WIS, WWA | a pleasing pear
What I Spent
First, I just want to give a little shoutout to this pear; all of us thought it looked like one you'd see in a painting.
I spent:
- $30 on a Hungry Harvest box
- $17 at Mcdonald's (on Easter. Ha.)
- $30 at Mod Pizza
- $20 at Aldi
- $16 at Safeway
What We Ate
Saturday
Zoe and I had a girls' night out and we got Mod Pizza together. 🙂
Sunday
Easter. Gonna be honest, I had a rough day.
I visited a church with a friend, and I knew it was quite a conservative church, with very conservative views on marriage and women. But I thought, "Eh, Easter Sunday should be fine. Marriage isn't gonna come up."
I was...wrong.
The pastoral prayer was all about marriage, and the dude that was praying said a bunch of things like, "God, we know your will is to bring healing and restoration to every marriage, no matter how hopeless."
And I wanted to scream because I now know that some marriages need to be dissolved, and I wish that I had realized this sooner. Messages like this, from the church, are part of what made my marriage go on as long as it did.*
I could tell you a lot about all the feelings this brought up in me and the frustrations with how the whole evangelical system approaches marriage (and maybe I will write about all of that one day), but ugh, I was not feeling too good after that service.
Luckily, the girls had very flexible expectations of Easter anyway and...we ended up getting McDonald's. Heh.
(*Do not misunderstand me: I value marriage highly and I don't think it should be discarded lightly. But at the same time, I do not think every marriage should always be continued, no matter what. I think that's a harmful, unhelpful message.)
Monday
Zoe was at work and Lisey was out, so I was scrolling through my restaurant apps, taking stock of my birthday-month-perk options. And then I noticed that Noodles and Company had sent me a free entree that didn't even have anything to do with my birthday.
SWEET.
So, I popped in there and ate a pasta dish by myself, while reading my book club selection.
Tuesday
I made King's Hawaiian baked sandwiches, using Aldi's version of the rolls, and I'm happy to say they worked great. Salad on the side.
Wednesday
Unfortunately, when I customized my Hungry Harvest box, I neglected to notice they'd put more potatoes on the list.
OH NO.
And here I had only jussssst gotten through my potato backlog. Sigh.
So I roasted some potatoes, cut up some produce, and bought a rotisserie chicken and that was dinner.
Thursday
The girls were out, so I just scrounged in the fridge; mostly I ate up the rotisserie chicken (topped with some sauce, of course).
Friday
Zoe's dog-sitting for the weekend, so it'll just be Lisey and me here for a few nights. Hmmm...maybe we should eat some shrimp (which Zoe is allergic to!)
I'm so, so sorry for what happened on your Easter Sunday morning. Hugs to you.
And yes, that IS a beautiful pear!
Looking at the menu board on our fridge showing planned meals for Monday-Saturday of this week... not a single one has happened yet. Ha! Which is why the "what I actually ate" posts are better.
Saturday - After finishing our hardwood flooring, my brother came over and helped us clean up more branches from our February ice storm. It was a beautiful afternoon, so we grilled burgers and asparagus and I took our air fryer out on the back deck and made crinkle fries. Unfortunately, the deck was in the shade by dinnertime and we ended up being chilly out there! But it was fun to be outside.
Sunday - Easter at my parents' house. We just brought the ingredients to make resurrection rolls. Instead, we had what I call Saturday rolls... Our marshmallow were past their best by date and didn't disappear! Lesson learned.... make sure the marshmallows are fresh.
Monday - I was sick and my husband brought home Little Casaers, much to the excitement of my 9yo.
Tuesday - Chicken noodle soup because that's all I felt up to making or eating!
Wednesday - Leftover ham from Sunday, yellow pepper slices, and pineapple
Thursday - I worked a catering event where I had a slice of pizza for dinner, my husband was also working, and my mom took the kids to Wendy's.
Friday - Maybe we'll actually eat what's planned??? It's supposed to be another beautiful day, so I'm hoping to grill hot dogs and brats with veggies and fruit on the side.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I came from a very conservative church( as a child) and so much about sin was focused on sexual sin and ways to keep women down. I don’t think all of it was intentional, but rather a long history of misogyny.
I remember one young woman got a divorce (due to abuse and abandonment) and was asked to leave. But an older, long-standing member (read wealthy) got one and nothing was ever said.
This isn’t helping you but I did want to share that I empathize with the pain this caused you and pray it never turns you away from Christ. His church on earth often doesn’t embody Him
@Vallie D, Your whole message but particularly the last sentence is so wise and comforting! Thank you!
@Vallie D, Your words brought tears to my eyes. Grateful you shared.
Ha! Shoutout to the pear! I love it.
Kristen,
I'm sorry about your Easter experience. It was uncalled for. Sometimes I wonder if/when unfair treatment of females will end. A lot of progress has been made over the decades but there is still a long way to go. I hope the rest of your week was better.
I had McDonald's for Easter about five years ago. My mom was in the hospital 1,000 miles from where I live and I was with her but nothing else was open for Easter. That Southwest Chicken salad was okay that day. I've also had McDonald's on Christmas day, the only place open when we visited my MIL after traveling early that day. That day was capped off by dinner at DD at a Chuckies service station while on the road. Christmas is an even harder day to find a meal. It's all okay.
@K D, I remember one Christmas we had Chinese food! It was delish. Holidays are so food-centered aren't they? This year I think the foods for mine will be drastically different, if for nothing more than to shake things UP.
@K D, I loved McD's Southwest chicken salad. Unfortunately during the pandemic they dropped all salads. (It doesn't do me much good anyway considering the closest fast food is an hour away anyway.) Still. The Southwest salad was a treat for me. Annoyed it's gone.
@gina, In my experience, Chinese restaurants are always open on Christmas! Because no one else is. They have the eat in and take out market all to themselves.
I would love to hear your thoughts on the church and marriage. I am honestly alarmed at how many people I know personally that have gotten divorced because of abuse- being married to Christian men, sometimes leaders in the church. Thankfully each person I know had a church that was supportive to them (the woman), but I know that is not always the case. And blanket statements like that guy made praying would totally sting when you've walked a hard road! I'm glad you got some McDonald's and I appreciate seeing a Happy Meal- I still get those sometimes at 32!
100% on the meddling message about marriage! It would have made my blood boil, tho I was never divorced. Mark and I did not live the charmed life and TBH, many times I wondered how we managed and I truly have no answer for it. But I don't believe for a minute that it was from divine healing and restoration. Anyway! What I planned to cook and what we actually ate did not exactly match up this week:
Monday - was going to make pizza, but did not...I bought fried chicken and we ate half and I froze half. I made my owns sides because I was feeling cheapo.
Tuesday - bought some fully cooked burger patties from HEB and made cheeseburgers on the leftover buns from Sunday, alongside chips.
Wednesday - Made a pasta dish with turkey sausage, marinara, and mini farfalle with kale as the side. Froze leftover pasta for lunches.
Thursday - Fish Tacos (Tilapia, finely shredded cabbage, salsa, shredded monterrey jack, butter tortillas), creamy corn
Tonight - Korma Chicken, rice, zucchini. I'm headed to HEB after work to pick up my grocery order for next week, which came out to $45ish, but I already know I will eat out for lunch next Monday.
Saturday and Sunday - KITCHEN CLOSED*
It's been a week to say the least! And I am so happy its Friyay!! Happy weekend,
https://cannaryfamily.blogspot.com/
@gina, I read your post and wanted to congratulate you on your new job! And that is a beautiful little nest charm, BTW.
On marriage--I really liked the priest who married us (24 years ago this Sunday); he was a pretty new priest and could remember having dated while discerning his vocation, and during the homily at our wedding Mass he said something that made everybody in our families just squirm! He said, "Marriage is hard. It's a vocation, and like any vocation you have to work at it. Work is hard. These young people may have hard times ahead, and they may come to you and talk about those hard times. Don't tell them marriage isn't work. Support them. It's not a fairy tale, and they're going to need to work to make their marriage strong." Oh, nobody liked hearing that! They were there to hear flowery words about love and God's blessings and happily-ever-after. But I loved that he said that, and I have always remembered it during the hard times.
@Karen A.,
What the pastor said at your wedding should be said at all weddings! He spoke the hard truth!
@Karen A.,
AMEN!!
@Karen A., That reminds me so much of a Mothers' Day sermon many years ago. I went to hear how wonderful mothers are. In the old days, every mother got an orchid at church on that day. That custom had long ago been dropped. Nevertheless, many years of attending and being primed for praise got me ready to feel good about myself. But instead he started the sermon with "You mothers are not doing your job! You are more interested in your social lives than in your children. You think that dropping them at the mall with your credit card is parenting and you are failing! It went on and on, including a slap at single mothers.
Well, I left church very down trodden. I had done most of what he said was wrong and I also was hearing the message that we were entitled to our own lives and taking "care" of ourselves. So I was conflicted - still am. I continued to do the best I could as a mother and keeping my career, my education and my marriage on track. What a load we all bear!
