How (and why!) we do takeout date nights
I'm writing this post because I'm always putting "takeout date night" on my menu plan, and I keep wishing I had something to link to that explains our practice and answer the questions people often have about it.
As those of you with kids know, date nights with babysitters can be kind of expensive, especially if you have multiple kids. And even for people with no kids, eating out at a restaurant can be pretty pricey. Fun, yes. Frugal, no.
So, every Friday night right now, we have a takeout date night right here at home. These nights require no babysitting and since we provide our own drinks and don't need to tip, our meal is cheaper than it would be at a restaurant.
Here's how we make this work for us.
On Fridays, I feed the kids a slightly earlier dinner than usual. This meal is always something very, very easy...sometimes it's mac and cheese, sometimes it's leftovers, and sometimes it's a snacky type of meal, made up of popcorn, cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes, cherries, watermelon, cheese, yogurt, nuts and other similar foods (they love this option!).
The main requirement for their dinner is that it be something simple because if I had to cook a full-on meal for them, a takeout night wouldn't be much of a break for me.
While the kids eat their dinner, we place an order from somewhere nearby. Our budget is $20 for the two of us, so we can't do anything extravagant, but we can manage to provide ourselves with a decent meal.
We often get our dinner from a local seafood place, but we also do subs, Mexican food, Five Guys, sushi, or soup.
While he picks up the food, the kids and I clean up their dinner and Sonia and Zoe get their PJs on and brush their teeth.
When our food arrives, the kids all head back to the bedroom with the TV, where we let them watch cartoons or play video games to their heart's content. Normally their TV/video game time is limited, so they think this is great!
We usually have about an hour and a half to eat our dinner and chat before it's time to put Sonia and Zoe into bed.
I highly recommend this practice to you if going-out date nights are out of your budget.
And if even a takeout night is too expensive for you, you could just make a simple meal to eat with your love (a dinner of PBJ sandwiches may feel special if you're the only diners at the table!).
And now, here are a few questions people typically have about our date nights.
Do you ever go out on real dates?
We do, but the cost of a babysitter keeps us from doing that on a regular basis (I can usually manage to get a pretty cheap meal by using Groupons or gift cards from our credit card rewards, but there's no discount system for babysitters!).
However, I see that changing in the next couple of years because in not too long, we'll be able to leave the kids home by themselves for at least a short while (woohoo!).
We do sometimes swap babysitting with other couple friends of ours, and that works pretty well...we both get a night out without having to pay for any babysitting.
Do your kids mind that you're eating takeout when they're not?
Not generally. They usually like what I make for them on Friday nights, and they understand that kids don't always get everything that adults do. 🙂
Plus, the things we order are sometimes things they don't want to eat anyway (none of them ever want my salad from Chipotle!).
How do you get your kids to leave you alone?
We tell them that their job is to hang out in the big bedroom until we're done eating, and they're usually pretty good about obeying that rule. Occasionally Sonia or Zoe will come out, but we just send them right back. 😉
If we had a baby or a toddler, this routine wouldn't work, but all of our kids are old enough to watch a movie or play a game without direct supervision.
(incidentally, if you've got younger kids, consider putting them to bed a bit early so that you can have a slightly late, but peaceful dinner with your spouse.)
Do your kids feel left out?
I don't think they do...most every other night of the week, we eat dinner together, clean up together, and have family worship together, so our normal evenings are filled with togetherness.
P.S. I have to give my parents credit for the inspiration for this at-home date night idea. When my siblings and I were kids, my parents ate a late dinner by themselves most Friday nights and my siblings and I entertained ourselves up in our bedrooms. I never remember minding this and in fact, I remember my sister and I having some fun times in our room together on Friday nights.
So, how do you manage to fit date nights into your budget? If you've got some good tips, share them in the comments and help out the rest of my readers!
I love that you make this a priority!
We don't do weekly date nights, we send our kids to grammum's and pop's about once a month for a sleepover. We started doing this regularly last year, around our 10 year anniversary and we realized that it was very good for our marriage 😉 And the kids have a blast at their grandparents' house.
