How to rack up library late fees
A guide for the uninitiated.
1. Never sign up for email notifications.
Those automated emails that tell you books will be due soon? You don't need those. Just rely on your memory. Or you could put the due date on a calendar that you never look at.
Alternatively, you could just not ever check the email account you signed up with.
2. Instead of renewing right away, put it off.
If you DO happen to read one of those "Your books are due soon!" emails, don't hop on the library website and renew right away. You should probably finish reading your email, throw in a load of laundry, or start on dinner. This will ensure that you totally forget to do the renewal, and eventually the reminder email will get buried in your inbox.
3. Don't have a central location for library books.
The more places your library books live, the better. Kids' bedrooms, the car, under the sofa, in the closets....all of these are great places to lose books. And lost books go back late!
4. Never check your library account before you take your books back.
If you did that, you'd know what's coming due soon and you could make sure to find those books. How will you rack up late fees then?
5. Don't search the house for books before you leave.
Better to just gather the books in easy sight and return those to the library. Some of the books on your living room floor are bound to be the ones that need to go back, right?
Hunting for books takes way too much time.
6. Check out at least 47 books per family member.
More books = more to lose track of = more late fees.
bonus tip: Do a bunch of driving to avoid a $0.25 fine.
If you're into wasting money, then by all means, hop in the car and drive 10 miles to the library to return the book that's due tomorrow. It's not like gas and wear and tear on your car will cost you more than $0.25, so why wait until you'll be in the vicinity of the library for other errands? Make a special trip.
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Got any creative tips for accruing library fines? Do share!
Do move out of the city and forget to return a bag of library books, then get a call from a collection agency 10 years later menacing you to get their money : 125$!!
In all honesty, I didn't remember about the books, so I don't know where they went when I moved, but this did not surprise me as I am knowned to bring books too late and have fees. (But I've gotten soooo much better!)
(and I did pay the 125$ by the way)
That was very funny! I even have my library account bookmarked so it is super easy to click on and renew all but I still manage to procrastinate.....I justify it by knowing the fines will help support my local library.
I was disappointed to learn that in my county, library fines go into the county's general fund - it is not specifically earmarked for the library. So out of the 25 cents/day fine, my library gets just a fraction of a cent!
I toooootally feel you. We got a whopping *$10* (!) late fee a few months ago, and since then we've been extremely cautious! I typically remember by immediately writing the due date in my daily planner, which I use religiously. Well, it turns out that one of the movies we rented was only a 7-day rental, due to high demand. The library only bothered to call us after we racked up a week's worth of late fees!
We've switched libraries now that we've moved, but you can bet that I check our receipt like a hawk now!
7. Check out books from a system that's far away and not convenient, in order to avoid the exorbitant interlibrary loan fee that your home system charges. This works especially well if you could buy the book from Amazon ($.01 + $3.99 shipping) for less than the ILL or the late fee.
Forget to check that the movie discs are in the cases and return only the cases while the disc is still in the player...
My lovely library system (or at least a great librarian) called me directly to inquire, when I did that very same thing. I gave the library a $5 donation on the strength of that consideration.
Our library sends us an email...which I appreciate because I've done it at LEAST 3 times. 🙂 My kids are now at the point of saying "MOM! You left the DVD in again!"
I'm usually pretty good about this, but I do like to play "chicken" with books that can't be renewed because someone else has a hold on them. In our library system, if there are any holds on a book, you can't renew it until that hold is met. For example, there are four copies in the system, all out, and one hold. No one can renew any of the four copies until someone returns one and the hold is fulfilled. Hence, chicken: waiting until the last minute, the last day of the grace period, to see if someone else will "blink" and return their copy. Sometimes it works, sometimes, a late fee.
Yes! I do this too. Heh.
Have a baby the day before you plan to return all your books to the library. Get so busy with newborn and two year old you forget to return books until you've racked up $8.25 in late fees. Yes, yes, this is a true story and happened this month.
