I'm throwing away so much money on rent!
This is a thought that has popped into my brain more than once over the last 3.5 years of living in my little rental home.
In fact, when my brain starts to calculate the rent amount from the last three years, I mentally look away because the thought is so unpleasant.
In addition to the "Renting is throwing away money!" thought, there's also a slightly nagging feeling that you have somehow not quite arrived as an adult if you are renting.
Before I left my marriage, I'd been a homeowner since the year 2000! So when I rented this house, it had been 22 years since I'd last been a tenant. It felt a little bit like going backwards in life stages.
Despite these brief forays into negative thinking about my housing situation, I do feel generally good about it. And some of that is because I have loosened up my thinking about renting and decided to tell myself some other stories about it, stories that are more helpful.
I know some of you may be in a renting situation when you wish you weren't, so I'm going to share my thought processes here and maybe it will help you too.
The main thing I tell myself is this:
Rent money IS getting me something
The "renting is throwing money away" view is merely looking at a financial return on investment, and while there are arguments to be made for renting being more financially wise, I like to look at it in a different way:
I'm not throwing money away; I'm buying myself things with every rent payment.
What are those things? Let's run through some!
Flexibility
Sometime in the next few years, I will likely become an empty-nester. Who knows what I will do after that? Will I want to downsize into a little home for one? Will I move out of the area? Will I try travel nursing?
I don't know. So as I look toward some years of change, I appreciate the flexibility that renting has to offer.
Predictable housing costs
I know exactly how much I will spend on housing each month; I don't ever have unexpected home-related bills.
Home ownership comes with unpredictable maintenance and repair bills, as evidenced by the new boiler system my landlords just had to install!
A lovely neighborhood
Renting buys me the privilege of living in a neighborhood where I could not afford to buy, and where people rarely sell.
The houses are spread apart a bit, there are beautiful old trees everywhere, and it's ten minutes from my hospital!
Less stress
Buying a house is stressful and time-consuming. I haven't even found the time to buy a car; how would I possibly manage buying a house right now?
Moving is also stressful and time-consuming. All of my stuff is here, neatly settled; I'm happy to pay rent for the privilege of just staying in place for now.
Stability
If you've read any of my Patreon posts, you know that things were rocky for me for a long time.
But the years from 2018-2022 were especially full of upheaval.
2018 was the first time I left my marriage, and the girls and I shuffled between family members' houses for months. Then in 2022, the girls and I lived with my parents again for four months before I rented this house.
Here, though, we've peacefully landed for a few years, and we don't have to leave if we don't want to. I think that's important for Zoe and me.
Safety
I feel what is probably an unusual level of attachment to this house because it has been our safe haven.
I mentioned the moving-houses that happened starting in 2018, but the years between 2018 and 2022 were chock full of troubles, even when we did consistently live in the family house. Honestly, when I reluctantly ended the separation in 2018, I almost felt like I was going back to a prison.
I had so many miserable experiences in that house over the years, I sometimes shudder when I see pictures of it.
But this house feels peaceful and safe, like home should feel. Maybe it's a little bit like a security blanket for me at this point.
Perhaps I will be ready to leave it at some point in the future, but right now I'm not, and that's ok. 🙂
If you're a tenant, what is your rent buying you?
P.S. People often ask, "Could you buy this house from your landlords?" And the answer is no; the previous renters wanted to as well! 😉 This was my landlords' starter home, and they want to hang on to it.
From what it sounds like, your landlords are nice! Down here in Florida, so many landlords use property management companies, which are not nice. Boo. And that's why I don't rent a house... but I do rent an apartment! The management here is super nice and things are always fixed promptly. It definitely gives me peace of mind that if my AC goes out, for example, they're here within the day to fix it.
I also appreciate the flexibility. When it's time to move, it'll be a lot easier to give up my apartment than have to put an entire house on the market and sell it. 🙂
Did all of your children move around with you during the upheaval? I'm curious because I think you said Sonia wasn't living with you during the separation and divorce?
Also, who is that adorable white bird in the last photo? She (or he!) is very cute!
During the first one, no one stayed at the house with him; we all left. For the second one, only the younger two were still at home, and we did all move in with my parents. Sonia decided to go back to the family home at the end of our stay at my parents; Zoe and I moved here, and Lisey also moved in with us for her last year of aviation mechanic school.
The bird is currently nameless; Zoe bought him/her (?) and I am surprised she hasn't named the bird! I should ask her.
@Kristen, Well, I think she (I'm dubbing the bird a she for now, haha) needs a name. And your readers need some more pictures of her in upcoming posts. 🙂
Hehe, ok, I will hit Zoe up for some ideas. 🙂
@Kristen,
She is the white dove of peace.
@Natalie K., I agree! It is so cute!
@Natalie K., my brother worked as a zookeeper for many years. He said they always gave their birds girl names because some birds are really hard to determine the sex of. That way if the bird unexpectedly laid an egg there wasn't an awkward name. Apparently that happened once!
@Lisa S, That is HILARIOUS. I love it! We had a parakeet several years ago whose prior owner (a rescue place, since she was found outside) was convinced she was a he, so we gave this bird a male name. Imagine our surprise when she turned out to be a girl! (Luckily she didn't lay an egg—her cere turned brown, the way female parakeets' ceres do as they mature.)
@Lisa S,
Lol! A friend of mine used to volunteer for a wildlife rehab center that has a permanent resident Cockatoo. (Or Cockatiel? Now I'm not sure. They have several permanent resident animals who would be unable to survive in the wild, due to various injuries. Anyway, I digress.) This Cockatoo was/is named Alfie, and apparently it was assumed Alfie was a male, until he/she laid an egg. The name stuck. 🙂
@Liz B., I have a friend whose female parrot is named Jonathon.
@Natalie K., we had a parakeet for many years starting when I was a little girl. We acquired him from a neighbor who called him Hans. We figured out it was a girl but we never did change his pronoun 🙂 but changed the name to Hansietta. He lived on for twelve years and finally died of old age, after surviving the greedy longing stares of my cat!