My parents did this when I was growing up, starting when my sister was 7, I was 5, and my brother was 1 (my sister was a very mature 7 and was able to "babysit" in this way.) My mom would feed us early, and then she and my dad would eat steak, salad, and split a coca-cola. We would be required to remain in our room playing unless someone was on fire or bleeding, which I do not remember resenting. I mean, we were having fun in there, after all. After dinner, they would watch a grown-up movie together (not XXX, just not rated G either.) When they turned their movie on, I would sneak out and steal my dad's steak leftovers- he always left so much meat around the bones! Once my father caught me hiding under the table, gnawing on his steak-bone. He thought this was hilarious and promptly nicknamed me T-Bone, which has stuck to this day.
We've done this sort of thing over the years too. It really is a blessing to both parents and kids. Both groups come back together refreshed by time apart. Sounds weird, but it's true! For those with a less flexible schedule, even a special dessert together after the kids are in bed is good for the soul. One key factor, ignore all electronic forms of communication during this brief interlude. Intrusions are so prevalent and almost accepted that it is a priority to refuse to let the seemingly urgent crowd out the more important. Relationships are more important than a FB update. (This is obviously with the foot note that true emergencies trump everything!)
I love the special dessert idea!! That would be cheaper, too, than a whole take out meal. Although you might have to keep it hidden from kids since I'm sure they would be more interested in a yummy dessert than a Chipotle salad!
We have done date nigts at home for years. Mostly, it started out as bill paying night and we just took it a step further. The kids were great about our time alone together as they got some as well. They would set up a snacky dinner in our room, where the tv was, pick out their own movie, and have a blast of their own. We would rent a movie or pick something on netflix for our own enjoyment. As the kids aged, so did our dates. We were now able to leave the house and they didn't have to stay in the bedroom. we would eat dinner together as a family, then we would leave the house for a-wandering around somewhere, a sit down at the park or a movie of our own. With dietary issues, take-out or eating out is usually a big issue, so we just don't. We might still eat different dinners.
This is a nice idea! My husband and I should definitely do something like this. Since I like to cook and only have to do it 1-2 times a week a nicer homemade meal made by me (my DH usually cooks since he's home much earlier than I am) and a simpler, less expensive fare for the kids would work best. My kids beg for canned Speghetti-O's and boxed Mac-n-Cheese, so this would be a real treat for them too!
Well, as I'm due with our first less than 3 months after my husband returns home from Iraq, this has been a big topic between us. One of our biggest downfalls when it was just us two was really making a special date night occasionally. We had plans to have one every Friday once he returned, so when we found out we were pregnant it was a bit of a wrench in everything! But what we decided to do (once we feel comfortable leaving the baby with some friends for an hour or so), was to make every other week a date night in, and every other week a date night out. (I have a feeling this will turn into a date night out once a month, actually, but we'll see.) This way we don't run up a huge babysitting bill (my friends aren't wanting to charge me, because they're a bit baby happy, but I'm insisting I either pay them something or get them dinner, because I know they're on a budget too...I love friends!), but still have a date night out occasionally (allowing us to kind of have a moments peace).
Date nights can be a meal out, or a meal in, and going out for ice cream after. I think the biggest thing is what you've pointed out--- to make your marriage a priority both for the two of you, and also for your children. We've discussed that when they're really little this won't be hard to do because we eat so late, we probably won't eat until they're down for the night anyway, but that it's important to maintain a healthy happy marriage even when the scheduling changes up a bit!
We've been doing dine-in date nights since 2001 and what we eat has evolved through those years. The biggest part of date night is my husband does the cooking.. We have 8 children and I cook every other meal of the week except for Friday nights where he insists that he "blesses" me. He loves it too and has become quite the grill chef! We buy a $50 tenderloin from Costco and my husband cuts it into steaks to last the month and we have homemade french fries to go with it. We also start out the night with jalapeno poppers for an appetizer. It costs less than $20 per Friday and we've had the best of times dating together at home.
Even though our oldest 2 children are of babysitting ages we still prefer to dine in. They don't mind eating a meal on their own and in fact they cook the meal for themselves. Typically this involves macaroni and cheese, pizza, and chocolate milk.. Oh yeah, count the carbs and the packaging, but Friday night is all about letting our hair down and keeping our marriage and family cemented with fun and communication! The kids play games, watch movies, etc. while we "date." Did I mention the kids also call it their "date night."
