What am I going to do with an empty nest?
Kristen,
Gosh, time has flown by! Just read your post about having two HS grads-- I think I started reading your Frugal Girl when everyone was a baby!
So, I was just wondering if you had been doing any advanced planning for an empty nest? Or wising, dreaming?
Potentially, this could be in (yikes) FOUR years?
Are you thinking of a new career? travel? writing a book? teaching?
Have you thought about getting a graduate degree? fixing up houses to flip? Shifting gears and going to work at a corporation? starting your own cupcake company? Joining the Peace Corps? Backpacking thru Europe or Asia?
So much of your time has been put into raising a house full of lovely kids--and cooking from scratch and your blog and homeschooling. What's next?
Millicent
Yep, Zoe starts high school in the fall, so in four years, all of my kids will have graduated high school.
I'm not positive I will have an empty nest by then; it all depends how many kids choose to live at home while pursuing a college degree.
Sonia has big plans for a scientific career of some sort, which means a pretty long stint in college. So for now, she's planning to live at home to save money while she gets through college.
I'm guessing Zoe will probably do the same, at least for a while, but who knows? A lot can happen in four years.
What will I do with the extra time?
Well, I know that I will still want to devote some of my time to being there for my kids. Even when kids move out, they do still often need some support and time, and I want to be available for them.
There's some traveling that I would love to do, and with an empty nest, travel suddenly becomes a lot more feasible.
I'm also considering going back to school to become a nurse. I will be 45 when Zoe graduates from high school, so there will theoretically still be plenty of time for a new career if I choose that path.
And I do already have a full year of college credits, some of which will apply to a nursing degree.
I need to go talk to a guidance counselor about my options, but I could certainly start taking some classes during the last years of Sonia and Zoe's high school since they'd mostly be taking community college classes at that point anyway.
We could go to college together. 😉
Why nursing?
Well, I like helping people, I think I would be good at it, I'm interested in the medical field, and nursing is definitely a career that can be worked part-time (which would still leave me with some free time for other things.)
We'll see; nothing has been decided for sure, and I have no idea what life changes could come my way in the next four years.
But I am not remotely worried about being bored once my kids are grown.
Even if I don't go get a job, I can still write, read, serve in the church and community, and help my friends and extended family.
There will be plenty of purposeful things that can fill my time; life is full of possibilities!
_________________
I don't have any plans to quit sharing words and pictures here, so you guys can come along for the ride and see what life holds for me in the next phase. 😉
It's funny how we're not all that different in ages (I'm in my mid-30s) but the concept of an empty nest is decades away for me, especially if we have another kid. I guess it's all about timing and when you start (and you never really finish, do you?)
I guess look at it this way. A coworker of mine had her first at 19 and then when her then only child was getting ready for high school she suddenly found herself pregnant with twins. She told me it was a surreal experience as oldest went off to college the same day her twins started Kindergarten.
Yep, you just got some of my empty nest years on the front end, while I'm getting them all on the back end! It's all the same number of years...just a matter of how they're arranged.
I cannot IMAGINE starting over again like your coworker. I had all four of my in about six years and I was glad to have all the baby/small kid stage done at once. But on the other hand, I can see how having a big age gap might make you really appreciate the fun parts of small kids because you really know how fast it goes by then!
Also, when your kids start having kids..hard to imagine now but this will happen..it will change how you think about things.
A similar thing happened to me. I had my first child at 21 and second one at 26. At 35, I had surprise twins. There was a rough period of babies with seizures/difficult toddlers and a teenager with mental health problems. And my middle child kept us very busy with his active extracurricular activities. We have no extended family around to help us and I had quit my job, making finances extremely tight.
When my twins started Kindergarten the year after my oldest had started college, it really hit me how we had to start all over with them. But it's been so much fun to do it a 3rd time with more experience. The best part is that my oldest has lived at home while he is launching his adult life, and has bonded with his younger siblings in a much different way than during the tumultuous teen years.
