Finding balance in gift-giving (or, some rambly thoughts from me)
This morning I was reading The Simple Dollar's roundup of Christmas links, many of which were anti-consumer.
Several of his commenters were saying that this anti-consumer thing can be taken way too far, and that you don't have to go whole hog on either shopping or on being nonconsumery.
I totally agree with that idea. I think that presenting the two options as
1) overspending and charging up huge balances on credit cards
2) doing no Christmas shopping (or similarly, giving nothing but homemade gifts)
presents a false dichotomy. I totally think it's possible to strike a happy medium where you buy some presents, make some presents, and still manage to make Christmas more about giving and about spending time together than about shopping. Balance is achievable!
I also think that a store-bought gift can represent as much care and thought as a homemade gift does (honestly, giving the same cookies to everyone on your gift list doesn't require a lot of thought or studying of the person! Not that I condemn the giving of cookies...I'm just saying that homemade presents aren't necessarily more thoughtful than store-bought presents).
I guess I just think that those of us who try to keep consumerism in check need to not be so entirely dismissive of shopping and gift-giving. Broad-brushing and referring to store-bought gifts as "useless crap grabbed off the shelf and Wal-Mart and thoughtlessly stuffed into a gift bag" just isn't really fair. Not every store-bought gift is useless crap and not every store-bought gift is thoughtless.
For example, a couple of years ago, my Christmas present was my first SLR. I'm pretty sure it was the most expensive Christmas gift I've ever received (everyone that normally gives me gifts pitched in to buy it), but in no way did I feel the gift was impersonal.
I was especially very touched that Mr. FG used the money he'd been saving for a laptop to buy my camera (I cried when I opened it, in fact. To this day, Mr. FG considers that to have been quite a triumph because I don't normally cry about presents!). And I think it's safe to say that my camera has been enjoyed and used as much as is humanly possible.
I don't look back at that present and feel disgust that my present was store-bought...quite the opposite. It was thoughtful, it required sacrifice on Mr. FG's part, and the camera is something I treasure and use (and use and use and use and use and use.)
(and use.).
If I had to put it in bullet points, I'd say that responsible, loving Christmas gift giving should be
- paid for with cash (or with a credit card that you will pay off before the due date!)
- thoughtful (you should study the recipient and think about what their passions and interests or needs* are)
*needs should only be taken into consideration when the recipient likes to have gifts that meet their needs in a practical way. I am that sort of person (bring on the cookie sheet and bread pan gifts!) but not everyone is.
- quality (homemade or store-bought, the gift should be well-made and durable, so that it's not going to be thrown away promptly)
Paying for gifts with cash pretty much reduces the possibility of overspending or over consuming, giving gifts with thought keeps you from giving meaningless gifts, and giving only quality gifts keeps you from buying/producing items that are just going to be trash.
What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Have a slightly different take?
Discuss!
Today's 365 post: She's growing up
Ha! For my parents' 60th birthdays (only a few weeks apart from each other), all the kids gave them the presents they've been giving us for years - so my dad got batteries, and mini nestle crunch bars, and lottery tickets, and scotch tape, and my mom got diet coke, and toothbrushes, and bread. I think they liked it. 🙂
And I'm TOTALLY one of those people who want practical gifts. This year I asked for a toothbrush and a cookie scoop. (And I really hope my hubby paid attention...)
Also, I'm really enjoying the stream of consciousness posts.
Oh, good! They're pretty much all I've been able to manage this week and last. lol
Works for me, too. It's a nice change of routine (meaning I enjoy the change and the routine) and a little insight into how you guys think and do things.
I love your attitude on gifts!
I've almost always done a mix of handmade and store-bought gifts. This year, I also tried to encourage both my family and my husband's family to consider used toys, books, and games for my son. One of my mom's friends passed on several used Little People sets in very good condition. I would love for him to receive something like that for a Christmas present, but my dad has a psychological hang-up about used toys, even in great condition. I think it's because his family didn't have much money growing up, so "used" probably meant "not in good shape".
edit: a hang-up about used toys as Christmas or birthday presents, not in general.