We sometimes have little visitors (read kids) coming in for a bite or to see how we are and because we have just had a baby we have a constant little pair of eyes watching us from her bounce seat while we eat.. We just love it. Anyway, we really believe that we're setting a beautiful example for our children of a healthy part of marriage and that is time together as a married couple serving each other despite how busy life is or how many kids you have.
Thank you so much for this post. With a very small child, two jobs and taking care of two aging parents we're really struggling right now to make each other a priority. I now realize I don't need to work harder-just smarter.
you are such a clever girl.. great idea and time well spent.I think its important also that kids see their mum and Dad love each other, good role models,,and spending time with each other rejuvenates your relationship,,good for you,, (I sound like a mum right) well I'm your mums age,, ha ha,,
Top photo dinner....Five Guys?
Yes, Ma'am, it is!
My daughter is old enough to tend her two younger siblings, so now DH and I can go out to eat. We have several local inexpensive restaurants that we like to go to. We save money by drinking water and not ordering dessert (if we are craving a sweet after the meal, we have a local ice cream shop that sells scoops for $1.00). We budget date night into our monthly expenses. Now that our kids are older date night is about the only time we can sit and talk about areas of concern,and just life in general. I look forward to Friday night all week.
Summer is much too busy for us to drive all the way to the city to eat out (40 miles roundtrip), as we work outside as long as it's light. But the pace slows more in the winter, allowing us to occasionally go out to dinner when our son goes to bed at seven, leaving my mother--in-law in charge. We're lucky enough to have her in residence. She's not home very often, but on the rare nights when she is home, we try to get out, even if just to the pizza place in the next village over. It's pretty rare for us to drive into the city to an actual restaurant, which makes it easier to reign in the eating-out costs and also much more of a treat when we manage it.
We don't do anything regularly, though. Our lifestyle just doesn't lend itself to that.
I am a single gal with no kids (and have no desire to change this part of my lifestyle) but I have always liked your date night. I think you are right in that parents set a good example by showing their kids they need time alone. It shows children that their partners are important and number one also. You are growing nuturing kids that will respect and treasure their partners. Trust me, I know what it is like to see parents who do the exact opposite of you and the results. It is nice to read about people who care about their husband/wife.
We don't have kids, but I clearly remember my mom and dad doing this when I was growing up. My mom would make us tacos or even pancakes for dinner. Then she and my dad would have a candlelight dinner for two. I think it's a terrific thing to do!
"Mr. FG and I firmly believe that a healthy marriage is a gift to our children..." I couldn't agree more. Last night, we decided that we want to start trying to have a baby (our first!!!) in the next year. I look forward to being able to share our happy foundation with that child and showing him/her what a happy marriage looks like...and of course, sharing the Reason why we're so happy to begin with. 🙂
As always, thanks for sharing your wonderful blog with us!
We do this also but probably not on a weekly basis, more like twice a month. We put our youngest to bed (she's 5) and the oldest stays in his room and reads or builds Legos and we have a late dinner together. It's often Chinese take out because as much as I like Chinese food I make at home, nothing I do makes it taste as good as our local Chinese place! Sometimes we will cook something easy - like grill steaks and have a loaf of french bread and salad with it. As long as it's easy and doesn't require much clean up I don't mind cooking at home on date night. I feed the kids something they like before bed like pizza or sometimes I have even bought them McD's which they think is a huge treat since we don't normally eat there!
I love your idea! We don't usually leave our 3 year old daughter with any one because of cost, but mostly because we're just very protective. We do leave her with her grandparents, but they both live out of the country, so whenever one of them is here (usually happens about once a year) we take advantage of that and go out. And they don't charge. 🙂
My parents used to go on walks together in the evenings. This was of course when we were old enough to be by ourselves, but it gave them a chance to exercise and talk by themselves.
It was great to hear how you do it Kristen! We do a similar thing every Friday. Except we get the kids to bed and eat quite late. If I have no potential waste to use up then its a takeaway, but if I have food to use up them I have to make something, so the incentive is very much there for me to clear the fridge. The last question you get asked really made me laugh. 'Do your kids feel left out?' - Boy if your home is anything like mine my life revolves around the kids, so for one evening to have some time with the Hubby is a big thing - probably the only time we have a proper conversation!
