Does contentment lead to complacency?
Last week when I posted a few quotes about contentment, there was a little discussion in the comments about how contentment can lead to complacency.
This concern frequently pops up when I talk about contentment, which is understandable because of course you don't want to stagnate, stop growing, or quit trying to improve your life.
And if contentment always produced that sort of fruit, I wouldn't be quite such a big fan of it!
But I see contentment more as a tool to help keep your heart happy while you are pursuing your dreams, hopes, and goals.
If you think you can only achieve happiness by arriving at your goal or by achieving your dreams, you are pretty much guaranteed to be a very unhappy person until you reach the goal or achieve the dream.
But if you start out your journey toward your goal with a contented attitude, you're much more likely to be happy during the journey.
Also, if you don't have a contented heart before you try to reach a goal, odds are awfully good that you won't feel content/happy even when you DO reach the goal.
A discontented heart always wants more, more, more.
For instance, if you can learn to be content on $60k a year, you're quite likely to also be content after you work hard to increase your income to $100k a year.
Conversely, if you haven't found a contented heart at $60k, it's unlikely that $100k will magically bring you happiness.
So. I think contentment can help you feel joy while you're working to achieve your goals AND it can also help you feel joy once you actually do achieve your goals.
And the reverse is true too: discontentment is likely to bring you unhappiness on the journey and at the destination.
One other thing: there are things in life that we should work to change, places where we shouldn't be complacent.
But there are also a lot of things in life that we can't do much to change, and I think contentment is especially helpful in such situations.
For instance, when I was pregnant and super sick with Zoe, I was doing everything I could to feel better, but nothing was working. I remember making a list of things to be thankful for, like that family helped us out, that I hadn't gotten sick even earlier in the moving process (we'd just bought a house), and so on.
You can't change your height, your eye color, the color of the hair that grows out of your head, your body type, your physical limitations (I'm always going to have bad eyesight!), your children's personalities, the weather, or any number of other things in life.
In cases like that, it makes a whole lot of sense to learn how to bloom where you're planted and how to make the best of what you've been dealt in life.
You're going to be stuck with those unchangeable things in your life no matter what, so you might as well choose the path that leads to more happiness and joy!
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I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you find that contentment leads to complacency? Or do you think you can be content and also driven and motivated?
Good discussion! This turns out to be more philosophical than I thought. I was one of the commenters who mentioned contentment and complacency.
I can say I'm content with my life, but I always want to save more and make more, and I find joy when I make progress on what I strive to do (i.e. paying off that mortgage) 🙂
"A discontented heart always wants more, more, more."
Yes true. So many people buy away their worries and problems (or believe they can). I'm happy to say I been there, did that, and I'm trying to enjoy the journey. It sounds easy but it took me a good few years to figure out.
I totally agree with you. After all, it's ALL a journey,isn't it?
This is a coincidence -- I just heard a sermon on discontent and contentment, and searching for that elusive something that will make one happy.
I have had times of discontent, when I've thought that something has to change, but most of the time, even when circumstances aren't ideal, I'm still fairly peaceful about my life. I'm a worrier by nature, so it took me a good while to reach this point, believe me.
I don't think contentment is incompatible with drive. After all, I constantly strive to be a better person, but it doesn't make me discontented with myself.
I've never even heard this view point before...I guess I missed the comments on it.
To me, contentment is being happy with good. Perfection is fleeting & rarely lasts long, sometimes only moments. If we're always striving for more we'll never be happy. Working hard toward a goal & being content with good is not a bad thing when you take your life as a whole....we all have so many different areas we're working on at once. As we age, our standards must lower because our body just cannot keep up so we will be even more discontented if we can't find a balance.
I agree wholeheartedly!
Yoga for your Eyes is a $13 DVD. You actually can improve your vision. The man who did it was born legally blind and got a driver's license without glasses! Based on research from 100 years ago! Dr Bates, I believe, is the doctor from long ago. Based on his methods. We just started last week.
Urban Dictionary is an iffy resource, but I like what they say about contentment: Contentment is true peace of mind and has absolutely nothing to do with any external pleasure or condition, but rather your attitude.
Our circumstances will change throughout our lives--income, housing, health, etc. I suspect that contentment is a learned mindset rather than an innate trait--that being said, I think some personalities struggle more with being content than others, but sooner or later we all encounter situations that require us to look inward and upward rather than externally for our happiness/sense of peace.
To me, contentment hints at gratitude to God--I'm not sure that complacency has anything to do with true contentment. Complacency, in my mind, says "I deserve all the good things in my life and I don't want anything to change". Contentment says "Thank you for all the gifts I have been given and for the grace to get through life's challenges".
Then again, maybe I have my definitions all wrong! 🙂
I love that Urban Dictionary definition!
We have an old post on this topic... I will never be happy. https://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2011/01/11/ambition/
There is hope for your eyes! I was almost legally blind, unable to function at all without thick glasses. I was put on a medication that had a terrible side effect--it caused cataracts in my 30s and I need cataract surgery. A half hour surgery on each eye, a few days recovery and I ended up with 20/20 vision!! Honestly, I started praying that my similarly blind husband would get cataracts. And I don't need bifocals, as all of my friends are starting to get them.