I think many people misunderstand the non-consumer stand point. It isn't to not spend anything at all. It's simply to not put yourself in debt for Christmas and it's less about the gift you give and more about the time you spend. That does include the time it takes to pick the gift out as well as the time you spend with your family. For me, many of my gifts are second hand gifts. Some are made. Some are brand spanking new. VERY VERY few of them are purchased during December. I have so many squirreled away in the house now, that I have to hunt down and wrap, I'm sure I'm going to lose a gift or two. But everyone is covered and everyone will like what they get. (I hope!)
Next year will be mostly handmade, but will still be very purchased. I'm making my family quilts. And TRUST me, much of that fabric is expensive! And since these are quilts that go on beds, I need to send out to have them quilted by a long arm quilter. THAT is not cheap either. But I have all year to offset that cost. So it'll all be good. 🙂
How do you keep track of where you keep the presents you get all year long? My mom would always find stuff in July - "oh, here, this was for Christmas..."
I stuff all of mine under my side of the bed. Hee. The kids know that looking under there is strictly forbidden. =P
I also shop a lot during the year, I find many toys new at goodwill and stash them. I try and wrap them as they come, and keep a master list of to whom, what, and wrap descrip, so I remember what is in the box or bag. I have a big Rubbermaid bin in the basement to store them in. It cuts down the wrapping I do in Dec, because my hands get tired very quickly.
I have an unobtrusive cardboard box that I've been using it for years, that gets stuffed in the back of some closet or another.
I completely agree with your viewpoint. Too many people go overboard either way when what is truly needed is balance.
I couldn't agree more! Moderation is the key, but thoughtfulness is what counts. I'm always appreciative when someone gives me a gift that reflects the relationship I have with them and knowledge of who I am. And that's different for every person.
i mostly buy my gifts. i am not handy at homemade gifts (maybe eventually.....i homeschool 2 kids & i have a 1 1/2 year old who is into EVERYTHING so maybe when she is a tad older i'll get around to better research) and the second hand store around here is horrible. i have rarely found anything there but some books for the kids ( everything is very overpriced & i find better deals shopping off season).i think i'll start very early this next year but i agree that you shouldn't go into debt. we took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University & we are on our way out of debt. we went from $60K of debt,including college, to $33K in 16 months & we are putting our tax return onto it too so i can't wait! we even sold our second vehicle. it's a pain but debt is a bigger pain 😉
I am also a person who truly enjoys good, practical gifts that meet my needs. I spend a lot of time in my vehicle for work, and always seem to be cold. I was given as a present, a heating, massaging seat cover for in my vehicle. I love it!
I give a mix of home-made and purchased gifts for Christmas. But I try to give homemede gifts that would be useful to the recipient. Last year I made flavoured coffee mixes and spice mixes in jars. Surprisingly, they were a big hit. I was asked this year if I would be giving them again.
Great post! We very carefully budget for Christmas gifts and stick to it. This year we paid for the majority of the gifts with cash rewards from our credit card (that we pay off every month) and with Swagbucks gift cards. We just recently started using Swagbucks, so we didn't have much, but my goal for next year is to pay for gifts only with credit card rewards and Swagbucks.
We give very few gifts and make sure that the gift is something the person has said that they want or we know they would really enjoy. For instance we give my brother in law and his wife movie gift certificates because with their blended family of seven, a movie can get really expensive. I also make photo calendars for all of the grandparents which they really love.
We also keep the gift budget in check by not giving gifts to our neices and nephews. Instead, we opened a 529 account for each of them and put money in it each month.
I was lucky to grow up in a family that had a pretty healthy attitude toward gift-giving, so I was well into adulthood before I understood what many of the anti-consumerists were reacting against. We all budget (and often use Christmas lists)--the other thing I have realized as an adult is that a) experiences are also great gifts and that b) for certain people, originality in gift-giving is overrated...they actually love getting baseball tickets, or a box of amazing chocolates, or a renewed subscription to satellite radio every single year, and in fact look forward to it. (Please note, you have to be sure that this is actually welcome).
