Is frugality innate or learned?
Or can it be both innate and learned?
These are questions sparked by a trip down memory lane inside my brain! At no time in my life from birth through age 19 (when I got married) did I experience financial instability, but as I look back, I can see a pattern of interest in thrift and frugality.
I was thinking about how, as a kid, I saved the ends of our bar soap and pressed them onto the next bar of soap, even though I wasn't buying the soap.
And then I thought about how in a Louisa May Alcott book, a character rummaged through the basement of the house, found some old curtains and other decor, cleaned and fixed them up, and used them to decorate her room beautifully.
I loved that part of the book when I read it as a kid!
I also remember reading the Boxcar Children books, and my favorite was the first one. My memory is vague about the exact circumstances, but I remember the children basically were dumpster-diving, finding old dishware and foraging for food, and I loved that.
(My abandoned house adventures felt a little like living the Boxcar Children story!)
As a teenager, I saved almost all of the money I earned from babysitting and teaching piano lessons, and I had a pretty decent nest egg saved up by the time I got married. I can even remember interestedly reading some Tightwad Gazette books on babysitting jobs (after I put the kids in bed!).
But none of this was forced on me by circumstances, and I honestly don't think it was parental pressure either, because some of my siblings weren't quite such die-hard savers. So, I think I am just maybe naturally inclined in this direction.
(I see this in my own kids as well; I remember Lisey considering a purchase when she was maybe seven years old. She carefully counted her money to see if she could afford it, because as she said, "I don't want to be bankrobbed!" (Bankrupt. Hehe.) She too was born this way. 😉 )
Once I got married and moved out of my parents' house, frugality was no longer a choice. I wrote a little more about this on my Patreon today, but I lived through a lot of very lean years during my marriage, and frugality skills are largely what kept financial disaster at bay.
Basically, I came into adulthood with something of a proclivity to frugality, but my adult years are when I got really good at stretching a dollar. So, I guess my frugality is both innate and learned (forced? Ha.)
If I had married into money, I'd probably still be practically minded and waste-averse. But since I lived the low-income life, I took the frugality thing a whole lot more seriously, and I got really good at it.
Things got better financially toward the end of my marriage, but then, as you know, I plunged back into lean times during the two years of separation/divorce proceedings. I was very grateful for my frugality skills again!
Currently, with no attorney fees and the addition of an RN degree, I'm back in a spot where frugality is a choice rather than a survival strategy. Yay!
However, I still keep my spending pretty low, I'm still waste-averse, and that will probably be the case no matter what my financial future holds.
(After all, what if you can have the thing you want AND keep your money?)
Interesting question. My parents are fairly frugal; I'm not sure how much by nature or nurture. My dad grew up on a lower income but ironically is more likely to splash out something (within reason). I have never wanted to spend money on designer goods or makeup, but I definitely have to remind myself that spending money on small things adds up. I have to resist (and occasionally fail) at eating lunch in cafes or ordering takeout, and all I can think is that it's some kind of subconscious rebellion as we did so very rarely when I was growing up.
One lesson I did take (or maybe it's innate within me?) is that while it's important to save money, you should always spend money on your health (ie, go to the dentist, optician etc and buy good shoes) and you should also have a little money for fun (such as a small vacation or going to an activity, like Brownies and ballet for my sister and I. I have a book which I've loved since I was a kid which has a quote about needing bread to live and hyacinths for the soul. I think of money for things you don't 'need' as for hyacinths (someone else on a blog once - it may even have been here! - made the same comparison from the same book. I thought it was very apt, so I am echoing it). I would never want to save money so much that I never spent money on joy.
My mom taught me: good shoes, good undergarments, good teeth. Everything else you can probably find good secondhand.
There's a proverb, which I think is Italian, along the lines of 'pay the grocer or pay the doctor'. It's important to invest in health.
On an unrelated note, I just saw that I forgot to close a bracket on one of my sentences in my post! Gah!
I think I was raised to be a good steward of what I have, including money. Mom bought things that lasted and taught me what to look for, including good seams, quality material, solid dovetailed furniture, and took me to antique stores a lot. I still don't like polyester, even though the clothes look pretty! Living in England for a few years shaped my thinking too, I think part of that culture is to preserve things, not throw them out.
I also like to be in control of what I can, and not be indebted to anyone. Money to me = control. I've felt that way as long as I can remember. So that's where my frugality with trying to find what I want or need at the lowest price, and using what I already have.
Its funny to think about frugality being nature vs nurture.
That's interesting about England; I am from there and generally would agree with you, although there has been a move towards fast fashion. This is a minor example but when I went to NYC a few years ago I was shocked at the amount of disposable plates and cutlery in cafes and the hotel my friend and I stayed at, and at a museum. It's not quite the same as 'preserving things', but in England you would always get real plates and knives and forks - disposable goods are mostly only used at fairs or food vans.
I don't mind being 'indebted' as long as I know I can pay it back. I don't love being in debt, but it's not an absolute for me.
I think it's a blend. I grew up with a family whi were careful about money, and as I kid I would save. As a teen and single lady, some indulgences. As an adult, a large family and an extremely thrifty husband made frugality important. And I look at my kids, some are naturally frugal ( one of mine saved birthday money for years because he couldn't find anything he wanted); some have frugality thrust upon them after spending way too much and not listening to advice ( and they were the "big spenders" as kids). I'd go with mostly inate.