My dad had cataract surgery this past year as well, and my goodness, his results made me jealous! Maybe I'll get cataracts too. Ha.
Ha! I'm nearsighted, farsighted, have astigmatism and glaucoma. Both of my parents developed cataracts and after surgery no longer required glasses - I can't wait! Alas, Dad's didn't develop until he was in his eighties...
If I'm getting cataracts, yeah, I hope I get them earlier than 80! Ha.
I actually wrote a blog post last year all about this very subject! For me, I was trying so hard to be content with exactly where we were (because we weren't making a lot of money, which hindered a lot of our goals) and with exactly what we had (an apartment when we really wanted to be putting down roots and in a house already) that I DID become pretty complacent with our situation because I WAS content with it. But when I stepped back and looked at the big picture, I realized that now isn't the time to be complacent with things like a super-low salary (since we rely on just one income and need to start saving for retirement again) and since we've been expanding our family and wanted a yard for our kids to play in. So I got a little less "content," if you will, and we made it happen. I see what you mean about being content THROUGH the process of growth, but I had made the mistake of just being content with everything exactly as it was, which wasn't providing that kind of growth environment for me. It's a delicate balance, to be sure!
I enjoyed your clarification and further thoughts on contentment versus complacency.
I don't personally see it as an either/or situation.
And let's also consider that contentment may not be a 100% thing, applying to every aspect of your life, at any given moment.
One can be "content" about certain aspects of one's life and very discontent about others.
Just as you can indeed be very grateful and yet, unhappy about some things.
One does not exclude the other.
The same can be said about discontent. It doesn't necessarily apply to all aspects of one's life. And frankly, without discontent, little changes in one's life. If you are comfortable (and I do not equate comfortable with content) with even what you dislike about your life (and many people are, otherwise they'd initiate some change or take action), you may or may not be more empowered to initiate change. It's an individual thing.
Frankly, I personally find discontent to be a strong motivator to initiate change and take action.
And I don't think I'm alone in that.
Content is not all positive; discontent not all negative. It's relative to what it is it applies to in your life and how you use it to grow.
Content in the sense of being aware of and grateful for what does "work" in your life is a good thing. Content in that you're willing to settle because it's too hard or scary to grow? Not so much.
I agree that contentment is about attitude, and it makes a huge difference. Do I love my kitchen, its layout, the dated countertops and cabinets, the floor with a pattern you could disco to? God no. But I love what I can create in it despite the aesthetics. It may be ugly, but it's lovely when the aroma of baking bread and homemade spaghetti sauce come wafting out of it on a cold winter day.
It's getting to be a habit for me that when I get frustrated with things in my life, I start looking for ways I *can* appreciate that certain thing. It's what inspired to overhaul the entire lower floor of my house this summer- I didn't love what it was like (no one would have!), so I decided that instead of waiting around for my husband to unpack his stuff, I was going to do it. And I did. And it feels amazing. 🙂
There are things I'm discontent about- things I haven't finished, things I want to begin- but they're all things I know I have control over. I've absolutely been working on developing an attitude of contentment about my life, and it's working. Being grateful for and enjoying things the way they are now is absolutely a path to peace.
This is something I recently realized. It had been a long day at work and I felt grumpy. I was soaking in the bath tub, trying to think about what would make me happy. I listed all of the obstacles and challenges I was facing, and wishing they would go away.
But then it hit me.
If I had ZERO worries and felt hunky-dory, life would be boring. It would be nearly purposeless without something to strive for. So I think that the key to contentment is having a balance of things that both comfort and challenge us. It's about finding that sweet spot.
This is an old but great book on this subject...How to Want what You Have: Discovering the Magic and Grandeur of Ordinary Existence.
Author Timothy Miller
On another blog/forum recently, I read, "Ambition is the Enemy of Contentment". I've been turning that one over in my head for days. I think there's really something to that.
I love this post Kristen! I have the same thoughts about contentment.
I think contentment doesn't lead to complacency, but rather people confuse contentment with complacency. Contentment is not just being happy with how things are, but satisfied where you are, where you were and where you're going.
Contentment is to do with the heart.
If you are not content, but very ambitious, this can lead to greater discontentment because you're never going to have enough of whatever you're after.
Complacency speaks more of an unwillingness to do anything to change whether it would be beneficial or not.
I feel like you've already said everything I can think to say!
ps the pictures are SO beautiful in this post. I love trees so much.
I love this post. The whole fear of complacency thing is very interesting though. I may be totally off base here, and I can't really speak for anyone but myself where this stuff is concerned, but I think that fear of complacency is really fear of allowing yourself to be happy. I think there's a certain vulnerability that goes along with contentment - like "What if I let my guard down and then something really bad happens?" Of course, once again, it's the whole fallacy of control - as if keeping one's guard up can somehow prevent the unforeseeable. That's a trap I frequently fall into.
And I got a good chuckle about the whole eyesight thing. I have terrible vision too, and right underneath your bit about learning to be content with your bad eyesight was an ad for Lasik surgery. Bwahahahah!