I totally agree. For me, its not about the money or the budget - we have very few people that we give gifts to and we make good money as "DINKS" .. But, I always try to give things that have meaning to the person receiving. My family now looks forward to what new knitted warmth they'll get from me at Christmas and I so enjoy finding the right pattern for the right person.
Also this year, some are getting tie-died things, pickled jalapenos (that I grew, picked, pickled and processed myself), homemade taco seasoning and (if I have time) some homemade hot cocoa mix!
But also, mom is getting an online subscription to help her with a transition from Windows to Mac, my sister gets an iTunes gift card, and dad gets some old classic Western TV shows on DVD. Its a good mix of things they will all love. And it makes me feel good to give things that I've put my own effort into.
Kristen - so with you on this! It really is all about balance.
Also, I completely agree that useful gifts are the best gifts (especially for me!). I love having gifts under the tree that I can start using right away, and I know EXACTLY where to put them. To me, that is incredibly thoughtful, because someone has to know something about how I spend my time in order to give me a useful gift (for example, a boss at work yesterday gave me a set of cinnamon sticks with a little grater because she knew I liked to cook!).
Also, I always try to give consumable gifts (things that will be used up eventually!). This year I ordered some note cards and note pads off of vista print (coupon cabin had a code for 50% off, and then recently I got an email that practically the whole site was 100% off! You still have to pay shipping and any upgrades like fancy paper though, but it was a cheap option!). This is for my uncle who likes to write letters and my boyfriend's sister who is a 1st grade teacher. I think they'll love it!
Merry Christmas everyone!
Another great post. I think like just about everything in life moderation is key. I totally agree that one should not go into debt to finance Christmas. We have worked over the years to cut our gift-giving list (when you don't know what to get someone because you rarely spend time with them then it seems silly to me to be buying them gifts, or when you're just exchanging gift cards or cash, that seems crazy). We don't have a set amount that we spend on each recipients gifts, it just depends on what we're getting them, some years we spend more than others.
Oh, I have to agree with you. I'm really not a big fan of giving or receiving gift cards. It seems like a waste of money to me (usually, I can get a nice thoughtful gift for less money than I'd have to put on a gift card to make sure I didn't come off as cheap!).
I would disagree a little on this one...I think sometimes that is the case, but for me I personally WELCOME gift cards. Being a poor college student I don't usually have the money to splurge on myself and my mom isn't always the best at picking out practical things or things that are my taste. This year she sent me a gift basket from Bath and Body Works and a $25 Amazon gift card. While the B&BW stuff is lovely, it really isn't a scent I am fond of and I really don't need ANOTHER bottle of body spray. The Amazon gift card though, I can use to get myself a couple of books on my Kindle that I wouldn't have probably been able to spend the money on otherwise (the Kindle was a birthday gift this year from someone else, it isn't something I would have been able to spend my own money on but I LOVE it now that I have it!) Both items probably cost her the same, but the gift card is much more thoughtful, and in some ways personal, for me. So I think, like everything, it just depends on who is the gifter and the receiver, but don't dismiss gift cards totally!
My grandparents gave me a check every year. But it wasn't as simple as them giving me money. The deal was I then spent that money on something I wanted then did show-and-tell (or just the tell if I spent it on an experience). It worked all around. It was easy for my grandparents, I got something just right, and we all shared in the pleasure of the gift.
Yep, I agree...sometimes, gift cards are really awesome. For instance, my brother and sister-in-law gave a dining gift card to Mr. FG and me last year along with free babysitting provided by them, and I thought that was a great gift.
Yes! This is why we don't give gifts to all of our extended relatives. If we don't see them often enough to really know them, it seems sort of silly to exchange gifts.