That is a VERY good excuse, though. 😉
Ugh. This happened to me when my first son was born.
Ha! Funny post...
I really don't mind paying overdue fines...I know weird! But I love my library and I love working there or going there for some quiet time. I see it as a good donation to one of my favorite places.
The only time I paid a fine was when our daughter lost a book they borrowed and it cost us $7. Even though we're a day late returning a book or a DVD, our library gives us a grace period and waive that fee.
I'm by no means the perfect mom who never lets something completely slip, like a bill, picking up my kid on time, or forgetting to wash their band uniform...But! I did have some simple guidelines when my kids (4 of them) and I went to the library:
5 books max apiece
Save the checkout slips and put on fridge, write the return date on my calendar
Visit the library the same day each week while we were already out running errands
Each kid had their own book bag and had to go gather up their own books for return and put the tote at the front door
My kids always loved the library and we did the summer reading programs, too. I miss those days!
Going regularly helps a lot! Our library is on the way to some things we go to weekly, and that makes it easy to drop books off regularly.
I am avoiding to the library because I owe a $30 late fee for movies I forgot about. I need to get off my butt, suck it up, and go pay my fine.
These are great tips! My mom only allowed us 12 books total among four of us. I think her main motivation was that she could always remember the number of books we needed to hunt down to return (we also had a book depository basket in our house, but books rarely stayed there).
While the limit killed me and my older brother sometimes, it had the added effect of making us think carefully about which books we chose, and therefore more likely to read them in the time allotted.
Kristen, your "sarcastic" posts crack me up! Who wants to save money? Phh!
Gina:
I live in Ohio. Would you be able to come for several days and organize my home and family? It will be fun!
Note: We have two family members who have diagnosed AD/HD, one teenager who is very creative in the arts and in the kitchen (but is stymied in the-putting -things-away department) two dogs - one of whom is trying to do his very best in potty training, an irritable parrot who cannot be potty trained and throws food when mad, and a husband who loves indoor gardening.
Did I mention we are all avid readers who like to drink hot beverages while reading everywhere in the house?
Gina, we need you!
HA! I had a couple of ADHD peeps, too. Let me check my "running away into the night" fund and see if I can swing the plane fare...
Or, as I call them, my voluntary contributions to the library budget.
11. Give them to your wife/husband to return.
12. Believe your wife/husband when they say, "I'll return those books honey." (Yeah right!)
13. Throw them into the front or back of the car. Where in just a few days, weeks, months they become part of the compost composed of McDonalds wrappings, French fries, dog throw up, raincoats, umbrellas, gum, reminder notes, a glove (never a pair of gloves), mail, underwear?, fishing equipment, and on and on!
Go to a library that doesn't give receipts and don't bother noting which books and how many you checked out. Bonus points if you buy your books at the annual library sale and return the wrong ones!
I have one for you. I had a non-renewable audio book that cannot go into the bin due on Saturday - the library is now open on Saturdays. Drive downtown to return items. ALL streets to the Library are blocked off. There is a big party in the park. I tried every which way I could to get there. Finally admitted defeat and returned the audio book on Monday. Paid the fine, knowing it goes to a good cause, but I was a little annoyed.
Oh, I should check if there's anything going on downtown this weekend - I have books due!
Leave a DVD at a rented home on vacation and have to buy the library a replacement one! They gave me a quote to pay them to replace it, but kindly told me I might find it online cheaper....and I did!
I have 2. First, give in and let your kids use their new library card (that is not attached to your email reminder system yet) but don't save the checkout slip or look under their bed before you go to the library. Second, absolutely know that you put the book in the car and returned it to the library. Then 2 months later find the super thin paper back under the front seat of the car after swearing to the librarian that you returned it. They did waive my fine but now when we lose a book I always check the car.
I work in a college library and loaning your card to others to check out things is a guarantee of late fines and/or replacement fees...don't do it!
We would have professors loan library books that they checked out under their own accounts to students, and then students would misplace them or just totally lose them. I always thought they should know better! It was super difficult to get professors to pay replacement fees, too, since we didn't have the same policies prohibiting additional checkouts for them.