@Lisa S, hubby and i once got a lovebird at a garage sale. we were told he was a boy. but years later he laid an egg. we named him/her motek which means sweetie in hebrew. the hubby's grandma used to grab his chin and squeeze while saying motek, motek.
@Anne Wiebe, Aw!!! So cute. I initially read the name of your bird as Henrietta, and I was going to say that we had a Henry at one point. He truly was a boy, though.
We almost didn't change our bird's pronoun, but then we just started drifting towards calling her "she." I don't think she minded either way! 🙂
@Anita Isaac, Too cute! I love that. I'm glad he went to a good home... the idea of selling a bird at a garage sale scares me! Because even though there are good bird owners out there, like anyone in the commentariat on this blog, there are definitely some not-so-good ones too. And I wouldn't want my bird to go to a bad home!!!
Honestly, it seems like you are getting so much for your rent money. You have created a safe, comfortable home for you and Zoe in a great area, near your work. I'm really happy that you have found such a great place to start over after such a traumatic and hard marriage.
I am not, now, a tenant but I have been and I also have an economics degree. Renting offers all the things you say it does (although a econ textbook won't include 'no bad memories' as a benefit).
You were successful in keeping the chaos out of your blog. So all the shoulders and support I want to offer can only be retroactive. It must have been so hard for you and the girls.
I have always rented. It's stressful right now because the rent is going to increase soon, and I don't have much to add to that. I appreciate the location of where I currently rent (very close to the city, gym and a beach), and also the flexibility with if I choose to move.
I'm sorry things were so hard in your old house. I think sometimes we get the message that we have to hit 'adult' milestones in order to be truly grown up (ie, getting married, having kids, buying a house etc) but it's a continuous process and life can go in so many different ways. You seem so much happier and at peace now in your little rented home (and with your cats!) 🙂
I've read articles on renting vs. homeownership, and there are pros and cons for both, but one thing that I've seen before is this: you aren't throwing your money away, you are purchasing something: housing you can use, just like you purchase electricity to use every month. Many of us here buy a car and keep it until it won't get us much, if any, money back on our purchase when we sell it or junk it. Do we therefore refuse to buy a car because it depreciates and can't be considered an investment and we are "throwing our money away?" No, for most of us, the pros of owning a car far outweigh the cons. For all the reasons you listed, the pros outweigh the cons so for you to rent, so your money is well spent.
Plus, I like the looks of your house!
By the way, how hard was that 3D cat puzzle to assemble? It looks truly realistic! 🙂
It's so fuzzy, right??? 😉
To everything there is a season . . .
I don't know the particulars of your spousal relationship but there is a huge cost to free yourself and your children rom an abusive situation. Most women can't or are too afraid to pay the cost. It involves untethering yourself from all you know and walking in courage to become a completely new person. It sounds like part your cost for the journey was home ownership. You sacrificed that to pay for your future of peace and prosperity through your nursing program and self growth. Temporarily renting seems minor in terms of what you have been willing to sacrifice to be happy, joyous and free. Even greater, you have modeled to your children that there is a path of freedom no matter what.
@Mary Ann, So very well said. Life is about trade-offs and learning to let go of what no longer works. It isn't easy, but you came through the difficult time because you were clear on your desire for peace and wholeness.
I congratulate you on your fortitude in doing what was needed both for yourself and your children. Too many women stay in situations and really, we only get one life. I personally don't know how they do it, and I have witnessed women who left with nothing but a suitcase and some who were temporarily "unhoused" but it was still a better situation.
I have always gotten a sense of joy and peace from your current rental. You have done such a great job making it yours. And luckily you have owners who are very responsible. That's rare these days.
We are where we are meant to be until we change what no longer works.
Life is bigger than the timetables and labels and "we should have" stuff we impose.
You are well along on your new path and that is a blessing.
Yes, I think this needs reframing! You have flexibility, options, and a safe place. Those might not translate to numbers in a bank account but they are valuable nonetheless. I don't like the concept of there only being one right way to live. Renting is not throwing money away. It's valuing somethings over others.
@Meeghan, Well said!
@Meeghan,
I agree. ROI can only be determined by Kristen.
1. This bright, beautiful home gave you a safe place to land.
2. Awesome places to walk and work through the slog that was the first part of your adulthood.
3. Great landlords who can also be that source of comfort allowing you to let go of some of those unexpected expenses when you first flew the coop.
4. Close to work is priceless and allows for less stress.
5. Good neighbors.
It has truly been a joy seeing you complete your RN, imagine a solid future and this rental gives you so much flexibility which is stress reducing. Cheering you on and so proud of you and the life you have worked so hard for.
@Meeghan, well stated.
I definitely love renting, especially after seeing the amount of work my mom currently puts into the home she has paid off. I literally don't even have to change light bulbs here if they go out. And my rent/location is such that I also don't have things like electric and water bills, everything is included and so there are never any surprises. No yard work, no snow shoveling, and I am 2 blocks from where I work so no time spent commuting in a busy city and it's easy to come home for lunch if I want or forgot anything.
I am considering buying in a co-op, which would be the only way I could afford to live locally in a style of housing I love (wood floors, high ceilings, crown molding, fireplace, etc.), otherwise a house I could afford would require more work than I could pay to make it anything like what I'd want. I could use up most of my money and then be stuck needing to take out personal loans to replace a roof, furnace, etc. and be much worse off than I am now renting.
As a former renter, I think the house you are in is wonderful. First the owners seem to be attached and prefectly willing to fix ASAP and with quality in mind. You don't get that all of the time. We lived in a wonderful home that had a leaky roof and our landlords sent a maintenance guy over mulitple times to fix it. But the house was built in 1840 and th eroof hadn't been completely repalced since the 1960's. IT really needed a rehab. I hoped they would fix it after we moved out. As in take off the whole thing and rebuild. We moved out 7 years ago and it is still empty. Not just because of the roof but the little patch jobs and tar just did not work. It makes me sad when I go by. Basically they just saw this as a way to make money and didn't want to put money in it. Don't even ask me about my deposit. I never expected any back, and trust me wasn't surprised when they didn't refund it, or explain what the funds went to. Second not really knowing where you will be in 5 years, buying doesn't make sense. The selling of a house can be stressful and fruaght with costly expenses.