I was that "change-of-life baby". My sister graduated college the week I was christened, and there are lots of pictures of her in her white grad gown holding me in my white christening gown. My sister actually told my mother to make sure she got out there to be "seen" while she was pregnant - my sister didn't want anyone thinking the baby was hers and they were covering it up! (That was a thing then.) My mum had me at 43, so when she hit the age I am now, 53, I was 10. I definitely completely changed the trajectory of her life! I, on the other hand, had my children early (my oldest is 33) and I already have grandchildren! I suffered very badly from the empty nest syndrome, for a variety of reasons. I just didn't know who I was without the family roles (my marriage broke up at the same time, and my parents died , all within 5 years.) For those reasons, the grandchildren have been miracles to me. It's not a do-over, but it is a chance to nurture these little beings in a different way now that I know how quickly the time goes. My oldest grandson is 5, and he loves to spend hours coloring with me, doing puzzles, etc. When my kids were small I didn't spend that kind of time just going into their worlds and following their interests. It's a revelation! Sometimes it's tedious, of course, but we share moments of connection and intimacy beyond what I could have predicted. I wish I had done more of this when my own children were small, but then again, I was busy managing them all. I try to do what I can to support them now, as they navigate their adult lives. Those relationships mean the world to me, and I nurture them as well as I can, while trying hard not to invade their space.
My sister refused to push my buggy around because she got flack from people thinking I was hers. My mum says having me as a late surprise kept her young. She parachuted for the first time at 50, as well as skiing and roller skating with me as I was growing up.
My mum also started her favourite career of gardener when she was nearly 60 (she couldn't afford to stop working until late). There's time for more once the children leave and also, they never really leave! Washing piles in the college years, place to crash if jobs or relationship go wrong, and then you'll be babysitting the grandkids
I started following you about a year after you started this blog, our kids are about the same age, I have three and my youngest graduates in 5 years, and I will be 42. There are a lot of exciting possibilities ahead for us. My husband is a truck driver, so I’m not sure if I will spend a lot of time with him on the truck, or pursue a career path of my own. My dream job is a flight attendant, even though I have 3 years of medical science classes that set me up for a medical career! It was just the wrong path for me. But it sounds as if you would be a wonderful caring Nurse. Good luck, and I will keep faithfully reading about you and your sweet family.
P.S. I hopped on this morning, because I’m meal planning for the week( my week begins on Thursday) and I needed some recipe inspiration! Thanks for all you do!
I'm so glad that my blog helps give you recipe inspiration. Yay!
And wow, you'll be even younger than me when your youngest graduates. I suppose that'd be true for me if that fourth kiddo hadn't snuck in there. Heh. But I'm glad she did...what would we do without our Zoe?
What a ride! You know, my stepmom is 45 and she just went back to school to become a nurse after 20 years as a teacher. It's certainly possible! 🙂
My youngest graduated college last year and after a short stint of being an empty nester, my mother who has dementia moved in with us. Now instead of taking care of kids, we take care of her. So you just never know what is going to happen..
Yep, that's why I say, "Who knows what will happen in four years?" I make plans, but the Lord determines my steps.
And I think it's good to hold plans loosely because otherwise, it hurts worse when they get pried out of my hands! My empty nest years have a loose plan, but the plan is subject to change depending on what comes my way.
Well said Kristen! Great perspective.
So many sayings along these lines, including the best laid schemes o' mice and men, gang aft agley, and man prosposes, God disposes. My favorite, however, is "the plan is nothing, planning is everything," said by the foremost planner of the 20th century, Dwight Eisenhower.
So keep planning, folks. That specific plan won't happen, but having gone through the process will make all the difference.
