why they couldn't share forever, this may be the only country in the world where siblings don't share rooms!
My sibling says 2-to-3 was the hardest for them, because that was when the children outnumbered the parents (IOW, they went from man-to-man to zone defense). They also had space issues. I consider their decision to have 3 a triumph of desire over practicality.
My neighbor raised 10 kids in a 4 bedroom house. 'Nuff sed, eh?
I had a bedroom to myself until I went to college and did not have trouble sharing once I got there, or in summer camp, either. I'd have much more trouble now, as an adult with established habits, than I ever did as a youth.
If you do get bunkbeds, consider getting ones that break down into regular beds.
"Help them compromise on room decor/style. Sonia wanted a green room, Zoe wanted a blue one, so we picked a color in the middle and they’re both happy."
The FG makes it sound so-o-o simple - at this remove. ;-P
Hahaha, well, readers know that it wasn't simple. 😉 I shared all the ups and downs of that drama!
Our bunkbeds break down into two beds, but thus far, we've never had the room to do that. Maybe once our nest starts emptying...
I only have 2 but they shared a room for years. Like others, the second was in her own room until she no longer slept in a crib. Then we moved her in with her sister. I have a 3 bedroom house, and no intention of moving. When the girls were small my mom would come for extended visits-1 or 2 months. She lived so far away. It was really important to me that she have a room that was just hers. I thought it made it easier for to stay if she could
have her own space. The girls
have great memories of those
visits. I never hear about the fact that they had to share a room, but I often hear about the great times they had with grandma. Now that they're teenagers and my mom can no longer travel, they have their own rooms. I wouldn't have changed a thing.
I shared a room with my sister (5 years younger) from the time she was born until I was a freshman in high school and my parents bought a 3 bedroom house. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I would have loved my own room growing up, but I'm glad I had the experience and the chance to develop our relationship in that way.
I only have one child (and at this point we're sticking to just one) but if we had another you can bet they'd share a room. There just isn't the room in our house for two kids in their own rooms!
I shared a room most of my life. At one point my brother and two of my sisters and I shared a room. Eventually my brother and I moved into our own room (which was a nightmare from start to finish due to his personality and then undiagnosed mental issues.)
As much as I love my wife and living with her, I do really miss having my own room.
We make our kids share a room as we feel it is an important skill to learn to co-exist with another in a small space. Our older kids have had a terrible time in college dorms when their roommates haven't shared a room and don't understand how to share and co-exist with another person (being considerate when someone is sleeping, sharing space, music styles, cleaning up after themselves, etc)
Our two youngest (17 months apart) have been asked if they would like their own rooms, but can't imagine sleeping by themselves. They love sharing a room and we recently built a loft bed for our 6 year old and have our 4 year old in a regular twin bed underneath (L shaped configuration)
As far as adding children, I found going from two to three was the hardest, but, at the time, I was essentially a single parent so that could have been part of it.
Actually sharing a room is not the only - or even best - way to teach tolerance and kindness. As an only child, I was taught to be respectful of others and to be considerate. I had no trouble transitioning to roommates.
My own two boys share a room out of necessity, and I am sure it will not hurt them! All of their grandparents grew up with several kids to a BED. There are sometimes some logistical challenges, but the boys are required to be respectful of each other's things, space, and alone time, when requested.
Oh, definitely...the parents are what make the biggest difference, not whether a kid shares a room or not.
Going for 0-1 was VERY easy for me. Going from 1-2 kids was HARD, hard, hard. 2nd was a preemie (2 lbs) and I was still determined to breastfed. Pumping, then teaching to latch after a long NICU stay was HARD. We haven't transitioned from 2-3 due to secondary infertility, but I don't think there's any chance it could be more difficult! I agree that it's different for every person.
Will your son lose his room when he goes to college?
I liked sharing a room with my sister. My kids don't share because they are different genders, and my daughter is old enough to need privacy. (8)
We have 4 kids 6(g),5(b),2(b),1(b) - they all share a room! We prefer it this way and actually put them all down at the same time. We figure it's best to teach them to adapt to loud noises at bed time from a young age. At first our youngest would cry for 20-45 mins in his crib before giving up, our other kids would be asleep in 5 mins despite the crying. He doesn't even bother crying now! It was a tough go at first, but certainly worth it! Now if we can only figure out a way to keep our 2 year old in his bed!
When our daughter gets a little older, we will give her a room of her own (we have 2 more rooms in the house that could be bedrooms), and the boys will most likely share a room until they move out.