Exactly. They're not even close to being short on time spent with us, so I'm not at all worried that 1-2 hours a week for a date night is going to be bad for them.
We do a simular thing. I usally make a special dinner and we watch a movie. We cuddle on the couch and just enjoy our time together. My kids are older teens, and we could go out to a nice restaurant, but it makes me sick to know that I could make the same thing cheaper. Besides, I like knowing what is in my food...
Keep up the good work!
Our kids are still little, so we put them to bed before date night. I can't wait until they are a bit older and we can do what you do. Do your kids ever start squabbling in the other room and you have to intercede? (That's what I could see my kids doing. :)) I agree with you about babysitting costs. I wouldn't have much fun out if I knew I was spending $10 to $15 an hour for a babysitter.
We don't have enough money in our budget for weekly takeout (when we do get a bit extra, our favorite is Chipotle!), but I know that when we do...and when we do have kids...we will most definitely be using this awesome date night idea.
For now, our date nights are pizza and a movie. We love love love good pizza, so Brett makes it on my homemade dough (lots of mushrooms, basil, mozzerella, etc.!) (I make one big batch once a month, freeze it, then pull one out every Thursday night to thaw), and we usually snuggle up on the couch with a bit of wine and a netflix. It's the best part of the week and it's almost completely free!
My husband and I love to cook and eat appetizers, so we put the kids to bed (ages 6,5, and 3 1/2) and have a late dinner of marinated mushrooms, bruschetta, smoked salmon with cream cheese and red onion on crusty homemade bread, speciality cheese, etc. We get to try out simple recipes kids may not enjoy, have time together and sometimes watch a movie. We are a little less regular about our date nights, but love when we have time to do it. The only time we really go out for a date is our anniversary.
Thanks for this super-clear advice about how to do a date night! What a great planner you are! I learn a lot from you. THANK YOU for writing this blog. It has truly made my life better. This is your ministry!
My husband and I have legal guardianship of our granddaughter, but we are very fortunate that her mother (my daughter) is still a big part of her life. Kat goes to my daughter's house for the weekend every other weekend. So, we have a built in block of time every two weeks for "dates". Our dates are typically daytime events where we go out to garage sales or other bargain venues, go visit friends, go out for lunch, etc. Sometimes our lunches are mystery shops, so we get our meal free or even get paid to eat. Other times we stay home and eat, cooking foods that Kat doesn't care for, like shrimp or spicy dishes.
We do have date night once a month, a little more often during semester breaks. We do leave the house because we do enjoy a variety of things like going to performances at our local county parks or at the theater. We even just like to go hang out in one of our local waterfront cities and get ice cream from the local proprietor (yep! That was dinner one night. not the healthiest, but we were happy.)
But yes, happy parents are good parents. And as I tell my son, "The more time I spend away from you, the more I love and appreciate you." That probably sounds bad, but when I get some time away, I tend to value and appreciate the time I do spend with him. Know what I mean?
We don't have a date night and we have 2 kiddos and a third on the way! When my kiddos were smaller, grandparents lived real close. Now they live a few states away. Now my husband is a truck driver so we rarely have a full family dinner. But on the brighter side we do always on the weekend! Especially on Saturday brunch times! After we all eat together the kids tend to run downstairs and play while daddy and I enjoy our cup of coffee (which we always save for last) and talk to our hearts content! We always talk on the phone through-out the day but face to face is so much better! 🙂 We kinda just let this happen, we never planned it!
When my husband and I first married we had the black/blue/red rule on Friday evenings. We'd take supper into the den (the kids had theirs in the dining room) and as long as no one had a bruise or was bleeding they weren't allowed to interrupt us. It was the only thing that kept us sane in a whirlwind life of two jobs, full time school for him, five kids and a small house, lol.
I'm sure this is an American idea, regular date nights! but something well worth taken on!! (didn't really implement this until my BIL from America came into our lives!!). On Friday night or Saturday our girls (9-3) eat leftovers, or cereal for dinner and then go to bed early. The older girls are allowed to read in their bed. I usually make us a nice meal including steak or some sort of pasta. A good time to catch up with each other while we have no 'ears' listening to our every word!