My kids and I basically graduated college 4 years apart - first me, then my oldest, then our baby. The funny thing was, I left home to take a job in another state while the youngest was still in college and the oldest in grad school. My career was locked into their school, their dad, our hometown. Once they were old enough I could pursue other options, that included working in London, a real dream come true. My oldest followed me east and now I'm attached to her because she has my granddaughter! Things change. I'm ready to retire and think about how we can reunite our family to maintain a strong extended family for our precious girl. Her uncle remains in our hometown and we miss him!
As an empty-nester, I just carried on with my job of many years; my biggest change was having to adapt to the fact that my kids were not there to help me out so much. They picked up needed items at the store for me, ran a pet to the vet, checked the mail, put the roast in the oven before I got home, helped me select gifts, helped clean the house and, since they did their own laundry, would sometimes do mine as well to make a full load. And suddenly, it was allllll mine to do. My husband worked out of town and suddenly I was alone, with an aging dog and demanding cat.
Nowadays my husband has a lot of health issues and, although I still work, much of my life revolves around taking care of him - and he's only in his 60's. I agree with Kim -- you never know what is going to happen.
Even though we are the same age, I'm still pretty far away from being an empty nester as my kids are 14, 10, and 8. However, as my oldest enters high school, I think the reality that they are growing up quick is setting in. Its causes me to dream quite a bit about what I want our future to look like. Unfortunately, we spent all of our pre-kid empty nest time trying desperately to have a family so I feel like those 5 years were wasted. We would love to buy an RV and travel full time for awhile. Also, since we will be a bit older when that happens, it causes me to think a lot harder about taking care of myself and my health so that I can still enjoy the things I want to do without my body/health holding me back. In reality, we will probably never be actual empty nesters as our one daugther will most likely always be with us. However, my hope is she will be more independent at that time. Besides, I'm sure Ellie would love to come along on our RV adventures 🙂
I got my nursing degree at 40. It’s totally doable. My advice is to check out where you want to work and see if they hire with an ADN degree and if they offer tuition reimbursement. If so, get your ADN, get the job then do an online BSN program. I’m 50 now and in school for my MSN. It’s not as easy as would have been 20 years ago but I’m getting through it. Good luck to you.
I am a nurse and have often thought when my kids graduate, which is a long time from now, I may do some more travel assignments. Travel nursing is a good way to vacation while getting paid well for it. You husband can go with you or come for extended visits. You can take 8 week assignments, and maybe even less, or more if you prefer. I used to do 13 week assignments. The pay is really good, you make new friends, and you get plenty of days off to sight see just like any other job. I have worked in great hospitals in great locations. Hawaii is definately where my next assignment would be. You do have to have a year or two of experience to travel but time passes so quickly, as you well know. I would always take the housing stipend and find my own place for less money and keep that money but they can set you up with everything you need when you first get started to make things pretty seamless. There are insurance benefits just like any job. And just like any job, they are very understanding with any family emergency that you would need to go home and they won't put you in a job that others nurses have had problems with. Your kids can fly out and stay with you, too. I used to go on 13 week assignments then I would stay home a few months. You can work over and make more if you want to. It was always nice to make a bit extra so I could fly home for a few days. Anyway, you may not be interested but since you mentioning traveling I thought I would tell you about my experience. The downsides mainly for me were it's like starting any new job, there is a learning curve every time you go to a new place. Most hospital staff are used to traveling nurses and will help you. I even liked one hospital so well I stayed on for a second assignment. They have to accept you as well. Anyway, thought you might like this info to ponder and add to your list of things to think about
You never know what life is going to throw you. I had my kids later in life, not by choice, but what was chosen for me! 3 yrs. trying to have a family. I will be 57 when my youngest graduates high school. And if she attends collage I guess I would be 61. Some times life throws you a curve ball! Just have to roll with it! Some time I believes this is how my life was suppose to go.
Wonder if I will ever get to experience being a empty nester!
I am 61 and my youngest graduated last year (2018) and I was 60 years old. Don't feel bad, a friend of mine is 60 and her son just started college too. We are out there Ellen. And it ok!