Completely agree with you here. I've tuned out of many of my regular blog reads because I'm tired of being told that store bought gifts are evil. You are right, homemade can be thoughtless and purchased gifts paid with cash can be perfect. We do a combination of homemade, used and new. The best Christmas gift I've ever received was my Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer, kind of hard to make something like that from scratch. My last Christmas blog gripe has to do with "the real meaning of Christmas" having nothing to do with the birth of Christ. I totally respect that many many people do not celebrate the birth of Christ in any way, however, Christians can celebrate and be givers and aware of the hardships of others at the same time ( which is not a CHristmas time calling, but rather a year round, life long calling). It does not have to be an either or situation.
Ooh yes, a Kitchen-Aid is a present on par with an SLR camera!
I could not agree more. There is a balance with Christmas gift-giving. This year I bought gifts for my family, which is for the first time since my husband and I have been married. My family is going to be really surprised, but we never had the money before now. We were paying for my college our first few years of marriage (with cash by the way) and then we had 2 beautiful girls. We were doing good to make ends meet and I knew lavish Christmas gifts would not help our situation any, so what did I do--I baked, I sewed, whatever I could do not to spend too much money. I still used a budget for this Christmas, but it was nice to buy some things instead of make everything. However, in the tradition of previous Christmases, I made goodies and embellished towels for the girls. My family loves and appreciates them just as well as store-bought gifts. I realize this is a really long post--Sorry.
I am a big fan of giving experiential gifts. I think they are more enjoyable to receive and are something the person wouldn't necessarily give to themselves. One year (the only year I actually was making enough money to give my parent's something nice...LOL!) I gave my mom and stepdad tickets to a jazz singer concert, which I picked because my stepdad loves jazz and my mom enjoys it if there is a strong vocalist. And I gave my dad tickets to a guitar legends concert, because he LOVES playing his guitar. All of them said it was hands down the best gift they could have ever gotten from me. The choice of concerts was thought out for each of them, it was something they wouldn't have been aware of otherwise, and they had a fantastic time there.
This year, being back in school, my funds are much more limited so I went for handmade and gave both sets of parents/stepparents handmade felted slippers. But a lot of love and time went into them, and yes...handmade gifts CAN be just as expensive as store bought ones! I knit my mom a very luxurious blanket one year and spent close to $40 in the yarn for it and that is on the low end of what handmade can cost! But for me, it is something that I can stretch the money that I can afford into something that is infused with my love and handiwork rather than, say, another book or dvd set. And especially being 3000 miles away from my family, I like to give them things that they will think of me when they use them.
Ok...this got really long! LOL! The point is, like you said I think both purchased and handmade can be equally lovely (or equally thoughtless I suppose) but for me handmade is also a way of sending a piece of myself when I personally can't be there.
I love this post! I totally agree with you. Being frugal, generally requires planning and resourcefulness. That should naturally follow through with Christmas, as well. I keep a notebook handy, and when ever I hear someone say "I like this" or " wouldn't that be handy" I jot it down in my notebook. Then in my shopping through out the year I look for those gifts...on sale of course. I do a mixture of home made and store bought. I have made aprons, rice heating pads, and quilts for family and friends. I love making gift baskets. I buy wicker baskets at the thrift stores to use as a base for baskets filled with home canned jelly, salsa, spaghetti sauce, and home baked goodies. This year I was lucky, and found a fun brand new enamel ware popcorn bowl at the thrift store for a couple of dollars. I filled it with home made flavored popcorn, some boxes of movie theater candy (from the Dollar Store), and a book of movie passes. I plan on giving it to my brother's family, who love going to the movies, but can rarely afford it. We also set aside a certain amount of money out of each paycheck that is put in a Christmas fund. I buy all gifts and supplies out of that fund.
P.S. I am hoping to find new undies and socks under the tree this year (it's time to demote mine to the rag bag...LOL! :D) Oh, and a pizza stone........the kiddos dropped mine on the kitchen floor, and broke it. Pizza isn't the same without a pizza stone!
