This quote, on a sign at Jimmy John’s, caught my eye recently.
(I tried googling to see who came up with it, but I can’t find the answer. If you know, drop me a comment!)
Of course, I immediately thought of how this relates to contentment.
More does not fix the problem.
I’ve often said that if you can’t be content with what you already have, getting more is not going to fix the problem.
If you are unhappy with a $100K salary, you will not be happy with a $200K salary.
If you are not content with the car you have, a nicer one will not make you content.
If you are not grateful for the house you have, you will probably still not be grateful if you buy a nicer one.
The problem is generally not with our circumstances (though certainly there are exceptions), but rather a problem inside of us.
Getting more of what you think you want is never going to lead you to that mystical place called, “Enough”.
There’s also the fact that reaching for more without ever getting to “enough” can lead to extreme behavior. For instance, you might:
- work out too much
- continually upgrade your house
- keep adding things to your car
- get obsessed with self-improvement
Sometimes, wanting more is a good thing.
The desire for more is what drives us to improve our lives, and that’s not a bad thing at all.
The human race wouldn’t be as advanced as it is if we hadn’t wanted to change and improve things, and I’d hate to live in a world where everyone was just satisfied with the status quo.
Who knows how many things wouldn’t have been invented by now? I personally am grateful that someone wasn’t content with outhouses. 
But, you can get TOO focused on more.
Wanting more is fine.
But when wanting more consumes you, you’ve probably got things a bit out of balance.
And when you persist in focusing on more when that particular more is really out of reach, you are going to be unhappy.
The answer? Balance. OF COURSE.
Do you ever get kind of tired of the answer to everything being balance? It’d be so much easier if we could just swing to extremes.
Unfortunately, balance does seem to be where it’s at.
Contentment and the desire for more balance each out.
Wanting more will drive you to improve things, but contentment will help you realize that even without more, things are still ok.
Pursue more, but start from a place of contentment.
If you have a grateful attitude about your current salary, then when you get a promotion, you will feel joy over it. You started from a place of, “This is enough.”, which means that the new salary will also be enough.
I started lifting weights with an attitude of, “My body looks fine already.”, which means that I am free to be happy about the muscle I’ve added, but I am not focusing on all the bodily imperfections I could ferret out if I tried.
If you try to buy a better house but it doesn’t work out, you’ll be ok because your contented heart knows how to see your current house as enough.
Starting with a, “This is enough, and I also see that things could improve.” mindset will help you to aim for an outcome but also hold that desired outcome loosely.
Then if it works out, great! If it doesn’t work out, that will be ok too.
________________________
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this quote and also on the balance between contentment and wanting more.
P.S. Looking for more help? Read all my posts on contentment right here.
P.P.S. The flowers in this post are from a hydrangea I purchased at Aldi some years ago. It always produces deeply colored pink blooms, but some this year are purple and I have no idea why. I am not displeased, though!
Faith says
Those flowers are so gorgeous!! Thanks for sharing them with us.
Penny says
I think it’s so easy to get swept up in needing more/wanting to do/have/be better. A few years ago, it really bothered me at how slowly we were moving on our money journey. I was reading about all of these amazing money friends online making huge inroads. I made a comment to that effect to my dad and he looked at me and said, “You’re doing well enough.”
I wrote that on a sticky note, and it really saves me sometimes.
Thanks for this reminder.
Kristen says
Oh man, I hear you. Hang around the FIRE community long enough and it’s very, very easy to feel like you are way behind!
gwinne says
(First time commenting, though I’ve been reading on and off for a while. I found my way over here from SHU.)
I agree with your ultimate point about balance. But I can tell you with 100% certainty that in my life ‘more’ has unquestionably brought me ‘more’ in terms of daily contentment. For example, we moved within the past year, to a home that is literally twice as large as our previous one; it has not solved every problem in my life, but there also has not been a day that I haven’t been happy to be here. Sure, we could have made do with our old house–if we didn’t have the money to move, or couldn’t make it work– but my entire family is happier in a larger space. We’d outgrown the old house. It wasn’t “enough.”
That is, I guess I’m wondering if it’s not important to separate out a willingness to make peace with your circumstances (which I agree with!!) from this elusive concept of “having enough.” Who decides what is enough? In what context? I realize this question comes from a place of privilege. I’m solidly middle class; I also know that in my own life, having an extra $10K on my salary within the past 5 years has made a huge difference.
chris says
Maybe the owner of Jimmy Johns, who is a big game killer, like lions, elephants etc, could take take this to heart.
Ellen says
The different color of them, I believe, depends on the acid in the soil. Or things you add to the soil. Mine are that deep purple color… (so far only one of my 2 bushes is blooming….