I will be 57, too. I have no idea what I'll do, but I don't want to go back to teaching in a school. After homeschooling, I don't think I could go back and jump through all those hoops!
I don't either! Plus, I'm pretty sure I will feel like I've already had a teaching career by the time my kids all graduate. Time for a different career!
I love dreaming about the next phase! I will finish my PhD in a year, right around the time I wean my fourth and final baby. So our next decade will be spent with me having a "real job" and so, so many fun things with kids. We're already dreaming of "retirement," which for us is completely unrelated to our employment situation--my husband and I have enjoyed flexible careers and plan to continue to do so until we are 85--and more about when our youngest is out of the house. During that phase we will probably make some career change, but who knows what that will mean. We'll travel even more. And we'll start looking forward to grandchildren. 🙂
My advice to Millicent would be to enjoy every minute! Our youngest went to college last fall. The first few weeks were rough, but very quickly, we had our own rhythm down and very much enjoyed the freedom and flexibility of the empty nest! My husband is a teacher and I have a very flexible, work-at-home job, so we are able to enjoy lots of free time. Money is a concern--my husband is a teacher-and we still have two kids in college, but we have found that lots of fun things don't require a lot of cash! We moved two years ago and have enjoyed exploring our new state. We also love estate sales and antique stores and just being together. We've been able to be more involved in our church's young married ministry and have loved "mentoring" a small group of young married couples, who have become very dear to us. It's definitely a change--but, with the proper perspective, it can be a GREAT change!
I'm 36, with kids 10 and 7 (finishing 2nd grade), so I'll be 46 when my younger one graduates high school. My mom was 55 when her youngest finished high school. I wanted to have my kids younger, and was fortunate enough to meet my husband soon enough!
I like your comment about everyone getting the same "empty nest years", just that some parents have more years before kids, and some have more years after!
I am new at this empty nester stuff and I HATE IT. I got laid off from my job about 6 years ago, so I stayed at home during those years. My son lives on his own in the city, my daughter moved to anther stay last fall. (She was offered a job in Indianapolis so off she went & she loves it there). Our youngest graduated high school last year and is in the Army. I'm proud of him and thankful for his service but I do miss him. SO it's my husband and I---my husband is a workaholic and he travels for business. I have been looking for a job, at least part-time but my computer skills are so bad. Having been at home & out of the work place, my skills are terrible, no one will hire me. I even tried pet sitting and that didn't work either. Now I am getting depressed siting around the house, it's boring and lonely. Thanks for letting me complain.
Sherrie, I am sorry you are feeling unhappy with this stage of your life. I don't know you or what you like to do, but may I suggest that you consider a job in a non-office setting? Often there are entry level positions in the helping professions--perhaps working as a teacher's aide in the schools, or if you live close to a hospital, there are a variety of different kinds of jobs which require minimal computer skills. You may find a new passion in your life! Also, the What Color Is Your Parachute book may be helpful to you in defining your skills/interests and matching you up with something fulfilling. Or maybe consider volunteering.
Kristen, I am a medical professional and I have worked with many RNs who have gotten their degrees later in life. They bring with them life experience, which is very helpful when dealing with patients. All to say--if that's an interest of yours, getting your degree when you are older may have some great benefits! Go for it!
Please thank your son for his service. As for a job - I'm in a reverse position and would love to get one, but have to stay at home to help dh. At this point, I would be a WalMart cashier or a "do you want fries with that?" at any fast food joint. I would just love being out and talking to people.
Sherrie, my sympathies as well for your rough situation, and you keep right on letting off steam.
Does your job need to be paying, or well paying? If not, there are a wide range of options you could consider, such as being a docent at a museum (many offer the training), volunteering with a group you enjoy (kids, the elderly, pets, library, homeless), working in your hobby (crafts, metalworking, national parks).
Another possibility is to increase your skills. Once you identify what you need (Microsoft Office/word processing? Accountancy? whatever), the options I can think of are: online courses, community college, extension classes from other colleges, public library offerings. The public library and some of the online courses are typically free.