My son and his wife live in a 3 bedroom townhouse and have 6 kids - 4 boys and 2 girls. Three of the boys share a room and they are 17, 12, & 2. The girls are 15 & 7 and share a room. The baby is still in Mom & Dad's room. I'm sure there is friction sometimes but they still seem to get along pretty well. The older children are absolutely great with the 2 little ones. I have seen them all playing together in the family room often. Most of the toys and games are on shelves in the family room so bedrooms contain mostly beds and clothes. The oldest is going off to college next year so the baby will be moved into the boys' room. Seems to work for them.
First, I imagine that it would be easier for Kristen to handle several children as you are a "Stay at Home Mum". This is not meant in any way as a disparaging remark. In fact I cannot imagine a more difficult job than raising 4 children. If any of your readers work outside of the home I personally don't think they should consider more children. In fact when we had our daughter we did not consider my wife going back to work! It is beyond belief that anyone would consider working outside of the home AND raising even one child!!!
We had the one child, a daughter, and right away said WHOA, enough already!! she has been more than enough to handle. my wife did not go back to work, although she has done some work from home. I guess everyone is different.
Different strokes for different folks. Kids mostly turn out OK, SAH or paycheck-earning parents, own room or shared, and so on.
We went from 0-3 kids (foster care; sibling set! We're adopting them this week!) so I can't speak to adding a second baby but I'll just say that going from none to three was not as crazy hard as everyone seems to think. Totally doable! We have a three bedroom house so our girls (ages 4 & 6) share and our son (2.5) has his own room. It goes really well! Our girls are very close.
I come from a family of only two kids and my parents had a four bedroom house so I always had my own room and bathroom. I always wanted a sister to share my room! As a grownup I still wish I had more siblings. So that's what we're giving our kids and I hope they appreciate that as they get bigger! The more the merrier.
Fosadopt! Good for you! Congratulations.
Sometimes I wonder - how is this even a question? I'm the 8th of 9 kids, 3 BR house, everyone shared. I went from there to a brief (2 year) period of my own room when my parents divorced, to college, where I shared a room with 1 to 3 other people.
My first time really having my own "room" after that was when I rented a room in a basement after college.
I was baffled when a coworker (with an only) told me I'd have to buy a bigger house when I had another kid, because they cannot share a room...wha???
I've got 2 boys in a 2BR house. The "baby" slept in our room until he was 10 months old. But they are 9 and 3 and have been sharing ever since. My neighbors have 3 girls in a 2BR house (a single bed and a bunk bed). My other neighbors have 2 boys and kid #3 on the way in a 2BR house. My 'hood is older (think 1920's to 1950's), so at least 1/2 of the houses are only 2BR (and at $700,000 a piece, most people cannot afford to add on).
We have two girls, ages 13 and 16. Both have their own room, but sleep the same room with a bunk bed. The older one grumbles about the younger one being in her room sometimes, mostly because the younger one is messier. But when we discuss having the younger one sleep in her own room, the older one objects. At this point we've decided that it's between them, but I suspect they'll both be in the same room until the older one leaves for college.
I can't speak to this from the parental perspective since I'm child free by choice (unless you count the fe-lions) - but for what it's worth, when I was a kid, I would have given ANYTHING to be able to share a room. I was soooooo jealous of my friends who had sisters and got to have a roommate!
My two boys are currently sharing a room, even though with a four bedroom house they could have their own. I always shared a room growing up, and I feel like it is what makes my relationships with my sisters so close. I want my children to grow up to be best friends. I think that as soon as we are done with a toddler bed we will move them to bunk beds. My sister always said that sharing a room is like having a slumber party every night!
I found the biggest transition was going from no children to one. My largest problem when I added number two was remembering I had to pack for a baby again.
I grew up one of three girls in a two-bedroom house. Until I was 16, I shared a room, and for a while, a bed. My oldest sister got married around the time we moved to a three bedroom house, so I finally got my own room, which I loved. My two daughters shared a room until they were 10 and 7, but they had very little problem with sharing, and when they finally got their own rooms, I would sometimes find them asleep in the same bed, because they had wanted to talk late into the summer night, as they had done when sharing a room, so they would fall asleep, crammed together in a twin bed while the other bed lay empty in the other room. It was cute, actually.
On room sharing. We live in a 4 bedroom house and we are only using 2 as bedrooms since my two girls 5 and 3 (20 month apart) WANT to share a room. I have tried to talk them into having their own but they like sleeping together in the same room. I grew up never having my own room until I was 15....looking back now I am glad I did not. I think I would have tended to just isolate myself from everyone.
