"You only live once! Spend the money!"
I'd like to hear your comments on your balance between "You only live once" (so spend) and....needing to be responsible and save.
Many thanks!
L
I definitely understand this dilemma! I think it's something common among those of us who are natural-born savers.
I mean, people who struggle to save should probably avoid, "You only live once!" kind of thinking because for spenders, it's way too easy to justify irresponsible spending.
But for people whose default is to save, I do think that, "You only live once!" can be helpful.
Or maybe what is more helpful than that specific phrase is an attitude of mindfulness.
Ask yourself questions
If you automatically go to SAVE ALL THE DOLLARS mode without even thinking, then it can be good to routinely think about the why of your saving.
"What am I saving this money for?"
"Why am I not wanting to spend this money?"
"What's the worst thing that could happen if I spend money on this thing?"
I think the answers to those questions can help you figure out if save or spend is the right choice in a specific situation.
Trying to find the balance between 1) wisely saving for the future and b) enjoying the money now is a challenge, and no on else can really tell you what the right balance is for you.
But questioning yourself is a good first step in figuring that out!
Save for specific purposes
One other thing that really, really helps me is to have money earmarked for particular purposes.
For instance, having a savings fund for home maintenance helps me to not feel like, "Oh, I should save every possible dollar because who knows when our hot water heater will fail!" Those funds help me relax enough to spend in other areas.
And having funds for, say, vacations and gift-giving, help me to feel much better about spending on things that like that, which are not absolute necessities.
(Because natural-born frugal people sometimes have a hard time dropping money on things that feel non-essential, even things like vacations!)
If I know the money is set aside and saved for a vacation, it's so, so much easier for me to happily spend that money.
Remind yourself that money is a tool.
Money is here to be used, not just to be mindlessly amassed.
It's a tool to take care of yourself and your household, to provide for the future, to cover emergencies, to bless others, and yes, also to provide fun and pleasure.
If you're like me, you probably have an easy time remembering that money is a tool for feeding and housing yourself, but a much harder time remembering it's a tool for bringing joy to your life as well.
So, try to remind yourself to keep a versatile money toolbox...money is a tool for practical needs and also for fun, and it doesn't need to be all one or all the other.
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Reader, if you are a diehard saver, what helps you to remember to loosen up and spend sometimes?
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P.S. I just want to add this: Spenders and Savers alike will probably never find exactly the right balance between spending and saving. We both need to move a little more toward the middle, though, rather than staying comfortably at our opposite ends of the spend/save spectrum.
I agree. I'm not sure if I'm more a saver or spender by nature. I spend more(often at least) than my husband, but I'm also I charge of the household purchases, sooo not really sure. Spending makes me feel uncomfortable, lol. But to me there's something kinda pathetic(in the real sense of the word) about dying with tons of money, but having lived the whole time without enjoying the benefits of it or blessing others with it.
I have been on both sides of that conversation! I loosen up my spending by earning a little more money / side hustling and mentally redirecting the earnings to "yes, this is blow money, go nuts at Chipotle this weekend" haha.
It's a get effective method that most people don't deploy for controlling their relationship with money.
I oscillate between the two.
I have a very hard time justifying little expenses, like oh, fancy coffee, my default is that my coffee at home is better (and it is!), but for medium ones, I will build up to them and then one day go for it! but they're usually still functional. Like I got a small increase at work recently, so I decided to splurge and buy some big 2L metal airtight containers for the kitchen. They are price at $72 or so, but all our other metal containers have paid for themselves over many times already, so I justified it as a low price-per-use item. For large ones, like a car, I just 'go crazy' (for me) and have each time bought the best car to meet our needs for 7 seats and in good shape. Yes, I could buy something cheaper but I figure more expensive in better shape leads to less ongoing repairs...
Mostly I don't like shopping. I struggle with the the feeling of success! when I go to a store to buy something, they don't have it and I walk out empty handed. Success yes, I spent no money. But fail, I didn't get the thing I wanted.
My wife and I budget so much to "fun money" but admittedly she's better about having fun with it than I am. I did let myself buy a Nintendo Switch recently and I've been enjoying it when I have the time.
You're totally right on the targeted savings. Having an emergency fund, a house savings fund (for big projects like a roof or something) and a car savings fund really reduces my stress levels.