Best of luck and persistence to you.
This question certainly is timely for me: This Sunday, my second of two children will graduate high school - and I will start feathering my empty nest at age 61!
Because we had our children late, we are very aware of how quickly time is flying (another person in my high school class of ‘75 just passed away Saturday.)
At my age, I am very determined to spend my time doing quality things; this is especially important as I have a history of depression. We will train to be foster parents who provide respite care (short term to give foster parents a break.) I will continue mentoring two inner city children. We also want to travel some (frugally.) My husband, who works part time, is working on a new business. I’m going to restart writing my blog on prediabetes.
The main thing is to keep moving forward!
Kristin,
I admire that you had the courage to home school your 4 children, start a blog and be encouraging to others. I love your frugal tips. I use just about everyone of them, and they help myself and my family be able to have a high quality life. Currently, my two children are going to community college while they are in high school. They will graduate with an Associates Degree from college while getting a high school diploma at the same time, at a highly discounted rate. If I had not read your blog, I would have never know of such a program. Thank you for all you do:)
Oh wow, I'm so glad to hear that my blog has helped your kids to get a head start on the community college. Yay! That's fantastic.
My children have now left home and I doubt they will be back. However I had my children when I was slightly older at in my late 50s I am now my mother's carer. I am so looking forward to the days when I can do what I want and most especially eat what I like and mot allergic too. I would also like to travel solo. I don't think I will remarry as my marriage was a disaster and I am frightened to do so again. My travel wishes derive from the frustration of taking mum on the trips she wants and then she spends all day in bed and watches television all night. Eighteen days on the Queen Mary and mum went to three meals. It may be a beautiful ship but the four walls soon become a prison.
An unexpected granddaughter arrived 20 months ago and she is my delight and a true earthly treasure. One tiny little person holds my heart in her hands and even 30 minutes spent with her lift my mood and fill me with joy.
I have also studied a little but doubt I will go back to working. I have three types of arthritis and have a total hearing loss in one ear and losing hearing in the other. Nursing is not feasible anymore.
We had our kids after years of trying when I was 31and 33. While I was still teaching, the empty nest did not bother me so much. A few years after we both had retired, we moved 1100 miles away to be nearer our kids and their kids. This decision we have never regretted. We love being participating grandparents who do not have to drive 1100 miles to do so.
Facing the exact same situation as our youngest is graduating high school in a few weeks and heading off to college. Oddly enough, I'm not bothered too much by it and I was a stay at home mom for all three of ours and I have never worked outside of the home.
Dh and I decided that we are moving out of this house - we rent anyway, so we are downsizing to an area about 30 minutes from his college. He doesn't drive (I know, right?), so we will feel better being 30 minutes instead of 2 hours away. It's a part of the state we have never lived in and as we have moved 13 times in 26 years, we're happy with the move.
I don't know what we will do when we get there - I read a lot and dh is disabled, so things are different for us, but we'll still "guide" our kids, just from farther away. Even though I was a stay at home mom, I was very "that's your decision, so make a wise one" kind of mom. I had plenty of advice, but they were raised to do as much for themselves as possible.
I often think I'll take up a hobby or come up with a side hustle to help our financially, but haven't discovered that part out yet. 🙂
Everyone's life is so different. I started my family when I was very young. I was 19 when the first of four children were born. My youngest came when I was 31. I started taking college classes, one at a time at first, the month before my youngest turned 1. His dad's job made it possible for him to be home with the kids. I have either been in classes or working or both for the last 27 years. This is my last year and last day before I retire from teaching.
Personally we have never really experience the empty next syndrome. We have 12 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren, whom most of them live in close proximity. Also 3 of the grandchildren are living with us and have done so since birth.
The idea of being able to come and go as I please sounds like a fantasy world to me. My advice to those who are having a difficult time with an empty nest is to pick up a hobby or two. Join various organizations, participate in library programs, or volunteer. There is so much out there available to do. This is your time to get involved and pursue your interests.