I thought the exact same words: this house has been your safe haven.
We are homeowners but would not like to spend large sums on our home, since we are in our early 60s. In that case I would prefer to look into smaller houses . I am very much a look ahead and plan person, my husband does not see why it might be wise to prepare to move by our 70s.
@JNL, we just moved 2.5 years ago; we are in our 60s. Our 4 bedroom ONE bath (upstairs) house was too big. My mom had ALS, which is probably not inherited but I just didn't want my kids to have to schlep us up and down the stairs when we got old and decrepit. It was a good move so I highly recommend it.
As a homeowner who recently spent the equivalent of 50 000 USD on a not-fun repair renting seems quite appealing at times! I think renting seems like the perfect choice for your current situation.
You are also providing your landlords with an excellent tenant, which I'm sure is something they appreciate.
With the skyrocketing cost of buying a house these days, a lot of people are unable to do so. A lot of financial gurus are advising to rent, and put any excess money you have into good investments instead.
However, in my city, the news media reports that the cost of renting is up in the stratosphere, as well. I've had friends tell me "I'm paying $X in rent," and the amount is more than I've EVER paid for my monthly mortgage payments. "Affordable housing" seems to be an oxymoron, at least it is if you're trying to rent in a safe neighborhood with good schools.
One other advantage of renting is that you don't know who will move in near you. It could be an extremely undesirable neighbor.
Case in point: I had a relative who was a hoarder. Neighbors on his city block turned him in to Code Enforcement numerous times. So he bought a house in the country -- no city ordinances or city inspectors out there, he gleefully reported.
Across the road from his country place, a doctor (?, I think it was) has just built their dream home -- a big brick 2-story house with a large picture window in front. Very fancy! Then my relative moved in; his property, in full view of the doctor's home, started to look like a junkyard. (Think Sanford and Son being across the road from The Beverly Hillbillies' mansion.) I felt so sorry for those neighbors!
The next time I came to visit, they'd built a very tall (12-foot, maybe?) brick wall in front of their property, with an iron gate positioned so my relative's mess could not be seen from their home.
What else could they have done?
There was no way they could sell their home for anywhere near its value, not with my relative's garbage dump of a front yard across from them. So they were stuck there! A renter could have simply picked up and moved away.
@Fru-gal Lisa, wow tis a rare place that allows a "fence" that tall in height. But again, in a no zoning rules area. Even if there were zoning laws, in some areas, it is a loss to take a violator to court (read: my area - thankfully I have a new neighbor who is not a psycho).
There were vacant lots across the street from me - at least the health department has rules and an enforcement mechanism. I bought them to ensure no eye sores. You'd have thought the homeowner next to them would be happy that the area is no longer an overgrown jungle. But eh, they had their chance to buy at least one lot multiple decades ago. I enjoy the prairie restoration and cannot wait for next year's bloom.
Apologies in advance - I'm trying to figure out how to put this all into words. Home-ownership as a step in the adulting path is not a universal concept. There are a lot of cultures and places around the world where renting is the norm (or living on a family compound). I don't know if is a uniquely American thing, but it definitely has factored into the American Dream. I'm 37 and married, and still rent in a city where renting isn't "the norm" and where most of my friends are homeowners. I often fight feelings of insecurity and thoughts of "am I really an adult?" I work to combat those (of course I'm an adult - I financially support myself, I've been divorced, am now remarried, and have had an almost 20 year career).
But, I actually LOVE renting. I have an amazing landlord, affordable rent, and a great apartment. I also have an amazing community of friends who are chosen family that also live in my building (and provide free dog care when my husband and I travel!!). Additionally, although a mortgage might be cheaper (or at least would have been 5 years ago), I have never paid any sort of maintenance costs or emergency housing costs in my whole life. Instead, I have had money to invest and saved monthly since I was in my early 20s. It was this fact that finally changed my father's mind. He was always worried that I didn't want to own a home because "I wouldn't be building equity or investing in my future". But circumstances were so different when he and my mom bought their house in 1991 than they are now.
@Katie, you do what works best for you. I'm a bit tired of the get married, buy a house, have babies. "playbook". It doesn't work for everyone and that is perfectly okay.
Renting isn’t always “wasting” money. It costs money to live wherever you are, even if it is your parents’ basement! Our house has been paid off for many years, and it still astonishes me how much it costs—insurance (if you can even get it), property taxes, maintenance, repairs, replacements, propane, electricity all add up to what our mortgage was. It would be a thrill to call someone and say, “It’s time to replace the washer/water heater/fridge”.
Nope, not moving backward—forging onward to the next chapter in life. That’s what you are doing, Kristen! (And holy guacamole, how you kept blogging through the hell-years shows tremendous strength, remarkable courage, unusual fortitude.)
I love renting in many ways. I don't like to think of the cost, but renting gives us such a freedom and flexibility (even just mentally) to explore new places. I rented in a fairly expensive city but we found a semi-affordable place. We could NEVER have afforded to buy there, but living in that city for four years was so much fun and memories we'll treasure. In that way, renting felt like paying for both a home AND an life-adventure.
Given today's economic situation, it is clear that many folks, hardworking, often with more than one job, will still not be able to afford to buy a home, or if they do, to keep it and maintain it.
I am glad you were able to reframe your thoughts about the money. It is too easy to get locked into "how things should be for me at this age" whether it's housing, career, personal relationships. We just create our own misery sometimes when we start comparing current with "how it should be" which is different than "how I'd like to change it."
Frankly, given your situation, you were darn lucky to have relatives to live with and then be able to afford to rent. Many women trying to leave a marriage never can because they don't have anyone to stay with and cannot afford to rent for various and sundry reasons.
So, right off the bat: You had options and that puts you way ahead of the game.
Also,l you kids are off on their own, except for one, who seems old enough to be off on her own in a short time. Maybe you don't need a house in the near future. (And maybe renting gives you a freedom...to date again and not be worrying about having a house that you might not want to give up if you meet someone down the road with whom you want to create a new life and home. Just saying...could be another aspect to all of this. You aren't locked in with your present situation and that is a good thing, in and of itself.