I find that I’m a lot more inclined to let myself spend on certain things than others. For instance, I do buy my kids nice shoes and clothes because how they look and present themselves is a priority for me. And I will gladly spend money on vacations and other valuable experiences. I also love buying for/giving to others. But I do not like spending money on eating out or anything that will generate clutter in my house. We also drive vehicles that are paid for. I have no desire for a new model vehicle when mine still works just fine. I guess it just all depends on where your priorities lie.
I have a habit of saving, saving, saving, then suddenly finding a strong urge to spend. I've had to work to moderate this form of financial Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde. I think giving oneself an allowance for fun plus setting goals for savings is the safest thing for someone like me to do, to keep me from scrimping too much then going nuts with the urge to spend.
It's never really a bad thing to save or to spend, as long as neither is at the expense of consideration of others, health, ethics, future needs and generosity.
Broad-stroke budgeting rather than itemizing each thing we spend money on was the biggest help for me (hard saver) and my husband (moderate/conservative spender). We have money set aside for savings, house bills, groceries, and tithing, but beyond that we have lump sum and we have to stay within that amount each month, but it's up to us how we spend it. One month we used a lot of it for a bunch of family activities, the next month it was stuff we needed for around the house. This month I've used it for two items that I've wanted to get but didn't feel the freedom when we were super specific with the budget (or when we stopped budgeting) but with this new system, flexibility is built in, and I'm comfortable using some money for these things I've wanted for a few years. I don't panic as much when my husband wants to do something that's "not in the budget" which means he's happier, too, and I know that we're putting away enough money to keep us if worst-case scenarios happen.
Money is a hard topic, especially if you and your spouse aren't wired the same way. We are fortunate that my husband has a very stable job with a good income, and I realize that our ability to use money for fun things is a gift. Often I feel guilty about how much money we have when I look at the majority of the world who live in poverty.
I am a saver and I am frugal. I don't like clutter. I want a minimal amount of good clothes, kitchen items, good furniture. I love a good thrift shop or yard sale. Tech is most distressing because it costs a fortune, relatively speaking, and then is useless in 3-5 years. I will wait for the price drop on the item I want. I love gently used quality items.
I am a spender. I buy good quality because I want it to last. I would rather buy expensive jam use it and wait with no jam to get the next high quality jam than buy lower quality jam. I will buy an expensive shirt or slacks, of course looking for the coupon codes, discount etc. I buy expensive shoes because the health of my feet is important. I enjoy travel and a good restaurant experience to the extent my budget allows. I don't spend on fast food; I would rather eat tuna and toast at home.
Overall I save in many areas, buying fewer items, leverage use of thrift shops, yard sales, and eBay for gently used items so I can spend on experiences and quality.
Cathy and I are almost-twins, with the exception that I'm not fond of thrift shops and yard sales. I'll go to thrift shops for certain goods (non-electronic kitchenware, belts, non-fabric furniture) but so intensely dislike buying clothes that if I had to thrift for them I'd go naked.
I have learned, now that I have a bit of leeway in my finances, to buy convenience sometimes. Go to Target for a belt after Goodwill failed me three times. Buy frozen pizza instead of trying yet again to succeed with homemade. Pay someone else to mend some of my clothes.
OTOH, I'm from long-lived genes and a family history of cancer. Having strong savings for retirement is a must.
My mother was born during the Great Depression on a Nebraska farm. Like many of her generation she was taught to not be wasteful, to reuse, make do or do without. It is VERY difficult for her to spend money. She has a hefty retirement account, and I still get phone calls asking if I think it is ok for her to replace an appliance vs. repair or to take a trip. She has both social security and a pension in addition to her IRAs, so really, she can afford to loosen up the strings a bit. She will not outlive her money. It helps her to get perspective from me and my sister who know her financial situation so we can provide a counter balance to her depression era traits.
I quite understand what you wrote, Susan! My father has a great deal of difficulty spending money, even though he makes more than generous amounts from his retirement accounts, (which he set up very carefully to invest and then ignore for many years).
It is important to him to leave a legacy for his three children. We will absolutely benefit from that, yet as we have told him, that the money is his to spend. He is very slow to do so.
The time and situation of one's growing up can be a major factor in spend-or-save decisions.
My parents and in-laws were the same in terms of wanting to leave money for their children. They were all self-made and most were frugal. We are passing along some of our inheritance early to our grown children to help them through their high cost middle years. Knowing your financial priorities and trying to provide for your own future are so important.
I think this is so, so smart! By the time most people's parents die, they're in a relatively stable financial state. But those expensive years of having multiple kids at home? That's when people could really use an inheritance!