Chrissy says
It does have to do with the ph balance…
Stacy says
I have heard this too….the condition/current minerals in the soil affect the color. These are my favorite flowers and I have them in white that sometimes change to a dusty color. Love them!
Cindy says
I recently received a contentment journal by Rachel Cruze. Have not looked at it thought. Thought it might be something you (and other comment) readers would like to know about. I’m looking forward to checking it out.
JD says
The soil is changing where your hydrangea grows, getting slightly more acidic. Pine straw and some mulches can acidify soil, as can some compost. Our soil is acidic in most of our county, and we only see blue hydrangeas here. We have to annually amend the soil if we want pink. I just stick with blue.
I have struggled with contentment in some things. When we lived in a mobile home and had to evacuate every time there was a hurricane, and the cabinet doors turned out to be glorified paperboard, and so on, I just couldn’t be content. When we built our house, we built small, and I find I am content with that. I think having the contrast of what we once had and what we have now helps me. My friend built a house twice the size of mine at the same time we were building, for a same-sized family as mine, and I was pleased to find I was not the least bit envious or jealous of her house.
I think if what one has fills one’s needs, then one can find contentment. I know some people who always wished for more, even when they had more than they ever needed, which puts them in debt/makes them unhappy/affects relationships or all of the above. I find more contentment with what I have and what I can live without as I grow older.
Kristen says
Definitely a soil change, but what I don’t understand is why some blooms on the bush are purple and some are pink! You’d think they’d all have changed if the soil changed.
WilliamB says
I know what you mean about the house. Sometimes I visit friends who have large or even huge houses and I get envious of the space: An office that isn’t also a guest room. Space to withdraw and be away. A dining room large enough for a table for 10 or 12, whereas I have to put that many friends in the living room.
Then I think about how I hate to vacuum and dust. And about taxes. And about how making do in the living room seems to be just fine for my friends. And about taxes again. And I’m happy with the place I have.
Susan says
Thank you so much for this post. It is exactly what I needed to help me get through a difficult situation in my life happening right now. It’s so amazing to me how a great thought can be so simple, yet have such a profound effect.
David says
How about the difference between enough and less? I had enough, in fact all I wanted, in my wife. There really was nothing more I wanted, or needed, than Julia. To come home to her and her smile and to tell her what I had done, and that I loved her and that she was beautiful. I would not have exchanged that for a Million a year, or a Million a week.
When Julia was here I wanted to live forever. Now I don’t care.
Please consider what really matters. Your family, your spouse, your children, your friends. Really that is ALL that matters and it is not until it is gone that you really realize that.
Kristen says
Oh Dave, I am so, so very sorry for your loss.I know there are no words that really help, but I want you to know that I care. <3
Marianne says
David, I am sorry for your loss.
David says
Marianne – is that nurse Marianne from SevernaPark?
Susanna says
I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re absolutely correct. People matter and everything else is just things. If we don’t have health, we don’t have anything.
J says
Yeah, as a recent widow, I get that. It’s painful (everything about it) but I’m not giving up on finding (some/enough) joy or contentment in my life. Luckily, for me, I know that God is helping me, and my husband was clear about me being brave and keeping going…
What would you want for her, if the opposite had happened? What would she say today?
Kristen says
Jenny, if you posted about your recent widowhood and I missed it, I’m so sorry. All the love to you too.
Jenny says
Just saw this- thanks so much!
Cindy McCullough says
My problem is that for many years in Wisconsin I was content with what we had, but not content with what I had done with my life. Now that we have moved to the Bay Area, I may be becoming content with what I am doing now with my life, but not as content with what we have. Why? I see what others have more than I used to. I see the cost of a home here and nearly have a heart attack. We prefer having a house to living in an apartment, but here, we will always be in an apartment. 46 is too old to take on a mortgage for a 700K to 1 million dollar home that is very small without air conditioning. (Bay Area home prices are insane! So are apartment costs.)
Carla says
I can really relate to this. A similar thing happened to me when we moved. The areas we struggle with most change over time and as our circumstances change. I try to put it in perspective, but it is still hard to make the trade-off.
Nan says
Yes, I have 2 adult children who live right in San Francisco. They both rent modest apartments but they love it there. My daughter is actually a stay at home mom so you know her husband makes very good money. She is quite content and they take awesome vacations with the 2 little ones. You just make the best of what you have!