I do that too, except I'm not as organized as you and just keep a running idea list in my head! lol If you listen all year long, it's not so hard to come up with gift ideas.
Hee! Hee! I have to write them down, because sometimes my memory is about 30 seconds long! To many things get to bubbling in my brain, and OOPS something slips away!
AGREE, with special emphasis on quality over quantity!
Yes! So much better to have a few things you really LOVE than 30 things you just sort of like.
I really, REALLY can't stand the Simple Dollar any more. He's gotten way too smug for me.
This year for Christmas I spent a little under $500. I budgetted for it and can afford it. Everyone got something that I know they will like and enjoy. I'm sorry that doesn't fit in with some people's "Give someone a cookie that cost you $0.10 to bake and they'll remember it forever (read 5 minutes.)"
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for giving gifts that you make but they aren't for everyone. If I had a friend/relative who was an expert carpenter and he made me a great rocking chair I'm sure I'd love it forever. If someone was an expert baker and gave me wonderful breads that I could eat, I'd love it too.
I stopped when he posted an article about why you should buy a used car and then a month later bought a new Prius.
This is m first Christmas in years where I bought gifts at a mall or online. Before it had been all consumable, handmade by me or someone else gifts. But I am actually pretty excited about what I have for people this year! I do think a balance is important.
i am grateful for the simple dollar, because he linked to you in the early days of your blog, and i have become a follower of the frugal girl because of TSD. however, i personally made the choice to stop reading mr. ham's blog because of his extreme views. my personal motto for some years has been BOTH/AND (i picked this up at a Bible study, so it's not my idea, and i'm not sure who started it). life and faith and belief and most of everything else is both/and, not either/or. I love living the both/and. christmas is both purchased goods and homemade goods, with both quality and frugality. it's all of the above, and i'm not a bad person if i bought some gifts.
Oh, you must have seen my link in a comment over there. I don't think Trent has ever linked to me (although I did get a mention in his book, Katy of The Non Consumer Advocate tells me).
Either way, I'm glad you found your way over here!
Balance is fine, but I don't think the Christian life is about the "rule" of balance. Isn't it really about doing what the Holy Spirit tells us to do? Fact is, He may tell you to do something very extravagant sometimes and other times He might tell you to do something very frugal. It's all about love in the final analysis because, while God is never wasteful, He is usually VERY extravagant. That's why Ephesians 2:7 says, "...He wants to show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness to us." After all, He spared nothing in giving His Own Son for our salvation.
I definitely am a fan of being generous because of God's generosity towards us in sending His son, so I'm totally with you there. Mr. FG has helped me learn to be more generous than I'd naturally be, and it's due in part to his influence (and God's sanctifying grace) that I gave my camera fund money to Haiti last year, and why I came up with the idea to donate our extra money this month to Living Water, Haiti, and our church's mercy fund.
On the other hand, I don't think God would lead me to do something irresponsible with my money...if I felt "led" to do that, I'd have to reassess who was really talking to me! lol
I'm just thinking that I don't want to fall out of the boat on either side...the side of buying everything in sight and going into massive debt to do so, or the side of forgoing gift-buying and gift-giving altogether. The one is pretty irresponsible and the other is unnecessarily ascetic in my opinion.
"On the other hand, I don't think God would lead me to do something irresponsible with my money...if I felt "led" to do that, I'd have to reassess who was really talking to me! lol"
I just TOTALLY lost it! Good thing I'd already finished my drink.
Starting last year each person in our immediate family drew names, and we started to make gifts for each other. Since our kids are young my husband and I help them with their gifts for their siblings, but it has really been a fun tradition that we hope to continue. Also to keep Christmas spending down we follow a poem that my aunt used to use with my cousins. "Something to play with, Something to read, Something to wear, Something to read." We have tried to follow those this year, with a few extras for the kids, and think it will be followed for many years to come.
Sorry! I got the poem wrong. "Something to play with, Something you need, Something to wear, Something to read." Sorry about that! 🙂
lol... I was wondering, but it sounds good the first way too if you want to promote a strong love of reading!