I can attest to how helpful this is. My Grandma, who has now passed, gifted each of her grandchildren $10,000 on two occasions to help decrease her estate, lower her taxes, and help her grandchildren out. We were all in our twenties and thirties at this time and it was a huge blessing to receive this gift during this period of life. I used it help put a large down payment on a home. Because my mortgage ended up being quite low, I was able to pay my house off in 12 years instead of 30.
By the way, my Grandma grew up on a farm as one of 12 children during the Great Depression. She was always frugal and handled her money wisely. I think it was hard for her to "learn" to spend money on non-essentials, but she
did discover that she enjoyed traveling during her retirement years and took some big trips.
This is such a hard concept to balance! My husband has always been a saver. It was instilled in him by his dad, both by word and deed. I also grew up in a home where we didn't spend more than we had, and over all, that is my leaning. We have been self employed for 25 years, and that mentality has been very helpful financially. However...now we are switching gears and will be getting out of the business we've been in for so long and we would like to take a vacation. This will be our first real vacation since our honeymoon (other than a few weekends here and there) and it's going to be very hard to spend money! We aren't planning a lavish vacation, but will be driving across the county for a few weeks. I'm sure motels will seem very expensive, and eating out will not be cheap! We will plan to stay with friends and relatives when we can. But...I sure hope that we can balance our saving habits with spending for a little fun and enjoy ourselves!
Check out http://www.momandpopmotels.com! Often cheaper and nicer than the chains.
What I find helps with holidays is to agree on a budget/spend amount. That way when I'm stressing about going out to a restaurant again or splurging on an activity - my husband will just remind me that we haven't spent x amount yet, and I can relax.
I wouldn't call myself a diehard saver, but I do aim to be frugal whenever possible. When I do splurge I ask myself a few questions first:
1. Have I reached my savings goal this month yet?
2. Is it something I can afford without going into debt?
3. Is it something that is rarely available otherwise? (This doesn't always apply but for some items I consider it, such as buying myself a lily-of-the-valley bouquet in Spring.)
4. Is there something else I already have that I can use in its' place?
5. Will I truly enjoy/use it or am I just buying for the sake of buying something?
I tend to be on the not spending end. We had to be frugal for so many years. Then we got to the point where every family member could have an allowance so I could blow mine without guilt. Now, at age 71, I can finally spend money on whatever I want because all those years a go we did such a good job of saving for retirement. But my wants are not extravagant after all those years of being frugal.
I LOVE this post, especially the concept of money being a tool. I agree that it's a balancing act, and that it's pretty much impossible to get right all the time. For me, it comes down to one basic concept - I try to save money on things that don't matter so that I have money available for the things that do. Of course, sorting out which things matter and which don't can be a bit tricky, so I always just try to ask myself "how much impact will this thing (or experience) have on my life?"
Recently I decided to upgrade my bedding - I've been lusting over a feather bed for at least 30 years now, so I finally decided that even though I don't "need" it, $100 was not really that much money especially if it meant I'd get better sleep (which it has.) While I was at it I decided to splurge and get a duvet that was actually big enough for my bed - what a difference!
For me, though, the hardest part is when I'm trying to solve a problem. I often end up spending more money than I want on things that don't end up fixing the problem at all. That's where it gets frustrating, and I guess that's where the part about not being able to get it right all the time comes into play.
I think the feather bed sounds like a fabulous purchase. Enjoy it!
I'm a spender, that's why I read your blog! A year or so ago I added frugal and financial blogs to my reading list to encourage change and balance the style and interiors blogs that encourage spending.
My parents had twisted money habits which I suffer from. Not feeling comfortable with either my spending or saving. I know it's a positive to even be thinking about finances, but I haven't come to a balance that allows me to spend without guilt and save without feeling 'limited'. It's a work in progress.
Argh, finding balance is so hard. I'm a natural saver and my husband is a natural spender. It's worked out this way, actually, because we balance each other out. 🙂
For me, I opt to spend money if it's a concern of quality, safety, or significant time savings.
If buying something or having an experience gives you joy, then it's a wise spend. And I totally agree it's a personal choice about what gives joy. The problem I see with many spenders is they spend seeking joy and never find it, because in most cases joy cannot be purchased. Subscribing to yolo doesn't always equal happiness, sometimes it's just an excuse to spend.