My husband and I used to have movie nights together when the kids were younger. We would set the kids up in their room with a special movie (usually from the library) and some special snacks, and we would hide out in the living room with a movie, bottle of wine and adult snacks like bread and pate and cheese. We would get to watch a grown up film, without the cost of the theatre and expensive popcorn, and the kids would get their special movie time too. Definitely a lot cheaper than having a babysitter and paying for a meal out! Even now, after dinner is cleaned up, my husband and I sit and have our coffee and tea together for 1/2 hour and the kids know not to bother us. A happy marriage is definitely the best gift you can ever give your children.
When my kids were 1 1/2 and almost 4 we moved clear across the country and away from all our friends and families....this is about 17 years ago. We all ate as a family every night then spend time with them, bath and off to bed by 8o'clock. My husband and I would sit around with a cup of coffee and talk sometimes until 11o'clock at night at least 3 nights a week. It was wonderful for our marriage just to have the time to be together. We are a week away from our 21st wedding anniversary too. I've seen to many marriages split up after the kids are all grown up because Dad went to work everyday and Mom got so involved with the kids, school, pta etc. that they forgot how to be a couple.
I love that you do this! I think the trick here is that you make it every Friday night - so it becomes like a routine. And I think the kids would love it! I bet they enjoy having special bonding time together and getting to play and muck around without adult eyes on them. Healthy for all!
I like to take them with me. I feel like it is unfair if I do not include them. Some places have kids eat free night. I like those places. Your idea is nice too but, I prefer to go out with them. The free food makes up for the tip, then no clean up, no dishes and lots of fun for us.
It is so incredibly hard for me to understand this perspective- that it is "not fair" to not include children in a date night. I guess, from my perspective, children don't have a "right" to be included in the first place. Date night is about the romantic, emotional, mental, and physical relationship between two adults in a marriage (in this case). If they were, say, celebrating Mr. FG's birthday and didn't let the kids have cake, or go to the restaurant, I could see how that might make the kids feel left out. But the kids are a *result* of the marital relationship, and as Kristen said, that relationship's strength is incredibly valuable to the children in creating a happy, healthy home. It would be, to me, like saying "it's not fair that we didn't take the kids on our second honeymoon" or "it's not fair that we didn't take the kids to a romantic dinner on our anniversary". I'm not trying to be combative- to each their own, opinions aren't facts 🙂 - it's just that most times when people say it's not fair, or leaves the kids out, etc. it's just so very hard for me to understand that perspective. Especially considering the fact that Kristen is a stay at home, homeschooling mother- here children are with her *constantly*. An hour and a half a week is so little in the grand scheme of things as to be negligible to the kids, but extremely valuable to her and her relationship. I suppose I have this perspective though, because all of my friends with kids are adamant about time away with their partners as well, and have emphasized "I love my kids, but that doesn't mean I have to love being with them 24-7".
Yes, I think it's a matter of balance. If Mr. FG and I only ever went away by ourselves and never took the kids on an overnight trip, then I could see them feeling left out. But when we go away on vacation with them for two weeks each year and only have one or two overnights by ourselves each year, they can't reasonably* feel left out.
*I say reasonably, because some children who are a little on the spoiled side will feel left out and crabby if they don't get to do absolutely everything they want. If one of my children tended towards that, I would think that their unreasonableness would need to be addressed, not that I would need to stop having dates or overnights.
I totally agree with spouses having time alone together. It is very important for the health of the marriage, which in turn affects the health of the family. Chiuldren who feel "left out" of a date night need to learn that life is not all about them! Each person in a family has needs, including the parents, and at different times, each need will be addressed and someone might have to "wait" for whatever they want themselves. These are good lessons for children to learn early on and speaking as a mother of grown children, I know how easy it is to let that feeling of "not wanting to leave them out" creep into decisions. We love our kids and enjoy having them around! But just as each child benefits from one on one time occasionally, so does a a spouse 🙂 and kids need to learn that the relationship between their parents is priority.