Nursing would be a great option - you would definitely always have a job! Plus, there are many different areas of nursing so there's something for everyone! The hours can be long or short, depending on where you work and what shifts you pick up. And generally, hospital employers offer great benefits. Maybe start looking into it now and get some contacts at the local community college made. Good luck in your future studies!
Thank you everyone for all the good advice, I think maybe I will contact a few of the schools in the area and see if I can help out in a classroom. I love kids and I love dogs too. Maybe a can volunteer at the West Michigan Humane Society and walk dogs. I wish for everyone else who is facing the "new empty nesters" life stage, I will all of you the very best. And thank you again for all the good ideas.
I think volunteering is a great idea! You can't control what other people do with their time (like your husband), but you DO get to pick what you do with your time, and you can seek out things that will feel purposeful and fulfilling for you. I hope the volunteering proves to be both!
Plans are good but also be flexible. We’ve had an empty nest since 2008, the year our son graduated college. At first we worked more hours, but due to health issues, we both retired early. What I most enjoy is being able to set my own schedule, pursue new & old interests and hobbies, & the ability to change plans if needed or I just want to change them.
Kristen, please write a blog post about helping your kids choose a college option that is practical and a good fit for them.
I chose to do a 3yr diploma course that was fairly impractical, then followed it up with 1.5yrs to get a Bachelor Degree in something that was more practical, except there weren't a lot of options if I decided to live rurally, which I did.
While I do not regret my education, I did take on a lot of debt to get it and I am currently in a decent-paying career that has nothing to do with my schooling.
I would like to do a better job guiding my daughter, and as someone who is both practical, frugal, and has a focus on happiness, I would love to hear your approach to continuing education both for yourself and what you recommend to your kids.
I am 38 yrs old with 8 month old identical twins. I have been following your blog since I was a PhD student in the sciences. I am now an Associate Professor running an academic research lab. For me, having that time early on to focus on my career was wonderful and it allows me flexibility in schedule (and money!) to spend time with the twins now. But I do also feel sad that I wont be around as long with my kids as someone (like you) who had their kids younger. If my kids choose to have kids later in life as I did, I may not meet my grandchildren at all! At the same time, my career opened up a whole new world for me and I have many friendships and important relationships from this.
Congrats on your twins!
Things could work out the way you imagine, but you never know. Just because a person has kids early doesn't necessarily mean that they will live to be a hundred and have oodles of years with their kids...no one really knows how much time they will have with their kids. So, it's possible you will get more time with your kids than I will as it all depends on how long we live!
I say enjoy those sweet babies and don't sweat the life choices you've already made. It sounds like they were the right ones for you. <3
What great ideas and thanks so much for answering my little question. I had been wondering about your"second act" I just knew you'd have some brilliant ideas about what to do post-nest. Cheers and thanks! Millicent
Hi Kristen, I happen to chance upon your website today & immediately became interested in your personal story for the future. I'm a registered nurse, retired for almost 3 years now, still hold my RN + CPR licensure, with 45 years experience. I would suggest you "friend" a few nurses on LinkedIn. You may look at my profile at Joan Westgate, Rhode Island. Another suggestion is to feel comfortable with computer systems, which I am sure you are. If you need any help with your career, if you decided to go that way, I would be happy to help, as I have a varied career in teaching, hospital, community, long-term care, and ended with occupational health nursing. Best of luck to you!
Aww, thank you so much for the offer! I really appreciate it and I will keep it in mind.
I love how well this post aged for you! You actually did it!!!!!
You are right, I did! It's kind of wild to read that from so long ago and to realize I have fulfilled basically all of those plans. 🙂
This post was suggested to me today also and I really enjoyed reading this and knowing where you were headed and the kind of bright future that awaited you!
Oh you did it! Congrats on dreaming and working toward this future, now reality!