Your friend Kate also mentioned a library "frugal fail" yesterday over at the Non-Consumer Advocate!
These are so funny (I actually saved it to my Pinterest humor board!) We're kind of library newbies, but because my little guys want to go frequently to play on the "train" and build at the the Lego tables, and because I'm the big person and can keep the DVDs and books in hard to reach places, no late fees.... Yet!
Better yet, drop off the books at Goodwill by confusing library bag with donation bag and end up paying $75 (even after library discount- original tally would have been $125) for 15 books. By the time we noticed the error, the books couldn't be found on the Goodwill bookshelves...... And yes, I donate to the library anytime I'm asked since their services are valuable to our homeschooling family 🙂
Love this funny post and all the witty comments!
Satire looks good on you. Let you kids talk you in to getting DVDs. They are $1/day and you only get them for a week. Lose one of those suckers and you are all set to be the Fee Queen!
Here's something worse: Check out 7 DVDs for your 1 year old, only actually watch 2 of them, then return them all 3 days late. What was I thinking?!
I'm not sure what I find most funny--your post, Kristen, or all the comments. My system of posting the receipt on the fridge with a magnet (I usually go to the library weekly) typically works for me, except when it doesn't. 😉 About a year ago, I couldn't find one of our books. Anywhere. I begged the librarian to let me pay for the cost of the book and she told me no, that she knew I'd find it somewhere at home, and my late fee would be less than buying the book outright. Lo and behold, she was right--I found it in the same pile of "shtuff" that I had sorted through at least 3 times previously. I think librarians must have great insight into human behavior.
*Not a librarian*
I've worked in libraries a long time. We do. 🙂
Bring a book with you when you pick up unsold consignment sale stuff and don't think of it until your next sale six months later after you've paid for it and then found the book in said stuff. Be sure to take out the deluxe version of a Disney movie that your daughter decides she scares of and then puts the offending disk under the built in non removeable furniture which you can't get a ruler under. It was 32 dollars and I now own the extras disk as I can't get the other disc out!
Download all of your library books to your ipad, nook, kindle or computer. When the books are due, they simply expire. No need to go to the library or use any gas and a million books are available. No more late fees! Happy Reading!
Let someone borrow your library book "just to see if they like it enough to read it later". The closest of friends or relatives will suddenly turn on you when you tell them the book is due and you must have it back, swearing they returned it to you already! Really! And of course, they didn't.
Ooooohhhhh this is a bad mistake. I won't even give my own library lady mama that are checked out on my account - too many horror stories.
I'm always amazed how easy it is for people to completely lose track of books! I don't even like to lend out my own books because I've had several people not return them but swear that they did. Most recently this happened with my mother-in-law, and she ended up finding it somewhere in her house after all and just silently leaving it on our bedside table the next time we visited them...
Read Katy's column and now yours. Remarked to my daughter " I'm amazed how many people have library fees"! She howled with laughter and said her father and I are not normal. I'm 64 years old and only had one fine, for one of her books! I've always been afraid it would go on my "permanent record " lol!
You missed:
- store library books in an expensive-looking briefcase which you leave on the passenger seat in full view while on holiday, thereby inviting some random stranger to break into your vehicle and help themselves
- allow your child to fall in love with an out-of-print picture book and hide said book in a different spot before every trip to the library, thus incurring the epic "irreplacable item" fee after six months of late fees (total cost: $46 in late fees, plus $100 irreplaceable item penalty)
Oh my gracious! A $100 fee? Gah! That would be so frustrating.
As someone who works in a library - that irreplaceable fee for picture books is beyond ridiculous. If they have something that irreplaceable it should not be circulating.
Agreed! In both the public and university libraries where I worked, we would give patrons the option of supplying replacements of lost books themselves, as long as it was the same edition and in decent condition. Out of print books can usually still be purchased on amazon, ebay, half.com, abebooks, etc. Truly rare books shouldn't be in circulation.