Amen to the need for parents to prioritize their relationship and have alone time! It is absolutely essential that your relationship is taken care of, otherwise, what will it be like when the kids grow up and leave the house? Despite the fact that in some cases the kids won't like it (although I think usually once they are trained to respect our time, they will be fine), it still gives them the important messages that they are not the center of everything (welcome to the real world!), and that mom and dad love each other enough to make their relationship a priority. It actually gives the children great security when they see a strong relationship between their parents.
This was interesting to hear, I was re-discovering your blog some time ago, and did wonder about this. 🙂 We try to go (quite often) once a week for lunch with my husband when possible. Lunch prises are quite ok for testing new restaurants as well. Lunch price for a salad-bread-lunchbuffet-and coffee is about 9 eur/person. 'Julia', northern Europe (alltogether thanks for a great blog!)
When my children were younger, my step-daughters while home from college would stay with the kids so my dh and I would go out once or twice a year. My kids are now 14 and 16 and love to go out to dinner with us and to tell you the truth, I enjoy having dinner with them. I would feel guilty about leaving them at home, eating frozen pizza while I was out eating somewhere nice. I have been married for 20 years and while I can understand why most of you like this idea, I just doesn't seem right for me. Cheryl
I can honestly say that as a teenager, the thought would never have crossed my mind to be upset about staying home and eating pizza while my parents went out. I enjoyed my time hanging out at home alone with my sister watching a movie while our parents went out and had their own time together.
Samantha, I agree! Some of my favorite memories were of times it was just us kids, when we were a bit older, and our parents would go out.
How does your husband feel about this? Honestly, some of the "I would feel guilty if I left my kids out" statements make me wonder if the *husbands* in this equation feel left out. I think, too many times, mothers put their children before their husbands. To say that giving one's husband a few hours week of undivided attention is "unfair to the kids" is really hard for me to understand.
Amen, Cortney. Moms tend to put the kids first because they seem them as more "needy' and their spouses as more able to "wait". That's the part that isn't fair. Husbands lose out here 🙂
My husband and I have been doing date nights every Friday for the last year and it has made a huge difference in our marriage. We don't have a lot of take out options in our small town, and I'm kind of a food snob, so we always cook our own meal together. For us, cooking together is part of the fun! We make something fancy the kids wouldn't enjoy, or try out new recipes or techniques we haven't done before. Tonight we're having crabs legs, grilled asparagus, and twice baked potatoes - yummy!
I think this is an awesome idea and it saves a lot of money. I always adore couples who make time for the two of them. I adore this idea even more because of the creativity behind it and the savings.
Every Thursday, we put the little guy (20 months old) to bed, then one of us goes and gets some little dessert-type treat for two. We've done Starbucks, Friendly's milkshakes (99 cents for a kiddie size!), and Bruster's ice cream (by far the most expensive). It's always under $10, and it makes us feel like we're sharing something special. We then put all the screens and devices away and just talk. Since our little one is in bed at 7:30 (and a fantastic sleeper), we have tons of evening ahead of us.
We do this as well=). Sometimes we'll also get a movie from the library for free. If our budget allows, take out or ice cream, but sometimes, we love to get frozen appetizers from the grocery store=)
As a speed skating coach, I've noticed that while some parents like to watch their kids at sports practice, many often drop them off at the rink and get other things done while the kids are being looked after on the ice - ie. groceries or exercise. The kids are so absorbed in what they are doing that they don't notice the parents are gone. This time could easily be used to go for a walk or grab coffee or have stimulating conversation with your spouse. Or you could even arrange with another family on the same team/in the same lesson to alternate taking the kids to practice - that way you would carpool (and thereby save money on gas and help the environment) and you and your spouse could be home alone for even longer.
Hi! I provided a link to this post on my blog today where I, too, talked about the importance and necessity of couple time in the midst of kid raising. We did a lot of "eating in" too when our kids were little.
One more idea I'm not sure was mentioned.....what about "coffee dates"? It could be at home if the kids are younger, or away if they're old enough to be home alone. We've both made our own coffee to take with us or picked one up and either go for a drive or sit somewhere nice and talk. It's another way to save money and still have time together.
Our other idea is to go out for breakfast. It's one of the cheapest meals, yet we can sit and drink coffee (free refills!), until we are finished talking. 🙂