Also, you'll have an income track record in a few years that you didn't have before (I've never met anyone who could use their online income to get a mortgage or a loan, unless it's the Kardashians who make millions with their projects). and that can give you more of a range of what you can afford (The shock of prices for homes today. Prepare yourself.)
I have been a renter for more decades than I want to share. Our building went co-op years ago. At the time, the price seemed realistic. However, the issue was the maintenance fees. I could afford the mortgage and related fees but I was deeply concerned about the maintenance rising as it was an old building in bad shape (as it turned out, I was right to be concerned about the maintenance rising every year). We see lots of co-ops that seem reasonable in price and even with higher percentage mortgages. But then you see the maintenance and it's like: Yikes, especially as you have no input into what expenses are incurred for the building as only the co-op board controls that. (Another reason not to buy: You own shares and not your space, and you have no say in how things are done in the building in terms of upgrades, improvements, etc.. Co-op is not what it actually is. (And the nature of the building changed because new folks who bought in at high prices developed attitudes towards renters who had lived here for years as I have. It's as if we are second class and are never considered when input is needed for various aspects of maintaining the building. It's now a two class building with the shareholders primarily caring about resale value, first and foremost. It's not a great atmosphere.
Someone said, "Gee, look what you paid in rent." My response was, even if I had purchased and would sell, even if it had appreciated, I still couldn't afford to find a comparable one bedroom in the major metropolitan city where I live. That sort of helped me maintain perspective on what I "lost" in rental fees. The only way I would have made money if I sold the co-op was to move out of state which was never my intention, let alone move out of the city.
Plus, if I did, I would incur all kinds of other expenses (car, insurance, gas) that would have added to costs. And as I aged, who would want as a single person to have to maintain a house. (It costs a lot to keep them going and that means hiring someone. So no, it worked to stay where I am.)
Very briefly, Kristen: Given your past and current situations, your stage in life, and your almost-empty-nest status, it sounds to me as if you are exactly where you need to be, when you need to be in it. I try not to second-guess myself, and I don't think you should be second-guessing yourself either. Rent proudly!
Kristen, I'm glad you found a home where you a your daughter can thrive. I don't think there is a wrong answer to the Buy vs Rent question. Where and how one lives is a deeply personal decision and is rarely based solely on economic factors. We need different things at different times of life.
Several years ago, I remember reading an article about a man who was single and a computer consultant in Silicon Valley. He chose to live in a hotel near his office that catered to business travelers.
At the time, rentals were difficult to find and homes were very expensive in that area of the country. For him, living in a hotel was cheaper and simplified his life.
Everything was included - electricity, cable, internet, the gym , and a cleaning service. Imagine never having to wash towels!
The hotel provided him with breakfast and coffee every morning. He had access to a shuttle service, an on-site laundry, and unlimited hot water. He even earned points using the hotel's loyalty program which he could use to reduce his "rent" or help pay for a vacation. Best of all, if his contract ended unexpectedly, he did not have to worry about the cost of breaking a lease or the hassle of selling a house. He could leave when he was ready.
I often think about this when I have to spend money on something exciting like putting in a French drain or when I wish someone would make me breakfast.
@Bee, I read about him, too. Fascinating!
I love this story!
I've consistently owned homes most of my adult life, but am currently renting.
The last home I bought was in 2022 in CO, following a cross country move for what I thought was the best thing for my 10th grade son. Unfortunately, during our time in CO, he went through a lot of mental distress, anxiety, depression leading up to suicidal ideations. He came to me crying one day asking if we could just go back to the state where he lived when he was younger, and finish high school there.
We had to list our house, at a time that rates were all-time high, and sit and wait... and wait for it to sell. We managed to sell relatively quickly, but at a point where we were having to count pennies to see if we could manage payment for rent on a place in the new state and still carry the mortgage in.
We moved back, are renting a house that zones him exactly where he wants to go to school - and with the overinflated housing market in the area + all time high rates, our rent is no less than $2k cheaper than buying smaller, older house is.
He's now in his Senior year of HS, doing amazing well, thriving, and planning for next life move - which will be another cross country move for all of us, this time to the northeast.
So what am I "throwing away" by renting?
1. Not having flexibility to on a short notice move if that's what my family needs
2. Not paying realtor fees to sell a house if I need to leave or risk carrying two housing payments
3. Not having to worry about repairs if something breaks
4. Not having to sit helpless waiting for a house to sell
5. Not having to go through the excruciating process of looking for houses, going through lending approvals, waiting to find out if offer is accepting, waiting through appraisal and inspection periods, paying closing costs, etc
@R., I'm so glad your son is thriving now. Good job, mama!
I just sold my house where I had lived for 15 years and before that I'd had two other houses. Even though I'm currently wading through a sea of boxes I feel a sense of weight off my shoulders and calm not worrying about a house and cleaning up leaves and is the furnace going to make it another season and shoveling after the huge snow storm we just had. I understand now why my sister when she moved away is renting. Yeah for renting. For now, it's a good place for me.
I love that you have such a lovely safe place to live with amazing landlords! Whenever you mention them, they sound like great people.
When we first moved to our current city, we rented for the first year. At the time, I was eight months pregnant, in the midst of selling our old house, and needed to relocate on very short notice.We also had no idea yet where we’d want to buy in town or if this job was going to work out. Renting was great for that situation.
Unfortunately, this is not a great rental area. Landlords frequently raise rental rates at each annual renewal so the cost can go up a lot from year to year. They are also terrible about maintenance. On top of that is that the rental rates are high to begin with. It’s interesting that it’s affordable to rent in some areas, but not buy. It would cost us double our mortgage (which includes insurance) to rent in my neighborhood. My home value has gone up since we purchased it, but not double!
I know homeownership is a goal so many of us strove for. But that being said, being the homeowner does come with soooo many question marks!!