Hey! Two somethings to read sounded awfully good to me! In my family we just assumed that if person A gave person B a book, person A had already read it - that very copy.
This year I thought I would save money in making gifts for family. But when I made a trip to the post office to send the packages out. I realized it wasn't a big savings! The gift cards would have been cheaper! I spent $50 at the post office! I wont be doing that again! I guess we learn from our experiences! I try so hard to make it worthwhile. I guess this year they will enjoy getting a package, but next year, I may do the card way again, and be better prepared than I was this year. It snuck up on me and is hurting us financially. This next year I will plan early. Thanks for all your tips! You have a ton of good info to share!
ShannonC: If you have to mail things, consider the size of flat-rate boxes from the USPS. If you can pack two families worth in for $10, it's not so bad! Size is a major consideration in my making/shopping these days for family members far away.
OK, I'm an only child from a family where Christmas was way over the top. It's what seemed "normal" to me for a long time, but over the years I've cut back a lot. This year, I am pleased to say I only put one $20 gift on the credit card--and that was because I forgot my husband had the checkbook. But I don't envision a Christmas anytime in my future where we don't buy some gifts.
A category of gifts that we give a lot hasn't come up here yet today-- locally made items that you purchase. For years, my SIL has given me pottery bowls, dishes, and platters made locally. I love them, use them a lot, and since no one in my family is a potter they weren't an option to receive as homemade gifts. We all feel better about buying directly from the artist and supporting someone in the local community rather than a multinational corporation. Plus they are often unique gifts.
And I like chipping in on bigger items (like a camera). This year we've contributed funds to help buy a very specific power drill, new ski equipment, and hiking poles. While I can't afford to bankroll any of these items on my own, I know the recipients will enjoy them.
Last random thought....for the first time this year, I have been giving away home-canned jams, pickles, salsa, and chutneys. Wasn't really sure how they'd go over, but it turns out that many of the giftees can as well, and seem quite excited to try MY chutney or pickles and compare it to theirs. And I've been gifted some canned items myself, and have the same reaction. I've also had two people comment that they didn't realize I canned, and they'll be happy to let me know when they have extra produce next summer if I can use it! Yippee for that!
I hope it's not considered cheap to use gift cards you received and never used to buy gifts for others... I had a ton of gift cards to places like Target and I used them when buying gifts this year. And the same for coupons! I found some excellent coupons and was able to get good gifts that I think the people on my list are going to like.
I don't think so...I'd look at it like using cash. And the recipient never has to know!
Seems pretty smart to me, as long as you are able to buy something you think the person would like instead of just something because you have to buy something.
Thanks for the comments, Kristin. I too believe God is responsible and prudent, but He's not always logical. The Holy Spirit may often lead us to do things that appears to make no sense but, because we trust Him, we "build the ark" or "attack Goliath" or "get out of the boat."
There's no verse in the Bible that I know of that tells us to live "balanced" lives. This is a worldly concept in many respects. The only issue is, what is the Holy Spirit leading me to do...period. There are no "rules."
Actually I used the word "extravagant," which could include generosity, but extravagance is first of all about what God wants to ABUNDANTLY do for me. So, if God is an extravagant giver, what should I be? An extravagant giver? No, I should first be a shameless receiver. It's only because He's extravagant with me that I can be extravagant with others. But I have to be a receiver of His extravagance first in order to extravagant myself.
I think we're saying the same thing...that really expensive gifts or really inexpensive gifts aren't always appropriate all the time (some of the articles I read this morning seemed to indicate that buying gifts was never appropriate, and I disagree with that. I don't think one size fits all when it comes to gifts!).
And yep, my love for others and generosity towards others is powered by God's generous gifts to me. Receiving His gifts is what fuels my generosity!
Thanks for the comments, Kristin. I too believe God is responsible and prudent, but He's not always logical. The Holy Spirit may often lead us to do things that appears to make no sense but, because we trust Him, we "build the ark" or "attack Goliath" or "get out of the boat."