Lisa says
I concur with you completely. We live in Hawaii right now. Best job for work/life balance my husband has ever had. But the cost of everything! We live in a house the size of our first house 17 years ago and not as nice. We pay a fortune for subpar groceries. We never eat out anymore; It’s too darn expensive. We feel content with his job but not satisfied with everything else…
Susan says
Very content today. Found jeans at thrifty Tues…each Tues the two discount colors of the week…in this case pink and yellow tags are 99 cents on clothing bearing these colors as tags….i wondered when
a lady walked in. Went to her size……pulled 12 pairs of pants out fast in her size…tried them on and got change back from a twenty when she left with 12 pairs of great back to college pants . So happy to have figured out the secret
Kristina says
This post resonates with me, but it’s also a difficult one to tackle. Contentment is the key in many ways, but having more money often represent an “easy” fix for something that is not material. For instance, I have a continual regret and sadness over not being able to travel to see my family more often overseas. My mother’s ill health makes me think of the limited time we have, and being content with not being there for her is a hard thought. We live very frugally and I worked an extra job on top of my fulltime job to save money for travel, but unforeseen circumstances drained our account
Sometimes, material things also represent real needs. We bought a new car a few years ago now, and hardly a day passes when I’m not happy to be driving it. The old car was in such a state that felt unsafe and I admit, embarrassing. But while driving it I practiced contentment of having transportation.
Similarly, we added a master bedroom extension, which I am daily thankful and happy over. No longer having to share our bathroom with three boys or having difficult sleeping arrangements of teens and toddlers in one room, or us in the living room!
The difference these things made is that they addressed real needs, and filling them have improved our quality of life.
I think the contentment vs wanting more becomes an issue if wanting more gets in the way of enjoying what you have and not being grateful for it, always looking for the next thing. Certainly I have witnessed this in many acquaintances, and it is part of human nature.
SHU says
I love this post, Kristen.
Kate says
I’d love to hear more about your frugal weight lifting routine, and how you got started. I don’t want to drive to a gym and pay for a membership, but I have trouble motivating myself to work out at home.
Diane says
I just found a 10 minute meditation on Calm that is about Santosha which means contentment. It was serendipity to read your post today!
April says
A mini van majorly upped my contentment in driving littles around. Game changer. I love it.
Jem says
I think if you want to be content with less, one way to get there is to go with even less than that. We had to sell our home at a huge loss in 2013 and move into a tiny 2-bedroom basement apartment. We got pretty good at being content there, enough that when we had to move again we didn’t want to, afraid we’d be forced to accept even less in our current terrible rental market. But we eventually got a new place which is somewhat bigger and, although old and crazily decorated, has some significant improvements over the last place. We are so happy with it! Even though it’s still a far cry from the house we had to sell, and we are still renting with end in sight, this place feels like a real home.
It’s like the weather: when spring comes, the very same temperature that in the fall had people putting on sweaters and making pumpkin everything, now sees them shedding coats and digging out their shorts and halter tops.
Carla says
Yes! Perspective makes such a difference. This is why reframing helps so much.
Jen S says
Jem- I love the seasonal analogy! I often say how 60 degrees in October feels way different than 60 degrees in March.
Suzan says
I have a friend who has done very well financially and she has a motto of, “Need not greed”. I wish I could have done better in the past but it can’t be undone. My only wish is that I did not live in subtropical Queensland. I do not tolerate heat and would much rather live somewhere much cooler like Tasmania. However, Ham a family person and family is here. So I try to do my best because I would not like to do with out my precious ones.
Martha says
Thank you so much for this post. I really needed to hear it today.
Kristen says
I’m so glad it was helpful!
Jenny says
Great thoughts from you, Kristen, and readers! Several thoughts occur to me- some of this is actually brain chemistry-related.
If we have a lot or a little of certain neurotransmitters it will affect how we perceive and manage this stuff. If we need help, therapy, support groups, and/or medication can really improve our lives; definitely scientifically proven!
About the lifting weights to get stronger, even though perceiving “body looks OK.” I don’t really get this. So if we don’t feel we are strong enough or look OK (two very different things, IMO) lifting weights won’t help??? I’m just confused about this. The house and financial stuff makes sense to me.
Kristen says
So, my comment about my body and lifting weights..basically, I was saying that I was starting from a point of body acceptance, which is important. Because if you don’t have an inside attitude of body acceptance, then you will never be happy with your body no matter how many weights you lift. There will ALWAYS be something more you could to do to improve your body.
I felt like my body was fine as-is, but I also could see that I could get stronger. So, I started from a place of contentment with what I already had, and then did something to improve what I had.
I hope that clears things up…if it doesn’t, then let me know!
Christina @ BargainBlog.ca says
Hi Kristen,
I hope it’s okay to post this in the comments, because I wanted to let you know that I included your blog in my list of Top 10 Frugal Blogs. I’ve read and enjoyed your blog for years, and am not sure if I ever took the time to thank you. Please consider this a great big: “Thanks!” I love the blend of helpful content you write about.
Take care,
Christina
Kristen says
Aww, I’m so glad! Thank you!
Christina @ BargainBlog.ca says
Oops – if you wanted to see what I had written about your blog it is at:
https://bargainblog.ca/10-best-frugal-living-blogs/
Take care,
Christina