Like you said, Kristen, those out of the blue costs sneak up on you and usually all at the same time! We've had 2 very icky plumbing repairs in just the past month! Plus we know we need a new roof in like 2 years or so. Have replaced our oven, dishwasher, washer and dryer in the last 2 years. (I know the fridge is next, putting aside cash now for that in '26, sigh)
And how come no one tells us about the weird maintenance things that have to be done on homes? I had NO idea having a dryer vent cleaned was a thing. Or that things like siding gets replaced? These are the times I miss renting: call up the landlord and make them deal with it! ?
I'm still happy we have our home, but can someone else please take care of it for us? haha.
There are definitely seasons in life that renting is the better option. I was so accustomed to home ownership that I bought 3 years ago when I moved to a new town. That was a big mistake and I had to move 2 years later. I should have rented for a year, seen what area I wanted to be in, if I could live in a neighborhood after being out of one for so long, etc.
Where you are seems perfect for your life right now.
We are in a rental situation of sorts and have been for four years with other rentals for 6 years before that. We owned 2 houses prior and never made money when they were sold. A year or so ago dh suggested we begin the process of exploring an" upgrade."
We are researchers by nature and this process suited us fine. Today we still aren't sure ... but we are in no rush and are content. We are ~60 and one income empty nesters. Seeing his elderly mom who sold a paid for house and get into a mortgage with HOA plus all the other usual house expenses in an over 55 development has made us super cautious.
On one income with prices as they are, we can't afford a house that we can pay off anywhere near before retirement age and we don't want a mortgage at 80.
Also we've realized this: you have to either pay the flippers effort for upgrades you might not have chosen, do sweat equity for those you do or know later you have to pay a contractor to do the upgrades someone else will expect. It is not true that houses always appreciate and as someone said, you get the benefit of living wherever either way.?
Love the positive reframing for these negative thoughts that persist in our heads sometimes.
I was deeply in the renting camp until my starting living abroad for years at a time, and then we decided to buy a house for precisely some of the same reasons you cite for renting, and the biggest one was flexibility!
Owning a house in our country (not the US) made it more flexible for us to move back whenever we had/wanted to, because we would not have to wonder where we would live. We rented it out while we were abroad so we knew there would be a chance that timing may not align with whoever was the tenant when we needed to do that, but we felt that even if we had to rent/stay with family to wait until until our house was available would be way way better than having to choose a whole new place to live every time we moved back home. All this to say that the advantages we find in our housing arrangement, whatever it is, are very context-specific and personal.
With time, it's also clear to me that there is also money 'wasted' when you own, you will never get back every cent you put into your house, and that's ok! Not everything has to be measured with a monetary measuring tape, we also need to measure with our hearts like you've done in this lovely post.
I have seen financial analysis that shows that renting is not throwing your money away. You know what your maximum housing expense is each month whereas when you own you only know your minimum expense (mortgage, property tax, insurance).
I think you landed in a sweet rental and I am thankful for you that you did. It allowed you to make a comfortable home without dealing with all the hassles that can come with home ownership. Add in the flexibility it gives you to move without much hassle and it is a slam dunk. I suspect that you are saving for retirement and other things like crazy so there is no need for you to build wealth through home ownership at this time, if ever. Owning a home is not much of a liquid asset (ignoring home equity loans/lines of credit and reverse mortgages) but is nice for those that can afford them.
We have lived in the same house for 32 years and just spent $15,000+ to have our concrete driveway and patio replaced. I am not opposed to home ownership but maintenance can be a major expense.
I think you said you were basically broke when you left so probably couldn’t have bought anything nice. Finding a purchase would have been more stressful during an already very stressful time and, maybe, you needed a rebound house.
If you’ll forgive the analogy, You’d broken up with a house that felt like a prison and trying to buy a perfect replacement probably wouldn’t have worked. You’ve been able to find somewhere that turned out to be great but maybe partly because you didn’t put a lot of pressure on it to be a perfect replacement. A safe place to rebuild your strength and resilience.
Reading this post I had a really strong feeling about you basing yourself in Hawaii as a travel nurse. Hmm, maybe too hot for you though.
I too have thoughts about the amount of time I spent paying rent after my divorce, but I’d never be in the lovely safe house I’m in now of if I had traveled a different path.
Oh yes, even if I had been able to buy a house after I left my marriage, it would have complicated the divorce terribly (anything you purchase while still legally married belongs to the other spouse as well.)
We are renting, with my spouse having a job that requires us to move every 3-4 years. At some point, we may reach a threshold at which our house savings is significant enough to essentially pay cash or the majority of the base price so that insurance, HOA, maintenance, closing costs etc, doesn't exceed the amount we would otherwise pay in rent. My spouse is older than me at 46, so we are right there with you on the bit about being more mature adults "still" renting (he has owned homes before). Lots of people in larger cities seem like they rent til they die, and want to, even if they can afford to buy, because they don't have to be responsible for all the things you noted. We've also kicked around the idea of buying a van and hopping between land tracts we own to capitalize upon good weather.
We rent our house from our son-in-law. It is his dad's home, right next door with a path already there. We live on a river where we can put in the boat right in front of our house. We could never afford to buy property here. We are close to our family and have land we can use to garden. A win - win for us.
My husband has MS and we sold our house and moved to a 55+ development 13 years ago. I also think bout how much we have paid in rent but we no longer have to worry about maintenance, snow removal, grass etc. The building was already ADA compliant which would have been too expensive to do in our home or a new home. We also love the flexibility to be able to move as we get older so it is a win/win for us. Enjoy your cozy home now and don't worry about not owning it - your future is bright and you never know what wonderful opportunity may arise 🙂
When my marriage ended my ex wanted to keep the house we had so I was the one to move. I rented a house not far away and like you, I felt so much peace at that home. I didn't and haven't missed my 'marital' home as I don't think it ever felt like mine due to a variety of circumstances. My rental was small but it was mine for those years; I could hang what I liked on the wall, have the furniture I wanted, etc. I may not have owned it but it felt like mine all the same. I have since purchased a home. While I do feel grateful to have a home I own; there are also many pieces of home ownership I do not enjoy. (as my therapist says there is space for both feelings - a both/and situation) I am now an empty nester and I am actually not sure how long I will stay or if I will return to renting.