So time passed and my children are grown. One is a doctor, the other a CPA. They are now in the conflicting space I was in at one time, doing the best that they can. I would never tell them or anyone else that they weren't doing their job as a mother!
Oh my goodness, what a terrible message to sit through.
People are very, very rarely motivated to change from shame, and yet many people continue to try to use it as a tool. Shaming messages usually just make us shut down and get stuck.
@Maryanne, Oh gosh, what a depressing message to give on Mother's Day. How much better is it to say to mothers, "Look, being a mother is hard. Being a parent is hard." I mean, how difficult is it to recognize that one of the most important jobs--being a parent--is hard work sometimes? And we're not going to get it right 100% of the time. But if you're trying your best, and sometimes the best you can do is less than you'd like to do, you're being a good parent.
@Karen A., @Maryanne, @Kristen,
All very well said. Being a parent is hard work, full stop. I think moms often find themselves being criticized no matter what they choose.....stay at home moms are made to feel "less than" or not doing enough, while working moms are criticized for not putting their kids front and center. I follow a mom-related podcast that has a Facebook page, and multiple FB subgroups - one of their tag lines is "you're doing a great job". We all need to hear that from time to time (spouses and parenting partners, too). Maryanne, I'm sorry you had to hear that sermon at all, but particularly on that day.
@Karen A.,
Hard disagree. I would rather be single than that be true, and yet I’ve been married 23 years with no regrets. A vocation doesn’t have to be hard either— work can be rewarding too. It’s just that most of us have to work whether or not the job is a good fit. We don’t have to marry… or, for most of us, stay married.
@Karen A.,
We had a fantastic priest too. During our pre-marriage classes, he talked about how WE are each other's priorities first.
Not our extended families and not our children, should we have children. US. That our kids will grow and leave the house and if we didn't take care of our marriage, it would fail. Our kids would be great, if we were great.
We've based our marriage on those talks.
@Mary, 100% agree with you that not everyone needs to marry, or even should marry. My brother, in particular, after an emotionally abusive relationship that ended badly, was looking forward to a life of happy bachelorhood---he often said he was going to be our kids' "crazy fun single uncle." Sadly, he passed away, but I don't think, if he had lived, he would have felt called to the vocation of marriage.
I think we can all agree that relationships, no matter which kind, require emotional work, compromise, and sacrifice on the part of both parties. I too have no regrets about marrying, but I will acknowledge that I've had to change and grow as a person during the course of my marriage, and so has my spouse. And yes, it's been very rewarding! But I've had to do emotional work. It's a fallacy that many fall into, thinking that you fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after, so when they have hard times in their marriage--due to stress, job loss, illness, or just life--they think "this isn't supposed to be hard, I want out," or they blame the other person. **OF COURSE this excludes abuse, physical and emotional, and wanton neglect. I agree with Kristen and many others that in marriages where one person does not not want to put in the emotional work of building and maintaining the relationship, then separation is necessary for the health and safety of those concerned.
Our priest really wanted to stress, I think, that many marriages falter because the couple feels they can't reach out to their family members for support FOR their marriage--not support for divorcing if it's tough (NOT abusive). Anyway, those are my thoughts, and I certainly respect your opinion. You and I have been married about the same length of time! Congratulations. 🙂
Yes, I think there's a regular sort of "hard" in relationships...just navigating the normal ups and downs. And then there is the "hard" that comes in a dysfunctional relationship and that is a WHOLE'nother level of difficult.
And at this point, I do not think that I have a very good idea of the line between the two. I experienced the latter, but mentally categorized it as the former, so I have some learning and unlearning to do.
@Karen A., "Emotional" abuse is such an ill-defined thing. Obviously, it occurs, but it's such an easy thing to claim. Yes, that's correct, my ex claims I emotionally "abused" him by....getting angry when he cheated on me for the third time. First time I was pregnant with our first child, second time was years later and I tearfully asked him why he had these messages on his phone from our neighbor and he told me, "I would never do anything to threaten our family," and third time...he left. Because I'm a strong woman and he's (apparently) a weak man, people believe him when he says he had to leave because I emotionally abused him. Yes, I did get angry when he spent marital money on flying his floozie out to meet him on business trips. Sigh. And the counselor we went to see to patch up our marriage hated me because I wouldn't say I was as bad as him.
It is true that people sometimes use the term loosely, but there are actual definitions of emotional abuse. Lundy Bancroft's book Why Does He Do That is a helpful resource on that front. Emotional abuse can be rather overt, but it can also be covert, which is a little harder to get your brain around. But ultimately, every form of abuse has at its root a sense of entitlement on the part of the abuser; the abuser thinks he is entitled to what he wants, regardless of how much it hurts the abusee.
Having an emotional response when you are cheated on is most definitely not emotional abuse, though; that's just a normal reaction to being hurt.
And: I am so sorry you were cheated on. That is a hard wound to recover from.
I'm so sorry for your experience on Easter. I 100% agree with you that marriage shouldn't be discarded lightly, but the message that a marriage should never be ended is just harmful, and it's disproportionately harmful to women. Abuse doesn't always look like emergency room visits with broken bones/black eyes, which is unfortunately something that many people do not seem to understand. Again, I'm sorry that happened to you.
Saturday: We used my Christmas present from my M-I-L and had dinner at The Melting Pot before going to see Cats (which was awesome, and I'm loving the experience vs. stuff Christmas present idea).
Sunday: We went to Olive Garden.
Monday: Crockpot cube steak and gravy with carrots and onion. And mashed potatoes, cooked in a second crock pot.
Tuesday: French dip sliders on King's Hawaiian rolls, cucumber salad, and deli potato salad.
Wednesday: It was a very hectic work day for both of us, so we ordered Panera for dinner.
Thursday: A veggie pasta casserole concoction that was delicious.
I have no idea about tonight. I have to go by Sam's Club on the way home, so I'm thinking maybe a pizza from there.
Kristen, I am sorry to hear about your experience at Church on Easter. Hopefully, the McDonalds meal cheered you all up! I love when non-traditional things become traditional. Easter trip to McDonalds sounds like fun to me!
As for the sermon, I can understand how disheartening it was to hear. There are plenty of evangelical churches that preach otherwise. I found my current church while I was going through a divorce. The first time I attended, the sermon was on marriage and thankfully the Pastor did caveat that there are situations that one should leave the marriage (and not just the specific biblical ones). I cried for lots of reasons, but I did feel better about my situation after that sermon.
Dinners this week included:
1. Stuffed zucchini
2. Kielbasa, potatoes and broccoli sheet pan meal
3. Grilled chieken salad
4. Leftover baked ziti
5. Shrimp corn showder
6. I no longer remember
7. Tonight will probably be salad. We love salad when the weather is warm!
I’m so sorry you had such an experience, Kristen. How on earth does that pastor know what God’s will is? Is he God? I do believe that far too many Christians fall into the trap of thinking the church is God, which violates the first commandment. I agree with another post, I hope experiences like this will not drive you from the mercy of Christ.
The year I moved from Arizona to New York, my mom drove with me. We left Christmas Day, and so our Christmas dinner was at a Sonic somewhere in New Mexico. I very much enjoyed having a milkshake for Christmas.
No milkshakes at our house this week, but a very traditional holiday meal for Easter.
Saturday: I had taken out some sirloin steak that I had cut into thin strips. I used those, plus the paprika from dyeing Easter eggs, onions, sauerkraut, and sour cream to make something like goulash. Two kids ate that with egg noodles before going to serve at the incredibly long Easter Vigil Mass. My husband had some split pea soup from the freezer before going with them. The three of us at home had the last of the neverending chili with some bread and butter.
Sunday: Happy Easter ham, scalloped potatoes, green salad with vinaigrette, green peas, chiffon cake (thanks, JD, for the idea!) with chantilly cream and rhubarb/peach sauce. How happy did it make me to use some of my rhubarb for the cake, and a spear of asparagus and parsley from the garden in the salad. SO HAPPY. I just love eating season in the garden.
Monday: Our last gallon of milk started to separate, so I made ricotta with it. Since I had the ricotta, I made a meat sauce. And since I had the meat sauce, I made spaghetti. Meal planning, Going Country style.
Tuesday: I was baking bread, so I made hamburger buns with some of the dough. And that's why I made cheeseburgers. There were also carrot sticks.
Wednesday: Leftovers of various sorts, including sandwiches made with some of the meat sauce that were surprisingly good.
Thursday: Almost the last of the sausages I brought back from our Christmas trip to Texas--one package of boudin, one of smoked beef. Also leftover scalloped potatoes, and a green salad with vinaigrette.
Tonight: Don't know yet. Maybe something will start to go bad or something will be ready from the garden and I'll get an idea. That's usually how it goes for me. 🙂
@kristin @ going country, P.S. I was trying to think of how to respond to your frankly awful story about church on Easter . . . I'm going with: I do not agree with that sermon; I do not agree with dangerously generalized advice couched as pious rectitude; and I'm sorry your day was shadowed by it.