Four of our five children have all shared a room with a sibling most of their lives. Even the youngest who was eight years younger than his next sibling has shared a room successfully. We didn't realize how much their relationships have been enriched by this until our two adult sons moved to another town for work. They shared a two bedroom apartment, but used one for storage and shared the other one until the time the first son married. They are best friends to this day.
I wouldn't do it any other way.
The comedian Jim Gaffigan jokes about having 5 kids in a two bedroom NYC apartment, but it's no joke. He has a diagram in one of his books which explains how they handle the different bed times of the children. Needless to say, it involves having an extra crib, a child sleeping on his and his wife's bed for a while, and then moving a couple of kids once they are already asleep. I suspect his is not the only family in NYC or other large cities with similar issues. Now that he has achieved some fame, they have gotten a bigger place, though.
Haha! I'm totally laughing at your comment about 11 kids. I'm pregnant with my 10th, and my attitude really IS "Hey, what's one more!" I think that set in at about the 5th/6th child. Now that we have a big enough house and car, adding another child really is more about adding a plate at the already full table. 🙂 I totally agree that the transition to the first child is the hardest.
And I really agree with the idea of putting the baby in his/her own room, and having the oldest two share. That way nighttime disruptions don't affect the older ones as much. My kids love sharing, they love talking before bed and having company.
Kudos to you! After 4 rough pregnancies, I was verrry done. I cannot even imagine making it through 10 pregnancies!
... and I have had four babies and have a fifth halfway cooked, and five will be enough. Perfectly fine pregnancies, too — just ready to be done. Ten is astounding (in a good way!). But I'm borderline in the "what's one more?" camp as well! It'll be five kids and two adults in a 2BR. We'll be fine. Sure, bedtime is a hassle about 75 percent of the time, but we still like each other, and more importantly, the kids like each other.
Aren't people interesting?! Sometimes I think I should have gone into sociology or something that lets me study families and choices.
I shared a room with my two older brothers until I was ten years old. After that I felt lonely being all by myself. I rarely shared a bed until I got married, though. When visiting cousins who were used to sleeping together I didn't get much sleep since I had never learned to sleep in a huddle like a pile of puppies. I suspect siblings who occasionally crawl into each others beds adapt better than us lone ones.
I have two children a girl (11) and a boy (9). They shared a room until they were 6 and 4, then they moved into their own rooms. Interestingly enough- they frequently move their mattresses from one room to the other to sleep together in one room. The current set up has been 3 weeks. They'll go back to their own rooms eventually and do that for a few weeks / months but I think because they have the choice-they enjoy it.
Aww, that's so sweet!
Unlike most here, I HATED sharing a room with my sister growing up. The lack of privacy drove me nuts. For me, giving my kids their own rooms was a priority.
I have two girls, ages 11 and 15. I'm a single parent. For me, going from 0 to 1 was easy peasy. Going from 1 to 2 was much more challenging. I think that has alot to so with their personalities. #1 has always been very easy going, go with the flow. #2 like to be busy, is a bit of a drama girl and perfectionist. Both are hilarous. I have a small two bedroom home and they have always shared a room. For the first several years we ended up doing the family bed. When I realized that was their preference I went out and bought myself a king size bed so we all fit a little better. They eventually transitioned out of my bed/room and into their own. I'm planning on changing rooms with them in the next couple of months. My room is quite large and theirs is quite small. I think they need a bit more space. I'll admit there have been times I have wished my house was a little bit larger and my kids each had their own room. That said, I also know they'll both be out of the house before I know it and the last thing I'll want then is a big old house to wonder around in.
I had 6 brothers and sisters growing up. We never had more than a 3 bedroom house. Not only did we share rooms, we shared beds! My younger sister and I used to argue over who got to sleep in the same bed with my older sister-we both wanted to! A couple of my older brothers made a "make shift" bedrooma in the unfinished basement. Lots of families were like ours back then, lots of kids and avg size houses-no McMansions back then.
Oh my goodness, this article touched my heart as I am a recent empty nester. It made me think of the wonderful memories of having 5 children in a 10 year time frame. Yes, rooms can be shared. Yes, you can turn your living room into a diaper changing station, with toys and blankets and Cheerios placed all around. There isn't any correct 'way', you just do what is right for your family. I personally found having one way more mentally and physically challenging then 5. Yes, there was more laundry, more noses to wipe, but most of all there was a very large group of people who shared rooms, broken hearts, successes and sometimes failures together. I wouldn't change a thing, and guess what? When they are grown or married with families and come home for holidays they get to share rooms again and they love it.
