5 Things You Can Choose to Do Instead of Wallowing
(Feeling like a victim is not super productive, as a general rule).
So, I'm piggybacking on yesterday's post with a starter list of positive things you can choose to do when you are hit with financial difficulties or are just feeling down about your financial situation in general.
In writing this list, I'm thinking about things like job loss, big bills (medical, home, auto) and also smaller, less traumatic things such as feeling envious of people who have more money.
And my hope is that you guys can add to my list in the comments!
1. Ask yourself, "What can I do?"
This is kind of a foundational question because it gets you out of the victim mentality and helps you focus on what you do have control over.
I'm not discounting the fact that something very unfair or very distressing may have happened to your financial situation, and as I said yesterday, it's ok to feel upset about that.
But most financial difficulties have not been solved by people who get stuck in a cycle of helpless thoughts like, "Why me?".
"Why does everyone else earn more money?"
"Why can't I afford XYZ for my kids like everyone else can?"
"I deserve better than this."
Even if thoughts like these are true, they're not ultimately helpful.
2. Get some perspective.
Whether a huge bill has got you down, or you're just feeling a general sense of unhappiness your financial state, some perspective can be very helpful.
And since we're not super good at having perspective when we're down in the dumps, it's smart to reach out to other people for help. Encouraging friends can listen to your struggles and also help you get to a mental place where you feel more empowered.
If you don't have a good in-real-life set of friends, search online for money-related communities where you can share your struggles and get encouragement.
3. Look for a side hustle/part-time job.
Changing your attitude is a great first step, but sometimes, cold hard cash is also super helpful.
When I faced an impending financial problem years ago, I upped my side-hustle efforts by doing things like babysitting, piano gigs, and photography.
If you can't come up with a side hustle or additional job, could you ask for a raise at work? This is not always advisable or possible, but it's worth considering since often people (especially women) don't ask for what they deserve at work.
4. Check your spending.
I know from experience that sometimes, there really is nothing left to cut back on, and if that's where you are, I feel you! Hang in there, and ignore this advice.
For most people in developed countries, though, there are at least a few expenses which could be trimmed when push comes to shove.
You could eliminate a bill (no more eating out for now), or you could find cheaper alternatives (switch your cell phone plan, do Redbox instead of the theater, switch car insurance companies).
5. Find some cheap/free things that will lift your spirits.
I could fill a whole post with ideas in this category, so...that's what I did! You can read 15 Free/Cheap Ideas to Make You Feel Happier right here. And readers added lots of great ideas in the comments, so don't miss those.
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I noticed that all of the things in the above list fall into two basic categories:
- Changing your circumstances
- Changing your attitude/mindset
So, I'd love to hear from you:
What practices help you to either change your circumstances or your mindset when you feel down about your finances?
P.S.In case you were thinking something crazy like, "Wow, Kristen has gotten really good at growing flowers based on the photos in the last two posts."...they're not mine. They're the flowers around my parents pool and my dad has grown them. 😉 My only contribution was taking photos of 'em.
I have to say that getting out of the house does wonders for me personally. Whether it's a short stroll in the yard or a quick walk around the block, getting a change of scenery and time away from the problem really helps.
I am sitting at home alone with our LO and feeling kinda bored at home. I'm writing up a post about how Mr .FAF and I take care of our newborn and toddler. It makes me feel productive and happy 😀
Oh oh I see this a lot! Often wren friends lose jobs, it's like a denial. They spend the same as they did and they don't want a job that pays them less because they feel above that. Someone made 70k a year now only getting 45k is not going to feel like 45k is what they deserve.
Jobs are rarely a mark of someone's worth but our self wallowing makes it seem like it does.
Thank you so much for your recent posts. They have been just what I have needed lately. My husband was laid off a few months ago and, despite all the reports about a great job market, the search has been extremely discouraging. So thank you for these blog posts, they have truly blessed me.
On a side (and hopefully not creepy) note...I think our kids are at the same tutorial. If you heard someone at the back to school night saying "That's the Frugal Girl!" to her husband, that was me, lol!
Oh, that's so funny! You should have come over and introduced yourself. 🙂 I always love to meet readers.
If we cross paths again, do say hi. (You'll have to do it because I don't know what you look like!)
I definitely will!
I have to remember that nothing stays the same. Bad times will change. My mother always stressed that, and so far, she's been right! 🙂
I felt both columns were great. I 've been in both positions. My hubby was in construction so jobs depended on economy,I was an active, working partner &was structure with disabilities that put me on S.S.Disability. My husband became my caretaker. I know attitude is everything. Serving hot dogs on paper plates on the front room floor is a winter picnic adventure not hot dogs again or on pancakes on a family set table makes it fun. Looking for used clothes or hunting for bargains. to help save the environment sounds a whole lot better then crying cause I cant aford anything else. How I handled things made the whole family handle it better.
I was bitter for a while after I had to quit but finally realized how blessed I was to have a family who cared enough about me to make sure they were there to care for me. Attitude is everything.
A friend who was widowed taught me not to ask "why me?" but "why not me?" In other words, what makes me so special that bad things should never happen to me but only to others. What a revelation that was! Changing how I look at hard or bad times has made getting through them much easier, and allows to me think about my problems and possible solutions more clearly.