That's the issue, I think; when we don't allow for the idea that it's not one size fits all. There are exceptions to a general rule.
I hesitate to comment but most here are polite in discussions so I will add my two cents on your unacceptable Easter church experience. I always thought religion was supposed to be about love , kindness and tolerance but suddenly it's about control and politics. A prayer like you experienced on Easter is akin to the altar calls I've experienced at several recent funerals. Religion should be leading us but it's tearing us apart.
@Bobi, I second what you said. It's close to how I feel myself, and I'm frankly so flabbergasted by what happened to Kristen that I don't trust my own words at the moment.
@Bobi, I agree with you. IMHO, it's not faith in God that is the problem, though, it's the institutionalization of religious structures. It attracts those who just want to wield power over others, and get money from them.
@A. Marie,
Same here. My BFF, who is Catholic, is going through a divorce right now, after years of single/couples/family counseling, and years of what sounds like abuse (the non-physical kind) to her and physical abuse (and the threat of same for years) to their son. She, fortunately, has a caring and compassionate priest that is one of her counselors, as well as loving friends and family helping her through this. The thought that *every* marriage should be continued, no matter what, just makes me furious. Kristen, I too am so sorry you had to experience that.
Just sending more support and care to you. I am so sorry for what happened on Easter. I wish you could have been at my church, where we talked about the hope that comes after death - not just literal death, but losses of every kind (including marriages). I'm so sorry you didn't have the support you needed.
Sorry you had a rough holiday. It's so punitive, to women in particular, to insist that all marriages endure.
Monday: I think we had eggs and assorted leftovers from the weekend.
Tuesday: Mr. B made scrambled eggs, and we set out cheese, fruit, and matzah. Simple.
Wednesday: Meatballs. No side dishes.
Thursday: Passover ended, so we had takeout pizza!
Tonight: Meatball subs, green beans on the side.
@Meira @ meirathebear, Pizza rises to new heights of deliciousness the minute Passover ends!
Hope you enjoyed the holiday.
@Meira @ meirathebear, my birthday fell on first night Passover; I always hope that my birthday will not fall during Passover. I prefer a "normal" cake as opposed to a Passover one.
@Meira @ meirathebear, ah the end of passover. a real blessing. i miss pizza and pasta so much. we had seder at home as my mother in law was at her son's house in arizona. my kids participated so much and my daughter recognized things she chanted at her bat mitzvah in 2021. i worried so much that it wouldn't be good enough but it was grand.
Sunday I started my dad as the #1 person in the door at Urgent care!! Got my ear infection diagnosis and got to the 24/7 pharmacy in record time. Was so grateful that the plans were husband to smoke Turkey and Chicken for supper! Ate that with IP mashed taters, roasted veggies and the baked beans and cake my mom brought over.
Monday-I diced up and friend a package of bacon from the freezer.. Make turkey cobb salad for me and when the kids got home from track and groaned at leftovers they brightened up they could top a wrap/salad with bacon...
Tuesday- Kids went to wing night before track meet, husband and I ate... leftovers!
Weds-Still had mashed potatoes in the Fridge and leftover bread in the freezer so I tossed a beef roast in the crock pot and we ate shredded beef and gravy over potatoes with green beans and corn...
Thursday-burger sliders, steamed cauliflower, waffle fries and fresh strawberries and pineapple.
Friday- Heading to a huge multi school track invitational.. probably pack sandwiches
I’m so sorry for your Easter church experience. That strikes me as so incredibly insensitive. It reminds me of the way that days like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can take over a service to the extreme pain of those who are dealing with difficult family situations or infertility and loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you continue to heal and hopefully are able to be part of a church that is more supportive and sensitive to where you are.
First, I am so sorry that you had to experience that at church, especially on Easter. Goodness!
The pear does indeed look like a painting. And your food pics are pretty appetizing too!
What we ate:
Saturday - Mac and cheese from the box, but doctored up. I forget what we had with it. It had been a busy day so I pushed the easy button.
Sunday - Decided to do something different and had brunch foods, even though we didn't eat till mid-afternoon. We had a breakfast casserole that had cheese, eggs, bacon and hash browns, strawberry swirl coffee cake, deviled eggs and fruit salad. (My daughter brought the eggs and fruit salad.). And for dessert, strawberry pavlova.
Monday - I tried an easy spaghetti recipe that I found on The Occasional Nomad blog. Basically bake the (uncooked) spaghetti and meatballs (I just crumbled the hamburger) in the oven. With salad on the side.
Tuesday - My husband's small group met here and one of the guys brought pizza, so I had a slice of that.
Wednesday - supper at church
Thursday - Leftovers of the spaghetti bake with fresh fruit on the side
Friday - I defrosted the freezer yesterday, and found more leftovers. So it'll be an easy supper tonight.
So sorry about the Easter church service! I agree, that sometimes marriages just need to dissolve. Honestly I have had a really hard time in my own marriage over the years, and also wonder how we have made it through some really rough times. Hope you have a good weekend:)
Marriage is a privilege not a right. What works for one doesn't work for another. No one should be guilted into staying in a marriage. Marriage is an agreed upon relationship that has to meet both individuals needs or wants. I respect those who leave! It is better to be a healthy individual than an unhealthy couple. Shame on that pastor for having such a narrow perspective on marriage! Kristin hold your head up for doing a difficult task! You will survive and will find happiness in your new adventures. I have confidence in your abilities.
For the ham sandwiches, do the buns get soggy? They look delicious, but soggy bread is one thing I just can't handle.
We attended church for many years, and I felt shame for so many years for having our son out of wedlock. One pastor, and we went there for a few years :/, wouldn't even marry couples that they knew had premarital relations. So at age 19, we went to a church unwilling to help young adults with children "right their lives". The people there were great and friendly, but I felt so much shame.
I don't find them soggy! You spread mayo on the rolls, and the cheese does melt, but it's not soggy in the way that something wet, not greasy, would make them soggy.
I think some special treat foods are in order after your Easter pain!
I read an interview with Anne Landers or Dear Abby/forgot which one, as she looked back on her writing career. When asked what changed over the years, she said that in the beginning of her columns, she never would have recommended divorce. As she heard more stories, she realized that sometimes, it was the appropriate choice. Wishing you all the best, always!
Well, if it is God's will to bring healing to all marriages, then He sure drags His feet on a lot of them!
Sunday: I had "Easter" salad at a restaurant. My daughter had short rib French dip with fries, and my son had steak and eggs. (Basically like a Cobb salad. I've been in a salad mood lately.) Two Bloody Marys, which was one too many. The first one was so delicious, with Kristen's Brother Approved® tons of black pepper, as well as horseradish, I ordered another and then realized I didn't really want it.
Monday: Pizza
Tuesday: Homemade mac and cheese, broccoli
Wednesday: Chicken parm with spagh, salad
Thursday: Blueberry pancakes with bacon and sausage
Friday: NYTimes recipe for roast chicken with cognac. Roast carrots, not sure about starch.
@Rose, I have to say, your first sentence there made me laugh out loud. I do love your wit.
@Karen A.,
Me too!
@Rose,
Amen to that first line! 🙂
@Lea, Me too!
I'm neck deep in evangelical churches where I live, and I always hear that there are some instances in which a person should just get out of a marriage, most especially in the case of any kind (not just physical) of abuse. Our local churches strongly support the local refuge house for women and children escaping bad domestic situations. I'm sorry you had to hear that, especially when you are still so raw from your wounds. Please don't take one guy's prayer as the doctrine of the whole church necessarily, unless their church's doctrinal statement actually confirms it. I feel sure there were other divorced people in that congregation who didn't appreciate his remark either. I'm not sure why that subject even came up during an Easter service... wouldn't resurrection and salvation be more likely topics?
That is a beautiful pear, by the way. God gave you a little gift of beauty!
Okay, WIA:
Pork cubed steaks, with sauteed zucchini and roasted sweet potatoes.
Uncured bacon, beet greens and carrots from my raised bed.
An AIP version of chicken tikka masala (Cook2Nourish, Indira Shyju) on a bed of cauliflower rice. I had this twice and had it for lunch, too, with and without other sides.
I found uncured hot dogs on sale and had them twice with cassava "potato chips" and jicama sticks.
Tonight will probably be a sandwich or something, because I'm brining a turkey and it will be a little late to eat when I get it cooked. I bought the turkey right after Thanksgiving and figured now is the time to get it out of the freezer and cook it. Unless something bad happens, expect to see turkey figuring largely in my menu next week.
Saturday - went to a play date and the other family treated us to pizza!
Sunday - Easter dinner at my MIL house. My SIL roasted a turkey (she still has turkeys left from the over-ordering mishap at her grocery store). We had mashed potatoes, salad, fruit salad, asparagus, corn, and rolls with it. SIL also had a cake fail so she chopped it up into pieces, mixed with berries and topped with whipped cream, it was a delicious save!