That's my little 2 cents on this topic. And I've never commented before but have loved your blog since the beginning. The way you write is calming and I appreciate your outlook on life. You share information but never expect that there is one way, approach, etc. to do life 'the right way'. Thanks for being you!
Michelle
Yes! I was initially angry that I had to be the one to find a place to live, but ultimately, I am grateful. That house was full of too many traumatic memories and it has been so lovely to be in a place where nothing traumatic has happened.
And thank you for your encouraging words; it makes me so happy when people tell me their experience here is calming. 🙂
First time commenter, long time reader. I’m so glad to see the “rent is throwing money away” idea put to the test in a blog about frugal living. We’ve rented in a very expensive city for 13 years and we were homeowners in our former city. For many reason you mentioned above, it makes so much more sense to rent than buy, particularly that we live in a neighborhood we could never own a home in. We’ve run the numbers many times and with the price to rent ratio being what it is here plus tech related housing inflation, we choose invest a lot of extra money + travel + enjoy our lives with the money we would spend on a mortgage/association fees/repairs/etc. I applaud you for your reframe (and also understand the feeling of going backward in life stages.) Brava on your courage and all you’ve been through to get to your rental house!
Renting is actually a goal of ours after owning homes for four decades. We purchased our current home two years ago and have spent an embarrassing amount of money in that time to fix, replace, update, improve and decorate. Luckily, we really love our home, neighborhood and life here because we won't be able to sell our home for what we've put into it (and that's OK). But we joke that we need to move before one or both of the unique-sized refrigerator/freezer and wall oven conk out (previous owner spent $$$ on these) and street improvements are assessed. Whenever I see photos of Kristen's beautiful rental, I think, "I'd love to rent a home as nice as this." The national rental association should pay Kristen for the great PR!
@MB in MN, I forgot to say that I don't think paying rent is throwing away money. I think it's smart.
First, thank you for this post. I'll be turning 40 next year and have never owned a home. I always feel like I'm not providing enough for my kids because we rent. I was born and raised in L.A. and still live here. One of the things I am grateful that the city has to offer is rent control. I know exactly how much my rent will go up every year and for that I am grateful. About two year ago my in-laws separated and sold their home. My mother in-law would always say she was "wasting money" when she was renting. About 8 months ago my in-laws moved in together again because of that very reason. They didn't want to "waste money" on the separate rent they were paying, but they're miserable together. I'd rather be happy in an apartment than be in a "situationship" just avoid "wasting rent".
@Vivian, my city has rent control, too. I love it and it certainly keeps us in our apartment and our city.
I'm an owner/renter. I own my tuna can as I affectionately call my 1979 single wide 840 sq foot trailer. Valued at just south of $9,000. Fancy she is not! More of a second hand rose. I rent the lot in the retirement park. With that comes a clubhouse with activies from 8 to 8 (or later) 7 days a week, 365 days a year. 2 swimming pools, hot tub, and other outdoor amenities. Most important to me is the COMMUNITY. I really struggled with adjusting. It was not an easy move. I miss drywall, walls with insulation, double pane windows, and a dishwasher. But the good vastly out weighs the annoying. I count myself as blessed, and God led me here fo a reason. <3
Our rent is freeing us from yard and home maintenance. We get to play when we used to have to work on those things.
I just want to say... I'm so sorry you felt that you were returning to a prison. And I'm so glad you have a happy, peaceful home now.
Committing to a mortgage (15 or 30 year, if you opted for a 50 I'd be reading you the riot act with numbers) is a big deal. IMHO, you're one of the rare person who found a stellar rental with a non-slum lord. I don't know what you pay in rent but if nothing else, no maintenance, property taxes nor homeowner's insurance (I hope you have renter's insurance). It is likely a wash to pay rent versus the additional costs of home ownership. And hey, you have the luxury of (at least some) time to decide your next abode.
I rented until I was 45, when I got married. Now, my husband and I own a home together. Renting bought me time to pay off all debt and build up an emergency fund. A huge blessing during 6 of my last 7 years as a tenant was to have a landlady who had a policy of never raising rent if one paid on time. By the time I moved out of that rental, I was paying about $450-500 under market value.
I am a life-long renter. When I was younger I assumed I would eventually buy a house. However as a single person I don't need a big space and most houses in my area are way too big for one person. I have a great rental situation: a basement suite with a view, across the road from my work, semi-rural with a yard I can be out in, no snow removal or yard maintenance, no home maintenance costs, in-home laundry, reasonable rent, and great landlords. Since I didn't get into home ownership early, I don't have a lot of fix-it skills. I hope to be able to keep renting, but I hope I don't end up regretting it later.
I haven't been a renter since 1988 (!) but I remember it well. One of the biggest benefits was having someone else come replace/repair things gone wrong. Paying a house note makes me feel like I'm paying rent...but until interest rates go down, I will stay in my house even though it is a little too big for only me. A bonus is that when disaster strikes, they can come stay with me for awhile. (my 2nd son came back for 2 years) All four of my kids pay rent and only one of them are in a financial position to buy a house right now. Since they are all single and young, it works for them. So, renting is not a waste if its a necessity and you feel safe and comfortable where you are!
It seems that renting (and your particular rental situation) is perfect at this stage of your life. Flexibility and having choices are certainly worth $$$.
And so is not having to worry about paying for home repairs!
My son is financially secure and could easily buy a house but has no desire to be a homeowner. He loves the freedom from yard work, household repairs and ever rising property tax. He loves knowing he is not tied down and can easily move around without having to worry about selling his home. The convenience of renting overrides the feeling of the money being wasted. As my husband and I age we are wondering if renting might be a better option for us in light of all the things I just mentioned. It is something we think about often.