Another wise person also told me when I was young that nothing ever stays the same; everything changes and you're not locked into whatever situation you find yourself in at any time. Yes, it means that the good times are not always going to be good, but the bad or difficult times are not going to last forever either. "You never jump into the same river twice. You're not the same person and it's not the same river" is how I like to look at each day and the many blessings I have received.
Thanks for this -- it's been a brutal few months around here and our money goals have suffered because of it. Just have to remind myself that this is not a forever setback -- it just feels like it.
For me it is the Word of God. I think it was at the lowest point that I grabbed my Bible (which I hadn't touched for several years 'cause I was very disappointed with the way we'd been treated at church) and read all of Psalm 119, out loud and crying as I did so, all the while realizing what a fool I'd been to neglect the Word all that time...
I so appreciate Isaiah, too, Chapter 40, where we are told that God gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak, for example; Chapter 41, where it says, "fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"; Chapter 50, where it talks about not lighting your own fire, but trusting in the name of the Lord and relying on your God...
Lamentations Chapter 3 always perks me up, as I recall that His mercies are new every morning and great is His faithfulness! Besides, the earlier part of Chapter 3 reminds me that it could always be worse. A lot worse.
So I end up being very grateful that God knows, sees and cares for me, has undertaken to provide (Jehovah Jireh=the Lord provides) and generally invites me to trust Him for now and for eternity, and that He always has provided, actually.
Three years ago when DH wasn't working and the savings were almost depleted, a phone call came that invited him to help out a friend and three years later, it's almost too much of a good thing, meaning DH could really use a vacation! The financial picture is much better, though. 😉
I also like to sing "Great is Your Faithfulness" - especially the part about "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow - blessings all mine with 10,000 beside!" Jesus did say we just need to get through today and also that the very hairs on our heads were numbered... that just really makes my head spin, so to speak!
Regarding 2. Get Some Perspective, this is something I have to check myself on as we live in an affluent area and it often seems that most families do and buy more expensive things with their children. I sometimes wallow in self-pity or feel bad for my children, until I remember to put it in perspective and to think about how fortunate my family actually is and how we are able to provide all the essentials and more to our children. It also helps to remember what my childhood family had at that age, and how I really did not suffer without all the same gadgets and activities kids today do. Of course, there is such a thing as relative poverty and not wanting to stick out like a sore thumb in your community, but we are far from it.
Dh had a stroke over a year ago and both of our worlds were turned upside down. Medical issues/bills, months of no income, trying to manage every day life otherwise was really tough. We both had our share of pity parties, to say the least.
The one thing we both do and have always done is try to find something positive under the circumstances. For us, the lack of income allowed our son to qualify for financial aid and this means that when he graduates, he won't be as deep in debt as he could have been. Don't get me wrong, dh worked and paid taxes for over 40 years, so it's just one of the things his taxes went toward.
Also, after an initial period, our marriage got stronger because we both knew we had survived something that many marriages could not withstand. Again, we still fuss and fight like every couple, but it made us stronger.
We could have wallowed longer, but we realized that being positive works much better than focusing on the negative.
Make a budget with categories and stick to it; the best app is Every Dollar and go to Dave Ramsey's website. He has tons of advices for budgeting or reducing expenses. I'm not sponsored by Dave Ramsey!
I think when feeling down about finances I think one of the best things to do to get my spirits up is to be generous.
Obviously, if money is super tight this may not be a monetary generosity. However, there are plenty of ways to be generous with your time, money and stuff. (I'm currently trying to finish off a post about creating a sharing culture, so that ties in nicely)
Somehow giving when I feel like I should be the one getting changes my mindset and brightens my day.
Another thing I like to do is take a look back and see how far we've come. We're not in debt! Our mortgage is almost paid off! It's encouraging to see that we have changed and even if we feel stagnant or in a financial crisis, we can see the success of the past and that we're so far from where we once were years ago.
I use the list of free things to do to get out of.my funk quite often! I'd love to see your list and I'll share mine when that comes up here. Great post today!
I take advantage of the many free and interesting programs at the local public library. There are lectures, movies, living history programs - all for free. Right now, I'm on my way to the library to attend an introduction to Tau Chi. So I'll be moving my body as well as listening to an expert in the field.
I love the movement I've seen for experiential "gifts." We live in a world where accumulated things is not making us happy. Spending time doing meaningful things (that can also be free/inexpensive) are FAR more lovely and lasting in all the important areas. If you need to unwrap something, coupons for special days or experiences can be made and wrapped. One of my favorite songs (the whole album is pretty awesome actually) is Rend Collective's True North:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7HTchrZnZA
"I will not let the darkness steal the joy within my soul
I will not let my circumstance become my compass, no
I will not let the fears of life and sorrows of this world
Dictate to me how I should feel
For You are my true north"
Timely posts for me too Kristen, thank you. I tend to stress out & cry out to God. Lately I have been on a roller coaster & at times when I've been down I've been reminded to look around me & I've noticed many blessings & I've just started to remember He IS faithful