Monday - chicken thighs, steamed broccoli and carrots, leftover Kraft for kids, crescent rolls
Tuesday - tacos with beans or chicken, rice a roni, corn
Wednesday - did not have time to make dinner before going to an event I was running, so husband took the kids to Taco Bell for dinner and I made eggs and toast when I got home later
Thursday - bbq meatballs with cheese grits, frozen mixed veggies, chopped salad kit
Friday - chicken and rice salad
Kristen, I am so sorry you had to endure that on Easter. (((Hugs)))
WIS: $104 at Food Lion. Friends, I pushed the easy button and bought a bunch of healthy frozen power bowl-type meals because my arthritis was making cooking look as appealing as a hike up Everest. It was expensive but worth it.
WWA: Fresh veggies, grapes, oranges, nuts, dried fruit, cheese, some lovely smoked ham, homemade 10-grain bread (three cheers for the bread machine), the aforementioned power bowls and some protein shakes. Mini ice cream sandwiches for desserts.
If Vermeer were to paint a pear (and I'm sure he did at one time or another), he would definitely pick Kristen's pear as his model.
Easter is about Jesus' resurrection & I haven't read in any of the gospels about marriage being included in the resurrection, just grace & forgiveness. Sorry that you were subjected to that type of sermon on Easter Sunday.
Have been eating kind of strange meals, finishing up some of the foods I stocked up on prior to surgery. Hubs & I have eaten, maybe not tremendously balanced meals, but we haven't eaten out. Will spend the money we have not spent on eating out on taking our youngest daughter & her family out to celebrate her birthday. Blessed that we can choose to do this, priorities.
May everyone have a wonderful weekend!
@Jennifer G,
Yes, but the church is also supposed to be the bride of Christ. Our pastor preached on the book of Hosea. I did think it was an interesting choice for Easter, which is usually more seeker friendly and crowd pleasing. He did not bring up divorce at all, but I can see how a pastor could appropriately preach on marriage at Easter. I didn’t hear the sermon Kristen heard, so I have no idea where that pastor was going with that.
Anyhow, I’m grateful that salvation does not depend on my marriage, but on the finished work of Christ!
WIS: Only $33 for groceries which, because Kristen put potatoes in my head, included a 1.5 pound bag of those teeny tiny potatoes (sold as “Melissa’s Peewee Medley: A mixture of exceptionally buttery and creamy spuds that cook quickly due to their tiny size”!) but $85.50 (actual price) for $142 (list price) of wine, principally a few bottles of an exquisite pinot noir. Which is the healthiest wine! With lots of beneficial antioxidants! And quercetin, a flavonoid with anti-inflammatory and cholesterol-lowering properties! Kristen will learn all about this in nursing school, I’m sure. Oenology 101. And having been raised in the Catholic church I never ever heard any Sunday sermons about demon alcohol from the priests.
WIA: Top sirloin steak with broccoli (vegetable!) and “smashed” roasted “Peewee” potatoes (vegetable!); chicken, broccoli slaw (vegetable!) and cheese quesadillas with sour cream (dairy!); leftover garlic butter steak bites with organic asparagus (vegetable!); and some (okay, quite a few) frozen Totino pizza rolls (it was one of those days). But I did cook them – didn’t eat them frozen, unlike Kristin @ going country’s little children with their frozen peas.
I know a man who recently lost his wife of near 50 years. He said the Bible says the two shall become one flesh, and it is like that, and when they die it is like they have been ripped from your flesh. Then he broke down and could say no more.
So, it’s true, the Bible does says all those things, but God is not without mercy and also says being unevenly yoked with unbelievers is harmful. And it also talks about departing and divorce, and those decisions are purely personal.
All week long I ate food. Whatever I wanted. Whenever I wanted. But the chocolate was the best.
@Tiana, Chocolate is always the best! 😉
@Tiana,
Chocolate is good for both physical and mental health. 🙂
@Tiana, put dark chocolate on blueberries and you have yourself a superfood. I'm not sure you'd really need to eat anything else.
@JDinNM,
YUM!!
I'm so sorry about your experience - I teach European history - so plenty of sobering moments from institutional religions and "pious" religious leaders (as well as some hopeful ones).
Sat: I do not remember!
Sun: I went to Easter dinner at my parent's house, where my sister made roasted chicken & mashed potatoes, I made 2 mediocre sides (charred broccoli with tamari Ceasar dressing and cornbread croutons; sugar snap pea, radish & feta salad).
Mon: leftover homemade empanadas with salsa verde and salad
Tues: took a friend out to dinner using a gift certificate
Wed: back from work apartment - met partner at a neighborhood meeting at a restaurant (fried chicken!)
Thurs: 85 degrees in Boston (boo! too hot!!): grilled tri-tip with Santa Barbara rub, served with a feta sauce; grilled red peppers; broccoli and zucchini fritters.
Tonight: partner is supposed to be looking up Japanese izakaya recipes to test a couple out for a dinner party next week. We shall see.
First off, Kristen, I am so sorry you had to sit through that message, on Easter no less. Call me crazy but I thought Easter was all about Jesus, but what do I know. I'm glad you took care of yourself in the form of hitting the Easy Button for dinner!
Saturday: homemade pizzas, now and always and forever.
Easter: Ham (an absolutely enormous ham), baked in an oven bag so it was fantastically moist and not dried out at all, instant mashed potatoes, frozen rolls (no shame in my game), roasted asparagus. I was pretty pleased with dessert. We use xylitol for all our desserts instead of sugar, and I made some keto no-bake cheesecake cups, layered with lemon curd I made with xylitol. It was FANTASTIC. Lemon desserts > any other desserts.
Monday: Leftovers. Very abundant leftovers, and those who wanted to make pizzas with ham were welcome to, as I had extra pizza crusts.
Tuesday: Leftovers, for everyone except the youngest, who desired two cheeseburgers, so his brother made him those, as it was his turn on the dinner rota. He said it was the easiest dinner job he'd had.
Wednesday: Chicken and rice casserole, long time since I made this, and it was delicious. I roasted the rest of the asparagus we didn't use on Easter, and was pleasantly surprised to see the youngest help himself to it.
Thursday: taco bar, always a hit, even if I have to make cheese quesadillas for the youngest, who doesn't like taco bowls or, lately, burritos.
Tonight is tuna burgers, the husband's specialty.
@Karen A., I never thought of the oven bag for ham - duh! Thanks for mentioning it.
@Lynn, It is a total game changer, for turkey, too. We haven't had a dry turkey or ham for years since we started using oven bags.
@Karen A.,
Does the Xylitol give you or any family members, uh, GI symptoms? I know that can be a common side effect of sugar alcohols.
@Liz B., Xylitol is actually better tolerated by many than manitol or erythritol. The body absorbs some of it, rather than getting rid of all of it.
That said, we have "dessert" once a week and not every night. And we cautioned the kids to start small and "build up" to a regular portion of dessert.
Also, yes, two of our kids have mentioned a particular GI symptom, but it is kind of welcome, as they have struggled with the opposite problem before and in this case xylitol actually helps the situation, whereas sugar does not! Overall it's been a good change for our family.
Wow, just wow on the things that pastor said. I have no faith which I’m very content with but I do see many of my friends of various faiths enjoy fellowship at their churches/places of worship which often makes me feel sad that I don’t enjoy that privilege. However when I do hear of stories such as your Easter experience I’m relieved I don’t have to deal with such preachings of (mainly male) faith leaders be they priest, pastor, Imam or rabbi.
WIS £105 Ocado food delivery - stock up due to house move
£7 - local corner shop top up due to house move
WWA
Saturday- burgers from the fancy schmancy food truck - sooo expensive but sooooo good
Easter Sunday- close family meal of roast turkey and pork with all the trimmings, unfortunately my dad couldn’t attend as he’s in hospital recovering from brain surgery, we did go visit him later that day which was lovely.
Monday - leftover roast pork over stir fried veggies and noodles
Tuesday- can’t remember
Wednesday- Spanish rice
Thursday- Parmesan fries, corned beef & 2 fried eggs
Friday - homemade pizza of course
@Joanne in the U.K.,
Sending your dad healing vibes. Hope he has a quick recovery.
Delightful for me to see the pear you would put in a painting because I believe you have an artful eye, evident in ALL of your photos, in how you arrange objects or your girls and the kitty. Even ones as humble as the bags from McDonald’s are artfully placed.
I often think of paintings and fruit/veggies: when I grab an apple that has a lovely striped pattern, when I cut open a perfectly ripe avocado and see that vibrant green, and absolutely your pear.
Hideous sermon from a person using his position to cause such misery instead of helping those in difficult situations. It’s criminal and no one should stand for it.
WIS: $30 at Wegmans, $34 at Trader Joe's, $24 at Price Chopper, $16 at the grocery outlet, and $6 at the bakery outlet. Also $0 for the 7 cans of food I recently found on the curb (see this week's FFT).