Oh yes, I struggle - naturally frugal! But earlier this year I decided my mortgage pay off was within reach 1-2 years away, and to knuckle down to pay it off.
Things I've 'allowed' myself that aren't the most frugal option: daily take away coffee, prepared meal plan (5 days of lunches and dinners, healthier than eating out, and gets over my lethargy to cook healthy for one), owning a car (didn't until 18 mths ago), occasional ubers & taxis home from the train stations (cold, wet, sore feet, tired).
Things I smack myself mentally for spending on: any clothing bought new, even buying second hand clothes cause seldom a 'need' more an 'opportunity' to refresh wardrobe at lower cost, gifts (agh! esp for friends - family & partner I have no budget and happy to splurge to get it right), new shoes (why can't I have some minute quantity and find it sufficient?), any snacks purchased as they usually deviate from my eating plan/challenge, hair cut/colour (why am I so vain, when should I go grey naturally?)
Things I'm weird about: I dislike over-catering, including when I'm asked to take a dish to something (it's waste as much as money), cleaning chemicals (why can't the cleaner use vinegar? Cleaner is a legacy I'm familially obligated too, that cost I'm ok with), entertainment (2017 I set a goal to do something cultural each month and didn't worry about the cost/budget), parking (I HATE parking fees, and also get parking fines occassionally), manicures/pedicures (again, so vain)
I'm a naturally frugal saver and often classify things as essential or not. My husband is a spender but not in an irresponsible way.
We recently got married and when we started talking about a honeymoon, I just didn't see the point of taking one. I knew we were both working hard and needed a break but I thought taking a day off work to hang out together was sufficient. He urged me to consider the deal he'd found on an 8 day cruise. We had the cash and our wedding was very simple and frugal. I'm so glad he convinced me.
We booked the cruise and 2 weeks later (3 weeks before the wedding) my younger brother passed away. He was 36 with special needs and my only sibling. I was very close to him and it was hard moving through that season with such a mixture of grief and excitement.
Fast forward to our first day in port. We've rented a golf cart and we've pulled over to take a look at this incredible caribbean beach and the first words out of my mouth were "I'm so glad you suggested this cause I'm definitely not thinking about money right now." It was the week off we both so desperately needed for our physical and mental health.
We'll continue to cook most meals at home and use coupons to save, but I'm also learning that I need to find the why of doing all those things. And when he finds awesome travel deals, I'm learning to listen!
That's so cool you are growing together, sorry to hear about your brother it is a challenge when there is a mix of good and sad in your life at the same time so glad for you you went
Greatest condolences on the loss of your brother, Nan. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you have many good memories of him.
Another thing your husband provides to enhance your frugality is anticipation. Anticipating him finding a deal, and anticipating your next trip, are a big part of enjoying them. Studies (seriously, though I don't quite know who studies such things) have shown that the preparation is a big part of the excitement of traveling.
I'm both.
I don't like spending money on groceries but I have too : I live with a foodie and we are 3 gluten-free eaters (by need). We also eat a lot of produce and my husband likes certain things to be organic. So I let you do the math....
I also am not big on spending for toys and trickets for the kids so this happens on birthdays and Christmas only. I do not spend a fortune on clothes, I prefer to shop thrifted. I don't buy books (yay library!), fancy makeup and body products (I'm low maintenance). I don't pay for services like esthetician, hairstylist, etc (because, again, low maintenance). I personally don't really care for fancy vacations but, then again, hubby does more than me, so... Etc!
I spend on: good shoes for myself and the kids, quality equipments (like kitchen appliances, car, etc) because they last longer and function better. I allocate money towards experiences rather than material. We love to eat out and it's costly, so we go once or twice a month only. But we treat ourselves with this. I pay for a car because I need one and it's a good one because I want it to be reliable. But it's a basic model (...so they say!). I pay for healthy food because of health. Etc!
for a lot of my life I oscilated between periods -sometimes quite extended of dedicated saving then having a big splurge. I'm trying to learn more of a balance & this year I have budgeted for myself $25 week pocket money. I wish I had known more about money growing up; saving & investing as it would have made such a difference to my life & choices now. It think the reality is that a lot of people (including myself once) live beyond their means with no consideration to a plan for the future. There are no guaranteed investments but I think a good rule of thumb is give away 10%, save 10% for the future & live on the 80%. I didn't do that so I spent probably 10 years saving a LOT to make up time but I think I will have to watch the pennies for a while yet.