I like you, and I don't even know you. 🙂
My best friend and I both have 3 kids - her first 2 are about 20 months apart and the 3rd came more like 2.5 years after the 2nd. My situation is similar, but reversed - my first 2 are 2.5 years apart and my 3rd came 20 months after the 2nd.
We both agree that it wasn't so much the number of kids, but how close they were - at least for us. The ones that came 20 months apart felt harder than the ones that were 2.5 years apart.
In my house, we did similarly as FG, with the baby in it's own room for a while. We have 4 bedrooms, but keep one solely as a guest room because we want out of town family to come and stay. This leaves 2 bedrooms for 3 kids.
I have girl, boy, girl - so baby #3 was in her own room and #1 & #2 shared - they were so young that there was no concept of privacy and it didn't matter that one was a girl and the other a boy. And when we thought it would be a good time to put the baby with the big girl and give the boy his own room, the kids didn't want to be apart. So for about 2.5 to 3 years, all 3 kids shared a room and were close enough in age to have the same bedtime and it worked really well. As another person posted, during that time the extra bedroom became the play room and there were only beds and dressers in the sleeping room.
Now girl #1 is getting to be a pre-teen - so what works for us now is to have #1 in her own room (formerly the play room) and have #2 and #3 share a room. #2 and #3 are young enough still that it doesn't matter that one is a boy and the other is a girl.
Eventually, when the boy reaches an age where he needs more privacy, we will rearrange again - he will get the smaller room to himself and the girls will share the larger room.
0-1 fun; 1-2 crazy and sleepless; 2-3 still sleepless due to a baby who nursed voraciously every 2 hours but sooooooo much easier. We have a 3 bedroom house with 3 kiddos and 2 parental units. The 6 yo boy and 4 yo girl are in bunk beds. 2 yo girl is by herself. The girls just keep each other awake for-EVER in the same room, so it works best this way for now. All of my kiddos nap/quiet time for 2 hours in the afternoon, and right now the best way that works for us is the 6 yo in his room (toys, books, Legos), the 4 yo on my bed with several books (she still frequently naps) and the 2 yo in her crib. We also have fairly frequent guests and tear down the bunkbeds for the guests and let the oldest two sleep on our floor.
I'm with you that zero to one is the lifestyle change. Everything else is just more juggling. The good thing about having four is people have finally stopped saying to me "just wait until..." When I had one kid people would say "just wait until you have two." Two seemed fine to me, but no one ever says "just wait until you have five!"
Our big boys (8, 6) currently share a room, but we have ordered a new bed to put in what is now the baby's room, and the 6-year-old and baby will share. I have high hopes for this. The 6-year-old is always in the "little brother" role and it will be nice for him to be the big brother, at least in the rooming situation. Also, his new bed is really cool.
Yes-now the only thing you have left is the, "Wait until they're teenagers." or "Wait until they're driving.", etc.
I hope your new room situation works out great!
My brother and I shared a room when we moved to the country, from 5/3yo to 7/5yo. First in a 2 br house, then a 3 br house with a classroom setup in the 3rd room. I think we got on OK.
Both my parents shared for some time with siblings as Dad has 3 sisters and a brother, and Mum has 2 sisters and 3 brothers. The old house Mum moved to when her brother was a baby when she was 10 has 4 bedrooms. Mum shared the biggest room with her sisters until they needed their own desks and then she slept in the front verandah sleepout until her brothers moved out and she could have their room. One brother slept in the box room off the back verandah and the other 2 shared a very small room next to the only bathroom.
Dad's parents built a new house with 5 bedrooms when he was a teenager. It had a room with adjoining WC for their grandmother, a large 3 way bathroom with 2 showers, 3 rooms for his sisters and a large common area that his brother and him shared as a bedroom. It suited him as he had basically left home already, he left school at 14.
They all moved from small 3 bedroom houses, so they definitely all shared before moving to their bigger houses.
I did not find going from 0 to 1 to be really difficult. We did spend many years trying very hard to get to #1, so maybe that is part of it. Our first was also an easy baby who always slept very well, I'm sure that helped. We are about to go from 1 to 2, so we will see how that goes.