WIA: About $15 of the Wegmans purchases = 3 gallons of white vinegar and 8 pounds of the cheapest salt I could find (which turned out to be Morton's canning/pickling salt). I'm experimenting with a solution of vinegar, salt, and Dawn dish liquid (recipes are widely available online) as weedkiller in some of my gravel garden paths.
As for what I actually ate, here's the week's highlight: I made myself a lamb stew on Easter, which included a can of peas from the curb and a bottle of Guinness from the 5 bottles I found a while back in a recycling bin. With this plus the on-sale boneless leg of lamb I used, the result was about as frugal as lamb stew with Guinness gets. I shared some of it with my next-door neighbor.
Kristen, see my comment on Bobi's post above re: your Easter church experience. I will add only: Hugs to you.
My Mom was asked to leave the church when she divorced when I was just a small child. This was news that I had to shake my head at 30+ years later on a therapist's couch working through all the issues that union brought about. Sometimes wounds from where your heart and soul should be the safest are the most painful. Sending you hugs.
WIS: $0
WWA:
Saturday: I was on vacation with my son and we ate but I can't remember what. Those back home had turkey chili.
Sunday: This was our travel day and we ate tuna sandwiches when we got home. Everyone else had leftover chili.
Monday: I made Chines takeout at home - SO good! Cashew Chicken loaded with veggies, steamed broccoli, and Jasmine rice.
Tuesday: Leftovers for all.
Wednesday: Roast Beef and Muenster sliders baked in the oven with frozen fries.
Thursday: Roasted Chili rubbed pork tenderloin, sweet potatoes and the last of the steamed broccoli
Friday: I have no idea which means probably some kind of easy takeout or a sandwich night.
Happy weekend everyone!!
@Angie, "Sometimes wounds from where your heart and soul should be the safest are the most painful." This is very well said although I am sorry you clearly lived through it to know that. Kudos to you for working through it. Hugs to Kristen and to each of you who have experienced similar wounds. I can empathize.
Irrespective of what religion/ holidays you follow the pastors/ rabbis/ imams tend to find ways to trigger your pain. One of my friends was going through hell and was advised by her religious "person" that she need to find ways to a) forgive b) put up with the abuse (otherwise known as being patient c) not "tie" cuts with family.
And the children, thank God for their resilience, flexible/ realistic/ objective expectations, and how they just bloom where they're planned (while rocking beautifully colored hair).
Also, you're entitled to your opinion and decision based on the facts of your life. No disclaimer or explanation is needed. Xx.
I have a new credit card with some perks, so I've been trying to take advantage:
1) Used the offer for a free global entry/TSA precheck for my 17 year old. My husband & I already have both, so it was a $100 savings to submit his application.
2) Packed snacks for our upcoming vacation
3) Booked a ride to the airport, and saved 10%, using our preferred credit card.
4) My husband took us to/from the airport last weekend for our college tour, which saved about $100.
5) I received a $300 credit on my new card for travel, which we've used for last weekend's trip + our upcoming trip.
Note, we pay our credit card off in full each month. Without that, no perks are worth carrying a balance & paying interest!
@Hawaii Planner, Ha. I obviously thought this was a Frugal Friday. I shouldn't reply before I have caffeine.
We were out of town on college tours, so we had:
Airport food
Pizza
My husband grilled burgers (x2)
Bacon ranch chicken
And, grilled cheese, on a desperate night
Tonight, I'll be eating a meal delivery that we ordered, with DS17. DS16 has a late tennis match. Unclear what my husband will eat. It's a "clean out the fridge" evening, as we leave tomorrow for a trip.
@Hawaii Planner, I always read your comments with interest and didn't even notice. Wishing you safe and happy travels!
@MB in MN, thank you so much! We just got back yesterday, and despite the two 25+ hour travel days on either end, it was such a fabulous experience for all! So incredible for my MIL to get to see her grandsons after 14 years, and I got to meet my niece & SIL for the first time.
I agree that sometimes the church's messages about marriage are great for the folks with a great marriage but not so much the struggler. And isn't that the person that needs to be encouraged/ministered to? I mean if your marriage is great - then a lot of assumptions can be made about what to do about a struggling one by people that can't imagine what it's like to be in that position. I'm sorry that you experienced the hurt. I've been there too.
Wish we had Noodles and Company around here. My son lived in Connecticut for a while and I ate at one there. I love noodles!
I hear this phrasing used to justify unhelpful marriage books too; in response to critique, authors say, "Well, this book isn't meant for unhealthy marriages." But...a LOT of people in unhealthy marriages are the ones who read marriage books!!
@Kristen, you would think both pastors and book authors would be better at knowing their audiences.
I am so sorry about your Easter experience. Jesus loved and accepted literally everyone. I hope you feel the love of Jesus today. I wish churches and religion were more Jesus focused. Amen!
My husband was out of town all week. I enjoy cooking but took the week off.
On Sunday, I made a big pot of ham and soup beans and a side of cornbread. I ate this SUN. MON. TUES. WED!
Thurs: Taco Bell. Nachos bel grande and soft taco. My only order since 1986. Seriously. I only eat Taco Bell three times a year max. But I love it. Lol
Tonight: cereal for supper!
Checkout Ham prices at your grocery stores. They are cheap around me due to Easter close outs. Cheap. Throw a ham in your slow cooker with one can of beer or 7up. Yummy
We slice it up and freeze it in quart freezer bags for many meals here and there!
I am so sorry you had to experience that awful sermon. I think there are times we take a few youturns in our spiritual journey,I know I have.I had to leave the church of my youth due to dogma that just did not work for me. I am sure this past yer is casuing you to examine your spirituality and that is a good thing! Sending you love and support on that.
Meals: I am having one of those VERY uninspired weeks and we’ve been eating pizza, leftovers, and salad.I need to get back to a meal plan. We have been wanting to return to vegan lifestyle/eating and it’s hard this time.. we have done it for years in the past. It is the only way my BP stays good,without meds, and I do like to eat that way I just have to reorg my whole kitchen and get busy cooking again.
"When I planted my pain in the field of patience,
it bore the fruit of happiness."
Kahlil Gibran
Sat- Soup from the freezer
Easter - Pizza
Monday - Chicken Fried Steak, Scalloped potatoes, broccoli
Tuesday - Leftover Chicken Fried Steak and green salad, fruit for dessert
Wednesday - Sweet and Sour meatballs, rice, garlic green beans, fruit
Thursday - leftover meatballs, fruit salad
Friday - Big Pot of Marinara that will turn into spaghetti dinner, lasagna for special weekend family get together
Made Tres Citrus Bars for dessert, batch of nutty granola, big batch of yogurt and
apple sauce from the remaining apples from last fall's harvest.
WIS - $97 Costco, $47 @ scratch & dent, $34 @ Grocery Outlet for gluten free pasta, canned pineapple & 8 lbs of premium bacon. We shaved over 50$ this month on our various utilities bills (jumping for joy).
“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.”
― Kahlil Gibran
I watched "The Help" with my mom this week as she had never seen it (!) and Kristen, and every beautiful soul who reads this blog, repeat after me: You are Kind, You are Smart and You are Important. Now, have a great weekend!
@Blue Gate Farmgirl, Now I have Stuart Smalley (from SNL - not as elevated as Kahlil Gibran I'm afraid) in my ear: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"
Thoughts and questions, not WIS/WIA:
1. Remember when "noodles" was the word instead of "pasta"? "Noodles" is just much more fun to say.
2. Thank you, Lord, that not all pastors are like the one Kristen heard on Easter.
3. Good marriages have bad times and bad marriages have good times; after her divorce, Ann Landers said she had to decide "would my life be better off with or without him in it?" 4. Some of my divorced friends have a better life, some have a worse life; these decisions are highly individualized. Kristen, you have made a good decision for your life. It is a mixed bag, to be sure, but rely on Romans 8:28 here.
5. May I have your permission to paint your pear?
Of course you can! The pear is screaming to be painted. I just don't paint. lol
@Kristen, oh wow, thank you! When I finish it, I'll email a photo to you. (It's pretty far down the queue right now, but might make a good Procrastination Project.)
Ooh, yes, I'd love to see!
@Central Calif. Artist, for your and everyone else's entertainment, there is a new "Asian fusion" restaurant near me called Mr. Noodle and Ms. Dumpling. Have fun, y'all.
P.S. What book by Lucy Foley were you reading? I've never heard of her but am now searching on GoodReads.
The Paris Apartment!
@Kristen, that's the only one I found on Libby, with a long wait list, of course. I might put it on hold for a paper book at the library. Thank you for replying!