There's no verse in the Bible that I know of that tells us to live "balanced" lives. This is a worldly concept in many respects. The only issue is, what is the Holy Spirit leading me to do...period. There are no "rules."
Actually I used the word "extravagant," which could include generosity, but extravagance is first of all about what God wants to ABUNDANTLY do for me. So, if God is an extravagant giver, what should I be? An extravagant giver? No, I should first be a shameless receiver. It's only because He's extravagant with me that I can be extravagant with others. But I have to be a receiver of His extravagance first in order to extravagant myself.
My husband and I recently paid off over six figures worth of debt that came from student loans, medical bills, credit cards and the second mortgage of our house. During the years that we were paying this debt, the presents we gave were nearly exclusively homemade.
This year, with no debt and thousands of dollars in surplus, we spent a lot of money on our families. Including plane tickets for my in-laws and all their kids and grandkids to take a big family trip to the country my in-laws emigrated from (though that was actually a wedding anniversary gift). And we bought my grandmother a laptop computer so that she can skype with her great-grandchildren from across the country. We gave it to her early so she can use it on Christmas and she called it the best Christmas present in her 72 years. Absolutely everything was paid for in cash.
In previous years, our gifts were trying to say that even though we were struggling, we still loved everyone and wanted to give them a token of our affection. This year, we bought everyone great presents as our way of saying thank you for being patient & gracious during our rocky road & sharing our excitement of being free from $1900/month of debt payments.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I definitely agree with you. Gifts can say and mean so much that to immediately dismiss one or the other can completely miss the point.
Congrats on your impressive debt repayment...wow!
Thank you for posting this and hooray for balance!
I was starting to feel guilty about not making presents and not thrifting more gifts this year after all the blog reading I've done this month. Let's face it I can't make Legos and you don't see them in thrift stores very often either so I could either make or buy something else my son would not want (but knowing him would gratefully receive and try to conceal disappointment!) or I could buy him the Lego set he wants and I know will spend hours and hours playing with. My Mom on the other hand makes wonderful shortbread to give as gifts and this year I was able to find a beautiful Hartstone shortbread mold at a thrift store. I gave it to her early so she could use it to make her shortbread for Christmas and it was the perfect thing for her. Gift giving is about finding the right thing for the right person be it new, thrifted or homemade.
You're right...I don't think I've ever seen Legos at Goodwill. The only second-hand ones I've seen at on Ebay, though I do hear of them being at yard sales.
I think gift cards are a good idea when it comes to young people (that don't have alot of money) or if you know someone that has a pet (grooming, etc). I know I wouldn't mind getting one. Impersonal, maybe. Useful, sure.
Thank you for sharing great thoughts on this subject. I like the idea of family members going together for quality (not quantity) of meaningful gifts.
My ideal gift for someone is something they want or need but can't/won't get for zirself. It's a hard standard to live up to. My friends know I give gifts only when I find something good, that I don't expect gifts from them, and if I give a gift I don't expect one in return.
My family is harder, although it's easier now that we agreed no more Saturnalia gifts for grown-ups. I do a mix of bought and homemade, depending on how busy the year has been.
This year I embroidered tree ornaments for my niblings. Not cheap! Between the canvas, the thread and most especially the finishing they were on the order of $150 each. I doubt they or anyone else in my family really knows how much it costs to have work professionally finished but they do understand what a good quality homemade gift is.
OTOH the best gift I ever gave my mother was an empty box. Lo these many years later she still reminisces about it.
I was really stuck for a gift for her that year. I don't remember what the inspiration was but it truly was a stroke of genius. I wrapped a huge box (2'x2'x3') in paper and wrote "Someplace Special" on it. See, my mother is always putting things "someplace special" then forgetting where that place was. Till the box fell apart she didn't have that problem.
In conclusion, I think the thought counts more than the dollars. Some thoughtful gifts are inexpensive, some quite expensive.
Is it time to reincarnate the box? Teehee.