How about borrowing a children's book that had a page ripped out and returning it, but forgetting to tell the library it was already damaged when you checked it out and then getting fined for book damage that you can't prove your child didn't do? Yep, that happened to me. 🙁
Or, borrowing library books from 2 different systems (we live near 2 county systems) and returning the books to the wrong library and then swearing you returned the book after your record shows it still checked out? Also happened to me, and after turning the house upside down looking for said book, realizing it might have been put in the wrong library bag and thankfully locating it after calling the "other" library. (Luckily I was able to renew the book while I searched for it, so no fine).
And lastly: the library somehow not checking in a book I really did return (again, after questioning my sanity after thinking I really did return it and turning house upside down) and finally admitting defeat and asking library to check for book on the shelf. Thankfully, I wasn't fined for their mistake, but it caused a lot of anxiety when nobody could seem to find the book at home OR at the library!!
My previous library had a self-check-in system that didn't work half the time so I repeatedly had to fight with them about getting fines for items I had returned on time taken off because they didn't check it in. One time they even said to me "According to the system, you returned in at 9:30 on Saturday." (it was due the day before). The library didn't open until 10 on Saturdays.
My library is Aahhhhhmazing and even has an educator card that allows educators (or homeschool parents) to waive late fees. And my way of racking up fines? We homeschool but don't live within city limits, so I don't qualify for the educator card 🙁
The library is at the other end of my block so I have no excuses! My mom always took out books in multiples of 5, figuring it would be much harder to misplace 5 books than 1, so she didn't need to remember what all she had checked out. I use the same logic and its been working well so far!
In the days before the interwebs and overdue notices...
Give library books to your less-than-reliable teenager brother when he says "I'm going to the library". Why would anybody lie about going to the library? Get $100 book fine 5 years later and try to remember incident above.
Oh man. That would be painful.
Hahaha! Yes! You could also check out books from three different suburban libraries, due within a couple days of each other! Hilarious.
Borrow lots of DVDs or video games because the daily fine on those is much higher.
As a librarian, I can only add: when you do return the books, be sure to complain vigorously about our unfair policies, ridiculously high fines and be sure to tell us how you pay taxes (so do we, btw) and how you're going to complain to someone higher up about your situation. We really enjoy when you do that, it makes our day!
I can only imagine. I always try to be polite and kind to the librarian when I pay my fee...it is not their fault I dropped the ball!
Library clerk here...Also when you find that item that you swear you returned and carried on about our incompetence, sneak it in the drop box rather than come in and own up. Oh and refuse your check out receipt and complain when your books are late. Eighty percent of our patrons are wonderful though. Most will pay their fines easily. It's the ones who will swear at you for 50 cents. Also stop informing the clerks that we make "big bucks" and have a cushy job. Unless you work in a county branch in my town, you don't even make a living wage. Customer service is rough. Thanks to all you courteous people!
Make sure that you return your books to the wrong library (we have two in between us, but two different cities) and then insist that you DID in fact return the books on time- only to realize a few months later that you did return them to the wrong library...of course, only after one of the libraries sent the books to the right library.
Or have your kids return their library books to their school library and then when someone notices it, you've incurred a fine.
Ah...good times....we've probably done all on your list also.
We end up getting our late fees erased when we make donations during the year. Sometimes school supplies or pet supplies for the shelter. 🙂
Our local library is pretty generous about waiving fines and used to have a no late fee policy. However, I fell foul more than once. My middle child is guaranteed to lose anything and everything. Never allow her to borrow. Using within the library is a better choice. Never, never, never loan your book to my mother. She will put the book in a bag and then for some bizarre reason she will then place a cup of tea (unsealed) in the bag. All too sadly true. I have had to replace quite a few books over the years.
I am hoping for Amnesty day. After going blind and suffering a concussion from 3 car wrecks, I am still finding stuff that needs to be returned. Just found four college rental books that are seriously over due. Thankfully the company was just happy to have them back. Good intentions do not always merit proper results.