I'm so sorry you had to hear that at the service. My niece married in a very conservative evangelical church. My first impression was that her new husband was immature, but that was not the only problem. He was emotionally abusive and screamed at her on a regular basis and seemed to think that she should obey him (quite literally). It was a miserable marriage, and she did eventually seek divorce. Nothing would have made that marriage work from what I could tell. I'm happy to say that she has since met a very nice man and remarried and her second experience with marriage has been very different from her first. But I agree with you that sometimes a marriage can't be saved and it is not reasonable to expect someone to live in absolute misery in the name of "saving" a marriage. Life is too short and sometimes there is no other option.
The niece's first marriage: yes. There is literally no healthy way to have a relationship with someone who is unhealthy. It will always be dysfunctional because a functional relationship requires two healthy people.
I'm not about to excuse the guy for saying what he did - if he didn't mean it the way he said it, he should have cleared that up - but I am from a family of several ministers and missionaries, as is my DH, and I just have to say: religious leaders are human. Yes, they (most - don't get me started on the fakers) have a calling, but they are as human and prone to mistakes as the rest of us.
In one way, the man was right - it is God's will that we have good, lifelong marriages, but what the man missed is that it's God's will also that we would love each other well in marriage; never cheat, ignore, hurt, lie to, dominate, betray or abuse one another, and until we ALL get that part down perfectly, some marriages are understandably going to fail. God knows us and he's not surprised at that.
Kristen you don't have to post this :). I just had to throw my two cents in.
Oh yeah, I don't think he was malicious! I don't think he was TRYING to hurt anyone.
But I think that in his prayer, he could have also prayed for those of us who have broken marriages, rather than just focusing on the idea that all marriages can and should be continued. My issue was with how he framed this as the only real option; it made me feel like this was not a place where a divorced person would be welcome.
@JD, Yes. This is what I was looking for words to say.
Big hug to you. I'm so sorry for what you had to hear on Easter morning. I left my own church after speaking to my pastor, and as I was leaving he commented that he'd be praying for reconciliation. I asked if he'd be praying for that if instead of a broken spirit I'd walked in with a broken arm. That was the last time I went there.
Yes. Sometimes reconciliation is NOT the best, safest, or kindest option, and it is not always what we should be praying for, in my opinion.
@Kristen, truer words were never spoken. My heart is with you and all who have walked any version of this road. So sorry you had to hear that message on Easter...different church next Easter!
All your commenters have put it so well, I don’t know what else to add. So I’ll just say sorry that ignorant and insensitive sermon damaged your Easter experience.
One good thing: a person can learn much more quickly which church is not good to attend than which person is not good to be married to.
WIS $0 (I do a big shop every other week and fill in produce & milk as needed in between)
WIA
Saturday: Passover Seder- Chicken matzo ball soup, rosemary roasted lamb, roasted Brussels Sprouts and baked potato. But also 4 glasses of wine, salty parsley, haroset, horseradish and matzah.
Sunday: roasted lamb, roasted Brussels Sprouts and baked potato
Monday: roasted lamb, roasted asparagus and baked potato
Tuesday: roasted lamb, roasted asparagus and baked potato
Wednesday: roasted lamb, roasted zucchini and baked potato
Thursday: Free Sourdough sandwiches (leftovers from an event at my husband’s work)
Friday: the last of the lamb, roasted zucchini and baked potato
I promise the lunches of soup & salad had lots of variety. It’s just 2 of us, so when we measure 4oz portions, the lamb lasts a long time. We even shared some with our neighbor and had it at in a wrap for lunch 1 day and still it lasted all week. I love batch cooking and this lamb was the gift that kept on giving.
What a nice easy week of meals that lamb made for you!
So many commenters have said this, but I also am so sorry you had to endure this experience, on Easter no less! I just want to add, think how horrible it would have been for you to hear it a year ago at this time, when you were so vulnerable. You’ve grown and are so much stronger now! You’re a survivor!
That is so true; at this point, there was at least a part of me that could shrug and think, "Ok, I don't agree with this, and I know stuff like this is part of what kept me stuck for so long."
But then there is another part of me that felt much less calm about it all...and that's probably a part of my heart that hasn't healed up as much.
Love the comments about the moronic message from the pastor. It burns my bottom to hear anyone - pastor or not, usually male - imply that they know best or have some insider knowledge of relationships or the universe.
For my family of two: Spent $160 at Traders Joe's, Fresh Thyme and Target. Also spent $26 at a local restaurant. Dinners were tomato bisque and salad; veggie/tofu stir fry; baked potato and broccoli; salad with chopped veggies, seeds, raisins and wild rice; popcorn and fruit; and a charcuterie board consisting of cheese, crackers, nuts, olives, and fruit.
We did not eat what I had planned, but we did eat. And, I did shop. And, I have stuff for the next few days (except for milk & bananas, which disappear fast around here).
WIS: $112 at Shaw's and $212 at Stop & Shop (my receipt tells me I saved $263 on this trip!) pre-Easter. On both of these trips I maxed the number of beef roasts I was allowed because they were 66% off!!! Despite my original plans, none of these have been eaten. But, they are being properly stored for later meals. Mid-week I spent $3 at Target and $187 at Wegman's. Yesterday, I spent another $128 at Stop & Shop. That totals $642 for the week.
WWA:
Monday - Pasta with meat sauce, cut veggies
Tuesday - Youngest five had chicken nuggets and salads; Oldest three had homemade pizza after late sports
Wednesday - Tacos
Thursday - Mussels, corn on the cob, leftover egg bread from Easter dinner
@Nora8, Never in my life have I gotten out of Target for only $3. What self control you must have!
Must. Paint. Pear. 🙂 Pears are some of my favorite objects to paint! Great photo, BTW.
Saturday- turkey, gravy, potatoes, green beans, sauerkraut ( this meal was an Easter-Eve meal )
Sunday-dinner at our sons in-laws’ home- Ham, pineapple stuffing, green beans, scalloped potatoes
Monday- salad with turkey
Tuesday- turkey/ green bean casserole
Wednesday-turkey soup
Thursday-BLT salad
Friday-pork chops, stuffing, applesauce
Saturday-Mission BBQ at memorial service
Oh, I'd love to see it if you do paint it!
God knows your heart and what happened during your marriage, only He should judge. The church, while intentioned, is falliable for it is composed of humans. Because there is so much "living together' with no commitment today; marriage is sadly undervalued for it can be a real blessing if both respect and value each other. I sincerely wish you well, and I understand your point, sometimes it's best to separate.
Yes, I do still value marriage highly; one day, I hope to get remarried.
But I definitely do think it's possible to value the institution of marriage more than the people (or often, a person) in the marriage.
@Kristen, that “… it’s possible to value the institution of marriage more than the people in the marriage.” I’ve never heard that perspective before. I believe you have stated a powerful and sad truth.
I’m so very proud of you for how far you’ve come in this past year.
I’m constantly impressed with your transparency, humility and courage. I see God’s grace and goodness in your life.
Dear Kristen,
I can only imagine how it can feel for you to hear:
“God, we know your will is to bring healing and restoration to every marriage, no matter how hopeless.”
and for you to write:
"And I wanted to scream because I now know that some marriages need to be dissolved, and I wish that I had realized this sooner. Messages like this, from the church, are part of what made my marriage go on as long as it did."
I feel you 100%. Many of my friends are in highly dysfunctional marriages because they are told repeatedly that divorce is not an option.
It reminds me of a passage I read recently in Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible, a story of Orleanna Price and her four daughters with Nathan Price, a fierce, evangelical Baptist who forces his family to go on a mission to the dangerous Belgian Congo in 1959.
"We married with simple hopes: enough to eat and children who might outlive us. My life was a business of growing where planted and making good on the debts life gathered onto me...It didn't occur to me to leave Nathan on account of unhappiness." - Orleanna Price
Eventually, after a tragic event, Orleanna walked away from her marriage and was able to find contentedness.
*Virtual Hug
@Kelly, I loved that book. Kingsolver's latest, "Demon Copperhead" is just as powerful. What a phenomenal storyteller she is!
I predict a thousand Still Life with a Pear paintings in art shows all over the country.
Your photography is on par with the pear!
Perhaps my pear will become famous!
And thank you.
@Dave, Cezanne said,” I will astonish Paris with an apple!”
Let’s see who we can astonish with Kristen’s on-par pear!
@Martha, And then Cezanne astonished Paris with A Basket of Apples!
Sounds like a controlling and hateful church. I’d have walked out. Also sad to hear you stayed longer due to church teachings. That’s sad. We need to raise our kids to think for themselves.
The thing is, I really don't think the people there are hateful. And I don't think the guy praying is hateful either. I really think it's more a case of misguided good intentions.
@Heather, Sometimes raising kids is what leads to people staying longer.
Not every marriage is worth saving. Sometimes, a person has to move on to a new life style.
So sorry for your Easter experience in, what I call, a "judgy" church. Some marriages should be dissolved, which I learned after 30 years in the wrong marriage that was supposed to last for "eternity". Leaving was the best thing I've ever done for myself. My current marriage is a marriage "made in heaven" is there has been little "work" to create it that way. I'm hoping some day you'll find the joyful marriage that you so deserve, as well as a church that supports you the way it should.