My mom shared not only a room but also a bed with her two sisters. She had two older brothers, one slept in the dining room on a cot and the other in the laundry room on a cot. I grew up sharing a room (but not a bed) with my brother. It was fine, we just got dressed in the bathroom. My husband and his brother had a bunk bed in the living room, their older sisters shared a bedroom.
So when we found out we were expecting our second son, it seemed bizarre to us that everyone immediately started asking if we planned to move to bigger house. People also want to know if we are buying a minivan. Nope- two carseats fit just fine in our sedan and two carseats even fit in the back of our 14 year old 2 door VW Golf. Don't get me wrong- minivans are awesome, just not quite awesome enough to take on a car payment for.
Yep-a sedan worked for us fine with two, but when Sonia was born, we had a van and that was great. It would have been tough to take road trips in our sedan with three kids!
My mother in law raised 4 boys in a 1000 square foot row home in Philadelphia. They always shared bedrooms.She was a world class budgeter and sewed, cooked from scratch and kept the house spotless (somehow!) I think having baby #3 will probably add a lot to your family!
I always laugh at this question because my Mom was the oldest of 14 children. They had, for the most part, 3 bedrooms for the kids. (There was a 4th in the basement, altho no longer considered legal, that the oldest two boys went to, but for a while, all 14 were in the 3 rooms.) There was the boys' room--3 bunk beds. The girls' room--2 bunk beds plus a baby's crib in a niche that also had the closets. And the oldest girls' room (with a double bed that the two oldest girls living at home shared. That doesn't add up to 14, but I think the youngest baby was in their parents' room and then my Mom left for college, then her one-year younger sister did, before the two youngest babies needed beds.
They ALSO had a guest bedroom, and it was strictly used for guests! The only kids who had their own rooms were my Mom until her sister was born, and the last 3 children at home (two boys shared the basement room and one upstairs room went empty; teen boys!).
Oh my...I can't imagine going through 14 pregnancies. I think that would very nearly kill me. (So much puking.)
I was just having the conversation of going from 2-3 children with a neighbor who just had her second baby. Personally, I'm with Kristen, my hardest transition was from 0 to 1 child. I think for me it mostly had to do with being a new mom and feeling like I had no idea what I was doing. That, and she was a horrible nurser and wasn't gaining weight, and she cried (what felt like) 90% of her waking hours. I had my second when my oldest was only 21 months, so we did the two in diapers thing for about a year, but it was manageable. Fast forward 4 years and I just had my third daughter this summer. Her pregnancy was harder on me (I'm in my 30s now, I had a Kindergartener and a preschooler in the house), but with baby #3 I felt like an old pro. Honestly, it was the easiest transition I've ever had.
Yep-my first was a terrible sleeper, and he cried a lot, plus he had terrible burping issues (as in, struggled super hard to burp, which resulted in a lot of crying). I'm sure that contributed to my feeling like that transition was super hard!
I grew up sharing a room with my sister from age 4-9, then our own rooms ages 9-14, then we shared again for about 6 months, then own rooms. We moved a lot, hence the going back and forth, and we have a younger brother who was an infant when we all moved into our own rooms. He got his own room for that 6-month period.
My kids are 7(boy) and 4(girl), and have shared a room since the girl was old enough to transition to a crib (around 4 months). They love being in the same room, and it has allowed us to choose to live in 2-BR rental places (apartment in Seattle, now townhouse in the greater Chicago area), rather than blow our budget trying to find 3-BR places (much harder!).
We know that as they get closer to puberty, they'll need their own space, and we're on track to have saved for a house by then, but even if we can't move before they need that, we have plans of other ways to modify their room and/or a finished space in our "basement" as needed.
Growing up, I lived in everything from a 2-BR 600sqft apartment with my parents, sister, and a baby brother born 9 months before we moved, plus a Lab and a cat, to living in a 9-BR, 3-full BA old Victorian, to a 2,000sqft more modern (built in the 90's) house. The general conclusion I took from that is this: It isn't the size of the home, it's the size of the love, patience, and understanding in the home.
Unless you're breaking your lease (one of ours specified a max number of 5 people for our 2-BR apartment) or other legally-binding agreements, I truly don't believe people should allow the size of their dwelling to limit the size of their family, provided both parents are on board with expansion. Not that long ago, families were larger and homes were smaller. We had our first child while living in a 1BR apartment, and we stayed there until after his first birthday. Was it easy? No. He slept in a crib in the living room, and we would watch movies on the couch nearby. And he sleeps great now - hardly anything disturbs his sleep, even when his baby sister would wake up crying during the night.