Ah, yes, renting v owning. I was fortunate enough to be able to buy a lovely flat at a very young age due to an inheritance from my beloved granny - and it was a STRETCH, it made it ''doable'' but not super easy - and I lived very happily in that flat, with a roommate and later my boyfriend who became my husband, for years. We brought our first baby home to that flat. Then, we rented out that flat, became landlords, emigrated back to our home country and...stayed with family / rented for a year in an area we thought we might want to buy in ... and at the end of that time, realised where we REALLY wanted to be located and bought there instead. There we lived, adding more kids and absolutely loving our home, investing in it, loving the community, we were really happy, never happier for a solid 14-15 years
BUT THEN we realised we needed to move back to where we'd been before - different exact location, the flat we still owned was not a suitable place for us to live - and so we sadly sold our forever family home and rented once more. During that 2 year rental, we fell in love with where we now live and managed to stretch to afford to buy a house 2 roads up (much more modest than the rental, ha!) and now... THIS is our ''forever'' home. We gladly sold the flat - it was getting to be a bit of a headache - and were privileged and fortunate to make a decent return, but the reason I bought it in the first place, way back when... was that I was able to buy somewhere to live. Yes, of course it's a good idea to get somewhere in an area that will appreciate, no doubt, but I'm not a property guru and the purpose was as my home, which it was for nearly a decade.
The point of this rather rambling essay is that life takes all kinds of twists and turns and stuff happens. ''It's only bricks and mortar'' is the thing. You will make your home wherever you are because that's who you are and that will be expressed in how you live. Even when you had absolutely no money at all, your home was pleasant and comfortable and pretty, right? I've seen people in literal grinding poverty whose homes are so practical and nice and clean and have a good atmosphere. Yes, yes, the couch is shabby and not one plate matches, but... so? You will always find the upside to wherever you are. Being a tenant for us when we re-emigrated was such a huge boon. Of all the things we had to fuss over and work out, house admin was not a thing. Occasionally we ran a lawnmower over the garden and did the odd bit of tidying up to suit ourselves, but that was IT. What a great life!
I would like to add one more major way your rent is benefiting you - you’re NOT HOMELESS!! I am not sure whether you are living in a typically high-cost or low-cost area of the country, but I grew up in a low-cost area, and not owning a home as an adult also seemed like “you hadn’t quite arrived.” But when I moved to a high cost area of the country, I learned it was typical for adults in their 30s and 40s to still rent, even though many also owned homes. But in addition,where I live, there is a very high prevalence of homelessness, and a lot of that is because of unskilled workers being priced out of the rental market completely. While there are many reasons for this, and ultimately, everyone is responsible for themselves, every night I have a roof over my head, I am extremely grateful to not be in those people‘s position.
Yes, I am so grateful for my cozy home!
What a week for you to put up this posting. I fully understand the stress of buying as I am presently in the throws of moving towards a closing in a week.
I am moving out of my home of 35 years, having actually sold it 12 years ago. Looking has been very difficult as there were certain criteria--smallish, first floor bed/bath for spouse, convenient to get into/parking to entry for spouse. There were no rental opportunities. Apartments are not convenient--especially parking, entry convenience, and the costs are high in our area, they charge parking fees, the rents go up every year
I finally found something reasonably satisfactory within the constraints of our budget, not the area I was expecting to move to but relatively convenient to my part time job that I don't want to give up and near my friends but a little bit farther away from my family; but now as we enter the final stages of closing I am seeing online possibly better options. Maybe they are, maybe they are not. I am hoping this benefits my spouse.
Okay--I have released all of my angst. Thanks.
Sending you a hug! Buying a house can be so stressful, and same for moving. I hope it all goes smoothly for you!
Here is my point of view: You are saving yourself a TON OF MONEY by NOT buying right now.Since your future,with empty nesting and multiple life opportunities (travel nursing! A condo? A house? another rental in somewhere new that you don’t even know about yet..) is very flexible and unpredictable, in a GOOD WAY! — a purchase NOW would tie you to whatever the market is at the time you want to make a change..and you could lose time, money and your mind,lol!!! Property is NOT a liquid asset.
Also a move in stressful, and expensive.For the first time in a while, you have a bit more EASE with money,don’t you?? ENJOY IT!!!!
Right now you have a lot of GOOD STUFF on your plate: A GREAT NEW JOB! FREEDOM! SAFETY! A daughter you enjoy sharing space with ! Two cute kitties! A new car on the horizon! Maybe a few trips and splurges?? YOU DESERVE TO ENJOY AND SAVOR ALL OF THIS!!
(Plus, you have the BSN course on your plate as well..)
I’d say just SINK INTO THE MOMENTS OF NOW.. BE HERE NOW! MINDFULLNESS. ENJOY THE HECK out of your current situation and put all thoughts of moving or buying a home out of your head.
In a couple of years,so much may be different! THEN you will know JUST WHAT TO DO!
For now,LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH (I mean, house!!)
HUGS!
Yep! It's the right choice for me for right now. 🙂
inmho once again you are too hard on yourself. i am 71 and have always lived in an apt. growing up i had my own room which my two teens have never had. i am sorry i can't give them their own rooms. can't give them air conditioning either. but we love each other and i think we are happy. a house in constant repair and upgrade this, upgrade that. and how the heck do you find a decent, honest repairman. lots of luck. in my apt when something needs repair i call or test service, and they come fix it. i give them a $5 tip and they are happy. i am happy too. the one bad thing is i have never had a second bathroom.
This week, I am thankful…
- Employees from the one main medical system in town donated over 400 turkeys and 700 hams to help feed local families!
- We had some cold days this week and I got the pilot light going in my fireplace. I enjoyed some cozy time on the couch.
- My dog recovered fairly quickly. He had gobbled up a super hot sausage my son accidentally dropped out of the microwave. This caused my poor dog to vomit several times over the course of two hours. Our house is typically pretty cold, so I made use of the fireplace again so he could be cozy as he got a long much needed nap.
- I found more evidence that a company did, in fact, receive my mailed in return. Someone messed up something in their computer system and it’s been a battle to get anyone there to listen. I’m now waiting for their response to the last documents I sent, but it’s nice to have something more concrete to show.
- Everyday I’m grateful that my family has access and the means to pay for all the necessities of life.
@JenRR, Sorry, this is showing up as the most recent post for some reason, and I accidentally posted this here.
Thank you for this article. I am in a divorce as I write this. I’ve been in the house my kids were raised in, worked the one-acre land, gardened and so on. I’m leaving the area with my church, my life. I have prayed so much about the unknowns. Thank you for writing this article. God used you to answer my deepest prayer. Thank you
Oh, I am so sorry you are walking this path. Sending you a hug. Hang in there; it gets better.