I was watching a you tube video a few weeks ago by Mark Lowry. In it, he mentioned that God could not be a Baptist preacher because he had been divorced. A week or so later, a 6 question Bible quiz included that question. God divorced Israel. I Googled it and low and behold it was true. Jeremiah 3. My very rigid religious friends did not believe it. After googling it, they found many references to divorce.
Rest assured that all marriages were not made in Heaven. I am so sorry to know that this was the Easter sermon you had to endure. Just mark that church off your list.
I wish you could have visited and attended our Easter service. The Holy Spirit was alive and in the church.
Your church experience is partly what made me shy away from churches as I was going through my divorce and needing to find a new church that my soon to be ex did not go to. At the time, I didn't have the thick skin to withstand harsh comments when I was in the midst of feeling plenty bad about my situation and myself. Divorce is difficult enough without people being judgmental and shaming about it. There are so many loving and accepting people out there, so it's worth continuing to search for and hold on to those.
Oh Kristen. I'm so sorry about your Easter church experience. I think the evangelical church talks a lot about sinners being saved by grace, but then at the same time, gets lost in the mire of a few Bible verses being pulled out of context. The overarching message of the Bible, that we humans are all broken people and the only way back to God is through the sacrifice of Jesus, somehow gets distorted. There is a lot of emphasis on "this is how you should live your life now that you have crossed the line into Christianity" instead of the ongoing awareness that we, as Christians, are on a journey, being gradually changed into the likeness of God, and that this journey lasts our entire lifetime. Helping our fellow believers along the road instead of imposing judgment on them, seems to me to be the way we are to live. Hugs to you.
Kristen - I’m also sorry your Easter service was so upsetting.
I’ve been divorced for 11 years, and have been on the receiving end of generalized condemnation too many times to count.
It helps me to repeat to myself Matthew 7:1 “ Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” It’s also effective if you find yourself on the receiving end of an unsolicited lecture.
So sorry about your experience at church on Easter. I had something similar. My husband passed away of brain cancer - glioblastoma - which has a mortality rate close to 100%. I heard so many hurtful comments saying you just need to have faith, God heals the faithful etc. No one had more faith than my husband. Keep doing what you’re doing. God is good.
@Elissa, so sorry to hear about your husband. My dad and my sister's husband both died of glioblastoma. My brother-in-law was a pastor so people didn't dare accuse him of not having enough faith. But my sister heard some simplistic foolish things like "Here, give him this multi-level-marketing food supplement because it helped me with something completely unrelated". Brain tumors are hideous, and quick (4-1/2 months for Dad and for BIL).
@Central Calif. Artist, totally relate! Why, if our traditional religion goal is to die and be with God, is it something to fight at any cost? And, when good people die, why would they and their loved ones be judged as not being faithful enough? I’ve never found a minister or pastor able to begin to answer that. Usually the response felt condemning of me or my family and friends. My priest supports my questioning. My husband died young from glioblastoma. My daughter died from a car wreck. They were faithful, in well-examined and reasonable ways, and my beliefs and practices are comforting to me and allow me to make sense of fairly incomprehensible things and do good while I am here on Earth. I love the 1970s movie “Oh, God” and highly recommend watching it!
@J, I'm so deeply and truly sorry for both of your profound losses. That's so very much heartache to endure. I'm thinking about you.
First, I loooove MOD pizza!!
Second, I grew up in very mainstream churches (although I did not even know what that term meant when I was going to church when I was younger.) Church was just one of the many things that our family did during the week, it did not rule our lives, I had great church friends from Sunday school and youth group that I got to see who went to other schools, I got to eat donuts after church, we learned about being kind to others, we had car washes for fundraisers, that kind of thing - it was great, it was fun, I loved it. It was not until I was into my 20s that I started learning about other church experiences, other denominations, other religions. It just breaks my heart to hear about churches or ministers or other leaders, saying and doing such hurtful things, and it usually seems to point to women- which just irks me on a whole other level. Big hugs to you, Kristen, and remember you are in such a good place right now in your life.
Lastly, the McDonald’s meal on Easter makes me smile so much. Over the years, when I lived as a single adult, and even when our kids were little, and now that they are older, we have had very non-traditional holiday meals at times. They have been some of the best memories and make me laugh and smile when I look back on them. One of them even stuck, we have been making our own homemade personal pizzas on Christmas Day now for years!!
Sending you a hug! I love the way that you are flexible on eating (including eating leftovers which we do at least once a week.) As empty nesters now, our eating habits have really changed. Sometimes I still cook too much but I immediately freeze the leftovers to eat a week or more into the future (so it's almost like a new meal ).
I try to be a good Christian, but I also seethe with anger when some old male preacher gets up there and tries to lecture women about being good little girls, good little wives and good little doormats. Or tells us how to vote. Or tells us what decisions we have to make about our bodies and health care. That's just like the old-style male gynecologists who would tell their young female patients that menstrual cramps "are all in your head." (How does he know? Has he ever had a cramp or a period? ) Life isn't always according to "the way it ought to be." If it was, then Adam and Eve wouldn't have gotten themselves booted out of the Garden of Eden. I'd love to ask that preacher if his daughter marries a guy who later beats her (and his grandchildren) to a pulp, is he going to advise her to stay with her abusive husband? I bet he'd change his tune if it was HIS kinfolk being hurt! Then again, maybe not: I was once told by the director of our local domestic violence shelter that there was only one denomination that hadn't had some pastor's wife come to their shelter: the Catholics. That's because the priests aren't married. But in this director's long career as a domestic violence counselor, she said, she's seen women from every type of church/religion have to flee abusive husbands, many of them pastors and deacons of their congregations. What would Jesus do? I think he'd tell you to do what's best for you and your children.
I am so sorry for your Easter Sunday church message-- Still today it floors me how a number of churches (and religions) hold women "to blame" for the world's problems. Not every marriage can be saved. And that is all right. Some of the rules/laws do not come from the Bible or other religious documents but from elder men's opinions. Starting with elementary school. It's the GIRLS who are penalized for their clothing (which tempts the boys and god knows THEY are the important ones and THEY need to study) Then there are HS and college messages that it is the women who should not wear seductive clothing, drink too much, or walk home alone. There are classes on every college campus for women about how not to get rape or how not to be abused and FEW if any course for men about how NOT TO RAPE. Then in marriage? It is usually the women who have to leave, or the women who stay and try, the women who bear the responsibility for working things out. And the blame when and if it does not. God never meant for this. . .
I am so sorry for what happened to you in church. Houses of worship are supposed to provide comfort. Here's hoping the future is brighter for you this year. You deserve nothing but the best.
First: <<<<<>>>>>>
Second ... your joie 'vivre, honesty, creativity and hope -- your blog is a genuine help.
oxoxox
I was raised " very Catholic",school,9 a.m. mass every Sunday...I became non-
practicing as an adult for a variety of reasons but did baptize both my children.
Fast forward many years,my husband died and I made some really bad decisions that saw me moving in with a friend.
She is very active in a religion that starts with a B and ends with a T,I wound up attending with her,somewhat because I felt it went along with the lodging.
I have to say,it is without a doubt the most misogynist denomination I ever heard of...husbands are the head of the household and woman must be subservient to him!
All I could think of was this is the 21st century and boy does that sound like a perfect recipe for emotional,psychological and verbal abuse.
This same pastor,who preached this,looked a friend in the eye and told her her grandbaby was "a sin" because she was born out of wedlock and would not be baptized in his church.
That was the final straw for me,walked out,never returned.
Well, criminy! What a week of blog posts for me to have mostly been too busy to comment on...I blame it on an exhausting mixture of glucose curves, pediatric pus fingers and irritating nonsense at work. But anyway, my current struggles, though wearying, clearly pale in comparison to what I have read in the comments this week. I hope none of you, (least of all, Kristen), find it patronizing for me to say that I am in awe of the graceful and hopeful ways you have risen to meet the challenges life has sent your way.
WIS: 14.82 on pizza, and 171.75 @Aldi, so 186.57 this week. Not too bad, but don't ask me what a diabetic cat cost this week...I don't want to talk about it...
WWA:
Fri: watermelon and leftovers (scrambled eggs, two kinds of rice, pork sucre, roasted veggies, pasta with peas, and sweet and (not)spicy swiss chard.
Sat: salad (lettuce, avocado, tomatoes and sesame seeds with olive oil and balsamic vinegar dressing), more leftovers: roasted carrots, potatoes and brussel sprouts, pasta and peas, cold turkey salad. Plus I made a batch of macaroni and cheese at the request of the child who was finally able to eat dairy again.
Sun: a very traditional Easter dinner of spaghetti and Sunday gravy (a garlic heavy tomato sauce made using super specific and expensive Italian canned tomatoes and Italian meat of some kind-this batch had frozen Italian meatballs from Aldi and tomato basil chicken sausages from Aldi) topped with shredded parmesan. We had spinach and watermelon on the side, and ate gingerbread houses and what my kids dubbed an Easterbread house for dessert. Why, yes, the Easterbread house did come from Aldi.