Thank you Kristen, this was very well put, and I wholeheartedly agree.
I think too, as some of the above readers, that a store bought gift can be wonderful or tacky & awful. Ditto for the homemade one(s). It is absolutely the thought behind the present that makes the gift so special for the recipient. It is so easy to get carried away, gosh the stores are pushing Christmas before Halloween, that small wonder people feel that they must buy, buy, buy. This year, more than ever before, I've felt the need to slow down, not overbuy, and spend more time with my husband and three children. I won't, I don't, always remember gifts I've received each Christmas to my shame, but I do recall the warm contentment that I have had whilst sitting with my family watching Christmas specials and enjoying us all being together. Thanks Kristin for this rambly post. Lots of thoughtful, worthwhile comments posted. By the way, love the gift bag in the photo! 🙂
That bag should look familiar to you. lol
I agree! I'm not big on either of the extremes. I normally spend around $60/70 per kid. I buy year round and store thing in my closet (in my present dresser that the kids have yet to discover) so I can save a lot of money. The kids end up with a book or two, a toy or two, pjs, sometimes a piece of clothing, a movie to share, a game to share....
I've always felt like second hand items are not appropriate birthday/Christmas gifts -- maybe because money was tight when I was young. I didn't/don't mind hand-me-down clothes or toys at any other time. This year I broke my policy and bought my kids a second hand dvd. Once you take the wrapper off it's all the same, right (as long as it plays!)
I have given handmade gifts in the past, but the thanks received wasn't near the effort put out... I now only make gifts for people I am sure will appreciate it.
I did that once...gave a time-consuming homemade gift to someone who was like, "Thanks." and then put it aside.
I think I cried about that later, actually. =P
And I resolved never to pour my heart and effort into a handmade gift again unless I was sure that the recipient would love it.
Gift Giving is getting some bad press. I wholeheartedly agree that an 'all or nothing' approach is not required. Moderation is key to much of life in achieving long-term goals. For example, we all know crash dieting doesn't work! Gifts can bring immense pleasure, I am told that as a small child, Christmas was the time I received new toys from my parents (I had a lovely party and home made food and cake for my birthday), and I absolutely cherished them - I remember most of what I received throughout the years. Please thank Mr FG for his sacrifice. The camera not only bought you joy - it brings your readers joy - for you publish the most beautiful photographs. Have a lovely Christmas Kristen
Im with the others, if you don't know them well enough to know what to buy them, then they shouldn't be on your list to buy for.
Also to me gift cards are great in certain situations but with my brother, we were exchanging gift cards. (silly, isn't it) We agreed to not exchange 2 years ago. He and his wife have no children and make good money so they buy things they really want. Throughout the year I send "photo" gifts of my kids, which they love. For Christmas my kids made them a photo calendar that they will love more than any gift card or present I could give them.
What a great discussion! I love to do a balance of gifts that are requested, ones I make (for those I know would love them) and ones I buy at the farmer's markets I vend at. Those are my favorite to buy, as I know I am supporting a local business person who has put love and thought into their product. And I am blessed to have folks who feel the same about buying from me!
good thoughts here!
I read the same point being made in the green blogging community and it upsets me. I've received some very thoughtful store bought gifts and some handmade gifts that while I appreciate the time and energy to make really missed the mark - I'm just not a homemade Snuggie kind of girl. Besides we have plenty of well loved afghans made by our grandmothers that are used when the need arises.
Although I have to admit, sometimes getting a thoughtful not so practical gift is nice too. When I'm way too practical (I asked for insulation for the garage for Christmas) sometimes my husband gives me something that's just pampering because he knows I won't buy something like that for myself.
You mentioning your dSLR made me think back to the Christmas when I got my KitchenAid Mixer. Still in my top 5 gifts of ALL TIME - I also cried! But it really was given with love by someone who knew I'd appreciate the heck out of it. And to think of all the deliciousness that has come out of it in the last 4 years, well, there's just no comparison.