Don't give finances more weight than they deserve. We rented for all the years my husband was in graduate school and during two postdoctoral research positions, nine years. We were both working very long hours and had no money, so buying a house in expensive locations (Seattle, Santa Barbara CA, and Los Alamos NM) was simply not possible anyway. One of the benefits of renting was living with all kinds of choices that we didn't have to commit to, and when we did buy our first home in Ohio, we had experience to choose what was important to us. It has been a good investment financially both ways--his degree and our shared hard work have given us stability, and our rental experiences gave us experience we wouldn't otherwise have had. We also learned about moving, and housing laws, as our apartment in SB turned out to be owned by a notorious local slumlord. It would have been so much harder if we had been new homeowners.
You are right about adult markers, however, but every generation has different ones. I have no regrets about our choice to invest in our education, in spite of the snarky remarks of some relatives, and the painful experience of seeing others "achieve" what we could not at the time. Many of our friends and relatives who did buy homes then had substantial financial assistance, however, and we were on our own. If you peg all your life onto your bank account you turn into a Scrooge. You have invested in your nursing and college education, and for now, your rental gives you a comfortable, well located home with good neighbors and a responsible landlord. Time to rejoice! You are also fortunate to have a good quality rental. Some of ours were not, and I love the better quality of our own home especially as, now that I am retired, I spend more time in it!
Oh I just love this post, Kristen. So very happy for you.
I've always thought of renting as more of a lifestyle decision than a financial one. I've owned a house now for many years, and it has worked out well for us, but I also don't regret the time I spent in little apartments as a new grad, a young woman, and then as a newlywed. It gave us time to save up a down payment and decide exactly what we wanted in a house so that we knew the right one when we found it. There's plenty of money that a homeowner "throws away," too, starting with mortgage interest, which is most of the payment when you start paying a mortgage! And yeah, all the money we've spent on repairs and replacing things adds to the value of the house, but then it also all degrades over time, so everything will need to be replaced or repaired again eventually. Taxes and insurance are ever-increasing expenses. Kristen, one of the things I've learned from you is that our circumstances can and will change, but the attitudes and outlooks we build inside ourselves can carry us through the good and the bad.
Your rental appears adorable! It is a blessing to have your own home. Allowing your girls to come over and stay if needed. You are providing stability for Zoe! What a blessing. Im so glad your home is a secure blanket!
I think renting is right for you right now. Can you imagine having to buy a new washing machine or HVAC while attending school or just starting your job. Right now home maintenance is not your monkey and not your circus.
I’ve moved 3 times since my divorce. I don’t want to have to fix up a house, I’ve done that. I’ve found that I have cleaned out and downsized with each move keeping in mind that I may have to downsize again. I am in a smaller place than our house but it is mine and I feel safe. This works for me and is a blessing.
i always felt renting was just throwing money away bc if you do choose to look for a home to buy you have no money around to put down (unless you borrow - but is that frugal?
how bout a rent to buy small cottage or bungalow - also there are so many nice mobil homes today. just a thought!
There are reason to rent and reasons to buy. It all depends on the situation each person has. Sounds like you have hit upon perfect situation for yourself right now. There's just nothing like the contentment found in being in the right situation for the time.
Well, you never know. Life circumstances could suddenly change with your landlord and they could need to sell. If so, you will be well-positioned to make an offer.
Renting is sometimes the best option for different phases of life. In some places (cities) it is the only real option.
I enjoy your blog. It is nice to read about the comforting details of ordinary life and your calm way of solving problems.
Aww, that is a nice compliment. I'm so glad you find it comforting to visit here!
I have a unusual take on renting vs buying. I own my manufactured home free and clear but since it's located in a manufactured home park I do pay space rent (ie I do not own the property on which the home sits). Every now and then for shits and giggles i check out rents in this town--for what I have now (2 bedroom 2 bathroom at currently $575 per month--this includes garbage and water, and the managers will help with minor things like doors being stuck, locking yourself out, etc). Even with maintenance, appliance repair/replacement, renovations (last year was exterior painting and the rebuild of a deck--rotten to the core that thing was LOL), property taxes, etc it is MUCH CHEAPER to live here than even in a studio apartment which usually starts around $650.00). Yes there are expenses that I have to cover like yawn maintenance--my park manager (now retired but still living in the park) does everything yard related for $50.00 per week. Park management also keeps an eye on me (I live alone) and on my house when I am out of town. Also, I have a cat (I've had up to 4 cats) and finding an apartment here that accepts pets (with or without a pet fee) is very difficult. Houses for rent or sale in this town are even worse in terms of money. It's a college town, it's a resort town (Mt Bachelor is 'just up the road"), it's a tourism town, and there's a high number of retired people who can afford what I consider outrageous prices either for renting or buying. For me space rent, handymen, and property taxes are simply the price I pay for privacy and a roof over my head that I own
I just realized something---this is only the THIRD house I've lived in my entire life (and I just turned 66 10 days ago). It is also the ONLY place I've ever owned, the first house was the house my parents owned which was sold when I was about 15; the second house was owned by my mother and stepfather (I moved out in 1982 with no regrets at all). Every other 'housing situation' has been a roommate situation, an apartment, or a dorm room at college. I much prefer this house over any or all of the other situations, being able to come in the door and throw off whatever followed me from work or other situations is beyond PRICELESS. Space rent or not, this house is a blessing!!
If a was a single lady, I would totally rent. And just a small apartment, not a house.
I am married and a house was a top priority for my husband, so we now own the house (paid mortgage), but it was not my preference.
While I am grateful to have a house to raise my family in, I would not be willing to take care of it on my own. Being a homeowner is stressful to me, it's too unpredictable.
I would love to just hand out my rent money and have zero of the responsibilities that comes with owning a house. When we add up the mortgage cost, repairs, insurances, taxes, maintenance fees, etc, I'm not sure it's that much more financially sound at the end of the day to have a house versus a rental. It's also about the peace of mind, for me : renting = you know what the cost is. Owning = always at the mercy of whatever can happens/will be needed.