Mon: watermelon cubes, sandwiches made using leftover Sunday gravy, shredded parmesan cheese, and spinach on homemade sesame seed buns.
Tue: korean-ish rice bowls: basically rice topped with things like lightly sauteed peppers, carrots, and kale, shredded baked salmon, hard boiled eggs and gochujang. These were yummy. We also had sourdough discard crackers.
Wed: salad (literally just handfuls of prewashed mixed greens) and Aldi Mac and cheese pizzas.
Thu: salad (more handfuls) and cheeseburger crescent dough ring.
Tonight: crudites (because I was out of handfuls and washing lettuce seemed like too much work) and focaccia with pepperoni, parmesan, mozzarella and tomatoes.
I hope you all have absolutely amazing weekends filled with love and laughter.
I am sorry your marriage dissolved. I had the idea also that marriage is something that should remain no matter what. I believed that with all my heart. I loved my first husband and we married young and it lasted 10 years. I still struggle with that in the back of my mind that I am divorced and do I truly still belong to my first husband in God's eyes. I know God forgives me though. He brought a very loving and kind and patient and humorous man into my life. We have been married 20 years this November. It still breaks my heart to hear of broken marriages though. I know the pain of it. Seems unbearable at times. When you are going through it. God is a healing God though. He healed my broken heart. In fact he healed it from other situations also. The bible says he is close to the brokenhearted. I pray he can heal your heart. It takes time.
I still remember the pain of things I have went through in my life The pain and even regret from bad choices. Bad behaviors. I walk close to Jesus now. Cling to him and his word. He is a Father to the Fatherless and a husband to the widow.
I love your Blog. I have read it off and on through the years. You are very inspiring. I pray much happiness and peace for you. You are an awesome mom. A very talented person. Thanks for sharing all that you do. It inspires people. Gives them strength in a way. To find happiness in every day things. To be creative. God Bless you.
My hope is in You Lord.
My strength is in you Lord.
For you are God.
Your a good good Father.
It's who you are. Who you are.
Glory, Glory, Glory.
Hallelujah.
Wow! So many comments! Easter should be a time for hope and rejoicing.
Jesus Christ was the first person to be resurrected and made it possible for all of us, everybody, to be resurrected as well. The New Testament proclaims that graves were opened and many came forth following Jesus's resurrection. I look forward to singing and hopeful messages at Easter time. This is what we all need so badly.
I get a huge lift from reading your blog each day. Keep up the good work. You lift so many of us readers.
Sorry that the church brought up bad feelings. I thought we are over expecting a woman to stay married no matter what. Easter is supposed to be about the resurrection of Jesus not staying with someone no matter how bad it is.
I'm sorry for your experience at church. I loved through those beliefs to my own detriment for a long time. I'm happy you learned about a caring god.
@Connie, oops lived through. And actually did love through....
I’m so sorry about the church thing. Ugh, ugh, and more ugh.
Just for the record … as a single mom, with two young daughters, I once treated us to KFC on Mother’s Day. It was all I could do!
@Casey, many years ago, my (drunk) husband, young daughter, and I were on the way home from a trip to UP Michigan late on Easter morning. We stopped at a KFC when drive-through were new; remember that? My daughter and I did go inside to use the ladies’ room. I felt so sad, confused, and scared- out of options. We saw an elderly woman, by herself. She counted out coins to buy herself a little meal, but seemed happy and serene. It seemed like that saddest thing I had ever seen, at the time. I’ve always remembered that. My previous Easter mornings had consisted of egg hunts, bunnies, candy, relatives, ham in the oven, church (but just for show- my family didn’t believe). But it all was a learning and spiritual growth experience! My family’s story turned out miraculous and wonderful. I learned so much about outward appearances/ expectations/ dysfunctional churches and people/ reality and what matters! I think God is thrilled about the McDonalds, strength and individuality, and people exercising their choices, rights, and privileges! That’s what matters! I just wanted to share this experience and thoughts- it’s stuck with me and my loved ones all these years, so thanks for listening.
@J, I’m awed that my brief comment triggered for you such a heartfelt memory. I’m glad things turned out for you! And, many thanks for sharing. It’s a beautiful story.
Wow, how did you stop yourself from loudly rising to your feet and marching out the door in the middle of such a false sermon? I am so sorry you had that experience and I don't doubt that there were other people feeling as you did. (And I am serious about how empowering it is to stand up publicly, say "You are wrong," turn your back on the person, and march out.) And I completely understand going to McDonalds afterwards, since I am the queen of using a filet 'o fish to reward/soothe/cheer myself! There are very few days that I don't read your blog and think about how much grace and strength you have.
I almost ordered a filet-o-fish and I thought of you!
BTW here's a thought....Following this particular Easter sermon you might have gone up to the speaker and thanked him for his thoughts....and then....tell him you are so sorry to hear that he is experiencing marital problems. And that you will pray for him. Amen
A gentle pushback sometimes is in order.
Well, I didn't want to assume anything about his own situation. But I DID write a gentle email to the church to let them know how this experience was for me. I am sure that they do want to help people feel welcome, and I'm sure they aren't actively trying to exclude anyone. So, I figured they would probably appreciate hearing from me.
@Kristen,
Good for you!
As I write, while watching sparrows happily enjoying my feeder, and reminding me of the provisions available to them and, as Jesus said, even more so to us. Resurrection Sunday (every Sunday actually) should be about gratitude, celebration and hope. Sadly the “system”, as systems always do, let you down. Not the Saviour! He lifts us up!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience on Easter.
This week we ate ham with all the fixings for Easter, pineapple teriyaki chicken, sausage and potatoes with leftover vegetables, pizza, and so many leftovers. Oh and chicken nuggets with fresh fruit and veggies on the side on Friday.
My mom bought me the Dining on a Dime cookbook 2. The first recipe I tried didn't impress me, but I'll try another. Plus, it's good to know the basic recipe. I'll be able to modify the first one to my tastes in the future.
Great Pear!
Can you scream in church!? I didn't know you could even Talk in church until I was in high school.
Hmm, well, I do think it would be frowned upon. lol That's why I said that I WANTED to scream. Heh.
This is my first frugal girl comment! I love your blog and am so glad I found it this past year. Your comment about church made me think..and this morning my church's text fell in Matthew 19. Timing! I listened very carefully and kept your comment in mind (I am in a healthy marriage but just wanted to try to understand what others like you are going through)...I was relieved to hear our pastor uphold Biblical marriage but also explain that though divorce is not to be celebrated it is sometimes necessary. He also emphasized that for those people who were in that place to listen carefully and to understand that there is always grace in the midst. I hope that you can find some encouragment in those words. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYvJrMCSx6U in case anyone else is curious.
So glad to hear that your pastor is promoting a message that reflects the reality of life in this broken world we live in.
I'm so sorry for what happened to you on Easter Sunday. That was a really inappropriate topic for Easter!
We've been attending a UCC church near us, and after years of Catholic and non-denominational/evangelical experiences that almost completely drove us out of Christianity entirely (LGBTQ+ *affirming* churches are a requirement for us now, as we have loved ones who are LGBTQ+, and I'm beyond frustrated with the evangelical tendency towards manufacturing "culture wars" that discourage actual dialogue about policies that actively harm women & minorities, silence victims, and erode social structures that help families and teens like public transportation, public health, public school, etc.).
Kristen, just wanted to share a quote from Glennon Doyle that meant a lot to me when I was going through a divorce. All marriages are hard, but some should not be saved. I'm happy to say that I've been remarried for 15 years, and my worst days with my husband are better than anything I experienced in my first marriage. I pray the same for you.
"Please know that if there are two paths in front of you--divorce and reconciliation--God is waiting to walk you down either one. The bumps on each path will be different. Each will wind differently. But at the end of each path is redemption. You will never be left alone on either path. Because nothing--not death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation (including divorce) will be able to separate you from the love of God.
If your church is more interested in saving your marriage than your soul, raise your hand and ask questions. God loves you more than any institution on Earth, even marriage, even Christianity.
Jesus did not die for your marriage's redemption. He died for your redemption and the redemption of your partner. Divorced or together, you are already redeemed. It's finished. Claim your peace. Claim your freedom. Do not be afraid. Because no matter how dark it is now, you will rise again. That's the way of the world. That's the message of Easter."
Yes. Marriage is not the most valuable thing on the planet...sometimes the person needs to be rescued from the institution!
I appreciate your encouraging story; I hope for the same thing for me one day.
Rooting for you with zero judgment. No one knows better than you what went on in your own marriage. No one knows better what to do about it.
Yes, I am nodding so hard. The person in a dysfunctional marriage is the tippest-toppest expert on exactly what it was like and how sustainable (or not!) it was.