Sign out books that are on the university reserve list that have $1/hour late fees and cannot be renewed and that you can't return yet because you still need them to finish your research paper you just started that was due 24 hours ago. I racked up $100 one day at university that way.
Once I returned a book in the book drop after closing time. I didn't know that the cat had baptised the book with urine. I received a call the very upset librarian that I had to buy the book. I went right away and paid for it.
Oh man. What an unpleasant surprise for both of you!
I currently have a balance on my card (over $10 therefore I cannot use my card). I just use my daughters. Well now it has a balance. I am trying to do better.
My neighborhood branch used to be tiny and only open 3 days a week. I got into the bad habit of waiting to return the books 'til the night before they open again. So if my books were due Wednesday but the library was closed Thursday & Friday I could drop my books in the book return on Friday night (2 fine free days) We now have a big new branch with modern electronic record keeping and fines begin to accrue on the day they are due no grace period. Old habits are hard to break.
I returned some books late Wednesday night (the day they were due) before thanksgiving. But they ended up fining me four days of being late because of the holiday weekend. 🙁
I accidentally returned my daughter's school library book to the public library. I found out that the public library is so used to this that they save up all of the school library books that they receive and deliver them to the proper schools on a regular basis!
Yes I have seen many school library books returned to the wrong library.
Now a message from the dinosaur era....Years ago....before computerized library systems...our family also used to take out eleventy billion books at a time....I used to write down the name of each book and the due date and post the list on the fridge. Yes somehow, the odd library fine still used to slip through 🙂 Thank goodness for receipts now-a-days!
I teach at our local university in the fall, but not the spring. So I never check my faculty email in the spring. I checked out some books and returned them a month before they were due (faculty members get them out for four months). One of the books had been recalled and they sent me an email telling me to return it. I didn't, so they marked it as lost. Since I don't check my email, I found out when I received a letter from the cashiers office telling me it was going to collections. I owed them $30 because I did return it, but it would have cost me $80 if I hadnt. What? It was for one paperback copy of the Martian. They are making so much money off students.
My eldest could not find a book he'd checked out from the school library last year. So, when the school year ended, and we still could not find the book, we dutifully wrote a check for the replacement fee. Then the book turned up! You'll never guess where! IN HIS BACKPACK. Who would have thought it would have been, you know, there?
It's so hard to find things when they're in sensible places!
Just wanted to offer two tips here.
1. Put a reminder in your phone of the due date.
2. Put the library's phone number in your phone.
I've yet to work in a library in the last 20 years that wouldn't accept over the phone renewal requests. (Unless there are holds on the item or your number of renewals have been reached.)
Thank you for this post. You just gave me a good giggle 🙂
I used to get a lot of late fees for a lot of the reasons you mention. The worst part is that it takes me all of 5 minutes to walk there!
Before I became a librarian, I was the best library patron- I was so diligent about returning books on time and was always mortified the very few occasions I accrued fines. Then I started working in a public library and quickly realized that EVERYBODY accrues fines, most regularly. Late fines were pretty much the only way my library made any money, though, so I stopped feeling embarrassed when I had to pay fines, though it definitely isn't frugal on the patron's part. You could always just think of it as a donation, if it helps you feel less guilty! Ha! We would have patrons complain about paying fines and talk about their "tax dollars paying for these books to begin with," and we would just perform mental eye rolls. Most public libraries (certainly those in smaller communities) have very low budgets and must do a lot of their own fundraising. Anyway, I stay home with my daughter now and am no longer a working librarian, but I keep accruing those late fees, mostly because I don't check the email account frequently where I registered to have reminders sent. I can't change it manually, and always forget to ask while I'm at the library. :/ And like you said, sometimes I know it's the last day to return books, but don't want to drive 20-30 min. away when that is my only purpose for driving.
I actually can't incur late fees because my library system doesn't charge them. I actually kind of wish they did, so then they would have a better selection and computer system.